Chapter 24
Fin's POV
In another life, Peter would have been my friend.
It's funny, really. He's ambitious and clever, and for once, I'd have someone that truly challenged me.
Thank fucking God I took a chance on the Stiff dude.
I originally approached him because he's hot, not going to lie. When I said that all Stiffs could suck my cock, I didn't quite mean it that way, but as I watched him calmly slice his palm and drop his blood into the coals, damn, I'd let him suck my cock for real.
He's actually a cool person, though. Ever since he punched me in the face, I respect the shit out of him. Maybe I have a little too much fun teasing him, yeah, but he's starting to bite back, it's fine. Seriously though, he's one of the bravest motherfuckers I've met. He started a fight he was sure he would lose just to save his friend. Well, maybe he woulda won, that punch was really fucking strong.
Dauntless is all about challenging yourself, and boy does he challenge me. Every time he looks in my eyes, he's daring me to become better, stronger, braver to match him. He's quiet and contemplative and everything that I'm not, and man, that shit's dope.
But beyond that, though, he's been through so, so much. I can see it in his eyes, that looks of someone who has to grow up way too quick. Does he recognize that same look in me?
At least he didn't kill his father. Probably.
Maybe that's why I'm such a fucking thrillseeker. After killing the one who broke you the most, like, how are you going to top that? I've already overcome the biggest challenge I'll ever face. Now my challenges are, what, fighting a few of my friends and trying to fuck a cute twink?
During the fight with Peter, I noticed Ash's hesitation. Despite the fact that Peter deserves to fucking die, I'm glad Ash didn't go through with it. And, no, it's not because I want to kill Peter myself. I do, but I've already gotten away with one murder. I'm not pushing that luck, especially for someone like Peter.
Ash shouldn't have to worry about having red on his ledger yet. Once it starts, it's so much harder to resist those impulses.
Speaking of Ash, I haven't seen either him nor Crimson since after the fight. Are they finally dealing with their shit? Fucking good, because as much as Ash annoys me, I know Crimson still gives a fuck. And sure, yeah, Crimson was an asshole too, but I've been in much messier relationships. Shuî seems inclined towards forgiveness, so fuck it, I am too.
"Hey, Fin." Shuî says after dinner. "Can we talk?"
"We're talking right now." I crack a grin. "I know what you mean. What's up?"
It's certainly not him returning my feelings. Right? Nah, I know I'm sometimes bad at reading situations like this, but I can tell this isn't it.
"In private, please?"
Maybe?
We go down a few halls, somewhere I know I won't be interrupted. He walks fast, and I'm glad I don't have to slow down for him. "So, what's on your mind?"
"Teach me about sex."
I choke on whatever I was going to say. What? His face is starting to burn red already, but his eyes bore into mine.
"Well, you see, when two or more people get horny, they-"
"Okay, I know about, like, the physicality of it all." Oh, thank God, I don't have to explain what a penis is.
I narrow my eyes. "Wait. Are you coming onto me?" It's half a joke, but honestly, I wouldn't put it past a former Stuff to flirt like that.
"No!" He shakes his head before calming himself. "No, I-" He pauses for a moment, collecting the words he wants to say. Maybe I should start doing that more. "It's just, uh, relationships work very different here, and when I am ready to… do that, I want to be prepared."
God he's so much smarter than me.
Well, I guess smart's not the right word. I'm plenty intelligent. Chess? I'll fucking beat anybody. Chemistry? Fuck yeah, give me all the hexagons! I just can't focus for shit, even when I'm on my meds. And yeah, I'm on my meds. Lynn literally pinned me down and forced one into my mouth when I forgot one day last week. But nah, when I have to ration out my focus, all of it's going to fighting right now. He just seems a lot more… I don't know, precise with his focus or something. Though, he still spaces out sometimes and all that.
Anyway. It's good that he's preparing for all the emotional stuff too, not just all the fighting.
"So," I sit down against the wall, knowing that I'm in this for the long haul. "I dunno what all you know and stuff, so I guess just walk me though what ou do know."
