Neither the story nor the characters belong to me.

Chapter Nineteen

SHIKA

"Babe, can you say that again?" I plugged an ear with my finger and concentrated on the garbled sound of Temari's voice coming through the phone. "I've only got one bar."

We'd been in California over two weeks, sweltering in the now early-August heat, and this was the first location we'd been able to climb up for cell phone service, which meant there were fifteen other loud guys up here, all trying to do the same thing.

I turned south, facing miles of pristine wilderness that had been saved from the fire by a change in weather four days ago. Had to admit, sometimes it was hard to see it as anything but fuel ready to go up at the slightest provocation.

"I said, they found Nolan," she repeated, her voice breaking.

"Nolan." I blinked and wiped the back of my hand across my forehead. Filthy. My hand was filthy, my face was filthy, my clothes were weeks past smelling like anything but smoke. "Is that…"

My previously ravenous stomach turned nauseous.

"The boys' father." She came in crackled at the end, but I got the point "The boys'…father."

Holy shit.

Wait, what did that mean for the boys? And why the hell was it so hard to breathe? I looked down, half expecting to see my chest cracked open or my guts spilled out all over the ground, but there was nothing but ash since we were standing in the black.

"He's on his way here. At least he was about a week ago" she continued.

"And now?"

A week ago? I pivoted, facing the line of flames that continued to march its way down the next ridge toward a line a hotshot crew out of Washington had dug earlier today. Not that it was going to help. I'd seen the weather reports, and I had zero doubt this fire would shift west in the next few hours. But I wasn't a hotshot anymore, so my opinion on the matter was worth shit.

"I'm not sure if he's here yet." Her voice caught, and I could hear the stutter in her breath, like she was trying to rein in her emotions.

"Temari, baby."

Damn it. I wasn't there. I couldn't hold her. Couldn't even talk this out with her considering the lack of service up here.

She sucked in a deep breath.

"He's getting an apartment, and once he's settled, Shizune said they'd start everything up on their end to begin visitation since they already have a court date next week. It's so fast…just so fast."

"But, they don't go right back to him, do they?"

Were they going to be gone by the time I got home? Sweat dripped off my forehead, stinging my eyes.

"No. I guess because he left them when Tayuya was pregnant or something, and now since they're in the system, they have to do their due diligence before…" Her voice drifted off.

The silence was heavy, the weight drowning the perfect, picket-fence future I'd been imagining for our family. Not your family. I tugged at my collar, trying to get some air.

Nolan was coming back. He wanted his sons. Of course he wanted them. Any guy in his right mind would want Hoki and Denki. So why hadn't he?

"We're supposed to be happy, right?" I managed to get out.

"Right," she whispered "We're doing exactly what we said we'd do: keep the boys safe and together until their father was found."

"Then why do I feel…"

There were no words for this. It was like someone had clamped a vise around my chest and started the slow turns that pressed the oxygen from my lungs.

"Like throwing something?" Temari offered, her voice rising into a forced laugh. "Because that's how I feel. Like throwing something just to hear it shatter."

"Yeah. Exactly." I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to think of the positives. Kids belonged with their parents. "Is Denki happy?"

"Like a kid before Christmas," she answered, and this time her little chuckle was genuine. "Shizune told them when she visited on Wednesday. He's been asking every morning if today is the day his dad is coming."

"Good. That's good." I forced a smile, forcing the ugly, vicious wave of jealousy to take a back seat to the greater good. I wasn't Denki's dad. Not really. "Did Shizune say what to tell Denki if Nolan doesn't actually show up?"

Temari sucked in a breath.

"Come on, you and I both know that's a possibility."

The guy didn't exactly have a great track record.

"I guess we'll just have to cross that bridge when we get there."

"Are you okay?" I asked Temari as Naruto stepped into my field of vision.

"No," she softly admitted. "We told them we're willing to adopt the boys. I love them, Shika. I don't want to lose them. And I know this is for the best, but it feels like gravity just reversed and I'm scrambling, trying to figure out which way is up. But I'm putting on a good show for the boys."

"I'm sure you are, babe."

Of course she was. I'd never expect anything less of her. But she was going through this alone—had been going through it for the last week without me.

