A/N: Oh my god, I am sooooo sorry peoples. We have gotten the house painted so my computer has been disconnected, and then my Mom needed to replace the desk and wouldn't hook my computer back up until she found a new one. But my dad finally got the other computer and got the Internet working, so I GOT TO UPDATE!!!!! YAY!!!!! I would answer all the reviews but I have a feeling you would rather have the chapter. But thank you all you are wonderful!! Thanks for putting up with me.
Sirius froze, his mind racing through memories, suppressed, in an attempted to forget them.
***Flashback***
A little 8 year-old boy, with black hair and bloodshot black eyes, sat huddled in the corner of a little room. Various cuts and bruises on his face, arms and bare stomach. A large man, his father, came at him, throwing punch after punch at his son. "Daddy, please stop" the small boy attempted to scream before becoming limp on the floor, loosing consciousness.
***End Flashback***
'Oh god, please not Lily.' Sirius thought, and then scolded himself. 'No its probably just a bad dream. I can't jump to conclusions like that.' After glancing one again at the sleeping redhead he turned over and fell into an uneasy sleep.
***********
The sun fell across Lily's tear stained face, her large emerald eyes fluttered open, blinking under the sun's bright rays. Lily pushed herself into a sitting position but instantly regretted it, for her head immediately began to throb and a wave of nausea swept over her. 'Fever. I almost forgot. Just my luck,' She thought, lying back down shivers wracking her body. She then looked over at Sirius who must have woken up.
"You okay Lils? You look really pale." He said sitting up, his arm having re-grown its bones.
"Fever" was all she could say before she felt like she was going to throw up.
"I'll get Madame Pomfrey." Sirius said getting up.
"Wait" Lily started, taking deep slow breaths. Sirius turned back around towards her. "Charm" she said. It took Sirius a moment before he understood what she meant. He reach out and grabbed his wand.
"Finite Incantum" Lily whispered.
"Finite Incantum." Sirius repeated with a swish of his wand. He smiled reassuringly at Lily then went to the nurse's office. Madame Pomfrey came out a moment later with a potion in each hand, muttering things to herself.
"Here you are dear. Drink these." She handed the potions to Lily. Lily slowly sat up, still attempting to slow her breathing. Lily closed her eyes against her pounding headache and drank the foul tasting potions. The potions had taken affect, slowly her head stopped pounding, her stomach settled and she felt warmer.
"You should feel better now, but take it easy. Professor Dumbledore insisted on letting you go to classes if you wanted to. But you will need to stay and at least eat here, you need a proper meal." The nurse said, obviously upset with the headmaster's decisions about her patients.
"Yes Madame." Lily said quietly, looking at her hands. The nurse went into her office shaking her head. When she opened the office door Isis bolted out and jumped onto Lily's lap. Lily gazed at the kitten, silently stoking its silky black fur.
"What's its name?" A voiced beside her asked. Lily looked up to see Remus sitting at the foot of her bed.
"Isis." She replied softly.
"An Egyptian Goddess." Lily smiled softly
"Was your mom in Egypt?"
"Yeah, she was at a dig in Cairo." Lily replied sadly, her eyes going from having no expression, to an overwhelming sadness.
"Lils…"
"Hmmm?"
"Are you feeling okay, or at least better?" Remus said, as he lowered his head to make eye contact with Lily, but not succeeding.
"Yeah." She said refusing to look at Remus, but only gazing at her hands. 'The bruises are clearing up. That's a good sign.'
"You sure?" His voice showed that he clearly did not believe her.
"I'll be fine."
"We were really worried about you."
"You were?" Lily looked up, her gaze meeting Remus'; he smiled softly as their eyes made contact. 'Somebody was worried about me?' Lily thought in disbelief.
"Of course."
"And no one was worried about me?" Sirius asked pretending to pout.
"Nope." Remus said smiling.
"Is your arm better?" Lily asked Sirius quietly.
"As good as new. Thank you LILY." Sirius looked purposely at Remus and Lily looked back at her hands. The door burst open as the other two marauders strode in pompously, causing Lily to glance up at the two boys.
