I am sitting at my desk, waiting for the apocalypse while reading over my
lists. I wish Josh would just go in CJ's office and get it over with. But
then something wonderful happens.
CJ walks into Josh's office.
And she looks good today. Now, most other people who, you know have eyes, would realize that it was because Danny was finally back in the Press Room, after having been gone on a much-needed vacation.
But poor deceived Josh had other thoughts. I grab a folder, and sneak up to Josh's door. I'm beginning to think that I really can be evil."Josh!" CJ says as she enters his office. "Did you know that..."
Josh cuts her off. "Uh, hey CJ. Wow, you look, uh nice today."
"Thanks. So do you."
"I uh, I mean, yeah, um, thanks." Josh, Josh, Josh. Joshua, Josh, Josh. Once again, I am amazed that you work in the White House.
"Right. So I was wondering if you had heard anything about..."
"Look CJ I need to clear the air." Josh gets up from his desk, and starts pacing.
"Okay. I didn't think there was anything that needed to be cleared...but go ahead."
"Okay. About what I said last night. I didn't...well...know what I was saying last night, and I think there may have been some regrettable words...spoken."
"Really? I didn't think there was anything regrettable. Except for that part on the sidewalk."
"The sidewalk?" Swear to god, Josh's voice just got ten decibels higher. "Yeah. You were all over it. You even tried to get me to lie down with you. Josh, I think you need to learn how to control yourself when you're drunk. There are some things a girl just won't do. And that whole thing with you and Sam..." CJ just shakes her head. This is turning out better than I thought.
"Me and SAM?!"Josh is screaming now. "First I declare my love to you, and then I declare it to Sam?"
"Declare your love to me? Josh, are you feeling okay? Can I get you anything? Coffee? Crackers? A CAT scan?" CJ is on the verge of hysterical laughter.
"Donna said that I declared my love to you." Josh says sulkily. Oh hell. "Oh Donna said that, did she?" CJ smirks. I did not think it was possible for CJ to smirk.
"Yeah. And I just want you to know, I didn't mean it."
"Well I'm so glad to know you care Josh." CJ says dryly.
"I mean...I didn't..." Josh stutters.
"I think Donna was attempting to use her well-known misdirection tactic on you. What really happened was, you declared your love for her."Kill. Maim. Destroy. Do all of the above to CJ.
"I did?" Josh now sounds horrified. "But that's even worse than you!"
I walk away at that point. I don't need to hear the list of reasons why Josh would rather say he is in love with CJ than me. Frankly, I don't think I can take it at this point. I think about the lists I made last night. The number one reason on the pro side had been "Because I love him." I can feel my eyes filling with tears, and make a run for the bathroom, because I think I just heard my heart breaking in two.
"Donna? I know you're in here. I saw you go running by." Margaret pokes her head into the bathroom .Donna, for once keep your big mouth shut. You need to think about this."Donna?" Margaret asks one more time before shrugging her shoulders, and leaving. Would you believe I'm sorry to see her go? It's just me, using my defense tactic. It's not unlike my well-known misdirection tactic. And here we go again, with the crying.
"He's just a man Donnatella!" I tell myself angrily. "There is no point in making your life revolve around him. You aren't even his girlfriend, and he already has broken your heart." And with that depressing thought, I start sobbing again. I sit in my stall for a few more minutes, and let myself calm down. I need to compose myself enough to make reappearance in the bullpen without bursting into tears like a four-year-old at a birthday party gone awry. I look at myself in the mirror. Great, now I look like Rudolph the freaking red-nosed reindeer. Damn my alabaster skin. And while we're at it, damn Josh, beer and show tunes. I don't have the heart to send CJ and my mother into eternal damnation at this point. I find that damning people to hell can get very tiring. When I finally decide to venture back into the bullpen, I notice right away that Josh's door is closed, and that CJ's is wide open. CJ is in her office yelling at someone. Must be Danny. At least I'm not the only one who has to deal with the wrath of Claudia Jean today. But I soon discover, she's only yelling because he was away for so long.
"So what you're saying is you missed me." Danny grins at CJ.
"Danny, I never once used the word 'miss.' It was just inconvenient for me, because I had no one to leak my stories too."
"CJ, do you know how many reporters are in the White House Press Room?" Danny smiles..
