Can't Stop Loving You

by ShadowSpirits

Bakura makes a decision to leave town, unable to stay near the one he loves. But when Ryou gets to telling Yami, can the two stop him before he really leaves? Doubtful. (Yaoi: Yami/Bakura, Malik/Mariku)

4. Breaking the Habit

Breaking the Habit by Linkin' Park

Meh…not TOO long on updating this (3 months XD)….be happy though, it's a LONG chapter. I like writing long chapters though .___. I hate having anything I write be under 6 pages. Weird habit, I guess. It's kind of a weird chapter too. Angst, of course, but it's just….really odd. To me anyway XD.

"If my faith gives way I have nothing, nothing, if I lose my grip I've gained none at all." -Kerosene: Mad at Gravity

************

(Mariku)

Somehow we managed to get Bakura stable and into a chair after he literally had a breakdown. But I guess I don't really blame him…Bakura never gave Malik an answer on whether or not it was Yami who he loved, but it was kind of obvious.

I took a seat next to my hikari on the couch and watched the other for a moment, sighing lightly before finally talking. "Is it Ryou, or Yami that you left?"

Bakura's eyes rose to met mine, blank and dismal filled. It was almost more scary than his dark and twisted look he can sometimes have. "Bakura?" I prompted him again, waiting for an answer, only to get an indistinct response, but I could still tell who it was.

"……Yami…."

I looked to my hikari and he shrugged, standing up and stretching.

~*Where are you going?*~

*To make a sandwich and then try to find Ryou.*

I rose a brow, but said nothing more. Normally I would say I would go with him, now is a bad idea though because that would mean I'd have to leave Bakura alone. I don't want to do that, it could go downhill.

************
(Bakura)

No one understands. What, do they think this is no big deal? I thought my life went downhill when I left Domino, now it just drop to unbelievable low. I feel like I've been killed and yet I'm still trapped here. Why does this always happen to me?! Even in the past I never seemed to be able to just DIE! Instead I get stuck in the god-forbidden ring!

Memories consume

Like opening the wound

I'm picking me apart again

So what do you do Yami? And my own hikari for that matter? You both stab me in the back!! I hate the both of you, dammit! Why Ryou?! Didn't I ever tell you I loved him?! No, probably not - maybe I should have - but you should have used your senses and keep your damn-so-called-innocent-hands off MY Yami!! My Pharaoh….Why…..why does the world have to be so much against me? I tried to make things right…but no….that never lasted and I know I should have tried harder….should have tried to win Yami all for myself….

I'm such an idiot….I should have left this world long ago…I have to get away from here! Have to get past Mariku and escape outside and run off to where no one will ever be able to find me! Egypt…I could go to Egypt and lock myself into Yami's tomb (if I can find it anyway) forever…take one of his old blades to my arm….

…I just need to get out of here…

You all assume

I'm safe here in my room

[unless I try to start again]

As far away as possible…

************

(Ryou)

"Ryou! How did this happen, I can't believe I LET it happen! God dammit! I should have said something! What am I supposed to do now?"

I rested my head in my palm, eyes following the other as he paced back and forth with uncertain emotions. Pulling my eyes away for a moment to look at a clock on the wall, we had managed to find a close by hotel and get a room for a few days. Yami has been repeating himself for at least an hour - probably denial. I feel pretty bad…he's not even crying right now (which may be a good thing), just shouting about how stupid he was. A deer faced down by headlights, that's what he was. That's what we were actually…both of us could hardly say a thing as Bakura's anger hit down on us, slapped us away!

He's so stubborn…

"WHY ARE YOU JUST SITTING THERE?! Is this no big deal to you?!" Yami suddenly snapped as he faced me, hands suddenly smack down on the table that I was sitting at. I leant off it and back into my chair to get away from his bloodshot eyes. Those were from his earlier crying.

"Yami," I took a breath, trying to keep calm, "you should really try and relax. I don't think you realize how bad you look right now."

