Ch 20: Sleepless Nights
"Understood. Thank you for the information." Integra hung up the phone after speaking with her Italian informant. After Dr. Williams' abduction and the destruction of the Vatican's secret laboratory, Integra had ordered her contact to keep an eye on any unusual activity coming from the Catholics. So far, there had been nothing, which concerned Integra more than violence or vows of revenge.
Constance paced the halls of the house. Integra had ordered her not to leave the grounds of the Hellsing house and had someone watching her almost all the time. Constance understood the reason for it, but it did not make her feel any less cooped up or restless. Her wandering took her past the kitchen. Through the open door, she could see Walter, who was preparing Integra's afternoon tea. I could use something to eat myself, she thought and stepped through the door.
"Good afternoon, Miss Constanace," Walter said as he spotted the doctor. "What can I do for you?"
I just thought I'd help myself to a snack, if that's all right."
"Of course, help yourself," Walter replied as he gestured to the refrigerator. As Constance rummaged through the jars and bottles, Walter was looking at her more closely. He was concerned as he had seen and heard her wandering the house at all hours of the night. The tired look on her face suggested that she had not been sleeping. Walter knew from his war experience that men often suffered from insomnia after a particularly traumatic experience and he suspected the same was happening to the doctor. Sir Integra had also demonstrated concern as Constance would not speak of the incident in the laboratory beyond the debriefing she had participated in after her return, not even to those she regarded as friends.
Walter's train of thought was broken when he saw that the doctor had caught him staring. "Is there something wrong, Walter?"
"I was just wondering if you were sleeping well. You look tired," Walter said, gathering his composure.
Constance sighed and looked down at the floor. "I've had some trouble with that. It seems no matter how hard I work, I'm too wound up to sleep when it's time for bed." She stopped there, not wanting to discuss the dreams that caused her to wake up in a cold sweat on the rare occasions that she was able to sleep. They were always a resume of the weeks she had spent in the laboratory while being treated like a guinea pig.
"Perhaps some exercise would help." Walter offered, although he knew full well that the only thing that would really help would be for her to talk about her experiences and work them through. He also knew that she would not listen to anyone who tried to suggest that she relive the experience by talking about it.
"Perhaps," Constance answered in a lifeless voice. "Thanks for the suggestion."
Walter swallowed a sigh as he watched Constance walk out of the kitchen with an apple in her hand, presumably to continue her wandering around the house.
Later that night, Walter knocked on Alucard's door. When a voice bade him to come in, he opened the door and walked to the small table in the middle of the room to drop off Alucard's ration. Once he had placed the ration on the table, he lingered in the room rather than leaving immediately as he usually did.
"Is there something I can do for you, Walter?" Alucard asked, sensing that Walter wanted to talk to him about something but was wondering how to go about it.
Walter cleared his throat and gave voice to the idea that had come to him earlier in the day. Walter knew that Alucard had been through the same kind of torture as Constance and had thought that perhaps if he could talk to her, it would help.
"I'll consider it, Walter."
"Thank you, Lord Alucard. I think it may do her some good." With that, Walter left, hoping that he had found a way to help the doctor.
After Walter left, Alucard sat in the chair next to the table and ripped open the package that contained his ration. As he drank, he considered Walter's request. He was somewhat reluctant to approach the doctor now. He had barely spoken to her since returning to the Hellsing house, preferring to keep busy with missions and training his apprentice. When he had seen Constance in the laboratory, he had been consumed by a violent rage and intense pity, which was something he had only felt once before, when Incognito had threatened his master. He was concerned that these unfamiliar feelings would make him weak, as weak as the police-girl. Being weak was unacceptable for a creature such as himself. But he also remembered what he had gone through after his months of torture, the flashbacks and sleepless days. He also remembered that there had been no one by his side, rather he had had plenty of time to dwell on it alone during twenty long years of imprisonment. That was something that no one should have to go through, he thought as he tossed his empty packet aside. He rose from the table, his mind made up.
The gymnasium of the Hellsing house was empty save for Constance, who was practicing kick-boxing moves on a large hanging bag like the ones boxers used to practice on. She was finding that abusing the piece of equipment was helping, especially when she pretended that it was that damned priest that she had spoken to. He had even come to observe some of the experiments that were performed, sadistic bastard. She kicked the bag even harder as this thought flitted through her mind. Now and again, a Hellsing officer would come through the room and steal an appreciative glance at the doctor's slender figure that was accentuated by the tight workout clothing she was wearing. Constance took no notice, concentrating on trying to beat the stuffing out of the bag, her rage intensifying as she remembered those weeks of hell. She gave the bag one final kick, channeling all of her rage into one move. The bag swayed wildly on the rope that held it.
