Disclaimers: I don't own them. If I did, Mrs. L would still be giving out
cookies to everyone. In my world, she still is.
A/N: Thank you to all five of you that reviewed! It makes me so unbelievably happy to know that a) people are reading and b) that there are people who actually like my writing! You guys rule! And now I have a small confession to make. Ahem, see, like I said in part one, I wrote this fic way back in the days of S2 when Mrs. L was still doing her thing, and Sam hadn't left because he got his own series. So, actually this fic has been finished for awhile. Why am I tormenting you by drawing it out? That's where my ego comes in. See, my twisted thought process was that I would update to keep bumping it up so people would R/R. Yes, I am evil. (The really long period without updates was because the disk I had the first 8 parts saved on was evil, and wouldn't let me access the file, but I finally figured it out.) So feel free to yell at me for denying you J/D goodness. And now, on with the fic! (Don't hurt me please!)
A cold draft seems to be coming up through my floor. Why you ask? The answer is simple.
Hell just froze over.
Or, rather as my friend Sarah always says, hell has frozen over, thawed, and subsequently frozen over again.
I'm a bit confused here. Not only that, my head is aching from all that crying.
Now, see, most people would be happy to find out that the person they are in love with is in love with them too. So why, you may ask yourself, does my head ache from crying?
What do I look like, some kind of know-it-all emotional specialist? When CJ told me Josh was in love with me, I thought my heart was going to break. Yeah, I know I'm sick and twisted, but that's how it is.
See, I don't want to be with Josh. Yet.
I've been thinking about this in my head for a really long time, which, you know is really smart of me. (Ah, sarcasm, how I adore thee.) I've planned out exactly what I was going to say to Josh, the day he unbarred his heart to me, telling me I'm the only one for him. Of course, all of this was preceded by a very long courtship where Josh lavished me with love and attention.
He had to make me love him first. That's the problem. Obviously, I love him more than anything in the world, and sometimes I wonder if I could ever live without him. But it's all too easy for him.
Josh is an incredibly brilliant man. He never had to struggle through school and he always knew what he wanted to do with his life.
I almost failed math in high school, and changed majors so many times in college that I could barely remember what my major of the month was.
So call me, sick, twisted, insane or demented. Josh has to make me fall in love with him, because frankly, after what I've been through this week, I could use a little attention.
Now, this is the major turning point of the battle. Do I entrust CJ and my mom in my plan, thus employing the two greatest criminal minds known to man in my scheme? But at the same time, I risk them leaking information to Josh. Or should I leave them in the dark and work alone, knowing all the time that they are working against me?
Oh how I loathe a catch 22.
Well, if I clue them in, at least I can labor under the delusion that someone is on my side.
"CJ. Mom. I have a plan."
"Oh that's nice dear. Are you going to tell us what it is?" My mother hands me a mug of tea.
"Well, see, I want Josh to make me fall in love with him."
"Um, Donna? Can I clear up something here?" CJ gives me a puzzled look. "You already love him."
"Yeah, but see, he doesn't know that. I want to be wooed."
CJ chokes back something that could be considered a laugh. "Well, see, slight problem there..."
That's right. My plan. My beautiful, beautiful plan is ruined now because CJ the Relationship Guru gave Josh my damn lists. "Fix it. CJ, please, for the love of all that in sane and holy, fix it."
For once in her life, CJ looks completely at loss for a plan. I sat there glaring at her, until my mother said quietly, "You know Donna, I did happen to glance over you lists, and there's nothing there that could really lead Josh to believe it was he you were thinking of. There are no mentions of coffee, or any kind of personal joke between the two of you. The only reason why he thought it was about him, was because we told him it was."
I love you mommy. "So...wait! Wait! It's coming to me...." CJ and my mom look at me expectantly, as the plan forms in my brain. "We could pretend there were two sets of lists! And that one was about, um, my brother! And the other, platonic one, was about Josh." Ye gads, that was easy! Now for my next trick...
"Um, Donna. I have another question." CJ looks really confused. "You love Josh, right?"
"Right." You're a smart woman, CJ.
"And Josh loves you, right?"
"I think so."
"So, why are we making up this plan?"
I launch into my whole theory behind this, as CJ and my mom exchange glances. "Donna, don't you think you're making this a little too complicated?" My mother asks, as she wanders off to the kitchen to get more cookies.
"Well, maybe, but the point is..."
