Here's the next part...hopefully I'll have another one during the week, but
only if I get enough replies. I'd like at least 5, but if there's more,
that's fine too.
Thanks for reading, please enjoy! Katie
Part 5:
Rachel laid on her stomach, her head propped up by her arms as they watched the third romantic comedy of the night. Well, now it was morning. Stifling a yawn, she turned her head to the side, not surprised to see Phoebe asleep, she had been complaining since the end of the first movie that she was tired.
To her other side was Monica, who was just about to doze off. Who wouldn't be just about to doze off at 4 in the morning? Rubbing the water out of her tired eyes, she whispered to her friend, "Let's turn it off and go to bed."
"Good idea." Monica replied before sleepily crawling to the TV and turning the power off. She crawled back to her sleeping bag, whispering back to Rachel, "Sleep well."
"I will." Rachel replied, rolling onto her back and staring at the ceiling. The evening hadn't been a total waste....she supposed. Although she was quite sure she had gained 10 or more pounds from the sheer amount of junk they had eaten, she did get to see the boys in just their boxers. She smiled, remembering that moment. All four of them had been embarrassed at first, but after Joey tried to hit on her, it became more comfortable...she wouldn't mind seeing that again.
Overall, she hated romantic comedies. People in love, people who make it together through the "odds". They were never real, there were no men who were really like that, no chance that all of the cards would be played out just right. Life didn't happen that way. And she especially hated them tonight, after her kiss with Ross. What the hell was that? She turns to him as a friend and he sees an opportunity to get in her pants? Was that it? Did she come off as a total slut just because of what happened with Shawn? Sighing, she knew it wasn't any of that, although the doubt would always be in her mind. What had she done to tell him that it was okay to kiss her? And why did it feel so good?
She tried to fall asleep, Lord knows she was tired enough to sleep for a week, but she just couldn't get the images out of her head. Him, her, kissing. The way she could tell his feelings were hurt, the way he wouldn't even look at her for the rest of the night. And how that hurt her feelings. She stood up, deciding to get a glass of water to help her sleep.
She crept down the hall, stopping when she saw that the light in Ross's room was still on. She could hear them talking, and although she knew she shouldn't, she couldn't resist listening in on their conversation.
"I really like her." Ross said, his voice sad, "And it's so clear that she doesn't like me."
"You've got to tell her." Chandler replied, "Stop complaining and grow a pair!"
"Yeah, like you are just going to jump up and tell Monica you like her?" Joey retorted with a snort, "Pot, Kettle, Black."
"You like my sister!" Ross exclaimed, "But she's....15...and she's so big! And loud! And my sister!"
Chandler sighed, "But she's also funny and smart and sweet. And she's not as fat as she used to be. And I still find her very pretty."
"I couldn't date a girl that was fat." Joey replied, "Even one that used to be. I can hardly afford to take myself on a date, much less a girl who would eat half the menu."
"There's nothing wrong with having a little meat on your bones." Chandler argued, "Right Ross?"
"I don't know." Ross replied, "I mean, the fat doesn't bother me. They just have to be pretty, not with their looks or anything, but with their inside."
"You're so gay." Joey laughed, "That's a totally gay response."
"What do you know?" Ross snapped, "I think Rachel's beautiful inside and out, it's a great package deal. You can't be with someone who has no feelings or no morals."
"Are you saying that if Rachel gained 50 pounds she'd still be pretty?" Joey argued, "Because as hot as she is, that changes a person. What if she gained 150? She wouldn't look at all the same, would you still love her?"
"I don't know." Ross admitted, "Probably."
"But if you didn't know her like you know her now, and you only saw her weighing 250 pounds, would you even talk to her at all?" Joey pushed, "Not knowing she used to be hot?"
"I don't know!" Ross snapped, "I'm going to get a soda, you guys want any?"
"Yeah." Chandler replied, "You go while I try to explain to Mr. Superficial about feelings and emotions."
"Makes you sound like a girl." Joey smirked.
Rachel darted down the stairs, not wanting to be caught listening in on their conversation. So, the girls were right, Ross liked her. Well, she knew that by the kiss. But wouldn't it have been easier for him to tell her "Hey, I like you, can we make out?" than to just assume that was okay?
She poured some water into a glass, taking a sip and yawning. It was definitely time to go to bed. She looked up when Ross came into the room, pretending to be surprised, "Hey, I thought you guys would have been dead to the world by now."
"No, we're getting there though." Ross replied, pulling out two cans from the fridge, "You guys?"
"Monica and Phoebe are asleep, but I couldn't sleep." Rachel replied, "Can I talk to you?"
"Okay." Ross agreed reluctantly, "About earlier?"
Rachel nodded, sitting down at the counter, "I don't want you to think I was being hateful earlier....it's not that you kissed me, that is okay, I guess....I don't know....."
"It would have been better to talk with you about it first?" Ross supplied, "I kind of figured."
Rachel shrugged, "It was just weird. I mean, you're my friend, and I wasn't expecting it from you. I hardly even had a clue you liked me. I just don't want to take things fast...I'm going through a lot of stuff right now, and I don't want to hurt you."
"You didn't hurt me." Ross said, looking down and tapping his fingers gently on the table. "I shouldn't have kissed you, we're not together or anything."
Rachel looked down as well, "I know....I'm sorry it didn't go like you expected."
"I didn't really expect anything." Ross replied, "Let's just not focus on that. We'll work on friendship first."
"We're already friends....we can work on going a little further if you want." Rachel said softly, putting her hand over his, "Just not too must too soon, okay?"
"That sounds great." Ross replied, pushing his chair back, "We'll just take it slow."
"I better be getting back to bed." Rachel said softly, standing, "And the guys are probably wondering where you went."
"Yeah." Ross murmured, "Night."
"Night." Rachel said softly, "You know....you could kiss me again, if you want. Just this once."
Ross smiled, pulling her close and letting his lips briefly meet hers, "Your lips are so soft."
"I could do this all day." Rachel giggled. "You do that very well."
A slight blush on his face, Ross followed Rachel upstairs, kissing her cheek when he came to his door, "See you tomorrow."
"Yeah." Rachel replied, creeping back into Monica's room and snuggling into her sleeping bag. She shut her eyes, thinking back to the night's events. She couldn't believe she told Ross to go ahead and take their relationship farther....she hadn't planned on saying that at all, but it just sort of slipped out. And it felt really good. She finally had a boyfriend!
It had been so long since she thought anyone could love her. She had known she was destined to be alone and miserable. But now, here was a boy, who knew her past and was still interested in her. It was unbelievable. Her body tingled and she stared at the ceiling, it felt so good to finally have people to turn to, friends she could possibly count on. People who knew all about her and still didn't care.