"Very impressive, doctor." Constance turned to the sound of the familiar voice and saw Alucard leaning against the wall. He was without his coat and hat, which almost made him look normal.
"Hello Alucard," Constance said as she turned, shaking her tired arms slightly to restore the circulation.
"I don't think that Maxwell would have gotten up after that last kick," Alucard said as a smirk crossed his face.
How does he know that? Is he a mind reader or something? When Constance asked the questions that passed through her mind, Alucard replied "Under normal circumstances, yes, but I have never been able to read your thoughts."
"Then how did you know I was thinking about beating the stuffing out of that damned priest?"
"Because I felt the same way after my experiences. Unfortunately, I was not fortunate enough to be able to express it." Alucard said, the smirk leaving his face to be replaced by a more serious expression.
"How did you manage to get through it?" Constance asked as she eyed the floor. She had not been willing to discuss those days with anyone so far, but it seemed only natural to speak of it to another who had been through the same thing.
"I slept for twenty years. I dreamed about those days so much that I got used to it."
"I don't know if I can ever get over it. Every time I think I'm close to my life being my own again, the scars on my body remind me." Constance looked at the floor for another moment before looking at Alucard again with a brave smile and squaring her shoulders. "I guess it will take some more time."
In his long years, Alucard had seen many examples of the bravery of the human heart. He had seen men march into battles they knew were hopeless because it was their duty. He had personally killed injured soldiers of Hellsing that had asked to die rather than become monsters. He had seen Ceras' struggles to hold onto her humanity and seen his master shoulder the Hellsing organization since she was thirteen years old. Few of these examples had touched him more than seeing the doctor's determination to rise above the memories of what she had endured. He moved until he was standing directly in front of her, his crimson eyes staring into hers.
"It will take time, but you are strong. Just know that you do not have to endure it alone. I will be there for you."
Constance smiled again as she took Alucard's hands into her own. "I'll remember that. Thank you."
Alucard felt a small spark run through him at her touch, causing his hesitation to all but evaporate. Bending his face to hers, he caught her lips with his own in a gentle kiss. She let go of his hands and wrapped her arms around his neck, running her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck, leaving his arms free. He brought his hands up and rested them on her waist briefly before wrapping his arms around her back and pulling Constance into a tight embrace. Time seemed to stand still for a moment as they kissed, both of them finding comfort in each other.
Constance felt Alucard's arms tighten around her as his kisses became more insistent causing a thrilling energy to run through her body. She kissed him passionately, the nagging doubts she had felt swept away by a tide of desire for the man who now held her. As for Alucard, it had been centuries since he had felt this way about another being. He had felt desires of the flesh before, certainly, but here was something different. Here was peace and contentment as well. He held tight to Constance, wanting the feeling to remain with him as long as possible.
After what seemed like an endless moment, Alucard broke the embrace. Looking at Constance, he saw the fire in her eyes and the color on her face, which made her look that much more beautiful, the way he always thought an angel should look like. For that was what she was, he reminded himself. After embracing each other a while longer, they headed back to main house in silence. When they reached the door of Constance's room, she looked at him while another wave of color passed over her face.
"Would you like to come in?" she asked quietly.
He wanted to. Every part of him wanted to carry Constance into her room and shut the door, and shut out the rest of the world. However, there was something that held him back, something only slightly stronger than the desire he felt. He was afraid of what giving into their desire for each other might mean. After all, she was a creature that was the exact opposite of what he was. He didn't know what could happen and the last thing on earth he wanted was to hurt her in any way.
Constance had been watching Alucard's reaction to her invitation. On his face she had seen uncertainty battling with his desire for her. Smiling gently, she took his hand in hers again.
"It's all right. It might be wise to take it slow for now."
"I agree" Alucard said. The smile on her face was reassuring. She did not appear to be hurt by his rejection, looking at him with the same friendliness she had always shown him. He lifted the hand that she had placed in his and kissed it lightly.
"Good night, Constance."
"Good night, Alucard."
When he had gone, Constance disappeared into her room. She leaned on the closed door for a moment and touched her lips, smiling as the memory of his lips washed over her. "Damn," she muttered as she made her way to her bed, wishing that she were not occupying it alone tonight.
