Lost Hope - Part 1
When Hope closed her eyes, she saw blackness. She saw a never-ending world that had no light within. It should have scared her, yet it didn't. Hope was content with the darkness. The silence. It had been so long that Hope had seen this kind of blackness when her eyes were closed. Those nightmares were always waiting for her, wanting to see Hope. But now, there was a calm silence and a tranquil darkness. The nothingness felt good. The nothingness felt right. It felt like, for so very long, Hope had been waiting for this moment. This moment where the voices, screams, and pain just stopped. A moment where she could let go of the loud, loud world. However, happiness nor darkness never lasted forever. Eventually, the happiness would turn into sadness, and the darkness would turn into brightness.
As Hope lay in the silence, voices started to speak.
As Hope lay in the darkness, pictures started to form.
And a past long forgotten… had started to be remembered again.
Memories.
Precious, terrifying memories.
A/N: In two chapters, I'm going to explain in full detail Hope's past, and I will say that it is not the happiest of stories. Most of you have probably already guessed this, but I still want to put an angst disclaimer before anyone reads it. I've thought long and hard about Hope and why she acts the way she acts, so these two chapters will explain to you, the reader, why Hope is Hope. This will explain her multiple dreams, her flinching habit, and important aspects of her personality. Once more, I have to say that this is a very depressing story with not much happiness. If you feel triggered at any point, please don't force yourself to read.
But again, if you're okay with everything, then turn on some somber music and enjoy the angst! So, without further ado, let's get started.
Sidenote: All sentences in bold and italic lettering are things that have been said in previous chapters. Also, this chapter is a nice little walk in the park compared to "Part 2."
When Hope was born, she was the younger one. The baby. She had an older brother of ten minutes. A twin brother. And, at that time, Hope's name wasn't Hope. The baby girl didn't even know what that word 'hope' meant. Her mother named her Belle, and her father named her brother Stephen. They weren't identical twins, but they did look alike in many aspects. Their hair, their skin, their hands, their feet, their little moles on their faces were all the same. There was one thing, though, that made the doctors unable to label them as 'identical.' Belle's eyes were heterochromian, so her left eye was blue, while her right eye was brown like Stephen's. That blue eye set Belle apart from her brother. It made her unique. However, the family had no idea that, one day, that blue eye of Belle's would drive their family apart.
Belle was a happy kid. So was Stephen. Belle was more like her father, who was gentle and energetic. Stephen was more like his mother, who was honest and serious. Belle would spend her time reading with her dad, while Stephen would spend his time playing competitive games with his mother. Therefore, that was why their father's death hurt Belle so much more: she'd lost the person she looked up to. The person that she spent most of her time with. The Flare was an evil disease, and it caused people to become someone they never wanted to be. In the end, their father had scared them - he went insane. Regardless, Belle knew her true father. She understood that what her father did while being infected, wasn't the true him.
The Flare was the scary monster, not her father.
Shortly after their father's death, however, Belle and Stephen were taken away from their mother. WICKED had announced a new hope for a cure, so they started forcing all of the parents to give up their children. Those children were the only way, they'd said. The only thing that could save them all. And to protect her children, Belle and Stephen's mother was forced to give them up. If she didn't let them go, they would be in more danger than ever. Moreover, if they were with WICKED, her children could have a better chance of surviving. They would be protected, and the twins… would have each other.
"Remember… I love you two. Belle, Stephen, I love you."
That was the last thing Belle and Stephen's mother ever said to them before WICKED took them away. They cried. They cried for their mother, but it was to no avail. Belle and Stephen never saw their mother again. And although there were other kids, Belle and Stephen stayed the closest. It was natural for twins to feel this unbreakable bond with one another. Not only physically, but mentally as well. Whenever they held hands, it was almost like their minds were connected. They were in their own little world. So when Belle would cry, Stephen would hold her. And when Stephen would cry, Belle would comfort him with words.
"It's okay," she would say. "It's going to be okay."
It wasn't. Sadly, it wasn't going to be okay. The moment WICKED got a hold of them, the twins were ripped apart. They were taken into separate rooms, forced to accept new names. Stephen was adamant on keeping his, but that only got him a beating. And another beating. And another. Belle's situation was a little better, yet she still got some beatings during her time. Eventually, Stephen did accept his new name: Thomas. While Belle did the same with her new name: Hope. Though, Hope's name had come from someone that, in the near future, would turn her entire world upside down.
"She's… different from the rest," Ava Paige said the first time she ever saw Belle. The woman was standing in front of the bruised little girl, an intelligence in her older eyes. "There's hope in her eyes. Unlike the rest, she's not lost."
