Here is Part 5, sorry its taken so long to get out, but RL has been a bit
mental lately, lol. Thanx to everyone who has sent me reviews and feedback
for this, it's a great reason to keep going at it! :D
****
"Nay, dear lord," she said, "that choice is long over. There is now no ship that would bear me hence, and I must indeed abide the Doom of Men, whether I will or I nill: the loss and the silence. But I say to you, King of the Númenoreans, not till now have I understood the tale of your people and their fall. As wicked fools I scorned them, but I pity them at last. For if this is indeed, as the Eldar say, the gift of the One to Men, it is bitter to receive."
Arwen Undómiel, daughter of Elrond, Evenstar of her people. "The Tale of Aragorn and Arwen."
***
Jack could hear the faint beeps of the monitors as he slowly swam for consciousness. His head throbbing, he squeezed his eyes closed even thought they already were so and tried to search through the darkness for the light he knew to be there.
Groaning, he turned his head to the side even as his mind awoke from slumber and images flashed before his eyes. There was something he should be doing, he mused hazily, and something he should remember..
Sam.
With that, his eyes fluttered swiftly and he fought against the blinding light to keep them open. Finally succeeding, he blinked at the sight that beheld him.
He was in the infirmary, and as he slowly tried to push himself into a sitting position he vaguely noticed another sleeping figure in the bed beside him. Turning to the bed, he was crushed to see that it wasn't Sam at all, but Jonas.. not, of course, that that was a bad thing, but he had been hoping desperately that what he last remembered had been a nightmare, not reality.
But now, as he stared at his slumbering teammate, he realised what had happened was in fact true and that Sam was gone.
"No." he whispered, flinging the sheet off his body and gingerly turned to dangle his bare legs off the side of the bed. Looking around the deserted infirmary, he instantly saw Daniel in the bed on his other side, and he too, was dead to the world. But like Sam, there was no trace of Teal'c.
Immediately discarding the dreaded thought that the Jaffa had gone through with Sam, for he knew adamantly that he had been behind the two of them and Jonas with Daniel, Jack came to the rapid conclusion that the Jaffa was already up and out of bed, healed from their little freefall.
But where was Sam??
"Oh, god," Jack murmured, panic setting in firmly enough for the man to push aside his aching body's protests and tentatively lay his feet on the ground, slowly letting them take his weight as he pushed himself off the infirmary bed, ignoring the fact that he was wearing a hospital gown that was practically backless.
The room swam dangerously and Jack again squeezed his eyes closed, willing the pain in his head to go away.
"Colonel, what the hell do you think your doing?"
Wow, he thought.
Where had that come from?
He got his answer immediately when Janet Fraiser's angry face appeared before his own, and he opened his eyes a crack to see the whirlwind doctor standing with her hands on her hips, looking mad as hell. But for once, Jack wasn't going to be pushed aside by the tiny doctor, not this time.
"Go away, Jan," he muttered, his hand coming out to rest on the side of Jonas's bed for balance. "I've gotta find Sam."
Janet was silent for a moment as she took in what he'd said. For a second, Jack hazily wondered if Sam had actually told her friend about their relationship or not. This wasn't really the best time to be spilling the beans to the doctor that looked capable of single handedly tie him back to his bed that he was in fact, sleeping her best friend.
"I know what your doing, Colonel, but I must insist that you get back into bed." Janet's tone was wavering, as if she was holding something back. Looking up quickly, Jack swallowed when he caught sight of her face. She looked like she was fighting back tears of her own.
"Doc?" he asked. "What happened?"
But Janet just shook her head and motioned for Jack to get back into the bed. Stunned, he let her guide his body back under the covers. When he was comfortable, she sprayed her fingers on the side of the bed, and Jack saw she was squeezing the railing so hard her knuckles were white.
"She's gone, sir," she whispered loud enough for him to hear her, but her head was bent so he couldn't see her face.
Gaping in disbelief, the Colonel just stared at her, wondering what the hell this meant. She must have seen the questions on his face for she quickly stood up straighter and took a step away from the bed. Still not looking at him, she crossed her arms across her chest. Jack felt a wave of sympathy for the woman. Sam was her best friend, and this couldn't be a very easy situation for her. Hell, it wasn't an easy situation for any of them.
"The General will be here soon, Colonel. He can explain it better."
With that, the petite Doctor all but spun on her heals and marched towards the door. Seeing her retreating figure snapped Jack out of his trance and he called out after her,
"Janet?"
The Doctor stopped in mid-step, her hand on the side of the door, but she still didn't turn around. Determinedly, Jack strode forward. "Please, Doc, what happened to Sam?" he asked, dreading the answer.
He saw Janet's body freeze up at that, her shoulder's going tight beneath her Lab coat.
"I don't know, Colonel." She whispered, her voice poignant. "None of us do."
And she walked out of the silent Infirmary, leaving Jack to his horror filled thoughts of disbelief.
****
Three hours later, Jack had decided his life had suddenly spun into a huge nightmare. He had come to that decision the second he had caught sight of the Stargate out of the control room window where he had gone after being let out of the Infirmary by Janet in search of Teal'c.
The General had come to see the other three members of SG-1 while they were still bedridden, and had sadly and quietly explained everything to them again, and what they had missed after being knocked out by the force of which the gate had thrown them off the ramp.
The 'gate was still operational, but barely. St. Siler had, of course, been put in charge of all the maintenance that had to be done to get the gate up and running again, and as soon as possible, for there were three teams stranded off world and there was no way General Hammond was going to give them the all clear to come home if there was a chance the explosion could happen again. Several of the Chevrons had been scorched, if that was even possible, by the force of the blue 'fire' that had caused the gate to malfunction, and needed to be looked at. But apart from that, the only other thing that needed to be done was several safety checks before Siler gave the General the all clear.
