I am sorry. English is not my mother tongue and in the rush I may have made some mistakes.

Neither the story nor the characters belong to me.

Chapter Twenty-One

TEMARI

"They can't seriously be considering giving this guy custody," Shika seethed as he read over the visit notes, pacing in front of the dining room table where I was sorting out a mountain of custom T-shirts. "He was a half hour late—again—which freaked Denki out that he wasn't going to show at all, still doesn't have a crib for Hoki to nap in, let alone sleep, and gave him a cup full of milk. No wonder he puked all over everything. The kid is lactose intolerant."

I folded another Konoha Hotshot Crew T-shirt and put it in the right size pile. The bright orange and red phoenix stood out against the black fabric, and there was an exact replica of the patch on the shoulder.

"You don't think it's bad luck to have these made three weeks before certification?" I asked.

Denial. That's where I liked to live when it came to the whole Nolan situation, and he'd only been back in the boys' lives for two weeks.

Shika ceased pacing long enough to look over at me and shook his head.

"Nope. Because there's no way we're going to fail certification."

"Hmmm." I kept folding, and he resumed pacing.

There was no need to tell him I already knew how worried Sakura was—Shika knew Saku and I didn't keep secrets. Karin Sabaku had been busting her ass and gotten her mile down to where they needed it but was still struggling with chin-ups, and the certification team was doing a virtual in-brief to exchange records and evaluations next week. Two weeks after that, the entire crew would be put to the test, and they'd either be certified as a hotshot crew, or I'd be tucking these shirts away into storage.

"He didn't even come to Hoki's birthday party last weekend, and I know you invited him," Shika ranted.

I smiled at the memory of Hoki smooshing his face into his little cake. How was he already one? He'd started walking yesterday morning too.

"Even you can admit that he would have felt really awkward, considering he didn't know a single person here."

I lifted my brows at Shika and picked up another shirt, cocking my head when I thought I heard movement upstairs. The boys had been down for an hour, but Denki had been getting up more often, his sleep schedule unpredictable since visits had started. When there was only silence, I went back to folding and stacking. I hadn't had a good night's sleep since the call that Nolan was back. Hours would tick by while I laid awake, staring at the ceiling, dreading that the next call would be the one that took the boys, then hating how selfish that sounded in my own head.

My emotions were all over the freaking place.

"He can deal with awkward," Shika argued, tossing the spiral pad into the diaper bag so we wouldn't forget it for the next visit. "It was Hoki's birthday party."

"He got him a present."

I had to defend Nolan. It was the only way I could convince myself the boys would be okay if that's where they ended up.

"You mean that choking hazard of an action figure?" Shika scoffed as he stood beside me, reaching for a shirt to fold.

"So, it was a poor choice of present, but he's…trying." I nearly choked on that last word.

Trying to keep a constantly positive outlook on the whole thing was wearing me the hell down, but I had to balance out Shika's pessimism or we'd both be ripping this situation apart, and that was the last thing the boys needed. It hurt. Everything hurt. Thinking of the day I'd wake up and the boys would be gone? Pain. Packing them for every visit while picturing the very real possibility I would eventually do it for a last time? Pain. Imagining Denki's face if Nolan backed out and ran again? Pain. Seeing the conflict in Denki's enormous brown eyes when things weren't as picture perfect as his five-year-old mind imagined they would be? Excruciating pain.

Everything…sucked. It was like living with a vise around my chest. Every time I adapted and got used to breathing with a little less air, it wound tighter, stealing away more of my oxygen.

"And the milk?" Shika challenged.

I grimaced.

"That was…" Okay, fine, that had been atrocious, and hadn't exactly given me much faith Nolan would step up and learn about the boys and what they needed.

"Shitty parenting?"

"Unfortunate." I hip-checked him and kept folding. "He said he didn't realize that Hoki is intolerant."

"Trust me, I wrote it down that first day in the notebook, and I guess Sir Pukes-A-Lot had no problem reminding him." He smirked.

"Stop rooting for him to fail." I shot him a look.

"Stop acting like he's the best choice." A twinge of hurt rang through his tone.

I set the shirt down and put my hand on his arm.

"If it was a choice— some kind of battle between us and him—then yeah, I would agree. But it's not. And if he fails, then the boys get hurt."

Shika's gaze fell from mine.

"We can't even fight for them. We have no legal standing. No right. Nothing."