"Understood. Thank you for the information." Integra hung up the phone after speaking with her Italian informant. After Dr. Williams' abduction and the destruction of the Vatican's secret laboratory, Integra had ordered her contact to keep an eye on any unusual activity coming from the Catholics. So far, there had been nothing, which concerned Integra more than violence or vows of revenge.
Constance paced the halls of the house. Integra had ordered her not to leave the grounds of the Hellsing house and had someone watching her almost all the time. Constance understood the reason for it, but it did not make her feel any less cooped up or restless. Her wandering took her past the kitchen. Through the open door, she could see Walter, who was preparing Integra's afternoon tea. I could use something to eat myself, she thought and stepped through the door.
"Good afternoon, Miss Constanace," Walter said as he spotted the doctor. "What can I do for you?"
I just thought I'd help myself to a snack, if that's all right."
"Of course, help yourself," Walter replied as he gestured to the refrigerator. As Constance rummaged through the jars and bottles, Walter was looking at her more closely. He was concerned as he had seen and heard her wandering the house at all hours of the night. The tired look on her face suggested that she had not been sleeping. Walter knew from his war experience that men often suffered from insomnia after a particularly traumatic experience and he suspected the same was happening to the doctor. Sir Integra had also demonstrated concern as Constance would not speak of the incident in the laboratory beyond the debriefing she had participated in after her return, not even to those she regarded as friends.
Walter's train of thought was broken when he saw that the doctor had caught him staring. "Is there something wrong, Walter?"
"I was just wondering if you were sleeping well. You look tired," Walter said, gathering his composure.
Constance sighed and looked down at the floor. "I've had some trouble with that. It seems no matter how hard I work, I'm too wound up to sleep when it's time for bed." She stopped there, not wanting to discuss the dreams that caused her to wake up in a cold sweat on the rare occasions that she was able to sleep. They were always a resume of the weeks she had spent in the laboratory while being treated like a guinea pig.
"Perhaps some exercise would help." Walter offered, although he knew full well that the only thing that would really help would be for her to talk about her experiences and work them through. He also knew that she would not listen to anyone who tried to suggest that she relive the experience by talking about it.
"Perhaps," Constance answered in a lifeless voice. "Thanks for the suggestion."
Walter swallowed a sigh as he watched Constance walk out of the kitchen with an apple in her hand, presumably to continue her wandering around the house.
Later that night, Walter knocked on Alucard's door. When a voice bade him to come in, he opened the door and walked to the small table in the middle of the room to drop off Alucard's ration. Once he had placed the ration on the table, he lingered in the room rather than leaving immediately as he usually did.
"Is there something I can do for you, Walter?" Alucard asked, sensing that Walter wanted to talk to him about something but was wondering how to go about it.
Walter cleared his throat and gave voice to the idea that had come to him earlier in the day. Walter knew that Alucard had been through the same kind of torture as Constance and had thought that perhaps if he could talk to her, it would help.
"I'll consider it, Walter."
"Thank you, Lord Alucard. I think it may do her some good." With that, Walter left, hoping that he had found a way to help the doctor.
After Walter left, Alucard sat in the chair next to the table and ripped open the package that contained his ration. As he drank, he considered Walter's request. He was somewhat reluctant to approach the doctor now. He had barely spoken to her since returning to the Hellsing house, preferring to keep busy with missions and training his apprentice. When he had seen Constance in the laboratory, he had been consumed by a violent rage and intense pity, which was something he had only felt once before, when Incognito had threatened his master. He was concerned that these unfamiliar feelings would make him weak, as weak as the police-girl. Being weak was unacceptable for a creature such as himself. But he also remembered what he had gone through after his months of torture, the flashbacks and sleepless days. He also remembered that there had been no one by his side, rather he had had plenty of time to dwell on it alone during twenty long years of imprisonment. That was something that no one should have to go through, he thought as he tossed his empty packet aside. He rose from the table, his mind made up.
The gymnasium of the Hellsing house was empty save for Constance, who was practicing kick-boxing moves on a large hanging bag like the ones boxers used to practice on. She was finding that abusing the piece of equipment was helping, especially when she pretended that it was that damned priest that she had spoken to. He had even come to observe some of the experiments that were performed, sadistic bastard. She kicked the bag even harder as this thought flitted through her mind. Now and again, a Hellsing officer would come through the room and steal an appreciative glance at the doctor's slender figure that was accentuated by the tight workout clothing she was wearing. Constance took no notice, concentrating on trying to beat the stuffing out of the bag, her rage intensifying as she remembered those weeks of hell. She gave the bag one final kick, channeling all of her rage into one move. The bag swayed wildly on the rope that held it.