But of Sam, there was no trace.
None of her team of scientist could offer any explanations as to what had been the blonde Major's fate, but all in all, it made repairs on the gate a very grave task indeed. Nobody knew what to do or say about the matter, as of course; Sam's disappearance affected a great many members of the SGC and nobody wanted to offend anybody else as they worked.
But it was obvious that everybody was thinking of Colonel O'Neill and her team with sympathy over that time. To lose a team member was hard enough, but one they had been working with for so long and in such a horrific way was appalling.
Nobody saw much of Sam's 'guys' over the next few days. They kept out of people's way, mostly sticking in their offices as not to be seen by anyone. Their grief was fierce and they wanted to deal with it in their own way. Teal'c and Jonas, who had become such close friends, spent their days together, both of them lost as to how to handle the situation. Daniel had gone into a delayed sense of shock the next day when Janet had finally let him out of the infirmary, as he had been the worst hurt out of the team with a broken arm. Janet told him he must have landed on it strangely when he hit the ground.
But he had barely noticed the cast on his arm, he had been so wound up at the loss of Sam; he didn't know what to do. They had been like brother and sister for so long, and had formed such a close relationship over the years, mostly as they had been pushed together being on a team that had consisted of two warriors, with them being the scientists of the group, and now she was gone..
Daniel remembered watching her going through the gate backwards, sharing a joke with Jack as she did, with a small, fond smile on her face before turning around. Then disaster struck and she had left them. They didn't even have a body to bury, and that was probably the worst part. There was nothing. Nothing to indicate what an amazing person she had been and how much she had meant to them all.
At first, he had been in denial, clutching desperately at the slim chance that she could still be alive. General Hammond, it seems, stood with him on this one, and had ordered Cimmera dialled up and a MALP sent through. The scene in the control room when this happened was one for the history books and nobody was bound to forget it in a hurry.
At first, the room had consisted of just the necessary personal, Hammond, Jonas, Teal'c and Daniel. Colonel O'Neill could not be found any where on base and when the Airman reported this to the General, a sympathetic look had appeared on his face and he had flinched visibly. But to the surprise of everyone present, except SG-1, he had let it pass and told the Airman not to worry about it, Colonel O'Neill would return when he was ready.
But slowly, as the Chevrons started to spin and the gate built up, more and more personal had appeared in the room. Looking around quickly, Daniel had spied Janet standing over with Teal'c, the large Jaffa lending the small woman all the comfort he could. Then he noticed Colonel Griff and the members of SG-2 silently creep into the room, then the Marines of SG-3 and 15, none saying a word, but their presence being noticed by all.
The General hadn't said anything, but had obviously known what an important event this was for the whole of the SGC. Sam Carter WAS the Stargate Command in so many ways. She had been part of it since the beginning and had involved herself in such a way that there was nobody who hadn't been touched by her disappearance. Her and SG-1 were living Legends within these walls and the General knew they everyone would do what they humanly could to get her back.
It seemed that nobody even breathed when the connection to Cimmera was finally made and the planet was brought up on the screens above and before them all in the Control room. Every set of ever-increasing eyes was glued on the screens, letting the MALP discover what they all dreaded doing themselves.
Finally..
"General Hammond?"
The voice was so out of place in the silent room that Daniel caught sight of a number of people jumping in shock when it sounded around the area. But he ignored them, taking a step towards the computers as Gairwyn's face swam into view. She looked the same as she had years before when the Cimmerians and the SGC had first made contact, but now, Danny could see that she seemed worried, and there were lines of confusion on her face.
"Gairwyn?" Hammond asked in relief, speaking through the MALP. "Its very good to see you again."
The woman nodded, but she still looked concerned. "It truly is, my friend. But why do you speak through your machine? Was not SG-1 meant to come to us this morning?" She shook her head and looked apologetic. "I am afraid they have missed the celebrations."
As soon as she spoke those words, Daniel gave a little gasp and he knew without seeing himself that he had lost all colour on his face. Shooting a panicked glance over at Teal'c and Janet, he saw that the doctor looked stricken and her shoulder's had drooped. This had been their only Hope. That Sam had actually made it through to Cimmera alive. But now.it looked very likely that Gairwyn hadn't seen her either.
Even through he was obviously having internal struggles of his own, Hammond gave a sad little ironic snort that she couldn't possibly have picked up. "I sorry, Gairwyn, but SG-1 will not be coming to the celebrations this year."
Moving the MALP's head so she could see through it more comfortably, she frowned back at all the people watching her on Earth. "Why is that? Has something happened with the Enemy?" Her pretty face darkened with mention of the Goa'uld, her warrior spirit showing through.
But Hammond shook his head sadly. "No, the Goa'uld have not attacked. But I'm afraid we had an accident this morning as SG-1 were travelling through the Gate to Cimmera as planned. There was an explosion and Major Carter disappeared."
Gairwyn looked shocked at this news and she brought her hand up to her heart. Even through they could only see her face, the SGC personnel watching could see this, as the tops of her fingers were visible at the bottom of the screen.
"Is she alright?" The dark haired woman asked lightly, as if she already knew the answer. But when Hammond shook his head, a flash of understanding flittered over her face. "And you thought that the Major could have come to Cimmera?" She shook her head sadly.
"I'm afraid this has not happened. My people and I have been eagerly awaiting the arrival of our friends, SG-1, and have been watching the Stargate since early morning. No one has come through all day. Indeed, there has been no activation from the Portal for the last few days at all."
She tipped her head, letting her brown hair partly cover her face for a moment before looking up, back into the screen. "I am deeply sorry for you loss, my friends. Major Carter was a true warrior and she will be mourned with honour throughout Cimmera for many years to come."
Still staring into the screen, Daniel knew she was not just talking to Hammond and SG-1, but everyone in the room with them, for it seemed that even Gairwyn knew how special Sam Carter was to the SGC.
