After an extremely long hiatus, I bring you… THE SORCERESS BRIDE!!! Mwa! Now, sally forth and enjoy thyself, and mind the childish writing style. Tis all part of the fun.
X*X*X*X*X*Being jerked about by one arm is simply not conducive to balance.
Lina cried out in frustration every time she stumbled, which was quite often seeing as she was being dragged about by the Mysterious Masked Man and constantly tripping over her long skirt. She would really have to speak to Valgarv about this whole dress thing… And the shoes! What she wouldn't give for some nice, flat, boots- her feet freakin' HURT! They had been running for L-sama knows how long to L-sama knows where and the only thing that Lina managed to reason thus was that they weren't heading for Zephilia.
"You're…hurting…ME!" the red head snarled, finally having enough. She pulled back hard from his grip, but to her dismay, her hand remained firmly lodged in his. Frustrated over his natural man-strength she silently vowed that there would be a Dragon Slave for the history books in a day or two.
He glanced back at her, and she stopped struggling in surprise. His eyes… he wasn't human!
Smiling, he casually threw the small woman to the ground. "Rest then," Mysterious Masked Man chirped, rather politely.
"Fine way to treat a lady!" Lina huffed, shaking her hand. "Ruffians, all of you!"
"Ruffians?" The man considered the word a bit before giggling darkly. (Giggle… Darkly… does that even make any sense in context?) At any rate, it was creepy. "That's rich, coming from you, cutie-pie. Aren't you the chick who terrorizes bandit camps for fun?"
"Don't call me that, ass!" Lina snapped, turning as red as her hair… and eyes… and dress… When Lina put her mind to it, she pulled off a damn fine lobster impression. "And as part of the royal family, I have to keep the peace," she added as an afterthought.
"Sure, if by keeping the peace you mean leveling small towns and scaring wild dragons."
"IDIOT!!" Her right hook raced for his head.
He caught her hand, still obviously amused. "That wasn't very nice. I did, after all, best the last of your kidnappers with my fine wit."
"You cheated!"
"Rather cleverly."
Shaking her head, she again tried to remove her hand from his. She failed. Damn man-strength. "Stop staring at me."
"But I'm talking to you."
"Your eyes have slit pupils!"
"Yours are red."
"Hey! That is a perfectly common eye color!"
"For demons."
"You should talk." Truth be told, he was making her very, very uncomfortable. Lina wasn't much of a touchy-feely person, and her personal space bubble was being encroached upon. Besides, she couldn't take violet eyes… they just reminded her of what she lost when Xelloss left her.
"Look," she sighed, somewhat defeated. "I'm sure you feel pretty good about yourself, defeating Eris and her goonies and all that, but you should know that Prince Val is probably right behind us."
"And what makes you think that?" He slid closer.
"Arms length, mister!" He pulled her against himself. No respect for personal space. "'What makes me think that?' You mean besides the fact that the Prince is the greatest hunter this world has seen? Don't you know anything, idiot? Lord Valgarv has the blood of Ancients running through his veins. The man is a descendent of Dragons- I'm sure he'll have no trouble detecting the likes of you."
"I see." His breath tickled her ear, moving across her cheek to her lips. Lina forgot to breathe somewhere along the line. "You have faith that your love will save you?"
This man knew how to ruin a mood. "I never said that he was my love, you presumptive son of a mango! Don't put words in my mouth! And yes, he will find me, and when he does, you'll be drawn and quartered by the four slowest horses in the kingdom!"
"Zowie! Sounds like fun!" he cheered, releasing her and plopping onto the grass. Lina sweatdropped. This man was few fries short of a jovial meal™.
"At any rate, why should I worry?" He placed his arms behind his head in a carefree manner, obviously not bothered by the fact she might try to escape. He spent a few moments appreciating the sky before continuing. "I only see an impetuous woman who would spit out deceit to save her own skin. Why should I trust what you say?"
"I have told you no lies!"
