Commentary
They say that the greatest critic is the mind of the author. Supposing this is true, I feel I have the right to speak my mind about my own work. This is strictly for the curiosity of anyone who reads my work and if you're actually reading this, I'm assuming that you read my work. If any of you wish to have me comment on your work in the same manner, feel free to contact me.
Planning and preparation
I must admit the truth to you right now. I am not actually a Pokemon fan. My personal opinion has always been that the show has a very good concept, but lacks the proper presentation for said concept. It no doubt could have become one of the best TV shows ever made, but it fell sadly short, just like most Disney films and all the "works" of Genndy Tartakovsky. The only reason that I wrote this fanfic in the first place is because I had nothing else to work on. I had written the outline for this story as a bet I'd made that if a real writer had a hold of the show, it could be good. I was about twelve at that time and absolutely convinced that I was the best writer in the world. Anyhow, I found that outline on my desk while I was struggling with writer's block and thought, 'Eh, what the heck.' I started to do research for this project immediately. Yes. I am a freak who has to research everything about a topic before I begin to write on it. Why do you ask? I must say that research was quite an eye opening experience. Thanks to the Internet, and the uncensored first movie loaned to me by a friend who lived in Japan for thirteen years, I have gained a begrudging respect for the show. I still feel that it could be much better than it is, but I don't think it's completely stupid, as the censored American version would lead you to believe. There is a lot more to Pokemon than is immediately apparent. My research mostly stuck to studying the characters and the geography, as well as getting myself up to date with the current season. Also a part of the planning stage was fixing up my outline. I had written it before what I like to call my "first paradigm shift;" before I had really figured out what makes a good story. The outline was very rough and full of action with little time spent on character interaction or development. In the course of cleaning it up, Team Rocket's involvement with Ash and co. became lessened, Ivan Zokas replaced Giovanni, Maruyama Shigure developed from an obscure hermit to a generous and charitable man and Gary Oak was dropped from the plot entirely. Another major change was that, in the original, both Shigure and Mewtwo were killed. Even though I like tragedies, this didn't seem right for the kind of theme I wanted to put into my story, so I reworked it so that Mewtwo survived, which seemed to work out better in the end.
Characters
The success to any good story does not lie in the action, or even in the plot at all, but in the characters. If the characters don't seem real, or if you can't make your audience identify with them in some way, then what happens to those characters is unimportant and the story is a waste of time. That was the big discovery of my "first paradigm shift" and it led to the rule that I never make a character important unless I know everything about that character: his personality, his history, where he comes from, how he thinks, etc. This led to some problems in writing a fanfic, where I did not create the characters that the story is about. As far as I know, there are no episodes in the show that are about the pasts of the characters, which is its key fault. Instead, I had to rely on inferences and guesswork, which made me worry about how an audience would accept my work once I submitted it (something I didn't originally intend to do). I am curious to know your opinions on my portrayal, so please let me know if you find the time.
Ash is undoubtedly the main character of the story. It revolves around what happens to him and how it affects him. Ash is one of Pokemon's most developed characters, so I didn't loose too much sleep wondering about how I would use him. My opinion of him is that he is still at that naïve age where you believe that you are the most important person in the world. This is not yet a bad thing for him and I don't feel it will become a problem for him. He is basically a good person, though a bit lazy and self- centered, he just needs a little more time to grow up. I gathered that he was also more than a little impressionable and can be easily influenced by what people he respects say to him. Looking back over the story, I do believe I brought out this trait just a little to strongly, which make him seems kind of stupid in one particular scene, which I did not intend. I really wanted to make this a growing up story for Ash, in a sense, start him down the path to adulthood. I did not want him to be the same person in the end as he was in the beginning. I achieved this mainly through his interaction with Maruyama-san. Ultimately, I do believe that Ash became a stronger and more mature person because of the time he spent with Shigure. The epilogue was another addition to the original outline, since I wanted to show the audience what kind of person he became because of his experience.