"Well thank you very much for the support, Ryou, some friend you are!"

Ugh…maybe the crying was better than this. I stood up, meeting his gaze seriously. "Yami, if you keep going off in a rage like this, what do you expect me to say? I can't comfort you from what happened, all I can say is that at least I'm not done trying. You can stay here and keep yelling if you want." I paused, moving for the door and seeing if he was going to say anything, but he didn't. I grabbed a cell phone and my jacket.

I don't want to be the one

The battles always choose

'Cause inside I realize

That I'm the one confused

"But I'm going out for now - alone. Try not to do anything stupid, ok? This isn't over yet."

************

(Yami)

I watched Ryou walked out and took a breath, collapsing into the chair that he had moved from. Ok, so maybe I am giving up. But who the hell am I kidding? I don't have the energy to try anymore. Bakura's not someone who will just plainly listen. He's one to stick with his thoughts and will never let go once he gets an idea. So what can I do? Try and convince him that Ryou and I aren't going out?

Like that'll work.

I don't know what's worth fighting for

Or why I have to scream

"Why do you keep trying, Ryou?" I started to choke out and I pulled my legs up onto the chair to curl up ever so slightly. "It's useless…hopeless even….why does anyone bother to help me…" No….no! I have to act calm…have to relax…Tea! I should drink some tea….! Yeah….that's right…

I stood quickly, nearly tripping over the leg of the table as I stumbled to a counter, shakily opening a cabinet and pulling out the packet of tea, setting it into a cup of water and into the microwave. After it was done I took it back to the table, sitting again and wrapping my hands around the warmth of the cup. I pick it up to take a sip - hoping it will help to relax myself, but I think my hands are shaking even more now that they're holding something.

"Bakura…" I feel my eyes start to water again and I close them shut, trying not to think of him. I have to forget him! I have to! There's nothing else I can do…but……but…. "Why are you doing this to me Bakura?!"

I don't know why I instigate

And say what I don't mean

I heard a shatter and jump out of a sudden daze, looking at my two shaking hands to see them empty. Quickly, I stood up, eyes widening as I stared around the table. I dropped the mug. I dropped the damn mug! Gods….it crashed everywhere! Dammit….

I ignored the fragments of it that scattered the table and set my arms onto the it, head falling into them. "How d-does everyone expect me to h-handle all of this…." I couldn't cover up the tears this time. I couldn't shout at Ryou again to act like I was fine. I could just…..I could only……cry….

************

(Ryou)

I stepped into a local café, glancing around the tables for a certain person, when I spotted him. Malik gave me a slight wave and I moved to sit with him in silence, eying the other hikari evenly and daring him to speak first. I suppose nothing was really his fault, but he is the one who started assuming things that weren't true. Maybe if he had just greeted us with ease, Bakura would never have thought Yami and I were dating.

"So," he muttered then took a sip of the water he must have ordered before I arrived. "You called saying you wanted to meet. I wouldn't have met with you if I didn't want to talk as well."

"I feel so loved," I murmured.

"Look, Ryou," his voice took a slightly alarming edge, "You and Yami, I want you to break up."

"Malik, we aren't going out," I began though I think he ignored me and continued to speak.

I don't know how I got this way

I know it's not alright

"I can't believe it - you and him - a real pair. How lovable, right? I don't think so! I wish I could slap you right now, but I won't bruise you lovely skin. My yami and I don't enjoy the setup between you and the Pharaoh, and personally - I hate it!"

"Malik! Listen to me! Yami and I are not dating!" I tried to emphasize, starting to stand a bit. "But wait, are you and my yami going out…?" That thought had passed into my mind when Malik first opened the door. I never told Yami that I thought that either Malik or Mariku were going out with my other half though….I was afraid of how he may react to it. But when Malik spoke again, I think he completely ignored my first comment.