"I get the point! You want to play hard to get." CJ hisses at me, so my mom won't hear.
"Gee CJ, when you put it like that, it doesn't sound half so elegant." I hiss back.
"Donna, for once in your life, just make things easy."
"But it's not supposed to end like this!" I suddenly shout out. "It's supposed to be all romantic, with Josh realizing he loves me through a stroke of fate. But he's unsure of my love, and feels like he has to make me love him. There's supposed to be sexual tension!" My God, I think I've lost it.
"Donna, what the hell do you think has been going on for the last three years!" CJ gives me this exasperated look, before collapsing on the couch in frustration.
Huh? "I...I don't understand." Yeah, I really don't understand.
"Donna, don't you realize that for the past three years, sexual tension has been overflowing from Josh's office into the bullpen? This is not a new revelation, at least on his part, though I'm inclined to think on yours too."
"So, what you're saying is, I have been...wooed?"
"Well, yeah, in a way, I guess."
"Then how come I don't feel like it."
"Donna..."
"No, really CJ. What has Josh done that is overly romantic?" I'm actually getting angry.
"You want the list in alphabetical order?" CJ grins at me.
"Not unless it starts with 'F' for fish." I snap back.
CJ suddenly turns deep red. "Or 'F' for flowers."
Now it's my turn to turn red. "Doesn't count. It was the wrong month."
"Which makes it all the more sweet." She grins. Fine two can play this game.
"Fish food." I hurl at her.
"A book on skiing, complete with personal message." she retorts effortlessly.
"An offer to take you to a basketball game and explain it in a patronizing manner."
"He gets jealous when you go out with other men."
"He kisses you in your office, and makes you walk into a door."
"Hey! I told you that in the strictest confidence, not so you could use it against me!" CJ pauses. "Shows up at your apartment drunk."
"That's not romantic, it's annoying." I comment. "Flirts with you just to flirt with you."
"Insists on coming home with you, while serenading you with show tunes."
"I can keep going CJ." I warn.
"In the words of Oliver Babbish, 'Bring it on." CJ replies. The two of us are glaring at each other from across the room, as my mother comes in.
"Girls, girls, girls! Enough of this pettiness! CJ, Danny is very romantic, and I may say, adorable. Donna, Josh is exactly the same. Now, what are we going to do about Donnatella?
A/N: Thank you to all five of you that reviewed! It makes me so unbelievably happy to know that a) people are reading and b) that there are people who actually like my writing! You guys rule! And now I have a small confession to make. Ahem, see, like I said in part one, I wrote this fic way back in the days of S2 when Mrs. L was still doing her thing, and Sam hadn't left because he got his own series. So, actually this fic has been finished for awhile. Why am I tormenting you by drawing it out? That's where my ego comes in. See, my twisted thought process was that I would update to keep bumping it up so people would R/R. Yes, I am evil. (The really long period without updates was because the disk I had the first 8 parts saved on was evil, and wouldn't let me access the file, but I finally figured it out.) So feel free to yell at me for denying you J/D goodness. And now, on with the fic! (Don't hurt me please!)
A cold draft seems to be coming up through my floor. Why you ask? The answer is simple.
Hell just froze over.
Or, rather as my friend Sarah always says, hell has frozen over, thawed, and subsequently frozen over again.
I'm a bit confused here. Not only that, my head is aching from all that crying.
Now, see, most people would be happy to find out that the person they are in love with is in love with them too. So why, you may ask yourself, does my head ache from crying?
What do I look like, some kind of know-it-all emotional specialist? When CJ told me Josh was in love with me, I thought my heart was going to break. Yeah, I know I'm sick and twisted, but that's how it is.
See, I don't want to be with Josh. Yet.
I've been thinking about this in my head for a really long time, which, you know is really smart of me. (Ah, sarcasm, how I adore thee.) I've planned out exactly what I was going to say to Josh, the day he unbarred his heart to me, telling me I'm the only one for him. Of course, all of this was preceded by a very long courtship where Josh lavished me with love and attention.
He had to make me love him first. That's the problem. Obviously, I love him more than anything in the world, and sometimes I wonder if I could ever live without him. But it's all too easy for him.
Josh is an incredibly brilliant man. He never had to struggle through school and he always knew what he wanted to do with his life.
I almost failed math in high school, and changed majors so many times in college that I could barely remember what my major of the month was.
So call me, sick, twisted, insane or demented. Josh has to make me fall in love with him, because frankly, after what I've been through this week, I could use a little attention.
