Chapter 15
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No sleep last night, too busy thinking of you. I was trying to figure out
how I could fix things, but I can't. You wouldn't want me to anyway, so I guess I'll just have to stop
loving you somehow. And only love the memory of
me actually thinking you cared. It hurt bad. I shouldn't waste my tears, I know. It's kind of too late to say that. I've already unleashed thousands, cause every thought I ever had was about you. And every dream I ever wished came true - when you entered my life. And now you're slowly disappearing, so I didn't sleep last night.
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"Is this Chicken or Turkey?" Jeremy said pushing the plate towards Carter, Carter looked at him then pushed the plate back. "Chicken" This didn't seem to please Jeremy at all.
"I like Turkey best." He said with a disappointed sigh. I laughed as did Carter, Susan, Chuck, Chen, Pratt, Gallant and Neela who were also seated at our table. "Honey you like Chicken and don't like turkey." I corrected, he looked at me confused.
"Are you sure?" I nodded and he took his plate back and immediately started munching on his carrots. "That was a beautiful ceremony." Chen said with a smile, we all agreed.
There were moments of awkward silence and then talking continued. The men talking about the football game and the women about the lovely wedding. Logan sat looking bored as did Jeremy. "Mommy, I'm bored." Logan said looking up from his plate.
"Me too." Jeremy whined.
"Well, you guys are going to be going home, with my friend Cindy. Remember you met her a couple days ago? You're going to go with her and watch a movie." Carter said to the bored pair. He continued eating, every once in a while I would catch him looking over at Tanya I guess he really did like her, maybe even love her. I think I knew now that I wanted Carter, but it was too late. No matter how much I card about him I could not have him. He could never be mine. He was Tanya's. "Oh, its 8 o clock, we better take the boys out." Carter said standing up. The three of us followed. Carter reached down and picked Jeremy up. Jeremy was a little more accepting of Carter today, I took Logan by the hand, we walked out to the main entrance of the hall and waited. "So...That was a nice wedding." Carter stated. I smiled, in a agreement.
"LOOK!" Logan said pointing towards Cindy walking up the sidewalk.
"Hi guys." She said smiling and grabbing each one of their hands.
"I will see you guys, later enjoy the wedding." Cindy said marching off with them. I watched them go, it wasn't often I hired babysitters. Carter wrapped his arm around my shoulders leading me back into the building.
-------------------------
you'll never see the
stars if you are
always looking down
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"I feel like dancing." Susan said grabbing Chucks arm and dragging him onto the dance floor." I love this song, I wasn't usually much of a Dixie Chicks fan but, Cowboy take me away was one of my favourites, it reminded me of the time Eric, Jodi, Carter and I went dancing. It was a fun night. I really miss those days, now he's with Tanya and I'm here obsessing over what could have been. He looks over at me and smiles, I'm sure he's about to ask me to dance and then Tanya walks up and steals my light. "Hey," She says patting him gingerly on the shoulder. He smiles up at her and then stands now he's basically hovering over her. "You want to dance." She asks shyly. DAMN! I hate her. They walk off arm in arm and proceed to dance. "Abby!" Yosh says approaching me. I smile at him, standing to meet him at eye level. "Would you like to dance?" I pondered this for a second deciding this was as good as it gets and walked to the dance floor with him. As I was dancing with Yosh I watched Carter and Tanya they looked happy, I could feel the knot in my stomach weighing me down. I couldn't deal with it anymore, I let go of Yosh and ran outside, I knew I drew the attention of many on lookers but this did not bother. I kept running until I got outside, where I sat down on the curb, and took a deep breath. "Damn it." I said angrily I forgot my cigarettes inside. "Hey you." I heard a voice say from behind me, I turned around abruptly to see Carter standing tall with his hands in his pockets and a bit of a worried look upon his face. I smiled wearily, tears daring to fall.
"What's up?" He asked taking a seat on the curb right next to me. I shrugged, taking a moment to shiver, He took off his jacket and place it over my shoulders. "Nothings wrong? You normally run out of weddings?" He smiled, I laughed at him.
"No." I answered "I just, I want to be with you." I continued, "I know I lost my chance but, I want you, and I don't want HER to have you. We have our kids together, and everything." I sighed.
"Oh." I looked up at him quizzically.
"Oh?" I retorted.
"Abby. You can't say that now. Besides you only want me cause you can't have me."
"You're an ass. You know that." I said getting up and throwing his jacket at him.
"Are you PMSing or something." He yelled. I stood looking at him, this was all a little weird, I was due, at least 2 days ago, so I should be getting my period soon, although I haven't even started to get any of my regular symptoms. "Carter." I said harshly.
"What?" He said coming towards me.
"Why would you say that?" I asked moving a step closer to him to make this conversation a little more private even though no one else was around.
"I don't know, you're acting a little bitchy and possessive lately I guess. Signs for a women's period." I laughed.
"No I haven't." I stated.
"Well are you going to get your period." He laughed.