"No, but you've admitted that you do not love your bridegroom. What kind of fiancée doesn't love her intended?"
"I don't and why should I?"
"Women of your size aren't usually so picky."
She was going to kiiiillllll him when she got her magic back! "I'll have you know that I did lo… lov… REALLY LIKE someone once! (1)"
"Really?" He rolled over on his stomach and gazed up at her, head in hands, feet kicking the air. "Tell, me, was he some kind of disfigured freak? Made of stone, perhaps?"
X*X*X*X*X*Somewhere, in another reality, Zelgadiss sneezed.
X*X*X*X*X*"No, he was perfect." Lina looked away, her mind reeling. Who did this guy think he was? And why wouldn't he take that damn mask off. He was obviously mazoku, so why bother with…
Wait.
Mazoku?
Lina turned around and appraised her "savior" again. Mazoku. Mysterious. Cruel. Dressed like a pirate. "You're the Dreaded Pirate Gaav, aren't you?"
"As clever as your eyes are demonic, I see," he grinned, shooting up to shake her hand.
"Why don't you," *shake, shake* "take a spoon," *shake, shake* "And GOUGE AN 'X' WHERE YOU WANT ME TO START TEARING YOU APART WITH VARIOUS BLUNT OBJECTS, YOU LOVER-KILLING SPAWN OF HELL!!"
X*X*X*X*X*Phibby sneezed.
X*X*X*X*X*
"That's harsh," he dropped her hand, feelings apparently hurt. "Who did you say I killed? Your lover?" He scratched his chin. "You know, it is possible, I do kill a lot of people… what was his name."
"YOU KILLED XELLOSS! YOU BASTARD!"
"Xelloss?" He dodged her attempt to claw out his eyeballs. "Oh, that's right, I remember him. Strikingly handsome, wasn't he? A dashing example of fine man delectables, if I do say so myself. Yes, I remember boarding his ship, and I remember his fight for survival." He sidestepped her heeled foot. "Oh, what an example of a man! Bet he was a lion in the sack, wasn't he?" Lina's fist finally connected with the Masked Man's Mysterious gut. "Urggn. Yes, I guess that was a bit inappropriate. Anyway, before I chopped his head off, he told me of the woman he wanted to return to…"
The black clad man grabbed Lina's fist as she tried to follow up on her earlier punch, and twisted her arm behind her back. "I can only assume that he meant you," he whispered into her ear. "Be thankful that I killed him before he realized what a harlot you really are." So saying, he shoved her to the ground, turning away from her. "What could have possibly possessed him to fall for someone with your figure, anyway?"
If Lina had been in her right mind, she might have noticed the bitter sadness in his voice. Indeed, if she might have noticed a lot of things that were familiar about the Mysterious Masked Man, she was a very bright girl. But as it was, Lina wasn't in her right mind- not only was she facing Xelloss' murderer, she was hungry, and dirty and cold, and for Zephilia's sake SHE WANTED A BATH!
So it should be of no surprise to anyone that she slapped the Mysterious Mask Man as hard as she possibly could. And that was very, very hard. Let there be a moment of pity for the fellow.
This seemed to offend him more than the other blows, attempted or otherwise. He trapped her between a nearby rock and his own body, hands on either side of her head. "There are penalties where I come from, eminence, when a woman lies." His face was only an inch from hers, his lips resting a breath's distance from her own. "But the next time, could you do that a bit harder?"
Before she could sputter some indignation or another, trumpets flared in the background. The mysterious man stiffened, releasing Lina to have a better look at the approaching entourage; perhaps the prince-whelp really was descended from dragons. Mysterious Masked Man frowned at the implications.
Lina forced herself to breathe slowly, hand on chest. Valgarv was on his way. Soon this would be over.
"I think your rest is over," he said wryly, his back still to her. Lina seethed. His voice held no emotion, no anger, and no residue of what just transpired. How dare he show such feeling and pretend it never happened? How dare he deny the…
…Electricity…
…ANIMOSITY between them? No one ignored Lina Inverse.
