Sorry it took me so long, let me know if you're still interested.
If I get enough replies, there may be a R&R kiss in the next part....
*Not beneath bribing because I'm a reply-whore*
Katie
Part 4:
"I don't even know where to begin." Rachel moaned, sitting with her legs crossed on Monica's bed, Ross and Monica across from her, "It's so complicated."
Monica took Rachel's hand into her own, "Start wherever you feel most comfortable....we're here to listen."
"It's a long story."
"We've got strong ears." Ross said with a smile, taking her other hand, "What's wrong?"
Rachel looked down, then up at her friends, "My mother wants to see me. Well, me and my sister."
"And why is that bad?" Ross asked. He had never heard anything about Rachel's mother, he had always assumed she had passed away or something.
Rachel looked down again, tears clouding her eyes. "That's the long part...you have to promise me you won't judge me, okay?"
"Of course!" Monica exclaimed, "We would never judge you."
"When I was younger, about 9 or 10, my mother's brother abused me, sexually." Rachel began, not meeting her friend's eyes, "My Mom and Dad had been fighting a lot, they always fought a lot, so I didn't tell them the first few times it happened. I really didn't know it was wrong. But one day he went too far and I felt really uncomfortable, so I went to my Mom and Dad to tell them."
She took a deep breath, wiping away the tears that had began to fall, "My Dad didn't really say much, of course, he was drinking. That's why they fought all the time, he was always drunk, and he was a really angry drunk. And my Mom accused me of lying about it, she couldn't believe her brother would do something like that. It wasn't until Amy admitted he had done it to her too that our mother took us seriously."
She looked up at Monica, who motioned for her to continue, "So my mother and my uncle stopped speaking to each other, they were so close before, and my mom blamed us for causing the rift. She made it seem like it was our fault that he did that to us, that we had done something wrong. And my Dad would always argue that it was 'bad blood' from my mother's side of the family."
Taking another deep breath, she continued slowly, trying to keep the mental images from her mind, "Like I said, my Mom and Dad fought constantly. About drinking, my Mom's reluctance to work, my sisters and my grades, attitudes, personalities. You name it, they fought about it at some point. Mostly it was about Amy, Jill, and I though. We never did anything right. Amy was always getting into trouble at school, my grades weren't high enough, Jill didn't try hard enough. The yelling turned to hitting, and the more they fought, the more he drank, and the more they fought again."
"A vicious cycle." Ross murmured, "So then what happened? How did you end up here?"
Rachel sighed, "My uncle came back into our lives when I was 12. He claimed to my mother that he had gone through therapy and was healed of his perversion. So naturally, she believed him. We all did. One day my Dad drank too much and pushed my mom down half a flight of stairs. They were all at the hospital, and they left my sisters and I with our uncle. And of course, he came on to us. He told us how beautiful we were, how grown up we looked...and you know, he did the same stuff he had done before."
Rachel stopped talking, taking a glass of water as Monica handed it to her, "Thanks. Anyway, this time it was Jill and I, and when we told Mom, she hit the roof. She was convinced we had the devil in us, that we were making up stories, that we were asking for it. It hurt so bad to know she didn't trust us, and she wasn't going to do anything about it. So when my Dad found out, it caused another major fight, a fight that they blamed on us."
Rachel pulled back her sleeves, revealing the still-dark scars on her wrists, "I decided to kill myself, to do her a favor and get out of her life like she had always screamed at me to do. I thought about it for months, I planned out how it was going to happen, I tried to get enough guts to do it. And then one day I did. But I couldn't even do that right. All I ended up with was a 3 day hospital visit, a weekly visit to a social worker counselor, and a one way ticket to New York to live with my grandmother."
Rachel shrugged, "So I got here. I was still all messed up inside, that counselor wasn't worth crap. And I hated it. I still hate it here. My grandmother and I don't know anything about each other, I spent a good six months holed up in my room, refusing to even speak to her if it wasn't necessary. And then I got to go to school...and you know Mon, I don't make friends well. So two years passed, and the depression got worse, and I hardly even talked to my parents. They were glad to have me gone.
"Then last week my Mom and my Dad got into a huge fight." She looked away, fighting tears, "Apparently after my suicide attempt, my mom started drinking also. She and my Dad were yelling and hitting and just having a blowout, according to Amy at least, and my Mom shot my Dad. They sent Jill to live with my maternal grandmother, and sent Amy to join me and my paternal grandmother."
"Oh my God." Monica gasped, "Why isn't she in jail?"
Rachel closed her eyes, reliving the conversation she and Amy had just finished with their mother, "She's got some hotshot attorney in Houston, he got her out on bail, she claims she misses us and wants to explain what 'really' happened. In other words, she wants to give us some lie so we won't hate her. She wants us to go down for a week or two so we can 'grieve' together. She told us to think about it, we can give her an answer in the morning."
"I'm assuming you don't want to go." Ross stated, still trying to process this story in his mind. He looked over at Monica, who had tears in her eyes, "I'm going to get some tissue."
Ross walked to the other side of the room, and Monica took Rachel in for a hug, "I'm so sorry that happened to you. You must feel awful."
Rachel nodded, her tears falling onto Monica's blouse, "I do. I miss my Mom, I can't say I don't. Even though I pretty much hate her for what she's done, I haven't seen her in years. And it feels really good that she wants to include me in this little reunion. But I still feel so hurt by her, and I don't know if I could face her, I mean, she's responsible for my Dad dying!"
"So you're torn down the middle." Monica whispered, "I can't even imagine what you're feeling."
Ross handed the girls some tissue, sitting down beside them, "Is Amy going?"
Rachel shook her head, "I don't think so. She saw Dad die, she heard the entire fight....she absolutely hates my mother. She's already told me that Mom's dead to her. She won't even call her Mom anymore, she refers to her as 'Sandra' or 'that bitch'. And I doubt Jill will want to go, she's really confused by this whole thing. So I don't know what to do."
"You just have to do what your heart tells you to do." Ross said, gently, "And it's not going to be an easy choice, but you know inside what you have to do."
"It's just not that easy." Rachel whispered, "I wouldn't even know what to say to her."
