A/N: Answers!!

Rightie, most of you (actually, both of you, to be exact) got that Kabul and Tikrit are in Afghanistan, however, 33.33% on a test gets you an F, or an E in Europe, and the rest of the answers are as follows:

Tashkent: Tashkent, capital of Uzbekistan

Ashgabat: Ashgabat, capital of Turkmenistan

Ulaan and Bataar: Ulaan Bataar, capital of Mongolia

No, Rica, you may not have a cookie, but you may have... a marshmallow!

The Nine in Trouble!

Chapter 4

"SUPERCALIFRAGILISTICEXPIALIDOCIOUS! SUPERCALIFRAGILISTICEXPIALIDOCIOUS! SUPERCALIFRAGILISTICEXPIALIDOCIOUS! SUPERCALIFRAGILISTICEXPIALIDOCIOUS!"

Stomp, stomp went the Uruk feet as they clomp clomped to Mordor. To improve morale, they chanted "supercalifragilisticexpialidocious" over and over to the beat of their stomp stomping. Actually, there was no real reason for this, but "improvement of morale" sounded to them like a smart thing to say.

"Ready, halt!" shouted the orc at the front, and half the orcs halted. The other half did not hear him, however, causing rather a domino effect through the ranks.

The orc at the front was extremely irritated. "You idiots!" he roared. "What does it take? What do I have to do to get you to figure out what eights and eights are? Is it too hard for you? Fifteen push-ups, all of you!"

The Uruks got on the ground and did their push-ups, after which they got up once more to grumble to one another.

"Silence!" cried the orc at the front. "Now we're doing eights and eights backwards! Set!"

The Uruks groaned and turned around. They started grumbling with each other once again.

"Set, idiots!" They stopped grumbling and stood up straight.

A rather obnoxious metronome clicked on at the front. The orc turned it up to full volume, so that all anyone could hear was the piercing "Chee-co chee-co chee-co" of the machine.

"Mark time eight!" shouted the orc at the front, and all the Uruks began marking time. Left, right, left, ZZZZZZ... right, I mean left, wait, hold on -

They started marching backwards rather raggedly, stopping every eight steps to mark time for eight again, and in this manner they proceeded towards Mordor.

(Note: For you non- band geeks out there, marking time is a process roughly described as "marching in place." Eights and eights is a marching exercise where you mark time for eight counts, march for eight counts, mark time for eight more counts, etc, etc, until you are called to a halt. Simple, right? Try repeating it exponentially at 200 BPM or so, that's when it's not so simple.)

- Chicago, USA -

"Antidisestablishmentarianism," said Three, "is defined as 'the state of being opposed to working against the existing power structure or mores, as of society or government.'"

The others stared blankly at him for a moment.

"Your point is..." said Eight.

"I dunno," said Three. "Just thought I'd mention that."

Bubba let out a gargantuan belch, which echoed around the cell like a wave of marbles.

They all remained silent for another ten minutes.

"I'm bored," said Three.

"Who gives a - " Eight began to say, but he was cut off by the assent of the other seven.

Four said, "I know. Gollum. Teach us how to talk in that weird croaky voice you have."

Gollum remained silent.

Four shook him awake. "Gollum. Teach us how to talk in that weird croaky voice you have."

Gollum yawned and said, "Fine, Precious, we teaches them. But we is not ejoying it, no, we is not."

Four said, "Just tell us already."

Gollum responded, "It is not easy, indeed no, for it takes us many years to learn it. It must make a funny raspy noise in the back of its throat as it speaks, as if it has a slimy cough and cannot work its voice properly. It must draw out the 's' consonants, yes, and use 'gollum' as a common interjection, and also call itself and the Precious 'precious,' repeatedly. That is all we is saying, precious."

Four said, "Like this, nassty Gollum?"

"Yes, yes, it has it, precious, it has it almost right, it does. Now can we go back to sleep, precious?" said Gollum.

"Yes it can, precious," said Four hoarsely.

Soon the other seven (excluding Eight, as usual) were talking in fluent Gollum, so that Eight had to go to Gollum's corner and cover his ears.

"SHUT UP!" he eventually cried, and they all did.

Bubba burped.

- Somewhere in the northern UK -

"Aequeosalinocalcalinosetaceoaluminosocupreovitriolic," said Professor Granger. "That describes this potion Dumbledore has instructed me to give to the strange visitor. Can you manage it, Severus?"

"Consider it done," he said, stirring together several ingredients in his cauldron, ladling a quantity into a pitcher, and handing it to her.

She exited the dungeons and made her way to the hospital wing. She found Madam Pomfrey at her desk.

"Poppy," she said, handing the potion to her, "here it is. I do hope it works."

"Ah, good," said Madam Pomfrey. "Yes, I hope so too."

* * *

Ten looked about in dismay. Where was he? Why was he here? He remembered something about the Nine irritating him, but then... everything had just gone black in his mind, like a hole in his memory.

It was the Nine! They had done something strange to him, and then sent him here... somehow. He couldn't quite figure out what powers they might have used to do this. But the method was one thing; the crime was another. They had to be punished! And the sooner the better. But how...

He sat, deep in thought, for over half an hour.

At last he hit upon an idea. Crude and simple though it was, it would have to do until he could find some way to elaborate it.

"You there! Gondor woman!" he called to Madam Pomfrey. She pointed at herself, giving a silent "Me?"

"Yes! Do you see anyone else?" he retorted.

"What?" she said, rather annoyed.

"Get me your leader."

"My leader?"

Ten sighed exasperatedly. "Must I repeat everything I say here? Yes, your leader. I wish to speak with him."

"Professor Dumbledore may not be available at the moment," she said primly, as if that settled the matter.

It didn't. "Well, would you check, O vile mortal?" Ten queried.

She sat a moment, looking even more annoyed, but she decided to humor the obnoxious stranger. "All right then," she said, "I'll check." And she left the room.

* * *

Okay, I updated finally! There is chapter 4. Please R/R. Thanx.

~ Anoriel