Chapter 12: Intertwined
Rachel was practicing scales on the piano at home when there was a knock on the door. She wasn't sure who it could be, she wasn't expecting company and her dad's were gone for the weekend. She'd offered for her girlfriends to come over but both Mrs.Lopez and Mrs.Pierce weren't comfortable with Brittany or Santana being away from adult supervision. She'd been over Friday night but gone home to sleep- she'd finally gotten her license and she was tired of her nightly routine being interrupted by them. Rachel opened the door, expecting Jehovah's Witnesses or some other religious group to be standing there and found Quinn, bundled up tightly in a winter coat.
"What are you doing here?" Rachel asked, letting the girl inside "How did you get here?"
"I walked." Quinn shrugged off her coat and hung it on the rack by the door- apparently she planned on staying awhile.
"It's barely above freezing today" Rachel fussed over Quinn, making sure she hadn't frozen to death on her walk over. "What were you thinking?"
"Uh, that I was tired of watching Brittany and Santana make out to cure their sadness?" Quinn scoffed "Aren't you happy to see me?"
"Of course I am- wait what are they doing?" Rachel raised an eyebrow.
"Santana told Brittany that her kisses are essentially a cure-all drug, so anytime Santana acts even the slightest bit sad, even if she's reacting to a movie, Brittany kisses her. And then it dissolves into a makeout session." Quinn explains.
"So you were feeling left out and wanted to get your own kisses?" Rachel asks "Hate to break it to you, but I'm not really in the mood."
"I didn't come over with that in mind. I actually thought we could just spend the day together doing some cute innocent romantic thing." the blonde says "But if you'd rather keep practicing scales alone I'll go."
"No, no. I'm sorry I'm being such a grouch Q." Rachel says "Just hormones."
"Why didn't you say something sooner?" Quinn asks- Rachel's dads usually take care of her endlessly during that time of the month, but they are gone.
"I didn't want to bother anyone with such a silly problem." Rachel sits down as her cramps return. She'd had a small break but they were back.
"It's not a bother. Let me take care of you." Quinn insists and Rachel really doesn't want to argue.
"Okay well, for starters, I'm gonna go lay down on the couch. Rachel makes her way to the couch which is covered in towels. Quinn knows Rachel's cramps are sometimes so bad she can't move, so these must be her extra layer of protection. Quinn helps her get situated and hands her the TV remote before covering her in the throw blanket. It feels drafty in the Berry house and she wonders how Rachel isn't cold. She almost wants to put her jacket back on.
"Aren't you cold?" Quinn asks and Rachel shrugs "Why isn't the heater on?"
"My dads don't like to run it. They say it's bad for the voice. Dries out the air. They usually light the fireplace in here when it gets this cold, but I don't know how to. It's not electric like Brittany's." Rachel sighs. Quinn can't believe Rachel hasn't lit a fire before, and it's not even a difficult one. Her dad's have Duraflame Fire Logs stacked by the fireplace and a lighter. All you really need is to put the log in and light it. Quinn does so and Rachel thanks her softly.
"Can I get you something else? A hot water bottle, tea, glass of water, or Midol?" Quinn asks.
"You don't have to do this Q." Rachel says "I'll be okay." Quinn knows the girls lying by the way she's wincing and holding her stomach.
"I like taking care of people. Let me." Quinn pleads and Rachel surrenders, accepting all the aforementioned offers. Not long after she's finished her tea the diva falls asleep. Quinn makes sure her neck is supported properly before sneaking into the kitchen to try and cook a warm meal for them. The fridge is packed to the brim with fresh fruit and veggies. Quinn notices a note on the fridge from Rachel's dads.
Dear Rachel
We're sorry about our last minute trip this weekend. We didn't have any time to prepare any food, but we bought all your favorites. Hopefully your girlfriends can take care of you. The recipe for tomato soup is in the box on the counter- we know it's the only thing that makes you feel better. Call us if you need anything.
Dad and Papa
Quinn sees the recipe and reads it over. It seems simple enough. She's never made soup before, but there's a first time for everything. She checks on Rachel before she gets started and finds that she is out like a light. She changes the channel to soft piano music and goes back to the kitchen. It's a good thing she'd spent time cooking for herself and been helping Mrs.Lopez recently. She diced veggies and slowly but surely made a thick warm tomato soup. It was surprisingly good. She toasted some bread and spread some vegan butter on it and filled two bowls. She set them on the table and went to wake Rachel. She gently kissed the divas forehead and sleepy brown eyes fluttered open.
"What time is it?" Rachel asked.
"Lunch time." Quinn answered vaguely "About one in the afternoon. I made you soup."