Now, this is the major turning point of the battle. Do I entrust CJ and my mom in my plan, thus employing the two greatest criminal minds known to man in my scheme? But at the same time, I risk them leaking information to Josh. Or should I leave them in the dark and work alone, knowing all the time that they are working against me?
Oh how I loathe a catch 22.
Well, if I clue them in, at least I can labor under the delusion that someone is on my side.
"CJ. Mom. I have a plan."
"Oh that's nice dear. Are you going to tell us what it is?" My mother hands me a mug of tea.
"Well, see, I want Josh to make me fall in love with him."
"Um, Donna? Can I clear up something here?" CJ gives me a puzzled look. "You already love him."
"Yeah, but see, he doesn't know that. I want to be wooed."
CJ chokes back something that could be considered a laugh. "Well, see, slight problem there..."
That's right. My plan. My beautiful, beautiful plan is ruined now because CJ the Relationship Guru gave Josh my damn lists. "Fix it. CJ, please, for the love of all that in sane and holy, fix it."
For once in her life, CJ looks completely at loss for a plan. I sat there glaring at her, until my mother said quietly, "You know Donna, I did happen to glance over you lists, and there's nothing there that could really lead Josh to believe it was he you were thinking of. There are no mentions of coffee, or any kind of personal joke between the two of you. The only reason why he thought it was about him, was because we told him it was."
I love you mommy. "So...wait! Wait! It's coming to me...." CJ and my mom look at me expectantly, as the plan forms in my brain. "We could pretend there were two sets of lists! And that one was about, um, my brother! And the other, platonic one, was about Josh." Ye gads, that was easy! Now for my next trick...
"Um, Donna. I have another question." CJ looks really confused. "You love Josh, right?"
"Right." You're a smart woman, CJ.
"And Josh loves you, right?"
"I think so."
"So, why are we making up this plan?"
I launch into my whole theory behind this, as CJ and my mom exchange glances. "Donna, don't you think you're making this a little too complicated?" My mother asks, as she wanders off to the kitchen to get more cookies.
"Well, maybe, but the point is..."
"I get the point! You want to play hard to get." CJ hisses at me, so my mom won't hear.
"Gee CJ, when you put it like that, it doesn't sound half so elegant." I hiss back.
"Donna, for once in your life, just make things easy."
"But it's not supposed to end like this!" I suddenly shout out. "It's supposed to be all romantic, with Josh realizing he loves me through a stroke of fate. But he's unsure of my love, and feels like he has to make me love him. There's supposed to be sexual tension!" My God, I think I've lost it.
"Donna, what the hell do you think has been going on for the last three years!" CJ gives me this exasperated look, before collapsing on the couch in frustration.
Huh? "I...I don't understand." Yeah, I really don't understand.
"Donna, don't you realize that for the past three years, sexual tension has been overflowing from Josh's office into the bullpen? This is not a new revelation, at least on his part, though I'm inclined to think on yours too."
"So, what you're saying is, I have been...wooed?"
"Well, yeah, in a way, I guess."
"Then how come I don't feel like it."
"Donna..."
"No, really CJ. What has Josh done that is overly romantic?" I'm actually getting angry.
"You want the list in alphabetical order?" CJ grins at me.
"Not unless it starts with 'F' for fish." I snap back.
CJ suddenly turns deep red. "Or 'F' for flowers."
Now it's my turn to turn red. "Doesn't count. It was the wrong month."
"Which makes it all the more sweet." She grins. Fine two can play this game.
"Fish food." I hurl at her.
"A book on skiing, complete with personal message." she retorts effortlessly.
"An offer to take you to a basketball game and explain it in a patronizing manner."
"He gets jealous when you go out with other men."
"He kisses you in your office, and makes you walk into a door."
"Hey! I told you that in the strictest confidence, not so you could use it against me!" CJ pauses. "Shows up at your apartment drunk."
"That's not romantic, it's annoying." I comment. "Flirts with you just to flirt with you."
"Insists on coming home with you, while serenading you with show tunes."
"I can keep going CJ." I warn.
"In the words of Oliver Babbish, 'Bring it on." CJ replies. The two of us are glaring at each other from across the room, as my mother comes in.
"Girls, girls, girls! Enough of this pettiness! CJ, Danny is very romantic, and I may say, adorable. Donna, Josh is exactly the same. Now, what are we going to do about Donnatella?