I'll just admit the obvious. Christian obviously has the brain capacity of mayonnaise, so let's not forget that. You'd figure that with the Juggernauts running around, he'd keep his mouth shut. Too bad for him he's an idiot.
***
Anonymous and Enigma knew Christian, Test, Jericho, Rob Conway, and Regal were up to something big. The Juggernauts stayed silent, waiting to see what they would do. The boiling point was reached at a Smack Down in Montreal, Canada...
***
Christian felt proud of at least one achievement. He led his controversial faction to the ring, and held up his microphone. "Guess what, peeps; The un-Americans are back!" Test and Jericho began waving American flags upside down.
"HOLD IT! CHRISTIAN, YOU MUST HAVE DRANK CLOROX AS A CHILD. WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?" Anonymous' voice boomed out of the speakers.
"You know what, Anonymous? I'm not afraid of you!" Christian shouted back.
"NEITHER WAS HHH, BUT LOOK AT WHAT'S LEFT OF HIM." Enigma said.
"The way I see it, there's only two of you, and us 4 down here, along with all my peeps!" Christian looked hopingly at the Canadian crowd, all of the fans booing him.
"Oh yeah. I did something the other day, thanks to someone whose name I won't say. There are two more champions to join the un-Americans." Rob Conway said.
Rene and Sylvan went down the ramp, yet again thinking they were on top of the world.
"NOW IT IS BY OUR PATIENCE AND THE FACT THAT PREY IS GETTING SCARCE NOWADAYS THAT THESE TWO HAVE RETURNED. MY BROTHER HAS NOT FINISHED WHAT HE DEBUTED TO DO, SO LET THE SHOW BEGIN!" Enigma said.
"Hold it!" Vince wheeled himself down the ramp. "Anonymous and Enigma's contracts state that if they loose any of their Titles, they loose their jobs. (Actually, Vince lied. He forged their contracts so that if one lost any Title, they were both out. This was contradictory to his final act, but he didn't care. He would have them both unemployed if one of them would just win. The Juggernauts knew this, but for fun and a bit of a challenge they remained silent about the forged contracts, for now.) I think this should count that whoever gets the pin becomes Undisputed Champion and will choose a Tag Team Partner to share the World Tag Team Titles."
"OK, THAT'S FAIR. LET'S UP THE STAKES EVEN MORE. HOW ABOUT A 12-MAN TAG TEAM MATCH?" Anonymous suggested.
Needless to say, the fans agreed that that would be a hell of a match. Vince hadn't even thought of that idea. That meant that there were even more odds of the Juggernauts loosing their Titles and their jobs. "Well." Vince started out shakily. "You have until the main event tonight to choose the other 4 American patriots.
***
Anonymous and Enigma were swarmed with superstars wanting to participate in the 12-man Tag Team match. The Juggernauts would have gladly let them all fight, but 4 was the limit of people they could choose. The 4 they did choose were more than willing to fight for America. The only problem was that the ring might not be big enough for the 12 competitors. One can only wonder if a ring would even survive that match...
***
The 4 other Americans to fight the un-Americans had been chosen, and were as this; Hulk Hogan, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Rob Van Dam, Undertaker, and Fiero*, whom you might know better by the name Kane.
Fiero still had some problems, and was quick to pounce on, and beat the crap out of, anyone that made fun of a weaker person. His character was still a dark, morbid person, but he seemed to feel comfortable as Fiero, rather than the masked Kane.
The un-Americans were slightly unnerved by having to go up against 6 either big or well-liked American Superstars, but being on Canadian soil seemed to give them a boost in cockiness. Jericho, however, knew something bad was going to happen to him. He had heard that Anonymous and Enigma were having a tournament to see who could mess him up the most. 1 point was awarded if you sent him to the hospital, and 2 points were awarded if you embarrassed him very badly, like knocking him out, throwing him in a wooden crate, and dumping him in raw sewage (remember that), but Jericho felt that if he could pin or force one of the American Superstars to submit, then he wouldn't have to worry about the Juggernauts ever again. Notice the use of the word "if" there...
