Part Ten:
[Authors note: The title of this chapter, "Return of the Wandering Star" is
in reference to Aragorn's mother, Gilraen, whose name translates to
"Wandering Star"]
* * *
"Onen I-Estel Edain, ú-chebin estel anim"
(I gave Hope to the Dúnedain, I have kept no hope for myself)
- Gilraen the Fair, daughter of Dirhael, and mother of Aragorn Telcontar
****
In the months and years that followed, Jack O'Neill would always remember the moments that followed Gandalf's sudden, yet mischievous announcement as those in which the missing part of his heart and soul were finally netted back together. He would remember taking a huge breath as the words sank into his mind, before he felt the sudden shift of the air around him and knew without opening his eyes that they had arrived in this other, yet familiar, place.
Letting his eyes pop open, Jack instantly closed them again with a wince as he caught the full burst of a ray of sunlight from the window facing him. Moving slightly to evade the sun, he felt himself brush up against another and knew instantly it was Sam, standing next to him.
Opening his eyes again, yet slower and more cautiously this time, Jack was slightly disappointed to find himself in a room identical to the one he had just left. Right in front of him, tucked into the alcove as before, but with the curtain pulled back, was Sam's large, airy bed.
But Jack's brain only had a second to comprehend this notion, as his entire being was focused on the new, unknown figures all standing around Sam's bed. There were three of them, two females and a man, and all were tall and regal looking. Wondering who these people were, but knowing he was bound to find out in a few moments anyway, Jack's eyes drew immediately to the lovely young woman sitting on Sam's bed, her dark hair falling around her shoulders making her remind Jack instantly of Pènne.
Unlike her fair companions, both of which had turned immediately to Sam upon their small group's sudden arrival in the room, the dark haired woman instead fixed her startling blue eyes upon him and Jack found himself helpless to look away. Never had he seen such an exquisitely beautiful person, but under her piercing gaze he found himself being stripped of every protective barrier he had forced himself to place upon his mind over the past eight months.
But when the woman suddenly smiled at him gently, as if knowing what her gaze was doing to him, Jack found he could finally take the breath he desperately needed. And it was then, as the ebony haired creature dropped her gaze to her lap that Jack found his eyes following them and what he found make him suck in his breath loudly. In some part of him brain, he registered Sam dropping her hand to her side as she too, froze at his side where her outstretched hand had just been about to clasp the hand of the other blonde woman in the room, who Jack had failed to even glance at.
For contrasting against the dark haired woman's brilliant blue robes was a bundle of white cloth resting safely in her lap. Jack just stared at it for what he later would have sworn was a million years, unable to get his feet to move. As he failed to notice her moving at his side, he decided Sam was in the same situation he was and he almost jumped out of his skin when he felt a small, frozen hand snake into his own and squeeze tightly.
Glancing down at Sam's face, Jack was surprised to see a look of naked terror on her fair features as she stared across at the now twitching bundle in the lovely woman's lap.
"Samantha?" a voice drifted through the silence and Jack felt Sam jerk violently at his side as she snapped her head up to stare at the exotic woman sitting on her bed. At once her shoulder's seemed to droop and relief flashed across her face.
"Oh, god, Arwen." she murmured, and all at once her whole posture changed as she dropped her hand from Jack's and silently made her way across the floor. Jack stayed where he was, unable to tear his gaze off the thousand different emotions that were flitting across Sam's face.
He watched as she came to stand in front of the ebony haired woman he now knew was called Arwen and gazed down at the white bundle he knew contained their daughter. She stared for a few seconds, unblinking, before Jack noticed the tears falling from her eyes. Ever so slowly, Sam reached down and fingered the cloth hesitantly, as if she was afraid it was going to disappear. She gently drew the cloth aside and sucked in a breath when a flash of creamy pink skin came into view.
All at once, Sam lifted up her head and looked across at him, her eyes brimming, but with a watery smile on her face, and Jack didn't hesitate as he found himself walking over to the small group even without noticing his legs were moving.
When he reached them, he peered over Sam's shoulder and gazed down at the sleeping, wrinkly face of his daughter and Jack would have sworn to the pope himself that there wasn't anything more beautiful in the entire galaxy. Putting a shaking hand on Sam's shoulder, he barely noticed her leaning back against his chest as they both continued to stare down at the flushed, pink face that they had made.
"Well done, Sam," he found himself whispering in the blonde woman's ear without really realizing what he was saying. "Well done."
She must have given some kind of disbelieving laugh in reply for the sudden sound rebounded through the silent room and Jack watched as the baby scrunched up her face, seemingly annoyed at being disturbed, and open her eyes to the world.
They were as blue as the Atlantic, and even Jack, who had been through this before and knew that all babies were born with blue eyes, found himself blinking tears out of his own eyes at the sight. Sam got down on her knees beside Arwen, and brushing the cloth away so her whole face was visible, peered down into the tiny face as if she couldn't believe what she was seeing.
"She's got eyes like me." the blonde woman murmured in a disbelieving tone, and jerked out of her daze when both Jack and Arwen laughed at her words.
Snapping her head up, the two women stared at each other for the fraction of a second before Sam clumsily leaned up on her knees and reached over to embrace the woman sitting on her bed, cocooning the baby between them. Jack watched them, a slight smile on his face, as Sam whispered loudly, "Thank you so much, Arwen. Thank you from the bottom of my heart." And Jack got the sudden feeling that she was thanking her for something quite other than looking after the baby while they had been gone.
Pulling back, the exotic woman reached across and cupping the side of Sam's face, telling her in a gentle voice, "It is nothing, my friend. Use it well." Then she raised her azure eyes and again trained them on Jack's face. And the look she gave him spoke more than any words could.
Just then, a voice broke through the silence. "So, young ones, have you a name for this youngster, or are we to call it anything or nothing until you decide?"
Flashing a look in Gandalf's direction, Jack instead found himself staring at the two other new figures in the room, which before now, he hadn't taken much notice of. And now, somewhere in his mind, he wondered how he could have ever failed to heed them. Both wore layers of long silver robes and standing together, just out of the intimate circle of the new family and the dark haired Arwen, they looked to Jack like a pair of golden, grave angels.