"Soup?" Rachel asks and Quinn nods "Like from a can?"
"No silly. I followed your dad's recipe. They left it on the counter. They left you a note on the fridge. Have you eaten since last night?" Rachel shook her head- she has been too nauseous to have breakfast that morning. Quinn shook her head "See, you do need someone to take care of you. Come on. It's waiting on the table." Rachel pushed herself up from the couch with a groan. Quinn noticed a small spot on the towel. She didn't tell Rachel yet, wanting her to eat, but she made sure the towel on the girl's chair was folded to be thicker.
"I can't believe you made me tomato soup. My dads spent years figuring out the perfect vegan recipe for it. Thank you." she says.
"It was my pleasure. It's actually really good. I hope it's as good as usual." Quinn blushes shyly.
"Better. There's way more love in this one." Rachel assures. Quinn blushes as red as the soup and focuses on her bowl. Once Rachel is done, Quinn lets her know about her little problem. "Q, I am so sorry. You must think I'm gross."
"Of course not. Leaks happen. I'll get fresh towels and you can take a bubble bath okay?" Quinn says and Rachel nods, sniffing softly. "Rach, don't cry. There's nothing to be embarrassed about.'
"I didn't want you to see me like this. Emotional and messy and helpless." the diva hiccups. Quinn shushes her and takes her up to the bathroom and runs a warm bubble bath. Once Rachel is settled, Quinn gathers the dirty clothes and towels and treats and washes the stains. She gets new towels out and sets them out before gathering more comfy clothes for Rachel. She finds a pair of Cheerios sweats definitely stolen from Santana and a warm long sleeve tee that Rachel took from her. She didn't know the girl had been stealing their clothes, but found it adorable. She returns to the bathroom where Rachel is relaxing in the bath.
"Are you ready to get out yet?" Quinn asks as she sets the new clothes on the counter. "I brought you some fresh clothes."
"Thanks Q. This bath feels so nice, I really don't but I should. I'm pruning. Can you turn around for a minute?" Rachel says and Quinn turns around. She wishes Rachel didn't feel so uncomfortable with her body. Her, Santana and Brittany had been naked in front of each other long before any of them dated. "You can turn around again Q." Rachel says. The brunette is wrapped in a towel. Quinn smiles and excuses herself while Rachel gets dressed. A few minutes later Rachel emerges, her hair tied up in a messy bun and she leads Quinn to her room.
"Welcome to my sanctuary." Rachel says. Today is the first time Quinn has seen her room. The closet was connected to the bathroom so she hadn't come in yet.
"It's very you." Quinn smiles "I love it. Way less depressing than Santana's room and not as aggressively bright as Brittany's."
"I like to think I'm sophisticated." Rachel says pulling down the covers on her bed and inviting Quinn to join her "I'm more comfortable up here usually. I still have a TV so I might as well be in bed." Quinn slides in next to her tentatively. "I'm really glad you're here Quinn. I didn't know I needed you, but now that you're here I don't want you to feel unwelcome." Rachel admits.
"I'm a caretaker. I hate the thought of you suffering alone this weekend. I can stay until your dads get home Sunday night if you want." Quinn offers.
"Really? That would be great. I don't want to be alone." Rachel snuggles closer to Quinn shyly. Quinn knows it's only a matter of time before Rachel is in pain again, so she savors this moment. She lets herself get comfortable and doesn't realize she's fallen asleep until she wakes up to Rachel's cries of pain. Her cramps are back and much worse than before. Quinn sets her up with the heating pads and sees how long she'll need to wait to take more midol. It's almost as painful for Quinn to see Rachel's agony as it is for the diva. Quinn knew these weren't just normal cramps and definitely noted that, once the girl felt better, she needed to talk to a doctor. Rachel calms down a bit as the heat settles her muscles. However, the diva is worried about another issue.
"Q?" Rachel asks meekly and the blonde turns to her, snapping the hazel-eyed girl out of thought. "What are you thinking about?" Rachel pushes her intended conversation aside momentarily.
"Just how I can help you." Quinn answers honestly.
"There is one thing, but I'm embarrassed." Rachel says.
"You want me to check if you're leaking and if you need to change your pad?" Quinn fills in the blank.
"I know it's weird." Rachel says "I think I can get up and do it." The diva pushes herself into a sitting position and Quinn can see how much it pains her.
"Rach, stop. It's not a problem. Just close your eyes and lay back down. Ignore what's happening." Quinn instructs and Rachel obeys. Quinn assures Rachel there is no leak and changes the girl's pad. Rachel doesn't make eye contact with Quinn as the blonde lays down next to her again. Quinn doesn't resent Rachel for this and just lets the girl process. It was nothing to be ashamed of, but Quinn understood why Rachel was feeling embarrassed. The Cheerio only hoped that eventually she could get the other girl to understand that this was part of love. Taking care of one another in sickness and in health- it wasn't always pretty, pleasant or comfortable but it was love. And that's what mattered most.