She crawled out of her sleeping bag again, walking to the bathroom and shutting the door. She stared in the mirror, running her hands through her hair. Her blonde curls hung limply against her shoulders, her face was a little pale. She grabbed Monica's brush and ran it through her hair, styling it in a twist and holding it in place. She'd definitely have to start doing something with her hair if she wanted to look nice for Ross. Leaning forward to look at her reflection, she decided she needed to invest in some makeup as well....maybe a few new outfits to wear on the weekends, after all, they wore uniforms at school, so that wouldn't make a difference.
Letting her hair fall back to her shoulders, she tilted her head to the side, realizing that for the first time she was able to look into a mirror and see herself, not some gruesome monster that she had painted herself to be for so long.
She turned around, looking at her backside and making a face. That could use some improvement. Face it, she hadn't been too athletically involved in the few years she had been in New York, and that was definitely obvious on her slightly pudgy body. Lifting up her nightshirt and sliding her pants down slightly, she stuck her tongue out at the slight bulge of her stomach. Starting tomorrow, some definitely dieting would be going on.
She started to go back to Monica's room, but just as she was turning off the light, she changed her mind. She thought about all of the crap she had eaten with her friends that night. Ice cream, pizza, cookies, sodas, more pizza, more ice cream, popcorn. When had she let herself go like that? She bit her lip, spying a scale in the corner of the bathroom. She walked over to it, standing on the cold metal and shutting her eyes. After a few seconds, she opened one eye and cringed at the number before her. She had never seen numbers on a scale go this high before, at least not when she was the one being weighed. Thinking of everything she had put into her body that night, she made a decision.
Rachel knelt down in front of the toilet, pulling her hair back and using one of Monica's rubber bands to hold it back. She took a deep breath and stuck her finger in her throat, gagging with no success. She leaned over the toilet again, inserting her finger and forcing herself to leave it in place until she got her desired results.
She coughed loudly, her throat burning and her eyes watering. This was not as easy as everyone made it sound. She decided she could just add this to the list of the things she sucked at. She decided to try one last time, after all, third time's the charm, right?
She coughed again, gasping for breath as she threw up, her whole body shaking. This was definitely not something she could do on a regular basis...dieting was much easier. She wrapped her arms around herself, throwing up again and praying that this would end, that she would wake up and realize she didn't just add to her many psychological problems with a temporary eating disorder...if this even classified as one. Fighting tears, she stood and flushed the toilet, stumbling to the sink and splashing some water on her face.
As she looked up in the mirror, she saw her soft features were now red and blotchy, her eyes bloodshot. And worse than that, she saw Phoebe in the doorway, her arms crossed and a disapproving look on her face.
"Don't even start." Rachel sighed, "I'm not in the mood."
"I don't care." Phoebe replied, her eyes hard and angry, "Please tell me you weren't just doing what I think you were."
"I wasn't." Rachel said meekly, looking down and rinsing her mouth out, "I must have a virus or something."
"I'm not blind or stupid." Phoebe snapped, "Rachel! Do you know how dangerous doing that is?! Do you know what could happen if you make yourself throw up long enough?"
"It was a one time thing!" Rachel argued, her hands now on her hips, "It's not like it's an every day thing. Once! That's it!"
Phoebe sighed, "That's how it starts Rachel. Next thing you know, it's once a week, then once every few days, then every day, and before you know it, it's 5 times a day and you're in the hospital from having a heart attack!"
"Who made you an expert anyway?" Rachel snapped, "It's not a big deal. Once. I won't do it again."
Phoebe shook her head, "We tried to help you Rachel, but you have to want to help yourself."
"What else do you want me to say? I'm not sorry I did it, and I already said I wouldn't do it again. What do you want me to say!?" Rachel asked, her voice raising slightly, "Give me some clue as to what you want."
"The truth." Phoebe stated plainly, "That's all I want. And I can tell in your eyes that you're lying."
"I don't have a problem." Rachel stated in a strong voice, "Actually, I have tons of problems, but this isn't one of them."
Phoebe sighed, "Okay. But don't ever do it again. Promise me!"
"Okay, I won't." Rachel muttered, walking out of the bathroom and turning off the light, "I'm just ready to go to bed."
Phoebe followed her, nodding, "I think sleep would be good for you. No one needs to be up this early."
"I haven't even been to sleep yet." Rachel admitted, "I'll be regretting that tomorrow."
"Life's too short for regrets." Phoebe replied instantly, "I'll make sure we don't disturb you in the morning...although I don't think it'll be a problem, Monica sleeps late anyway."
"That's reassuring." Rachel whispered with a smile, crawling back into her warm sleeping bag, "Sleep well."
"You too." Phoebe replied, pulling her covers over her head.
Soon Rachel heard Phoebe's snoring and sat back up, knowing she would never be able to sleep. It was positively awful sleeping in a new place for the first time. Especially with all of the emotions she was feeling. And most of all, especially with the mental images of her new boyfriend in his boxers.
She laid in silence for about an hour, hearing the faint noise from Ross's room dying down. As the sun began to creep into the sky, she fell into a light sleep, giving in to her body's fatigue.
~*~
Sunday passed quickly and soon it was time for a new day of school. Rachel was up at 5:45 am, something very unusual for her, and surprising to her sister and grandmother.
She ironed the plaid skirt and white polo shirt they were required to wear, taking extra time to blow dry her hair and fix it perfectly, turning her wavy curls into perfect ringlets, fastening the sides back with small barrettes. She put on lip gloss and mascara, along with a light powder foundation she had borrowed from Amy, and as she slid on the stockings she normally loathed, she couldn't help but feel special to have someone to dress up for.
She grabbed her backpack and purse, ready for school 20 minutes early, instead of half an hour late as she usually was. Looking down, she noticed her black shoes weren't totally clean, so while she waited for Amy to finish dressing, she cleaned them and slipped them back on.
"How do I look?" She asked Amy nervously as they walked to school, "I don't look lame, do I?"
"You look fancier than normal." Amy noted, "Dressing up for someone? Trying to impress?"
Rachel shrugged with a slight blush, "Maybe. Will it work?"
"You clean up nicely." Amy said with a shrug, "I never thought I'd see you being all girly."
Rachel shot her a dirty look, picking up her pace when she saw Monica, Ross, and Chandler ahead in the distance, "I'm going to catch up with the guys, see you this afternoon." she said before walking quickly to her friends.
"Hey guys!" she said excitedly, catching up with them, slightly out of breath.
Monica looked her friend over once, giving her a smile, "You look amazing."
"You really do." Ross said, his eyes wide, "You look so pretty."
"Thanks." Rachel said, flipping her hair over her shoulder. "You don't look too bad yourself."
Ross looked down at his white shirt and black pants, "Yeah, whatever."
