By Yume
Yu Yu Hakusho, HxK shounen-ai
Chapter 6
Please, Don't Hate Me For This…
Minamino Shiori tapped on the door to her son's bedroom once more before pushing it open just a crack. She peered in and nudged the door further open.
"Shuuichi?" It was coming up on noon and the boy still hadn't come downstairs, which struck her as strange behavior for him. He was always so punctual…As she stepped into the room she observed that he wasn't in bed and was momentarily puzzled until she caught sight of the red hair spilled across the desk beneath his window. The woman sighed and walked over to where her son lay, bent uncomfortably onto his arms. At first glance it appeared that Shuuichi had once more dozed off in his schoolwork, but she quickly realized that the desk was blank of its usual potpourri of books and papers. A breeze flitted through the open window, billowing the curtains, and she leaned over him to close it.
"Hiei?" Kurama sat up suddenly, blinking off sleep. What he saw was not the ill-tempered little fire demon he had fallen asleep in vigil waiting for but his human mother, looking at him curiously. He stifled a sigh and managed a polite smile for her. "Oh, good morning, mother…" Shiori returned the smile, but it quickly faded to a concerned frown.
"Shuu-chan, I'm worried about you. This is the third morning in a row I've found you like this…is something wrong?" For a moment Kurama was without words. Of course something's wrong! He hasn't come back…He looked away for a moment, not daring to meet his mother's eyes until he felt the disappointment in himself sufficiently masked behind his pleasant expression.
"No, 'kaa-san, everything's fine. I'm sorry to have worried you." Shiori nodded slowly, wanting badly to believe him but finding difficulty seeing past the hint of sadness in his eyes.
"All right…remember, if anything's wrong, you can always talk to me about it, okay?" The idea almost made Kurama chuckle as he tried to imagine explaining to his mother that his recent discontent was due to the absence of the little demon that he had at some point fallen for…yet he managed a nod and another shallow smile, and this placated his mother enough that she smiled back and turned to leave. He heard the door close behind her and waited for her footsteps to retreat down the hallway before allowing his head to fall wearily into his hands with a soft groan. Another morning and still no sign of Hiei…would the little youkai ever come back? He recreated the scene in his mind for the nth time---his impulsive embrace, Hiei's stiff withdrawal…He knew that he had been pushing the limits all day but somehow the sight of the ill-tempered demon napping peacefully against him had been impossible to resist. And now he---wait, what was that? Kurama's head snapped up abruptly, startled into awareness by an all-too familiar presence tugging at his consciousness.
Hiei…It was him, the ki signature was unmistakeable, and Kurama jumped from his chair to open the window. He stepped back and waited a few moments, eyes flashing over the leafed canopy of the tall maple. Hiei had once again hidden himself in the shadows, but it was made perfectly clear by his unmasked ki that he wasn't truly trying to hide this time.
Hiei didn't know what he was doing here. Why had he come back? After…after that…he had no reason to see the fox today anyways. But he knew. He had returned to those familiar branches in the evenings, lacking any more suitable place to sleep, always careful to wait until he was certain Kurama had fallen asleep. The sight of the redhead draped over his desk, the window always open in a gesture of hopeful invitation…it made Hiei uneasy for reasons he couldn't quite place. The idea of someone –anyone— actually wanting his presence was a foreign idea to the Forbidden Child. But he had grown tired of simply observing, and he had to know. At the time, "I don't know" had seemed a reasonable explanation for Kurama's stolen closeness. Now that Hiei had had a few days to think about this, however, he was no longer content with such a vague answer. Something had driven the fox to wrap his arms around Hiei as he slept, and he wanted to know what. Carefully setting his face in its emotionless mask, he leapt smoothly into the now-open window, perching in the sill and looking as casually as he could manage to Kurama.