"No, I am not going out with Bakura! My yami and I happen to be going out! And you are utterly inconsiderate to your dark half! Maybe you don't even care about his feelings. Do you even know why he left Domino in the FIRST place?!"

So I'm

Breaking the habit

Tonight

I stared off at him, eyes twitching slightly. He can't keep ignoring me like this.

"No? Well now that I know about you and Yami, I can blame you for why he left! Bakura loves Yami, did you know that?! And yet you have to be a backstabbing ass and go take Yami all for your self! You're so selfish, Ryou Bakura!"

We were both standing at that point, and for once I was ready with a snappish retort until I froze and reviewed his words in my mind. I blinked a moment and straightened slightly. "Wait, what did you just say…?"

"About what?" he eyed me narrowly, but I returned and stuck with my suddenly calm nature.

"About Bakura loving."

I watched his eyes narrow and I felt his sudden anger towards me.

"He loves your boyfriend," Malik seethed and I sank back into my seat, head falling into my palm. I heard Malik sit as well and I felt his gaze on me, looking up at him.

"Malik. For the last time, Yami and I are not going out, we came here to find my yami. But….oh my god…" I shook my head, eyes wide lightly. Malik seemed to be staring with confusion, and I don't blame him….might as well tell him. "…We came here to find Bakura…because Yami was in love."

************

(Bakura)

"Where are you going?"

I glanced up at the sound of Mariku's voice. Damn, I almost made it too. Mariku had gotten up to get something to drink…so me being the "great thief" I am - tried to escape out this place, but of course (because of my luck), Mariku came back just as my hand rested on the door. I turned to him and flashed an innocent smile.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Mariku."

"Bakura," he warned and I glared.

"I don't need a babysitter, Mariku, I'm not child."

"And I don't trust having you be alone."

I seethed at him and stepped away from the door a bit. I don't need to handle this bullshit, it's nonsense. Since when does Mariku think he rules over me? How dare even starts to think such a thing! I won't allow it! I won't! I tighten my glare to him and quickly drop my arms to my sides.

"I'm sorry, father, I thought I was at a decent age to be able to go out without a 'parent,' I promise I'll be back by curfew," I spat out with sarcasm, but by the look he's giving me it seems he doesn't care much. Damn him. Damn him and his whacked out hikari for ever being in this stupid town. City. Whatever, who gives a fuck.

"Don't give me that Bakura, I happen to actually be worried about your current state, so take the sympathy for once in your life."

I had hoped I wouldn't have to do this.

In an instant, all electricity was cut out in the apartment and probably even the room beneath us and to the sides. Who cares. I've invoked the powers of the ring, my entrapment becoming freed darkness and encasing the room into a deep indigo and magenta fog. "I DON'T WANT YOUR BLOODY SYMPATHY!!!"

Clutching my cure

I tightly lock the door

I try to catch my breath again

He seems a bit surprised by my sudden antics and doesn't try to deny me when the door was nearly forced off its latches as I stormed out, the power slowly dying down, but nevertheless it still lingered even as I moved away.

Stupid, stupid bastard. He should know better than to distract me from what I want. What I need. Freedom, aren't I allowed to have it? At all?! Why can't I just be left alone and let to do as I fucking please?!

I growl in agitation, having made it out of the elevator and into the lobby. I can hear a lot of shuffling around of workers trying to find out why the power had gone off in part of the building and sneer with delight, but I did decide to free that part of the building from the grasping shadows, restoring power and being quite amused that the workers became even MORE confused. I love this part of life….making complete havoc while my whole fucking life is being screwed with…

I hurt much more

Than anytime before

I had no options left again

*************

(Malik)

Ok, so ok now…this is NOT how I figured things would be spoken into my face. Could someone rewind for me that part with Ryou saying Yami is in love with Bakura? I'd like to be absolutely sure that's what Ryou just told me. I shook my head, letting the information sink in before voicing out. "So then. What do we do about it now?"

