By: FayeValentine00
Chapter 14
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Harry nodded his head and took her hand in his. He walked her back over to the fire and sat down on the only couch in sight. She didn't sit at first, instead, she stood towering over him with an emotionless stare. It was at that moment Harry realized that Hermione knew what was going to happen. The stone expression on her face and the blankness in her eyes told Harry that she was already prepared for the worse. Every one of her defenses was up and he couldn't blame her one bit.
"Are you finally going to tell me?" She asked softly.
"Will you at least sit down?" Harry took her hand and pulled her into the set next to himself. He wanted to give her a big hug and tell her how sorry he was for everything but he couldn't hurt her anymore then he had to.
"Tell me what's going on." Hermiones eyes focused on her left hand that was currently entwined with his.
"It's not that easy, Hermione. I-," Harry began to speak but was cut off by a rather shill, McGonagall like, tone.
"I'm not a little girl anymore, Harry. I know you too well. Something's bothering you and it's been bothering you since Hogsmeade."
A heavy sigh escaped his throat and he squeezed his hand a little tighter before beginning. "It's everything. I mean, things have been on my mind since Ron died and it only seems to be getting worse. It's like my entire life is one awful snowball effect of misery. No matter how hard I try to protect people, it seems like all I ever do is make things worse."
"Don't say that."
"But it's true. Think about it. First, my parents are killed just because of some stupid prophecy that was made about me before my birth. Then there was Cedric. He was only killed because he got sucked into the portkey that was meant for only me. Voldemort didn't even know who he was, for God's sake! Then there was Sirius," He sucked in a deep breath at the memory and then forced himself to continue.
"Sirius was only killed because of my stupidity. I thought that we were going to the ministry to save him that night, yet he was the one who ended up dying while trying to save me! The last person was Ron. You were there with me, Hermione! You heard what those Death Eaters said. Voldemort is just killing people to get to me. He wants to see me crack. It's all too much. I can't just wait idly while everybody who means anything to me is killed."
By the time Harry stopped speaking, his eyes had become misty and his hands were visably shaking. Hermione didn't speak for a long time. Instead, she pulled his head to her chest and just held him tightly. Even though she knew everything he'd just told her, it was the first time he'd ever laid everything out so plainly.
"It will be okay, Harry. Somehow, everything will work out. We have each other, right?"
Hermione felt his entire body go rigid at her words and it took every bit of control not to react. It was the reaction that she'd had nightmares about for the last 2 days.
"I don't know anymore."
"Harry Potter, do you love me?"
His head shot up as if he'd been smacked in the face. His eyes met hers and he quickly wrapped his arms around her in a brief but powerful embrace. "Of course! I'll always love you."
Hermione smiled and pulled out of his embrace, looking him in the eyes once more. "Then we'll always have each other."
To her surprise, Harry leapt out of his seat and began pacing in front of the fire. "It can't stay like this, Hermione. Everyone's saying so, Bill, Charlie, Dumbledore and it seems just about every other member of the order as well. They all think that just my being near you has put you into danger. Voldemort knows about us, Hermione. He has seen the papers. He knows that you, above all people, are the one that I couldn't handle losing.
Dumbledore says that their are people watching us all the time, even here at Hogwarts! They report everything that we do. As long as Voldemort hears that we are close, you are in danger. As long as we're together, he won't stop until he kills you, Hermione. I will not be that selfish!"
"Selfish?" Hermione finally jumped to her feet screaming, her emotions spilling out. "Wanting to finally find a little bit of happiness makes you selfish?"
"It's not that easy!"
"Yes, it is! Screw Voldemort! What are you supposed to do? Are you supposed to crawl in a hole, away from all human contact, just so no one is in danger?"
"I don't care about anyone else, Hermione. The only one I care about is you!"
The two stood before the fire, shouting at the top if their lungs but neither cared. Anyone who knew the couple, teacher or ghost, would know not to get involved in this conversation.
"If you cared then you wouldn't be doing this," Hermione spoke a bit softer, knowing that the conversation was going worse then either had expected. She'd honestly thought that she would have been able to let Harry do what he thought was necessary but now that the time had come, she realized that she simply couldn't.
"I'm doing this because I care!"
"So, what are we supposed to do according to the Order? Do we break up? Do we act like we've never met?" Her voice nearly cracked at the last thought but she forced herself to maintain composure.
"Dumbledore says that the only way Voldemort is going to believe that we are no longer close is if he recieves the word from his own spies. They have to believe that we no longer have any contact." As he spoke, Harry sat down on the couch again and put his forehead into his hands.
Hermione's whole body seemed to lose it's strength. She just slowly sunk to the floor and sat in front of the fire. There were no tears, no more screaming. "We can't do this, Harry. We were the trio, right? I've already lost Ron and I known he's never coming back. Am I supposed to just go on with my life, knowing that you're alive and well but also knowing that we can't be together just because of some danger?" She sighed and rubbed her neck a bit rougher then necessary.
