Neither the story nor the characters belong to me.

Chapter Twenty-Two

TEMARI

I stood outside the courthouse, gathered my hair in one hand so the wind stopped blowing it all over the place, and tried Shika one last time.

It went to voicemail.

"Hey, it's me. I'm headed into court. I'll let you know what happens when we get out. I love you."

I hung up and took a deep breath. Then I walked in.

How different this place looked from the last time I'd been here, or maybe that was because I'd been marrying Shika. Now it felt…efficient. Cold.

Shizune saw me and waved, walking over with a kind smile.

"Good morning."

"Hey." I gripped my phone so tight I thought it might bend.

"So, we're up next. Just wait right here"—she motioned to a set of serviceable wooden benches—"and I'll grab you when it's time."

I nodded, taking a seat.

The wide hallways were mostly empty, which wasn't uncommon given how small our town was. A flash of pink caught my eye as Shika's grams walked in, dressed in simple slacks and a cardigan.

My mouth dropped slightly. I'd never seen her in anything that wasn't her diner shirt or just plain outlandish.

"You didn't think I'd let you sit through this alone, did you?" she asked, plopping down on the seat beside me and shifting her electric-green purse to her lap.

"Thank you." I drew in a shaky breath.

"Shika loves those boys" She shoulder-bumped me, reminding me of her grandson. "He loves you too."

I didn't bother to correct her.

"I bet he's spitting nails at Kakashi for not letting him off the fire," she continued.

"How did you know?"

She waved me off.

"Sakura told her mom, and Marla came into the diner this morning. That's how I knew you were here to begin with." She leveled a stare at me. "You should have called me, Temari."

"I didn't want to worry you. Lame excuse, I know."

Plus, the more people I told, the more real it made this all feel.

"I always worry. That's my job title."

My phone buzzed, the notification startling me.

Shika: Just got back into service.

Shika: I'll be a few hours late, but I'm on my way.

My shoulders felt like ten thousand pounds had been lifted off them. I could get through whatever the next hour brought me as long as he was coming home.

Temari: Thank god. Can't wait to see you.

Shika: Catching a flight to Gunnison. I'll text when we land.

"Temari?" Shizune came over. "It's time to go in."

"Of course." I stood, smoothing out the lines of my skirt in nervous habit.

"Oh, you're going to want to turn that off before we get in there. Judge Stone is a real ass when it comes to phones, remember." Shizune motioned to my phone.

"He's an ass about a lot of things," Grams remarked. "And I'm coming with her."

I typed out a quick text to Shika.

Temari: Headed into court. I love you.

Then I switched my phone off and stuffed it into my purse. My lips turned up at the edges when I spotted Denki's favorite Hot Wheel. It was the fire truck, of course, and I'd had to confiscate it right before he walked into school this morning.

"Ready?" Grams asked.

"Nope," I replied with a smile and shake of my head. "But we're going to do it anyway."

Shizune walked us in and sat us in the row of seats behind the DSS lawyer for the county, Evan Baxter. Shizune took the seat beside him, and Faith, the boys' guardian ad litem, took the table behind theirs.

The proceedings began in a blur. My attention was solely focused on Nolan Clark. He had a medium build, and his dark hair curled a little at the ends, just like Denki's. They had the same nose too, and maybe the same line of their chin, but I could only see his profile from this angle. It had been years since we'd crossed paths, and the gangly frame I remembered had filled out some. He looked healthy... That was a good sign, right?

Gemma said something from the bench, and Nolan stood, leaving his chair out as he made his way to the stand. He was sworn in and took his seat, stating his name when asked to do so.

"And just for record, can you identify the minor children we're about to discuss by their names and birthdates?" Evan asked.

Nolan leaned into the microphone.

"Yes. Denki Nolan Clark's birthday is January sixteenth, and Hoki…Theo…Clark…" His forehead furrowed. "I think Hoki's birthday is the first of August?"