He looked over at me and shook his head as well and I sighed out. "Even if I told Bakura, he wouldn't believe me. He's too stubborn."

"Yeah…and so is Yami, he'd never bother to listen to me - he's being rather high strung lately. Since we left your guy's place that is." It was his turn to sigh. "Maybe we could make you go after him and make Bakura pissed? And then have some way to show I'm 'cheating' on him."

"Uh, excuse me, you have to remember here that I'm dating my yami. I don't think he'd be pleased if I randomly started to kiss Yami."

Ryou gave a shrug and I resisted a glare. "Fine, than make Mariku go after Yami, I'm sure he can pull it off, and then I can cheat on Yami with you. Really, it wouldn't be that bad!" I think he saw the dark look cross my face. "Look, look, Malik, isn't there like a carnival or festival or whatever soon? We can plan it all out there….it'd work, I swear!"

Uh-huh. It actually sounds kind of reasonable…. "I'm calling Mariku down here. We can talk it over with him and see what happens."

"Fine," he agreed with a nod and I mumbled something before opening my connection with my other.

*Mariku?*

~*WHAT?!*~

…..Ok then….that wasn't quite expected…. *Someone's moody. Look, can you come down to the café outside the building? We need to talk with you about something.*

~*We?*~

*Myself and Ryou.*

~*And why would you be with Ryou?*~

Something HAD to have happened…he's in a really touchy attitude. I cringe a bit under his voice and Ryou gives me an odd look, but I quickly say it's nothing and shake my head. You'd think I'd be able to handle my darker half by now. Uh, maybe if I pull something "uncharacteristic" he'll lighten up. *Because, koi, we've devised a plan to get Yami and Bakura together and we need your help.*

~*Koi…?*~ He seemed to at least consider the title. Good. Seems he lightened up by it as well. ~*Fine, I'm coming, hikari.*~

I shook my head again a bit and smiled. "He's coming. But don't think he's going to take the idea lightly."

************

(Mariku)

Koi, huh? Could get used to that. I chuckled lightly, making my way into the café I was told to go to. Though I still can't understand…I know he said he was meeting up with Ryou, but aren't Ryou and Yami together…? So why would he help make a plan to get Yami and Bakura together? Whatever…hikaris are confusing.

I don't want to be the one

The battles always choose

"So why are you helping us?" I asked Ryou immediately as I sat down, raising a brow at the white-haired other. It was a blunt question, but I don't really care. Even if I got a blunt answer.

"Yami loves Bakura, and I'm not dating him."

Learn something new everyday. "Right then. And your plan is…?" I looked between Malik and Ryou, trying to understand what my little lover seemed to be fidgeting about. I think I have a bad feeling about this. I look over at Ryou, as he's the one who responds.

"Um, well, I think if we make it look like I'm cheating on Yami with Malik….and you're more or less 'attacking' Yami at the carnival…than we might be able to have Bakura come to the rescue and get them at the very least TALK to each other…"

"So let me get this straight….you want me….to attack Yami? As in assault him?" They gave a nod to be and I mumble a bit of my native tongue so they can't understand how I want to kill them. They do realize that Bakura would have my head, right?

"Pllleeasseeee, koi…?" I glanced over at my hikari and curse.

"Malik. No. I'm not doing it."

He pouted and slid into a chair besides me, I glanced at Ryou who merely shrugged and then back at my light, eyes widening. He leant forward, breathing on my lips and kissing gently, pulling away to linger a bit.

"Then I guess no more of this."

What?! "That's blackmail!"

"No one ever said I was an innocent hikari."

I tried to kiss him, but he pulled back fully, crossing his arms defiantly. I glared forcefully at Ryou, who was trying not to laugh at our actions it seemed. This is that brat's fault! He probably created this plan and now I have to go through it! Dammit! Why did Malik have to inherit my cleverness?

Cause inside I realize

That I'm the one confused

"Fine. Fine, I'll do it," I mumbled with grave agitation, glaring at the ground.

