Notes:

happy N7 day!

Jack sat at his small personal desk the next morning staring at the resignation letter he wrote to the Alliance Brass. His first instinct was to go over the Captain's head to get what he wanted. Though the act of sending the letter was harder than he originally assumed it would be as his mind was plagued by indecision. Despite Anderson making it abundantly clear Humanity as a species needed him to become a SPECTRE, it was difficult for him to see the situation going anywhere other than a tragedy. Kaidan's injury stood as a thankfully living testament to Jack's inability to lead anyone in battle anymore. His scars fighting Batarians were deep having been forced to carry the guilt surrounding the catastrophe of Torfan on his shoulders alone for far too long. David may have said his mother Hannah would be proud of him yet in actuality she would probably be disgusted with him for being so selfish. All that being said, Jack's finger hesitated before thinking about tapping send on his omni tool.

For one thing David was right to assume Humanity needed a SPECTRE following the attack on Eden Prime. There was no indication that the Geth would stop at one colony, especially if they had been manipulated into believing they were helping organics by killing them. Jack could potentially save thousands of Human lives from the Geth by becoming a SPECTRE. There was the possibility that by just going public with the nomination the Geth would retreat behind the Veil never to be heard from again. He couldn't imagine a world where the Geth wanted the Council races taking back Rannoch in exchange for a few Human colonies. If that wasn't enough to weigh his decision-making process down, Nihlus' terrified face at the prospect of dying was. The Turian had been counting on him to bring his killer to justice. Could he really ignore the last wish of a man who saved his life?

He glanced down to the data pad on his desk that Nihlus gave to him in his last few seconds of life, "Once we crack you, I'm done."

After saving a draft of the resignation letter, Jack got to work typing up a condolences letter to Richard Jenkins' family. It technically wasn't his responsibility since Captain Anderson had been in charge of the mission however since Torfan, he got in the habit of doing so as well. On that day alone he had probably written over four hundred letters expressing regret for their loss, he even wrote one to himself. Today was much easier since he hardly knew the man, he made sure the parents thought of him as a hero and not the sadder truth. His death was just another puzzle that was being thrown to the side in favor of finding out the identity of Nihlus' killer. The investigation hit an immediate brick wall when it was discovered the data pad that Nihlus provided was encrypted by multiple layers of security. To unlock whatever was inside they would either need an excellent hacker, or his personal password. Shepard couldn't do anything right now to fulfill his promise to the Turian SPECTRE at the moment so, he decided dealing with Ashley could take priority.

He left his quarters as soon as he could spotting Ashley was standing in her usual spot for this time of day at the coffee machine. While the attack on Eden Prime was affecting the crew in a multitude of ways, Ashley was keeping her reaction completely under wraps. On some level Jack could understand she was staying professional as a defense mechanism to protect her reputation. Living under the shadow of a problematic father must make her feel as though she always had to perform at two hundred percent of everyone else. In this scenario though, Jack perceived her rather light attitude to the whole thing as insensitive when compared to the otherwise dour atmosphere on the ship. The Alliance was looking at the prospect of being embroiled in another war only six months after fending off the brutal Batarians and she was acting as though it was another Monday. Maybe he could talk with her to work on their issues prior to the Normandy reaching the Citadel.

She looked tired as Jack walked towards her, "Gunnery Chief, how are you holding up?"

Ashley looked confused that he was using her rank to address her since they were off the field, "Ok sir, disappointed we lost Richard though, he was a good kid. Probably would've made a good solider someday."

"We did all we could for him Ash, sometimes missions go south for reasons totally out of our control. Though sometimes it's also important we reflect on what is in our control that we might have done wrong." The sentiment was an inditement on his own behavior throughout the Blitz as much as hers on Eden Prime.

Ashley apparently took the comment in a far more insulting manner than he intended, "Don't you think I know that? I just felt like I had to stop that woman from getting away with killing him. We both know with everything else that's just happened his death will slip between the cracks."

"Believe me when I tell you I understand wanting to disrespect a superior's orders because your heart has other ideas. Let me also tell you that following that instinct can get people killed. We got lucky; Kaidan was only injured in the fighting. That doesn't mean that luck can last forever." Jack could see the Einstein exploding in his mind's eye as he did his best to guide her into not making his old mistakes.

Ashley rubbed the back of her neck seemingly becoming fairly uncomfortable, "That's funny."

"What's funny?" Jack asked having no idea how the discussion led to that.

Ashley developed a frown trying to decide if she should say something, "Well sir, before the woman who killed Jenkins got away, she told me I was one of the lucky ones. She implied that usually most members of your squad end up dead. I assume she was making something up to make me doubt your leadership..."