No, Belle wasn't lost, because despite the pain she was going through, the girl got through it. She knew how to get through it. That was something her father had once taught her. "It's easy to hate those who hate us. But why not opt for a challenge, hm? Like those ones your brother and your mother love so much? How about, instead of hate, we love those who hate us. Who hurt us. And it is one of the most challenging things in the world to accomplish, because such actions are looked down upon, Belle. These days, it is simply normal to hate." So when Belle's father died, she kept those words with her. She wanted to make her father proud and continue his legacy. Belle wanted to be kind to those who hurt her. And it may have been naive or stupid, but it was what Belle wanted. It was what she needed to be able to move on from her pain.
"Are you okay?!"
Stephen's and Belle's reunion was a tense one. They wanted to yell out each other's true names, yet they sadly were unable to. Belle had to call Stephen 'Thomas,' while Stephen had to call Belle 'Hope.' There were eyes watching their every motion, listening to their every word. The twins were trapped, but they were still twins. And the moment that they held hands, their secret little world came back; Belle nor Stephen needed to say a word to convey what they were thinking or feeling. It was their power. Their bond. Their safety. And, three years later, that bond stayed. Their birth names had been lost by the stream of time (and by force and by how easily children were manipulated), but their care for one another did not falter. The two were allowed to attend classes together, even being allowed to sleep in the same room. Doctor Ava Paige, who was the twin's favorite staff member, made sure of this.
Likewise, after those three years had passed, the twins were finally able to meet another kid just like them: Teresa. The three got along splendidly, and they formed quite a trio. They were smart - very smart - and shared a lot of interests. Furthermore, now the three were together, they started working on a certain… project together. Something that none of the three kids knew, at that time, would actually come into effect. Teresa, Thomas, and Hope thought of it as another one of their assignments, nothing more. But it wasn't just that. It was their future. Their future regrets. And not very soon after they started this project, the children who would be most affected by it… came into their lives.
"Hey… I'm Newt."
"I'm Alby. The quiet one's Minho."
Safe to say that Thomas, Teresa, and Hope found immediate friendship with those three boys. Every night, they would secretly meet up after the twins and Teresa had finished their work. They'd talk for hours about things only children could find interest in, and they had formed quite a bond between them. Alby was the oldest, so he had this kindness about him; Minho barely ever spoke up, but you could still tell that he listened intently to their conversations; and Newt was serious, but he was also extremely friendly. That trait was what drew Hope to Newt, exactly like how Hope's father was drawn to Hope's mother's seriousness. The bubbly, kind one and the serious, polite one: Hope and Newt's relationship. Still, Hope was Hope to all three of the boys and one other girl. They were her friends, after all.
"You wanna talk about something, Alby? Anything?"
Hope always had a smile on her face.
"Minho! You wanna play cards?"
She always included everyone.
"You're a genius, Teresa!"
There was never a moment of sadness with her.
"Thomas… Please don't push yourself."
Hope was always looking out for everyone.
"Newt! You're the best!"
But that bubbly nature and endless smile… disappeared the day Hope sacrificed everything. One certain day, Alby, Minho, and Newt had found something. Something that they weren't supposed to find, but somehow found anyway. A way out. An opening to the outside world. Naturally, the three boys wanted to show Thomas, Teresa, and Hope the night of. They gushed to the three about what they'd found, wanting nothing more than to show them. Thomas was curious, Teresa was intrigued, while Hope was worried. Very worried. Nevertheless, not wanting to be a downer, Hope followed along as the three excited boys led them through the compound. And this singular decision, those feelings of not wanting to be "lame," put events into place. Certain events that would lead to something drastic. Something that would change Hope's life forever. Because when Hope saw a guard coming closer to the forbidden area, she hid her friends into another room. So when the guard realized that Hope was standing near an exit route, he would only blame her. And he did. And Hope did get pulled away to be punished. And even worse, that was the last time that Hope would see her brother or her friends for a very long time.
"You insolent brat!
"You kids and your stupid ideas!
"Don't look away!
"You were trying to escape, weren't you?!
"Well, let me tell you this. No one is gettin' out of-!"
"That's enough, Randall." While Randall was shouting at Hope, the girl heard a familiar voice interject. It was calm yet stern. Authoritative yet polite. Hope slowly looked up from where she stood, seeing the director (who was sometimes her teacher) herself: Ava Paige. "I'll take her off your hands. Trust me, she won't bother you again." Then, the Doctor turned toward a shaking Hope. "Come here. I won't hurt you."
Hope held out her little hand, and Ava Paige held it for the first time. She softly started walking the young girl away from the scary man, who was still glaring daggers at her. Regardless, the only thing that Hope could concentrate on was Ava. She stared at Ava's perfect hair and perfect clothes. She stared at her favorite person in WICKED, who had always greeted Hope with a smile. But where? Where was Ava taking Hope?
"M-Ms. Paige?" Hope stuttered. "Where are we going?"