Misty was an interesting character to me. She was a tomboy, with three older sisters, who probably all played with Barbie dolls and spent ninety hours a week combing their hair. I always pictured her as the kind of person you would hear people talk about, saying things like "Her father always wanted a boy." Nonetheless, the influence of her sisters is apparent on her. She has a sense of manners, she doesn't like bugs and she does spend enough time on her hair to put it into a (whatever you call that thing sticking up out of her head). She seems very independent and not so interested in proving herself to anyone as other people on the show. Her purpose in the show, as I understand it, is to be an anchor for Ash's ego, keeping him from getting an inflated opinion of himself (if she can). As this was to be a growing up story for Ash, I didn't make use of this too much, but it does pop up every now and then.
One of my inferences about her was one that I had guessed at from the time my friend showed me the uncensored version of the first movie. In my mind, I see Misty as having strong motherly instincts, though it is a side of her that she tries not to show. I show this towards the end. When Shigure is killed and Mewtwo is beside himself with grief, it is she who embraces him, providing him with the comfort and warmth that he needs to go on. I personally think that this is my best character moment with her, though some of you may disagree with me.
There was one aspect that I added to her character; a biting wit. The reason for this is that Misty reminds me a lot of my girlfriend. They are so similar in behavior and appearance, that it's kind of scary. The difference between them is that my girlfriend has a very sharp tongue (knife-edged, as I have described it). I added this to Misty because it helped me to personalize myself with the character, making her easier for me to work with.
Brock (chuckles weakly). Those of you who list Brock as their favorite character in Pokemon will probably hate me for this work. You may think that he seems out of place, or that he isn't really doing anything important to the plot. If either of these are your opinion, you are absolutely correct. Working with him made me feel very uncomfortable because he is the character I know the least about. All that I can gather about him is that he wants to be a breeder and that at times he is a bit more mature than the rest of them, even though he is kind of a playboy. I have not, for the life of me, been able to figure out what his purpose in the show is. What exactly does he do? As a result of this, he comes off as kind of an empty character. His dialogue is choppy and often only meant to say, "I'm still here!" I believe that this is the same problem that the directors had with half the cast in the disastrous live-action movie based on the game Street Fighter II.
The Team Rocket Trio, consisting of Jessie, James and Meowth, were another set of characters that troubled me. The difference between them and Brock was the fact that I know what they do. The answer is nothing. The TRT don't do anything that permanently affects the plot or moves the story in any way. Nothing they do has consistent effects from one episode to the next and, in the first movie, they could have been removed from the plot entirely and it wouldn't have made a difference. They are the weakest characters on the show, but since I had Team Rocket involved in the plot, I felt that I had to make some use of them somehow. Their part is very small and they're moved to the fringe ends of the plot, but I did find a place for them. Through their bumbling and stumbling they actually make the climax of the plot possible when they reveal the location of Mewtwo to Ivan. I'm pleased with how their involvement turned out. Jessie and James lovers can feel free to yell at me if they wish, but it was either this, or hurt my brain trying to make use of characters that are otherwise just useless and annoying.
In every single book that I write, I usually like to have a character that represents myself, and allows me to express my personal feelings exactly as I feel them. In this story, Mewtwo is that character. In the first movie, Mewtwo was the character I most identified with, though the reasons for this can only be seen in the uncensored version. Mewtwo is a very deep thinking, philosophically inclined person. He is always wondering what the purpose of life is, why he was born and what he is supposed to do with his life. Even though he is certainly capable of caring for others, he can't seem to get over the fact that humans created him only for the purpose of being their servant and at first only wanted to prove that he wasn't a slave to any human. Even after his first meeting with Ash, he still has a hard time getting along with people and feels that they only see him as a source of unchallengable power. That is very much like the kind of person that I am and his life's story is one that I strongly identify with. One of my friends actually declared my writing of this story as "My secret love affair with Mewtwo." While that's a kind of disturbing way to put it, it actually doesn't hit too far off the mark.