Monica squeezed Rachel's hand, "I think you shouldn't go. Stay here, give some time for things to cool down, and definitely don't go if your sisters aren't going."
"You can't make the decision for her, it's something she needs to decide!" Ross argued, "What if she's meant to go to Houston, and you tell her not to? You're messing with fate here!"
"You've been hanging around Phoebe way too much." Monica stated, pushing Ross off her bed, "And talking about fate and stuff makes you sound gay."
Rachel was about to speak when the door opened and Chandler and Phoebe walked in.
"Hey, your Mom said we could just come up." Chandler said with a smile, "What's going on?"
Rachel shrugged, cutting in before Ross or Monica could answer, "Girl talk and stuff."
"So that makes me a girl?" Ross asked sarcastically, giving Rachel a smile to let her know that her secrets were safe, "I'm really shocked Rachel Greene."
"Oh shut up." she replied, blushing, "I probably should be heading home."
Monica jumped up from her bed, "No, you can't go!"
"Why not?" Rachel asked, her eyes wide, startled by Monica's outburst. As comfortable as she felt with Monica and Ross, she couldn't say the same for Phoebe and Chandler. She wasn't used to Chandler's sarcastic attitude and she was totally self conscious around Phoebe, it was as if Phoebe looked right into her soul when they made eye contact. "My grandmother's probably waiting."
Monica took Rachel aside, "Because we still haven't come to a conclusion about your problem. Do you want me to get rid of them?"
"I don't want you to put your friends out for me." Rachel hissed back, "We can talk about it tomorrow."
Monica shook her head, "No, this is more important. You know, maybe you should talk to Phoebe about this, she's had some hard times too. She knows what it's like losing a parent."
Rachel looked at Monica, unsure, "What?"
"Phoebe's Mom killed herself a couple of years ago, she lives with her grandmother in SoHo. She's had it pretty rough growing up, maybe she could give you better advice than Ross and I." Monica insisted, "She's a great listener, and she gives pretty good advice."
Rachel took a step back, uncomfortable, "I don't know."
"It's not like she's a complete stranger." Monica pointed out, "And she's one of my best friends, she really likes you too. She's not going to make fun of you or anything, she's really supportive."
Rachel wrapped her arms around herself, still unsure, "What about Chandler and Ross?"
"We'll send them in the other room to watch 'Die Hard', they'll be entertained for two hours." Monica replied with a shrug, "Come on, it will be relaxing. We can eat ice cream and have some serious girl time."
Sighing, Rachel nodded, "Okay, I guess we can." After all, what's the worst that could happen? It wasn't like Rachel really cared what everyone else thought of her anyway? And she was pretty sure Phoebe wasn't cruel or snobby...maybe she would understand. Maybe they'd be able to come to a conclusion to this together? Maybe, for once, she'd have some girlfriends to depend on, someone to share her problems with. She wouldn't count this as opening up for rejection and embarrassment, she was going to count this as her next step to healing.
Taking a deep breath and thinking of all she had missed out on over the years, she allowed Monica to lead her back to the bed, and she sat down next to her friend.
Monica looked from Phoebe to Rachel, praying silently that she was doing the right thing. After all, Phoebe had always been there for her, and she was sure Rachel could use as many people on her side as she could get. Clearing her throat, she looked from her brother to his best friend, "You two need to get lost. We need to talk."
"Oh come on!" Chandler replied sarcastically, "Can't we hear the gossip too? Oh, did you see Mary's new nail polish? That shade of pink is so last year!"
"You are so gay." Ross commented, eyeing Chandler, "Let's go watch a video or something."
"Die Hard!" Chandler exclaimed, jumping to his feet.
Ross followed in suit, pumping his fist into the air, "Hell yeah!" Stopping at the door, he turned to the girls, "Feel better Rach." he said softly, his face a light shade of pink.
Rachel blushed, looking down as the door closed.
"Okay, just in case you're blind or clueless, he's got a major crush on you." Monica said with a smile, "He's got it bad."
Rachel looked up, her eyes twinkling, "Shut up, he does not."
"Oh yes he does!" Phoebe exclaimed, "He's totally smitten. It's so obvious."
Rachel blushed again, looking down.
After a few moments of tense silence, Monica spoke up, "Okay....I know this is a little weird."
"A little?" Rachel asked softly, looking up, "I don't know if this is a good idea."
"It is, trust me." Monica replied, giving Rachel a stern look, "See Pheebs, Rachel has a problem, and we're trying to come up with an answer. Interested in trying to help?"
"Sure." Phoebe replied, "It's about your parents, right?" she asked, staring at the shy girl in front of her, "Isn't it?"
Rachel nodded, looking at Phoebe in confusion, "How do you know?"
Phoebe shrugged, "Your last name's Greene. And my grandmother's a news fanatic. There was a big story on a family in Houston, the wife shot the husband, the kids were taken away. And their name was Greene. And yours is too. Besides, I saw a shot of your sister during the coverage."
Rachel's face paled rapidly, and for a moment, the other two girls wondered if she was going to pass out or not. After a few seconds, Monica took Rachel's hand, "You okay?"
"Everyone's going to know." Rachel whispered, looking at Monica, "They'll find out everything. Oh God, this can't be happening....this can't be happening."
"Calm down, it's going to be okay." Monica replied, her eyes wide as she watched Rachel begin to fall apart again, "No one watches the news. Besides, all they know is that someone who happens to share a common last name with you had a family spat. They don't know that it's your parents."
"Amy was on TV. And she's going to start our school. What if someone recognizes her?" Rachel said, jumping to her feet in a panic, "What if they push my Mom for the reasons she and my Dad were fighting? What if the whole story comes out? My life is over. Everyone's going to know, everyone's going to find out. They're going to know me as the girl that caused her family to split up, the girl that caused her father to die, caused her mother to go to prison."
"Rachel!" Phoebe exclaimed, grabbing her by the shoulders and shaking her slightly, "Get yourself together. It's going to be old news by next week! And unless you pulled the trigger and blew your Dad's brains out, it's not your fault."
Rachel stood in silence, her mouth open in shock at Phoebe's statement.