Hammond cleared his throat, pushing his own emotions aside. "Thank you, Gairwyn. You honour not only Major Carter, but the whole SGC as well. Now, if you excuse us, we have matters that need to be attended to. I again regret that our conversation must be under such circumstances."
Gairwyn nodded slowly, her eyes sympathetic. "Indeed, General. You will keep us abreast with any news?" The hidden question was unmistakable and Hammond nodded.
Gairwyn gave Daniel and Teal'c one last lingering look and a small nod of farewell before the gate was disengaged.
Silence again filled the room, no one knowing what to say, and no one knowing what they were going to do from here. What could they do? They had no idea what had happened to her.
Just then, Daniel noticed a flash of movement out of the corner of his eye and he turned slightly to face the door. His eyes met and locked with Jack O'Neill's who was standing in the doorway, his presence going unnoticed by the other people in the room. But Daniel had seen him; he didn't even know how he had seen the flash and knowing Jack was standing there. Maybe it was because they had worked together for so long, and they knew each other so well after all these years, that they could use a hidden 6th sense when it came to each other.
But now, even the dimmest person imaginable could have blatantly read the emotions that were edged over Jack's face. Daniel felt his own face crumple as they stared at each other, neither knowing what to say to the other. It was obvious that Jack had been standing there for a while and had heard Gairwyn's final request, for he looked totally and completely lost, as if his soul had been ripped out of him and he had finally been forced to confront the repercussions.
It was only then that Daniel finally realised just how deeply the Colonel's feelings for Sam Carter truly ran, and he felt the first tingle of panic then, staring back at his friend's face, as there was no way Daniel could know what Jack was going to do now that Sam was lost to him.
Finally, Jack looked away, unable to keep his gaze locked, and with one final glance at Janet and Teal'c, who still hadn't noticed him, the Colonel turned around and silently vanished out the door, his hands stuffed in his pockets.
Daniel blinked, wondering if he had ever been there at all.
****
The next two days were some of the worst of Jack's life.
He had left the base without being excused by the General, gone home and proceeded to drown himself in as much alcohol as he could find, which considering the state of the food in his cupboards, was quite a lot.
At this very moment, he was sitting out side on his back porch, a half empty bottle of Whiskey in his left hand and a small photo frame in the other. He wasn't talking, wasn't moving, just sitting there on the warm concrete with his eyes closed, letting the warm afternoon sun bask his face like faint kisses. The sun was dropping behind the bushes of his garden but he didn't care, he honestly didn't think he would have felt hail if it had come pelting down right on top of him.
Bringing his hand up, he took another swig of the Whiskey and winced as it burned down his throat. Dumping the bottle down beside him on the concrete, he slowly turned his eyes towards the silver photo frame that was now lying on top of his knees. Three smiling people stared back at him and the sight of it filled Jack with such fury that he had never felt before.
What right did they have to be smiling now?
Pushing aside the notion to smash the frame into a million pieces, he instead reached up with a finger and traced the face of the only blonde in the picture, as if he expected it to bring her back to life. Daniel was in the photo too, along with the girl, Cassandra, and it had become one of Jack's most treasured possessions in the last few years, even through he would rather eat his own hand than admit it.
Daniel was at the back, his arm around Sam who was sitting next to him on the grass, smiling into the photo as Cassandra lay on the grass in front of them, gazing up at Sam's face, her head resting on Daniel's legs while the dark haired man was running a now still hand through her long hair, all of this frozen in time.
Everything had changed since this photo had been taken a few years ago, and if he thought about it, that was probably why it meant so much to him. First off Daniel had left them for universes unknown, then Cassie had ceased be the cute little innocent that she had been when first arriving on Earth. Not that he was complaining or anything, an 18 year old Cassandra was sure as hell better than a 16 year old one, and Jack liked nothing more than to spend some quality time with his little friend, deeply proud how well she had turned out, but there were times when he would remember what she had been like as 12 years old and wonder where all the years had gone.
And now, Sam was gone.
She had left. Disappeared without a trace, taking with her what was going to be both of their future, the said future snug and growing within her, innocent and faultless as the young Cassie had been. She had been ripped from him, they both had, and now he was alone again, wallowing in his guilt.
For one brief moment, he had been happy. So very happy and their future had looked so bright it was blinding. They were together finally, after years of denial and struggle and they were about to have a baby, a token of how much their love meant to each other.
Then in the shortest second a freak malfunction of the device that had brought them together in the first place had taken her away forever to places where he could not follow.
And now Jack didn't know what to do. It still seemed too unreal, too bizarre to even think about seriously. How could she be gone?? She was Sam Carter, for crying out loud! She got out of danger at least once a week, saving herself and others in the process, there was no way she couldn't have survived this as well. It had been a cruel twist of fate, that was all. She was going to walk in that door any moment now, come out back with him and share a beer after a hard day at the office and everything was going to be fine.
"She could survive anything.." he murmured to himself, still staring at the photo; now holding it like it was a delicate flower that needed protecting.
He heard the sound of footprints behind him and every muscle in his body froze. For a short, bizarre second, he almost cheered out loud at the fact that he had been right and here she was, coming back to him like he had known she would, but then the light dimmed in his eyes as reality caught up with him, and he wondered who it was that was walking through his house uninvited.
His question was answered when he recognised the unmistakable sound of Daniel bumping into his coffee table and releasing a muffled curse as he stepped aside, straightening what he had bashed into and stepping out of the sliding door onto the back porch, coming to a stop behind where Jack sat.
Jack didn't greet him; in fact, he didn't even act like he had noticed he was standing there at all, hoping maybe if he did this then Daniel would just leave.