"No, really." Rachel insisted, falling into step with her friends, "Most people can't look that nice first thing in the morning."
Ross put his arm around her, not going unnoticed by Monica or Chandler, "Can I walk you to your homeroom?"
"If you want to." Rachel said softly, looking up at him with a smile, "You have football practice tonight?"
Ross shook his head, "No, we've got a week off before we start weight training for next season."
"Can you imagine Ross lifting weights?" Monica said with a laugh, "Talking about physics with all of his jock buddies while trying not to break a sweat?"
Chandler laughed, "Remember that time he tripped while doing sprints during practice?"
Monica and Chandler laughed, while Ross gave them dirty looks. Rachel clasped his hand tightly, whispering softly, "I would love to watch you do weights."
"Oh God, are you two---?" Monica squealed, "You and my brother?"
Rachel blushed, looking down, "Maybe, a little."
"Why didn't you tell me?!" Chandler and Monica exclaimed in unison, swatting their friends' arms.
"Since when?" Monica asked, her eyes wide, "Rachel, I know you're new to the group, but girl, when something like this happens, you've GOT to share."
Ross smiled down at Rachel, who's face was bright red, "Since Saturday night....but we're taking it slow and not really announcing it to everyone, okay?"
"And you just spilled the beans to the human megaphone." Chandler added sarcastically, motioning to Monica, "Everyone will know by lunch."
"You can't tell yet." Rachel pleaded, "Come on Monica...."
Monica sighed, "Okay, I won't tell. But I don't know how long you two will be able to hide this. I mean, you're all touchy-feely, it's pretty obvious."
Ross and Rachel broke apart quickly, "I didn't even think about that." Ross groaned, "Okay, no touching at school."
"Can we tell Joey and Phoebe?" Chandler broke in, "They'll be mad if we keep them out of the loop."
Rachel nodded, "You can tell them, but no one else. Especially not my sister, she'll flip and tell my grandmother. And my grandmother thinks boys are spawns of Satan."
"Oh, she sounds pleasant." Chandler joked, "So where are we sitting for lunch today?"
"It's pretty and not too cold, so I was thinking under the trees in the grass." Monica said with a dreamy sigh, "Soon it will be nasty outside and we'll have to eat in the cafeteria."
Rachel made a face, "In Houston, it never gets this cold. Sometimes we're wearing shorts at Christmas."
"Yeah, but you have hotter summers too." Chandler said with a groan, "And I'd take a cold winter over a hot summer any day."
They walked up to the school building, Ross walking Monica and Rachel to their homeroom. He said his goodbyes and the girls walked in and took their seats, gossiping about some of the other girls in their class that they weren't too fond of.
"So how did it happen with you and Ross?" Monica asked, "When did you two decide to date?"
Rachel looked down, telling Monica about the kiss at the arcade and then their talk, "I don't know, do you think he'll really want to date me?"
"He's totally crushing on you." Monica reassured, "He hasn't really dated anyone else, so it's not like you have to compete with the cheerleading squad....it's Ross, not Joey. Stop worrying, everything will be okay."
"I know...it's just hard not to worry. Something always goes wrong." Rachel complained, "No matter how good things are going."
Monica squeezed her hand, "This time things will be different."
"I really do hope so." Rachel replied. "I just can't shake the feeling something's wrong."
~*~
Rachel, Monica, Joey, Phoebe, Chandler, and Ross were sitting underneath a group of trees, eating lunch and talking, when Amy rushed up to them. "Rach, I need to talk to you, NOW."
"What's wrong?" Rachel asked, rising and following her sister a few steps away, "Are you okay?"
Amy shook her head, "No. We're going to Houston for awhile."
"What?!" Rachel exclaimed, "I don't think so!"
Amy rolled her eyes, "We have to. Grandmother thinks it would be good for both of us to get some closure with Mom and then maybe we'll be able to heal and move on or some crap like that. She came down here to talk to us earlier, but I couldn't find you until just now."
"I'm not going to Houston. I don't care what I have to do. I'm not going. She can't make us. Mom's a criminal! She's crazy Amy!" Rachel said in a panic, "I can't go back there!"
"You don't have to tell me!" Amy snapped back, "I know how wacko she is! But we have to go, we don't have a choice."
Rachel's eyes filled with tears and she turned away from her sister, "I'm not going."
"Grandmother already bought plane tickets." Amy said gently, "I tried to at least get you out of it, but she insisted."
"I always knew she hated me." Rachel muttered, "What if Mom goes crazy and pulls a gun on us? What if she makes us stay there? I can't take it Amy, I'd rather die than go back to that awful place!"
Amy grabbed Rachel's arm tightly, "It's not going to be forever. The only reason we can even go is because she claimed self defense and not like temporary insanity. Grandmother says she talked to Mom and Mom's lawyer...it's only for a few days. She thinks we need to do this before we can move on from Daddy dying. She's right Rachel, after I say everything I need to say to that awful bitch, I'll feel tons better. And you can see your old friends again."
Rachel shot Amy a dirty look, "What old friends? I didn't have any friends there, remember? My friends are here. I don't want to go."
"Tell it to Grandmother, there's nothing I can do." Amy snapped, "I'm not thrilled either, but that's how it's going to be. I just wanted to warn you, so you're not blindsided when you get home today."
"When do we have to leave?" Rachel asked softly, tears threatening to spill onto her cheeks, "And how long do we have to stay?"
Amy hugged Rachel tightly before answering, "We leave tomorrow, and we come back Sunday night."
"Almost a week!?" Rachel asked, her eyes wild, "You're kidding!"
Amy shook her head, "No, we have to pack tonight, so Grandmother said to come straight home."
Amy walked away and Rachel sat on the ground, her whole body showing how angry she was.
"It won't be so bad." Monica whispered, "It's not for too long and maybe she's really sorry about what happened."
Rachel shrugged, "I don't know. I just know that I don't want to go. Why is it that when things just start to go right, something like this comes and screws it up?"
"It doesn't have to be bad." Ross said reassuringly, "Didn't you say your old house had a huge pool and tennis courts and stuff? You and Amy can just hang out and stuff, totally ignore your Mom. They can make you go, but they can't make you socialize with her."
"Don't go into the sunroom." Phoebe said softly, "Trust me."
Rachel looked at Phoebe questioningly, "Why not?"
"Just don't." Phoebe said, standing up, "I'm going to get another soda."
She walked off, leaving Rachel and the rest of the group in a tense silence. "I'd listen to Phoebe." Joey warned, "She's really good at knowing stuff like that."
Rachel nodded, "I know...listen guys, I think I'm going to ditch the rest of my classes and just go home. I really need to talk to my grandmother."
"I'll miss you, be careful." Monica said, giving Rachel a hug, "Call me from Houston, okay?"