"I can feel you thinking." Rachel turned to face Rachel finally making eye contact "What is going on in that beautiful mind or yours?"
"Don't worry about it. Get some rest." Quinn doesn't think the conversation needs to happen then.
"My brain is working perfectly well Quinn, it's only my uterus wreaking havoc. You don't need to filter your thoughts around me." Rachel assures.
"It's really nothing bad or serious at all, I just think it may be a bit distracting from the rest you need." Quinn tries, she really tries, to get Rachel to drop it.
"I'm too curious now. I promise, I won't make a big deal of it." the diva says, though Quinn hardly believes that.
"I was just thinking about how I hope, one day, you won't be embarrassed by needing me to do that for you. There won't be any sense of shame or guilt. That you'll understand, like I do, that no matter how weird or unpleasant something is, I will do it. Taking care of each other, that's love." Quinn smiles softly "You don't like to ask for help or be taken care of, and I respect that, but I want you to know there's no shame in needing a helping hand."
"That's really sweet Q. And I promise, I'll grow more comfortable." Rachel says.
"It'll come with time. Don't you worry. Now, please, get some rest. Do you need anything before I go figure out dinner?" Quinn asks.
"A kiss please. And just don't leave okay?" Rachel asks "Stay in the house."
"I'm not going anywhere." Quinn kisses Rachel softly and heads to the kitchen. She decides to take the tomato soup and use it as base for a vegetable stew. She chops ups some more fresh veggies and sauttes them before adding them to the pot with the soup. She peels and chops potatoes and adds them straight to the pot. She seasons it to taste, adds some cornstarch, and puts it on a low simmer to thicken. She quickly checks in Rachel upstairs and sees that the diva is fast asleep. Quinn goes back to the kitchen, always nervous about leaving a pot unattended and settles herself in a chair at the table. She knows she better check on Santana and Brittany so she quickly fires off a text to them. She also lets Maria know of her intentions to stay with Rachel through the night and gets the approval. She knows that Mrs.Lopez understands Quinn's desire to take care of Rachel- she's a mom and has been a pseudo-mother for Quinn for many years, long before Judy passed away. She has even been a second mom to Brittany when the blonde needed a more realistic opinion. Quinn's maternal instincts are kicking in, and Maria has no intention of criticizing her for it. Quinn gets up and stirs the stew, noting how much more time she thinks it needs. She's adding a little more seasoning when she hears Rachel cry out for her.
"QUINN!" Rachel screams. It's the loudest scream Quinn has ever heard from Rachel- one of the few times she's heard the voice-conscious diva scream. But this scream is ear splitting. Quinn rushes up the stairs, not sure what possibly could have upset the diva so much. When she gets there she finds Rachel crying uncontrollably. She can't even discern what's wrong.
"Rach, what's wrong?" Quinn asks, standing beside the bed, Rachel's crying into her chest. The diva is inconsolable, and Quinn is at a loss. Brittany was always better with the emotional stuff. Quinn does the only thing she can think and ever thankful for her Cheerios strength, lifts the smaller girl into her arms like a baby. She can now see why Rachel was crying- she'd bled through again, and pretty heavily at that. Quinn assures her not to worry and focuses first on getting the girl out of her dirty clothes and settled in a bath. Once she's done that, she thanks God that she'd put more than one towel under Rachel and the sheets are untouched. She gathers up the towels and the girls clothes and carries them to the laundry room and stain treats them and throws them in. She brings up more towels to the bed and checks on Rachel in the tub. The girl looks at her sadly, her lip quivering, on the verge of crying again.
"Rach everything is fine. You did nothing wrong. I can't imagine how awful the pain you're dealing with is. It's clearly worse than my own cycle." Quinn tries to sympathize as best as she can muster, but emotions have always been hard for her.
"I'm burdening you." Rachel pouts.
"Nonsense." Quinn shakes her head "You need to be taken care of and I like doing it".
"None of this could possibly be enjoyable Q. You don't have to lie to me." Rachel looks down sadly. Quinn hears the doorbell and has no idea who would be there. She hopes the stove hasn't caught fire- her reasoning immediately assumes it's the neighbors seeing smoke. After ensuring the stove is indeed NOT on fire, she answers the door. On the doorstep are Santana and Brittany, flanked by Maria, each with bags of all sorts of things.