"We bold brave nights request an audience with the fair Lady Lily and the bumbling Black idiot." James announced bowing towards Lily. She looked up at him with a small forced smile on her face. Still stroking Isis who had fallen asleep on her lap.
"Well milady" Sirius asked smiling "do we wish to speak with these fools?"
"They do seem like kind gentlemen, let them speak." Lily said, flashing a small smile at Sirius. James and Sirius started laughing then talking about last night's events, the detentions and the prefect meeting.
Remus looked to Lily, his face showing none of the playful joy of his friends.
"Lily…" He started careful to keep his voice low.
"Yes." She said with a sigh.
"I know you aren't ready yet, but when you are, tell me what happened, okay."
"When I am ready."
"Promise me that you will tell me."
"When I am ready."
"Promise me."
"I… I promise."
He leaned towards her and gave her a brotherly hug. Lily stiffened at the contact but forced herself to relax. "I promise." She whispered into his shoulder as he gave her one last small squeeze before turning back to his friends.
"Hey Lily, wanna come eat with us?" Peter asked, finally speaking up.
"She most certainly will not. She is to eat here. She is still my patient for the time being." She looked at the boys expectantly. "Get out, move along" she said scooting them towards the door.
"Madame, may we come back after breakfast and make sure Lily gets to her first class okay?" James asked innocently, flashing a quick smile at Lily.
"Fine, fine, if you must. Now leave!" The four boys hurried out the door shouting goodbyes to Lily as they left. She watched their retreating back as the nurse hurried to her office. Lily turned over looking out the tower window, the blue sky with translucent white clouds.
'Why do they care? No one ever took the time to care. Why do they care? Should I tell them what happened? No, father said to never tell anyone, they wouldn't care.' Then another voice, a voice Lily hasn't heard in a long time spoke. 'Yes they would care. You need to tell them, they will help. 'I can't' Lily thought. 'You have to.' Something inside her said, 'be strong.'
Lily took a deep breath as Madame Pomfrey came in caring a tray of food. She set it next to Lily, did one final check to make sure the potions were working effectively and administering some new ones. Once she was satisfied she returned her attention to the tray of food.
"Eat it all, you will not leave this room until you do." She said, setting the food on Lily's lap and then setting a fresh set of robes next to her trunk.
"I will, thanks."
"Your welcome." The nurse said with a nod, and then retreated into her office.
Lily moved Isis and stared at the food for a minute. It was more of a meal then she had eaten all summer. The smell made her somewhat nauseous but she was sick of being in this plain hospital room, the silence and the blank walls would drive her crazy. She slowly picked up her fork.
'Here goes nothing.' She took one bite and then the next and the next, soon the whole meal was finished, leaving Lily feeling much, much better. Then she slowly leaned over, closed the drapes around her bed and changed into her robes. Once she was changed she walked over to Madame Pomfrey's office, carrying her empty tray if food.
"Good, you ate it all." The nurse said upon Lily's entrance. Lily nodded. "Set it on the table over there and you may leave when you are ready. But if you start feeling Ill again you come right back here.
"Okay" Lily said setting down her tray.
"And the house elves will take your kitten and whatever else you need to your dormitory."
"Thank you." Lily said walking out the door.
As if on queue the four Marauders entered the hospital wing.
"Are you free to go?" Sirius asked.
"Yeah, as soon as I grab my books." She walked over to her bed, put Isis in her carrier, grabbed her bags and then joined the boys.
"Ready?" Peter asked.
"Yes." Lily said glancing at him nervously; her impressions of him weren't necessarily the best.
"Great." James said offering with a reassuring smile.
"Lets go." Peter said turning to the door. Sirius shook his head at his friends back.
"Don't mind him, I'll talk some sense into him. He isn't usually like this." Sirius said running after Peter.
"Shall we." James said holding his arm out to Lily. Lily hesitated for a moment then took his arm, and Remus took her other. Both guys smiled to see a small blush on Lily's cheeks.
They walked down the halls. The boys chatting happily with Lily, trying to take her mind off her troubles, trying to make her feel comfortable with them, make her feel welcome. Lily, who immediately recognized what they were doing, played along.