No such luck. Jack heard Danny give a slight sigh before sitting down next to him on the porch, pulling his legs up to his chest and resting his chin on his knees. Spying this out of the corner of his eyes, Jack felt himself bristle unconsciously. It had always annoyed him when Daniel did this, and for the life of him he couldn't think of a reason why. Maybe it was the fact that it made him seem so child like, so innocent, even with every thing that he had seen over the years, that it seemed almost fake to the hard, realistic Colonel.
Or maybe it was the fact that it seemed to drive the ladies wild. Sam had even said so, years ago when they were in the stage of their relationship when they still teased each other.before it had gotten to dangerous. The females on base seemed to think that it gave Daniel a cute, sensitive side that couldn't be resisted, whatever the hell that meant.
But now, Jack just gave his head a little shake and told himself to stop being so petty. It wouldn't do to hurt Daniel when he had seemingly made an effort to seek him out.
"How you doing, Jack?" the younger man asked softly, all the while staring out into the garden, watching the afternoon insects go about their business.
"How does it look like I'm doing, Danny?" was Jack sarcastic reply and Danny snorted, knowing instantly that this conversation was doomed to go down hill from the start.
"Yeah, thought as much." Looking around, Daniel spied the bottle of Whiskey and frowned, wondering how much of it Jack had drunk. He was just about to open his mouth and ask when he caught sight of the photo frame on Jack's knees. Noticing the contents, Daniel couldn't hold back the gasp of surprise that came out of his mouth when he saw himself and the others. Not caring what Jack would say about it, he reached out and gently picked up the frame from his friend's knees and brought it back, studying the treasured photo so closely that it almost touched his nose.
"Oh, god." he whispered, his eyes tracing Sam's smiling face, his own joyful expression and the look of complete adoration on Cassandra's as she gazed up dreamily at her beloved Sam while the sun played on her glowing face.
"I didn't know you had this framed, Jack," he whispered softly, still staring at the blonde woman leaning against his shoulder in the photo. Now that he remembered more clearly, Teal'c had taken it out here in this very garden a few summers ago when they had all gathered at Jack's for one of his famous barbeques. One of the reasons it had been such a lovely photo was because it had been the Jaffa's first successful photographic attempt and he had been so proud of it he had gotten about four or five copies of the whole film.
Everyone had one, and Daniel knew for a fact that Cassandra had the very same photo framed on her bedside table, as well as one down stairs on the mantle piece of her and Janet's home. But he hadn't known Jack had the same photo framed, but now, thinking back over the past few months, it didn't seem so unlikely.
With the thought of Cassie, Daniel winced. The poor girl was going to be devastated with the news and Daniel didn't envy Janet who would have to tell her when she got home tonight.
"Yeah, well, I thought Teal'c had done a good job, so why not?" This typical Jack O'Neill answer didn't fool Danny for a second, and he shot him a disbelieving glance.
"It's nice." Daniel said to nobody in particular, but Jack didn't answer.
Finally having enough of having a conversation with a brick wall, Daniel reached around Jack and made a grab for the bottle of Whiskey. Knowing that Jack was watching him out of the corner of his eye, Danny braced himself and took a large gulp.
He coughed as the stuff burned its way through his body, and felt Jack thump him on his back, non-to gently.
"That's what you get for drinking this kind of stuff, Danny Boy, its not good for you on an empty stomach." Glaring at the older man who had finally decided to be verbal enough to get out a whole sentence, Daniel put the bottle down and swore to never touch the stuff again.
"The General was asking for you, Jack," he said in a low voice, knowing this was a touchy subject. "He wants you to come back to base."
"Yeah, well, you can tell Hammond that I'll come back when I want to, and not a moment before." Jack's gruff response didn't surprise Daniel, but he shook his head, knowing that he had to keep trying. Putting the frame down on the ground gently, he turned to face Jack.
"You're needed there, can't you see that?" Daniel pleaded softly but Jack just gave a short, humourless bark of laughter.
"To do what, exactly? SG-1 sure as hell won't be going on any missions anytime soon."
"We need you, Jack." Daniel stressed honestly, knowing that if anything was going to reach the man, this was it. Sure enough, Jack looked down at the grass beneath his feet and closed his eyes.
"You don't need me, Daniel. Neither does Jonas or Teal'c. You'll be fine together."
"That's not true and you damn well know it." Daniel spat out, finally getting fed up. "So what are you going to do? Never come back to base? You think Sam would have wanted you to stay here and wallow in your own self pity when there are other people grieving just the same as you who need your help?" Daniel noticed Jack flinch when he said this but made himself keep going.
"And what about her father, huh?" he said bluntly. "For god's sake, Jack, Jacob's been sent for and how do you think he's going to handle this? Hes going to need you there."
"Why?" Jack finally asked, his voice deadly calm. "To add further salt to the wounds by telling him I was sleeping with his daughter?"
Daniel closed his eyes. "Of course not, don't be so damn stupid." Taking a deep breath, Danny forced himself to calm down. "Your were not only her CO, but her friend as well, as far as Jacob's concerned. How is it going to look if your not there when he is told his daughter has disappeared and is probably dead?"
There was nothing Jack could say to that and Daniel knew it. His expression grew soft when he reached over and rested a hand on his friend's shaking shoulder. "Please come back, Jack. Sam would want you to."
And with that, he stood up and silently left Jack to his own thoughts, silently closing the sliding door behind him as he went. But as he was about to turn to walk through the house towards the front door, Danny looked down at Jack through the glass and saw him slowly reach out and once again pick up the silver frame and put it back in his lap. Even from behind him, Daniel could see that his shoulders were jerking with the unbearable pain that was shooting through his body as he wept for the loss of his dear friend and lover, and unbeknown to Daniel, his unborn baby as well.
With one last glance at the bent, defeated head of his friend and teammate, Daniel turned and walked back through the house like a ghost, never forgetting that behind him a man was being torn apart.