What was it with these people, he asked himself, that makes them so beautiful, yet so sad? Their eyes were ageless, gentle, kind, but cold as the dawn. And as he stood there, in elvish clothes similar to their own, he found himself under the gaze of the woman, and swore he found stars sparkling with her cerulean depths. Of the four of their kind who he had beheld, only Pènne and Arwen had the flash of youth within their eyes and he wondered at it, wondered at what made the dark haired women so different from the others of their kind.
With the thought of Pènne, Jack tore his gaze from the blonde woman, and searched the room for his deliverer, but she was nowhere to be seen.
"Pènne has gone to find one who should also be here, yet had wandered off with time." Looking across at the blonde woman who had just spoken, he found her still facing ahead, but gazing at him out of the corner of her eyes, and Jack got the feeling that her words were for him only.
Giving his head a quick shake to clear it, he went back to Arwen and Sam, who were still pouring over the baby. Sitting next to Arwen on the bed, he glanced down at Sam with a smile, seeing that she had the baby on her lap. "Well?" he asked her, causing everyone in the room to regard him keenly. "Have you thought of a name?"
With his words, Gandalf banked his staff on the ground a few times and nodded his head in approval. "A fine question, young man, a fine question in deed. But will we get an answer this time, Samantha, or will you and the Lady Arwen continue to stare at the young miracle until night falls?"
Sam finally looked up and Jack was pleased to see the joy in her eyes. Even thought her words were for all, she wouldn't take her eyes away from his as she spoke. "Yes, actually. I had thought of a name." She spoke softly, yet assured. Sitting on the ground, cross-legged, the bundle was cushioned in her lap and one of her hands was absently brushing the soft material protectively. The other hand reached up and gathered one of Jack's.
"I want her to have a name that recognizes where she truly comes from, where her parents come from." Pausing, she looked up at Gandalf, and gave the man a gentle smile. "For she will know one day that she is American in name, if not in birth. But she's got to have a name that also recognizes she is part of Middle-Earth, and always will be, even if one day we both go back to our world."
Still looking at Gandalf, Sam trailed off, giving the others time to process her words. But Jack, who had already expected her to say something like this, was first to see the door on the far side of the room silently open and two figures slip though. Looking up, he recognized Pènne first, and smiling, he had just been about to call out a greeting when he caught sight of the man with her.
The first thing Jack noticed was he was not the same kind as Arwen and the others and that he appeared as human as he and Gandalf did. But there was something about him, a raw, rugged power that made the Colonel frown. Dressed in dark green and brown, he looked more out of place in the room than anybody else, yet the way he held himself, the proud tilt of his chin and straight back, identified him as one of them.
Not knowing if he should say anything about their new guest, Jack kept quiet, waiting for something to greet the man whom he guessed was Aragorn. He didn't have to wait long for Arwen's eyes lit up as she glimpsed the man standing off to the side, and she quickly stood, alerting everyone of his arrival.
"Aragorn, my friend!" Gandalf cried, turning his head and beckoning the silent man over. "Where have you hailed from? We expected your return an age ago! Come, behold what you have missed!"
Following the sweep of Gandalf's arm, Aragorn's eyes fell on Jack and his eyebrows rose in slight surprise. The two men stared at each other for a few seconds, both making their own conclusions, before Aragorn abruptly took a step forward and surprised the hell out of Jack by extending his hand in greeting, a warm smile on his face.
"Greetings, Jack O'Neill." Aragorn said as Jack resolutely took his outstretched hand, his voice firm, yet kind. "Welcome to Middle-Earth and Lothlórien. I have heard much of you from Samantha, and was looking forward to meeting you at last. I trust you found everything to your liking?"
Perplexed, Jack nodded and shot a quick glance at Sam, who was watching the exchange with a barely contained smile. Catching his eye, she raised her eyebrows in question, but Jack read the challenge in her blue eyes. Frowning at her, he turned back to Aragorn and shrugged.
"Sure, I like this place just fine. It would be nice to know a bit more about where it exactly is in the scheme of things, but apart from that I've got no complaints." Unable to stop the grin that appeared on his face, Jack jerked his head in the direction of the two women by the bed. "Sam was just about to tell us what name she had picked out for the baby and I think certain people are getting a bit antsy." This last bit was complemented with a quick glance at Gandalf.
Grinning broadly, Aragorn walked over to Sam and Arwen and gazed down at the now sleeping baby, his hand reaching out to grasp Arwen's in the process as all three of them regarded the child. Sam looked up at him with a bright smile. "It's so good to have you back, Aragorn. You've been missed." He didn't give her a response, only resting a hand on her shoulder for a beat and giving it a warm squeeze. The moment gone, both went back to gazing down at the baby.
"Gilraen." Sam suddenly murmured, causing everyone, especially Aragorn, to turn to her in question. Looking up, she blinked to find everyone's eyes on her and blushed slightly when she realised she must have spoken out loud.
Turning her face up to Aragorn's, she bit her lip in worry. "Would you mind terribly?" she asked softly, as if apprehensive of his answer. But she found she shouldn't have bothered, for Aragorn's response was everything she could have hoped for. He stared down at the baby with a look of wonder in his eyes, as if seeing her in a new light. Lightly brushing the soft, fair down on the baby's head, he turned to the new mother and smiled.
"You do not only my mother, but all my kin a great honor, dear friend. I am sure she would be immensely proud for her name to be carried on in your daughter." Turning, Aragorn gazed across at Jack, who had been listening to the conversation intensely.
"But what of you, Colonel?" The man asked, a grin growing on his lips. "Will you not lay claim to half of this child's calling?"
Leaning forward, he rested his elbows on the bed and made a show of critically examining the sleeping infant, causing Sam to laugh. "I don't know, Sam. I can't think of any fancy names for her, I reckon Gilraen is just fine." Looking up, he caught Aragorn's eye and held it. "And I happen to agree, she should have a name that symbolizes both her homes. And your mother's name seems to fit her, don't you think?"