"Carter, I don't see why this is any of your business." I said gently shoving him.
"Because, I am living with you. I should no your moods, get ready for the tornado, yah know?" He was right. Should I tell him though, ah why not.
"Actually, I was suppose to get it a couple days ago, and I haven't even started having my regular period symptoms." I rolled my eyes. As he looked shocked and frightened rolled into one. "Wh- What?" He said now stepping back. "You could be pregnant Abby."
He was right I could be, and we didn't use protection, this was not a good sign AT ALL!
"Okay, well lets not freak out." Carter, rubbed his forehead like he often did when he was stressed. "well lets go get a pregnancy test." He stated.
"Now?" We were at a wedding reception, I would hardly call it the time or place to be checking if he knocked me up. "YES!" I shook my head no. He sighed and then kicked his foot against the ground like a little kid. "Abby, I need to know, I'm going to be nervous all night now." He said wringing his hands.
"Carter, what do you propose we do, leave Tanya down their to fend for herself, and just run out." Carter thought about this for a second then nodded.
"I'll tell her, we have to go get the twins or check on them or something."
"Fine if your so adamant about this we'll do it." I said turning on my heels and heading towards the door. I could tell he was doing a private victory dance.
--------------------------------
There are 3 kinds of people
in this world...those who
want things to happen,
those that make things
happen, and those who
just wonder what the
hell happened!
-------------------------------
"Hey are you okay?" Susan asked as we walked back into the buzzing hall.
"Yeah, just fine." I said with a slight smile. Susan gave me a weird look, as Carter walked over to explain to Tanya that he will be back in a few moments. "Carter thinks I might be pregnant." I said rolling my eyes.
"What?" Susan shouted, causing a bit of a stir around us.
"I don't think I am, but he INSISTS we leave right now to check."
"Well, he can't come with you I have to." Susan stated.
"I don't think Carter will go for that." I was actually positive he wouldn't.
"Let me talk to him." She said heading off, I continued packing my things, having mixed feelings about this pregnancy thing, I looked at my watch noticing it was 10 and I was quite anxious to see my twins again, so maybe we could go from the pharmacy straight home. I actually wanted Susan to come instead of Carter, it would take the pressure of the situation. I saw Susan coming back with a smile lighting up her whole face.
"Yes, I will come with you, and Carter said he will meet us back at the apartment." I was relieved that I would be going straight home I was a little tired lately.
------------------------------------
I've discovered that I often visit
the state of confusion, and
I know my way around pretty
well.
--------------------------------------
-------------------------------------------
No sleep last night, too busy thinking of you. I was trying to figure out
how I could fix things, but I can't. You wouldn't want me to anyway, so I guess I'll just have to stop
loving you somehow. And only love the memory of
me actually thinking you cared. It hurt bad. I shouldn't waste my tears, I know. It's kind of too late to say that. I've already unleashed thousands, cause every thought I ever had was about you. And every dream I ever wished came true - when you entered my life. And now you're slowly disappearing, so I didn't sleep last night.
--------------------------------------------
"Is this Chicken or Turkey?" Jeremy said pushing the plate towards Carter, Carter looked at him then pushed the plate back. "Chicken" This didn't seem to please Jeremy at all.
"I like Turkey best." He said with a disappointed sigh. I laughed as did Carter, Susan, Chuck, Chen, Pratt, Gallant and Neela who were also seated at our table. "Honey you like Chicken and don't like turkey." I corrected, he looked at me confused.
"Are you sure?" I nodded and he took his plate back and immediately started munching on his carrots. "That was a beautiful ceremony." Chen said with a smile, we all agreed.
There were moments of awkward silence and then talking continued. The men talking about the football game and the women about the lovely wedding. Logan sat looking bored as did Jeremy. "Mommy, I'm bored." Logan said looking up from his plate.
"Me too." Jeremy whined.
"Well, you guys are going to be going home, with my friend Cindy. Remember you met her a couple days ago? You're going to go with her and watch a movie." Carter said to the bored pair. He continued eating, every once in a while I would catch him looking over at Tanya I guess he really did like her, maybe even love her. I think I knew now that I wanted Carter, but it was too late. No matter how much I card about him I could not have him. He could never be mine. He was Tanya's. "Oh, its 8 o clock, we better take the boys out." Carter said standing up. The three of us followed. Carter reached down and picked Jeremy up. Jeremy was a little more accepting of Carter today, I took Logan by the hand, we walked out to the main entrance of the hall and waited. "So...That was a nice wedding." Carter stated. I smiled, in a agreement.
"LOOK!" Logan said pointing towards Cindy walking up the sidewalk.
"Hi guys." She said smiling and grabbing each one of their hands.
"I will see you guys, later enjoy the wedding." Cindy said marching off with them. I watched them go, it wasn't often I hired babysitters. Carter wrapped his arm around my shoulders leading me back into the building.