And knowing that deep in the centre of the silver frame, not touched by frost or time, Sam Carter kept smiling.
****
****
"Nay, dear lord," she said, "that choice is long over. There is now no ship that would bear me hence, and I must indeed abide the Doom of Men, whether I will or I nill: the loss and the silence. But I say to you, King of the Númenoreans, not till now have I understood the tale of your people and their fall. As wicked fools I scorned them, but I pity them at last. For if this is indeed, as the Eldar say, the gift of the One to Men, it is bitter to receive."
Arwen Undómiel, daughter of Elrond, Evenstar of her people. "The Tale of Aragorn and Arwen."
***
Jack could hear the faint beeps of the monitors as he slowly swam for consciousness. His head throbbing, he squeezed his eyes closed even thought they already were so and tried to search through the darkness for the light he knew to be there.
Groaning, he turned his head to the side even as his mind awoke from slumber and images flashed before his eyes. There was something he should be doing, he mused hazily, and something he should remember..
Sam.
With that, his eyes fluttered swiftly and he fought against the blinding light to keep them open. Finally succeeding, he blinked at the sight that beheld him.
He was in the infirmary, and as he slowly tried to push himself into a sitting position he vaguely noticed another sleeping figure in the bed beside him. Turning to the bed, he was crushed to see that it wasn't Sam at all, but Jonas.. not, of course, that that was a bad thing, but he had been hoping desperately that what he last remembered had been a nightmare, not reality.
But now, as he stared at his slumbering teammate, he realised what had happened was in fact true and that Sam was gone.
"No." he whispered, flinging the sheet off his body and gingerly turned to dangle his bare legs off the side of the bed. Looking around the deserted infirmary, he instantly saw Daniel in the bed on his other side, and he too, was dead to the world. But like Sam, there was no trace of Teal'c.
Immediately discarding the dreaded thought that the Jaffa had gone through with Sam, for he knew adamantly that he had been behind the two of them and Jonas with Daniel, Jack came to the rapid conclusion that the Jaffa was already up and out of bed, healed from their little freefall.
But where was Sam??
"Oh, god," Jack murmured, panic setting in firmly enough for the man to push aside his aching body's protests and tentatively lay his feet on the ground, slowly letting them take his weight as he pushed himself off the infirmary bed, ignoring the fact that he was wearing a hospital gown that was practically backless.
The room swam dangerously and Jack again squeezed his eyes closed, willing the pain in his head to go away.
"Colonel, what the hell do you think your doing?"
Wow, he thought.
Where had that come from?
He got his answer immediately when Janet Fraiser's angry face appeared before his own, and he opened his eyes a crack to see the whirlwind doctor standing with her hands on her hips, looking mad as hell. But for once, Jack wasn't going to be pushed aside by the tiny doctor, not this time.
"Go away, Jan," he muttered, his hand coming out to rest on the side of Jonas's bed for balance. "I've gotta find Sam."
Janet was silent for a moment as she took in what he'd said. For a second, Jack hazily wondered if Sam had actually told her friend about their relationship or not. This wasn't really the best time to be spilling the beans to the doctor that looked capable of single handedly tie him back to his bed that he was in fact, sleeping her best friend.
"I know what your doing, Colonel, but I must insist that you get back into bed." Janet's tone was wavering, as if she was holding something back. Looking up quickly, Jack swallowed when he caught sight of her face. She looked like she was fighting back tears of her own.
"Doc?" he asked. "What happened?"
But Janet just shook her head and motioned for Jack to get back into the bed. Stunned, he let her guide his body back under the covers. When he was comfortable, she sprayed her fingers on the side of the bed, and Jack saw she was squeezing the railing so hard her knuckles were white.
"She's gone, sir," she whispered loud enough for him to hear her, but her head was bent so he couldn't see her face.
Gaping in disbelief, the Colonel just stared at her, wondering what the hell this meant. She must have seen the questions on his face for she quickly stood up straighter and took a step away from the bed. Still not looking at him, she crossed her arms across her chest. Jack felt a wave of sympathy for the woman. Sam was her best friend, and this couldn't be a very easy situation for her. Hell, it wasn't an easy situation for any of them.
"The General will be here soon, Colonel. He can explain it better."
With that, the petite Doctor all but spun on her heals and marched towards the door. Seeing her retreating figure snapped Jack out of his trance and he called out after her,
"Janet?"
The Doctor stopped in mid-step, her hand on the side of the door, but she still didn't turn around. Determinedly, Jack strode forward. "Please, Doc, what happened to Sam?" he asked, dreading the answer.
He saw Janet's body freeze up at that, her shoulder's going tight beneath her Lab coat.
"I don't know, Colonel." She whispered, her voice poignant. "None of us do."
And she walked out of the silent Infirmary, leaving Jack to his horror filled thoughts of disbelief.
****
Three hours later, Jack had decided his life had suddenly spun into a huge nightmare. He had come to that decision the second he had caught sight of the Stargate out of the control room window where he had gone after being let out of the Infirmary by Janet in search of Teal'c.
The General had come to see the other three members of SG-1 while they were still bedridden, and had sadly and quietly explained everything to them again, and what they had missed after being knocked out by the force of which the gate had thrown them off the ramp.
The 'gate was still operational, but barely. St. Siler had, of course, been put in charge of all the maintenance that had to be done to get the gate up and running again, and as soon as possible, for there were three teams stranded off world and there was no way General Hammond was going to give them the all clear to come home if there was a chance the explosion could happen again. Several of the Chevrons had been scorched, if that was even possible, by the force of the blue 'fire' that had caused the gate to malfunction, and needed to be looked at. But apart from that, the only other thing that needed to be done was several safety checks before Siler gave the General the all clear.
But of Sam, there was no trace.