Monica scrunched up her face, giving them a look, "Did I mention Phoebe's also really blunt?"
"Rachel looked between the two girls in silence, tears filling her eyes. She slowly sank to the ground, shaking with sobs.
"Oh jeez, I didn't mean to make you cry." Phoebe said, kneeling down with her, "I'm sorry."
"It's been a really emotional night." Monica said, kneeling down next to the two girls and beginning Rachel's story for her.
Once the tale had been told again, Phoebe looked at a silent Rachel in shock, "You tried to kill yourself again, didn't you?"
Rachel pulled away from the girls, a look of fear and shock on her face, "What? You're crazy."
"You did!" Phoebe exclaimed, "Don't lie, I can tell. I'm psychic."
Rachel looked at Monica, who nodded, "She does have a skill for reading people. Did you?"
"Sort of." Rachel replied, looking down at the floor and playing with her shoelace, "It was stupid. I got in a fight with my grandmother when I got home last night, she said some things I know she didn't mean, but stuff I've been thinking about anyway. And I was drunk and mad at Amy, and just feeling sorry for myself and miserable. So I took a bottle of sleeping pills."
"Oh my God!" Monica exclaimed, "I had no idea."
Rachel shrugged, "I threw up and went to bed and I guess it didn't work, I mean, I'm still here, aren't I?"
"Suicide is the most selfish, hateful thing you could do." Phoebe said, her face cold, "You have to promise you'll never do that again, or I can't be your friend. And I'll know if you lie to me Rachel Greene."
Rachel leaned back, a little frightened by her new friend's sudden change of attitude, "O...Okay. I promise."
Phoebe smiled, relaxing and leaning against Monica's bed, "Good."
"I don't know about you two, but I'm starving." Monica said, standing up, "Ice cream sundae's?"
"Sounds great." Rachel and Phoebe replied, following Monica downstairs. Once in the kitchen, Monica turned to her friends with a smile, "You know what would be fun?"
"Sky diving?" Phoebe asked in response.
Monica shot Phoebe a look, then said excitedly, "If you both spent the night and we had a slumber party."
"I've never been to a slumber party." Rachel admitted, "It sounds fun."
"Let me ask Mom." Monica asked, "You two make the sundaes."
Once they were alone, Phoebe turned to Rachel, "You shouldn't go back to your mother. Something bad will happen if you do."
"Like what?" Rachel asked, licking the ice cream off of her finger, "How do you know?"
"I just do." Phoebe replied, "It's not a good idea. Trust me. Going to Houston right now would NOT be good."
"That's a good enough reason for me." Rachel muttered, crossing her arms and waiting for Monica to come back. Even though Phoebe was nice and all, she felt uncomfortable when alone with her.
As if Monica could read her thoughts, she bounced back into the room seconds later, "My Mom says it's okay, so why don't you two call your grandmothers and see if it's okay with them?"
"Mine won't care." Phoebe replied, "She probably wouldn't even notice I was gone."
"Call her anyway." Monica said, rolling her eyes, "You too Rach."
Rachel and Phoebe called their grandmothers, and Rachel looked at Monica nervously. It was her first time at a sleepover, and actually one of the first times she had ever stayed away from home, wherever that home may be. Tugging at her shirt, she turned to Monica, "I need to get some clothes from home, is that okay?"
"Sure, we'll all walk down there." Monica replied, grabbing her jacket from the kitchen table, "Okay Pheebs?"
"That's fine." Phoebe replied, staring intently at Rachel and trying to read what was going on inside of her head. She could feel Rachel's apprehension, but she just couldn't figure out where it was coming from. They had been nothing but nice to her, so why was she pulling away?
The three girls started walking towards Rachel's apartment, silent. As Monica stood between Phoebe and Rachel, she suddenly started having doubts about this evening...it was obvious Rachel and Phoebe weren't getting along that great, and while it sounded fun at first, she wasn't sure she wanted to be caught in the middle of a tense night with her friends. And she wasn't quite sure Rachel was up to making nice when she'd had a rough day as well.
They got to Rachel's apartment quickly, and as they were walking to the front door, Rachel stopped, "My home isn't nearly as nice as Monica and Ross's." she said softly, "And it's probably pretty cluttered....if you want to wait down here, I'll just run up quickly?"
Monica rolled her eyes, "You're crazy. The apartment's fine, you've got nothing to be embarrassed about. It's freezing out here, I, for one, am dying to go inside."
"And I really have to pee." Phoebe added with a silly smile, "So let's stop talking and get inside!"
Rachel led her two friends upstairs, opening the door slowly, "Grandmother? Amy?"
"We're in the kitchen." Amy called out, her voice cold. "What are you doing here?"
Rachel turned to Monica and Phoebe, "She's probably not in the greatest of moods....she usually isn't."
"Where's the bathroom?" Phoebe asked, bouncing up and down, "I was serious, I really have to go."
Rachel nodded to the hallway, "Second door, you can't miss it."
Phoebe disappeared and Rachel laid her jacket on the sofa, "We just came to get some clothes."
"That's fine." Betty replied, "Don't forget clean underwear."
"Grandmother!" Rachel whined, pulling Monica quickly into her bedroom, "She's so...."
"Grandmotherly?" Monica supplied with a laugh, "My Mom says worse, believe me. And in front of my brother's friends."
Rachel grabbed an overnight back, sliding open her dresser, "What should I bring?"
"Pajamas and something to wear out tonight, and something for tomorrow." Monica replied, "I was thinking maybe we could go get pizza or something, just hang out. Maybe go ice skating uptown? And I don't know if you've really paid attention to New York winters, but your turtleneck just won't cut it for warm if we're outside too long."
Rachel grabbed a blue long sleeved t-shirt and a lavender and blue sweater, "This better?"
"Much." Monica replied, turning her back as Rachel quickly changed. A few seconds later, Rachel had picked out clothes for the next day and was reaching into her bedside table for a brush and a clip for her hair, "Thanks for having me over tonight."
"Anytime, I love company." Monica replied, looking up as Phoebe walked in, "Ask her, I love entertaining."
"That's an understatement." Phoebe said with a smile, "Are we ready?"