The moment was painful for him. Overjoyed to finally see the object of his affections after his three-day disappearance, Kurama was once again greeted with the irresistible urge to take the little half-Koorime in his arms, if just to make sure he was really here and wouldn't be able to leave. He forced himself not to, insisting to his subconscious that he had learned his lesson about asking such closeness from the distant youkai. And now…he started to smile and opened his mouth to greet Hiei, only to find himself unable to speak. Not yet…don't get your hopes up…he could still be upset with you…His eyes searched Hiei's face for any trace of anger, or forgiveness, or…or anything, really, any clue to his feelings. There was none to be found. It was Hiei who eventually broke the awkward silence.
"Fox." His tone was cool but commanding, and it made Kurama a little nervous. The next thing he said was what turned his nervousness to outright panic.
"I want to know why you…I want to know why." Kurama bit his lip and shook his head helplessly, forcing the only words that came easily to mind.
"I don't—"
"And don't say," Hiei continued, cutting him off, "that you don't know. I just want the truth. Or is that too much to ask, Youko?" Kurama blinked and looked at his feet. The significance of the sarcastically stressed title was not wasted on him. Youkos were crafty creatures by nature, predisposed to things like dishonesty and trickery when it would get them what they wanted. In his life as said Youko, Kurama had exemplified all these less-than-honorable traits of his kind, and Hiei knew this. He took a deep breath and brushed a few loose strands of hair out of his face, praying that Hiei would believe the truth…and that he would be able to accept it.
"Hiei…I…" He stammered a little, glancing briefly to the youkai's face before managing to continue. "I just…like to be close to you." This was the understatement of the century- Kurama gravitated towards his friend's presence like a rose stretching for the sun- but such poetic musings were best left unsaid. Hoping for the best but expecting the worst, he stole another look at Hiei's expression. What he saw, and what he heard a moment later, surprised him considerably.
The look on the little youkai's face was one of curious consideration. He looked expectantly up at Kurama, an eyebrow raised.
"Why?"
Caught completely off guard, Kurama could only stumble on, speaking purely from his heart.
"Because I…because you make me happy, Hiei. I can't help wanting to be with you…" Hiei's expression had softened, lost some of its suspicion and turned into a sort of bewildered disbelief. When he made no protest, Kurama shakily continued, words fluttering past his lips entirely of their own accord. "I hope you can forgive me…I just wanted to be near you…" His voice trailed off to a near-whisper that Hiei could barely detect. "…I always do…"
He has to be lying…why would anyone…Hiei's thoughts solidified and he frowned, eyeing the nervous demi-youko who stood before him, his gaze lowered almost shamefully. His instincts seemed to be calling for another quick exit, but he fought them and slipped silently from the sill to stand inside Kurama's room. The movement caught Kurama's eye and he looked up, wondering the same thing Hiei was at that moment.
Why isn't he leaving after all I've said? Rather than leaving, however, Hiei steeled his resolve and stepped closer to him.
"That can't be true." How could I make you…how could I make anyone happy… Kurama blinked and shook his head quickly.
"It is, Hiei, I swear…when you're with me I feel…I don't know…safe. I feel like things are right when you're around…" Unable to stand the distance between them any more and hardly thinking of the possible consequences any more, Kurama took a step forward and took Hiei's hand in both of his. "Do you…" He hesitated, his words no longer flowing as they had a moment ago. "…Do you know what I mean, Hiei? Being with you makes me feel complete…"
No…this isn't true…Hiei struggled with his thoughts, the insistent murmur of suspicion and self-loathing rapidly losing its power in the face of Kurama's gentle confessions. He lowered his eyes to where the same hands that had held him in that inexplicable embrace now warmly clasped his and felt his face grow slightly warm. Kurama slowly took another step, nearly closing the few inches between them, and Hiei looked up, confusion etched on his face. Kurama sighed and closed his eyes. He had to do this now, before Hiei could leave him again.