None of her team of scientist could offer any explanations as to what had been the blonde Major's fate, but all in all, it made repairs on the gate a very grave task indeed. Nobody knew what to do or say about the matter, as of course; Sam's disappearance affected a great many members of the SGC and nobody wanted to offend anybody else as they worked.
But it was obvious that everybody was thinking of Colonel O'Neill and her team with sympathy over that time. To lose a team member was hard enough, but one they had been working with for so long and in such a horrific way was appalling.
Nobody saw much of Sam's 'guys' over the next few days. They kept out of people's way, mostly sticking in their offices as not to be seen by anyone. Their grief was fierce and they wanted to deal with it in their own way. Teal'c and Jonas, who had become such close friends, spent their days together, both of them lost as to how to handle the situation. Daniel had gone into a delayed sense of shock the next day when Janet had finally let him out of the infirmary, as he had been the worst hurt out of the team with a broken arm. Janet told him he must have landed on it strangely when he hit the ground.
But he had barely noticed the cast on his arm, he had been so wound up at the loss of Sam; he didn't know what to do. They had been like brother and sister for so long, and had formed such a close relationship over the years, mostly as they had been pushed together being on a team that had consisted of two warriors, with them being the scientists of the group, and now she was gone..
Daniel remembered watching her going through the gate backwards, sharing a joke with Jack as she did, with a small, fond smile on her face before turning around. Then disaster struck and she had left them. They didn't even have a body to bury, and that was probably the worst part. There was nothing. Nothing to indicate what an amazing person she had been and how much she had meant to them all.
At first, he had been in denial, clutching desperately at the slim chance that she could still be alive. General Hammond, it seems, stood with him on this one, and had ordered Cimmera dialled up and a MALP sent through. The scene in the control room when this happened was one for the history books and nobody was bound to forget it in a hurry.
At first, the room had consisted of just the necessary personal, Hammond, Jonas, Teal'c and Daniel. Colonel O'Neill could not be found any where on base and when the Airman reported this to the General, a sympathetic look had appeared on his face and he had flinched visibly. But to the surprise of everyone present, except SG-1, he had let it pass and told the Airman not to worry about it, Colonel O'Neill would return when he was ready.
But slowly, as the Chevrons started to spin and the gate built up, more and more personal had appeared in the room. Looking around quickly, Daniel had spied Janet standing over with Teal'c, the large Jaffa lending the small woman all the comfort he could. Then he noticed Colonel Griff and the members of SG-2 silently creep into the room, then the Marines of SG-3 and 15, none saying a word, but their presence being noticed by all.
The General hadn't said anything, but had obviously known what an important event this was for the whole of the SGC. Sam Carter WAS the Stargate Command in so many ways. She had been part of it since the beginning and had involved herself in such a way that there was nobody who hadn't been touched by her disappearance. Her and SG-1 were living Legends within these walls and the General knew they everyone would do what they humanly could to get her back.
It seemed that nobody even breathed when the connection to Cimmera was finally made and the planet was brought up on the screens above and before them all in the Control room. Every set of ever-increasing eyes was glued on the screens, letting the MALP discover what they all dreaded doing themselves.
Finally..
"General Hammond?"
The voice was so out of place in the silent room that Daniel caught sight of a number of people jumping in shock when it sounded around the area. But he ignored them, taking a step towards the computers as Gairwyn's face swam into view. She looked the same as she had years before when the Cimmerians and the SGC had first made contact, but now, Danny could see that she seemed worried, and there were lines of confusion on her face.
"Gairwyn?" Hammond asked in relief, speaking through the MALP. "Its very good to see you again."
The woman nodded, but she still looked concerned. "It truly is, my friend. But why do you speak through your machine? Was not SG-1 meant to come to us this morning?" She shook her head and looked apologetic. "I am afraid they have missed the celebrations."
As soon as she spoke those words, Daniel gave a little gasp and he knew without seeing himself that he had lost all colour on his face. Shooting a panicked glance over at Teal'c and Janet, he saw that the doctor looked stricken and her shoulder's had drooped. This had been their only Hope. That Sam had actually made it through to Cimmera alive. But now.it looked very likely that Gairwyn hadn't seen her either.
Even through he was obviously having internal struggles of his own, Hammond gave a sad little ironic snort that she couldn't possibly have picked up. "I sorry, Gairwyn, but SG-1 will not be coming to the celebrations this year."
Moving the MALP's head so she could see through it more comfortably, she frowned back at all the people watching her on Earth. "Why is that? Has something happened with the Enemy?" Her pretty face darkened with mention of the Goa'uld, her warrior spirit showing through.
But Hammond shook his head sadly. "No, the Goa'uld have not attacked. But I'm afraid we had an accident this morning as SG-1 were travelling through the Gate to Cimmera as planned. There was an explosion and Major Carter disappeared."
Gairwyn looked shocked at this news and she brought her hand up to her heart. Even through they could only see her face, the SGC personnel watching could see this, as the tops of her fingers were visible at the bottom of the screen.
"Is she alright?" The dark haired woman asked lightly, as if she already knew the answer. But when Hammond shook his head, a flash of understanding flittered over her face. "And you thought that the Major could have come to Cimmera?" She shook her head sadly.
"I'm afraid this has not happened. My people and I have been eagerly awaiting the arrival of our friends, SG-1, and have been watching the Stargate since early morning. No one has come through all day. Indeed, there has been no activation from the Portal for the last few days at all."
She tipped her head, letting her brown hair partly cover her face for a moment before looking up, back into the screen. "I am deeply sorry for you loss, my friends. Major Carter was a true warrior and she will be mourned with honour throughout Cimmera for many years to come."
Still staring into the screen, Daniel knew she was not just talking to Hammond and SG-1, but everyone in the room with them, for it seemed that even Gairwyn knew how special Sam Carter was to the SGC.
