Lost Confused unkind
Chapter 118
"Beer?" I jumped and turned around quickly, "My my we are a little jumpy tonight!"
"Just don't sneak up on me like that Shawn! I was miles away!"
There was another cheer from inside & we both glanced at the door. "Idiots!" Shawn laughed & sat down beside me on the bench. "I ah thought you might like another beer but I guess I was wrong!" he said as he gestured to the beer in my hand.
"I'm sure I can put it to some use!" I took the bottle from his hand & placed it on the small table infront of us.
"So...." he took a drink from his bottle, "Quite a night huh?"
"You said that already!"
"I did?"
"Are you following me?"
"Maybe?"
"For what reason?" I turned to face him & he looked me straight in the eye.
"Because I thought you could use a friend!"
"Oh didn't you know I have dozens already!" I waved my arm at the door.
Shawn licked his lips, "You're not an easy person to get along with you know that?"
I shurgged my shoulders & took another drink, "I'm just very selective about who I call a friend!"
"Yeah now why is that?" I looked at him, his eyes still on mine something I knew he always did from previous encounters with him! It had un nerved me the first couple of times we'd met & I used to look anywhere to avoid meeting his piercing gaze, but tonight I stood my ground!
"Don't let it concern you!" I took a cigarette from the pack & went to light it but Shawn's hand was on the lighter before mine. We stared at each other until the flickering flame distraced me from his eyes & I leaned in & lit my cigarette. "Thanks." I said as he put the lighter back onto the table. We sat listening to the commotion comming from inside & the sounds of the busy London traffic, even at 3 in the morning! "So was there a particular reason for you thinking I needed a friend tonight or are you just doing your community samaritan service?"
He shrugged, "You've had a rough night what with Jeff getting hurt!"
"AND Dwayne!" I reminded him.
He nodded slowly, "See now that's something that I just do not get at all!"
"Oh? And wwhat would that be?"
"You & Dwayne!"
I let out a laugh, "What's to get?"
"Well there you have Jeff who's a nice guy, your age, good looker, would do absolutely anything for you........"
"Was almost my brother in law!" I smiled sarcastically at Shawn & he stopped mid sentance & nodded slowly.
"Yeah there's that too I guess!" We sat in silence for a while until I finished my cigarette & threw the end on the floor.
"Dwayne & I are friends, good friends! That's it! No more to understand, no more to 'get'."
"It's that simple?"
"Yup!" I finished my beer & got the other bottle from the table.
"And you & Jeff are...?"
"Not simple!" I finally let my guard down & laughed.
"Yet I get the distinct impression that he loves you..that he's IN love with you..." I didn't say anything I just carried on drinking. "So the feeling's not mutual I take it?"
"Look why the sudden interest in me & Jeff? The feeling isn't.....well I don't know what it is but I do know we are not good together! We seem to emotionally drain the life out of each other!"
"So you're not in love with him then?"
"It isn't that straight forward Shawn!"
"So what if I was to.....oh I dunno....hypothetically speaking here, tell you that.....he was seeing someone?" I stopped with my bottle half way to my mouth, "Then how would you feel?"
I gulped quickly & put the bottle to my mouth hoping that he hadn't seen my reaction but I knew it was too late! He was a reader of people Shawn, nothing much got past him! I shrugged my shoulders, "Is that what you're trying to tell me?"
"Hypothetically." He nodded & pursed his lips.
"Well what Jeff does with his life is up to him! Nothing to do with me if he is or he isn't."
"But you felt something!" He sat back in the seat & had another drink! MY heart was pounding & my mind racing with possible candidates.
"Is it Trish?" Shawn just shrugged slightly.
"Hypothetically I suppose it could be anyone! What are you feeling right now?" He sat forward.
"Nothing!" I lied.
"Like maybe that's it? You've missed your chance? The game's over?" I looked away. "Because that's what is written all over your face!"
"Why does it bother you how I'm feeling?"
"Just looking out for a friend that's all!"
There was another couple of minutes of awkward silence, "So, is he seeing someone?" I tried to sound like it was a matter of fact question, that it didn't bother me, like I didn't care!
Shawn bit his bottom lip & looked at me, "What difference would it make if he was?" I opened my mouth to say something then thought better of it. "Are you seeing someone?"
"No."
"But you'd be with Edge if he wasn't with your friend!"
"What? NO! Actually I've been there & done that!" I snapped.
"Ah right! History huh?" I gave him a cold stare then turned my face away.
"None of your damn business!" I stood up, "Y'know I could go out & just screw anyone, it's no one's business but my own!" I started to raise my voice.
"Jeff would kill me if I let you do that!" he smiled & winked at me.
"Oh right! OK! Now I get it! Please watch Bec for me Shawn & pump her for information see if I'm in with a shot! well way to go heartbreak kid!"
"It's not like that at all! Sit down!" I looked at him for a few seconds before I sat beside him on the bench. "He wanted me to watch you yes, because he wanted me to make sure you were safe that's all!" Shawn smiled, "You just have no idea do you?"
I looked at him confused, "About what?"
"Jesus!" Shawn ran a hand through his hair, 'Nothin! Look he cares about you girl! like A LOT ok? He wanted me to see that you were ok that's all! The rest was down to me!"
"So who is he seeing then?"
Shawn smiled, "No one that I know of!" The look of relief on my face said it all! He'd been right I did think I'd lost my chance! "But didn't it make you realise something?"
"Yeah it made me realise you're a smart ass!"
"It's been said before!" He smiled, "Just remember how you felt ok? He's a good guy ya know? But he's not gonna wait forever!" He patted me leg & stood up & went back inside leaving me sitting there thinking 'what the fuck was that all about?!"