"And if we could fight, then I would go to war for them," I whispered, that vise in my chest cranking a little tighter. There was nothing I wouldn't do for them, but we were totally and completely powerless, and that was the worst feeling of all. We were bystanders when it came to the future of our family. "But we can't. He's their father. And he's not perfect. Yeah, he ran away, and I can't even begin to sort through the feelings I have about that— the feelings Denki has about that." Anger didn't begin to do the emotion justice, but this was never about justice. "But there's no history of abuse, and I've read the studies, Shika. The trauma kids go through in these kinds of situations is unbelievable." I stroked his arm, and he looked down at me, the same conflict I felt raging in his eyes. "If this was some kind of competition where the better parenting skills won out, then I think we'd smoke him."

"We'd blast him away," Shika muttered.

Hell yes, we would. The thought was immediately followed by a wave of guilt.

"But the losers in that kind of scenario are Denki and Hoki. Long term, what's best for them is Nolan stepping up, no matter how much it hurts for us to think of them leaving." I couldn't even picture it. The boys had become such a fixture in our lives the last four and a half months that I couldn't picture a future where they weren't here. My throat went tight, and I forced a deep breath through my lungs.

As if sensing how close I was to the breaking point, Shika turned his attention back to the shirts.

"You know what the rules are with these, right?" he teased.

My brow puckered.

"The rules about T-shirts?"

"Yep." He picked up an extra-large and held it against his chest. "You only get to wear them if you're a hotshot."

"Oh really?" I cocked my eyebrow, looking over the dozens of them that littered the table. This was the last time I agreed to help Sakura with anything like this.

Liar.

"There's one other exception." He gave me a heated look that made my breath catch and my knees wobble. Then he put the T-shirt across my chest. The fabric hit me mid-thigh.

"And what's that?"

He gripped my hips and tugged me against him.

"If you belong to a hotshot."

I wound my arms around his neck, the shirt pressed between us.

"Are you saying I belong to you?"

"Absolutely, Mrs. Nara." He nodded, biting his lower lip as his hands slid to my ass. "But I belong to you too. So it's even."

My heart somersaulted as he lowered his head and kissed me. My lips parted and he deepened the kiss, his tongue stroking against mine, lighting up every nerve ending in my body.

Mrs. Nara.

I wasn't yet, not really, but Mom had forged ahead with her plans, and everything was set for the third week in October. All it would take was a simple form, and maybe I really would be Mrs. Nara.

"I bought a white dress," I said against Shika's mouth.

I felt his smile.

"Did you now?"

"It's at my mom's house."

"I put the deposit on the caterer you like," he admitted. Now we were both smiling like fools.

The sound of little footsteps had us breaking apart, and Denki popped into view.

"I'm thirsty."

"I can help you," I said, already moving toward the kitchen.

"Sometimes I wonder how people have more than one kid," Shika teased, continuing to fold shirts.

I turned and walked backward for a second.

"Laundry rooms."

"So soon?" I asked Shizune, balancing the phone between my ear and shoulder.

My hands paused over the keyboard, where I'd been typing the newsletter I sent out every month to the parents of my preschool kids.

"Judge Stone has an opening and we took it," she answered.

"Three days," I repeated her timeline and looked at the calendar on my office wall, my vision blurring.

My stomach fell to the floor and my heartbeat stuttered as the pressure in my chest imploded. Three days? I wanted to throw the boys in the car and drive as fast and as far as my car would carry us. I wanted to yell at Shizune that they hadn't vetted Nolan well enough to be certain he wouldn't abandon them again. I wanted to scream that biology didn't matter, not when I loved them so much they'd become a part of me. I wanted to keep my boys. Bu they weren't mine. Not in the only way that mattered. The edges of my vision went dark.

You have to breathe...

How was I supposed to breathe without air?

"Three days," she repeated. "September first. And this is the hearing where we'll want you to be there. Are you free that day?"

September first. The date was just shy of having the boys five months.

Almost half a year.

"Temari?" Shizune asked.

I blinked rapidly and sucked in a breath, getting control of myself.

"I can be there, but Shika is gone. The crew left two days ago for that fire on the front range."

"Oh." There was a pause. "That's okay, we only need one of you there, and we have you down as their primary foster parent anyway."

"From that first interview" I said slowly.

God, it seemed so long ago.

"Right. So, September first, ten thirty a.m. sound okay?"

No, it wasn't okay.

None of it was okay.