"Let me get my toothbrush. I'll be right back." Rachel replied, exiting the room.
Phoebe and Monica sat down on Rachel's bed, looking around the cramped room.
"It's really small, now that she's sharing with Amy." Monica noted, "Do you think tonight will be fun?"
Phoebe shrugged, "I don't know. She's nice, but I don't think she really feels like she belongs. I don't know how to make her feel welcome, you know?"
"I know, but she's just shy. And she's not used to all of this attention in her direction, she'll warm up to us by the end of the evening."
"You think so?" Phoebe asked, standing and walking around, "Really?"
"I hope so." Monica replied. In the other room, the phone rang, and Rachel's voice rang through the apartment, "I'll get that!"
Rachel picked up the phone, dragging it from the table in the hallway to the bedroom, "Hello?"
Rachel's eyes widened as the other person started talking. "What do you want?......No, I don't think so.....I don't know, I just don't feel right.....I don't know, you'd have to talk to her.....What?!!?" Rachel's face began to pale, and she shakily slid to the ground, her back against the wall, "You're kidding....you can't do that!"
Rachel burst into tears, and Phoebe stood, "I'm going to go get Amy or something."
A few seconds later, Amy came in, taking the phone from Rachel's hands, "Who's this?....What do you want?....No, I told you earlier, I'm not.....well screw you!....You can't! You know what? Go to hell!" Amy shouted, slamming down the phone.
She looked down at Rachel, who was silently crying on the ground, "Grow up you little brat."
"Shut up!" Rachel yelled, suddenly springing to her feet, "Just shut up okay?"
"She can't do that Rachel, she can't make us come home. She's on bail, Grandmother has temporary custody of us, she's just blowing off steam. Use your brain, you can't believe everything she says, you should know that by now." Amy said coldly, her arms crossed, "Now shut up and stop embarrassing yourself in front of your friends."
Rachel looked down, concentrating on the floor, "She's going to come up here and visit. Did she tell you that?"
"She can't." Amy said, sighing, "Part of being out on bail is that you can't leave the state. And correct me if I'm wrong, but New York and Texas just aren't the same."
"What if she comes anyway?" Rachel asked, her voice cracking, Phoebe's warning replaying in her mind, "She's crazy Amy."
Amy shrugged, "Then she'll go back to jail. And when has Mom ever paid that much attention to us? She'd never put us before prison, get real."
Amy brushed past her sister, going into the other room and flopping down into a chair. Rachel ran her fingers through her hair, looking nervously at Monica and Phoebe, "I'm sorry."
"Don't be silly." Monica said with an encouraging smile, "Let's get out of this place!"
"It's like watching a soap opera." Phoebe said with a smile, "But Monica's right. There's a pizza place down the road and the cutest waiter works there...I think he's going to be there tonight."
"Phoebe's totally got a crush on him, but he's like 25." Monica explained, "Looking at him, you'll see why."
The girls left the apartment, Phoebe and Monica doing their best to cheer up Rachel.
They were about a block from the pizza parlor when they ran into Ross, Chandler, and Joey walking into the arcade.
"Want to join us?" Joey asked, putting his arm around Phoebe, "I'll win you a stuffed animal."
"We can stay for a little while." Monica relented, pulling out her purse, "I love video games."
"No, you love to win at video games." Chandler corrected, scanning the arcade, "I want to play the shooting game, who wants to come?"
"I will!" Monica exclaimed loudly, "I'm so good at those games!"
Chandler smirked, "What did I tell you?"
"We're going to go get some drinks." Phoebe said, pulling Joey away.
Rachel and Ross were left alone, and Ross gave her a soft smile, "How are you doing?"
"Okay." Rachel said, blushing as he looked her over, "Thanks for letting us hang out with you."
"My pleasure." Ross replied, leading her to one of the race car games, "Care to join me?"
"I'd love to." Rachel said, sliding into the seat and slipping some quarters into the machine, "I have to warn you, I'm amazing at this game."
"Not as good as me!" Ross argued, stealing a glance at her beaming smile. "Whoever wins has to buy the other anything they want from the concession stand....and has to....um.....pay for the next game."
They started racing, both laughing and having a good time. 5 games later, Rachel winning all, Ross sat back in defeat, "Okay, You are the best."
"I know." Rachel replied with a smile, "Want to try to win your dignity back?"
"I'd rather kiss you." Ross whispered softly, his lips meeting hers briefly.
She pulled away, her eyes wide, "We can't, Ross, we just can't."
"Why not?" Ross asked, his hormones raging, "It felt so good."
Rachel shook her head, jumping to her feet, "It's just not right. Friends don't kiss each other....can't we just take things one step at a time?"
"Okay." Ross said, looking down, somewhat embarrassed, "I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize, just don't do it again, okay?" Rachel said nervously, scanning the room for Monica and Phoebe, "We just can't do that."
"I get it, you don't have to keep saying it." Ross replied bitterly, "I'm going to look for Joey."
Ross walked away, more than a little upset, and Rachel felt her lip tremble. She was not going to cry. Only babies cry, especially over things that were unable to be changed. She wasn't ready to kiss him, she was right for that, wasn't she? She groaned, walking over to Monica, who was doing her victory dance next to Chandler.
"Monica, can we go now?" Rachel asked softly, "Pizza is really sounding good, you know?"
"Let me go get Phoebe." Monica replied, sensing Rachel's uneasiness, "Chandler, we'll see you guys back at home."
"Okay, have fun." Chandler replied, feeling weird as Monica left him and Rachel alone. "You okay?" he asked Rachel, seeing the tears glistening in her eyes, "Did something happen?"
Rachel shook her head, "Nothing, I'm just hungry...."
"Sure." Chandler replied, debating on whether or not he should leave and find his own friends. After a few moments of uncomfortable silence, he excused himself and we in search of Ross and Joey.
Rachel stood in the middle of the arcade, alone, and tried not to cry. It was hard to believe that during a middle of a night with her girlfriends she could feel this alone and abandoned. Sighing, she decided to accept it as her fate and know that in a few hours she'd be asleep and none of this would matter....if only she could sleep forever.