My heart plummeted, and I must have made a face, because Grams's hand was quickly on mine, squeezing in support. That wasn't Hoki's birthday.

Evan tilted his head but didn't correct Nolan.

"Can you tell us what you've done in preparation to take full custody of your sons?"

How the actual hell did he not know Hoki's birthday? Anger and disbelief warred for control of my emotions.

"Sure." He shifted in his seat and tugged at the collar of his plaid button- down. "I've leased an apartment for three years, since I figured that keeping the boys in their usual surroundings was good for them."

There was a nod of assent from the tables in front of us.

"I've got a job on one of Ryan Coulter's construction crews. Pays good money, and he said he'd work with me on hours if I need to pick up the kids or anything." His gaze flicked toward mine and dropped away quickly.

How could two people love the same kids with such ferocity and still be complete strangers?

"I've got the apartment set up, and I know the boys' schedules."

But he didn't even know Hoki's birthday. Shika would be furious. Why are you so hung up on that?

"So you feel as though you're fully prepared and committed to the care of both the minor children?" Evan asked.

"I do." Nolan nodded his head enthusiastically.

"And what kept you from coming right after the death of the children's biological mother?"

My question exactly.

Nolan swallowed and glanced nervously at Gemma, then me.

"I…" He cleared his throat and tried again. "I left Tayuya—their mother—in a bind. I know that. I'm not proud of it either. And when I found out she'd died…" He shook his head. "I guess I didn't know if I could be what the boys needed, you know? There was a part of me that thought maybe they were better off where they were."

Grams squeezed my hand, and I realized I was white-knuckling hers and eased up a little. I was ashamed to admit it, but part of me thought the boys were better off where they were too. Maybe not at first, but after five months? They were adjusted. They were loved. They were stable. They were happy...

They aren't yours.

"But I realized that they needed me. I'm their father. I didn't want them thinking that something was wrong with them, or that I didn't want them. That screws a kid up. And it's not like I haven't screwed up a lot in my life, because I have, but I don't want to mess them up. Tayuya's gone, so I'm all they have. And I'm not perfect, but I won't let them down. Not again." He raised his chin, and I saw it then, a steely determination in his posture, his eyes, that gave me a shred of hope that maybe he would do his best by them.

He answered a few more procedural questions from both Evan and his own lawyer, then stepped down and took his seat.

"Temari?" Evan said gently, motioning toward the stand. "Do you mind answering a few questions for us?"

"Sure."

My knees shook a little as I stood. I followed his lead, walking between the rows of tables toward the stand.

Don't trip. Don't trip. Don't trip.

Tommy Schreiner swore me in, and I stepped up onto the little, railed dais and sat, smoothing out my skirt. Gemma offered me a polite but tense smile. Think of him as the judge, not your ex.

"Can you state your full name for the record?" Evan asked.

"Temari Evelyn Uzumaki." The amplified sound of my voice through the speakers threw me off for a second.

Evan's eyebrows shot up.

"I'm sorry, I thought it was Nara?"

My stomach hit the floor. Then the basement. Then the center of the earth itself. My gaze flew to Grams, whose eyes had widened, but she gave me an encouraging smile. I licked my suddenly dry lips. Was there actual cotton in my mouth, or was I about to have a nervous breakdown?

"I'm married to Shika Nara, but I kept my name," I finally managed to say. Out of reflex, I looked up at Gemma, who quickly masked his look of surprise. "It's kind of antiquated to assume a woman would take her husband's name, don't you think?"

"Right. Yes. Of course." Evan blinked "Okay, so you and your husband are the registered foster parents for Hoki and Denki Clark?"

"Yes."

"And you're also Denki's preschool teacher?" Evan must have seen the confusion on my face, it's not like he didn't know that already since his daughter had been in my class last year, because he quickly clarified the question. "This is just for the record."

"Yes, I'm Denki's teacher, and as of last year, I also own Little Legacies, the preschool. I've had Denki for two years now, and he'll be moving on to kindergarten this fall."