"Hiei…" The blush on the small youkai's face darkened as Kurama placed a hand below his chin, tilting his face upward a little and looking sincerely into his eyes. "Please…don't hate me for this…" Hiei started to ask what "this" was and was quickly cut off by the gentle pressure of Kurama's lips on his own. He froze, eyes wide and bewildered, but couldn't make himself pull away for a long moment. Slowly Kurama opened his eyes and stepped back, looking away and preparing himself for the inevitable rejection. A few moments of silence from where Hiei had stood led him to believe that the demon had fled…perhaps for good this time…but when he forced himself to look back, there was Hiei. His face showed pure confusion, tinted an uncharacteristic shade of pink, and a bandaged hand was held to his mouth in a gesture of simple amazement.
He…he kissed me…
Slowly he stepped back, bumping into the desk as he did but hardly noticing. Placing a hand on the wood behind him as though he feared he might simply fall over at any moment, he hesitantly raised his gaze to Kurama's eyes. What he saw hurt him in ways he couldn't manage to justify to himself. There was hope there, but it was barely visible behind fear and sadness and longing…and somehow Hiei couldn't make himself run from those eyes. Only the quiet rustle of a breeze in the trees outside marked the silence of the following moments.
Then Hiei stepped forward, once again reducing the space between them to no more than a few inches. For a painful moment Kurama wondered what the youkai would have to say. Would he be yelled at? No…Hiei's words would be cold, harsh, and---
Hiei's lips moved, but he wasn't speaking. Kurama's eyes widened and it was a moment before he could put together what was truly happening. This moment was what scared Hiei the most. Am I doing it wrong? Why isn't he…As soon as his mind could sort out the beautiful warm sensation on his lips, Kurama closed his eyes and leaned down, laying his hands on Hiei's shoulders and gently drawing him closer. Startled, Hiei instinctively reached for the nearest thing to support himself with…which turned out to be Kurama. He wrapped his arms around the redhead's slender waist but the momentary feeling of balance was quickly taken away as he felt Kurama's lips part against his, silently asking Hiei to do the same. Hesitantly he did so and was instantly rewarded with a whole new sort of feeling. Something akin to a small gasp escaped him and he unconsciously tightened his grip on the folds of Kurama's shirt.
The faint sound, added to the already delicious feeling of the moment, nearly drove Kurama crazy. The very idea of Hiei making such a delicate noise---because of what he himself was doing---sent a shiver down his spine, and he pulled the blushing youkai closer to him, savoring the intimacy for another moment before he found himself forced to pull back and catch his breath. He opened his eyes and was greeted with a sight that would stay with him for a long time. Hiei stood, nearly leaning against him, his face flushed and drawn into a dazedly peaceful expression. His lips were still parted ever so slightly and the breaths that issued from them were fast and a little shaky.
It was, in Kurama's opinion, one of the most beautiful things he had ever witnessed.
He gazed reverently down at Hiei, who slowly opened his eyes as well. For a moment that was all there was. Kurama looked at Hiei, Hiei looked at Kurama, and the silence that danced between them wasn't awkward or hostile like the moments that had happened in the past. It was charged with a sort of warmth and honesty that left Kurama nearly ecstatic and Hiei…
Hiei, in spite of the joy of the moment, was still torn with uncertainty. His eyes turned to the window and his face slipped into a frown that made Kurama very uneasy. Surely he isn't going to leave…he can't…
"Kurama…" Hiei's voice was soft, the deep tone lacking its usual conviction. "I…I can't do this…"
(A/N:
Yami: Gah! You're leaving it off –there-?!? People are going to hate you until you put up the next chapter!
Yume: *nodnod* I have my reasons. Besides, you of all people should approve…
Yami: Oh right. Angst. Mwahaha.
Yume: *sigh* Okay all, stay tuned…come on, you know you want to…you wanna see what's gonna happen to this infinitely confused relationship.
Yami: Stick around or I'll poke you.
Yume: …-.-;;)