'I can do this' Lily coached herself. 'Nod. Good girl. Make eye contact, that's it.' Lily even started adding a few "ahuh"'s and an occasional "really?" between paying attention to what the boys were saying, coaching herself, and trying to ignore the piercing eyes of the passing students.
'Wow. I'm got this down, I hope. Maybe they will stay friends with me. Having some good friends would be nice, especially if Remus starts hanging out with me like he did before. Sirius seems nice, James too, Peter's a little strange, but, if Remus likes him I guess he's okay.'
She was only mildly surprised when the marauders sat around her in Transfiguration surrounded her in the halls and has at least one of them with her in every class.
At first the eyes that were glued to her and the whispers passing through the halls as they passes unnerved her, but she soon became annoyed and artfully glared at the students (As her father would do to Lily when her mum was around), then went back to listening to whomever was walking and talking with her.
By the end of the day she was thoroughly exhausted and upon entering the common room, promptly sat down on the thick red rug by the front of the fireplace, instead of retreating to her dorm. She knew the guys wanted to make sure she was okay. She rolled on to her stomach, pausing for a second, first to get a hold of the pain from her still healing bruises and then to try to coax herself into getting out her homework, which she slowly did. Lily set the book in front of her, laid her head down on it and sighed. Then quickly propped herself up on her elbows and began working away.
Remus smiled at the familiar action. James Peter and Sirius laughed silently and then joined her on the floor; some 7th years (including the head boy) had taken over the couch.
Remus pulled out his homework and began working. Both Lily and him helped each other if they were having trouble understanding anything. Peter and James played chess and Sirius chatted with a group of 3rd and 4th year girls that were fawning over him.
A few hours later the common room began to empty out. Remus had gone upstairs early; the full moon was in a few days. Peter and Sirius were now playing chess and James had left moments ago to meet with the Quidditch Captain. Lily, had fallen asleep, her read hair sprawled across an open book that she had been working ahead in. Homework kept her mind busy and off her problems. Peter finally won the game, smirking at Sirius then walking pompously up the stairs.
Sirius shook his head with a smile, then turned to Lily he walked over and picked her up, startled to see how light she was and at the sight of silent tears spilling down her cheeks. He hesitated, thinking about waking up James or Remus or even calling Peter back down but then stopped. He new some things people wanted to keep to themselves. He took her up stairs, placed her on her bed, took off her shoes and wiped the tears from her face. He ran back down stairs, got her books and set them by her bed. Then silently snuck back to his dorm, falling asleep to his own troubled thoughts.
When he woke up the next morning Sirius had a full out internal war. One part of him wanted to find out what was wrong with Lily. The other part instinctively knew that this was her secret, and she wouldn't want to share it. 'Not all secrets seem better in the open.' Sirius thought grimly. ' Well, I can just stick by her, maybe I'll see something, or maybe she will tell me.' A small almost laughable thought then occurred 'maybe I'll tell her.'
He got out of bed, and became the world's most annoying alarm clock, (WARNING: highly combustible). He raced over to James bed, jumping on it, jumping on James, singing "Yankee Doodle" at the top of his lungs, and laughing like a maniac. Once James was up, yelling some choice curses at his best friend, Sirius went to wake up Peter and finally Remus, who both through their pillows at their annoying friend before getting ready for classes. Ignoring Sirius's odd mornings.
The four guys got ready and went down to breakfast, after scanning the common room unsuccessfully for Lily. She was already down in the great hall. She had woken up early, before her roommates could throw insults at her. Lily wasn't stupid, she saw her puffy eyes when she woke up, she saw her tearstained cheeks, and she knew she didn't walk all the way to the 5th year dorm last night. Someone had seen her, seen her cry; she knew it was one of the four marauders. Who else would do that for her? But because she fell asleep so early she didn't know which one. But she wanted friends, and she couldn't have them know about her, her life at home, if they knew, they wouldn't want to be friends with someone like her.
