Ok, before I go on; this is just plain stupid, but I like it, in a demented sort of way. I thought I needed to put in some more crazy humor, I just hope I haven't clouded over the kick-ass parts of this with humor. Anyway, here it is; in the form of one of Enigma's nightmares.

***

Enigma stood up, not sure where he was. He had a strange feeling he had been there before, but wasn't sure. Everything looked flat to him. And that's when he saw them. The most evil things he had ever seen.

Stick men.

"No. What do you want from me?" Enigma asked, trying to run away but couldn't take his eyes off of the approaching stick people. The stick people only followed him.

"We want to be 3D!" One shouted as they followed.

"Leave me alone!" Enigma yelled, and turned around to run as fast as he could. His face smacked into a steel pole that showed up out of nowhere, knocking him down. He grabbed his face in confusion, noticing that his hand had blood on it. Usually, it took a sledgehammer to his forehead to cause a slight bruise, but now he was bleeding as if he was normal.

The stick men were approaching, and Enigma stood up. He tried to throw one of the stick people away, but he couldn't. His worst fear, besides being chased by stick men, had been realized; he was normal.

The stick men circled around him, trapping him. And then help arrived-

Santa Claus.

Santa mowed down a few stick people, and jumped out of his sleigh. His team of reindeer flew off as Santa loaded a magazine into an AK-47 and tossed a 9mm berretta to Enigma. They shot randomly into the massing stick men until they ran out of ammo, and almost all of the stick people were dead. Santa looked at the last stick man, and bent over. The stick man was still with fear as Santa farted, blowing the stick man away. Enigma just looked at Santa confused.

"How do you think I get out of those chimneys?" Santa asked.

Then, something weird happened. The little sticks that made up the stick people came together, melting into one huge stick man. The super stick towered above Santa and Enigma, looking down at them angrily.

"Now we're screwed." Santa said right before the super stick grabbed him with his giant stick hand, which didn't have fingers, and lifted him up to it's big round head that didn't have any facial features.

"Potty-mouth." The stick man said out through a mouth that wasn't there. Then the super stick bit his head off like a chocolate Easter bunny. Enigma didn't understand how that worked since it had no mouth, but Santa's head just disappeared.

The super stick loomed over Enigma, and raised one of its big stick legs to crush him. Enigma thought it was over, and the reindeer returned.

"It killed Santa! Destroy it!" Rudolph yelled as the other 8 unhooked themselves from the sleigh and flew in to attack.

Dasher and Dancer attacked on its right leg, snapping it off.

Prancer and Vixen nibbled its right arm off.

Comet and Cupid kicked its left arm away from the main stick body.

Donder and Blitzen bit it's last leg off, but were accidentally crushed when the main body fell to the 2D ground.

And Rudolph walked up to the big head, and crapped on it. Then he stomped down with all 4 hooves on its neck, the head rolling off.

Enigma looked down at the big stick head, listening intently to its final words. "Luke." It took a breath, sounding like Darth Vader. "I am your father!" Then it died.

***

Enigma jolted up in bed, beads of sweat rolling off of his face. He looked around him, and realized he was in his house. "I need therapy." He said, and went back to sleep.