If I get enough replies, there may be a R&R kiss in the next part....
*Not beneath bribing because I'm a reply-whore*
Katie
Part 4:
"I don't even know where to begin." Rachel moaned, sitting with her legs crossed on Monica's bed, Ross and Monica across from her, "It's so complicated."
Monica took Rachel's hand into her own, "Start wherever you feel most comfortable....we're here to listen."
"It's a long story."
"We've got strong ears." Ross said with a smile, taking her other hand, "What's wrong?"
Rachel looked down, then up at her friends, "My mother wants to see me. Well, me and my sister."
"And why is that bad?" Ross asked. He had never heard anything about Rachel's mother, he had always assumed she had passed away or something.
Rachel looked down again, tears clouding her eyes. "That's the long part...you have to promise me you won't judge me, okay?"
"Of course!" Monica exclaimed, "We would never judge you."
"When I was younger, about 9 or 10, my mother's brother abused me, sexually." Rachel began, not meeting her friend's eyes, "My Mom and Dad had been fighting a lot, they always fought a lot, so I didn't tell them the first few times it happened. I really didn't know it was wrong. But one day he went too far and I felt really uncomfortable, so I went to my Mom and Dad to tell them."
She took a deep breath, wiping away the tears that had began to fall, "My Dad didn't really say much, of course, he was drinking. That's why they fought all the time, he was always drunk, and he was a really angry drunk. And my Mom accused me of lying about it, she couldn't believe her brother would do something like that. It wasn't until Amy admitted he had done it to her too that our mother took us seriously."
She looked up at Monica, who motioned for her to continue, "So my mother and my uncle stopped speaking to each other, they were so close before, and my mom blamed us for causing the rift. She made it seem like it was our fault that he did that to us, that we had done something wrong. And my Dad would always argue that it was 'bad blood' from my mother's side of the family."
Taking another deep breath, she continued slowly, trying to keep the mental images from her mind, "Like I said, my Mom and Dad fought constantly. About drinking, my Mom's reluctance to work, my sisters and my grades, attitudes, personalities. You name it, they fought about it at some point. Mostly it was about Amy, Jill, and I though. We never did anything right. Amy was always getting into trouble at school, my grades weren't high enough, Jill didn't try hard enough. The yelling turned to hitting, and the more they fought, the more he drank, and the more they fought again."
"A vicious cycle." Ross murmured, "So then what happened? How did you end up here?"
Rachel sighed, "My uncle came back into our lives when I was 12. He claimed to my mother that he had gone through therapy and was healed of his perversion. So naturally, she believed him. We all did. One day my Dad drank too much and pushed my mom down half a flight of stairs. They were all at the hospital, and they left my sisters and I with our uncle. And of course, he came on to us. He told us how beautiful we were, how grown up we looked...and you know, he did the same stuff he had done before."
Rachel stopped talking, taking a glass of water as Monica handed it to her, "Thanks. Anyway, this time it was Jill and I, and when we told Mom, she hit the roof. She was convinced we had the devil in us, that we were making up stories, that we were asking for it. It hurt so bad to know she didn't trust us, and she wasn't going to do anything about it. So when my Dad found out, it caused another major fight, a fight that they blamed on us."
Rachel pulled back her sleeves, revealing the still-dark scars on her wrists, "I decided to kill myself, to do her a favor and get out of her life like she had always screamed at me to do. I thought about it for months, I planned out how it was going to happen, I tried to get enough guts to do it. And then one day I did. But I couldn't even do that right. All I ended up with was a 3 day hospital visit, a weekly visit to a social worker counselor, and a one way ticket to New York to live with my grandmother."
Rachel shrugged, "So I got here. I was still all messed up inside, that counselor wasn't worth crap. And I hated it. I still hate it here. My grandmother and I don't know anything about each other, I spent a good six months holed up in my room, refusing to even speak to her if it wasn't necessary. And then I got to go to school...and you know Mon, I don't make friends well. So two years passed, and the depression got worse, and I hardly even talked to my parents. They were glad to have me gone.
"Then last week my Mom and my Dad got into a huge fight." She looked away, fighting tears, "Apparently after my suicide attempt, my mom started drinking also. She and my Dad were yelling and hitting and just having a blowout, according to Amy at least, and my Mom shot my Dad. They sent Jill to live with my maternal grandmother, and sent Amy to join me and my paternal grandmother."
"Oh my God." Monica gasped, "Why isn't she in jail?"
Rachel closed her eyes, reliving the conversation she and Amy had just finished with their mother, "She's got some hotshot attorney in Houston, he got her out on bail, she claims she misses us and wants to explain what 'really' happened. In other words, she wants to give us some lie so we won't hate her. She wants us to go down for a week or two so we can 'grieve' together. She told us to think about it, we can give her an answer in the morning."
"I'm assuming you don't want to go." Ross stated, still trying to process this story in his mind. He looked over at Monica, who had tears in her eyes, "I'm going to get some tissue."
Ross walked to the other side of the room, and Monica took Rachel in for a hug, "I'm so sorry that happened to you. You must feel awful."
Rachel nodded, her tears falling onto Monica's blouse, "I do. I miss my Mom, I can't say I don't. Even though I pretty much hate her for what she's done, I haven't seen her in years. And it feels really good that she wants to include me in this little reunion. But I still feel so hurt by her, and I don't know if I could face her, I mean, she's responsible for my Dad dying!"
"So you're torn down the middle." Monica whispered, "I can't even imagine what you're feeling."
Ross handed the girls some tissue, sitting down beside them, "Is Amy going?"
Rachel shook her head, "I don't think so. She saw Dad die, she heard the entire fight....she absolutely hates my mother. She's already told me that Mom's dead to her. She won't even call her Mom anymore, she refers to her as 'Sandra' or 'that bitch'. And I doubt Jill will want to go, she's really confused by this whole thing. So I don't know what to do."
"You just have to do what your heart tells you to do." Ross said, gently, "And it's not going to be an easy choice, but you know inside what you have to do."
"It's just not that easy." Rachel whispered, "I wouldn't even know what to say to her."