Sirius kept a close eye on her all day. Lily thought that one would be completely stupid not to notice it, he was being perfectly obvious, but then again none of the other Marauders noticed, or acted any different. 'I'm losing it.' She thought for the hundredth time today as Sirius quickly turned his gaze away from her, as she caught him studying her for the hundredth time today, and Peter kept babbling away, James and Remus offered a very forced laugh at some bad joke that Lily had ignored. 'Wait, maybe there is a reason he is acting strange; maybe he was the one who found me last night. It must be him. I wonder what happened.' She tried to recall her dream but could only remember that it contained a blur of memories, as many of her dreams did. So she made an effort to act a little normal. She still didn't speak much or smile, but she tried to convince them, mostly Sirius, that she was fine. She went to see Professor Dumbledore, lied about being in a car accident. She knew that he knew she was lying, but she couldn't tell him the truth, not now, not yet.
And that's how things where for awhile, Lily was still top of most of her classes, was defended from the Slytherins by the marauders, gradually became less of a discussion topic for the gossipers of Hogwarts, but she was only ever half there, seeing happiness around her but never really a part of it, 'I don't deserve it.' She would tell herself, then smile sadly and go back to her routine.
Sirius made an active effort to lighten the mood, James, Remus and Peter actively tried to. They, basicly acted like themselves. Told funny jokes, played pranks, Sirius would sing and dance around, with the help of a spell or two, complements of Peter. And of course James and Sirius still dated, Remus did occasionally, but being a werewolf made him fear any real relationship. But they some how never failed to keep someone with Lily, and Lily had to admit that this could be rather annoying, but people, she mostly avoided them anyway, were kinder to her. She knew it was just because she was friends with the marauders.
Lily made sure she never fell asleep downstairs again. She would stay up until the other 5th year Gryffindors were asleep then go to her room. Sirius gradually began to loosen up, but he did take notice of how she was acting, how little she was talking.
It worried him; she was closing inside of herself, like she had always done. There had to be more to it, something there. Sirius knew he used comedy to escape pain; she must have some type of pain, except it was eating her from the inside. Sirius wanted her to do something, scream, cry, yell, laugh, something that showed that she was really alive.
Sirius wasn't the only one. James had noticed something too. Her eyes seemed so distant, her smile, when she actually smiled, was so sad. He could feel that something was wrong, and he could tell Sirius knew something more than he was letting the rest of them know.
"Moony?" He asked one night. Sirius was in detention (Slytherins suddenly covered with mice, during the morning post, don't ask), Lily had gone upstairs, and Peter had the Invisibility Cloak to get food from the kitchens.
"Yeah?"
"What was Lily like when you were first friends?" Remus wasn't expecting that. He slowly turned around to face James. He was still for a moment, considering the question.
"She was quiet, shy. I saw a few nervous smiles and she laughed occasionally, more than know. Now that I really think about it, she would always get really quiet around the holidays. She always went home and when she came back it would take a few weeks before I would hear her laugh. She would always talk about her mother, who was almost always away, to exotic places. She is an architect. Lily seems to really like her mother. I always figured she was sad because her mother sometimes didn't make it home during the holiday.'
"What about her other family. Dad? Sisters? Brothers?"
"She has a sister and her father. She didn't talk about them much. I got the impression her father was really strict. It is probably his reaction to having to run the house by himself. But I really don't know anything about them. She started to draw away once we became close friends. You and Sirius were best friends from the start, so I got to meet her before I really became a Marauder."
"Yeah," James sat thinking. "Hmmmm. I just don't get it. Something seems wrong. And I have a strange feeling Sirius knows something more. But he isn't saying anything; I don't think he plans to. I know he hasn't been acting different; he is still his crazy self. But I don't know, there is something else there." James frowned, clearly frustrated.
"I don't know Prongs. I don't know."
James nodded, defeated, and turned to look up the stairs towards the girl's dormitories. Where he knew a certain redhead slept. A girl troubled by her own disturbing memories and thoughts that never should have been hers.
A/N: My editor's on vacation and I can't get to my other one at the moment so I just posted, sorry for any errors. I'll have them read through it and then re-post it but I couldn't wait. Sorry Koneko Sorry DorkyPrincess. Forgive me. I'll try to update as long as I can get files back and forth between computers, I'll have someone else post something If my computers get messed up again. TTFN Review if you don't hate me too much. Forgive me. I love you all. HE HE HE
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