"Shut up." CJ says. I move away at that point. CJ and Danny have this bantering thing not unlike the one I have with...And my eyes start welling up again. Get a hold of yourself, Donna. This is precisely why a relationship with him is a bad idea. Just go back to work and keep yourself busy. And then tonight, plan a date with the two men who will never let you down: Ben and Jerry. Josh is still in his office with the door closed. Do you know how badly I want to find out what is going on in there? It's becoming an addiction. And then, I remember that CJ's office connects to Josh's, and that she is now on her way to a briefing. I run like hell for CJ's office, close the door, and put my ear up to the connecting door. You know how in movies, they always put a water glass up against the door so they can hear what's going on? Well, it doesn't work. Of course, it could have something to do with the fact that I am using an old coffee mug.
And now that I have gone completely off topic, let's return the good people to the problem at hand. I'm trying my hardest to hear what's going on, when the outer door opens. I don't realize anyone has come in, until I hear a voice right above my head."Donna? What are you doing in here?" Sam asks.
"Nothing but your run of the mill spying."I answer him. "Wanna help?"
"Sure. Who are we spying on?"
"Josh."
Sam pales. "Um Donna? Are you sure? I mean, he might be having an important conversation..."
"Oh really?" I respond to this singularly un-Sam comment. "Are you the same Sam Seaborn who was willing to help Josh on his covert operation to steal Mrs. Landingham's cookies?"
Sam's face goes from white to red in seconds. "That was...different. We were really hungry. And please never mention that again." What Sam didn't mention was that he and Josh had been caught, literally, with their hands in the cookie jar. Josh had made a run for it, and left Sam to take the fall. Mrs. Landingham gave him a strict talking to, and suggested perhaps Sam needed professional help for his "problem."
"Don't you think this is a good time to get your revenge Sam?" Nothing like bringing revenge into it.
"Well, as tempting as it sounds Donna, I think we'd better let your mom handle this one...I mean...uh-oh." Sam's face goes white again.
My mother is in the office with Josh. My mother. What the hell?"Sam, why is my mother in Josh's office?" I ask.
"I uh, I don't know. I gotta go Donna. I have an important meeting...of the government...right now." and Sam gets out of there faster than a bat out of hell. I give up. If Josh wants to pour his heart out to my mother, let him. Go on Josh, tell her how much you hate the idea of being in love with me. Tell my mommy just how you feel about me. That you think I'm a dependable assistant with horrible taste in men. That you hate the idea of my dating anyone. That...Well that can be taken two different ways. But say anything bad about me to my mom, and she will open up a can of whoop-ass on you. And after she's done, I'll finish the job. What are they talking about in there?
CJ walks into Josh's office.
And she looks good today. Now, most other people who, you know have eyes, would realize that it was because Danny was finally back in the Press Room, after having been gone on a much-needed vacation.
But poor deceived Josh had other thoughts. I grab a folder, and sneak up to Josh's door. I'm beginning to think that I really can be evil."Josh!" CJ says as she enters his office. "Did you know that..."
Josh cuts her off. "Uh, hey CJ. Wow, you look, uh nice today."
"Thanks. So do you."
"I uh, I mean, yeah, um, thanks." Josh, Josh, Josh. Joshua, Josh, Josh. Once again, I am amazed that you work in the White House.
"Right. So I was wondering if you had heard anything about..."
"Look CJ I need to clear the air." Josh gets up from his desk, and starts pacing.
"Okay. I didn't think there was anything that needed to be cleared...but go ahead."
"Okay. About what I said last night. I didn't...well...know what I was saying last night, and I think there may have been some regrettable words...spoken."
"Really? I didn't think there was anything regrettable. Except for that part on the sidewalk."
"The sidewalk?" Swear to god, Josh's voice just got ten decibels higher. "Yeah. You were all over it. You even tried to get me to lie down with you. Josh, I think you need to learn how to control yourself when you're drunk. There are some things a girl just won't do. And that whole thing with you and Sam..." CJ just shakes her head. This is turning out better than I thought.
"Me and SAM?!"Josh is screaming now. "First I declare my love to you, and then I declare it to Sam?"
"Declare your love to me? Josh, are you feeling okay? Can I get you anything? Coffee? Crackers? A CAT scan?" CJ is on the verge of hysterical laughter.
"Donna said that I declared my love to you." Josh says sulkily. Oh hell. "Oh Donna said that, did she?" CJ smirks. I did not think it was possible for CJ to smirk.
"Yeah. And I just want you to know, I didn't mean it."
"Well I'm so glad to know you care Josh." CJ says dryly.
"I mean...I didn't..." Josh stutters.
"I think Donna was attempting to use her well-known misdirection tactic on you. What really happened was, you declared your love for her."Kill. Maim. Destroy. Do all of the above to CJ.
"I did?" Josh now sounds horrified. "But that's even worse than you!"