Hammond cleared his throat, pushing his own emotions aside. "Thank you, Gairwyn. You honour not only Major Carter, but the whole SGC as well. Now, if you excuse us, we have matters that need to be attended to. I again regret that our conversation must be under such circumstances."
Gairwyn nodded slowly, her eyes sympathetic. "Indeed, General. You will keep us abreast with any news?" The hidden question was unmistakable and Hammond nodded.
Gairwyn gave Daniel and Teal'c one last lingering look and a small nod of farewell before the gate was disengaged.
Silence again filled the room, no one knowing what to say, and no one knowing what they were going to do from here. What could they do? They had no idea what had happened to her.
Just then, Daniel noticed a flash of movement out of the corner of his eye and he turned slightly to face the door. His eyes met and locked with Jack O'Neill's who was standing in the doorway, his presence going unnoticed by the other people in the room. But Daniel had seen him; he didn't even know how he had seen the flash and knowing Jack was standing there. Maybe it was because they had worked together for so long, and they knew each other so well after all these years, that they could use a hidden 6th sense when it came to each other.
But now, even the dimmest person imaginable could have blatantly read the emotions that were edged over Jack's face. Daniel felt his own face crumple as they stared at each other, neither knowing what to say to the other. It was obvious that Jack had been standing there for a while and had heard Gairwyn's final request, for he looked totally and completely lost, as if his soul had been ripped out of him and he had finally been forced to confront the repercussions.
It was only then that Daniel finally realised just how deeply the Colonel's feelings for Sam Carter truly ran, and he felt the first tingle of panic then, staring back at his friend's face, as there was no way Daniel could know what Jack was going to do now that Sam was lost to him.
Finally, Jack looked away, unable to keep his gaze locked, and with one final glance at Janet and Teal'c, who still hadn't noticed him, the Colonel turned around and silently vanished out the door, his hands stuffed in his pockets.
Daniel blinked, wondering if he had ever been there at all.
****
The next two days were some of the worst of Jack's life.
He had left the base without being excused by the General, gone home and proceeded to drown himself in as much alcohol as he could find, which considering the state of the food in his cupboards, was quite a lot.
At this very moment, he was sitting out side on his back porch, a half empty bottle of Whiskey in his left hand and a small photo frame in the other. He wasn't talking, wasn't moving, just sitting there on the warm concrete with his eyes closed, letting the warm afternoon sun bask his face like faint kisses. The sun was dropping behind the bushes of his garden but he didn't care, he honestly didn't think he would have felt hail if it had come pelting down right on top of him.
Bringing his hand up, he took another swig of the Whiskey and winced as it burned down his throat. Dumping the bottle down beside him on the concrete, he slowly turned his eyes towards the silver photo frame that was now lying on top of his knees. Three smiling people stared back at him and the sight of it filled Jack with such fury that he had never felt before.
What right did they have to be smiling now?
Pushing aside the notion to smash the frame into a million pieces, he instead reached up with a finger and traced the face of the only blonde in the picture, as if he expected it to bring her back to life. Daniel was in the photo too, along with the girl, Cassandra, and it had become one of Jack's most treasured possessions in the last few years, even through he would rather eat his own hand than admit it.
Daniel was at the back, his arm around Sam who was sitting next to him on the grass, smiling into the photo as Cassandra lay on the grass in front of them, gazing up at Sam's face, her head resting on Daniel's legs while the dark haired man was running a now still hand through her long hair, all of this frozen in time.
Everything had changed since this photo had been taken a few years ago, and if he thought about it, that was probably why it meant so much to him. First off Daniel had left them for universes unknown, then Cassie had ceased be the cute little innocent that she had been when first arriving on Earth. Not that he was complaining or anything, an 18 year old Cassandra was sure as hell better than a 16 year old one, and Jack liked nothing more than to spend some quality time with his little friend, deeply proud how well she had turned out, but there were times when he would remember what she had been like as 12 years old and wonder where all the years had gone.
And now, Sam was gone.
She had left. Disappeared without a trace, taking with her what was going to be both of their future, the said future snug and growing within her, innocent and faultless as the young Cassie had been. She had been ripped from him, they both had, and now he was alone again, wallowing in his guilt.
For one brief moment, he had been happy. So very happy and their future had looked so bright it was blinding. They were together finally, after years of denial and struggle and they were about to have a baby, a token of how much their love meant to each other.
Then in the shortest second a freak malfunction of the device that had brought them together in the first place had taken her away forever to places where he could not follow.
And now Jack didn't know what to do. It still seemed too unreal, too bizarre to even think about seriously. How could she be gone?? She was Sam Carter, for crying out loud! She got out of danger at least once a week, saving herself and others in the process, there was no way she couldn't have survived this as well. It had been a cruel twist of fate, that was all. She was going to walk in that door any moment now, come out back with him and share a beer after a hard day at the office and everything was going to be fine.
"She could survive anything.." he murmured to himself, still staring at the photo; now holding it like it was a delicate flower that needed protecting.
He heard the sound of footprints behind him and every muscle in his body froze. For a short, bizarre second, he almost cheered out loud at the fact that he had been right and here she was, coming back to him like he had known she would, but then the light dimmed in his eyes as reality caught up with him, and he wondered who it was that was walking through his house uninvited.
His question was answered when he recognised the unmistakable sound of Daniel bumping into his coffee table and releasing a muffled curse as he stepped aside, straightening what he had bashed into and stepping out of the sliding door onto the back porch, coming to a stop behind where Jack sat.
Jack didn't greet him; in fact, he didn't even act like he had noticed he was standing there at all, hoping maybe if he did this then Daniel would just leave.