Oh, good God, I was babbling.

Calm down. You're not on trial here.

"And your husband is unable to join us today?"

I nodded.

"Shika is on a fire and couldn't make it back in time." I would have given anything to see his face out there, his brown eyes holding me steady through this.

"And we wish him a safe return." Evan flipped a sheet on his clipboard. "How has Denki handled the transition of his father coming home?"

I glanced at Nolan and momentarily froze. His face was pale and a twinge greenish, and that look in his eyes? The one he directed at me? It was fear. He was just as nervous as I was. Was this the part where I was supposed to find a way to rip him apart? Find something to say that would make Gemma think the boys weren't ready to go home yet? Who would that help? Certainly not the boys.

"It's had both its challenges and its rewards," I answered honestly.

"Can you elaborate?"

"Denki has struggled a little with sleeping since Mr. Clark began visitations, but I think it's more due to feeling unsettled than his father's return." The light caught the diamond on my engagement ring and my chest burned. I wanted Shika to be here with me. He needed to be here. "He's always really excited to go to visits."

"And Hoki?"

"Hoki is one," I said with a little shrug. "He gets a little fussy after visits, but I do think that's because they can get scheduled during nap time, and again, being unsettled is a little hard for kids. He's getting to know Mr. Clark, and I think Mr. Clark is getting to know him."

Nolan nodded. Evan asked another series of questions about the boys' day-to-day life, and then Nolan's attorney stood, buttoning his blazer.

"Mrs. Uzumaki, I can tell how much you care for the boys." His smile was forced, polite.

"Thank you. Both Shika and I care deeply for them." If we didn't, it wouldn't have hurt this much. "In fact, you agreed to be a pre-adoptive home for them, isn't that correct?"

"We did." I flinched. "We are. I mean, yes, when Shizune asked if we would be willing to adopt them, we said yes."

Don't say the wrong thing.

"So it's fair to say that you only want what's best for them?"

"Absolutely."

"Last question. If you could give Denki and Hoki one thing, what would it be? What are they lacking in their lives right now?"

A billion answers flitted through my brain.

"Right at this very minute," he pressed. "Not thinking of the future, but just today."

"Stability," I answered. "They're missing stability. Denki wants to know where he's putting his head down at night, and more importantly to him, where Hoki is. He wants to know what time dinner will be and what the plan is for tomorrow. He just wants stability."

Which he had until Nolan decided to come back. Which he'd only have again if Nolan stuck around or left for good. They let me step down, and I made it back to my seat next to Grams, my heart thundering.

Faith gave her opinion as the boys' lawyer, seconding my own opinion that they needed stability. Then Gemma's eyes met mine across the courtroom and the breath froze in my lungs. He'd never looked at me that way before, even in all the time we'd dated. He was sorry. I knew what his verdict would be.

Four hours. that's all I'd been given to pack up five months of Hoki's and Denki's life. Immediate meant there would be no last bedtime or dinner. No last story or trip to the park.

I'd picked them up early from school and daycare, so at least I had these precious moments as I filled suitcases and duffel bags with clothes and toys.

Denki colored at the kitchen island and Hoki toddled happily in his playpen as I took the sippy cups and bottles from the cupboards and placed them in boxes.

Numb. I was totally and completely numb. I

t was almost like this was happening to someone else. Like I'd stumbled into someone's story and couldn't quite connect with the character. My hands moved, but I didn't recall directing them to. I was on autopilot. I breathed and my heart beat, but that was only because my body chose survival. This was shock, right? I was careful not to examine my lack of emotions too closely for fear that one would slip from its cage and devour me whole.

The only sounds came from the few toys I'd left out for Hoki to play with, and Denki's narration of how his day had gone. I'd turned away Grams's offers to help. Everything about these hours was sacred. Private. I only wanted Shika, and since he hadn't texted, I could only assume he was still in the air.