I did introduce two characters to the plot and I used them to bring my theme out. Shigure (called Robert in the original outline), was the good example for my theme. I wanted to make him a skilled, almost legendary, trainer of pokemon, but at the same time wanted him to be a very generous and caring person. In order to make him into this kind of person, the idea of have both of his parents killed by a fire developed. I gave him a strong desire to honor his parents because of their sacrifice for him. To me, this was one of those things that you really wish hadn't happened to him, but at the same time, you know that if it hadn't, he never would have become the person he was. Life is very sad that way. Sometimes the things hurt us the most are the things that do the best for us. I tried to develop it so that my audience wouldn't see his death coming until just before it happened, but at the same time, I didn't want it to be a surprise for anyone. It was supposed to be one of those things that just seemed natural. It just had to happen. I think that I did a fairly decent job of this, though I won't know for sure until I get some feedback. Ivan Zokas is the other introduced character and the bad example of my theme. Should you care to know, his name is pronounced Ee-vahn, not I-ven. Ivan, I think, is actually one of my best villains. Unfortunately, I didn't really bring out his character as much as I wanted to. There was a lot to his personality that I couldn't find a way to show in the plot. When he first meets with Shigure and the others, trying to convince them to sell Mewtwo to him, you get an idea of what I wanted him to seem like. On the outside, he's a silver-tongued serpent who could sell a refrigerator to an Eskimo. That was what I really wanted my audience to see in him, but I think it failed to come across. I did get the real Ivan out pretty well, though. His ambitious, cruel and shrewd nature is more than apparent. The idea to make Ivan a smoker was not a part of the original. When I started writing, Ivan seemed very mechanical in his actions. He seemed to really lack a quirk to make him seem like a human, instead of some kind of killing machine. While I was doing an assignment for my English class, I wrote up some really great imagery with a smoker and I liked it so much I decided to throw it in. Later, as I was detailing the final battle and the part with Charizard turning on Ivan and burning his coat, I realized he'd lost his cigarettes. I have had a particularly bad experience with addictions, so I know just what was going through Ivan's mind in those last few moments. Everything is falling down around him and his only concern is the nicotine monkey on his back. I think it was actually pretty clever to use his addiction against him.
Plot and Presentation
Plot is the basic story, stripped down to its outline. Presentation is how you give that plot to your audience. These are the things that people will pay the most attention to, so most beginning writers think that they are the most important. Remember, people will accept a semi-decent plot if you have good enough characters, but you can't have a good plot with half-developed characters.
I'm pretty confident with my plot and I think it can hold out on its own. Most of my problems lie in presentation. My specific problems are dialogue and pacing. My problems with dialogue come from the fact that I'm anti-social and I don't know how people speak. Still, I do my best and I'm hoping that I get the most suggestions in this area. As far as pacing go, I'm experimenting. Pacing must be smooth and perfectly timed. If you go too fast, like I do a few times, then it seems sketchy, like a drawing that hasn't had its guidelines erased. If you go to slow, you'll just bore your audience to death, like in The Scarlet Letter. If you have any ideas on how to smooth over my pacing, please let me know. I'm willing to try anything to improve my work.
Another part of presentation is word choice and description, which could be compared to the camera angles and lighting in films. I'll be frank, when I started this project, I wasn't taking it seriously, so I didn't utilize all of my talents. Now, however, I really wish that I had. Even though I didn't give it my all, I still had a few places that were pretty good. Examples: Giovanni's death and the last bit of the battle between Sparky and Pikachu. Those are pretty good. Not the best in the world perhaps, but still pretty good. Something that I discovered in this project is that, if done right, there are some things that can hold an audience better than action. According to my friend, Mewtwo's seizure was more suspenseful than any of the battle sequences. While its obvious to me now, I honestly hadn't given the concept any thought.
Conclusion
Normally, this would be the part were I would give advice to the person who's work I'm reviewing. Since I'm analyzing my own work, I'll just give you the advice that I would've given myself and perhaps you can benefit from it. First, keep an open mind. If I had let my personal opinion of Pokemon stop me from writing this, I would have missed a great deal of useful experience. Second, always give your writing everything you've got. If you only do a half-hearted job, you will end up regretting it. I know I did.