***
The un-Americans stood in one of the corners, looking at the much larger American opponents. The only one left to come out was Fiero.
Fiero made his entrance to the music of Pink Floyd's "Another Brick in the Wall Part 3", fire erupting from all around him. He made his way to the ring, carrying a suitcase which contained his "implements of destruction." The fans cheered wildly for him, and for once he truly heard the cheers after a long time. He still had anger problems, and every now and then he would loose it and Anonymous and Enigma would have to put him in the hospital to keep him from killing everyone.
He climbed up in the ring, and the music, lights, and pyros resumed the way they had been prior to Fiero's entrance. "I can understand you not wanting to forget the years of your life as Kane, but painting your face in the same fire-based pattern isn't really bringing out a new identity." Anonymous said as Fiero went over to the American's corner.
"So?" Fiero asked. "It pays to be a psycho in this industry sometimes, except for when you two show up and put me in the hospital."
"When riot control isn't strong enough is when we show up." Enigma said.
There was a slight confusion as to who would start the match, and it ended up with RVD starting off against Test. RVD's agility and strength easily surpassed Test, who found himself struggling to get in a punch every now and then. Eventually, Test got lucky and tagged in Jericho, who distracted the referee while Regal hit RVD with the brass knucks.
Jericho tried to pin RVD, who somehow managed to kick out. Jericho got up and began to rain punches on RVD, who was still sluggish from the temporary knock-out. RVD made it to his turnbuckle, who tagged in Steve Austin.
Austin had loaded up on beer before the match, making his pain reservoir almost as big as either of the Juggernauts. Jericho hit him with every attack he knew, but Austin kept flicking him off and doing his own moves on Jericho, who ran away and tagged in Christian.
Christian looked at the fans and put on his sneering smile, still thinking they would cheer for him. Even if he was on Canadian soil and the crowd should cheer for him, they still liked Austin more than Christian.
Austin's drunkardness had worn off, and the match became a bit more civilized. Austin got his face smacked into a turnbuckle after Christian removed the turnbuckle cover. Austin was dazed, and Christian made the most of it and began to pummel on Austin.
Austin made it to his corner, and tagged in Hulk Hogan. Christian looked at Hogan, and ran away to his own turnbuckle. He tagged in Rene Dupree, who came into the ring with Sylvan Grenier and began to double-team on Hogan. Then Undertaker and Fiero ran into the ring and began to tear the Frenchmen apart, as the other un-Americans ran into the ring and clashed with the Americans. Now it was all-out chaos.
Fiero threw Regal outside of the ring, and went over to his turnbuckle, opening the suit case. He pulled out 2 red-and-black hammers, a testament to the band that did his entrance music, and turned on Rene, who's opponent had ignored Dupree and went outside the ring to destroy Regal.
The referee could have called this a No-Contest match, but he wanted to watch the bloodshed.
Anonymous was in the process of teaching Christian how to fly, but he was a slow learner.
Enigma got bored of the battering from a steel chair and punched Test, who folded like origami.
Austin was setting a record for the most Stunners in a minute. Rob Conway was the victim.
Hogan made Jericho black out and bruised his trachea with a leg drop.
RVD did a crescent-kick to Rene, knocking him out.
Undertaker did a Last Ride Power bomb to Grenier on the crowd barricade.
Christian ran in the ring, Anonymous slowly chasing him. Christian found himself cornered, fearing what he knew was inevitable. Regal ran away from Fiero and found himself behind Anonymous, and tried to see if the monster did have a weakness. He slipped the brass knucks on his hand, and punched Anonymous on the back of the head.
Anonymous didn't even turn around. Fiero ran in the ring, and went over to his corner that had his suitcase. He had broken both of his hammers while trying to chase Regal, and pulled out his real weapon; an axe.
Regal realized he just made an ass out of himself, and ran away from Anonymous, only to run straight into Fiero.
Regal ran like hell.
***
So far, pretty much all of the un-Americans were either unconscious or running away. Let's recap:
Regal doesn't have much brains but when you see Fiero standing over you with an axe, you run.
Rene was unconscious thanks to RVD, but the punishment wasn't done till he was ER-worthy.