Monica squeezed Rachel's hand, "I think you shouldn't go. Stay here, give some time for things to cool down, and definitely don't go if your sisters aren't going."
"You can't make the decision for her, it's something she needs to decide!" Ross argued, "What if she's meant to go to Houston, and you tell her not to? You're messing with fate here!"
"You've been hanging around Phoebe way too much." Monica stated, pushing Ross off her bed, "And talking about fate and stuff makes you sound gay."
Rachel was about to speak when the door opened and Chandler and Phoebe walked in.
"Hey, your Mom said we could just come up." Chandler said with a smile, "What's going on?"
Rachel shrugged, cutting in before Ross or Monica could answer, "Girl talk and stuff."
"So that makes me a girl?" Ross asked sarcastically, giving Rachel a smile to let her know that her secrets were safe, "I'm really shocked Rachel Greene."
"Oh shut up." she replied, blushing, "I probably should be heading home."
Monica jumped up from her bed, "No, you can't go!"
"Why not?" Rachel asked, her eyes wide, startled by Monica's outburst. As comfortable as she felt with Monica and Ross, she couldn't say the same for Phoebe and Chandler. She wasn't used to Chandler's sarcastic attitude and she was totally self conscious around Phoebe, it was as if Phoebe looked right into her soul when they made eye contact. "My grandmother's probably waiting."
Monica took Rachel aside, "Because we still haven't come to a conclusion about your problem. Do you want me to get rid of them?"
"I don't want you to put your friends out for me." Rachel hissed back, "We can talk about it tomorrow."
Monica shook her head, "No, this is more important. You know, maybe you should talk to Phoebe about this, she's had some hard times too. She knows what it's like losing a parent."
Rachel looked at Monica, unsure, "What?"
"Phoebe's Mom killed herself a couple of years ago, she lives with her grandmother in SoHo. She's had it pretty rough growing up, maybe she could give you better advice than Ross and I." Monica insisted, "She's a great listener, and she gives pretty good advice."
Rachel took a step back, uncomfortable, "I don't know."
"It's not like she's a complete stranger." Monica pointed out, "And she's one of my best friends, she really likes you too. She's not going to make fun of you or anything, she's really supportive."
Rachel wrapped her arms around herself, still unsure, "What about Chandler and Ross?"
"We'll send them in the other room to watch 'Die Hard', they'll be entertained for two hours." Monica replied with a shrug, "Come on, it will be relaxing. We can eat ice cream and have some serious girl time."
Sighing, Rachel nodded, "Okay, I guess we can." After all, what's the worst that could happen? It wasn't like Rachel really cared what everyone else thought of her anyway? And she was pretty sure Phoebe wasn't cruel or snobby...maybe she would understand. Maybe they'd be able to come to a conclusion to this together? Maybe, for once, she'd have some girlfriends to depend on, someone to share her problems with. She wouldn't count this as opening up for rejection and embarrassment, she was going to count this as her next step to healing.
Taking a deep breath and thinking of all she had missed out on over the years, she allowed Monica to lead her back to the bed, and she sat down next to her friend.
Monica looked from Phoebe to Rachel, praying silently that she was doing the right thing. After all, Phoebe had always been there for her, and she was sure Rachel could use as many people on her side as she could get. Clearing her throat, she looked from her brother to his best friend, "You two need to get lost. We need to talk."
"Oh come on!" Chandler replied sarcastically, "Can't we hear the gossip too? Oh, did you see Mary's new nail polish? That shade of pink is so last year!"
"You are so gay." Ross commented, eyeing Chandler, "Let's go watch a video or something."
"Die Hard!" Chandler exclaimed, jumping to his feet.
Ross followed in suit, pumping his fist into the air, "Hell yeah!" Stopping at the door, he turned to the girls, "Feel better Rach." he said softly, his face a light shade of pink.
Rachel blushed, looking down as the door closed.
"Okay, just in case you're blind or clueless, he's got a major crush on you." Monica said with a smile, "He's got it bad."
Rachel looked up, her eyes twinkling, "Shut up, he does not."
"Oh yes he does!" Phoebe exclaimed, "He's totally smitten. It's so obvious."
Rachel blushed again, looking down.
After a few moments of tense silence, Monica spoke up, "Okay....I know this is a little weird."
"A little?" Rachel asked softly, looking up, "I don't know if this is a good idea."
"It is, trust me." Monica replied, giving Rachel a stern look, "See Pheebs, Rachel has a problem, and we're trying to come up with an answer. Interested in trying to help?"
"Sure." Phoebe replied, "It's about your parents, right?" she asked, staring at the shy girl in front of her, "Isn't it?"
Rachel nodded, looking at Phoebe in confusion, "How do you know?"
Phoebe shrugged, "Your last name's Greene. And my grandmother's a news fanatic. There was a big story on a family in Houston, the wife shot the husband, the kids were taken away. And their name was Greene. And yours is too. Besides, I saw a shot of your sister during the coverage."
Rachel's face paled rapidly, and for a moment, the other two girls wondered if she was going to pass out or not. After a few seconds, Monica took Rachel's hand, "You okay?"
"Everyone's going to know." Rachel whispered, looking at Monica, "They'll find out everything. Oh God, this can't be happening....this can't be happening."
"Calm down, it's going to be okay." Monica replied, her eyes wide as she watched Rachel begin to fall apart again, "No one watches the news. Besides, all they know is that someone who happens to share a common last name with you had a family spat. They don't know that it's your parents."
"Amy was on TV. And she's going to start our school. What if someone recognizes her?" Rachel said, jumping to her feet in a panic, "What if they push my Mom for the reasons she and my Dad were fighting? What if the whole story comes out? My life is over. Everyone's going to know, everyone's going to find out. They're going to know me as the girl that caused her family to split up, the girl that caused her father to die, caused her mother to go to prison."
"Rachel!" Phoebe exclaimed, grabbing her by the shoulders and shaking her slightly, "Get yourself together. It's going to be old news by next week! And unless you pulled the trigger and blew your Dad's brains out, it's not your fault."
Rachel stood in silence, her mouth open in shock at Phoebe's statement.