"Where's our girl?" Brittany asks and Quinn leads the fellow blonde up the stairs. Santana follows after her mom promises to watch the stove and take care of all the stuff. Brittany walks straight to the bathroom and the diva starts on a new bout of crying. Quinn excuses herself and finds Santana observing every inch of Rachel's room.
"It's very her isn't it?" Quinn asks, and Santana whips around sheepishly, embarrassed about being caught. "It's okay San, you're not snooping. These are all representations of stuff we already know."
"Sure, but I was certain she exaggerated how many accolades she had. And her goals are as lengthy as she says too. Her whole room is a shrine to herself and yet it also reflects how much she strives to be perfect and feels she hasn't reached it yet." Santana looks at the quotes pinned to the mirror- some are inspirational stock quotes, others from Rachel's idols like Barbra Streissand. But there's also MySpace messages, and Santana recognizes some of them."Quinn did you notice these?"
"Are those hate comments?" Quinn asks and Santana nods, handing her one "And they're from us…"
"She sees these every morning when she brushes her hair." Santana sighs "No wonder she thinks we don't love her. Look at the things we said."
"We shouldn't be looking at these. I'm sure she has a good explanation for keeping them up there." Quinn shakes her head, sticking them back on the mirror.
"So how is she?" Santana asks "Besides the fact that Brittany is trying to stop her crying obviously."
"Well, on the crying note she feels like a burden so you guys coming over her may have just reinforced that idea. A warning would've been nice." Quinn sits on the edge of the bed and Santana joins her "Otherwise she's pretty miserable. I didn't realize how bad her periods really were but she wasn't exaggerating when she said she couldn't make it to school due to cramps. She's clearly in a lot of pain. More than I've ever experienced even with my worst cycles." Quinn leans her head on Santana's shoulder.
"I've only experienced pain like that once." Santana whispers, and Quinn immediately knows what she's referring to. "I cramped and bled for days, or at least that's what my parents have told me. I was high as a kite when I wasn't screaming in pain."
"You might be able to sympathize a little. I know they took you off the pain meds long before you would've liked. Mostly because you insisted on going home. Maybe offer some advice too?" Quinn asks.
"I can give it a shot, but I'm not sure I'm ready to go into that bathroom." Santana doesn't elaborate, and at the moment Quinn doesn't have the time to worry about why. She accepts this and goes to check on Brittany and Rachel.
"I see no more tears?" Quinn asks and Brittany nods as she brushes through Rachel's hair.
"Only when I get a particularly nasty knot in her hair." Brittany promises "But I'm being really gentle."
"My dads usually just rip through it." Rachel admits "You're much nicer."
"Good to hear. Once you're done here, I think we should have dinner close to ready. Santana's here too, she wants to talk to you." Quinn says.
"Why doesn't she come in here?" Rachel asks as Brittany brushes the last bit of her hair and starts Dutch-braiding it.
"I guess she just wants to talk to you one on one." Quinn fibs. Brittany raises an eyebrow- damn her ability to catch a lie better than a polygraph.
"Alright, well I'm almost done with this braid- Q hand me a hair tie" Brittany says and the shorter blonde obliges "And done. I'll let you get her dried off and dressed." Brittany excuses herself. Quinn can't make out the words, but she hears the murmurs of hushed conversation between the dancer and the Latina outside the door. Rachel seems blissfully unaware, or at the very least ignorant, of this as Quinn gets her into a new set of pajamas. Quinn takes a minute before escorting Rachel out to Santana.
"I want you to know I didn't know they were coming and I had everything under control. You are not a burden." Quinn looks into Rachel's eyes the entire time.
"I know." Rachel says "Brittany told me. She said that they really just wanted to check on me and bring some supplies over. She said Mami Lopez is here too. It's kind of nice knowing an adult is here. I trust you but…"
"A real adult can just do more. I know. Now, San wants to chat so I'm gonna leave you up here with her and me and Britt are going to help Mami Lopez downstairs okay?" Quinn asks and Rachel nods. Santana is sitting on the bed twiddling her thumbs when they open the door, and Quinn is surprised by how quickly Rachel runs to the Latina and hugs her. Quinn catches Santana's eyes and can see she's equally confused. Quinn leaves them and finds Brittany listening carefully to Maria about how to slice bread.
"Why doesn't Rachel just buy pre-sliced bread? This is so hard." the dancer laments.
"Britt." Quinn says and the taller girl turns around "Do you want me to guide your hands?" Brittany nods.
"Dios mio, she's never going to learn if you do that Quinn!" Maria insists.
"Sure she will." Quinn says looking at the older woman seriously "Brittany just learns differently than the rest of us. And there's nothing wrong with that."