Looking down again at the baby, a thought struck Jack that made him frown in consideration. "How about Gilraen Cheyenne, Sam?" he asked, looking up at everyone to see their reaction for a few seconds before turning back to Sam. He was pleased to see a wide smile on her face as his words registered. He saw her lips mouthing the words as if trying them out. Then see looked up brightly and beamed.
"Gilraen Cheyenne O'Neill," she said. "I love it. It's beautiful." And before Jack knew what was happening, Sam gracefully stood from the floor, Gilraen still in her arms. Walking past Arwen and Aragorn, she bent down on her knees before him and gently rested the bundle on his lap, peering up into his face while doing so.
Looking down, Jack stared into the baby's face, taking in every little feature and ever millimeter of flushed, pink skin. Reaching up, he lightly brushed her little, upturned nose causing the sleeping child to scrunch up her features in annoyance.
"Well." Gandalf's voice broke through the pleasant haze. "I think we should leave the new parents with their babe for a while. I can see when I am no longer wanted nor needed."
Coming closer, the old Wizard in turned peered down at Gilraen and Sam was touched to see his worn features soften every so slightly. Bending down, Gandalf gently kissed the top of Sam's blonde head before straightening up and lightly ruffling her growing hair. "Gilraen is a fine name, Samantha. It is both refined and strong, and if she is anything like her namesake, which I am sure she will be, little Gilraen is sure to go far."
And with that, before a touched Sam could even utter a reply, he had turned and headed for the door. Both Sam and Jack followed his progress across the room and blinked when they noticed a figure hovering in the doorway. Pènne had a calm, peaceful expression on her face when she turned to face them and Sam had the feeling that the last few minutes had had more of an effect on the stoic elf that she was willing to admit.
But when she spoke, her voice had the usual strong, clear tones it always had. "My conditions still stand, Jack O'Neill. I will come for you when you must return to your other world. I suggest you use your time together as best you can." And on that note, she silently walked through the doorway, pulling the wooden door closed gently as she went.
Left alone, silence filled the now empty room as the new family found themselves together for the first time. Feeling suddenly very shy, Sam hesitantly stole a look up at Jack's face from where she still knelt at his feet. Feeling his heavy gaze on her even before their eyes meet, Sam blushed as the full extent of Pènne's words hit her forcefully.
"She didn't mean, ah, that is.." Feeling her face get even hotter, Sam looked down, not wanting him to see her this way. But the sound of his laughter caused her to frown and peak up at him through her hair. He was grinning broadly while looking around him with avid, curious eyes.
Without looking at her, Jack said dryly, "Don't worry about it, Sam. I'm not as thick as I seem sometimes, I got what she was trying to say."
A tad discontented, Sam nodded. "Oh. Good." Her voice held a trace of disappointment but Jack either didn't notice or ignored it for he just went back to examining Gilraen.
"So do you like it here?" he asked her abruptly, causing Sam to blink with the random question. Wondering if there was more to what he was saying that meets the eye, Sam answered him carefully, while in turn looking around her bedroom with a soft smile.
"Sure," she answered, shrugging her shoulders. "Lothlórien's a wonderful place. I mean, if you have to be stuck somewhere for eight months without anyone you know, this is definitely the way to go." Feeling Jack's eyes boring into her head, she looked up into his face and tried to give him a smile.
"It's not home, Jack," she said softly, wanting him to understand how she felt on the matter. And Sam found that her words were exactly what he seemingly needed, for the man let out a huge breath of air and a flash of relief showed on his face.
Feeling the old companionship they use to share bubbling at the surface, Sam snorted and reached up to swat his arm. "For a man who says he's not as thick as everyone thinks he is, you can be an extreme idiot sometimes."
But Jack only shrugged his shoulders, not about to apologize for anything. "What was I meant to think? I mean, you've got all these fancy friends and stuff, and those clothes! You look right at home with them, Sam, even if you don't seem to realize it."
Not really liking where his words were going, Sam abruptly stood, causing Gilraen to give a start and Jack to crane his neck to see her face. "What's up?" he asked casually, but knowing that his words had effected her.
Sam stared down at Gilraen's sleeping face so that she wouldn't have to look at him. "Nothing. I just thought you might like to have a look around, you know, actually leave this room for a change." She tilted her head to the side and risked a glance at him, to see how her attempt at lightening the situation had faired.
Raising his eyebrows, Jack just stared up at her, not saying a word. But the look on his face made Sam deflate and she hung her head, her shoulder's drooping. "I'm sorry, Jack. It's just... I've forced myself not to think about that sort of stuff over the past months. I don't *want* to think about whether I'd rather be here or back home, because truthfully, I'm afraid of the answer." Her voice trailing off as she looked down at her sleeping daughter, a pained expression appeared on her face.
"And I can't think of it now, not with Gilraen. She's going to have to live in this place, Jack. She's going to grow up a child in a world filled with elves that are thousands of years old than her and me. And I've got to make that as easy for her as I can."
She didn't even notice Jack stand and, with Gilraen held expertly in one arm; reach out to lay a hand on her shoulder. Sam jerked at the touch, but when he gave a squeeze, she relaxed slightly. Looking up, they stared at each other, both filled with the pain of the separation they knew must come.
"Just don't let her forget me. Please, Sam."
His whispered, distressed words were all she needed, and careful of the baby between them, Sam went to him and let him gather her in his arms. And with the feel of him, the sensation that she had not allowed herself to forget over the past eight months, she felt the tears well up in her eyes and was powerless to stop them. Her head resting on his shoulder, she felt the arm that was not holding Gilraen go around her back and she breathed in deeply, remembering the smell of him, even with the elvish clothes he wore.
And then she promised him, in the only way she could, that their daughter would one day know both her parents, even if that fateful day were far coming.
****
Walking with Jack a short time later through the gardens of Lothlórien, Sam gave a soft sigh of contentment and was rewarded when he gave the hand he was swinging lightly between them a squeeze. In a comfortable silence that needed no words, the two new parents aimlessly wandered where the worn paths took them, while contemplating the past few hours.
Gilraen was still tucked in one of Jack's arms, and it seemed to Sam that he was quite happy to never let her go. Even now, as he gazed around him at the phenomenal sights that surrounded him, ever so often he would drop his gaze to the baby and just stare at her, as if he couldn't believe she was there, in his arms, sound asleep.
