I'll have a Blue Christmas without you.
I'll be so blue thinking about you.
Decorations of red on a green Christmas tree
Won't be the same, if you're not here with me.
And when those blue snowflakes start fallin'
And when those blue melodies start callin'
You'll be doin' all right, with your Christmas of white,
But I'll have a blue, blue, blue, blue Christmas.
Elvis Presley
After the bell rang dismissing sixth period, Jon finally had an opportunity to talk to Audrey about Shawn's Christmas wish list. He walked up behind where she was at his desk organizing that period's homework collection. He was just about to put his hand on her shoulder when he caught a glimpse of the open classroom door. Quickly shoving his hand in his pocket, he backed away from her and walked around to the other side of the desk.
"Shawn gave me his Christmas list today." He held the paper up to her so she could see it.
"Really?" She seemed amused. "He's running a little late, isn't he? Don't most kids have their lists filled out right after Thanksgiving?"
"I wouldn't know," he laughed. "Here. Check out what's first on the list."
Audrey looked at him quizzically as she took the paper from him. She looked at the first item on the list then gave him a wide-eyed, confused look. "Me?"
Jon nodded. "He wants you to spend Christmas with us."
Audrey's smile faded and she pressed her lips together into a tight line. "I wish I could. But I've already arranged to be with my dad for Christmas and here for New Year's."
"He knows. He was just hoping somethin' could be worked out."
Audrey studied the list. This wasn't just any list. It was very carefully written. Never had Audrey seen such tidy and readable handwriting from Shawn. Every word was lined up carefully with the word above it; everything was neatly and evenly spaced. Audrey wondered how many times Shawn had rewritten it to make everything so perfect. It was obvious that this was very important to him. If the care taken in writing caught her heart, the content of the list itself caught her breath. She found it incredibly sweet but also incredibly sad.
My Christmas List by Shawn Hunter
If I can only have one thing, I would like the first one on this Christmas list.
1. Audrey
2. Decorate a Christmas tree
3. Make Christmas ornaments
4. Go to the Christmas Village
5. Send out Christmas cards
6. Go sledding
7. See the neighborhood Christmas lights
8. Go on a sleigh ride
9. Bake gingerbread cookies
10. Drink hot chocolate
11. Roast chestnuts. (Ask what chestnuts are)
12. Roast marshmallows in a fireplace.
13. See the Christmas Light Show
14. Go Christmas caroling
15. Make a gingerbread house
16. Go ice skating
17. Help at the Apple Tree Family Central Center shelter Toy Drive
18. Go to a candlelight church service
19. Watch Home Alone and other Christmas movies
20. Hang stockings
21. Wake up with family on Christmas Day
"Oh, Jon," she breathed, tears gathering in her eyes. "This list… especially number 17!"
"I know. If that isn't the mark of a good kid nothing is."
Audrey bit her lip as she reread the list again, twirling a lock of her ginger hair in between her thumb and forefinger. "You know," she said slowly, trying to think. "My dad really isn't aware of the seasons anymore. He barely remembered what Christmas was last year, I doubt he'll remember anything this year." She let go of her hair and tapped her finger against her chin. "I'll have to check with the hospice to see what their holiday visitation schedule is after Christmas."
Jon looked up at her, hopefully. "So you'll stay?"
She nodded slowly. There was a sad look in her eyes that he didn't understand. "But Jon, this means that if I go after Christmas I probably won't be back in time for New Year's Eve."
"Oh." He tried to hide the disappointment in his voice. He'd had New Year's Eve planned since before Thanksgiving. Eli invited him to a New Year's Eve party given by an acquaintance from his days in the news media. As it turned out, that acquaintance had a girlfriend who once danced with Audrey at the American Ballet Theater. The girlfriend reached out to Audrey and invited her. Jon saw this as the perfect opportunity for them to go out without actually going out. If anyone from school found out, they had an alibi: Eli invited him, and the hosts invited Audrey. He had nothing to do with her being there.
Technically.
Audrey nearly declined the invitation until Jon convinced her she should go. And if she felt uncomfortable at all she could just stay with him the entire time. She told him that she was already uncomfortable and would need to stay with him, which was exactly what he was hoping for. The plan was perfect, and they were unlikely to ever have this kind of opportunity again.
But now it looked like they wouldn't have the opportunity at all. Jon folded his arms across his chest and forced his expression to be neutral. When he met her eyes, there was a storm of disappointment in them. She also held the list, turned towards him, as if to say, "how can we not do this?".
"I'd rather have you with us for a whole week than just one night anyway," he said as though the broken date was no big deal. He took the list from her and frowned. "Is Richie really that bad off, Aud?"
"Right now, he is. His days are all over the place. The nurses call every day, but they say there's no point in coming home unless he has an extended crisis. By the time I could get back, he'd be okay again."
Jon shook his head. "It's not right for me to take you away from him."
"I think it'll be okay, Jon," she said softly. She understood the source of his discontent. He was feeling guilty about being away from her father for so long. "He asked about you when I talked to him yesterday."
He looked up in surprise. "Really?"
There was once a time in his life that Audrey's father had saved him from himself and stepped in when his parents stepped out. His contact with Richie over the years was sporadic and he had no explanation, no excuse, for that.
She smiled. "He'd like you to call sometime. He misses you."
Jon nodded and smiled, then a feeling of extreme guilt overtook him. "I should do that tonight, if you think it'd be a good idea."
"Visitor calls have to come in before 6. And I think he would love to talk to you tonight."
"If you can come over tonight, maybe we could both talk to him, and we can plan how to do this list? This may take most of the month."
Audrey grinned, but her attention was caught by something at the door. Jon followed her gaze and his heart started to race when he saw Mr. Feeny standing in the door watching them. The principal gave them a tight smile and small wave before moving on. Jon let out a sigh of relief and prayed the principal hadn't heard anything they were discussing.
Decorations of red on a green Christmas tree
Won't be the same, if you're not here with me.
I'll have a Blue Christmas that's certain
And when that blue heartache starts hurtin'.
You'll be doin' all right, with your Christmas of white,
But I'll have a blue, blue Christmas