"Of course not. Quinn, this stew is fabulous. It's still thickening but I had no idea you could cook so well." Maria says.
"The internet is helpful." Quinn shrugs "Feel free to touch it up, just make sure it's all vegan for Rachel." Quinn reminds. Maria nods understandingly and busies herself with the stew.
"Okay Britt so we take the knife in our right hand." Quinn says and helps Brittany grip the bread knife "Then with our left we hold the bread, plenty of distance away from the knife, and then we move it back and forth" Quinn guides Brittany's hands until a slice is cut off "And voila, bread!"
"Can I try the next one myself?" Brittany asks.
"Yeah, but I'm going to watch okay?" Quinn says and Brittnay nods. Quinn watches, mostly to make sure Brittany doesn't hurt herself. It wouldn't be the first time Brittnay had an unfortunate kitchen accident. Luckily, Brittany manages to cut the bread the rest of the way, and the pride it brings her makes Quinn's day.
Upstairs, Santana is doing her best to comfort Rachel. She sympathizes with her girlfriend's pain, but she also struggles to talk about what happened to her. Rachel is unusually patient, and the Latina isn't sure why. If the roles were reversed she'd be beyond confused and frustrated.
"I'm sorry." Santana manages only those two words at first "I'm sorry that it's taking me so long to say anything." Rachel looks at her expecting more to the story. "It's just hard to talk about my…incident." Santana never calls it what it was. It's always what happened or the incident or the day in the locker room. Never her assault or her rape. Never.
"I know." Rachel says "and if you don't want to talk to me about it that's fine." the diva says, shifting to lay back on her bed against her pillows and inviting Santana to join her. The Latina does so hesitantly but Rachel gives her an encouraging smile and squeezes her hand once Santana settles.
"I'm supposed to be sympathizing with you." Santana chuckles "I do want to tell you. Because this intense pain you're dealing with, it's not normal. But I know how it feels." the Latina says "It's like everything inside you is being torturously peeled away, scraped out and where that isn't the case, nails are being driven into your head, a boxer is punching your gut at a relentless pace, and you can't stop crying." Santana sees recognition in Rachel's face. She was hoping that Rachel's maybe wasn't that bad, but it seems she was wrong.
"Besides the fact that I can stop crying, it often feels just like that. I get moments of relief, but not many." Rachel squeezes Santana's hand rather hard, and Santana realizes that relatively quickly the girl is becoming pained again. Their conversation had taken the entirety of her pain free time. "Sorry." Rachel whispers after a minute letting go of Santana's hand. The Latina stretches her hand out and nestles Rachel into her side.
"Don't be. My hand is nothing in comparison to what's happening to you right now." Santana kisses the top of the divas head. Her phone buzzes with a text from Quinn. "Q says dinner is ready. Do you want to go downstairs and eat?" she asks and Rachel nods, but her face is contorted in pain. "I'll carry you." Santana says, and Rachel gratefully clings to the slightly taller girl as they make their way to the table. It's obvious to her which chair is Rachel's. Quinn had preemptively put towels down just in case. Gently, Santana sets her down and gets her settled. She brings Rachel a bowl of stew and bread plate over and sets them in front of her with some silverware. Everyone else joins the table momentarily where they eat in relative silence. Rachel finishes her food and excuses herself back upstairs.
"I appreciate you guys coming, but you should probably head out." Quinn says, even though she knows they're well prepared to stay the night.
"We'll be staying. I know the Berry's have two guest bedrooms so I'm sure that'll do just fine." Maria says.
"Won't Papi be lonely?" Quinn asks.
"Hector is working a night shift." Maria says "He has to because he was busy at the prison during the day." Quinn doesn't need to hear more than that to stop asking about Papi.
"Mami" Satana says and Maria turns towards her "Do you think you can get a hold of the OBGYN who helped me afterwards? I think Rachel really needs to see someone."
"I'll do my best. Why don't you all get settled, I'll clean up down here. Quinn, we brought you some warm pajamas as well." Maria says.
"Thanks Mami Lopez." Quinn says and she helps Brittany and Santana find one of the guest rooms upstairs. She takes her pajamas and goes to Rachel's room. The diva is watching trashy reality TV. "I didn't know you liked this kind of TV" Quinn says offhandedly and Rachel shrugs.
"It's good when you don't want to think too much and I don't mind falling asleep with it on. Are they all staying?" Rachel asks.
"Yeah, I hope your dads won't mind." Quinn smiles softly "I told them they could go."