Every time she caught one of these glances Sam felt the pain slice through her heart at the thought of Jack having to give up his daughter when the time came. As she watched him, quite openly from his side, she privately thought to herself that it would have been kinder on the elves behalf to have never brought him here. At least then he wouldn't have the added burden he would now carry with him, always and forever. That somewhere out in the galaxy in a place he could not reach, his lover and child where living a life apart from him, never knowing when he would see them again.
With that thought, Sam closed her eyes and gave another sigh, but this one of regret and remorse.
"Don't, Sam," came a tired voice at her side and Sam gave a jump at the sound of it. Turning, she gazed at Jack with a slight frown, willing him to explain. But he only shook his head at her and catching a glimpse of his face, Sam was sorry to see how weary he suddenly looked.
"You can't go on thinking like that, it's only going to drive you nuts and I'm certainly not going to be blamed for driving you out of your mind if I'm not even here to do it." Tugging on her hand slightly, he lead her into one of the closed-in glens, and Sam got the shock of her life when she raised her eyes between the trees and saw the city below them. She hadn't known they had wandered so far.
Following her gaze, Jack put his spare hand around her shoulders and pulled her in next to him. Without really realising what she was doing, Sam moulded herself against his side and rested her head on his shoulder as together, they watched the early afternoon sun try desperately to pierce the dense trees that encircled Caras Galadhon.
"That really is a view." Jack murmured under his breath and Sam gave a small smile. She liked it up here; she had often made the trek earlier in her pregnancy to get away from everything and everyone down below. But as Gilraen had grown, Sam had found herself coming less and less, for there was no way she was going to try to drag her growing bulk up the hill. When Arwen had come to stay in Lothlórien two weeks ago in preparation of Gilraen's birth, the two women, at Sam's insistence, had gone around some of the smaller glens closer to the city for some time to themselves.
But now, as Sam looked around, she found that she had missed this place, in a strange, fond kind of way. She spied the group of boulders she had often sat on while writing letters to her friends, and on impulse, she began to drag Jack over to them. She caught the indulgent, bemused grin he sent her but ignored it, only coming to a stop to spread her hands across the nearest boulder, feeling the warmth from the stone float up her arms.
Turning her head, she grinned across at Jack, who was watching her with raised eyebrows. "You like this place, I take it?" And without waiting for her answer, he turned down to the sleeping baby and whispered loudly, "Your mummy's already loosing her marbles, and I haven't even left yet."
"That, Colonel O'Neill, is hardly a laughing matter."
At the unexpected voice, Sam jerked her head around in surprise and saw Arwen and Pènne walking across the glen to meet them. Both dark haired women had silver cloaks fastened at their necks with leaf broaches similar to the ones Sam had seen on Aragorn and Gandalf as they departed Lothlórien and Sam swallowed tightly at the sight of them.
Spying Jack go still at the sight of the two elves, and knowing what was going through his mind, Sam took a step away from the boulders. "Arwen?" she asked; her voice filled with question and the dread she knew would come with the answer.
Seeing the fear in both Earthlings eyes, Arwen came to her friend and took her hand. "It is time," was her only answer, but her eyes held the sorrow and sympathy that Sam needed to see. Her head turning in Jack's direction even before the words were out of Arwen's mouth, both soldiers stared at each other for a beat, not knowing what to do. They had known this moment must come, but at its arrival they both realised they were in no way ready for farewells.
Looking into Jack's dark eyes, and remembering the laughter and fun that had once played within their depths, but now only seeing the blank look of grief and regret, Sam wished for a single second that none of this had ever happened, that both of them were back at the SGC with Daniel, Teal'c and the others. That none of them had ever had to experience the pain and loss that they had, just so Sam and Gilraen could go on with the life away from the rest of them, in a place they didn't know existed.
In the end, and during the months and years to come, it was Pènne who would give both Sam and Jack the single source of comfort they would need, and that sense of peace came from the strangest of places.
Knowing that both parents were hurting, but knowing that they were fighting a loosing battle against time, the dark haired elf stepped around her mistress and laid a hand on Jack's forearm, successfully pulling his eyes away from his daughter. Giving the man a comforting smile, she told him gently, "Remember what gifts you have received from this place, Jack O'Neill, the actual as well as the memories."
Jack just blinked at her for a second, wondering what the hell she was talking about, his mind swimming in dangerous waters already. But then, in a sudden burst in recollection, the distressed man remembered the pouch she had given him shortly after his arrival, of what he had completely forgotten about until now. Taking his arm from under Pènne's, he shoved his free hand into the pockets of his robes and sure enough, when he withdrew his hand, the brown, drawstring pouch was clutched between his fingers.
Jack stared at it, his eyebrows raised, until he heard Sam's curious voice from beside him, "What the heck is that?" Wanting to find out the answer as much as she did, Jack gently and reluctantly passed Gilraen over to her mother and then attacked the drawstring. Tugging it open, he tipped its contents out into his hand and stared down at the object that was already warming against his skin.
It was a pendant about he size of his palm; a smooth, oval shaped stone in the most amazing shades of emerald and black swirls. At the top was a hole, in which thin gold threat had been interwoven, obviously for the intention of being placed around a person's neck.
Staring down at it, Jack felt Sam come up beside him and passed it over to her, wondering what her reaction to the necklace would be.
But she looked just as confused as he did, but strangely enough, it was as if she didn't want to hold it for any long period of time and as soon as she had looked it over as intently as she could, she quickly pressed the stone back into his hand with a clouded expression on her face.
But then it seemed that they were at last out of time, for Arwen and Pènne had once again joined them, and Jack saw the sad look on the elvish princess's face.
"I know you have questions, young one. But never fear, this gift will answer all for you in good time. It will be a comfort to you in times of sorrow and darkness. Use it well." Arwen's words were soft, and almost a dream to the suddenly wary man.
But as he felt his eyes grow heavy, he felt Sam place her hand in his, and he could still see her face, her calm, yet distressed face, and with it, the sleeping face of their child, safe within her arms. And it was at Gilraen at Jack managed to look last, and he knew, as he felt himself begin to fall into the darkness, that he would never forget her for as long as he breathed.