Jack's gears raced at the implications of what that kind of warning could mean. The fact the majority of his team died on Torfan was public record for those truly curious. What Jack found suspicious was the fact that Jenkins killer knew he was the same Commander Shepard who participated in the Blitz. Had he told her his name when the two of them met? Even if he had, it was still odd a member of ExoGeni would have his losses engrained in their memory. The darker implication his mind went to was that this woman knew just how responsible for Torfan he truly was. Could their next step be exposing his personal involvement in the catastrophe? Should he tell David that his nomination to the SPECTRE could be derailed by an intergalactic scandal that the Alliance didn't need right now? He ultimately decided that unless he learned more there was no reason to jump to wild conclusions. Only a handful of people knew the truth of Torfan and none of them had any reason to disclose said secret.

Ashley had kept talking while he had been lost in thought, "...I mean, you didn't just start yelling at me for disobeying orders and actually talked to me so you can't be that bad. Right?"

He gave her an innocent enough smile offering a shrug, " I uhh, appreciate the confidence in me. All I can say is the Blitz left a mark on everyone I know, I can only hope I did the right thing for my team."

Ashley clearly wanted to say something else when both of them spotted a member of the crew walking over to the mess hall looking to make himself breakfast. The man was tall with broad chunky shoulders as well as ebony hued skin that contrasted sharply with his blue Alliance fatigues. He was the stereotypical poster child for the army in his physique except for a large patchwork of scars that stretched across the entire right side of his face. Jack guessed they could be burns the man sustained during his military service. The scars themselves were healed yet they still had an angry look about them suggesting he didn't use medi-gel to fully remove the injury. He was told some women were attracted to scars so perhaps the soldier was playing to that demographic back home. Despite his rather grizzly appearance, Jack didn't get the feeling it weighed the man down at all. He was moving with an air of pride having served Humanity and sharing no regrets about it. Jack wished sometimes he still had that ignorant view of the Alliance from time to time.

The man was seemingly oblivious to their earlier discussion speaking to them from one of the mess tables, "Hey how's it feel to be described as the heroes of Eden Prime you two?"

Ashley turned towards him showing legitimate surprise, "What the hell are you taking about? The mission is surely still classified."

The man shrugged looking up at them from his seat, "I thought that too but when I woke up, I saw a picture of you guys on Emily Wong's morning show and that's what everyone is calling you."

Jack frowned, that wasn't procedure after an incident like this, "What are they saying about the chances of a war?"

The other man suddenly looked grimmer, "It seems inevitable, the Geth aren't exactly known for their negotiation skills. That said if the Council won't lift the fleet restrictions set up by the Treaty of Shanxi, we're probably all screwed."

He may have been down the totem pole in terms of command, yet this random crew member saw the writing on the wall as clearly as anyone in the Brass. The Treaty of Shanxi written by the Asari as a compromise to end the First Contact War stated that the Alliance could only field a fleet of one hundred ships strong to protect their space. Humanity reluctantly accepted the agreement merely to protect themselves from further Turian aggression. In contrast, the Turian Hierarchy was pleased that the Alliance would face some sort of consequence for nuking Shanxi into a wasteland. Ashley had to be feeling the sting of knowing her father's actions all those years ago could once again be responsible for further Human suffering. It was the first time Jack thought that perhaps the Normandy rushing back to the Citadel was more of a political move than an investigation focused one.

"You don't really think the Council would stop us from protecting ourselves six months after the Blitz, do you?" Ashley asked anxiously less sure of the Council's generosity by the second.

Jack didn't want to sugar coat their chances as it wasn't fair to her intelligence, "If the Council thinks we can beat the Geth on our own I doubt they'll lift a finger. Their goal is to maintain galactic balance, not play favorites."

The other crew member had a more optimistic tone, "I don't know, I've learned to never bet against Ambassador Udina. I'm sure he already has a plan to move a few mountains."

Their political ramblings came to a halt when Joker's voice filtered through the intercom, "Hey everybody we just made it out of the last Mass Relay and are making our final approach to the Citadel. If anyone hasn't seen it before -cough- Jack -cough- feel free to come on up."

Jack chuckled shaking his head at the fact that Joker would make fun of him in front of the rest of the crew. He had no idea his lack of visiting the Citadel was common knowledge. Having spent all of his military career out on the fringes of Alliance space, he never had time to venture this close to the core. From what he had seen on popular media was that the Citadel was a giant starfish shaped station where millions of citizens from the Council races lived. The center of the station known as the Presidium housed politicians of multiple species in an opulent paradise. On the other side of the economic scale, each arm of the station known as the Wards were depicted as seedy as the pirate den of Omega. He was excited to see if the actual station matched the dramatization or if the difference in societal strata was more blended.