He sits down across from me, burying his face in his hands. "First off, even talking about it is… was a sin, so this is definitely embarrassing."
"Yeah, well, Abnegation is the worst, so that completely tracks."
"Alright. Well, when a man loves a woman very much, he puts his penis in her vagina, popping her hymen if it's her hymen if it's her first time, and if she is loving and devoted enough, his sperm can enter her womb, and they're blessed with a child."
Oh, wow, that's the worst possible take on sex. "No wonder you and Tris are so frigid. Man, they make sex sound so boring. Did they teach you about, like, oral, anal, handjobs, anything like that?"
"I'm not-" He sighs. "And no, but, uh, I can surmise what all of those things mean."
A thought pops in my head. "Did they even teach you what condoms are?"
"No, what's that?"
It takes all my effort to not just scream. Instead, it bubbles up into laughter. "Oh, god, man y'all were fucked up." Do I have my wallet on me? I dig through my pockets. Yeah, there it is. I pull one out and tear open the package with my teeth. "It's like those latex gloves we used in science classes, but like, for your dick to prevent pregnancy and STDs and stuff."
He was reaching out to touch it, but he stops. "Oh, I'm allergic to those."
"Don't worry, they make non-latex ones as well." Shit, is this one latex or not? I look at the package. Good, it's not. "This one's safe."
The moment he touches it, he cringes. "It's… slimy."
"Oh, yeah, they come pre-lubed to make things easier. Though, most of the time, you still need more lube than they come with."
"Ah." He lets go of it and wipes his hand on his pants.
"Also, wait, sorry to back up so far, but did you say that the hymen, like, pops like a juice box?" I mimic the motion of a straw puncturing a juice container, making a 'pop' with my lips.
"Yeah, that's what they taught us."
"Bruh, do you know what a period is?"
"Yeah, I know about menstruation." I can see the gears turning in his cute little head. "Ah, I see. That doesn't make much sense."
"Abnegation is so fucked, dude." I sigh. "You made the right decision. Getting out, I mean."
His eyes flit to the ground. "I just hope Jiao's okay."
"Hey, if she's anything like you, she's tough as, like, nails made of steel. She's choosing Amity next year, right?"
"Yeah." He smiles a little. "Then she'll be free, and neither of us will ever have to think about Abnegation ever again." Despite his smile, he still seems sad about it. I fucking get it, I occasionally get that way thinking about my dad.
While I don't particularly like Amity, it's not like I have any particular beef with them in particular. Yeah, they're cowards, but so is basically everyone. At least Amity values self expression, and hey, an Amity girl blew me once because I helped her get stuff from the top shelf in our chemistry class. Also, their leader, Johanna Reyes, used to date my mom back when they were in Candor together, and apparently she's a fucking firecracker, so that's cool.
"Good." I smile after a moment. "Now, uh, about pregnancy. Yeah, that shit's not about love, any time you cum in someone with a cunt, there's a chance they'll get pregnant. That's why condoms are so important, so they catch your splooge and stuff."
"Makes sense."
"And trust me, you don't wanna get anyone pregnant right now. There's also other forms of birth control, like pills and implants and stuff that make it so that your cum doesn't have any sperm in it, or if you never want kids, vasectomies are where it's at." God, I can't wait until initiation's over and I can get one. "Right now, I have the arm implant, wanna feel?" I hold out my arm, tapping the spot on my tricep where they inserted it.
"Oh, uh, sure." He hesitantly reaches out, his finger recoiling jut a bit before they touch my skin. Right, Abnegation thinks touch is evil or something. His delicate fingers run over the bump in my skin. "That's… noticeable." God, I wish he'd touch me more. His touch is light, so light. I want those hands everywhere. But he sits back against the wall after a moment.
"Yeah, but this shit works." I'm not going to get super into how the hormones and stuff works, because I ain't no fuckin' Erudite or nothing. "Basically affects your hormones so you literally don't produce sperm."
"Neat."
