*Blushes* Umm, I'm sooo sorry that this took so long! But it is a
rather hard story to write. I've never written in first-person, present-
tense before. Its kind of hard. But that don't mean that its fun! Plus,
I am writing two other fics as well! I try to divide my time evenly, but
things happen.
Yes, I have read 'Stranger in A Strange Land'. Its a wonderful, wonderful book, and it inspired me to write this. Along with the book 'The Music Of Dolphins'. That too is wonderful. That's where I got the whole first-person, present-tense thing from. Now I'm beginning to regret it. Ah well, I like experimenting.
Okay. I have some explaining to do. 'The Music Of Dolphins' was a simple, childish book. Therefore, some parts of this will be rather simple. However, 'Stranger in A Strange Land' was complicated and adult. So, some parts in this fic will be complicated and adult. You readers might be in for a ride.
I know I am.
~Beth
* * * *
Soon the bar is filled up, and a male Irken's face is on a screen. He has red eyes, but they are a different shade than mother's. He looks very relieved.
"Izarith! You're alive! Thank the gods! When my computer detected that explosion, I was sure you all would be goners-" Then he sees her expression. "Why...aren't you happy? /You just narrowly escaped death! You're a hero!/ What's wrong?" He says, looking very concerned.
My mother's face is ashen. She can barely even keep eye contact with the Irken she is talking to. Sobs are rising in her throat as she tries to talk. "Zim. Oh, Zim. Everyone else is with the gods you just thanked. Everyone else is being greeted by them now. /All of them./ They didn't make it." She looks away, her ruby eyes now blood-red with tears. A sob is rising in her throat as she rocks herself unconsciously. "I'm a failure. I have failed. I was their one hope for survival, for sanctuary. And I failed them. I don't deserve being called a hero. I couldn't save them."
"Its not /your/ fault that the empire killed them. You couldn't have known until you were too late anyways. Don't blame yourself." He says consolingly. But mother is no better.
"/But I knew! I sensed that something would happen, but I did nothing!/" She shrieks, tears like liquid rubies falling from her eyes. She buries her face in her hands, sobs shaking her suddenly frail-looking body. Everyone is silent, waiting for her to calm down. She just keeps on sobbing, keeps on wailing like her hearts are being torn up. I cannot stand to look at her like this. She does not look like my mother.
Instead I look over at Bob, who is right across from me. He is shaking and whimpering, but I don't mind; he is always like this. He is just pushing against the corner of the pod like he just wants to go through it and die in space. When mother's wailing continues, he curls up into a tight, shivering, whimpering ball, soon sobbing uncontrollably himself. I look helplessy around. My eyes lock onto Zim's face in the screen.
I stand up and go to the monitor. He just stares at me with wide- eyes, as if he were frightened by me. This makes me feel rather self- conscious, the way he was looking at me so intensely. It is so silent now; I cannot stand it.
"Hello. I'm Zera." I say, trying to be friendly.
"How? What? /Huh?/ Wait... You're a /human./"
I am confused now. "A human?"
"Yes... They are one of the species on Earth. It appears that you are going home then." He states, still looking as shocked as ever.
"But...Irk is my home." I reply. He is shaking his head now.
I am so very confused by all of this. Irk is my home. A home is where you have grown up. It is where you have had all of your most significant experiences. It is where you were raised, where you learned and grew and became who you are. It is where you feel the most comfortable.
And here I am, leaving my home. It is like leaving a piece of me. I feel lighter, emptier, and smaller now. I have left my home. The only place I have ever known. I have lost everything that has ever touched me. That has ever changed me. I feel different; I don't feel like me. Leaving my home is like losing myself. I will never forget my home.
And then here is this male I don't even know, and he is telling me that I am going home. But I am not going home. I am leaving home, and going somewhere else. I find it so strange. They say home is a sanctuary. And I am leaving home; in search of sanctuary. Here we are, leaving a beautiful place that is our home...trying to get away.
After a while, I realize something: Mother is no longer crying. She is just staring at me, looking guilty. Her eyes meet mine. We are not talking. Our eyes seem to speak to each other.
She is saying to me: 'Zera. Zera, I'm so sorry. For everything. I've never told you, never told you we were going to the place you came from.' She looks so sorry right now, I cannot help but accept her apology.
'It is okay. At least now I will see more of my own kind. I can actually say nothing but thank you. Maybe I will be able to find out who I am.'
She smiles weakly at me. There is gratitude in her eyes, and even a pinch of skepticism. I smile sadly at her. There is nothing else I can do.
"Well..." She begins, biting her lip. "We'll be there in about three months now, considering how slowly this pod travels. Maybe less - I don't know."
Zim suddenly coughs loudly, and we all remember he is there suddenly. We look over at him, and his features are alight with impatience. He coughs again, and mother sighs exasperatedly, rolling her eyes playfully.
"Does the great and oh so almighty Zim want our attention now?" She mocks, looking happy and mischievous. He glares happily and sighs also.