* * *
"Onen I-Estel Edain, ú-chebin estel anim"
(I gave Hope to the Dúnedain, I have kept no hope for myself)
- Gilraen the Fair, daughter of Dirhael, and mother of Aragorn Telcontar
****
In the months and years that followed, Jack O'Neill would always remember the moments that followed Gandalf's sudden, yet mischievous announcement as those in which the missing part of his heart and soul were finally netted back together. He would remember taking a huge breath as the words sank into his mind, before he felt the sudden shift of the air around him and knew without opening his eyes that they had arrived in this other, yet familiar, place.
Letting his eyes pop open, Jack instantly closed them again with a wince as he caught the full burst of a ray of sunlight from the window facing him. Moving slightly to evade the sun, he felt himself brush up against another and knew instantly it was Sam, standing next to him.
Opening his eyes again, yet slower and more cautiously this time, Jack was slightly disappointed to find himself in a room identical to the one he had just left. Right in front of him, tucked into the alcove as before, but with the curtain pulled back, was Sam's large, airy bed.
But Jack's brain only had a second to comprehend this notion, as his entire being was focused on the new, unknown figures all standing around Sam's bed. There were three of them, two females and a man, and all were tall and regal looking. Wondering who these people were, but knowing he was bound to find out in a few moments anyway, Jack's eyes drew immediately to the lovely young woman sitting on Sam's bed, her dark hair falling around her shoulders making her remind Jack instantly of Pènne.
Unlike her fair companions, both of which had turned immediately to Sam upon their small group's sudden arrival in the room, the dark haired woman instead fixed her startling blue eyes upon him and Jack found himself helpless to look away. Never had he seen such an exquisitely beautiful person, but under her piercing gaze he found himself being stripped of every protective barrier he had forced himself to place upon his mind over the past eight months.
But when the woman suddenly smiled at him gently, as if knowing what her gaze was doing to him, Jack found he could finally take the breath he desperately needed. And it was then, as the ebony haired creature dropped her gaze to her lap that Jack found his eyes following them and what he found make him suck in his breath loudly. In some part of him brain, he registered Sam dropping her hand to her side as she too, froze at his side where her outstretched hand had just been about to clasp the hand of the other blonde woman in the room, who Jack had failed to even glance at.
For contrasting against the dark haired woman's brilliant blue robes was a bundle of white cloth resting safely in her lap. Jack just stared at it for what he later would have sworn was a million years, unable to get his feet to move. As he failed to notice her moving at his side, he decided Sam was in the same situation he was and he almost jumped out of his skin when he felt a small, frozen hand snake into his own and squeeze tightly.
Glancing down at Sam's face, Jack was surprised to see a look of naked terror on her fair features as she stared across at the now twitching bundle in the lovely woman's lap.
"Samantha?" a voice drifted through the silence and Jack felt Sam jerk violently at his side as she snapped her head up to stare at the exotic woman sitting on her bed. At once her shoulder's seemed to droop and relief flashed across her face.
"Oh, god, Arwen." she murmured, and all at once her whole posture changed as she dropped her hand from Jack's and silently made her way across the floor. Jack stayed where he was, unable to tear his gaze off the thousand different emotions that were flitting across Sam's face.
He watched as she came to stand in front of the ebony haired woman he now knew was called Arwen and gazed down at the white bundle he knew contained their daughter. She stared for a few seconds, unblinking, before Jack noticed the tears falling from her eyes. Ever so slowly, Sam reached down and fingered the cloth hesitantly, as if she was afraid it was going to disappear. She gently drew the cloth aside and sucked in a breath when a flash of creamy pink skin came into view.
All at once, Sam lifted up her head and looked across at him, her eyes brimming, but with a watery smile on her face, and Jack didn't hesitate as he found himself walking over to the small group even without noticing his legs were moving.
When he reached them, he peered over Sam's shoulder and gazed down at the sleeping, wrinkly face of his daughter and Jack would have sworn to the pope himself that there wasn't anything more beautiful in the entire galaxy. Putting a shaking hand on Sam's shoulder, he barely noticed her leaning back against his chest as they both continued to stare down at the flushed, pink face that they had made.
"Well done, Sam," he found himself whispering in the blonde woman's ear without really realizing what he was saying. "Well done."
She must have given some kind of disbelieving laugh in reply for the sudden sound rebounded through the silent room and Jack watched as the baby scrunched up her face, seemingly annoyed at being disturbed, and open her eyes to the world.
They were as blue as the Atlantic, and even Jack, who had been through this before and knew that all babies were born with blue eyes, found himself blinking tears out of his own eyes at the sight. Sam got down on her knees beside Arwen, and brushing the cloth away so her whole face was visible, peered down into the tiny face as if she couldn't believe what she was seeing.
"She's got eyes like me." the blonde woman murmured in a disbelieving tone, and jerked out of her daze when both Jack and Arwen laughed at her words.
Snapping her head up, the two women stared at each other for the fraction of a second before Sam clumsily leaned up on her knees and reached over to embrace the woman sitting on her bed, cocooning the baby between them. Jack watched them, a slight smile on his face, as Sam whispered loudly, "Thank you so much, Arwen. Thank you from the bottom of my heart." And Jack got the sudden feeling that she was thanking her for something quite other than looking after the baby while they had been gone.
Pulling back, the exotic woman reached across and cupping the side of Sam's face, telling her in a gentle voice, "It is nothing, my friend. Use it well." Then she raised her azure eyes and again trained them on Jack's face. And the look she gave him spoke more than any words could.
Just then, a voice broke through the silence. "So, young ones, have you a name for this youngster, or are we to call it anything or nothing until you decide?"
Flashing a look in Gandalf's direction, Jack instead found himself staring at the two other new figures in the room, which before now, he hadn't taken much notice of. And now, somewhere in his mind, he wondered how he could have ever failed to heed them. Both wore layers of long silver robes and standing together, just out of the intimate circle of the new family and the dark haired Arwen, they looked to Jack like a pair of golden, grave angels.