Sayonara and happy writing,
Reynold James Dalton
They say that the greatest critic is the mind of the author. Supposing this is true, I feel I have the right to speak my mind about my own work. This is strictly for the curiosity of anyone who reads my work and if you're actually reading this, I'm assuming that you read my work. If any of you wish to have me comment on your work in the same manner, feel free to contact me.
Planning and preparation
I must admit the truth to you right now. I am not actually a Pokemon fan. My personal opinion has always been that the show has a very good concept, but lacks the proper presentation for said concept. It no doubt could have become one of the best TV shows ever made, but it fell sadly short, just like most Disney films and all the "works" of Genndy Tartakovsky. The only reason that I wrote this fanfic in the first place is because I had nothing else to work on. I had written the outline for this story as a bet I'd made that if a real writer had a hold of the show, it could be good. I was about twelve at that time and absolutely convinced that I was the best writer in the world. Anyhow, I found that outline on my desk while I was struggling with writer's block and thought, 'Eh, what the heck.' I started to do research for this project immediately. Yes. I am a freak who has to research everything about a topic before I begin to write on it. Why do you ask? I must say that research was quite an eye opening experience. Thanks to the Internet, and the uncensored first movie loaned to me by a friend who lived in Japan for thirteen years, I have gained a begrudging respect for the show. I still feel that it could be much better than it is, but I don't think it's completely stupid, as the censored American version would lead you to believe. There is a lot more to Pokemon than is immediately apparent. My research mostly stuck to studying the characters and the geography, as well as getting myself up to date with the current season. Also a part of the planning stage was fixing up my outline. I had written it before what I like to call my "first paradigm shift;" before I had really figured out what makes a good story. The outline was very rough and full of action with little time spent on character interaction or development. In the course of cleaning it up, Team Rocket's involvement with Ash and co. became lessened, Ivan Zokas replaced Giovanni, Maruyama Shigure developed from an obscure hermit to a generous and charitable man and Gary Oak was dropped from the plot entirely. Another major change was that, in the original, both Shigure and Mewtwo were killed. Even though I like tragedies, this didn't seem right for the kind of theme I wanted to put into my story, so I reworked it so that Mewtwo survived, which seemed to work out better in the end.
Characters
The success to any good story does not lie in the action, or even in the plot at all, but in the characters. If the characters don't seem real, or if you can't make your audience identify with them in some way, then what happens to those characters is unimportant and the story is a waste of time. That was the big discovery of my "first paradigm shift" and it led to the rule that I never make a character important unless I know everything about that character: his personality, his history, where he comes from, how he thinks, etc. This led to some problems in writing a fanfic, where I did not create the characters that the story is about. As far as I know, there are no episodes in the show that are about the pasts of the characters, which is its key fault. Instead, I had to rely on inferences and guesswork, which made me worry about how an audience would accept my work once I submitted it (something I didn't originally intend to do). I am curious to know your opinions on my portrayal, so please let me know if you find the time.
Ash is undoubtedly the main character of the story. It revolves around what happens to him and how it affects him. Ash is one of Pokemon's most developed characters, so I didn't loose too much sleep wondering about how I would use him. My opinion of him is that he is still at that naïve age where you believe that you are the most important person in the world. This is not yet a bad thing for him and I don't feel it will become a problem for him. He is basically a good person, though a bit lazy and self- centered, he just needs a little more time to grow up. I gathered that he was also more than a little impressionable and can be easily influenced by what people he respects say to him. Looking back over the story, I do believe I brought out this trait just a little to strongly, which make him seems kind of stupid in one particular scene, which I did not intend. I really wanted to make this a growing up story for Ash, in a sense, start him down the path to adulthood. I did not want him to be the same person in the end as he was in the beginning. I achieved this mainly through his interaction with Maruyama-san. Ultimately, I do believe that Ash became a stronger and more mature person because of the time he spent with Shigure. The epilogue was another addition to the original outline, since I wanted to show the audience what kind of person he became because of his experience.