I switched my grip on the phone as I stared at the framed picture of the boys and Shika on my desk. That was supposed to be our family, but in three days, what if it wasn't anymore? How were any of us supposed to function?

"Shizune…"

"Yeah?" Her tone quieted.

"Is he ready for this? Nolan?" I leaned back in my chair. "Because there's a little boy across the hall in class right now who really needs him to be."

There was a pause, so at least I knew she was thinking about my question.

"I'm not sure any parent is ever ready," she said. "But he bought a playpen for Hoki. The apartment is safe. He's employed and there's food in the kitchen. There's no reason to keep them separated if we don't have to."

"Right. Of course." I cleared my throat. "And the boys' guardian ad litem agrees?"

This felt wrong on so many levels, but maybe it was just because I loved them so much.

"She thinks that stability is what's best for the boys, and Nolan's shown every intent on staying here and providing that stability. They weren't placed in care because of Nolan's actions, Temari, but because Tayuya died and he couldn't be found."

"But he said he didn't want them," I whispered, finally giving a voice to the thoughts in my head. "Who in their right mind would ever say they didn't want their children?"

And how the hell was that person ever worthy of getting their children back? It was so unfair to them, asking them to risk their hearts, their trust, for someone who had already proven themselves unworthy.

Another heartbeat passed.

"That's what Nolan's father said," Shizune said softly. "Legally, I have to go by what Nolan said, and his first communication with us was at the end of July, saying he'd learned of Tayuya's passing and was coming to get his kids."

"Right." I nodded, as if she could see me or something. "It just feels so… sudden."

"I know. And I'm so sorry, Temari. I know how attached you and Shika are, and how attached the boys are to you. But it's been a month since Judge Stone ordered visitation, and it's gone as smoothly as we could ask for. It's time."

"Three days," I barely recognized my own voice.

"Three days," she repeated.

"You're not going to make Denki choose, are you?" My grip tightened on the phone as panic crept into my throat. "You're not going to put him in that position in court?"

He'd asked me after last night's meeting with his guardian ad litem if his dad being back meant choosing, and it had just about broken my heart. That was way too much pressure to put on a kid.

"Absolutely not. Faith got all the info she needed without putting that kind of verbiage on it."

"Good. I just don't want him to feel torn."

We hung up and I sat at my desk, listening to the seconds tick by as the tiny hand of the clock made its rotation. How fast would three days fly by? God, if I even blinked, it would already be the first.

My fingers trembled as I opened the phone and dialed Shika. As usual, they were in the middle of the land of no service, but I could at least leave him a voicemail and try to get a message to him through Sakura.

"This is Shika. Leave a message."

So quick and to the point like always.

"Hey, it's me." My throat went tight and my voice cracked. "I know you don't have any service, and I know how bad it is out there right now. But Shizune just called, and they moved the boys' court date up a week, so it's on the first at ten thirty, and they're going to petition for the boys to be sent back to Nolan." I couldn't make myself say home, not when I equated that with our house. "I know that fire is still at zero containment, and I even know there's little to no chance of them sending you home, but I just wanted you to know. I love you, Shikamaru. Stay safe."

Three days.

"Hey, It's me again. I don't even know why I'm leaving you messages like this since I know you aren't in service. Guess I just miss talking to you. Do you realize that we've had Hoki forty percent of his life? I was doing the math earlier because… Well, I guess it doesn't really matter why. They had another visit today, and Nolan was late again, but Shizune said it had something to do with his job. Denki came home crying, mad at his father because he couldn't get Hoki to stop crying. Then Denki got mad at me because Hoki quit crying when they got home, and it took about twenty minutes to even get that out of him. Such big emotions in such little bodies, you know? Anyway, I was thinking that if Gemma—Judge Stone, whatever—orders them to go back to Nolan's that maybe we should send Hoki's crib. He only has a playpen and, honestly, I'm not sure I could bare looking at those teeth marks he put in it without crying if he's not here, you know? I better go before the voicemail cuts me off. I love you. Stay safe."

"Hey, it's me. Sakura said she got a message through to Kakashi, but that part of the certification team is out there with you, so they can't send you home since you're a squad leader. I get it. I just wish you were here. Court is tomorrow, and I don't even know how to feel. That night when I said I'd take the boys, I never saw this coming, Shika. I never saw any of it coming. Not you. Not us. Not the way I feel about them. This is hard. I love you so much, and I just wish you could hug me. I saw that the fire is at eighteen percent containment and that's great. Please stay safe, Shikamaru. I love you."