What was it with these people, he asked himself, that makes them so beautiful, yet so sad? Their eyes were ageless, gentle, kind, but cold as the dawn. And as he stood there, in elvish clothes similar to their own, he found himself under the gaze of the woman, and swore he found stars sparkling with her cerulean depths. Of the four of their kind who he had beheld, only Pènne and Arwen had the flash of youth within their eyes and he wondered at it, wondered at what made the dark haired women so different from the others of their kind.
With the thought of Pènne, Jack tore his gaze from the blonde woman, and searched the room for his deliverer, but she was nowhere to be seen.
"Pènne has gone to find one who should also be here, yet had wandered off with time." Looking across at the blonde woman who had just spoken, he found her still facing ahead, but gazing at him out of the corner of her eyes, and Jack got the feeling that her words were for him only.
Giving his head a quick shake to clear it, he went back to Arwen and Sam, who were still pouring over the baby. Sitting next to Arwen on the bed, he glanced down at Sam with a smile, seeing that she had the baby on her lap. "Well?" he asked her, causing everyone in the room to regard him keenly. "Have you thought of a name?"
With his words, Gandalf banked his staff on the ground a few times and nodded his head in approval. "A fine question, young man, a fine question in deed. But will we get an answer this time, Samantha, or will you and the Lady Arwen continue to stare at the young miracle until night falls?"
Sam finally looked up and Jack was pleased to see the joy in her eyes. Even thought her words were for all, she wouldn't take her eyes away from his as she spoke. "Yes, actually. I had thought of a name." She spoke softly, yet assured. Sitting on the ground, cross-legged, the bundle was cushioned in her lap and one of her hands was absently brushing the soft material protectively. The other hand reached up and gathered one of Jack's.
"I want her to have a name that recognizes where she truly comes from, where her parents come from." Pausing, she looked up at Gandalf, and gave the man a gentle smile. "For she will know one day that she is American in name, if not in birth. But she's got to have a name that also recognizes she is part of Middle-Earth, and always will be, even if one day we both go back to our world."
Still looking at Gandalf, Sam trailed off, giving the others time to process her words. But Jack, who had already expected her to say something like this, was first to see the door on the far side of the room silently open and two figures slip though. Looking up, he recognized Pènne first, and smiling, he had just been about to call out a greeting when he caught sight of the man with her.
The first thing Jack noticed was he was not the same kind as Arwen and the others and that he appeared as human as he and Gandalf did. But there was something about him, a raw, rugged power that made the Colonel frown. Dressed in dark green and brown, he looked more out of place in the room than anybody else, yet the way he held himself, the proud tilt of his chin and straight back, identified him as one of them.
Not knowing if he should say anything about their new guest, Jack kept quiet, waiting for something to greet the man whom he guessed was Aragorn. He didn't have to wait long for Arwen's eyes lit up as she glimpsed the man standing off to the side, and she quickly stood, alerting everyone of his arrival.
"Aragorn, my friend!" Gandalf cried, turning his head and beckoning the silent man over. "Where have you hailed from? We expected your return an age ago! Come, behold what you have missed!"
Following the sweep of Gandalf's arm, Aragorn's eyes fell on Jack and his eyebrows rose in slight surprise. The two men stared at each other for a few seconds, both making their own conclusions, before Aragorn abruptly took a step forward and surprised the hell out of Jack by extending his hand in greeting, a warm smile on his face.
"Greetings, Jack O'Neill." Aragorn said as Jack resolutely took his outstretched hand, his voice firm, yet kind. "Welcome to Middle-Earth and Lothlórien. I have heard much of you from Samantha, and was looking forward to meeting you at last. I trust you found everything to your liking?"
Perplexed, Jack nodded and shot a quick glance at Sam, who was watching the exchange with a barely contained smile. Catching his eye, she raised her eyebrows in question, but Jack read the challenge in her blue eyes. Frowning at her, he turned back to Aragorn and shrugged.
"Sure, I like this place just fine. It would be nice to know a bit more about where it exactly is in the scheme of things, but apart from that I've got no complaints." Unable to stop the grin that appeared on his face, Jack jerked his head in the direction of the two women by the bed. "Sam was just about to tell us what name she had picked out for the baby and I think certain people are getting a bit antsy." This last bit was complemented with a quick glance at Gandalf.
Grinning broadly, Aragorn walked over to Sam and Arwen and gazed down at the now sleeping baby, his hand reaching out to grasp Arwen's in the process as all three of them regarded the child. Sam looked up at him with a bright smile. "It's so good to have you back, Aragorn. You've been missed." He didn't give her a response, only resting a hand on her shoulder for a beat and giving it a warm squeeze. The moment gone, both went back to gazing down at the baby.
"Gilraen." Sam suddenly murmured, causing everyone, especially Aragorn, to turn to her in question. Looking up, she blinked to find everyone's eyes on her and blushed slightly when she realised she must have spoken out loud.
Turning her face up to Aragorn's, she bit her lip in worry. "Would you mind terribly?" she asked softly, as if apprehensive of his answer. But she found she shouldn't have bothered, for Aragorn's response was everything she could have hoped for. He stared down at the baby with a look of wonder in his eyes, as if seeing her in a new light. Lightly brushing the soft, fair down on the baby's head, he turned to the new mother and smiled.
"You do not only my mother, but all my kin a great honor, dear friend. I am sure she would be immensely proud for her name to be carried on in your daughter." Turning, Aragorn gazed across at Jack, who had been listening to the conversation intensely.
"But what of you, Colonel?" The man asked, a grin growing on his lips. "Will you not lay claim to half of this child's calling?"
Leaning forward, he rested his elbows on the bed and made a show of critically examining the sleeping infant, causing Sam to laugh. "I don't know, Sam. I can't think of any fancy names for her, I reckon Gilraen is just fine." Looking up, he caught Aragorn's eye and held it. "And I happen to agree, she should have a name that symbolizes both her homes. And your mother's name seems to fit her, don't you think?"
Looking down again at the baby, a thought struck Jack that made him frown in consideration. "How about Gilraen Cheyenne, Sam?" he asked, looking up at everyone to see their reaction for a few seconds before turning back to Sam. He was pleased to see a wide smile on her face as his words registered. He saw her lips mouthing the words as if trying them out. Then see looked up brightly and beamed.