Misty was an interesting character to me. She was a tomboy, with three older sisters, who probably all played with Barbie dolls and spent ninety hours a week combing their hair. I always pictured her as the kind of person you would hear people talk about, saying things like "Her father always wanted a boy." Nonetheless, the influence of her sisters is apparent on her. She has a sense of manners, she doesn't like bugs and she does spend enough time on her hair to put it into a (whatever you call that thing sticking up out of her head). She seems very independent and not so interested in proving herself to anyone as other people on the show. Her purpose in the show, as I understand it, is to be an anchor for Ash's ego, keeping him from getting an inflated opinion of himself (if she can). As this was to be a growing up story for Ash, I didn't make use of this too much, but it does pop up every now and then.
One of my inferences about her was one that I had guessed at from the time my friend showed me the uncensored version of the first movie. In my mind, I see Misty as having strong motherly instincts, though it is a side of her that she tries not to show. I show this towards the end. When Shigure is killed and Mewtwo is beside himself with grief, it is she who embraces him, providing him with the comfort and warmth that he needs to go on. I personally think that this is my best character moment with her, though some of you may disagree with me.
There was one aspect that I added to her character; a biting wit. The reason for this is that Misty reminds me a lot of my girlfriend. They are so similar in behavior and appearance, that it's kind of scary. The difference between them is that my girlfriend has a very sharp tongue (knife-edged, as I have described it). I added this to Misty because it helped me to personalize myself with the character, making her easier for me to work with.
Brock (chuckles weakly). Those of you who list Brock as their favorite character in Pokemon will probably hate me for this work. You may think that he seems out of place, or that he isn't really doing anything important to the plot. If either of these are your opinion, you are absolutely correct. Working with him made me feel very uncomfortable because he is the character I know the least about. All that I can gather about him is that he wants to be a breeder and that at times he is a bit more mature than the rest of them, even though he is kind of a playboy. I have not, for the life of me, been able to figure out what his purpose in the show is. What exactly does he do? As a result of this, he comes off as kind of an empty character. His dialogue is choppy and often only meant to say, "I'm still here!" I believe that this is the same problem that the directors had with half the cast in the disastrous live-action movie based on the game Street Fighter II.
The Team Rocket Trio, consisting of Jessie, James and Meowth, were another set of characters that troubled me. The difference between them and Brock was the fact that I know what they do. The answer is nothing. The TRT don't do anything that permanently affects the plot or moves the story in any way. Nothing they do has consistent effects from one episode to the next and, in the first movie, they could have been removed from the plot entirely and it wouldn't have made a difference. They are the weakest characters on the show, but since I had Team Rocket involved in the plot, I felt that I had to make some use of them somehow. Their part is very small and they're moved to the fringe ends of the plot, but I did find a place for them. Through their bumbling and stumbling they actually make the climax of the plot possible when they reveal the location of Mewtwo to Ivan. I'm pleased with how their involvement turned out. Jessie and James lovers can feel free to yell at me if they wish, but it was either this, or hurt my brain trying to make use of characters that are otherwise just useless and annoying.
In every single book that I write, I usually like to have a character that represents myself, and allows me to express my personal feelings exactly as I feel them. In this story, Mewtwo is that character. In the first movie, Mewtwo was the character I most identified with, though the reasons for this can only be seen in the uncensored version. Mewtwo is a very deep thinking, philosophically inclined person. He is always wondering what the purpose of life is, why he was born and what he is supposed to do with his life. Even though he is certainly capable of caring for others, he can't seem to get over the fact that humans created him only for the purpose of being their servant and at first only wanted to prove that he wasn't a slave to any human. Even after his first meeting with Ash, he still has a hard time getting along with people and feels that they only see him as a source of unchallengable power. That is very much like the kind of person that I am and his life's story is one that I strongly identify with. One of my friends actually declared my writing of this story as "My secret love affair with Mewtwo." While that's a kind of disturbing way to put it, it actually doesn't hit too far off the mark.