Conway's neck was like a spaghetti noodle after about 2 dozen Stone Cold Stunners.
Grenier's back was almost broken, thanks to Undertaker and a crowd barrier.
Test crawled slowly away from Enigma, who grabbed his short hair, lifted him up in the air, and threw him into the ring post.
Jericho's body was laying in the middle of the ring, which was thrown out haphazardly by Anonymous as Christian tried to desperately fight him.
Anonymous propped Christian up on a turnbuckle, and did his super-powerbomb. Christian tried to stand up, rather than play dead, which just showed how stupid he was. Anonymous looked at the barely-conscious Christian, and stomped on his head.
The entire ring collapsed. All of it; the ring posts snapped in half, the ropes went slack, the wood beneath them shattered into splinters, and I don't want even want to go into description of what was left of Christian's head.
No one said anything. Not even the fans, who were sort of cheering for the un-American despite their obvious losses, were silent. Anonymous looked around at the fans, waiting for their reaction to their patriotic Canadian.
"Yay!!!!!" The fans started cheering wildly. Anonymous was slightly surprised, but didn't show it.
Enigma jumped up in the ring, looking for someone else to beat up. "How come they do that for you and not for me?"
"Don't know. Honestly I was going to miss on purpose and scare the crap out of him, but it's too late to fix that."
"Actually it isn't." Enigma said. "Just tell the author to go back and fix it."
Anonymous: (looks up at the sky) "Hey author, can you fix Christian so I can mess him up again?"
Author: (Big booming voice out of the speakers like how Anonymous and Enigma taunt their prey) No.
Anonymous: "Please?" (Now he's begging like a little kid asking for candy.)
Author: "Fine."
***
Anonymous propped Christian up on a turnbuckle, and did his super-powerbomb. Christian tried to stand up, rather than play dead, which just showed how stupid he was. Anonymous looked at the barely-conscious Christian, and stomped right next to his head.
The entire ring collapsed. All of it; the ring posts snapped in half, the ropes went slack, the wood beneath them shattered into splinters, and Christian was in shock. He was sure he had just had a near run-in with death in the form of a big foot. He fainted, not aware of the big yellow puddle forming around him or the big brown stain in his pants.
***
Author: "Happy?"
Anonymous: "Thank you."
Enigma: "Does his have to end in another count out?"
Author: "Uhhh, um, I don't know."
Enigma: "What do you mean you don't know?! You're the author!"
(Duct tape magically appears on Enigma's mouth, silencing him.)
Then the bell rang in count-out, but it was still a Rematch, but the night was far from over...
***
*Read my last fic about Vince, Chapt. 5, "Unhealed Wounds" and the Epilogue to understand what happened to Fiero.. I was going to do something again to stop Kane, but Shane beat me to it with that limo. Guess there's a bit of the Juggernauts in us all.
***
As usual, I, the author, have something to say. I don't know why the 2 Juggernauts asked me to not horribly maim Christian, but that was their choice. Also, There was an interesting reason why I brought La Resistance out of retirement was because of recent events on RAW (Rob Conway, that vile traitor.) and I just remembered a funny situation. Those 2 people out there know who they are, but they might not know me. (Just so others can understand, I got in an argument with those 2 in a chat room. Now I can't get back in.)
Team Resistance S and Team Resistance Z, you might not be reading this and I don't care if you do. I am the Enigma in that chat room, remember? What are you resisting? You aren't even French. You were using Babel Fish to translate all your text to French and then posted the English text a few seconds after the French version. Oddly enough, all of the pointless ramblings were the same, about how "France is good, America is bad." Sad idiots were probably a couple morons that thought that La Resistance was cool.
That was the context of all of their things until I asked them what they were resisting, and I don't think they had a good answer to that either. Then one of them told me to kiss it's (I'm not referring to them as people) ass. I replied that only it would want me to, and it said it did. Anyway, the point of including those idiots in this was to elaborate on the fact that they can't do anything alone. They had to come into the chat room together to look tough. Too bad they didn't know the chat room had 20 or 30 other Americans in it. What a bunch of idiots.