Top secret

By HermioneFan

Disclaimer: If you really need to read this line, you're an idiot.

Author's Note: Parvati and Lavender are even more exaggerated in this chapter. I'm glad my SOLE REVIEWER doesn't mind. Thank you. And when you review, don't forget to tell me what you think of Cho Chang! It's very important. Anyway, I'll shut up now so you can read the story.

***

Same time next day, Ginny and Bob ventured into Parvati and Lavender's corner again.

"Here you are," said Parvati, thrusting a folded up scrap of parchment into Ginny's hands. "Read and remember. These are, without a shadow of a duck, the most important things you will ever learn at Hogwarts."

Bob gave a snort, but turned it hastily into a hacking cough.

"Thank you, oh, er, Great and Giggly Ones!" she said, and she and Ginny crept up to their dorm to read the note.

***

Left to themselves, Parvati and Lavender took out the photos of Harry and Ginny again with a contented sigh. Parvati giggled, "Wait 'till everyone sees these!"

"I don't know if we should, though," said Lavender thoughtfully, "what if they embarrass poor Ginny?" Her friend looked at her, equally thoughtful.

"Come on, let's go pin them on the notice board!"

***

Up in the sixth-year dorm, Bob unfolded Lavender and Parvati's note. It read:

Grate idees 4 matchmaking

1. Send leterrs from 1 too the uther

2. Giv eech uther Xmas presents

3. Send leterrs too both of them arranjing a meeting (eg hogsmeed)

4. See what they think abowt eech uther. (DO THIS FURST!!!!!!!)

5. Scrall notes on eech uthers' work (eg on jinny's work 'I luv harry', WERE HARRY WILL FIND IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

6. Tell 1 that u think the uther 1 likes them

7. Get ridd of any1 els they like

GOOD LUK!!!!

Bob pulled a face. "Gosh, talk about illegible…and their spelling!"

"Never mind their spelling!" groaned Ginny, rolling her eyes. "This is vital to our plan. Read, memorise and burn this."

Bob raised an eyebrow. "Burn it? Aren't you going slightly over the top?"

"Well…" began Ginny, but just then, the other two girls in their dorm burst in. Bob hastily stuffed Parvati and Lavender's note under a pillow.

"Wow, Ginny!" exclaimed Caitlin (loudly, as always), a boisterous American person of whom Bob was not overly fond, finding her loud, frivolous and irresponsible. Caitlin, in turn, thought Bob was an irritating know-it-all.

"What?" said Ginny, confused.

"Those photos of you up on the notice board!" piped up Caitlin's friend Annie Rogers, a quiet, mousy girl.

"Those photos of me WHERE?! " yelled Ginny, and ran down into the common room, where what looked like the entire house was clustered around the notice board, most of them in fits of hysterical giggles. Ron made his way furiously over to her.

"Ginny!" he roared. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING KISSING MY BEST FRIEND?"

Then he spotted Harry at the other end of the room. "Harry!" he bellowed. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING KISSING MY LITTLE SISTER?"

He grabbed Ginny by the wrist and dragged her over to where Harry sat, trying, unsuccessfully, to hide behind Hermione's copy of the Daily Prophet.

Ron yanked the paper out of his hands and stood glaring at Harry with an expression that would have made a basilisk quail.

"Er, yes?" inquired Harry innocently.

"What are you…" Ron began, but:

"Oh, just shut up, Ron!" screamed Ginny, wrenching her arm furiously away. "Get over it!" she shrieked, "Anyone would think I was three years old, the way you carry on! I'm sixteen! I'm perfectly capable of looking after myself, thank you very much, older brother! Would you just stop taking it out on me and Harry every time you have a fight with Hermione?"

"It's got nothing to do with her!" Ron yelled back, ears crimson.

"Yeah right!" shouted Ginny. At this point, they both realised two things: firstly, just how loudly they'd been yelling, and secondly that the common room had gone very quiet. Ron looked around. Every single head in the common room was turned towards them. Even Hermione had looked up from her work to glare disapprovingly at them. "Typical," she muttered, and returned to her Arithmancy work.

Both Weasleys turned bright red. "What're you lot staring at?" yelled Ron. "Go on! Go…go…go rob the kitchens or something!"

It had absolutely no effect. The whole house gaped at him. "Oh, I give up!" said Ron crossly, and stormed up the stairs to the boys' dorm. Instantly, whispers and giggles broke out all over the common room. Ginny sank down next to Harry, who put his arm around her, comfortingly.

Hermione, in her capacity as Head Girl, took it upon herself to end the gossip. She stood up. "I'm sure you've all got homework to do…"

Most people (all right, so all the people) stared at her blankly.

"If not," she went on, a McGonagall-like glint in her eye, "I could find you some…"

Immediately, there was a rustle of parchment and the squeak of inkbottles being opened. The room fell silent as people got back (or pretended to get back) to work. Silence reigned - for the next ten seconds. Then the usual friendly chatter started up again.

Bob decided to put stage one of their plan into action. She wandered across the crowded room to where Hermione sat, working as usual.

"So," Bob said, "what do you think of Ron?"

"Who?" Hermione replied frostily.

"You know," prompted Bob, "Ron Weasley - tall, red hair, blue eyes…"

"Why do you want to know?"

"Just out of interest," shrugged Bob.

"Well, if you really want to know," said Hermione, tossing her quill down on the table and leaning back in her chair, "I think he's a moronic, selfish, brainless pig, with no respect for rules or teachers or…or…anything! And," she lowered her voice conspiratorially, "I once even saw him draw in a library book!"

Bob gasped. (anyone not related to the Grangers might find this strange, but the Granger sisters had been brought up with the solemn belief that if you draw in, tear, wet, dirty, deface, step on or even look at a library book with menacing intent, you will be cursed for life.)

"So what did you do?" Bob asked in an awed whisper.

"Well, I reported him to Madam Pince, of course," Hermione stated, matter-of-factly. "and took five points from Gryffindor."

Bob nodded approvingly. "Okay, thanks," she said, "'Night!"

***

Hermione shook her head as her sister disappeared up the girls' staircase. Strange, she thought. Funny thing to ask. I wonder why…

But there are some questions even Hermione Granger can't answer.

***

A/N: In case there are some really, really stupid fanfic readers out there, please don't criticise my spelling/grammar in Lav and Parv's note. I know you can't have multiple exclamation marks; I know the apostrophes are in the wrong place and yes, I can spell. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeease (and I know you can't do that either) review! TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK OF CHO!

Next chapter (or 2): Bob gets detention, Ginny calls for some double matchmaking, Ron gets clobbered with a broomstick and Bob gets woken up in the middle of the night.