No such luck. Jack heard Danny give a slight sigh before sitting down next to him on the porch, pulling his legs up to his chest and resting his chin on his knees. Spying this out of the corner of his eyes, Jack felt himself bristle unconsciously. It had always annoyed him when Daniel did this, and for the life of him he couldn't think of a reason why. Maybe it was the fact that it made him seem so child like, so innocent, even with every thing that he had seen over the years, that it seemed almost fake to the hard, realistic Colonel.
Or maybe it was the fact that it seemed to drive the ladies wild. Sam had even said so, years ago when they were in the stage of their relationship when they still teased each other.before it had gotten to dangerous. The females on base seemed to think that it gave Daniel a cute, sensitive side that couldn't be resisted, whatever the hell that meant.
But now, Jack just gave his head a little shake and told himself to stop being so petty. It wouldn't do to hurt Daniel when he had seemingly made an effort to seek him out.
"How you doing, Jack?" the younger man asked softly, all the while staring out into the garden, watching the afternoon insects go about their business.
"How does it look like I'm doing, Danny?" was Jack sarcastic reply and Danny snorted, knowing instantly that this conversation was doomed to go down hill from the start.
"Yeah, thought as much." Looking around, Daniel spied the bottle of Whiskey and frowned, wondering how much of it Jack had drunk. He was just about to open his mouth and ask when he caught sight of the photo frame on Jack's knees. Noticing the contents, Daniel couldn't hold back the gasp of surprise that came out of his mouth when he saw himself and the others. Not caring what Jack would say about it, he reached out and gently picked up the frame from his friend's knees and brought it back, studying the treasured photo so closely that it almost touched his nose.
"Oh, god." he whispered, his eyes tracing Sam's smiling face, his own joyful expression and the look of complete adoration on Cassandra's as she gazed up dreamily at her beloved Sam while the sun played on her glowing face.
"I didn't know you had this framed, Jack," he whispered softly, still staring at the blonde woman leaning against his shoulder in the photo. Now that he remembered more clearly, Teal'c had taken it out here in this very garden a few summers ago when they had all gathered at Jack's for one of his famous barbeques. One of the reasons it had been such a lovely photo was because it had been the Jaffa's first successful photographic attempt and he had been so proud of it he had gotten about four or five copies of the whole film.
Everyone had one, and Daniel knew for a fact that Cassandra had the very same photo framed on her bedside table, as well as one down stairs on the mantle piece of her and Janet's home. But he hadn't known Jack had the same photo framed, but now, thinking back over the past few months, it didn't seem so unlikely.
With the thought of Cassie, Daniel winced. The poor girl was going to be devastated with the news and Daniel didn't envy Janet who would have to tell her when she got home tonight.
"Yeah, well, I thought Teal'c had done a good job, so why not?" This typical Jack O'Neill answer didn't fool Danny for a second, and he shot him a disbelieving glance.
"It's nice." Daniel said to nobody in particular, but Jack didn't answer.
Finally having enough of having a conversation with a brick wall, Daniel reached around Jack and made a grab for the bottle of Whiskey. Knowing that Jack was watching him out of the corner of his eye, Danny braced himself and took a large gulp.
He coughed as the stuff burned its way through his body, and felt Jack thump him on his back, non-to gently.
"That's what you get for drinking this kind of stuff, Danny Boy, its not good for you on an empty stomach." Glaring at the older man who had finally decided to be verbal enough to get out a whole sentence, Daniel put the bottle down and swore to never touch the stuff again.
"The General was asking for you, Jack," he said in a low voice, knowing this was a touchy subject. "He wants you to come back to base."
"Yeah, well, you can tell Hammond that I'll come back when I want to, and not a moment before." Jack's gruff response didn't surprise Daniel, but he shook his head, knowing that he had to keep trying. Putting the frame down on the ground gently, he turned to face Jack.
"You're needed there, can't you see that?" Daniel pleaded softly but Jack just gave a short, humourless bark of laughter.
"To do what, exactly? SG-1 sure as hell won't be going on any missions anytime soon."
"We need you, Jack." Daniel stressed honestly, knowing that if anything was going to reach the man, this was it. Sure enough, Jack looked down at the grass beneath his feet and closed his eyes.
"You don't need me, Daniel. Neither does Jonas or Teal'c. You'll be fine together."
"That's not true and you damn well know it." Daniel spat out, finally getting fed up. "So what are you going to do? Never come back to base? You think Sam would have wanted you to stay here and wallow in your own self pity when there are other people grieving just the same as you who need your help?" Daniel noticed Jack flinch when he said this but made himself keep going.
"And what about her father, huh?" he said bluntly. "For god's sake, Jack, Jacob's been sent for and how do you think he's going to handle this? Hes going to need you there."
"Why?" Jack finally asked, his voice deadly calm. "To add further salt to the wounds by telling him I was sleeping with his daughter?"
Daniel closed his eyes. "Of course not, don't be so damn stupid." Taking a deep breath, Danny forced himself to calm down. "Your were not only her CO, but her friend as well, as far as Jacob's concerned. How is it going to look if your not there when he is told his daughter has disappeared and is probably dead?"
There was nothing Jack could say to that and Daniel knew it. His expression grew soft when he reached over and rested a hand on his friend's shaking shoulder. "Please come back, Jack. Sam would want you to."
And with that, he stood up and silently left Jack to his own thoughts, silently closing the sliding door behind him as he went. But as he was about to turn to walk through the house towards the front door, Danny looked down at Jack through the glass and saw him slowly reach out and once again pick up the silver frame and put it back in his lap. Even from behind him, Daniel could see that his shoulders were jerking with the unbearable pain that was shooting through his body as he wept for the loss of his dear friend and lover, and unbeknown to Daniel, his unborn baby as well.
With one last glance at the bent, defeated head of his friend and teammate, Daniel turned and walked back through the house like a ghost, never forgetting that behind him a man was being torn apart.
And knowing that deep in the centre of the silver frame, not touched by frost or time, Sam Carter kept smiling.
****