By Yume
Yu Yu Hakusho, HxK shounen-ai
Chapter 12
Finding The Words
(A/N: Oh man…last chappie…yeah, I'll save the notes till the end, let's get to the fluff!)
Hiei could no longer meet his eyes.
"Why would you say that?"
Kurama's voice, when he spoke, was gentle.
"Because it's true. That's what I'm offering to you."
Hiei's eyes said it all, which was fortunate since he could summon no words to answer Kurama. Love was made for anyone else…not him, not the forbidden one, not the cold demon killer with the unforgivable past…He shook his head, refusing to accept what had just been said…for now he could continue on to the next piece of uncertainty he had brought to the discussion-namely, how he himself felt. But then he realized it. This new confession, this insane ideal, would not be so easily put aside. In fact, he could even use it. If Kurama knew that, perhaps he would know what Hiei was feeling as well, and tell him.
"I don't know what I can offer in return."
Kurama's expression grew gentler and he cautiously reached out, placing his hand on Hiei's arm.
"You don't need to offer m—"
"That's not what I mean." Hiei cut him off mid-sentence, anticipating the rest of his words and shaking his head. "I have something, I…" The next word caught in his throat, and for a moment he had to force himself to come to terms with it for the nth time since those first kisses they had shared not so long ago. "I –feel- something. I just don't know what it is."
Kurama blinked and searched Hiei's face, none of the significance of the phrase lost on him. Hiei admitting to feeling something, something other than base emotions like annoyance or anger…something important had just happened, and he couldn't help feeling that there was more to come. Seeing the self-conscious confusion painted on the half-koorime's face stirred Kurama's emotions and he nodded, his voice soft.
"I can try to help you figure that out…if you'll let me." The only response was a nod, and Kurama sat back further, patting the hammock next to him. "Here, sit."
What Hiei thought was, I'd rather not.
What Hiei did was to sit down in the hammock next to him.
What Hiei thought seemed to bear very little relation to what actually happened as of late.
Kurama just nodded approvingly and closed his eyes again, resisting the urge to put his arm around the anxious-looking youkai, who seemed rather at unease with, among countless other things at that moment, the unbalanced rocking of the hammock. Once Hiei had steadied himself somewhat, Kurama sighed and glanced over at him.
"All right…why don't you tell me what you're feeling…" Hiei frowned and thought a moment.
"No. You tell me what –you're- feeling. I'll tell you if it's the same." That would be so much easier…unlike Kurama, he had no talent for words and would rather just agree or disagree with whatever eloquent explanations the fox could come up with. He was answered with another sigh and a somewhat shy grin.
"Oh…well…" He turned to smile warmly at Hiei, then laid back and looked up at the fine canopy of branches above him. "…when you're with me, I just feel so…so good, so safe, like no matter where I might be it's the right place as long as you're there too…sometimes we talk and I love that, because I learn so much from you, I learn so much about you…sometimes we don't talk and that's okay too, because just having you near is so comforting. And when you're not there, especially if it's for a long time…" The smile the redhead wore faded slightly as he thought on this. "…it hurts. It really does. And when you're fighting…you know?" He was rambling, he knew this, he didn't care, all that mattered was that he made his point. "I know you're strong, I know you can hold your own in a fight but every time you get injured…because I care…" Chuckling weakly, Kurama placed his arms behind his head and looked helplessly to Hiei, expecting to be denounced for the thousandth time as the "baka kitsune". What he got was a question, asked in a slightly hesitant tone.
"So…that's love?" Kurama sighed at the apparent lack of emotion in Hiei's words and nodded slowly.
"I didn't do a very good job explaining it, but…that's basically what it is." His own question remained unspoken…somehow he couldn't find the words to ask whether Hiei understood, whether Hiei could see how he felt and maybe even feel some of that as well. If he said no…forcing himself not to think about that just yet, he settled for gazing up at Hiei and trying not to get too lost in the way the dark little figure was sillhouetted against the fading sun, or the way a few petals from the garden had been swept into the wind around him, or the way…
"You…" Hiei's gaze turned from some indistinct point in space to the slender figure lying beside him, and when his eyes met the leaf-green ones that looked so sincerely up at him he froze, the words he had been struggling to say forgotten.
Kurama…you said it just right…
Slowly, so slowly, he leaned down, placing a hand on the hammock beside Kurama's head.