"And he said we only have to share a room for a little while," Denki said from his stool, his brow furrowed in concentration over his picture. He'd taken the news with the same stoicism he took everything else—too old for his actual age.

"That's awesome," I replied automatically.

"And I told him I like sharing with Hoki. It's okay." He shrugged and kept coloring.

"Hoki is lucky to have you."

I took the stack of bibs from the island drawer and packed them.

"So, I guess we live there now?" He stopped coloring and looked at me with solemn brown eyes. "With my dad?"

I'd already told him, and he'd asked at least three additional times. Not that I could blame the kid for feeling like the answer might change.

"You do," I answered, forcing a smile. "And I'll still see you at school..."

"I start kindergarten soon."

"Isn't that going to be fun?"

I was absolutely not thinking about the fact I'd only have him in class for another few days as I ruffled my hand through his hair and glanced at the clock.I only had five more minutes? How the hell had five months of our lives come down to five fucking minutes? And where the hell was Shika?

Ice-cold panic squeezed my throat, and I shoved it down, forcing it into the box where all my other inconvenient emotions were stashed.

"And we don't come back here?" Denki asked, eyeing the pile of luggage at the base of the steps.

"Nope." I tried so hard to sound chipper and failed miserably. "But I'll see you bright and early at school tomorrow, and you can tell me all about how your first night went. Okay?"

He seemed to ponder this for a moment before slowly nodding. The doorbell rang.

I debated not answering it, but I opened the door. Shizune's face was full of some emotion…maybe sympathy…before she transformed it into a grin as we walked back into the kitchen.

"Are you excited to be going home, Denki?"

"Home." He took his time with the word, like he was testing out the taste of it.

"I'll start loading up your stuff. Temari?" Shizune motioned to me, and I followed her to the pile of the boys' belongings. "I figured I'd give you a minute to say your goodbyes."

"How thoughtful."

She drew back slightly.

"Temari…"

"Don't," I whispered "They've never even spent a night under his roof."

"Judge Stone..."

"Yeah. I was there," I interrupted. "But we did the classes. Aren't you supposed to transition them to weekends or overnights?"

"I get that this is difficult for you," she said softly, her eyes full of some soft emotion that turned my stomach sour.

"You have no idea what this is for me," I kept my voice low. There were no words for what this was. Hell didn't even begin to touch on it. "You're not even giving Shika a chance to say goodbye."

She blinked.

"It's not goodbye, Temari. Not in a town this tiny. You'll see Denki at school tomorrow. And I really wish you could see how well you're doing, how much good you did for these two. Without you, they would have been separated into different homes over the last five months. You kept them together. You're helping put their family back together."

You're ripping us apart. Because at some point it had stopped being about them, and they'd simply blended into us.

"I really hope you and Shika decide to foster again if the need arises." My gaze whipped to hers.

"I'm sorry?"

"Not for Denki and Hoki. I honestly think they'll be okay, or I wouldn't send them home. I mean, in case another family needs..."

"You should pack them up."

I turned away before she could finish and left her to carry their stuff outside. I couldn't see past the next two minutes, and Shizune was already thinking about other kids? I wanted my kids, and she was taking them.

Denki stood next to Hoki, patting his brother's head.

"He's nervous."

I knew he was nothing of the sort, but I played along.

"It's okay to be nervous, especially when there are big changes." The words clogged my throat.

"He's worried he won't see you again." Denki's lower lip quivered.

"He will," I promised him through watery eyes, lifting Hoki out of the playpen and holding him close. He still smelled like the baby shampoo I'd secured in the Ziploc bag so it wouldn't spill on the ride to Nolan's.

"But he's happy too," Denki whispered.

I dropped down so I was at his eye level.

"I hope he's super happy. That is all I want for him. For both of you."

I wasn't going to survive the next few minutes. It wasn't physically possible to survive the misery that threatened to flood every chamber of my heart. Hold it together for them.

