I need to sit down and think. I need to take all of the jumble in my head,
and make it coherent.
I should make a list. Josh passed out on my couch almost as soon as he got
in the door.
One minute he was mumbling the words to "Tradition" the next he was out
cold. I went off to
get ready for bed, leaving the door cracked so I could hear if Josh yelled
at my roommate's
cats, or even worse, my neighbors. Now, I can think. I've been avoiding it,
but now I have
to. A list. I should make a list. But what if someone found it? Aha! I'll
write it in code.
Well hello, brain, I was wondering when you'd show up. Ok, so on the pro
side...the pro side
of what? What is the question? Maybe, I should stick to thinking for the
time being. For some
reason, CJ used me like a Kleenex. I was merely a pawn in the larger plot,
whatever it happens
to be. Instead of turning the tables on my mother, she neatly turned the
tables on me. The
question is, why? Well now I have my question, but I have no idea what the
answer could
possibly be. Why do CJ and my mom want me to "shack up" with Josh? To quote
the Bard,
something is rotten in the state of Denmark. But I can't figure out what.
So last night,
between cursing my mother and CJ and attempting to discover their plot, I
had an epiphany.
Both of them must realize that I'm in love with Josh, and have decided that
the only way I
will get over him is to make me be with him. So I made up a neat little
list (in my very
clever code, I might add) weighing the pros and cons of being in love with
and pursuing a
relationship with Josh. And then, for good measure, I made up a list of
reasons (also in code)
of my CJ and my Mom are working together.
But then I got some sleep, and realized how completely stupid my theory is. And taking their cue, the clouds of confusion once again settled in my brain. After stuffing my (unlabeled) lists in the nearest receptacle, I decided to undertake the task of Waking Josh Up. Josh had somehow managed to balance himself on the very edge of the couch, and was still completely asleep. It amazes me sometimes that he has gotten as far in life as he has."Hey, Ethel Merman! Rise and Shine!" I yell as I prod Josh with a wooden kitchen spoon.
"I...what....who?" Josh mumbles as he wakes up. "Where am I? What happened to my apartment?" "And Josh Lyman shows of his extensive vocabulary."
"Donna? Why are you in my apartment? And why does my apartment look funny?" Josh sits up slowly, a hand shielding his eyes from the sunlight.
"First of all, Mr. "I can't hold my liquor" you're in my apartment. Second, you're in my apartment."
"Oh." He lets this sink in for a minute. "What day is it?"
"Saturday. And you gave me the day off so I can spend it with my mother." I had to deal with Josh: the Singing Deputy Chief of Staff last night. I deserve to get something out of this. Speaking of which, where is my mother? I never heard her come in last night.
"Nuh-uh. I did not give you the day off. I remember that much."
A light bulb just went on in my head. Seriously, lights are flashing on. I just came up with a plan. "You mean you don't remember last night at all?"
"Nope, just your mom, and a lot of beer." he grinned at me.
I wonder if I should take this as an opportunity to get CJ and my mom off my case. Or even better, turn the tables again. And it was that exact moment, that my criminal mind made an appearance."So, you don't remember what you said to CJ last night?" This is pure evil Donnatella Moss, pure evil.
"No...what did I say to CJ?" Josh asks uncertainly.
"You mean you don't remember declaring your love for her last night? You unbarred your heart to her!" Bad Donnatella! Bad!
Josh looks like he's going to vomit, and I have a feeling that it's not just because of the insane amount of alcohol he consumed last night. "I told CJ I was in love with her?"
"Yeah." CJ is gonna kill me, but then again I owe her a maiming, so it's only fair.
"You're sure it was CJ and not..." he stops.
"Not who?" Mandy? Ainsely? Mrs Landingham? Please, let it be Mrs. Landingham.
"Never mind." Josh looks...well for once, I don't know how Josh looks. If I didn't know any better, I'd say he looked completely dejected. "I'd better get going. I gotta clean up before going in." "Alright, I'll see you there." I'd better be. There is much maiming to be done.
"No, no. Spend time with your mom.""It's ok Josh, I don't mind coming in. Besides, my mom isn't even here." There is going to be one hell of a show, there's no way I'm giving up my ringside seat.
"Really? I think I remember her coming in really early this morning." He remembers CJ dropping off my mom, but he doesn't remember anything that happened last night? Oh Joshua, you really are making this too easy for me.
But then I got some sleep, and realized how completely stupid my theory is. And taking their cue, the clouds of confusion once again settled in my brain. After stuffing my (unlabeled) lists in the nearest receptacle, I decided to undertake the task of Waking Josh Up. Josh had somehow managed to balance himself on the very edge of the couch, and was still completely asleep. It amazes me sometimes that he has gotten as far in life as he has."Hey, Ethel Merman! Rise and Shine!" I yell as I prod Josh with a wooden kitchen spoon.
"I...what....who?" Josh mumbles as he wakes up. "Where am I? What happened to my apartment?" "And Josh Lyman shows of his extensive vocabulary."
"Donna? Why are you in my apartment? And why does my apartment look funny?" Josh sits up slowly, a hand shielding his eyes from the sunlight.
"First of all, Mr. "I can't hold my liquor" you're in my apartment. Second, you're in my apartment."
"Oh." He lets this sink in for a minute. "What day is it?"
"Saturday. And you gave me the day off so I can spend it with my mother." I had to deal with Josh: the Singing Deputy Chief of Staff last night. I deserve to get something out of this. Speaking of which, where is my mother? I never heard her come in last night.
"Nuh-uh. I did not give you the day off. I remember that much."
A light bulb just went on in my head. Seriously, lights are flashing on. I just came up with a plan. "You mean you don't remember last night at all?"
"Nope, just your mom, and a lot of beer." he grinned at me.
I wonder if I should take this as an opportunity to get CJ and my mom off my case. Or even better, turn the tables again. And it was that exact moment, that my criminal mind made an appearance."So, you don't remember what you said to CJ last night?" This is pure evil Donnatella Moss, pure evil.
"No...what did I say to CJ?" Josh asks uncertainly.
"You mean you don't remember declaring your love for her last night? You unbarred your heart to her!" Bad Donnatella! Bad!
Josh looks like he's going to vomit, and I have a feeling that it's not just because of the insane amount of alcohol he consumed last night. "I told CJ I was in love with her?"
"Yeah." CJ is gonna kill me, but then again I owe her a maiming, so it's only fair.
"You're sure it was CJ and not..." he stops.
"Not who?" Mandy? Ainsely? Mrs Landingham? Please, let it be Mrs. Landingham.
"Never mind." Josh looks...well for once, I don't know how Josh looks. If I didn't know any better, I'd say he looked completely dejected. "I'd better get going. I gotta clean up before going in." "Alright, I'll see you there." I'd better be. There is much maiming to be done.
"No, no. Spend time with your mom.""It's ok Josh, I don't mind coming in. Besides, my mom isn't even here." There is going to be one hell of a show, there's no way I'm giving up my ringside seat.
"Really? I think I remember her coming in really early this morning." He remembers CJ dropping off my mom, but he doesn't remember anything that happened last night? Oh Joshua, you really are making this too easy for me.