Monica scrunched up her face, giving them a look, "Did I mention Phoebe's also really blunt?"
"Rachel looked between the two girls in silence, tears filling her eyes. She slowly sank to the ground, shaking with sobs.
"Oh jeez, I didn't mean to make you cry." Phoebe said, kneeling down with her, "I'm sorry."
"It's been a really emotional night." Monica said, kneeling down next to the two girls and beginning Rachel's story for her.
Once the tale had been told again, Phoebe looked at a silent Rachel in shock, "You tried to kill yourself again, didn't you?"
Rachel pulled away from the girls, a look of fear and shock on her face, "What? You're crazy."
"You did!" Phoebe exclaimed, "Don't lie, I can tell. I'm psychic."
Rachel looked at Monica, who nodded, "She does have a skill for reading people. Did you?"
"Sort of." Rachel replied, looking down at the floor and playing with her shoelace, "It was stupid. I got in a fight with my grandmother when I got home last night, she said some things I know she didn't mean, but stuff I've been thinking about anyway. And I was drunk and mad at Amy, and just feeling sorry for myself and miserable. So I took a bottle of sleeping pills."
"Oh my God!" Monica exclaimed, "I had no idea."
Rachel shrugged, "I threw up and went to bed and I guess it didn't work, I mean, I'm still here, aren't I?"
"Suicide is the most selfish, hateful thing you could do." Phoebe said, her face cold, "You have to promise you'll never do that again, or I can't be your friend. And I'll know if you lie to me Rachel Greene."
Rachel leaned back, a little frightened by her new friend's sudden change of attitude, "O...Okay. I promise."
Phoebe smiled, relaxing and leaning against Monica's bed, "Good."
"I don't know about you two, but I'm starving." Monica said, standing up, "Ice cream sundae's?"
"Sounds great." Rachel and Phoebe replied, following Monica downstairs. Once in the kitchen, Monica turned to her friends with a smile, "You know what would be fun?"
"Sky diving?" Phoebe asked in response.
Monica shot Phoebe a look, then said excitedly, "If you both spent the night and we had a slumber party."
"I've never been to a slumber party." Rachel admitted, "It sounds fun."
"Let me ask Mom." Monica asked, "You two make the sundaes."
Once they were alone, Phoebe turned to Rachel, "You shouldn't go back to your mother. Something bad will happen if you do."
"Like what?" Rachel asked, licking the ice cream off of her finger, "How do you know?"
"I just do." Phoebe replied, "It's not a good idea. Trust me. Going to Houston right now would NOT be good."
"That's a good enough reason for me." Rachel muttered, crossing her arms and waiting for Monica to come back. Even though Phoebe was nice and all, she felt uncomfortable when alone with her.
As if Monica could read her thoughts, she bounced back into the room seconds later, "My Mom says it's okay, so why don't you two call your grandmothers and see if it's okay with them?"
"Mine won't care." Phoebe replied, "She probably wouldn't even notice I was gone."
"Call her anyway." Monica said, rolling her eyes, "You too Rach."
Rachel and Phoebe called their grandmothers, and Rachel looked at Monica nervously. It was her first time at a sleepover, and actually one of the first times she had ever stayed away from home, wherever that home may be. Tugging at her shirt, she turned to Monica, "I need to get some clothes from home, is that okay?"
"Sure, we'll all walk down there." Monica replied, grabbing her jacket from the kitchen table, "Okay Pheebs?"
"That's fine." Phoebe replied, staring intently at Rachel and trying to read what was going on inside of her head. She could feel Rachel's apprehension, but she just couldn't figure out where it was coming from. They had been nothing but nice to her, so why was she pulling away?
The three girls started walking towards Rachel's apartment, silent. As Monica stood between Phoebe and Rachel, she suddenly started having doubts about this evening...it was obvious Rachel and Phoebe weren't getting along that great, and while it sounded fun at first, she wasn't sure she wanted to be caught in the middle of a tense night with her friends. And she wasn't quite sure Rachel was up to making nice when she'd had a rough day as well.
They got to Rachel's apartment quickly, and as they were walking to the front door, Rachel stopped, "My home isn't nearly as nice as Monica and Ross's." she said softly, "And it's probably pretty cluttered....if you want to wait down here, I'll just run up quickly?"
Monica rolled her eyes, "You're crazy. The apartment's fine, you've got nothing to be embarrassed about. It's freezing out here, I, for one, am dying to go inside."
"And I really have to pee." Phoebe added with a silly smile, "So let's stop talking and get inside!"
Rachel led her two friends upstairs, opening the door slowly, "Grandmother? Amy?"
"We're in the kitchen." Amy called out, her voice cold. "What are you doing here?"
Rachel turned to Monica and Phoebe, "She's probably not in the greatest of moods....she usually isn't."
"Where's the bathroom?" Phoebe asked, bouncing up and down, "I was serious, I really have to go."
Rachel nodded to the hallway, "Second door, you can't miss it."
Phoebe disappeared and Rachel laid her jacket on the sofa, "We just came to get some clothes."
"That's fine." Betty replied, "Don't forget clean underwear."
"Grandmother!" Rachel whined, pulling Monica quickly into her bedroom, "She's so...."
"Grandmotherly?" Monica supplied with a laugh, "My Mom says worse, believe me. And in front of my brother's friends."
Rachel grabbed an overnight back, sliding open her dresser, "What should I bring?"
"Pajamas and something to wear out tonight, and something for tomorrow." Monica replied, "I was thinking maybe we could go get pizza or something, just hang out. Maybe go ice skating uptown? And I don't know if you've really paid attention to New York winters, but your turtleneck just won't cut it for warm if we're outside too long."
Rachel grabbed a blue long sleeved t-shirt and a lavender and blue sweater, "This better?"
"Much." Monica replied, turning her back as Rachel quickly changed. A few seconds later, Rachel had picked out clothes for the next day and was reaching into her bedside table for a brush and a clip for her hair, "Thanks for having me over tonight."
"Anytime, I love company." Monica replied, looking up as Phoebe walked in, "Ask her, I love entertaining."
"That's an understatement." Phoebe said with a smile, "Are we ready?"