Rachel nodded, saying bye to Joey and Chandler. She turned to Ross, and he stood, taking her hand, "I'll walk you home."
"I'd like that." Rachel said softly, letting him lead her away. This was going to be a hard transition, going back to the place where her life had been ruined.
~*~
"I'm not saying you have to forgive me." Sandra said as she drove her daughters away from the airport, "Or even that you have to stay with me. Aunt Cynthia would be glad to have you two over for a few nights. We just need to talk. Betty was right, this is what you guys need to heal."
"We need the last few years back." Amy muttered, "Just because we're here doesn't mean we owe you anything."
"So do you want me to call Aunt Cynthia?" Sandra asked, "I'll take you out for dinner and then I can drop you off at her house."
Amy shrugged, "Whatever."
"Rachel?" Sandra asked, looking at her daughter through the rear-view mirror. Rachel had said a single word since the airport, she hadn't even made eye contact. "Would you like to stay with Aunt Cynthia or me?"
Rachel shrugged, "Whatever Amy wants."
"I wish you girls would work with me a little, is that too much to ask?" Sandra exclaimed, exasperated.
Amy banged her fist on the dashboard, "Yes, it is! Do you have any idea of what you put us through?"
Sandra looked at the road, her face cold, "You have every right to be angry, to hate me, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm your mother and I love you."
"Do you think that makes it any easier on us?" Rachel shrieked, "Do you honestly think we lay in our dingy beds in our tiny room and say to ourselves how much we are grateful you love us? Sure, you murdered our father. Sure, you made our lives hell for as long as I remember, but yeah, it's okay because you LOVE us! That won't change anything!"
Sandra sat in silence for a few moments, while Amy climbed into the backseat and wrapped her arm around Rachel who was trembling. This was all too much for one day. Seeing her Mom, riding in their car, going to their house...and knowing what kind of awful memories would be there. It was enough to make all of her horrible feelings come flooding back. And that was a place she didn't need to be right now.
Amy glared at her mother, "We'll stay with you as long as you promise there aren't any weapons in the house."
"Amy!" Sandra gasped, "I never thought I'd hear something so cold and rude come from your mouth. I would never hurt you or Rachel, you know that."
Amy shrugged, "I thought I did. But I also thought that you and Daddy fighting was harmless, and I believed you when you said neither of you had drinking problems....and where did that lead? I don't even have a home anymore!"
"You have a home in New York." Sandra argued, not really knowing what to say. She knew this would be hard, but she never imagined how angry her girls were.
Rachel laughed, "You call that a home? That's an apartment we sleep in. That's not a home. There's no love in there, no laughter, no feelings at all! We have no home."
"Your inability to love is not my fault!" Sandra shrieked, her face paling when she realized what she had said. They pulled into the driveway, and all three got out of the car.
The house had an eerie silence about it. In appearance, it hadn't changed at all, but there was just a tone of sadness and gloom in the atmosphere around it.
Amy and Rachel followed Sandra in, all silent. Rachel had tears streaming down her cheeks from Sandra's remark, and if looks could kill, Amy would be the one on trial for murder. Sandra walked in the house, in a daze, going into the kitchen and getting the cordless phone, "Pizza or Chinese?"
"I'm not hungry." Rachel mumbled, refusing to meet her mother's eyes once again.
Amy shook her head, "Me either."
"You've got to eat." Sandra pointed out, "I won't poison it. You two have to be starving, you've been in and out of airports all day. If you want, we can go to a restaurant. We don't have to order in if you don't feel comfortable."
Amy shrugged, sighing, "Can we go to the barbeque place?"
Sandra nodded, motioning to the girls' luggage, "Take your bags up to your rooms, and we'll head on out."
Rachel walked into her old bedroom, shocked to see it hadn't changed at all. Her pink bedspread was still balled up how she had left it the morning she left. Examining it closer, the bloodstains from her suicide attempt were there as well. Even the pajamas she had been wearing that night were discarded in the corner, untouched in her absence. Sighing, she laid back against her pillows, enjoying the comfort of her old bed. She was tempted to unpack her clothes, but decided to just pull them out of the suitcases when they were needed.
She stood up, opening each drawer in her dresser, the doors to her closet, anything she could look inside to see a glimpse of the past. Not a thing was touched. She couldn't decide whether to be relieved they had left things for her, maybe they planned on her returning, or angry that they didn't care enough to even enter her room. She lifted up the corner of her mattress, pulling out a journal, which was still locked and in perfect condition. She couldn't believe even Jill or Amy didn't try to read her journals. It was as if when she left, they just forgot about her, pretended she had never existed.
She sighed, sitting back on her bed and picking up the phone, dialing Monica's number. Right now, all she needed was to hear a familiar, caring voice.
"Hello?" Judy Geller said, answering the phone.
Rachel mentally cursed, hoping that either Ross or Monica was home, "Hey, It's Rachel. Is Mon there?"
"She and Ross went to the movies with Joey and Chandler, do you want me to have her call you?"
Rachel sighed, "Yeah, let me give you the number." she said, trying to recall the number she had called her own for so many years.
After hanging up with Judy, Rachel changed from her sweater and jeans into a pair of shorts and a tank top. After all, while it was 35 degrees in New York, it was in the lower 80s in Houston. Glancing in the mirror, she decided to put a hint of makeup on before leaving. Just because she felt miserable and gross didn't mean she had to look it.
She was not looking forward to an evening with her mother. She still was in shock over the inability to love comment she had made earlier. And she still was trying to watch her weight, she hadn't lost any so far, and she was so sick of eating salads with no results. She knew that after this week passed her depression would be out of control. She just hoped her grandmother still was trying to make an appointment for her when she got back to New York. She needed some help.
Walking into the hall, she was almost scared by the silence. She could see the light on in Amy's room, and she was sure her sister was changing too. Making her way downstairs, she couldn't shake the creepy feeling that was overpowering her. She couldn't believe she was in this house. The house her father died in. The house she almost died in. She never thought she'd see it again.
She made her way to the living room, partially looking for her mother, partially just looking to see what had changed.
"Mom?" She called out, "Where are you?"
She wasn't sure if it was being in such a big house after so long, or maybe just being in THAT big house, but something was scaring her. She was never one that particularly scared easily, but at this point, she was afraid she'd pee her pants at a loud noise.
Wandering through the kitchen, she still had no sign of her mother. After checking the entire downstairs, there was only one room left, the one Phoebe had warned her about.
She opened the door to the sunroom and let out a loud shriek. Never in a million years would she have been able to prepare for the sight in front of her. She staggered backwards, her body going numb and her stomach turning. She wasn't sure whether she was going to throw up or pass out, and all she could think of was that she would never, ever forget what she saw. Phoebe was right, she should not have even attempted to go in there.