"Fox…"
Kurama's smile, so warm, so disarming…
"I can't say it."
You understand, right? I want to say it…but…
The gaze with which the fox pierced him was an almost painful one. They both wanted the same thing…for Kurama to understand what Hiei couldn't say…
"But I…" Hiei leaned a bit closer, the slight shift in his weight suddenly throwing the hammock off-balance and sending it into a briefly dizzying swing. His support now rocking dangerously beneath him, Hiei's arm gave out and he fell forward…directly onto Kurama. His chest landing on Kurama's shoulder…his hand landing in Kurama's hair…
…his lips landing directly on Kurama's.
The hammock swung mercilessly beneath them as two pairs of widened eyes met, then gradually slid closed. Struggling to balance himself at least a little, Hiei grabbed Kurama's hand for a little support, their fingers interlacing almost immediately as the kitsune slowly pushed the accidental kiss deeper, parting Hiei's lips with his tongue and once more finding the actions that coaxed forth those soft gasps he had fallen so in love with only a few weeks earlier. The hand not gripping Hiei's reached up, looping around the slender waist and pulling him closer till they lay entwined, the smaller demon practically on top of the breathless youko.
When eventually the need for air forced them to separate, Hiei refused to open his eyes, afraid it would all fade into dreams if he did. But then Kurama's hand was on his cheek, his fingertips tracing softly along his jaw, and Hiei had to see it. Blushing from self-consciousness and the inexplicable exertion of that moment, the youkai slowly extended his hand, threading it into the red hair pooled across the still-swaying hammock beneath him. Kurama was second to open his eyes, gazing reverently up at Hiei, taking in that stunned expression with silent adoration.
For the longest time there was nothing but the sway of the hammock and the quiet sound of two embracing youkai trying to catch their breaths. And then Kurama spoke. Looking into Hiei's eyes, trailing his hand through Hiei's hair, pulling him close…Kurama spoke.
"I love you."
No reply. The kitsune's arms crossed behind Hiei's back, gripping him in an embrace that was desperate and passionate and yet gentle, so gentle and warm…an embrace into which he slowly relaxed, letting his face rest against the soft folds of Kurama's shirt and closing his eyes.
"I love you, Hiei."
Hiei's voice would not come to him, and so he merely nodded as he had the first time Kurama's lips had stolen his words. Green eyes smiled up at him in the fading glow of twilight, shimmering with all the things Hiei could never put a name to…all the things Kurama had offered…
The sun had long set when Shiori stepped outside, wondering what was taking her son so long.
"Shu—" She called out for him, abruptly stopping as her eyes fell on the hammock. In the dim light of the evening the familiar mass of scarlet hair stood out, laying across the chest of the serious boy who had come to talk. The black-clad arms were wrapped around her son, who appeared to be asleep in his friend's embrace. She hesitated a moment, ready to call to him again, then caught sight of the other boy's pale face. He was smiling…those eyes that looked too hurt, too old, were smiling as they gazed upon the sleeping boy, and Shiori couldn't help smiling as well. She switched off the porch light and turned to go back inside, murmuring softly as if to herself…
"Thank you for not hurting him."
With that she was gone, retreating to the house without seeing Hiei's slight nod of acknowledgement.
I'm not the one who deserves thanks.
He is.
He cared.
*owari*
(A/N:
Yume: And so it ends. I'm a sucker for happy endings, ne, it's just one of those things…I wanna thank everyone who's read this, especially those of you who reviewed. Nothing like finding out people like your writing to cheer ya up ^.^ And so many reviews…the most I've ever gotten on anything, hugs for everybody. *smiles*
Yami: ^.^ That was so cute…
Yume: *blinkblink* Since when do you think cute is a good thing?
Yami: *massive sweatdrop* Er…shut up.
Yume: *grins* Okay, anyways….that's the fic, ladies, gentlemen, and otherwise. There –will-, I repeat, -will- be a sequel to this…assuming I ever get motivated enough and start writing it ^.^;; And…I dunno! I guess that's about all there is to say. Oh, and the link I put up last time didn't work….so….you can find my artwork at Fanart Central fanart.ctgameinfo.com – I'm on there as sakayume, easy enough to find, just click where it says "Artists" on the left side of the screen and go to "S". I have one or two pictures from this story, so…enjoy. ^.^ Okay, that's enough shameless self-promotion. Stay frosty, everyone.)