"Is that my sister?" Naruto asked.

"Yeah."

"Don't worry, Tema," he shouted into the phone. "I'm keeping your husband's dumb ass alive!" He flashed me a grin.

"I'm fucking fine. Keep yourself alive," I muttered.

Temari laughed, and the sound cut through the confusing, intense emotions that battered me from every side, and gave me a glimpse of sunlight.

"Tell him I love him," she ordered.

"She loves you," I told Naruto.

"I'm impossible not to love," he quipped, slapping me on the shoulder.

His face fell as he studied mine.

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah, I'll fill you in back at camp."

Concern flickered through his eyes, but he nodded and took off down the hillside.

"I hate to even think of asking this" Temari started.

I looked out over the burning forest and the giant plume of smoke that filled the sky with ash and soot, dreading the rest of that question.

"I don't know. I wish I did."

"I didn't even get the question out" she teased.

"Babe, you have no idea how many times I've asked when I'm coming home to you. Sasuke is keeping tabs and taking bets on how long it'll be before Kakashi kills me."

He'd already threatened to remove my head a few times. Fine, I was whipped. I missed my wife.

She sighed, long and loud.

"What's containment at?"

Shit, she was breaking up again.

"Thirty-five percent, and you know they're just using us to mop up around here. It's frustrating as hell to watch other crews do the work we're supposed to be doing."

Until we were certified, we were on glorified cleanup detail, taking out hot spots one by one.

"I miss you." The longing in her voice sliced through me.

"I miss you too." I glanced around our group and saw that most everyone was wrapping up their calls, which made sense since the sun was setting.

"Stay safe and bring Naruto home alive if you can."

I could barely make out her words. They were coming out like machine-gun fire.

"Kiss the boys for me."

"I will," she promised. "I love you..."

The line went dead, and my phone beeped, displaying the dropped call icon.

I love you.

The three words I hadn't said to her. They were always there, right on the tip of my tongue, but a strangling, paralyzing fear kept my mouth shut. Those words, more than any other in our entire language, were powerful. Saying them was tantamount to forking over a piece of yourself into the keeping of someone else…someone who could leave whenever they damn well wanted to. There was no contract there, no promise the receiver of those words wouldn't walk away. Once said, those words were theirs to do whatever they wanted to with.

But you're married, I thought as I hiked back down the hill, slipping on debris in places. Wasn't that supposed to be more sacred than the three words of doom? Not really, the other half of me argued. We'd found ourselves in a shotgun situation and we'd taken the leap for the sake of the boys, not each other. Maybe that's why I wasn't fighting her mom's October plans. Maybe I wanted Temari in a white dress. Maybe I wanted the flowers, the photographer, the cake. Maybe I needed them to assure myself I wasn't walking into a relationship just like my parents', doomed to fail.

And now the very reason Temari and I were married was…

I muttered a curse and kicked a burned-out tree limb on the edge of camp as Naruto and Sasuke came toward me.

"What the fuck happened?" Naruto asked, his brow furrowed. "Is Temari okay?"

"She's fine" I assured him through gritted teeth. "It's all fucking fine."

"Sounds like it" Sasuke muttered, stripping off his helmet and shaking out his hair.

"It's…the boys."

"Are they okay?" Naruto stepped forward, panic etching the lines of his face. As much as he'd been against Temari and my relationship, the guy was a sucker for the boys.

I told them the news and watched their faces fall.

"What the fuck?" Naruto barked.

"Yeah," I said softly, trying to process it all and failing.

"So, you're telling me the guy walked out on his family" Sasuke seethed "didn't even bother coming back when Tayuya died, and has now decided to show up?"

"Pretty much." I managed to nod.

"Can you tell him to fuck off?" Naruto snapped "Where the hell has he been for the last four months while you and Temari have been raising them?"

"I don't think that's an option." Happy. I was supposed to be happy. Our job was to reunify families, right? So why the hell did I want to rip every tree in this forest to shreds? Why was I so pissed off at a guy I barely even knew? Rage and sorrow flooded my system, along with the one emotion I fucking hated—impotence. The bullshit about all these emotions was that I couldn't do anything. "It's not my right to question where he's been or what he was thinking. I don't get to determine if he's legit or if he's going to take off running after a week. None of it is in our hands. And I'm not even there." My posture deflated. "She's dealing with this all on her own."