Denki's lips pursed and his eyes welled, making my own prickle.

"It's okay to have big emotions, Denki. You can be happy and nervous at the same time. You get to feel however you want. Do you understand?" I brushed a tear off his cheek with my thumb.

"Did we make you mad?" he cried.

"What?"

The shock of his words cracked open that little box I'd shoved my emotions into, and I teetered between the calm numbness that had gripped me since court this morning and pure, ugly, raw chaos.

"Is that why we're never coming back here?"

"No." I snatched him forward, yanking him into a hug, holding them both so tight it was a wonder any of us could breathe. "No, Denki. I'm not mad. I'll always be here for you if you need me. You guys are the luckiest little boys because so many people love you. I love you. Shika loves you. Your dad loves you, and he's waiting at his place—at home—to show you just how much. You're not being punished, honey. All of this is a good thing. It's what you wanted, remember? You said your dad would come, and he did. He's waiting for you."

"I didn't choose." He sniffled in my ear. "I promise I didn't choose."

"Oh, honey." I rocked them both, feeling my composure cracking, preparing to break away in an avalanche. "I know, and I'm glad you didn't have to. The best thing about being little is that you don't have to make the big choices, and the worst thing is knowing you don't get to. And I know you won't understand that until you're older, but just know that everyone around you has tried their hardest to make the best choices for you."

He pulled back and wiped his nose on the shoulder of his sleeve. For once, I didn't correct him. That wasn't my job anymore.

"I love you," he said. "That's okay, right?"

"Absolutely." I smiled, even though he wavered in my vision. "You can never have too many people who love you."

He nodded, and I stashed the rest of Hoki's toys into his diaper bag before handing it to Shizune as I walked the boys to the edge of the porch.

"This is as far as I go," I told them, kissing Hoki's forehead. "I love you, little guy. Try not to puke on everyone, okay?"

Air ceased to exist as I handed him over to Shizune's waiting arms.

"Let's get you buckled in," she said, walking away.

"I'll take care of Hoki," Denki promised.

I dropped down to his level.

"You won't have to." I brushed his hair out of his eyes. "Your dad is going to take care of you both."

Please, Nolan, don't fail them.

He launched himself into my arms, and I clutched him tight.

"I'm so happy for you, Denki," I choked out.

"I'll see you tomorrow." He let go, and I forced my arms to go limp. "And I left you a picture on the island!"

He waved as he raced down the sidewalk toward where Shizune waited. She buckled Denki in as I watched from the porch, then headed back up the sidewalk.

"I just wanted to thank you again for everything you..."

I put my hand up, palm toward her, stopping her before she got any closer.

"Not today."

Turning around, I walked into the house and shut the door behind me, listening until she pulled out of the driveway.

Then there was silence. There was nothing. No toys. No laughter. No hugs. Not even Shika. I was completely, utterly alone.

I stumbled toward the kitchen. I needed Shika, even if it was just to hear his voice through the phone. He had to have landed by now, right? Why hadn't he called?

Wrenching open my purse, I reached in and...No. My fingers wrapped around Denki's favorite fire truck. I pulled it from my bag and the dam on my emotions burst. Agony sunk its claws into my chest and tore me open. With the fire truck in hand, I slid down the edge of the cabinet until my butt hit hardwood, and then I heard the sound of a wailing wounded animal fill the room and echo off the walls.

Where was the happiness that they were reunited? Where was the satisfaction that we'd done what we'd set out to do? Why was it buried underneath mountains of immovable pain? It hurt so much I couldn't breathe, couldn't force my lungs to suck the air past my raw, aching throat. I couldn't stop crying, my sobs ripping through me with such force that I shook.

I should have reached for my phone and called Sakura or Ino, but they couldn't help, and they wouldn't understand.

The only person I wanted, the only one who could truly feel this with me —wasn't here.

He was never fucking here.

For the first time in my life, there was a part of me that hated Shika Nara.