Chapter 4
Catch me as I fall
Say you're here and it's all over now
Speaking to the atmosphere
No one's here and I fall into myself
This truth drives me into madness
I know I can stop the pain if I will it all away
~Evanescence, Whisper
Sark stared at Sydney for a long moment, before refocusing his gaze on the sky above them.
"Fascinating, aren't they? The stars, that is. Anyone can see them, plain as day… yet how many people truly know them?"
"I said enough cryptic talk. I don't care what kind of metaphor that's supposed to be… all I care about is knowing what happened to me, why I have two years of my life missing."
"That doesn't explain why you're sitting next to me."
"Because you know, damn it!" she stood up and began pacing, Sark watching in slight amusement. She stopped momentarily and stared at him intently.
"You do know… don't you?" Seeing the pain and uncertainty sheltered in her eyes, Sark sighed and gave in as she resumed her pacing.
"I know… some of it. I don't know the full two years, just a portion of it." Sydney's mind abruptly flashed back to the dream she'd had. You'll know… seven months, he'd said. She'd originally been afraid that meant it would take seven months for her to find the truth. Now, in light of what Sark had just said, it all made sense. She whirled to face him again.
"Seven months." He looked mildly surprised, nodding slowly.
"Yes… you remember?"
"No… but I had a dream the other night… and you said seven months." Sark raised an eyebrow.
"You've been dreaming about me?" she shot him a glare.
"Don't get any ideas." He merely smirked in response.
"Yes, I know of your whereabouts for the seven months prior to your… appearance in Hong Kong."
"Why won't you tell me?" she asked softly.
"Because this is something you need to realize on your own. Besides which, I highly doubt you'd believe the things I could tell you."
"And yet this little game of yours allows for you to leave mysterious notes in my car?" Sark smiled lightly.
"The proverbial rules of this game say nothing about giving you minor hints." Sydney threw her hands up in frustration.
"Damn it Adam, this isn't fair! Everything about-" she abruptly cut herself off mid-tirade, and stood there motionless for a moment, before slowly facing him. She discovered a look of utter shock on his face that soon melted into a full-fledged smile. She blinked in surprise.
"Did I just… is that really your…" he nodded, the smile still firmly in place. "Adam… Adam Sark."
"The one and only," he said lightly. She slowly sat back down next to him, a bit closer this time.
"Those seven months… we were together." He hesitated in replying, not sure if it really needed a response.
"Yes."
"Doing what?" There was another silence, only this time, he wasn't the one to break it. "You don't want to tell me," Sydney deduced.
"I still feel it's in your own best interests to remember it for yourself. Not only will it become a true part of your memory, which wouldn't necessarily be so if you were to simply hear it from me, but there's also the fact that I'm not yet sure you'd believe me."
"Look, Sar- Adam, with everything that's happened in the short time I've been home, I'm inclined to believe whatever you may have to tell me."
"Which I find even more troublesome. In that case, I could make up anything, and you might believe it." Sydney rubbed her jaw thoughtfully, but made no reply. "Do you understand my reasoning?" Sark asked.
"Yes, I do… but I don't think you can possibly realize how much this is tearing me up. It seems like I'm completely out of the loop on everything, including my own life… and I hate it."
"I can understand that, to an extent. And I hope you believe me when I say I'd like nothing more than to make it all right again. But Sydney, you're the only one who can do that." There was an amiable silence until Sydney spoke again.
"I have all these… images in my mind, just small flashes of memory, not enough to really grasp, but enough to… to know it feels right."
"What feels right?"
"This." She gently took his face in her hands and lowered her lips to his. He was initially shocked, but deepened the kiss moments later. Before it could progress any further, a startled voice interrupted them.
"What the hell is going on here?" Sydney and Sark instantly broke apart and jumped to their feet to find Vaughn staring at them.
"What concern is it of yours?" Sydney demanded.
"Oh, you mean aside from the fact that you're sitting here kissing an internationally wanted terrorist who escaped from CIA custody nine months ago?"
"Whoever I decide to kiss is not your business anymore, Vaughn, and neither is his status on the CIA watch list. You're no longer Agent Vaughn, and I'm no longer your girlfriend." Her words seemed to be a shot to the heart, and Vaughn barely managed to stumble over a reply.
"Look, Syd, you don't understand-"
"Understand what, Vaughn? The fact that you got married? You're wrong… I do understand. I may despise it- as well as you, at the moment- but I understand it. The difference is, you've had two years to adjust to the things that have changed, and I've had two weeks."
"I'm sorry," he said quietly.
"I know," she replied. "Something I have to know… just one thing. Did you ever… were you in love with me?" A mix of confusion and pain covered Vaughn's face with that question.
"Syd, yes… of course. You know that. I sti-"
"No! Whatever you're going to say… don't. Please, just don't. Vaughn, you have a wife now, and I refuse to allow myself to be put in the middle at all. I meant what I said earlier- I can't handle seeing you right now."
"I know. I started to go home, but I just couldn't leave things like that. So I turned around and came after you. Are you sure it's safe for me to leave you with him?" he questioned, his eyes drifting to where Sark stood, watching the interchange. Sydney answered without hesitation.
"Yes." With nothing more than a nod, Vaughn walked away. Sydney collapsed onto the bench, rubbing her forehead tiredly.
"Are you all right?" Sark questioned, making himself as comfortable as possible on the cool wooden seat.
"Yeah… I just don't understand."
"Understand what?"
"How it can be possible to feel this way about two different men." Sark said nothing, silently urging her to continue. "I loved Vaughn… but that was two years ago. Everything's changed. Those feelings won't just disappear, but at the same time, I can feel that you and I- whatever we had- is right. I may not remember it, but I know it's real."
"Yet again, Sydney, the only one who can sort these things out is you; no one else has the answer. And until you can understand and make sense of all that you currently know, I will not add anymore for you to figure out. Just remember one thing Sydney: this above all, to thine own self be true." She gave him a weakened smile, and a moment later, he was gone.