"Let me get my toothbrush. I'll be right back." Rachel replied, exiting the room.
Phoebe and Monica sat down on Rachel's bed, looking around the cramped room.
"It's really small, now that she's sharing with Amy." Monica noted, "Do you think tonight will be fun?"
Phoebe shrugged, "I don't know. She's nice, but I don't think she really feels like she belongs. I don't know how to make her feel welcome, you know?"
"I know, but she's just shy. And she's not used to all of this attention in her direction, she'll warm up to us by the end of the evening."
"You think so?" Phoebe asked, standing and walking around, "Really?"
"I hope so." Monica replied. In the other room, the phone rang, and Rachel's voice rang through the apartment, "I'll get that!"
Rachel picked up the phone, dragging it from the table in the hallway to the bedroom, "Hello?"
Rachel's eyes widened as the other person started talking. "What do you want?......No, I don't think so.....I don't know, I just don't feel right.....I don't know, you'd have to talk to her.....What?!!?" Rachel's face began to pale, and she shakily slid to the ground, her back against the wall, "You're kidding....you can't do that!"
Rachel burst into tears, and Phoebe stood, "I'm going to go get Amy or something."
A few seconds later, Amy came in, taking the phone from Rachel's hands, "Who's this?....What do you want?....No, I told you earlier, I'm not.....well screw you!....You can't! You know what? Go to hell!" Amy shouted, slamming down the phone.
She looked down at Rachel, who was silently crying on the ground, "Grow up you little brat."
"Shut up!" Rachel yelled, suddenly springing to her feet, "Just shut up okay?"
"She can't do that Rachel, she can't make us come home. She's on bail, Grandmother has temporary custody of us, she's just blowing off steam. Use your brain, you can't believe everything she says, you should know that by now." Amy said coldly, her arms crossed, "Now shut up and stop embarrassing yourself in front of your friends."
Rachel looked down, concentrating on the floor, "She's going to come up here and visit. Did she tell you that?"
"She can't." Amy said, sighing, "Part of being out on bail is that you can't leave the state. And correct me if I'm wrong, but New York and Texas just aren't the same."
"What if she comes anyway?" Rachel asked, her voice cracking, Phoebe's warning replaying in her mind, "She's crazy Amy."
Amy shrugged, "Then she'll go back to jail. And when has Mom ever paid that much attention to us? She'd never put us before prison, get real."
Amy brushed past her sister, going into the other room and flopping down into a chair. Rachel ran her fingers through her hair, looking nervously at Monica and Phoebe, "I'm sorry."
"Don't be silly." Monica said with an encouraging smile, "Let's get out of this place!"
"It's like watching a soap opera." Phoebe said with a smile, "But Monica's right. There's a pizza place down the road and the cutest waiter works there...I think he's going to be there tonight."
"Phoebe's totally got a crush on him, but he's like 25." Monica explained, "Looking at him, you'll see why."
The girls left the apartment, Phoebe and Monica doing their best to cheer up Rachel.
They were about a block from the pizza parlor when they ran into Ross, Chandler, and Joey walking into the arcade.
"Want to join us?" Joey asked, putting his arm around Phoebe, "I'll win you a stuffed animal."
"We can stay for a little while." Monica relented, pulling out her purse, "I love video games."
"No, you love to win at video games." Chandler corrected, scanning the arcade, "I want to play the shooting game, who wants to come?"
"I will!" Monica exclaimed loudly, "I'm so good at those games!"
Chandler smirked, "What did I tell you?"
"We're going to go get some drinks." Phoebe said, pulling Joey away.
Rachel and Ross were left alone, and Ross gave her a soft smile, "How are you doing?"
"Okay." Rachel said, blushing as he looked her over, "Thanks for letting us hang out with you."
"My pleasure." Ross replied, leading her to one of the race car games, "Care to join me?"
"I'd love to." Rachel said, sliding into the seat and slipping some quarters into the machine, "I have to warn you, I'm amazing at this game."
"Not as good as me!" Ross argued, stealing a glance at her beaming smile. "Whoever wins has to buy the other anything they want from the concession stand....and has to....um.....pay for the next game."
They started racing, both laughing and having a good time. 5 games later, Rachel winning all, Ross sat back in defeat, "Okay, You are the best."
"I know." Rachel replied with a smile, "Want to try to win your dignity back?"
"I'd rather kiss you." Ross whispered softly, his lips meeting hers briefly.
She pulled away, her eyes wide, "We can't, Ross, we just can't."
"Why not?" Ross asked, his hormones raging, "It felt so good."
Rachel shook her head, jumping to her feet, "It's just not right. Friends don't kiss each other....can't we just take things one step at a time?"
"Okay." Ross said, looking down, somewhat embarrassed, "I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize, just don't do it again, okay?" Rachel said nervously, scanning the room for Monica and Phoebe, "We just can't do that."
"I get it, you don't have to keep saying it." Ross replied bitterly, "I'm going to look for Joey."
Ross walked away, more than a little upset, and Rachel felt her lip tremble. She was not going to cry. Only babies cry, especially over things that were unable to be changed. She wasn't ready to kiss him, she was right for that, wasn't she? She groaned, walking over to Monica, who was doing her victory dance next to Chandler.
"Monica, can we go now?" Rachel asked softly, "Pizza is really sounding good, you know?"
"Let me go get Phoebe." Monica replied, sensing Rachel's uneasiness, "Chandler, we'll see you guys back at home."
"Okay, have fun." Chandler replied, feeling weird as Monica left him and Rachel alone. "You okay?" he asked Rachel, seeing the tears glistening in her eyes, "Did something happen?"
Rachel shook her head, "Nothing, I'm just hungry...."
"Sure." Chandler replied, debating on whether or not he should leave and find his own friends. After a few moments of uncomfortable silence, he excused himself and we in search of Ross and Joey.
Rachel stood in the middle of the arcade, alone, and tried not to cry. It was hard to believe that during a middle of a night with her girlfriends she could feel this alone and abandoned. Sighing, she decided to accept it as her fate and know that in a few hours she'd be asleep and none of this would matter....if only she could sleep forever.