"It's fine Q. Relax. That's why they're here. You're taking on too much. With preparation, I'm sure you could take great care of me. But accepting help is important. Go put on your pajamas and we can snuggle." Rachel shoos her towards the bathroom. Quinn does as she's told, knowing that Rachel is right. But it still gets to her, albeit slightly, that she couldn't take care of Rachel by herself. She wanted to prove her abilities as a caretaker, it felt like her piece in their relationship, all four girlfriends. Santana was the protective- it took her time, but eventually the Latina had become a driving defensive and offensive force for all four of them. She took slushies for Rachel, no matter how much it scared her, and had even physically shoved a number of jocks away from the other 3. Brittnay was the emotional support. Whenever someone needed a shoulder to cry on, someone to empathize, or someone to help them channel their anger, the dancer was there. This had come naturally to Brittany- she'd been doing it for as long as she could remember. Rachel was the planner. Never content with the other three's lackluster approach to Friday night dates, she'd compiled a list of movies to watch, activities to do, and vegan snacks that they would all enjoy. Bored on a Friday night? Grab an activity from Rachel's literal (she'd made one) activity jar. That had left Quinn as the only girl who didn't have her own responsibility. It was starting to appear, though, that she was the caretaker. Apart from her current situation, she'd been keeping a watchful eye over Santana ever since her last relapse. She made sure to take care of her whenever the urge struck by finding her more healthy vices. Sometimes it was just a snuggle, sometimes it was a gallon of coffee. Brittany had been relying on her too, Quinn having taken to packing an extra lunch for Brittany. The blonde had a tendency to forget hers and be repulsed by the cafeteria food, so Quinn's gift always brightened the other blonde's day. And now, Rachel had needed care, and she really thought she had it under control. But now that a real parent was here, it was certain she'd lost that title, and she was worried she wasn't as vital to the relationship as the other three. She wasn't contributing equally.
"Quinn are you almost done?" Rachel called, snapping Quinn out of her trance. She quickly scrambled into her pajamas and opened the door to a confused Rachel. The diva put a pin in her questioning and slipped into the bathroom quickly. Quinn shook her head and silently berated herself. How could she get so caught up in her thoughts? She climbed into Rachel's bed with a sigh and waited for the diva to join her, not at all ready for the interrogation awaiting her. Rachel joined her a few minutes later and squeezed her hand gently. Quinn met brown eyes that held a million questions, but these were behind a genuine sense of worry. She felt tears brimming at her own hazel and blinked them away. "Are you okay Quinnie?" Rachel asked. The pet name broke her facade and a few tears streamed down her cheeks. Rachel searched hazel eyes for an answer. Quinn collected herself and explained what she'd been thinking. Rachel just listened, and when Quinn finished the diva had just a small amount to say. "Quinn, there are no parts to play in a relationship. We all take on those responsibilities interchangeably, no one person handles them alone. A relationship is cooperative and flexible. It's not a simple silence or a business- we're all working together to have a healthy loving relationship. Do you understand?" Rachel asks. Quinn nods, she notes times where the other girls hadn't been the one to take on the roles she's assigned them. No one could do it completely alone. And yet, she'd never been the one to take on those roles. Suddenly she felt even less valuable than previously. Not wanting Rachel to read her face and see her conflicting thoughts, she urged the diva to lay down facing away from her so she could hold her close while they slept. It didn't take much for Rachel to fall asleep, but Quinn lay there for hours, concluding that she was holding the other 3 back from a perfect relationship. She would leave in the morning under the premise of running a quick errand. In reality, she'd go back to the Lopezes' house, pack all she could carry and set out on her own. She had a few hideouts no one knew about, and she could get herself relatively far on a bus with all the money her mom had left her.
That morning, after breakfast was cleaned up, Quinn was ready to put her plan in action when Santana pulled her aside.
"You're looking nervous, guilty and heartbroken. Whatever you're about to do, don't do it." Santana has caught her.
"What are you talking about Santana? I'm just tired and want to get this errand done." Quinn taps her foot impatiently trying to sell it.
"I thought we were all done with this lying BS. Come clean Fabray." Santana accuses.
"I'm not lying." Quinn crosses her arms.
"Then you won't mind if I come along on your errand." Santana says.
"You'll just slow me down. It'll be faster if I go alone." Quinn isn't letting Santana stop her.
"Well I need to get something so we might as well go together." Santana isn't giving up anytime soon. She can tell Quinn is up to something.
"You've already wasted enough of my time, I'm leaving." Quinn walks away and grabs her keys but Santana grabs her by the wrist before she can walk out the door.
"You're not going anywhere Fabray." Santana growls and she drags her up the stairs to the guest bedroom.
"What the hell Santana?" Quinn rubs her wrist gently. "That hurt." Santana glances at her wrist. Already she can see that bruises of her fingers will be there. She hadn't meant to hurt Quinn, but she wasn't going to stand by and let her run away.