The black clad man was so close to the incline of the steep hill... So close… and he was preoccupied with Valgarv's incoming party. It would be so easy.
"Why don't you," she was next to him quicker than anyone would have given her credit for "GO TO HELL!" She shoved him as hard as she could, smiling in grim satisfaction as he began his long tumble down to the ravine below.
"So- OW!! -re, w-w-w-Wheeeee!- wa HIMITSU~U~U~U DE~SU!!" he called, somersaulting along his not so merry way.
"Himitsu desu?" Lina blinked. "Fruitcake? Xelloss? XELLOSS!!" She stamped her foot, incredibly angry and relieved all at the same time. "GET BACK HERE YOU FRUITY BASTARD! RAY WING!"
Unfortunately for our lovely sorceress she had forgotten one important thing: That Time of the Month = No Magic. And so…
"OW! Oof! Owwwwwwaaaaa."
Some considerable moments later, they both managed to reach the bottom. Trust me, you wouldn't believe how steep or how long this hill was, it was freaking amazing, it…
Ahem. So they both reached the bottom. And lo, Lina was instantly, up, devoting her "care" and "attention" on her thought-to-be-dead lover.
"You." *SMACK!* "Evil." *PUNCH!* "FRUITCAKE!!" *KICK*
"I'm-OW-sorry, but-hey! I was angry and- GAH!! BE CAREFUL WOMAN, THOSE ARE DELICATE PLACES!!"
She stopped, peering down into his eyes and ripping his mask off. "Don't you 'woman' me."
Xelloss did what any self-respecting man would do in the same situation. He eeped. "Yes, ma'am."
"Why did you lie? Why were you so hateful?" Lina was quiet now, her hair a delicate red curtain about them both.
He shifted. "You're engaged, Lina. I was angry. Me jealous man. Why didn't you wait?"
"Xelloss, I was told you were dead."
"I got better."
"I can see that." She shifted around till she was sitting next to his prone form.
He sat up, looking down at his hands while she played with the hem of her dress. "Are you not happy to see me?"
"I lived in hell for five years," she said softly. "All this time, you were alive? No word, no hint, nothing? You hurt me so much… I want to shake you until your head pops off."
"So, I'll take it as a yes?"
Her only response was to tackle him again and-
X*X*X*X*X*
"MOTHER!" Phibrizo cried, ducking under his Thundercats sheets.
"What?" She asked, clearly annoyed.
He peeked up at her, betrayal in his weird lime-green eyes. "No kissing. That's gross, enough, but the two of them…" He shuddered.
"You May Not Mind So Much When You're Older."
"Bollocks."
"Language. Okay, No Kissing. Where Were We Then…"
X*X*X*X*X*
"Highness, we've lost sight of them," Zangulus reported, drawing nearer to his prince.
Val appraised the area with his keen vision, raising an eyebrow at the oddly crushed grass down the hill. "They're heading east, into the Swamp of Very Icky Things. We'll wait for them on the other side."
"With all due respect my lord, no one has ever survived."
"You don't know my fiancée like I do, Zangulus. Onward, men!" the prince yelled, urging his horse to go faster.
X*X*X*X*X*
The two lovers ran as quickly as possible, hand in hand, through the ravine. "Xelloss, you realize we can't outrun him without magic, and using magic will just alert his senses even more, right?"
"Don't worry, we'll loose them in there!" He pointed.
"Fruitcake! That the Swamp of Very Icky Things! No one has ever survived in there!"
"Silly girl, you're just saying that because no one has."
"Exactly!"
"Now, Lina-chan, if everyone jumped off of a bridge, would you?"
"No."
"Exactly, so don't be like everyone else. Be an individual! Survive."
She whapped him upside the head. "Fruitcake."
"Oh, Lina-chan, I LOVE it when you act dirty."
"You are so annoying."
Notes: 1) Lina would never admit to loving anyone, now would she?