"Very impressive, doctor." Constance turned to the sound of the familiar voice and saw Alucard leaning against the wall. He was without his coat and hat, which almost made him look normal.
"Hello Alucard," Constance said as she turned, shaking her tired arms slightly to restore the circulation.
"I don't think that Maxwell would have gotten up after that last kick," Alucard said as a smirk crossed his face.
How does he know that? Is he a mind reader or something? When Constance asked the questions that passed through her mind, Alucard replied "Under normal circumstances, yes, but I have never been able to read your thoughts."
"Then how did you know I was thinking about beating the stuffing out of that damned priest?"
"Because I felt the same way after my experiences. Unfortunately, I was not fortunate enough to be able to express it." Alucard said, the smirk leaving his face to be replaced by a more serious expression.
"How did you manage to get through it?" Constance asked as she eyed the floor. She had not been willing to discuss those days with anyone so far, but it seemed only natural to speak of it to another who had been through the same thing.
"I slept for twenty years. I dreamed about those days so much that I got used to it."
"I don't know if I can ever get over it. Every time I think I'm close to my life being my own again, the scars on my body remind me." Constance looked at the floor for another moment before looking at Alucard again with a brave smile and squaring her shoulders. "I guess it will take some more time."
In his long years, Alucard had seen many examples of the bravery of the human heart. He had seen men march into battles they knew were hopeless because it was their duty. He had personally killed injured soldiers of Hellsing that had asked to die rather than become monsters. He had seen Ceras' struggles to hold onto her humanity and seen his master shoulder the Hellsing organization since she was thirteen years old. Few of these examples had touched him more than seeing the doctor's determination to rise above the memories of what she had endured. He moved until he was standing directly in front of her, his crimson eyes staring into hers.
"It will take time, but you are strong. Just know that you do not have to endure it alone. I will be there for you."
Constance smiled again as she took Alucard's hands into her own. "I'll remember that. Thank you."
Alucard felt a small spark run through him at her touch, causing his hesitation to all but evaporate. Bending his face to hers, he caught her lips with his own in a gentle kiss. She let go of his hands and wrapped her arms around his neck, running her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck, leaving his arms free. He brought his hands up and rested them on her waist briefly before wrapping his arms around her back and pulling Constance into a tight embrace. Time seemed to stand still for a moment as they kissed, both of them finding comfort in each other.
Constance felt Alucard's arms tighten around her as his kisses became more insistent causing a thrilling energy to run through her body. She kissed him passionately, the nagging doubts she had felt swept away by a tide of desire for the man who now held her. As for Alucard, it had been centuries since he had felt this way about another being. He had felt desires of the flesh before, certainly, but here was something different. Here was peace and contentment as well. He held tight to Constance, wanting the feeling to remain with him as long as possible.
After what seemed like an endless moment, Alucard broke the embrace. Looking at Constance, he saw the fire in her eyes and the color on her face, which made her look that much more beautiful, the way he always thought an angel should look like. For that was what she was, he reminded himself. After embracing each other a while longer, they headed back to main house in silence. When they reached the door of Constance's room, she looked at him while another wave of color passed over her face.
"Would you like to come in?" she asked quietly.
He wanted to. Every part of him wanted to carry Constance into her room and shut the door, and shut out the rest of the world. However, there was something that held him back, something only slightly stronger than the desire he felt. He was afraid of what giving into their desire for each other might mean. After all, she was a creature that was the exact opposite of what he was. He didn't know what could happen and the last thing on earth he wanted was to hurt her in any way.
Constance had been watching Alucard's reaction to her invitation. On his face she had seen uncertainty battling with his desire for her. Smiling gently, she took his hand in hers again.
"It's all right. It might be wise to take it slow for now."
"I agree" Alucard said. The smile on her face was reassuring. She did not appear to be hurt by his rejection, looking at him with the same friendliness she had always shown him. He lifted the hand that she had placed in his and kissed it lightly.
"Good night, Constance."
"Good night, Alucard."
When he had gone, Constance disappeared into her room. She leaned on the closed door for a moment and touched her lips, smiling as the memory of his lips washed over her. "Damn," she muttered as she made her way to her bed, wishing that she were not occupying it alone tonight.