I don't know what's worth fighting for

Or why I have to scream

I don't know why I instigate

And say what I don't mean

"Alright, I have to convince Yami to go, and Malik said you guys already had Bakura say yes, so hopefully the next time I see you two, it'll be at the carnival, how's that sound?" Ryou asked calmly.

He wouldn't be so calm if I took him to a noose and hang him. "Oh, well it's all great I suppose, except for the fact that we hope Bakura will come back sometime beforehand." I received two blank stares from that comment, Malik was the first to manage to speak.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Bakura left."

"And you didn't stop him?!" Now Ryou cut back in.

"Did you want a Shadow Game to start up?!" I growled. "That's what would have happened! He pulled energy from the ring and cut down power in a lot of the apartments, I just let him go at the point that he was pulling the Shadow Realm open."

Ryou groaned, shaking his head and setting it in his arms.

"I'd track him down, but he'd kill me if I found him. If he's not back by tomorrow I'll try and do something with the ring, maybe I can somehow get a sign for the carnival in his soul room. So what if he locked me out."

I don't know how I got this way

I know it's not alright

So I'm

Breaking the habit

Tonight

"Heh, good luck, Ryou," Malik muttered as we stood, I tried to put an arm over his shoulders and he pulled off, sticking his tongue out at me. "No way, not until Yami and Bakura are together."

"What?! Malik!" He was already running, I guess he realized that I had pulled out the Sennen Rod before starting to chase him with it. Oh how I want to bash his head in right now! Damn all hikaris, they're trying to blackmail me every chance they get!!

************

(Bakura)

I shuffled my way down a street, posters scattered neatly on various important buildings like town hall for that carnival Malik was so stoked about. I suppose I can still go. All I need now is a box to curl away into. What, doesn't this town have any slums or something? Dammit…this place is too nice. Maybe I could sleep on one of the beaches?

No…crabs…

I gave a shiver, night was approaching and I still had nowhere to go. I sigh and moved towards one of the many beaches (so I've heard) of this place, pulling off my shoes and socks and walking down towards the water. Doubtful that I'll get any sleep tonight.

The water is a bit cool, but still has a warmth to it. Rather nice, if you ask me.

"Do you need help with anything?"

I turned around, glancing back and raising a brow at some random crazy-haired blonde with a black trench coat. Standing by my shoes and socks, I might add. "Excuse me…?"

"I wanted to know if you needed any help, you look like you need it." The form headed towards me and I gave a bit of a growl to disapprove him. He merely shrugs and takes my chin in his grasp. "Aw, come on, I don't really want to hurt you." I started to pull away at how sudden the guy's voice changed when he seized one of my arms and I felt trapped. I watched his eyes fall down to look at my ring and I tried to struggle back again, even try to open the link to the shadows again, but I was faltering with my energy and found it impossible.

I'll paint it on the walls

Cause I'm the one at fault

"Let me go," I hissed with rage, starting to break his grasp to me.

He just pulled me closer instead. "I don't want to, but maybe if you give me that pretty necklace of yours, I will."

"Fuck off," I merely snapped and I felt him release my chin, pulling something from his side and there was quickly cold metal pressed against my neck. It wasn't that hard against me…but then again, I could feel it prick against my neck and a wetness began to fall. Dammit…I'm bleeding.

Fucking knife.

"Really….I don't want to leave such a precious body like yours…." I was not shaking. Just wanted to mention that. No one has any proof that I'm fucking shaking! "So I'll leave you looking not so precious…" I actually thought he wanted to try and rape me.

But no. Instead he just cut the ring from my neck and nicked a long bruising scar into my arm. I couldn't help but cry out in pain, feeling him move away from me to allow my body to collapse to my knees into the slowly tainting sand. I grasped my arm to my chest, ignoring the blood as I cringed in pain, looking up with a blurred gaze at the smirking blonde who held my Sennen item. "Maybe we'll run into each other some other time, ahou," he gave a sneer and I snapped out at him.