"I'm going to take you somewhere special, okay? I'm going to take you to your new home," Ava said, continuing to walk down the hallway. "I want you to meet someone, Hope. Someone very special to me. And I think… that she'll find you very special, too."
Hope didn't know how to respond, so she merely followed the woman. She followed the woman through the familiar compound, up some familiar stairs, through another hallway, another hallway, another hallway, even another hallway, then through a door she'd never entered before, and then got into an unfamiliar elevator. This elevator brought the two up, up, up. It brought Hope higher than she'd ever been before. However, the moment that those elevator doors slid open, was when Hope was truly teleported into a new world. A new life. Ava stepped inside, while Hope was unable not to follow her in as well. She just couldn't believe her eyes. There was a beautiful home all around her, which was furnished with perfect furniture and artwork. It looked spotless and shiny. It was nicer than anything Hope was accustomed to. This was a house, not a room. And this… this was a home.
"Mama! Mama, you're home!" A girl. The girl. A little girl with exceptionally short blonde hair ran toward the elevator and jumped into Ava's already open arms. "You're finally home!"
"I am," Ava beamed. "Did you miss me?"
"Of course I did!" the little girl cheered. But then, she leaned away from her mother, giving her an uneasy smile. "But why were you late? Did something happen?"
"Actually, I brought you home a new friend," Ava stated and then looked over her shoulder to point her smile at Hope. "Mara, meet Hope. And Hope, meet Mara: my daughter."
"Hello…" Mara smiled sweetly at Hope. "I'm glad you're here, Hope. Welcome."
Mara was perfect. She was graceful, polite, and always smiled. Mara treated Hope with compassion and a welcoming spirit. Hope liked Mara. More than she should have. However, there were times that Mara would leave the house. Sometimes she'd leave in the mornings, others she'd leave in the afternoon; sometimes, she'd even leave in the middle of the night. Regardless, Hope did not meddle. She knew she wasn't supposed to, and yet she was missing her friends. Hope was missing her brother. It had been about a week since Hope had entered Ava's home, and she hadn't left it once. But since Hope was so young and innocent, she thought nothing of the weird situation until the loneliness hit her. So, while Mara was away one day, and Ava was sitting at her desk at home, Hope finally popped the question.
"M-Ms. Paige?"
"Yes, Hope?"
"Can I go see my friends?"
"Your what?"
"My friends… and my brother. When will I be able to see them again?"
"Why do you want to see them?"
"W-Well, I miss them."
"Are you unhappy here?" Ava asked, lifting her eyes up from her papers. "Do you not like the amenities I give you?"
"The," Hope tilted her head, "'amenities'?"
"Yes. I have given you my house, which is nicer than any room in that compound," Ava started explaining. "I have given you food, which is tastier and better than any food at the compound. I have given you every good thing that this world can offer. Do you really want to go back there? Or… are you declining my generosity?"
"N-No! That wasn't what I meant!" Hope quickly stated. "I just meant that this is my punishment, right? For trying to sneak out? But since you knew that the scary men would hurt me, you chose to bring me here instead. You're keeping me from my friends, keeping me locked in one place, but you know it's not as bad as what those men would do to me if I was with them. Still, I… I miss my friends. I miss them a lot."
"Do you really miss them that much?" Ava raised an eyebrow. "Can you not live without them?"
"I… Well… Maybe…"
"Look, Hope, I'm going to be blunt," Ava acknowledged, making Hope's eyes widen in response. "I didn't want to, but now, I believe it is for the best that you know the truth." Instinctually, Hope's back straightened. "You are never going to see your friends or your brother again. You will be staying here."
"W-Wait," Hope gasped. "I'm sorry, but what did you just say?"
"We can't be letting you escape, Hope. You're too important," Ava remarked. "You were made for better things, Hope. Bigger things. You cannot trouble yourself with your friends or your brother. Your new life here is more important than them."
"No… N-No!" Hope started shouting. Her voice was shaking, and her heart was beating with fear. "I appreciate all that you've done for me, but I can't leave my brother behind! I can't! H-He's everything to me, and I-!"
"We can make him nothing."
Hope took a step back. "What…?"
"Hope, you may not understand this now, but I need you to stay here. And if I need to resort to drastic measures to do so, then I will. Trust me, I will without question."
"You're right…" Hope shook her head. "I-I don't understand. Why are you keeping me from them?"
"I wanted to allow you the choice to keep your memories, but… it seems that that was naive of me," Ava sighed instead of answering Hope's question. "Thomas and your friends as well. They've been adamant on not cooperating until they see you again. It seems that we'll have to erase all of your memories, doesn't it?"