"I'm sorry." Santana sits beside Quinn and gently picks up her wrist. Quinn flinched and Santana's heart shattered. She presses a soft kiss to the girl's wrist. It won't have any actual affect, Santana knows, but she hopes it solidifies her apology. "I didn't intend to hurt you, but I had to stop you from hurting yourself." Quinn is silent and doesn't show any signs of revealing her plan, nor any evidence there was one. "We agreed to stop lying."
"Sanny" Brittany knocks on the door and peeks her head in "What's going on?" she asks.
"What do you need B?" Santana counters, uninterested in getting Brittany involved.
"I…but…wait. I asked you a question first." Brittany pouts.
"Santana is stopping me from leaving the house." Quinn huffs.
"Why?" Brittany asks and Santana sighs as she gives a brief explanation. Brittany closes the door, clearly joining. "Rachel wanted to see Quinn but this seems more important." the taller girl sits on the other side of Quinn. "What's going on here?" Brittany taps Quinn's heart and head, and waits patiently. She can see that Santana wants to say something but she knows Quinn will eventually fill the silence. It takes a minute but Quinn does give in.
"I don't think I contribute anything to our relationship. You all play these specific roles and I'm just here."
"That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard." Santana says before she can stop herself. She claps her hand over her mouth and her eyes brim with tears.
"Sanny it's okay." Brittany says even though the Latina can see the hurt swimming in blue eyes. "What's a better way to say that?"
Santana takes a deep breath "How could you think such a thing? You do so much for us, all of us. Sometimes I feel like you're the only thing holding us together. I mean you brought us all together."
"Good. Santana's right Q. You're an important part of our relationship. And none of us play any specific role. Sure, we all have our strengths and weaknesses, but we all do different things. And Q, you're the caretaker. Trust me, no other person in our relationship can cook like you do, nor will."
"That's what I thought, but then you and Mrs.Lopez insisted on staying to help and I felt like I wasn't adequate." Quinn pouted "You guys don't need help with what you do."
"We're not here to help you take care of Rachel or do that for you." Santana says "We're here to make sure your needs are taken care of too. After a slushie, I always go and cry with Britt. When Rachel's plans fall through, Britt supports her, or if they cause a problem I protect us. You've been taking care of me so I can keep being our protector outside of home. You've been leaning on Brittany because that's emotionally taxing. You return that in her lunches which help her recharge for the day and not use all her emotional strength to get frustrated about lunch. It's a cycle."
"Wow." Brittany says "That was like…totally hot."
"Britty" Santana says and they turn attention to Quinn who is on the verge of crying. Brittany pulls the other blonde to her and Quinn lets her tears fall freely. Santana kisses both blonde's on the forehead. Right now, Quinn needs to be alone with Brittany, and someone needs to check on their diva.
"Hey superstar." Santana says leaning on Rachel's door frame.
"Where's Q?" the diva demands an answer.
"With B." Santana says simply sitting beside Rachel "You don't need to worry."
"But being with B means I have to be worried." Rachel argues.
"Quinn just needs a little emotional support right now." Santana says.
"But I told her she was important last night." Rachel pouts. Santana raises an eyebrow- Quinn had already opened up about it?
"She told you?" Santana asked.
"Yeah. She said all three of us have jobs and she doesn't." Rachel says "I told her that wasn't true. So she believes you two over me?"
"No, she just needed more explanation." Santana says, and goes on to tell Rachel what she said to Quinn "I think that got through to her."
"So then why is she with Brittany?" Rachel asks.
"She broke down crying. I don't really know why." Santana admits.
"That's the truth right?" Rachel asks.
"Yeah, I really have no idea why she just started crying. It seemed sort of sudden. I mean I knew she was emotional already, worried sick about you." Santana realizes too late she may have said too much.
"Me? She's worrying herself sick about me? I'm fine. It's just menstruation." Rachel shrugs as if her cycle is perfectly normal.
"Honey, the level of pain you're so obviously in is far from the average." Santana says "Quinn doesn't understand how your dad's let it go on this long."
"I may have given them the impression that I exaggerate the pain ever so slightly." Rachel is sheepish, and Santana can tell she's been telling her dad's lies about the pain afterwards for years. Saying she played it up to be pampered or stay home.
"You need to tell them and you need to get checked out. This could be really serious." Santana is firm, she'll make it happen if she has to.
"I'm scared." Rachel says quietly, and Santana only just barely hears her. In the guest bedroom, Quinn is saying the same words to Brittany.
"I'm scared," Quinn manages through her tears.