***Please let me know what you're thinking of this***
Thanks for reading, please enjoy! Katie
Part 5:
Rachel laid on her stomach, her head propped up by her arms as they watched the third romantic comedy of the night. Well, now it was morning. Stifling a yawn, she turned her head to the side, not surprised to see Phoebe asleep, she had been complaining since the end of the first movie that she was tired.
To her other side was Monica, who was just about to doze off. Who wouldn't be just about to doze off at 4 in the morning? Rubbing the water out of her tired eyes, she whispered to her friend, "Let's turn it off and go to bed."
"Good idea." Monica replied before sleepily crawling to the TV and turning the power off. She crawled back to her sleeping bag, whispering back to Rachel, "Sleep well."
"I will." Rachel replied, rolling onto her back and staring at the ceiling. The evening hadn't been a total waste....she supposed. Although she was quite sure she had gained 10 or more pounds from the sheer amount of junk they had eaten, she did get to see the boys in just their boxers. She smiled, remembering that moment. All four of them had been embarrassed at first, but after Joey tried to hit on her, it became more comfortable...she wouldn't mind seeing that again.
Overall, she hated romantic comedies. People in love, people who make it together through the "odds". They were never real, there were no men who were really like that, no chance that all of the cards would be played out just right. Life didn't happen that way. And she especially hated them tonight, after her kiss with Ross. What the hell was that? She turns to him as a friend and he sees an opportunity to get in her pants? Was that it? Did she come off as a total slut just because of what happened with Shawn? Sighing, she knew it wasn't any of that, although the doubt would always be in her mind. What had she done to tell him that it was okay to kiss her? And why did it feel so good?
She tried to fall asleep, Lord knows she was tired enough to sleep for a week, but she just couldn't get the images out of her head. Him, her, kissing. The way she could tell his feelings were hurt, the way he wouldn't even look at her for the rest of the night. And how that hurt her feelings. She stood up, deciding to get a glass of water to help her sleep.
She crept down the hall, stopping when she saw that the light in Ross's room was still on. She could hear them talking, and although she knew she shouldn't, she couldn't resist listening in on their conversation.
"I really like her." Ross said, his voice sad, "And it's so clear that she doesn't like me."
"You've got to tell her." Chandler replied, "Stop complaining and grow a pair!"
"Yeah, like you are just going to jump up and tell Monica you like her?" Joey retorted with a snort, "Pot, Kettle, Black."
"You like my sister!" Ross exclaimed, "But she's....15...and she's so big! And loud! And my sister!"
Chandler sighed, "But she's also funny and smart and sweet. And she's not as fat as she used to be. And I still find her very pretty."
"I couldn't date a girl that was fat." Joey replied, "Even one that used to be. I can hardly afford to take myself on a date, much less a girl who would eat half the menu."
"There's nothing wrong with having a little meat on your bones." Chandler argued, "Right Ross?"
"I don't know." Ross replied, "I mean, the fat doesn't bother me. They just have to be pretty, not with their looks or anything, but with their inside."
"You're so gay." Joey laughed, "That's a totally gay response."
"What do you know?" Ross snapped, "I think Rachel's beautiful inside and out, it's a great package deal. You can't be with someone who has no feelings or no morals."
"Are you saying that if Rachel gained 50 pounds she'd still be pretty?" Joey argued, "Because as hot as she is, that changes a person. What if she gained 150? She wouldn't look at all the same, would you still love her?"
"I don't know." Ross admitted, "Probably."
"But if you didn't know her like you know her now, and you only saw her weighing 250 pounds, would you even talk to her at all?" Joey pushed, "Not knowing she used to be hot?"
"I don't know!" Ross snapped, "I'm going to get a soda, you guys want any?"
"Yeah." Chandler replied, "You go while I try to explain to Mr. Superficial about feelings and emotions."
"Makes you sound like a girl." Joey smirked.
Rachel darted down the stairs, not wanting to be caught listening in on their conversation. So, the girls were right, Ross liked her. Well, she knew that by the kiss. But wouldn't it have been easier for him to tell her "Hey, I like you, can we make out?" than to just assume that was okay?
She poured some water into a glass, taking a sip and yawning. It was definitely time to go to bed. She looked up when Ross came into the room, pretending to be surprised, "Hey, I thought you guys would have been dead to the world by now."
"No, we're getting there though." Ross replied, pulling out two cans from the fridge, "You guys?"
"Monica and Phoebe are asleep, but I couldn't sleep." Rachel replied, "Can I talk to you?"
"Okay." Ross agreed reluctantly, "About earlier?"
Rachel nodded, sitting down at the counter, "I don't want you to think I was being hateful earlier....it's not that you kissed me, that is okay, I guess....I don't know....."
"It would have been better to talk with you about it first?" Ross supplied, "I kind of figured."
Rachel shrugged, "It was just weird. I mean, you're my friend, and I wasn't expecting it from you. I hardly even had a clue you liked me. I just don't want to take things fast...I'm going through a lot of stuff right now, and I don't want to hurt you."
"You didn't hurt me." Ross said, looking down and tapping his fingers gently on the table. "I shouldn't have kissed you, we're not together or anything."
Rachel looked down as well, "I know....I'm sorry it didn't go like you expected."
"I didn't really expect anything." Ross replied, "Let's just not focus on that. We'll work on friendship first."
"We're already friends....we can work on going a little further if you want." Rachel said softly, putting her hand over his, "Just not too must too soon, okay?"
"That sounds great." Ross replied, pushing his chair back, "We'll just take it slow."
"I better be getting back to bed." Rachel said softly, standing, "And the guys are probably wondering where you went."
"Yeah." Ross murmured, "Night."
"Night." Rachel said softly, "You know....you could kiss me again, if you want. Just this once."
Ross smiled, pulling her close and letting his lips briefly meet hers, "Your lips are so soft."
"I could do this all day." Rachel giggled. "You do that very well."
A slight blush on his face, Ross followed Rachel upstairs, kissing her cheek when he came to his door, "See you tomorrow."
"Yeah." Rachel replied, creeping back into Monica's room and snuggling into her sleeping bag. She shut her eyes, thinking back to the night's events. She couldn't believe she told Ross to go ahead and take their relationship farther....she hadn't planned on saying that at all, but it just sort of slipped out. And it felt really good. She finally had a boyfriend!
It had been so long since she thought anyone could love her. She had known she was destined to be alone and miserable. But now, here was a boy, who knew her past and was still interested in her. It was unbelievable. Her body tingled and she stared at the ceiling, it felt so good to finally have people to turn to, friends she could possibly count on. People who knew all about her and still didn't care.
