By Yume
Yu Yu Hakusho, HxK shounen-ai
Chapter 10
It's Not Like I'm Rejecting You
"W-what?"
Hiei calmly walked to the window, outside which the storm had almost completely subsided. "I said I'll think about it. If this is as important to you as you're making it seem you won't mind being a little patient." Kurama nodded quickly, yes, this was important, yes, he could be patient, he could give Hiei some time…
"Of course…ne, Hiei…that tree is probably soaked…you know you're welcome to spend the night here if you like—" Hiei had already unlatched the window as he turned and shook his head in the negative. At the sigh he received in response he raised an eyebrow.
"Hn. Don't look so upset. It's not like I'm rejecting you. I just don't see any need to force you out of your own bed."
"You can have the—" Kurama automatically began to correct him, only to find that the youkai had once again vanished. As he walked to close the window, ignoring the small puddle of rain that was the only trace his…whatever Hiei was to him at this point…had left, something tugged at his mind. Something in Hiei's words…
"It's not like I'm rejecting you."
That was a very comforting thought. He forced himself not to read too much into it, refusing to make any guesses as to the youkai's intentions or feelings until he was certain he wouldn't be proved wrong about them. Still…he couldn't help but smile a little as he flopped back onto his bed, wondering in the back of his mind when it had gotten so late. He hadn't said 'the words' yet but by now Hiei had to know how he felt, and knowing this gave the feeling of a great burden being lifted. Hiei could have his time to think, as much time as he needed…
…after all, it's not like he's rejecting me…
Night came and went, morning rose and faded into afternoon, one day became the next…Hiei immersed himself in excessive sword-practice sessions in a small forest not far from Kurama's home, devoting absolutely none of his thought to the speed with which he leapt about, or to the katana that he sliced through the air time after time. He was keeping to his word in the extreme, thinking about Kurama's proposal, his offered affections…and thinking only about those affections. For the first day or so he had resisted this, trying against all odds to return his thoughts to subjects he was better acquainted with. This had proved futile before long and he had abandoned himself to deep meditation on the subject, coming to a few conclusions.
1. I have basically two choices. Refuse his care and keep things as they are, or…or let him steer this elsewhere.
2. If…-if-…I let this go further…I'm opening myself up to be hurt.
3. He's hesitant, which means he obviously hasn't noticed how –I- feel.
This last point kept coming back to him. Kurama was apparently very certain of how he felt and had made sure Hiei was as well. But as for his own unresolved emotions…deep down Hiei couldn't deny what he had always passed off as a completely understandable attraction to the beautiful kitsune. Nothing too strange about that, he reasoned, he's always been desirable to demons and humans alike. But the tenderness of Kurama's words, the gentle patience of his actions, were clear indicators even for Hiei that this was not to be a relationship based purely on desire. What was it he had said?
"I won't deny that I care very strongly for you."
That was what shook him. Physical attraction, foreign as it was to the solitary little youkai, was at least something that could be reasoned with, something that could be blamed on hormones or other semi-logical catalysts. But care…that touched too many nerves. If what Kurama had said was indeed true, it would shatter Hiei's long-held perceptions of his fate, his lot in life. Nobody was ever supposed to care for the Forbidden Child…nobody ever had…but now Kurama claimed to break that taboo, freely offering his concern and affection. It was all so confusing…to think, Kurama, -the- Kurama….caring for him, the great error of his race.
It occurred to Hiei, at some point, that he still wasn't fully aware of where Kurama planned to take this, how things would change. He had seen human couples from time to time and found them, as a general rule, sickening. If the youko expected him to go for all that mushy stuff, cuddling and spouting off nauseatingly sweet petnames and declarations of affection…hn, not on his life. If what he wanted was a bedmate…well, that was another disconcerting thought. Sex was as foreign as love to Hiei, who knew only what he had overheard in the lewd jokes of the thieves who had once raised him.
And then it occurred to him. Kurama wanted the words. Whatever he had planned after that, Kurama wanted a confession, wanted Hiei to admit his own feelings, to offer some confirmation…
Hiei wasn't sure he could give that to Kurama. Even –he- didn't know what he thought at this point. Thinking on the kitsune's care inevitably dragged him to the topic of his own emotions, an unruly tangle of denial and desire and things he couldn't name…There was only one thing to be done at this point. He had to go back, talk to Kurama, find out what he felt, what he was supposed to feel, what to call the irresistible draw in that offer of care…
There was a blur, the faint displacement of air, and a few birds took flight as the forest lost its most thoughtful visitor.
(A/N:
Yume: It's getting complicated now, ne? Romance and angst and deep thinking on the part of everyone's favorite youkai couple?
Yami: *nods, sips diet coke, pokes Scarlet_Kurama* Mmhn.
Yume: Wow…30 reviews…thanks so much, everyone! ^.^ I'm glad you're all liking the story so far and I assure you there is plenty more where this came from, so stick around. Oh, and by the way…I have one or two pictures that illustrate scenes from this story… is the general link to all of my pictures, I am pretty sure the only one that actually goes to the story---well, the only one that I've uploaded, is However…you should still check out the other ones. ^.^;; Lots of Hiei, lots of Kurama, and some Yu-Gi-Oh thrown in too.)