"Of what?" Brittany strokes blonde hair gently, hoping to stop the tears and get some answers. She also really wants Santana to go all philosophical again because it was a major turn on.
"Losing people I love. You three. I refuse to ever leave someone to suffer alone. To let someone live in torture when there's a better way." Quinn wipes at her eyes roughly, and Brittany pulls her hands away and dabs at them gently with tissue.
"This is about your mom…oh honey, Rachel may have some things to deal with, but her life isn't in danger." Brittany promises.
"Yes it is! It's only a matter of time before the bullies find a way to get her away from us and do something so horrible it kills her or sends her off the edge." Quinn is completely lost to her nightmare scenarios and Brittnay really wishes that Santana hadn't left because she really doesn't know what to do.
"Rachel loves herself too much to do something like that and there is no way Santana would ever let that happen. Quinnie…" Brittany tries to calm the girl but she's in a complete panic. She just strokes her back and hair and thinks of the tricks her mom taught her. "You're safe Q. I'm right here. I'm not leaving. Nobody's leaving." Brittany hears footsteps on the stairs and watches as the door opens quietly. Santana and Rachel both react immediately, assuring Quinn that they too are there. It takes a few minutes, but Quinns breathing returns to normal, the tremors stop and the girl curls into Brittany instinctively. Brittany looks to Santana and the Latina reads that Brittany is feeling the effects of caring for Quinn. Santana has an idea of how everyone can get what they need. Carefully, Brittany carries Quinn to Rachel's room. It's hard to get the girl to release her grip on the dancer but eventually they lay her down next to Rachel and her arms wrap around the diva instead. Brittany retreats to the guest bedroom, emotionally spent.
"You two gonna be okay?" Santana asks and Rachel nods. Quinn is too tired to say anything but Santana thinks Rachel can handle it for the time being. She leaves to go take care of Brittany.
Brittany is laying face down on the bed when Santana returns to the room. She closes the door and the blonde turns her head to look at her.
"Hey baby." Santana says, gently stroking the girl's head "You okay?"
"Yeah." Brittany says "Just need a recharge."
"That's good. I'm sorry I left you alone." Santana sits besides the dancer "I just wanted to check on Rach."
"It's fine San, we didn't know what was going on." Brittany assures "Lay down with me." Santana does as she's told, looking into blue eyes "You being all philosophical and smart was totally hot." Brittany smiles.
"I was just trying to help Q." Santana blushes "It's all true though."
"I just didn't realize that you recognized it so clearly and could vocalize it. I couldn't begin to." Brittany admits.
"I could teach you some other things." Santana smirks.
"Oh could you now?" Brittany says "Go ahead." Santana does as she's told, letting her hands explore freely. But everytime she gets close to where Brittany wants her she stops. "Sanny, stop teasing" Brittany begs. Santana wants to oblige but as soon as she starts she stops. She freezes up. She looks at Brittany apologetically as she withdraws her hand and promptly goes to sit in a corner. Brittany, for her part, calms herself down quickly, and goes over to the Latina as soon as she can. She doesn't understand what happened, and it's taking everything in her not to blame herself. She's also not sure how much more emotional support she can provide. But when she sees those mocha eyes, usually full of so much fire and passion clouded by despair and guilt her exhaustion is forgotten.
"Oh baby, no no" Brittany pulls Santana to her, the Latina sniffling and breathing deeply to keep her tears at bay. "Sanny, let go." Brittany reminds gently and the Latina's muscles relax as warm tears soak Brittany's t-shirt for the second time that day. Santana is quiet in her crying though. She doesn't gasp for air, the tears just flow. No sounds. It's scary when she does this. "Baby breathe." Brittany says and she hears a little hiccup. She rubs the girls back and can feel that she's trying to calm herself with slow breathing. Gently, Brittany turns the girl to lay her head back against her and she watches Santana's chest rise and fall and the tears dry up. Her hand rests just above her heart and once she's sure the Latina is calmed enough she asks "What happened?"
"Is it wrong for us to be together like that while they're both so miserable? When Rachel has refused since the first time because of my reaction, and in solidarity Quinn has been too?" Santana asks.
"Oh…well I suppose we'd have to ask them. I'm sorry." Brittany says.
"Don't be. I was irresistible." Santana's sass is back.
"So why the tears?" Brittany is still confused about that.
"Guilt." Santana knows she doesn't need to expand, and Brittany knows that there's no need to tell her she needn't be guilty. Santana knows.
After Quinn wakes up, everything starts to settle, and it's clear that everyone is just emotionally drained and high strung and that was contributing heavily to their thoughts. But Rachel was going to see a doctor, Quinn didn't run away, and Brittany finally got the break she needed. All was well for a short time in their lives.