She crawled out of her sleeping bag again, walking to the bathroom and shutting the door. She stared in the mirror, running her hands through her hair. Her blonde curls hung limply against her shoulders, her face was a little pale. She grabbed Monica's brush and ran it through her hair, styling it in a twist and holding it in place. She'd definitely have to start doing something with her hair if she wanted to look nice for Ross. Leaning forward to look at her reflection, she decided she needed to invest in some makeup as well....maybe a few new outfits to wear on the weekends, after all, they wore uniforms at school, so that wouldn't make a difference.
Letting her hair fall back to her shoulders, she tilted her head to the side, realizing that for the first time she was able to look into a mirror and see herself, not some gruesome monster that she had painted herself to be for so long.
She turned around, looking at her backside and making a face. That could use some improvement. Face it, she hadn't been too athletically involved in the few years she had been in New York, and that was definitely obvious on her slightly pudgy body. Lifting up her nightshirt and sliding her pants down slightly, she stuck her tongue out at the slight bulge of her stomach. Starting tomorrow, some definitely dieting would be going on.
She started to go back to Monica's room, but just as she was turning off the light, she changed her mind. She thought about all of the crap she had eaten with her friends that night. Ice cream, pizza, cookies, sodas, more pizza, more ice cream, popcorn. When had she let herself go like that? She bit her lip, spying a scale in the corner of the bathroom. She walked over to it, standing on the cold metal and shutting her eyes. After a few seconds, she opened one eye and cringed at the number before her. She had never seen numbers on a scale go this high before, at least not when she was the one being weighed. Thinking of everything she had put into her body that night, she made a decision.
Rachel knelt down in front of the toilet, pulling her hair back and using one of Monica's rubber bands to hold it back. She took a deep breath and stuck her finger in her throat, gagging with no success. She leaned over the toilet again, inserting her finger and forcing herself to leave it in place until she got her desired results.
She coughed loudly, her throat burning and her eyes watering. This was not as easy as everyone made it sound. She decided she could just add this to the list of the things she sucked at. She decided to try one last time, after all, third time's the charm, right?
She coughed again, gasping for breath as she threw up, her whole body shaking. This was definitely not something she could do on a regular basis...dieting was much easier. She wrapped her arms around herself, throwing up again and praying that this would end, that she would wake up and realize she didn't just add to her many psychological problems with a temporary eating disorder...if this even classified as one. Fighting tears, she stood and flushed the toilet, stumbling to the sink and splashing some water on her face.
As she looked up in the mirror, she saw her soft features were now red and blotchy, her eyes bloodshot. And worse than that, she saw Phoebe in the doorway, her arms crossed and a disapproving look on her face.
"Don't even start." Rachel sighed, "I'm not in the mood."
"I don't care." Phoebe replied, her eyes hard and angry, "Please tell me you weren't just doing what I think you were."
"I wasn't." Rachel said meekly, looking down and rinsing her mouth out, "I must have a virus or something."
"I'm not blind or stupid." Phoebe snapped, "Rachel! Do you know how dangerous doing that is?! Do you know what could happen if you make yourself throw up long enough?"
"It was a one time thing!" Rachel argued, her hands now on her hips, "It's not like it's an every day thing. Once! That's it!"
Phoebe sighed, "That's how it starts Rachel. Next thing you know, it's once a week, then once every few days, then every day, and before you know it, it's 5 times a day and you're in the hospital from having a heart attack!"
"Who made you an expert anyway?" Rachel snapped, "It's not a big deal. Once. I won't do it again."
Phoebe shook her head, "We tried to help you Rachel, but you have to want to help yourself."
"What else do you want me to say? I'm not sorry I did it, and I already said I wouldn't do it again. What do you want me to say!?" Rachel asked, her voice raising slightly, "Give me some clue as to what you want."
"The truth." Phoebe stated plainly, "That's all I want. And I can tell in your eyes that you're lying."
"I don't have a problem." Rachel stated in a strong voice, "Actually, I have tons of problems, but this isn't one of them."
Phoebe sighed, "Okay. But don't ever do it again. Promise me!"
"Okay, I won't." Rachel muttered, walking out of the bathroom and turning off the light, "I'm just ready to go to bed."
Phoebe followed her, nodding, "I think sleep would be good for you. No one needs to be up this early."
"I haven't even been to sleep yet." Rachel admitted, "I'll be regretting that tomorrow."
"Life's too short for regrets." Phoebe replied instantly, "I'll make sure we don't disturb you in the morning...although I don't think it'll be a problem, Monica sleeps late anyway."
"That's reassuring." Rachel whispered with a smile, crawling back into her warm sleeping bag, "Sleep well."
"You too." Phoebe replied, pulling her covers over her head.
Soon Rachel heard Phoebe's snoring and sat back up, knowing she would never be able to sleep. It was positively awful sleeping in a new place for the first time. Especially with all of the emotions she was feeling. And most of all, especially with the mental images of her new boyfriend in his boxers.
She laid in silence for about an hour, hearing the faint noise from Ross's room dying down. As the sun began to creep into the sky, she fell into a light sleep, giving in to her body's fatigue.
~*~
Sunday passed quickly and soon it was time for a new day of school. Rachel was up at 5:45 am, something very unusual for her, and surprising to her sister and grandmother.
She ironed the plaid skirt and white polo shirt they were required to wear, taking extra time to blow dry her hair and fix it perfectly, turning her wavy curls into perfect ringlets, fastening the sides back with small barrettes. She put on lip gloss and mascara, along with a light powder foundation she had borrowed from Amy, and as she slid on the stockings she normally loathed, she couldn't help but feel special to have someone to dress up for.
She grabbed her backpack and purse, ready for school 20 minutes early, instead of half an hour late as she usually was. Looking down, she noticed her black shoes weren't totally clean, so while she waited for Amy to finish dressing, she cleaned them and slipped them back on.
"How do I look?" She asked Amy nervously as they walked to school, "I don't look lame, do I?"
"You look fancier than normal." Amy noted, "Dressing up for someone? Trying to impress?"
Rachel shrugged with a slight blush, "Maybe. Will it work?"
"You clean up nicely." Amy said with a shrug, "I never thought I'd see you being all girly."
Rachel shot her a dirty look, picking up her pace when she saw Monica, Ross, and Chandler ahead in the distance, "I'm going to catch up with the guys, see you this afternoon." she said before walking quickly to her friends.
"Hey guys!" she said excitedly, catching up with them, slightly out of breath.
Monica looked her friend over once, giving her a smile, "You look amazing."
"You really do." Ross said, his eyes wide, "You look so pretty."
"Thanks." Rachel said, flipping her hair over her shoulder. "You don't look too bad yourself."
Ross looked down at his white shirt and black pants, "Yeah, whatever."
"No, really." Rachel insisted, falling into step with her friends, "Most people can't look that nice first thing in the morning."