"Fucking bastard, give me my ring!"

"Oh, but it's so pretty…"

I growled, making an attempt to stand and succeeding mostly, when I felt the hilt of his knife collide with the side of my head. I unconsciously whimpered and fell back to the ground, shaking gravely now. "Want your dear necklace back? I'll be auctioning it off at the carnival….heh, maybe you can clean yourself up and make it there." He kicked my body forcefully into the sand, I guess not liking the fact that I was still kneeling. I heard him walking away and tried to curse out at him again, but only managed to curl up in pain.

I'll never fight again

And this is how it ends

"D-D-Dammit….." I whimpered carelessly, one hand clutching into the sand stained in my blood, the other holding to my shirt to keep my arm curled close. I was crying. And you know what, I just really don't care anymore…

************

(Yami)

I started a bit, looking up when the door opened and Ryou looked in, staring at me widely. I was still resting my arms and head on the table with the scattered pieces of the mug. I bit my lip and leant back as he walked over to the table, leaning over me.

"Yami….what happened…?" I looked up at him, uneasy. I probably looked like shit at the moment. I don't think I moved at all today. And now it was night and I still hadn't moved.

"I dropped the mug," I whispered bluntly, reverting my eyes to the table. I'll clean it up at some point…most likely "later."

"Right…" I heard him sigh and sit down. "Hey, look, I found out about something that would cheer you up. There's a carnival going to be in town the day after tomorrow, want to go?"

"No," I muttered. Why would I want to go to a stupid carnival?

"Well, I'm making you go whether you like it or not."

I frowned in his direction. "Then how will that cheer me up if I'm going against my will?"

"Yami….please, just think about it at least? It's supposed to be really fun, maybe you can take some of your anger on some of the games…."

"Whatever."

"Think about it?"

"I guess," I muttered to make him happy. If I go, will he stay off my case? Is it a problem to what to sulk so much in life?"

I don't know what's worth fighting for

Or why I have to scream

But now I have some clarity

To show you what I mean

Yeah. Get rid of anger. Anger management? Is that what you want me to have, Ryou? How about a way to manage being depressed? Because that's more of what I am! Did you ever think of that? Probably not. I shouldn't have ever come out to this stupid place. Why did I bother chasing after Bakura? What was the point? To get flicked off? Like I'm some sort of flea to him?

I don't know how i got this way

I'll never be alright

So I'm

Breaking the habit

Breaking the habit

Tonight

Well this flea is getting tired….really…..really tired….I know when I'm not wanted here. I'll go to that festival-thing like Ryou asked, but the next day, I'm going home. With or without Bakura, or anyone for that matter. I will go home.

************

………………… Told you it was odd. ::Prods LF.:: But did it meet your satisfaction? I worked hard on it .___. I hope at least someone liked it… I put in some small humor points, like Mariku being blackmailed by his hikari to help. This story is really screwed up, did anyone ever notice that? I mean it's just really insane! *Sighs* Oh well, it's good like that I suppose. Poor 'kura .___. That was a random scene with him being abused. Beaten. Whatever you want to call it, he sure got injured. He was mouthing off a lot this chapter, can't really blame him though.

Bakura: I hate you.

I know ^^

Uh….and Ryou's plan… ::Dies laughing.:: I'm sorry, I couldn't help it. I had to do it. Make things more confusing for the characters, though I probably made everyone else confused as well XD Sorry, I hope things'll turn out ok. I have to go….finish something…. ::Glances at folders.:: I know ^^ I'll make a document for myself to keep track of all I need to work on and status of things! ^^ Sure you wanted to know that.

Donno when next chapter will be up. Whenever I find a song to fit what I want to do. Maybe it'll be Nickleback's "Someday." *Shrug* Who knows. Ja for nor! Please review ^^ They always make me feel very happy.

::Glances over at her drawings.:: Gotta finish one of those too….