"Gilraen Cheyenne O'Neill," she said. "I love it. It's beautiful." And before Jack knew what was happening, Sam gracefully stood from the floor, Gilraen still in her arms. Walking past Arwen and Aragorn, she bent down on her knees before him and gently rested the bundle on his lap, peering up into his face while doing so.
Looking down, Jack stared into the baby's face, taking in every little feature and ever millimeter of flushed, pink skin. Reaching up, he lightly brushed her little, upturned nose causing the sleeping child to scrunch up her features in annoyance.
"Well." Gandalf's voice broke through the pleasant haze. "I think we should leave the new parents with their babe for a while. I can see when I am no longer wanted nor needed."
Coming closer, the old Wizard in turned peered down at Gilraen and Sam was touched to see his worn features soften every so slightly. Bending down, Gandalf gently kissed the top of Sam's blonde head before straightening up and lightly ruffling her growing hair. "Gilraen is a fine name, Samantha. It is both refined and strong, and if she is anything like her namesake, which I am sure she will be, little Gilraen is sure to go far."
And with that, before a touched Sam could even utter a reply, he had turned and headed for the door. Both Sam and Jack followed his progress across the room and blinked when they noticed a figure hovering in the doorway. Pènne had a calm, peaceful expression on her face when she turned to face them and Sam had the feeling that the last few minutes had had more of an effect on the stoic elf that she was willing to admit.
But when she spoke, her voice had the usual strong, clear tones it always had. "My conditions still stand, Jack O'Neill. I will come for you when you must return to your other world. I suggest you use your time together as best you can." And on that note, she silently walked through the doorway, pulling the wooden door closed gently as she went.
Left alone, silence filled the now empty room as the new family found themselves together for the first time. Feeling suddenly very shy, Sam hesitantly stole a look up at Jack's face from where she still knelt at his feet. Feeling his heavy gaze on her even before their eyes meet, Sam blushed as the full extent of Pènne's words hit her forcefully.
"She didn't mean, ah, that is.." Feeling her face get even hotter, Sam looked down, not wanting him to see her this way. But the sound of his laughter caused her to frown and peak up at him through her hair. He was grinning broadly while looking around him with avid, curious eyes.
Without looking at her, Jack said dryly, "Don't worry about it, Sam. I'm not as thick as I seem sometimes, I got what she was trying to say."
A tad discontented, Sam nodded. "Oh. Good." Her voice held a trace of disappointment but Jack either didn't notice or ignored it for he just went back to examining Gilraen.
"So do you like it here?" he asked her abruptly, causing Sam to blink with the random question. Wondering if there was more to what he was saying that meets the eye, Sam answered him carefully, while in turn looking around her bedroom with a soft smile.
"Sure," she answered, shrugging her shoulders. "Lothlórien's a wonderful place. I mean, if you have to be stuck somewhere for eight months without anyone you know, this is definitely the way to go." Feeling Jack's eyes boring into her head, she looked up into his face and tried to give him a smile.
"It's not home, Jack," she said softly, wanting him to understand how she felt on the matter. And Sam found that her words were exactly what he seemingly needed, for the man let out a huge breath of air and a flash of relief showed on his face.
Feeling the old companionship they use to share bubbling at the surface, Sam snorted and reached up to swat his arm. "For a man who says he's not as thick as everyone thinks he is, you can be an extreme idiot sometimes."
But Jack only shrugged his shoulders, not about to apologize for anything. "What was I meant to think? I mean, you've got all these fancy friends and stuff, and those clothes! You look right at home with them, Sam, even if you don't seem to realize it."
Not really liking where his words were going, Sam abruptly stood, causing Gilraen to give a start and Jack to crane his neck to see her face. "What's up?" he asked casually, but knowing that his words had effected her.
Sam stared down at Gilraen's sleeping face so that she wouldn't have to look at him. "Nothing. I just thought you might like to have a look around, you know, actually leave this room for a change." She tilted her head to the side and risked a glance at him, to see how her attempt at lightening the situation had faired.
Raising his eyebrows, Jack just stared up at her, not saying a word. But the look on his face made Sam deflate and she hung her head, her shoulder's drooping. "I'm sorry, Jack. It's just... I've forced myself not to think about that sort of stuff over the past months. I don't *want* to think about whether I'd rather be here or back home, because truthfully, I'm afraid of the answer." Her voice trailing off as she looked down at her sleeping daughter, a pained expression appeared on her face.
"And I can't think of it now, not with Gilraen. She's going to have to live in this place, Jack. She's going to grow up a child in a world filled with elves that are thousands of years old than her and me. And I've got to make that as easy for her as I can."
She didn't even notice Jack stand and, with Gilraen held expertly in one arm; reach out to lay a hand on her shoulder. Sam jerked at the touch, but when he gave a squeeze, she relaxed slightly. Looking up, they stared at each other, both filled with the pain of the separation they knew must come.
"Just don't let her forget me. Please, Sam."
His whispered, distressed words were all she needed, and careful of the baby between them, Sam went to him and let him gather her in his arms. And with the feel of him, the sensation that she had not allowed herself to forget over the past eight months, she felt the tears well up in her eyes and was powerless to stop them. Her head resting on his shoulder, she felt the arm that was not holding Gilraen go around her back and she breathed in deeply, remembering the smell of him, even with the elvish clothes he wore.
And then she promised him, in the only way she could, that their daughter would one day know both her parents, even if that fateful day were far coming.
****
Walking with Jack a short time later through the gardens of Lothlórien, Sam gave a soft sigh of contentment and was rewarded when he gave the hand he was swinging lightly between them a squeeze. In a comfortable silence that needed no words, the two new parents aimlessly wandered where the worn paths took them, while contemplating the past few hours.
Gilraen was still tucked in one of Jack's arms, and it seemed to Sam that he was quite happy to never let her go. Even now, as he gazed around him at the phenomenal sights that surrounded him, ever so often he would drop his gaze to the baby and just stare at her, as if he couldn't believe she was there, in his arms, sound asleep.