"I don't like this anymore then you do."
"Bullshit, Harry," Hermione whispered while leveling a dangerous glare at Harry. It was a glare that he'd never seen on her before.
"Hermione, I--"
"No," she said slowly, her eyes beginning to light up again. She obviously had a plan and when she looked into his eyes a moment later, Harry couldn't help but be worried. "I won't let you do this."
"I have to, Hermione. I can't risk you're life. I know it will be hard but we have to stay away from each other. We have no choice," he spoke, climbing to his feet and walking towards the door. His plan was to leave the room before she could try to change his mind but it was already to late for that.
"We do have a choice. Actually, I have a choice and I've already made it."
Harry had already begun to turn the doorknob but froze at her words. She was up to something and Harry was sure that he wasn't going to like it one bit. He slowly turned away from the door and met the eyes of the girl he'd known for the last seven years. There was something new in her eyes tonight. Something seemed to have clicked in her head because she looked stronger and more formitable then he'd ever remembered seeing in the past.
"What are you talking about?"
"I'll follow you, Harry. I'll go everywhere you go. I'll be like your own personal plague. Everyone will talk about it. I'm sure we'll make the front page of the Prophet every single day."
"You can't," he said bluntly, forcing himself to push all emotion from his voice.
"Oh, no? I'd like to see you stop me. What will you do, hex me?"
"If I have to."
Hermione let out a loud, sarcastic laugh full of the anger and bitterness that she currently felt in her heart. "I'd like to see you try."
Harry's patience finally ran out and he grabbed her by the arms, shaking her slightly as he yelled. "This isn't a joke. This is life and death, dammit! I will not put you in danger. I am not going to risk losing you."
"Stop saying that!" She yanked out of his grasp, all humor now gone from her expression. "I know this isn't a joke, okay? I have to live everyday with the knowledge that people are out to kill me but I will not let it ruin my life! I won't! Besides, what was all that shit you said earlier in the meeting with Jessica. You said we were a team! What happened to that? Suddenly it's just not good enough just because of what the Order thinks?"
Her eyes began to mist over with tears of frustration. She wanted to scream more or hit Harry. Anything to make the man before her understand that he can't always save everyone. Their eyes locked for a long time and Hermione saw most of the same emotions that she had, mirrored on his face.
After a few long moments, Harry threw his arms in the air with a frustrated groan and turned to the door once more. "No, Hermione. I mean it."
He had one foot out the door before she yelled once last phrase that stopped Harry in his tracks yet again. "I love you."
"Don't, okay? We - We just can't," but even as he spoke the words, his resolve was slipping away. He was afraid that one more look into her eyes would be his undoing.
"I don't accept that. It's not over now and it won't ever be over. No matter what you or anyone else thinks, we need each other and you know it."
"Dammit!" He muttered under his breath, stepping back into the room and slamming the door behind him. "Why can't you ever just agree with me for once?"
"Because that would make life too dull," she answered in a voice that gave away the smile on her face even though he hadn't looked.
"I just want you safe."
"I'll be safe as long as I'm with you."
Hermione took his hand and lead Harry back over to the couch where the conversation had begun. She placed her fingers under his jaw and pushed his head up until they were looking eye to eye. "I won't let it end like this. I don't care about danger or evil or threats. I love you. All I care about is being with you, okay?"
Harry looked into her eyes for a long time, taking in everything that was said. His emotions tore at him so strongly that he was sure that he'd rip into two at any second. He knew that there was no way to keep her from danger if they stayed together and he knew that the right thing to do was just to end it all now. The problem was, Harry also knew that he didn't want it to end. He simply wanted to pull Hermione into his arms and kiss away all the worries that filled her eyes.
Ultimatly, the later of the two solutions won out. Some might say that Harry was weak or maybe even whipped but he knew that he couldn't possibly walk away from Hermione when she looked at him like that. He reached out and pulled her into his arms, kissing her lightly and stroking her hair. It took her a moment to realize that he'd finally given in but once she relaxed a bit, the walls of defenses came crumbling down and she wept openly into his chest.
"I'm sorry, Hermione. Everything will be okay now," He whispered softly as he rubbed her back to calm her. "I love you, too. We'll be fine. I'll keep you safe, I promise."
Harry knew that the next day he would be doing a lot of explaining to Dumbledore and possibly even the Order but he didn't care. All he cared about was Hermione and he realized now that he'd almost made the biggest mistake of his life. Without her, he was nothing but a shell of a person. She was as essential to him as the air he breathed. Walking away would have been like walking out on the only piece of his life that had ever brought him joy.
Tomorrow would bring it's own number of worries so tonight the two were content to simply lie in each others arms and thank god that it hadn't ended much differently.