Naruto's weight shifted, the ground crunching beneath him, but he stayed silent. Sasuke glanced between the two of us and put his hand on my shoulder.

"Temari's strong."

"She shouldn't have to be." I shook my head and looked over at Naruto "I'm sorry."

He sighed.

"This is not your fault, man. Temari knew what she was signing up for when she took the boys that first night..."

"Well, if it isn't Konoha."

All three of us turned to see Daikoku Funeno, the supe for the Washington crew, striding our way, four of his buddies behind him, all just as soot-stained as we were.

"Shit," Naruto muttered, moving forward so the three of us stood in a line. Sasuke shifted his shoulders back, tucking his helmet under one arm.

"If it isn't the Pratt River crew," I said, without bothering to force a smile.

Daikoku was an egotistical asshole and had been since we'd served on the same crew six years ago.

"You guys seriously doing this?" Daikoku asked, gesturing to the camp just behind us, where our vehicles and the rest of the Konoha crew was throwing together some dinner.

"Looks like it." My chin rose slightly. "You guys still making shitty calls and cutting lines that won't mean shit in the morning?"

"For fuck's sake," Sasuke muttered, low enough so Daikoku couldn't hear him. "Don't pick a fight."

Daikoku doled out a shit-eating grin.

"You have something to say about our line?" The other guys on his crew stepped forward.

"It's pretty to look at." Naruto shrugged. "But Shika is saying what we both know. She's shifting west, not northeast."

At least I wasn't the only one who thought so.

Daikoku's smile fell.

"Well, why don't you leave that judgment up to the men with the hotshot patches, and you kids keep mopping shit up like the good little crew you are."

The guys at his side scoffed in assent.

"We'll see how it stands in the morning." Naruto folded his arms across his chest.

"Shocked you'd take his side, Uzumaki." Daikoku motioned toward me. "Seeing as he's almost gotten both of us killed plenty of times. You sure you want to sign up with him?"

Fine. That was true. But it had been years.

"Didn't you hear?" Naruto slung his arm over my shoulders. "He's my brother-in-law. I'll take my chances with him."

The sound of approaching footsteps behind us registered, but I didn't take my eyes off Daikoku. He'd never been one to pull a punch.

"You guys are fools" Daikoku shook his head "Resurrecting a dead crew is a bullshit call. Your dads died as heroes. They deserve to retire that patch, and trying to put it on is bad luck. It's not yours. It was never yours."

"Don't ever tell me what my father deserved." My fists clenched, but I left them loose at my sides.

I felt a hand on my shoulder a second before Kakashi stepped past me, positioning himself between us. Daikoku's eyes flared.

"Let's get one thing clear before September. Just because something's never been done doesn't make it bad luck. It's my fucking patch." His voice was low, barely over a whisper, but it carried. "My fucking crew." He took one step forward. "And they were my fucking friends. You don't get to decide how we honor them."

The muscle in Daikoku's jaw ticked, but he took a step backward.

"I meant no offense, Hatake."

"Yeah, well, I damn well took it as one." He turned around, then paused, pivoting back slightly. "And the line you cut today is shit. Twenty bucks says the fire shifts west tonight."

Daikoku's eyes narrowed.

"Don't worry, you can pay up when we see you in September." Kakashi gave him a single nod and then turned back toward us, leveling a stare on me as the Pratt River crew walked away. "Are you hellbent on fucking us over, Nara?" he asked quietly. "Because pissing off Daikoku Funeno is the first way to do it."

"He's an asshole."

And why the hell would we be seeing him in September?

"He is." Kakashi grimaced.

"But that asshole is on the certification team." I winced.

"Yeah, it's like that." Kakashi gave my shoulder a hit as he walked by, headed back toward camp.

"We'll be fine," Neji's booming voice sounded from behind us, and we all turned around, finding what looked like the entire Konoha crew standing at our backs. "And the line they cut is shit."

At least we all agreed on that.