I walk away at that point. I don't need to hear the list of reasons why Josh would rather say he is in love with CJ than me. Frankly, I don't think I can take it at this point. I think about the lists I made last night. The number one reason on the pro side had been "Because I love him." I can feel my eyes filling with tears, and make a run for the bathroom, because I think I just heard my heart breaking in two.
"Donna? I know you're in here. I saw you go running by." Margaret pokes her head into the bathroom .Donna, for once keep your big mouth shut. You need to think about this."Donna?" Margaret asks one more time before shrugging her shoulders, and leaving. Would you believe I'm sorry to see her go? It's just me, using my defense tactic. It's not unlike my well-known misdirection tactic. And here we go again, with the crying.
"He's just a man Donnatella!" I tell myself angrily. "There is no point in making your life revolve around him. You aren't even his girlfriend, and he already has broken your heart." And with that depressing thought, I start sobbing again. I sit in my stall for a few more minutes, and let myself calm down. I need to compose myself enough to make reappearance in the bullpen without bursting into tears like a four-year-old at a birthday party gone awry. I look at myself in the mirror. Great, now I look like Rudolph the freaking red-nosed reindeer. Damn my alabaster skin. And while we're at it, damn Josh, beer and show tunes. I don't have the heart to send CJ and my mother into eternal damnation at this point. I find that damning people to hell can get very tiring. When I finally decide to venture back into the bullpen, I notice right away that Josh's door is closed, and that CJ's is wide open. CJ is in her office yelling at someone. Must be Danny. At least I'm not the only one who has to deal with the wrath of Claudia Jean today. But I soon discover, she's only yelling because he was away for so long.
"So what you're saying is you missed me." Danny grins at CJ.
"Danny, I never once used the word 'miss.' It was just inconvenient for me, because I had no one to leak my stories too."
"CJ, do you know how many reporters are in the White House Press Room?" Danny smiles..
"Shut up." CJ says. I move away at that point. CJ and Danny have this bantering thing not unlike the one I have with...And my eyes start welling up again. Get a hold of yourself, Donna. This is precisely why a relationship with him is a bad idea. Just go back to work and keep yourself busy. And then tonight, plan a date with the two men who will never let you down: Ben and Jerry. Josh is still in his office with the door closed. Do you know how badly I want to find out what is going on in there? It's becoming an addiction. And then, I remember that CJ's office connects to Josh's, and that she is now on her way to a briefing. I run like hell for CJ's office, close the door, and put my ear up to the connecting door. You know how in movies, they always put a water glass up against the door so they can hear what's going on? Well, it doesn't work. Of course, it could have something to do with the fact that I am using an old coffee mug.
And now that I have gone completely off topic, let's return the good people to the problem at hand. I'm trying my hardest to hear what's going on, when the outer door opens. I don't realize anyone has come in, until I hear a voice right above my head."Donna? What are you doing in here?" Sam asks.
"Nothing but your run of the mill spying."I answer him. "Wanna help?"
"Sure. Who are we spying on?"
"Josh."
Sam pales. "Um Donna? Are you sure? I mean, he might be having an important conversation..."
"Oh really?" I respond to this singularly un-Sam comment. "Are you the same Sam Seaborn who was willing to help Josh on his covert operation to steal Mrs. Landingham's cookies?"
Sam's face goes from white to red in seconds. "That was...different. We were really hungry. And please never mention that again." What Sam didn't mention was that he and Josh had been caught, literally, with their hands in the cookie jar. Josh had made a run for it, and left Sam to take the fall. Mrs. Landingham gave him a strict talking to, and suggested perhaps Sam needed professional help for his "problem."
"Don't you think this is a good time to get your revenge Sam?" Nothing like bringing revenge into it.
"Well, as tempting as it sounds Donna, I think we'd better let your mom handle this one...I mean...uh-oh." Sam's face goes white again.
My mother is in the office with Josh. My mother. What the hell?"Sam, why is my mother in Josh's office?" I ask.
"I uh, I don't know. I gotta go Donna. I have an important meeting...of the government...right now." and Sam gets out of there faster than a bat out of hell. I give up. If Josh wants to pour his heart out to my mother, let him. Go on Josh, tell her how much you hate the idea of being in love with me. Tell my mommy just how you feel about me. That you think I'm a dependable assistant with horrible taste in men. That you hate the idea of my dating anyone. That...Well that can be taken two different ways. But say anything bad about me to my mom, and she will open up a can of whoop-ass on you. And after she's done, I'll finish the job. What are they talking about in there?