"You two want to see the view as well? I don't want to hog it all to myself." Jack offered as a way to continue his conversation with Ashley.

The male crew member spoke first with a shake of his head, "Once you've seen the place a thousand times it's not that special. Go enjoy it while you can."

Ashley's own remark was a sour one, "I better go talk to my sisters actually. The press is going to come down hard on us if the Treaty stays in place. They'll need to get ready for it."

His hand rested on her shoulder to hopefully make her feel better, "Whatever happens just remind them it isn't anyone's fault no matter how hard the media tries to make it so. They're just scared of the consequences of the Treaty like the rest of us."

A weight seemed to be lifted off her from the reassurance, "Thanks Commander, it's nice to know not everyone in the Alliance has a prejudice towards my family."

His views on Ashley were more conflicted since getting off of Eden Prime. Yes, she ran off after the mysterious woman killed Jenkins, but in hindsight if that had been a member of the Everest would he have done anything different? Probably not if he was honest with himself, especially considering what he actually did on Torfan. However, her questionable views on Turians made him generally not a fan of her personally. So, while he didn't want to have a beer with her during shore leave, Jack could recognize she was a good soldier. Having walked up the stairs lost in his own thoughts, he almost bumped right into Kaidan. His old friend had a bandage over his wounded shoulder but otherwise the man looked healthy, if not a little tired. Thank whatever gods were out there that his PTSD flashback didn't cause more damage.

Jack knew he was going to have to explain himself, "Kaidan, I wanted to tell you how sorry I am for what happened on Eden Prime. I haven't been on a mission since Torfan, and apparently, I wasn't ready for something like that again so soon."

Kaidan waved a dismissive hand as he followed Jack toward the cockpit, "It's fine Commander, not even the Captain was expecting a serious engagement."

"I don't think it's fine at all. If Ashley hadn't come back to rescue us the mission definitely would've ended differently. I shouldn't even be here right now." Jack admitted knowing it was the truth no matter how hard Anderson denied it.

Kaidan gave him a thoughtful glance, "What did the Captain say when you told him all this?"

Jack sighed pinching his nose in exhausted frustration, "He told me that the Alliance still needed me despite my attempt to resign. I haven't decided if I'm going to go over his head or not."

Kaidan stared at the floor for a few seconds before making serious eye contact with him, "If you want my opinion Commander, I think he's right. We might be going to war with the Geth over nothing. I'd feel a lot better if we had the Hero of Elysium on our side."

"I'll take that into consideration, thank you. Will your shoulder be ok at least?" Jack asked knowing there was no point arguing against his reputation.

Kaidan laughed at the question in a better mood now, "Sure, just some minor muscle reconstruction and I'll be good as new. There's a doctor on the Citadel Chakwas recommended I'm going to see when we have a few minutes of down time. Now come on, I don't want to be the reason you miss the view."

When the door opened the scene out the viewport took his breath away. Not even the highest budget vids could capture the true grandeur of the Citadel in perfect detail. Jack had seen a lot of Alliance space stations during the Blitz, yet he had never seen something on this scale. The station itself was a masterpiece of engineering. How did the Protheans merely gather the resources necessary to construct the floating city? How was C-Sec able to successfully manage all of the traffic coming and going every hour? As they approached, he saw large Turian dreadnoughts that were too big to enter a planet's atmosphere appear like they were a child's toy in comparison to the Citadel. That didn't even begin to capture the sheer beauty of the environment around them. The gaseous purple tinted clouds of the Widow Nebula provided a sense of safety from the rest of the chaotic galaxy.

Joker broke the silence with a smirk, "I knew it, the silence gives it away every time. So, what do you think? As good as you hoped or a little too good to be true?"

He didn't know anything about the place really so he went with what he knew from experience, "I'm gonna go with too good to be true, otherwise no one would even think about staying on Earth."

The pilot grinned pleased with his answer, "Yeah that is the right answer, it might seem pretty on the outside, inside is a hellhole. You know, some people say Councilor Tevos gets all of her governing advice from Aria T'Loak between the pillow talk they get up to."

Behind them they heard Captain Anderson clear his throat, "Those were just rumors Jeff, and it would be best if none of you say anything about them while we're here."

Joker snorted in amusement at the rebuke, "It wasn't like I said it to her face or anything. Are you joining us for the view or to just ruin our potential gossip session."