"But yeah, uh, other stuff to teach about sex. Uh, I'm not going to get into kinks or that stuff yet, because we'd be here all night, but like, I'm guessing Abnegation taught monogamy with a partner of the opposite sex only, right?"
Shuî nods.
"And, given the fact that you're clearly into men, and at least more than one, you've figured out that's bullshit, right?"
He sighs. "Yeah, but the guilt is hard to deal with."
"Here in Dauntless, as long as everyone is into it, you can kinda do whoever you want, barring, like, your own relatives or someone way younger than you or something." I shrug. "I can't even imagine feeling guilty for being horny."
"Yeah, well, you didn't grow up Abnegation."
My watch starts going off. Wait, why? Oh, shit, I forgot I was supposed to help Mom with her file clean up. "Hey, uh, Shuî, sorry to cut his short and all, but I promised my Mom I'd help her move some shit." I stand up quickly.
"Oh, do you guys need any help?" Shuî asks, standing as well. Of course he'd ask, he's way too fucking selfless sometimes.
"Nah, I'll be fine." Mom's job requires some level of privacy, and no offense to Shuî, but he's just a random transfer. "Thanks, though. And feel free to ask if you have any other questions."
He smiles, the burning blush finally fading from his cheeks a bit. "Yeah, I will."
And so, I start heading back down the paths.
0-0-0-0-0
As I walk up to Mom's apartment, I see Ian skulking out the door. His hair's bright green now. Nice. It was yellow a couple days ago, and it looked fucking awful.
"Hey, you trying to weasel outta helping?" I yell with a grin.
"Nah, I just don't want to get in the way!" He smirks back. "After all, I'm too fuckin weak, aren't I?"
I probably said that to him at some point. Boy has one of the highest bench press weights for a fourteen year old, even including the dudes born with dicks. "Nah, I think you're just being lazy, booger hair."
"Insulting my hair when yours looks like that?" Fuck, yeah, the purple in my hair's already fading out. Marona tried a new brand of dye, and it sucks ass.
"Fair enough." I laugh as I approach the door. "Have a good night, man."
"Have fun moving boxes, loser." He grins as he starts down the path.
My smile fades as soon as I enter the apartment. After I dealt with Dad, I woulda thought we'd move apartments or something, but Mom insisted we stay. Something about not letting him ruin what she's built up. Yet still, even though she keeps rearranging the furniture, all I can see is Dad beating my brother.
My footsteps sound too much like his on the creaky floorboards.
I round the corner into Mom's office. "Ian ran off."
"Good, he'd complain the whole time anyway." Mom laughs, but… I don't know, it sounds off. She still uses that fucking step ladder, even after she fell off of it and twisted up her ankle real bad a couple years back. Like, I know it's the Dauntless thing to do to not give a shit about that, but still, I've been this tall for ages, and Ian might end up taller than me. There's a difference between fear and stupidity. I should know, I cross that line constantly.
"Same as usual?" I ask, knowing the answer is yes. We do this every month. The oldest files are on the top shelf, so we get them down so she can sort through them. She keeps anything that's still relevant to current cases in her filing cabinet, then the res gets taken to the archive. Then, we move each box to the shelf above it, and the cycle repeats.
"Yeah." Again, she's usually much peppier than this.
"Everything all good?" I ask as I start getting the top boxes down.
She sighs. Fuck, it's probably just a hard case or something. I shouldn't have asked. "Infinity?"
"Yeah?"
"I know you talk big about being a Dauntless leader, but is that what you actually want?"
"Of course." I don't even have to think about it. I know a lot of people think I'd be a bad leader, but honestly, I'm much better than an outsider like fucking Eric. Even Max is kind of an asshole, with more of the whole 'toughness above all else' attitude. It's like no one's read our manifesto.
She sighs again and looks me in the eyes. She's on the stepladder still, so she's at eye level with me. "If that's the path you're looking to go down, you deserve to know some things. There's… something that's looking to tear down the faction system as we know it."
"What?" Who could possibly want to get rid of all the factions?
"Infinity, be honest with me." God, her eyes are scary, always able to pull the truth out of anyone. "Have you heard of the Divergent?"