Disclaimer: don't own HP
AN: not quite sure where this is going. Faber Wolffe won't stop giving me ideas, so I'm trying to desperately separate my plot bunnies from hers… will continue if this is popular. Btw, continue means going with some of these flashbacks and running w/ it. Leave me some lovin' (aka: r/r)
"Thtop daddy, pleathe thtop!"
"Stupid sissy. SLAP Can't even bloody talk. SMACK So obviously not my son."
"Thtop daddy, you're hurting me!!"
"Bloody fag PUNCH. Just like your FATHER."
"DADDYYYY!!!!!!" sobs
"Don't you ever call me that, you sniveling brat. You're no son of mine."
[…]
"Wingardium Levi—OOH—tha. Wingardium levi—ooh—tha." tear trickles down face
"It's ok, Master Snape. You'll get it soon."
"Thank you, Profetthor Flitwick"
"Sirius, did you see that Snivellus. Snivellus, or should is say 'thhnivelluth"!!!! HAHAHA"
"Sss ssshh sss……..BE QUIET, POTTER!"
"Why, is ickle Sniveykins gonna cast a spell on me? Oh, wait, I forgot, he CAN'T!!!!!!!"
"Knock it off, James. He can't help it."
"Shut up, Remus, yes he can. He just wants attention."
Another tear trickles down face. And another… And another…
[…]
"Two speckth of wormwood, thtir counterclocwithe, and… Done!"
"Very well done, Severus. You may have a future with the subtle art of Potionmaking."
"Thankth, Profetthor Malfoy"
[…]
"Uh… Lily?"trying desperately to use words with out s's in them….
"Oh, hi Severus. What's up."
"Um…. Would you… I mean, may i…"
"What is it, Severus?"
"Well…. Would you be willing to let me ethcort damn, take you to the Yule Ball?"
"Ohhh, how sweet! I'd love to, bu."
"Great!"
"But I already told James I'd go with him."
"Oh… ok, I'll talk to you later……"
"Bye!"
fervently rubs welling tears out of eyes
James walks around corner
"I told you were nothing but a Snivellus.
[…]
"And now for the oral readings. Mr. Snape, would you please go first."
"…Yes, Professor McGonagall…"
"The Phoenicth tittering ith giggles the only bird that can go through a therieth "you mean series, dumbass"of birth and rebirth. Profetthor laughter Dumbledore is thaid uproarious laughter to…"
"CLASS, PLEASE. Let Mr. Snape finish!! PEALS OF LAUGHTER CLASS!! Oh, Severus, come back, please!"
Severus running from room, robes and tears flowing
[…]
"Gilderoy, I need your help."
"Of course, what is it Severus?"
"My hair… I need help."
"But WHY?"
"You know, the frithiness… I hear you're good with hair charms."
"Oh, that, well… let me try… But remember, whatever I do will be permanent."
"Ok, fine, just do it!"
"ADIPATUS UNCTUS!"
"Well??"
"Uh oh.."
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'UH OH'!!"
"I got the wrong spell."
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU GOT THE WRONG THPELL???"
"Well, take a look…"
"IT'TH GREATHY!!!!"
mumbles "And it'll only get worse…"
bellows "FICTH IT!!"
"I TOLD you it was permanent!"
"Bloody Blundering GIT!!! deep concentrationEX…PELLIARMUS!!! lockhart's wand flies out of his hand; severus beats shit out of lockhart
[…]
"What is this."
"It'th a picture of a friend, thir."
"FRIEND?? You don't have any friends."
"Yeth I do."
"Oh really. Fine then, what is her name."
"Her name is irrelevant, thir."
"Tell me her name, God Damn It!"
"Lily Evans, sir."
"YOU MEAN TO TELL ME YOU'RE 'FRIENDS' WITH LILY POTTER!! CRUCIO!!!!!!"
[…]
"But Dark Lord, it'th impotthhible"
"Nothing is impossible, my son."
"She'll never be mine. He'th got her…"
"Yes, Severus, but she shall bear your son."
"But Lord, how."
"Nothing is impossible."
Severus Snape wakes up bolt upright in his bed, covered in sweat, screaming. Looks around, and realizes that he indeed is awake.
"DAMNED DREAMS!!!