-------------------------
you'll never see the
stars if you are
always looking down
-------------------------
"I feel like dancing." Susan said grabbing Chucks arm and dragging him onto the dance floor." I love this song, I wasn't usually much of a Dixie Chicks fan but, Cowboy take me away was one of my favourites, it reminded me of the time Eric, Jodi, Carter and I went dancing. It was a fun night. I really miss those days, now he's with Tanya and I'm here obsessing over what could have been. He looks over at me and smiles, I'm sure he's about to ask me to dance and then Tanya walks up and steals my light. "Hey," She says patting him gingerly on the shoulder. He smiles up at her and then stands now he's basically hovering over her. "You want to dance." She asks shyly. DAMN! I hate her. They walk off arm in arm and proceed to dance. "Abby!" Yosh says approaching me. I smile at him, standing to meet him at eye level. "Would you like to dance?" I pondered this for a second deciding this was as good as it gets and walked to the dance floor with him. As I was dancing with Yosh I watched Carter and Tanya they looked happy, I could feel the knot in my stomach weighing me down. I couldn't deal with it anymore, I let go of Yosh and ran outside, I knew I drew the attention of many on lookers but this did not bother. I kept running until I got outside, where I sat down on the curb, and took a deep breath. "Damn it." I said angrily I forgot my cigarettes inside. "Hey you." I heard a voice say from behind me, I turned around abruptly to see Carter standing tall with his hands in his pockets and a bit of a worried look upon his face. I smiled wearily, tears daring to fall.
"What's up?" He asked taking a seat on the curb right next to me. I shrugged, taking a moment to shiver, He took off his jacket and place it over my shoulders. "Nothings wrong? You normally run out of weddings?" He smiled, I laughed at him.
"No." I answered "I just, I want to be with you." I continued, "I know I lost my chance but, I want you, and I don't want HER to have you. We have our kids together, and everything." I sighed.
"Oh." I looked up at him quizzically.
"Oh?" I retorted.
"Abby. You can't say that now. Besides you only want me cause you can't have me."
"You're an ass. You know that." I said getting up and throwing his jacket at him.
"Are you PMSing or something." He yelled. I stood looking at him, this was all a little weird, I was due, at least 2 days ago, so I should be getting my period soon, although I haven't even started to get any of my regular symptoms. "Carter." I said harshly.
"What?" He said coming towards me.
"Why would you say that?" I asked moving a step closer to him to make this conversation a little more private even though no one else was around.
"I don't know, you're acting a little bitchy and possessive lately I guess. Signs for a women's period." I laughed.
"No I haven't." I stated.
"Well are you going to get your period." He laughed.
"Carter, I don't see why this is any of your business." I said gently shoving him.
"Because, I am living with you. I should no your moods, get ready for the tornado, yah know?" He was right. Should I tell him though, ah why not.
"Actually, I was suppose to get it a couple days ago, and I haven't even started having my regular period symptoms." I rolled my eyes. As he looked shocked and frightened rolled into one. "Wh- What?" He said now stepping back. "You could be pregnant Abby."
He was right I could be, and we didn't use protection, this was not a good sign AT ALL!
"Okay, well lets not freak out." Carter, rubbed his forehead like he often did when he was stressed. "well lets go get a pregnancy test." He stated.
"Now?" We were at a wedding reception, I would hardly call it the time or place to be checking if he knocked me up. "YES!" I shook my head no. He sighed and then kicked his foot against the ground like a little kid. "Abby, I need to know, I'm going to be nervous all night now." He said wringing his hands.
"Carter, what do you propose we do, leave Tanya down their to fend for herself, and just run out." Carter thought about this for a second then nodded.
"I'll tell her, we have to go get the twins or check on them or something."
"Fine if your so adamant about this we'll do it." I said turning on my heels and heading towards the door. I could tell he was doing a private victory dance.
--------------------------------
There are 3 kinds of people
in this world...those who
want things to happen,
those that make things
happen, and those who
just wonder what the
hell happened!
-------------------------------
"Hey are you okay?" Susan asked as we walked back into the buzzing hall.
"Yeah, just fine." I said with a slight smile. Susan gave me a weird look, as Carter walked over to explain to Tanya that he will be back in a few moments. "Carter thinks I might be pregnant." I said rolling my eyes.
"What?" Susan shouted, causing a bit of a stir around us.
"I don't think I am, but he INSISTS we leave right now to check."
"Well, he can't come with you I have to." Susan stated.
"I don't think Carter will go for that." I was actually positive he wouldn't.
"Let me talk to him." She said heading off, I continued packing my things, having mixed feelings about this pregnancy thing, I looked at my watch noticing it was 10 and I was quite anxious to see my twins again, so maybe we could go from the pharmacy straight home. I actually wanted Susan to come instead of Carter, it would take the pressure of the situation. I saw Susan coming back with a smile lighting up her whole face.
"Yes, I will come with you, and Carter said he will meet us back at the apartment." I was relieved that I would be going straight home I was a little tired lately.
------------------------------------
I've discovered that I often visit
the state of confusion, and
I know my way around pretty
well.
--------------------------------------