Every time she caught one of these glances Sam felt the pain slice through her heart at the thought of Jack having to give up his daughter when the time came. As she watched him, quite openly from his side, she privately thought to herself that it would have been kinder on the elves behalf to have never brought him here. At least then he wouldn't have the added burden he would now carry with him, always and forever. That somewhere out in the galaxy in a place he could not reach, his lover and child where living a life apart from him, never knowing when he would see them again.
With that thought, Sam closed her eyes and gave another sigh, but this one of regret and remorse.
"Don't, Sam," came a tired voice at her side and Sam gave a jump at the sound of it. Turning, she gazed at Jack with a slight frown, willing him to explain. But he only shook his head at her and catching a glimpse of his face, Sam was sorry to see how weary he suddenly looked.
"You can't go on thinking like that, it's only going to drive you nuts and I'm certainly not going to be blamed for driving you out of your mind if I'm not even here to do it." Tugging on her hand slightly, he lead her into one of the closed-in glens, and Sam got the shock of her life when she raised her eyes between the trees and saw the city below them. She hadn't known they had wandered so far.
Following her gaze, Jack put his spare hand around her shoulders and pulled her in next to him. Without really realising what she was doing, Sam moulded herself against his side and rested her head on his shoulder as together, they watched the early afternoon sun try desperately to pierce the dense trees that encircled Caras Galadhon.
"That really is a view." Jack murmured under his breath and Sam gave a small smile. She liked it up here; she had often made the trek earlier in her pregnancy to get away from everything and everyone down below. But as Gilraen had grown, Sam had found herself coming less and less, for there was no way she was going to try to drag her growing bulk up the hill. When Arwen had come to stay in Lothlórien two weeks ago in preparation of Gilraen's birth, the two women, at Sam's insistence, had gone around some of the smaller glens closer to the city for some time to themselves.
But now, as Sam looked around, she found that she had missed this place, in a strange, fond kind of way. She spied the group of boulders she had often sat on while writing letters to her friends, and on impulse, she began to drag Jack over to them. She caught the indulgent, bemused grin he sent her but ignored it, only coming to a stop to spread her hands across the nearest boulder, feeling the warmth from the stone float up her arms.
Turning her head, she grinned across at Jack, who was watching her with raised eyebrows. "You like this place, I take it?" And without waiting for her answer, he turned down to the sleeping baby and whispered loudly, "Your mummy's already loosing her marbles, and I haven't even left yet."
"That, Colonel O'Neill, is hardly a laughing matter."
At the unexpected voice, Sam jerked her head around in surprise and saw Arwen and Pènne walking across the glen to meet them. Both dark haired women had silver cloaks fastened at their necks with leaf broaches similar to the ones Sam had seen on Aragorn and Gandalf as they departed Lothlórien and Sam swallowed tightly at the sight of them.
Spying Jack go still at the sight of the two elves, and knowing what was going through his mind, Sam took a step away from the boulders. "Arwen?" she asked; her voice filled with question and the dread she knew would come with the answer.
Seeing the fear in both Earthlings eyes, Arwen came to her friend and took her hand. "It is time," was her only answer, but her eyes held the sorrow and sympathy that Sam needed to see. Her head turning in Jack's direction even before the words were out of Arwen's mouth, both soldiers stared at each other for a beat, not knowing what to do. They had known this moment must come, but at its arrival they both realised they were in no way ready for farewells.
Looking into Jack's dark eyes, and remembering the laughter and fun that had once played within their depths, but now only seeing the blank look of grief and regret, Sam wished for a single second that none of this had ever happened, that both of them were back at the SGC with Daniel, Teal'c and the others. That none of them had ever had to experience the pain and loss that they had, just so Sam and Gilraen could go on with the life away from the rest of them, in a place they didn't know existed.
In the end, and during the months and years to come, it was Pènne who would give both Sam and Jack the single source of comfort they would need, and that sense of peace came from the strangest of places.
Knowing that both parents were hurting, but knowing that they were fighting a loosing battle against time, the dark haired elf stepped around her mistress and laid a hand on Jack's forearm, successfully pulling his eyes away from his daughter. Giving the man a comforting smile, she told him gently, "Remember what gifts you have received from this place, Jack O'Neill, the actual as well as the memories."
Jack just blinked at her for a second, wondering what the hell she was talking about, his mind swimming in dangerous waters already. But then, in a sudden burst in recollection, the distressed man remembered the pouch she had given him shortly after his arrival, of what he had completely forgotten about until now. Taking his arm from under Pènne's, he shoved his free hand into the pockets of his robes and sure enough, when he withdrew his hand, the brown, drawstring pouch was clutched between his fingers.
Jack stared at it, his eyebrows raised, until he heard Sam's curious voice from beside him, "What the heck is that?" Wanting to find out the answer as much as she did, Jack gently and reluctantly passed Gilraen over to her mother and then attacked the drawstring. Tugging it open, he tipped its contents out into his hand and stared down at the object that was already warming against his skin.
It was a pendant about he size of his palm; a smooth, oval shaped stone in the most amazing shades of emerald and black swirls. At the top was a hole, in which thin gold threat had been interwoven, obviously for the intention of being placed around a person's neck.
Staring down at it, Jack felt Sam come up beside him and passed it over to her, wondering what her reaction to the necklace would be.
But she looked just as confused as he did, but strangely enough, it was as if she didn't want to hold it for any long period of time and as soon as she had looked it over as intently as she could, she quickly pressed the stone back into his hand with a clouded expression on her face.
But then it seemed that they were at last out of time, for Arwen and Pènne had once again joined them, and Jack saw the sad look on the elvish princess's face.
"I know you have questions, young one. But never fear, this gift will answer all for you in good time. It will be a comfort to you in times of sorrow and darkness. Use it well." Arwen's words were soft, and almost a dream to the suddenly wary man.
But as he felt his eyes grow heavy, he felt Sam place her hand in his, and he could still see her face, her calm, yet distressed face, and with it, the sleeping face of their child, safe within her arms. And it was at Gilraen at Jack managed to look last, and he knew, as he felt himself begin to fall into the darkness, that he would never forget her for as long as he breathed.