Ross put his arm around her, not going unnoticed by Monica or Chandler, "Can I walk you to your homeroom?"
"If you want to." Rachel said softly, looking up at him with a smile, "You have football practice tonight?"
Ross shook his head, "No, we've got a week off before we start weight training for next season."
"Can you imagine Ross lifting weights?" Monica said with a laugh, "Talking about physics with all of his jock buddies while trying not to break a sweat?"
Chandler laughed, "Remember that time he tripped while doing sprints during practice?"
Monica and Chandler laughed, while Ross gave them dirty looks. Rachel clasped his hand tightly, whispering softly, "I would love to watch you do weights."
"Oh God, are you two---?" Monica squealed, "You and my brother?"
Rachel blushed, looking down, "Maybe, a little."
"Why didn't you tell me?!" Chandler and Monica exclaimed in unison, swatting their friends' arms.
"Since when?" Monica asked, her eyes wide, "Rachel, I know you're new to the group, but girl, when something like this happens, you've GOT to share."
Ross smiled down at Rachel, who's face was bright red, "Since Saturday night....but we're taking it slow and not really announcing it to everyone, okay?"
"And you just spilled the beans to the human megaphone." Chandler added sarcastically, motioning to Monica, "Everyone will know by lunch."
"You can't tell yet." Rachel pleaded, "Come on Monica...."
Monica sighed, "Okay, I won't tell. But I don't know how long you two will be able to hide this. I mean, you're all touchy-feely, it's pretty obvious."
Ross and Rachel broke apart quickly, "I didn't even think about that." Ross groaned, "Okay, no touching at school."
"Can we tell Joey and Phoebe?" Chandler broke in, "They'll be mad if we keep them out of the loop."
Rachel nodded, "You can tell them, but no one else. Especially not my sister, she'll flip and tell my grandmother. And my grandmother thinks boys are spawns of Satan."
"Oh, she sounds pleasant." Chandler joked, "So where are we sitting for lunch today?"
"It's pretty and not too cold, so I was thinking under the trees in the grass." Monica said with a dreamy sigh, "Soon it will be nasty outside and we'll have to eat in the cafeteria."
Rachel made a face, "In Houston, it never gets this cold. Sometimes we're wearing shorts at Christmas."
"Yeah, but you have hotter summers too." Chandler said with a groan, "And I'd take a cold winter over a hot summer any day."
They walked up to the school building, Ross walking Monica and Rachel to their homeroom. He said his goodbyes and the girls walked in and took their seats, gossiping about some of the other girls in their class that they weren't too fond of.
"So how did it happen with you and Ross?" Monica asked, "When did you two decide to date?"
Rachel looked down, telling Monica about the kiss at the arcade and then their talk, "I don't know, do you think he'll really want to date me?"
"He's totally crushing on you." Monica reassured, "He hasn't really dated anyone else, so it's not like you have to compete with the cheerleading squad....it's Ross, not Joey. Stop worrying, everything will be okay."
"I know...it's just hard not to worry. Something always goes wrong." Rachel complained, "No matter how good things are going."
Monica squeezed her hand, "This time things will be different."
"I really do hope so." Rachel replied. "I just can't shake the feeling something's wrong."
~*~
Rachel, Monica, Joey, Phoebe, Chandler, and Ross were sitting underneath a group of trees, eating lunch and talking, when Amy rushed up to them. "Rach, I need to talk to you, NOW."
"What's wrong?" Rachel asked, rising and following her sister a few steps away, "Are you okay?"
Amy shook her head, "No. We're going to Houston for awhile."
"What?!" Rachel exclaimed, "I don't think so!"
Amy rolled her eyes, "We have to. Grandmother thinks it would be good for both of us to get some closure with Mom and then maybe we'll be able to heal and move on or some crap like that. She came down here to talk to us earlier, but I couldn't find you until just now."
"I'm not going to Houston. I don't care what I have to do. I'm not going. She can't make us. Mom's a criminal! She's crazy Amy!" Rachel said in a panic, "I can't go back there!"
"You don't have to tell me!" Amy snapped back, "I know how wacko she is! But we have to go, we don't have a choice."
Rachel's eyes filled with tears and she turned away from her sister, "I'm not going."
"Grandmother already bought plane tickets." Amy said gently, "I tried to at least get you out of it, but she insisted."
"I always knew she hated me." Rachel muttered, "What if Mom goes crazy and pulls a gun on us? What if she makes us stay there? I can't take it Amy, I'd rather die than go back to that awful place!"
Amy grabbed Rachel's arm tightly, "It's not going to be forever. The only reason we can even go is because she claimed self defense and not like temporary insanity. Grandmother says she talked to Mom and Mom's lawyer...it's only for a few days. She thinks we need to do this before we can move on from Daddy dying. She's right Rachel, after I say everything I need to say to that awful bitch, I'll feel tons better. And you can see your old friends again."
Rachel shot Amy a dirty look, "What old friends? I didn't have any friends there, remember? My friends are here. I don't want to go."
"Tell it to Grandmother, there's nothing I can do." Amy snapped, "I'm not thrilled either, but that's how it's going to be. I just wanted to warn you, so you're not blindsided when you get home today."
"When do we have to leave?" Rachel asked softly, tears threatening to spill onto her cheeks, "And how long do we have to stay?"
Amy hugged Rachel tightly before answering, "We leave tomorrow, and we come back Sunday night."
"Almost a week!?" Rachel asked, her eyes wild, "You're kidding!"
Amy shook her head, "No, we have to pack tonight, so Grandmother said to come straight home."
Amy walked away and Rachel sat on the ground, her whole body showing how angry she was.
"It won't be so bad." Monica whispered, "It's not for too long and maybe she's really sorry about what happened."
Rachel shrugged, "I don't know. I just know that I don't want to go. Why is it that when things just start to go right, something like this comes and screws it up?"
"It doesn't have to be bad." Ross said reassuringly, "Didn't you say your old house had a huge pool and tennis courts and stuff? You and Amy can just hang out and stuff, totally ignore your Mom. They can make you go, but they can't make you socialize with her."
"Don't go into the sunroom." Phoebe said softly, "Trust me."
Rachel looked at Phoebe questioningly, "Why not?"
"Just don't." Phoebe said, standing up, "I'm going to get another soda."
She walked off, leaving Rachel and the rest of the group in a tense silence. "I'd listen to Phoebe." Joey warned, "She's really good at knowing stuff like that."
Rachel nodded, "I know...listen guys, I think I'm going to ditch the rest of my classes and just go home. I really need to talk to my grandmother."
"I'll miss you, be careful." Monica said, giving Rachel a hug, "Call me from Houston, okay?"