I did introduce two characters to the plot and I used them to bring my theme out. Shigure (called Robert in the original outline), was the good example for my theme. I wanted to make him a skilled, almost legendary, trainer of pokemon, but at the same time wanted him to be a very generous and caring person. In order to make him into this kind of person, the idea of have both of his parents killed by a fire developed. I gave him a strong desire to honor his parents because of their sacrifice for him. To me, this was one of those things that you really wish hadn't happened to him, but at the same time, you know that if it hadn't, he never would have become the person he was. Life is very sad that way. Sometimes the things hurt us the most are the things that do the best for us. I tried to develop it so that my audience wouldn't see his death coming until just before it happened, but at the same time, I didn't want it to be a surprise for anyone. It was supposed to be one of those things that just seemed natural. It just had to happen. I think that I did a fairly decent job of this, though I won't know for sure until I get some feedback. Ivan Zokas is the other introduced character and the bad example of my theme. Should you care to know, his name is pronounced Ee-vahn, not I-ven. Ivan, I think, is actually one of my best villains. Unfortunately, I didn't really bring out his character as much as I wanted to. There was a lot to his personality that I couldn't find a way to show in the plot. When he first meets with Shigure and the others, trying to convince them to sell Mewtwo to him, you get an idea of what I wanted him to seem like. On the outside, he's a silver-tongued serpent who could sell a refrigerator to an Eskimo. That was what I really wanted my audience to see in him, but I think it failed to come across. I did get the real Ivan out pretty well, though. His ambitious, cruel and shrewd nature is more than apparent. The idea to make Ivan a smoker was not a part of the original. When I started writing, Ivan seemed very mechanical in his actions. He seemed to really lack a quirk to make him seem like a human, instead of some kind of killing machine. While I was doing an assignment for my English class, I wrote up some really great imagery with a smoker and I liked it so much I decided to throw it in. Later, as I was detailing the final battle and the part with Charizard turning on Ivan and burning his coat, I realized he'd lost his cigarettes. I have had a particularly bad experience with addictions, so I know just what was going through Ivan's mind in those last few moments. Everything is falling down around him and his only concern is the nicotine monkey on his back. I think it was actually pretty clever to use his addiction against him.
Plot and Presentation
Plot is the basic story, stripped down to its outline. Presentation is how you give that plot to your audience. These are the things that people will pay the most attention to, so most beginning writers think that they are the most important. Remember, people will accept a semi-decent plot if you have good enough characters, but you can't have a good plot with half-developed characters.
I'm pretty confident with my plot and I think it can hold out on its own. Most of my problems lie in presentation. My specific problems are dialogue and pacing. My problems with dialogue come from the fact that I'm anti-social and I don't know how people speak. Still, I do my best and I'm hoping that I get the most suggestions in this area. As far as pacing go, I'm experimenting. Pacing must be smooth and perfectly timed. If you go too fast, like I do a few times, then it seems sketchy, like a drawing that hasn't had its guidelines erased. If you go to slow, you'll just bore your audience to death, like in The Scarlet Letter. If you have any ideas on how to smooth over my pacing, please let me know. I'm willing to try anything to improve my work.
Another part of presentation is word choice and description, which could be compared to the camera angles and lighting in films. I'll be frank, when I started this project, I wasn't taking it seriously, so I didn't utilize all of my talents. Now, however, I really wish that I had. Even though I didn't give it my all, I still had a few places that were pretty good. Examples: Giovanni's death and the last bit of the battle between Sparky and Pikachu. Those are pretty good. Not the best in the world perhaps, but still pretty good. Something that I discovered in this project is that, if done right, there are some things that can hold an audience better than action. According to my friend, Mewtwo's seizure was more suspenseful than any of the battle sequences. While its obvious to me now, I honestly hadn't given the concept any thought.
Conclusion
Normally, this would be the part were I would give advice to the person who's work I'm reviewing. Since I'm analyzing my own work, I'll just give you the advice that I would've given myself and perhaps you can benefit from it. First, keep an open mind. If I had let my personal opinion of Pokemon stop me from writing this, I would have missed a great deal of useful experience. Second, always give your writing everything you've got. If you only do a half-hearted job, you will end up regretting it. I know I did.
Sayonara and happy writing,
Reynold James Dalton