Most pilots would have been thrown out the airlock for the way he treated the Captain. While the Alliance allowed soldiers to have fun every once and awhile, they were technically still on duty. Until they had a debrief at the Human Embassy they needed to act as though the Geth could jump on them at any moment. The practice took hold on most warships after Elysium took everyone by surprise. Joker was most likely immune to disciplinary action due to his exceptional flight performance. Joker was infamous inside the halls of Arcturus Station for overcoming his severe physical disability by being able to beat every instructor at the Alliance fleet academy. At least that was how Joker's extranet presence depicted him as when Jack looked him up. It certainly helped Joker's position that Anderson was also known to be a little fast and loose with normal regulations. If a particular behavior didn't hinder mission effectiveness, why clamp down on it?

With that in mind, Anderson took a deep breath before saying, "Both apparently, Jack, Kaidan, I need you both to join me when I see Ambassador Udina."

Kaidan looked confused at the idea of meeting with a politician, "I'm not sure what we could add that our reports couldn't sir. They speak for themselves, plus I don't want to mess up any negotiations that might be taking place."

David nodded looking sympathetically to both of them, "Believe me I know that the problem is he requested everyone from the ground team meet him at his office. I hope I'm wrong, but Udina is known for grand gestures, he'll probably use you three to drum up public pressure for the war."

Jack accepted he was a pawn for the time being thus he gave a slight nod, "I think your right, our mission already leaked to the press this morning."

Anderson seemed relieved that Jack was ready and turned to the elevator, "Get Ashley then meet me in the cargo hold, we'll take a shuttle to Udina's office directly."

It was a short but tense shuttle ride towards Udina's office with each of them worried about what was going to happen next. While the Batarians had been technologically backwards by most galactic standards, they still had been a formidable foe for Humanity. Seeing as the Geth had been able to develop on their own for the last three centuries there was no telling how their military truly stacked up against the Alliance. However, if Eden Prime was any indication the answer didn't paint a very pretty picture regarding their survival chances. Everyone had the sense that this could be the largest disaster for Humanity since the second World War if they messed this up. The pressure on him felt as large as an Elcor to not screw up. These moments of raw dread were when he missed Kal the most. While the Quarian was all professionalism on the battlefield, he was much more personable if you managed to get him to open up. He wished he could ask him what to do about his SPECTRE nomination but knowing his ex, Kal would've just called it a bosh'tet sandwich and went on with his day. Jack wondered how fleet life was treating his former lover hoping the man was happier than him right now.

The sound of the shuttles landing gear pulled Jack from his thoughts as Anderson came from the shuttle's cockpit to the main hold, "We're here but before we go in just know that Udina can get angry when things don't go exactly his way. I would advise that no one take it personally, the way I see it your all excellent soliders."

As if to illustrate his point, when they entered the room Udina was already yelling, "This is an outrage! The Council would step in if the Geth attacked a Turian colony!"

In front of Udina stood three holographic projections of what Jack assumed were the three Council members. The Turian a man named, Sparatus spoke up, "That's because the Turians don't dare to settle on the edges of the Terminus Systems, Ambassador."

Udina jabbed an aggressive finger towards the image, "I am sick of this kind of second-class treatment, if you people don't do anything for us I swear I will-"

The Asari, Tevos raised a hand to try and calm everyone down, "Ambassador, you know we don't discuss our decisions before the official hearing. I suggest we all take the few hours we have left to calm our emotions."

Udina stood up straighter clearing his throat, "Of course Councilors, like always your wisdom is most welcome." Even though his tone was clearly sarcastic, they chose to see it as genuine and disconnected the link with a smile.

He turned to face the four of them with an angry expression, "Well at least you didn't screw up this time and actually brought the ground team with you."

Anderson didn't fall for the bait either smiling, "That bad huh? The Council won't help us?"

Udina laughed like David had just told a bad joke, "What did you expect when you all gave me a report like that one Captain? Talking Geth? Flying spaceship shrimp? A vision of our extinction caused by said shrimp? The literal dead roaming the streets? It sounds like the plot for the next Blasto movie and not a serious military report."

Jack spoke for Anderson, "It all happened like the report indicated, so why don't we stop venting and actually do something?"

Udina sighed rubbing his face for a moment, "I see why Nihlus thought you would be a good SPECTRE, Shepard. However, before we start attacking the Geth we need the Council's support. Come follow me, it's time we force their hand."

Jack didn't like the implications of what Udina said but, one thing was for sure there were going to be fireworks soon enough.