"No… N-No, please, I won't- Mph?!" However, Hope's mouth was silenced and she was taken away. So was Thomas', Teresa's, Newt's, Minho's, and Alby's back at the compound. All of them had their memories erased, never to be remembered again. Of course, eventually, the children back at the compound did become friends again. It was natural that they'd see each other again. But with Hope, who was trapped within a home not of her own, never reconciled with those friends again. After her memories were swiped, Hope found comfort in the only woman she saw every day: Ava Paige. She had no one but Ava for the first few days. So, for the unknowing, innocent Hope, that woman became her guiding light. Although, Hope and Mara's (Ava Paige's daughter) meeting was completely different from the first. Hope didn't remember having friends, so she basically didn't have any. Thus, when Ava brought Hope back up that elevator and into that gorgeous home, the home wasn't what made Hope go completely awestruck.
The first time Hope's new eyes took in Mara, those same eyes cried. For whatever reason, the sight of Mara made Hope's heart go ablaze with feeling. So much so that her body trembled with emotion. It was almost like (or exactly like) Mara was the most beautiful thing that Hope had ever seen. All Hope could seem to care about… was Mara. This girl. The girl. The girl with the buzz-cut blonde hair, who had pale skin and blue eyes. Hope couldn't find a single blemish about her, and when Mara greeted her with a hug, she became even more perfect in Hope's eyes.
"I'm glad you're back," Mara whispered into Hope's ear, "my Hope."
From that day forward, Hope spent every single day with Mara. They would spend most of their time in Mara's large bedroom, where they would draw or solve puzzles or do normal things that girls their age liked to do. Mara was Hope's everything, since Mara was the only friend Hope knew about; Mara the only anything that Hope knew about. There were also times that Hope would spend time with Ava when Mara was away. Ava noticed that Hope would get lonely without Mara, so the older woman took it upon herself to teach Hope a few things. And those few things, those few in between things, created a new bond between Ava and Hope. Something that would never leave Hope's mind.
Ava taught Hope how to cook.
"Chocolate is hard to make. Particularly when you have to start with the cacao beans."
Ava taught Hope how to be patient.
"But you have to be patient. Always be patient, Hope."
Ava taught Hope how to be gentle.
"The gentlest of touches can create the heaviest of change."
Ava taught Hope how to always smile.
"People need that around here: someone that smiles the brightest. Something so simple can give them strength."
Ava taught Hope how to be kind.
"We all have our mistakes and our sins, but we also have reasons behind those mistakes and those sins. And those reasons are usually sadder and darker than whatever sins are committed. So I want you to find those reasons, Hope. Always find the reasons, but never judge anyone for them."
Therefore, Ava Paige made Hope… into Hope.
"The world is a very sick place, Hope," Ava Paige told the young girl. "It would be wise for you to stay very far away from it."
"But I wanna help," Hope protested, grabbing Ava's hand with both of her tiny ones. "I wanna do whatever I can - I wanna heal them."
Ava looked down at the girl. "All of them?"
"I'll try."
"You know that that's impossible, dear."
"But… if you try your hardest, and never give up, it has to do something… Right?"
"So you believe that hoping will cure the world?" Ava asked. "You believe that a mental notion will cure the physical world?"
"W-Well," Hope looked away from the older woman's judgmental gaze, "wasn't it you who said that, even if we cure the physical world, the mental world will still be sick?"
"Yes…" Ava said. It was now her turn to look away. "It will be hard to cure such a broken, traumatized world. We have endured too much - put each other through so much misfortune. We… Us… Us humans have… hurt one another for so very long now. We're afraid. Scared. And because of that fear, we put fear into others. So much fear that… we disconnect from each other. From ourselves. We are now so disconnected that… we will sacrifice anything to feel safe again."
Ava Paige and Hope stared down at the Last City, confusion and sadness in their eyes. They were both lost in a labyrinth of darkness and overgrowth, unable to find the safest way out. There was so much life in that city, and yet the two females felt oh so lifeless. They didn't know what to do. What to feel. What to say. The two knew what fear could do, and they knew how it made them feel. Still, one of them was younger. More innocent in her thinking. Hence, that little girl named Hope looked up at the older woman, a smile on her face.
"Then… If I can't heal the physical world, I'll try my best to heal the mental one," she proclaimed, causing Ava's eyes to widen. "I won't disconnect or put others through misfortune. I won't be afraid of fear. I'll try my very best," Hope squeezed Ava's hand, "to be good to others!"
Ava could only smile down at the young girl, wondering what kind of evil demon would place such an innocent child into a world like hers. Ava's world was disgusting and wrong, and yet she had found this little girl. This little girl, who always helped with the dishes and cooked amazing meals, was Ava Paige's little pocket of hope. Somehow, for some reason, Hope had been brought into Ava's life. But sadly, eventually, Ava would have to take Hope out of it.
Hope was coming along perfectly.