Chapter 118
"Beer?" I jumped and turned around quickly, "My my we are a little jumpy tonight!"
"Just don't sneak up on me like that Shawn! I was miles away!"
There was another cheer from inside & we both glanced at the door. "Idiots!" Shawn laughed & sat down beside me on the bench. "I ah thought you might like another beer but I guess I was wrong!" he said as he gestured to the beer in my hand.
"I'm sure I can put it to some use!" I took the bottle from his hand & placed it on the small table infront of us.
"So...." he took a drink from his bottle, "Quite a night huh?"
"You said that already!"
"I did?"
"Are you following me?"
"Maybe?"
"For what reason?" I turned to face him & he looked me straight in the eye.
"Because I thought you could use a friend!"
"Oh didn't you know I have dozens already!" I waved my arm at the door.
Shawn licked his lips, "You're not an easy person to get along with you know that?"
I shurgged my shoulders & took another drink, "I'm just very selective about who I call a friend!"
"Yeah now why is that?" I looked at him, his eyes still on mine something I knew he always did from previous encounters with him! It had un nerved me the first couple of times we'd met & I used to look anywhere to avoid meeting his piercing gaze, but tonight I stood my ground!
"Don't let it concern you!" I took a cigarette from the pack & went to light it but Shawn's hand was on the lighter before mine. We stared at each other until the flickering flame distraced me from his eyes & I leaned in & lit my cigarette. "Thanks." I said as he put the lighter back onto the table. We sat listening to the commotion comming from inside & the sounds of the busy London traffic, even at 3 in the morning! "So was there a particular reason for you thinking I needed a friend tonight or are you just doing your community samaritan service?"
He shrugged, "You've had a rough night what with Jeff getting hurt!"
"AND Dwayne!" I reminded him.
He nodded slowly, "See now that's something that I just do not get at all!"
"Oh? And wwhat would that be?"
"You & Dwayne!"
I let out a laugh, "What's to get?"
"Well there you have Jeff who's a nice guy, your age, good looker, would do absolutely anything for you........"
"Was almost my brother in law!" I smiled sarcastically at Shawn & he stopped mid sentance & nodded slowly.
"Yeah there's that too I guess!" We sat in silence for a while until I finished my cigarette & threw the end on the floor.
"Dwayne & I are friends, good friends! That's it! No more to understand, no more to 'get'."
"It's that simple?"
"Yup!" I finished my beer & got the other bottle from the table.
"And you & Jeff are...?"
"Not simple!" I finally let my guard down & laughed.
"Yet I get the distinct impression that he loves you..that he's IN love with you..." I didn't say anything I just carried on drinking. "So the feeling's not mutual I take it?"
"Look why the sudden interest in me & Jeff? The feeling isn't.....well I don't know what it is but I do know we are not good together! We seem to emotionally drain the life out of each other!"
"So you're not in love with him then?"
"It isn't that straight forward Shawn!"
"So what if I was to.....oh I dunno....hypothetically speaking here, tell you that.....he was seeing someone?" I stopped with my bottle half way to my mouth, "Then how would you feel?"
I gulped quickly & put the bottle to my mouth hoping that he hadn't seen my reaction but I knew it was too late! He was a reader of people Shawn, nothing much got past him! I shrugged my shoulders, "Is that what you're trying to tell me?"
"Hypothetically." He nodded & pursed his lips.
"Well what Jeff does with his life is up to him! Nothing to do with me if he is or he isn't."
"But you felt something!" He sat back in the seat & had another drink! MY heart was pounding & my mind racing with possible candidates.
"Is it Trish?" Shawn just shrugged slightly.
"Hypothetically I suppose it could be anyone! What are you feeling right now?" He sat forward.
"Nothing!" I lied.
"Like maybe that's it? You've missed your chance? The game's over?" I looked away. "Because that's what is written all over your face!"
"Why does it bother you how I'm feeling?"
"Just looking out for a friend that's all!"
There was another couple of minutes of awkward silence, "So, is he seeing someone?" I tried to sound like it was a matter of fact question, that it didn't bother me, like I didn't care!
Shawn bit his bottom lip & looked at me, "What difference would it make if he was?" I opened my mouth to say something then thought better of it. "Are you seeing someone?"
"No."
"But you'd be with Edge if he wasn't with your friend!"
"What? NO! Actually I've been there & done that!" I snapped.
"Ah right! History huh?" I gave him a cold stare then turned my face away.
"None of your damn business!" I stood up, "Y'know I could go out & just screw anyone, it's no one's business but my own!" I started to raise my voice.
"Jeff would kill me if I let you do that!" he smiled & winked at me.
"Oh right! OK! Now I get it! Please watch Bec for me Shawn & pump her for information see if I'm in with a shot! well way to go heartbreak kid!"
"It's not like that at all! Sit down!" I looked at him for a few seconds before I sat beside him on the bench. "He wanted me to watch you yes, because he wanted me to make sure you were safe that's all!" Shawn smiled, "You just have no idea do you?"
I looked at him confused, "About what?"
"Jesus!" Shawn ran a hand through his hair, 'Nothin! Look he cares about you girl! like A LOT ok? He wanted me to see that you were ok that's all! The rest was down to me!"
"So who is he seeing then?"
Shawn smiled, "No one that I know of!" The look of relief on my face said it all! He'd been right I did think I'd lost my chance! "But didn't it make you realise something?"
"Yeah it made me realise you're a smart ass!"
"It's been said before!" He smiled, "Just remember how you felt ok? He's a good guy ya know? But he's not gonna wait forever!" He patted me leg & stood up & went back inside leaving me sitting there thinking 'what the fuck was that all about?!"