Rachel nodded, saying bye to Joey and Chandler. She turned to Ross, and he stood, taking her hand, "I'll walk you home."
"I'd like that." Rachel said softly, letting him lead her away. This was going to be a hard transition, going back to the place where her life had been ruined.
~*~
"I'm not saying you have to forgive me." Sandra said as she drove her daughters away from the airport, "Or even that you have to stay with me. Aunt Cynthia would be glad to have you two over for a few nights. We just need to talk. Betty was right, this is what you guys need to heal."
"We need the last few years back." Amy muttered, "Just because we're here doesn't mean we owe you anything."
"So do you want me to call Aunt Cynthia?" Sandra asked, "I'll take you out for dinner and then I can drop you off at her house."
Amy shrugged, "Whatever."
"Rachel?" Sandra asked, looking at her daughter through the rear-view mirror. Rachel had said a single word since the airport, she hadn't even made eye contact. "Would you like to stay with Aunt Cynthia or me?"
Rachel shrugged, "Whatever Amy wants."
"I wish you girls would work with me a little, is that too much to ask?" Sandra exclaimed, exasperated.
Amy banged her fist on the dashboard, "Yes, it is! Do you have any idea of what you put us through?"
Sandra looked at the road, her face cold, "You have every right to be angry, to hate me, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm your mother and I love you."
"Do you think that makes it any easier on us?" Rachel shrieked, "Do you honestly think we lay in our dingy beds in our tiny room and say to ourselves how much we are grateful you love us? Sure, you murdered our father. Sure, you made our lives hell for as long as I remember, but yeah, it's okay because you LOVE us! That won't change anything!"
Sandra sat in silence for a few moments, while Amy climbed into the backseat and wrapped her arm around Rachel who was trembling. This was all too much for one day. Seeing her Mom, riding in their car, going to their house...and knowing what kind of awful memories would be there. It was enough to make all of her horrible feelings come flooding back. And that was a place she didn't need to be right now.
Amy glared at her mother, "We'll stay with you as long as you promise there aren't any weapons in the house."
"Amy!" Sandra gasped, "I never thought I'd hear something so cold and rude come from your mouth. I would never hurt you or Rachel, you know that."
Amy shrugged, "I thought I did. But I also thought that you and Daddy fighting was harmless, and I believed you when you said neither of you had drinking problems....and where did that lead? I don't even have a home anymore!"
"You have a home in New York." Sandra argued, not really knowing what to say. She knew this would be hard, but she never imagined how angry her girls were.
Rachel laughed, "You call that a home? That's an apartment we sleep in. That's not a home. There's no love in there, no laughter, no feelings at all! We have no home."
"Your inability to love is not my fault!" Sandra shrieked, her face paling when she realized what she had said. They pulled into the driveway, and all three got out of the car.
The house had an eerie silence about it. In appearance, it hadn't changed at all, but there was just a tone of sadness and gloom in the atmosphere around it.
Amy and Rachel followed Sandra in, all silent. Rachel had tears streaming down her cheeks from Sandra's remark, and if looks could kill, Amy would be the one on trial for murder. Sandra walked in the house, in a daze, going into the kitchen and getting the cordless phone, "Pizza or Chinese?"
"I'm not hungry." Rachel mumbled, refusing to meet her mother's eyes once again.
Amy shook her head, "Me either."
"You've got to eat." Sandra pointed out, "I won't poison it. You two have to be starving, you've been in and out of airports all day. If you want, we can go to a restaurant. We don't have to order in if you don't feel comfortable."
Amy shrugged, sighing, "Can we go to the barbeque place?"
Sandra nodded, motioning to the girls' luggage, "Take your bags up to your rooms, and we'll head on out."
Rachel walked into her old bedroom, shocked to see it hadn't changed at all. Her pink bedspread was still balled up how she had left it the morning she left. Examining it closer, the bloodstains from her suicide attempt were there as well. Even the pajamas she had been wearing that night were discarded in the corner, untouched in her absence. Sighing, she laid back against her pillows, enjoying the comfort of her old bed. She was tempted to unpack her clothes, but decided to just pull them out of the suitcases when they were needed.
She stood up, opening each drawer in her dresser, the doors to her closet, anything she could look inside to see a glimpse of the past. Not a thing was touched. She couldn't decide whether to be relieved they had left things for her, maybe they planned on her returning, or angry that they didn't care enough to even enter her room. She lifted up the corner of her mattress, pulling out a journal, which was still locked and in perfect condition. She couldn't believe even Jill or Amy didn't try to read her journals. It was as if when she left, they just forgot about her, pretended she had never existed.
She sighed, sitting back on her bed and picking up the phone, dialing Monica's number. Right now, all she needed was to hear a familiar, caring voice.
"Hello?" Judy Geller said, answering the phone.
Rachel mentally cursed, hoping that either Ross or Monica was home, "Hey, It's Rachel. Is Mon there?"
"She and Ross went to the movies with Joey and Chandler, do you want me to have her call you?"
Rachel sighed, "Yeah, let me give you the number." she said, trying to recall the number she had called her own for so many years.
After hanging up with Judy, Rachel changed from her sweater and jeans into a pair of shorts and a tank top. After all, while it was 35 degrees in New York, it was in the lower 80s in Houston. Glancing in the mirror, she decided to put a hint of makeup on before leaving. Just because she felt miserable and gross didn't mean she had to look it.
She was not looking forward to an evening with her mother. She still was in shock over the inability to love comment she had made earlier. And she still was trying to watch her weight, she hadn't lost any so far, and she was so sick of eating salads with no results. She knew that after this week passed her depression would be out of control. She just hoped her grandmother still was trying to make an appointment for her when she got back to New York. She needed some help.
Walking into the hall, she was almost scared by the silence. She could see the light on in Amy's room, and she was sure her sister was changing too. Making her way downstairs, she couldn't shake the creepy feeling that was overpowering her. She couldn't believe she was in this house. The house her father died in. The house she almost died in. She never thought she'd see it again.
She made her way to the living room, partially looking for her mother, partially just looking to see what had changed.
"Mom?" She called out, "Where are you?"
She wasn't sure if it was being in such a big house after so long, or maybe just being in THAT big house, but something was scaring her. She was never one that particularly scared easily, but at this point, she was afraid she'd pee her pants at a loud noise.
Wandering through the kitchen, she still had no sign of her mother. After checking the entire downstairs, there was only one room left, the one Phoebe had warned her about.
She opened the door to the sunroom and let out a loud shriek. Never in a million years would she have been able to prepare for the sight in front of her. She staggered backwards, her body going numb and her stomach turning. She wasn't sure whether she was going to throw up or pass out, and all she could think of was that she would never, ever forget what she saw. Phoebe was right, she should not have even attempted to go in there.
***Please let me know what you're thinking of this***