"Yes, I do, oh all mighty hero." He mocks back at her. She feigns being offended, and pretends to wipe away a tear. I laugh at this. It seems that mother is finally happy, and that makes me happy. I do, however, find it strange that she is so happy around this arrogant male... This surprises me. I haven't seen her like this lately. Oh well. It still warms my heart to know that maybe she won't be so lonely anymore... To know that maybe, on earth, her hearts will finally have a home.
I know that mother hasn't lead and easy life. She is cold sometimes; definitely not the most friendly Irken you'll meet. She has hearts of stone, or so she says. I would too, if my life was anything like hers...
When she was 12, nearly still a child in the eyes of the empire, almost a smeet on the Irken biological calendar, she was taken in as a mate by a terrible general. I do not want to remember what she told me what happened there; it is too terrible. All I know is that she has many children, but they were taken away to be trained, ripped from her arms right after they were born. She did not care that they were the children of a monster; she had grown attached to them before they were even born.
When she was 17 or so, still very young, she was able to run away from her mate. But only to be caught again. She was as beautiful as a goddess, and her mate did not want to lose her that easily. Upon being captured, he punished her by removing her right antenna. He would have blinded her as well, but her eyes 'are just too pretty'. Right after brutally ripping out her antenna, he... Tore her apart from the inside. He ravaged her terribly, and she had a miscarriage. She hadn't even known she was pregnant.
He had continued to ravage her daily, always ripping her apart, never healing her, but making her give birth anyways. When she wasn't 'warming his bed, she was chained to the wall by her wrists, which were now in terrible condition.
One day, when she was about 25, she had recently given birth only to have her smeet torn from her savagely again. That had been her seventy- eighth child. That had been the last straw.
That night, while he mounted her again, she had placed her arms around his back lovingly, and began to rub his neck gently... Then snapped his neck, killing him instantly. She had run out into the warm desert air, and stolen his Voot Cruiser, headed for the tranquility of deep space.
And there, she had found the remains of a ship, with me inside, safe inside a small container. In her grief of losing another child, she had decided to care for me. And so she did.
Shaking the story of how I was found, I look to see mother bantering pointlessly with Zim.
"...Well, we /would/ be on earth right now, if only it weren't so darn far away! Don't give me that look you! You know that the Tallest wanted you to go as far away as possible, and they sure did a good job of it! Its a six-month trip! You have /no right/ to be so impatient with us! It isn't our fault you idiot!" She says, but she is smiling the whole way.
"I know that! I'm not /that/ stupid! Sheesh. you are so- Aaaah! No Gir! No! Don't touch that! I'm warning you, you little-"
"WHEEHEHEEEHEEHEHEEEE!" A giggling and shrieking SIR unit is in on the screen now. But there is something wrong with him: he has aqua eyes, not red ones. I wonder what is wrong with him. "HIYA!! I BE GIR!" He yells. To the Gods, he certainly is hyperactive. And he certainly has intelligence-issues. Zim pushes him away, and I hear much protesting from Gir. "Hey! Lemme at 'em! Lemme at 'em...or...I'll stick a rat down your pants! One I already ate!" I could see Zim's face turn a tad greener at this, and he looks ill. Mother just cackles evilly at him.
"You told me-" cackle, "that you had a retarded-" more cackling and laughing, "SIR unit, but this is just-" more cackling, "sad!" she howls with laughter, tears running down her cheeks. She looks about ready to explode. Her face is becoming more and more flushed as she continues to laugh at Zim's misfortune. He blushes furiously and hides his face. Mother laughs more at this. I, honestly, don't know how she can find this funny. He obviously doesn't. But I can hear shrill giggling from off screen. That must have been Gir.
I hear a sniffle, and I look over to the corner of the ship, where Bob is curled up miserably. I crawl over to him. I tap him on the shoulder and her turns towards me. The look on his face is heart- wrenching. I almost cry. It looks as if his heart was just broken into a million glittering pieces. And I know, somewhere inside of me, that that's just what happened to him. Without a word, I hug him close, understanding completely. He buries his face in my shoulder. He begins to cry, and I do too.
He has known my mother for a long, long time. They had been very good friends before my mother was taken away. But somehow they were able to communicate, even with my mother under constant watch. It was him that had kept her going. It was him that had comforted in her in her times of utter grief. It was him that had told her how to finally kill her awful mate. He had saved her life from utter destruction. He had been there to call her back to life whenever she would see the shining faces of the Gods. He had been her light in the dark. And he did it because he loved her. He had loved her since he had first met her as a smeet at the training academy. He had vowed to protect her at all costs, to put himself in danger to save her. And he had. But she didn't love him. And to be with her, near her, was beautiful. But it was torture as well. Especially when she was so happy, like now. It made her so much more beautiful. And he wanted her. But he knew she did not want him.
And now we both have this sneaking suspicion that she does want Zim though... And that maybe Zim wants her too...
Yes, I have read 'Stranger in A Strange Land'. Its a wonderful, wonderful book, and it inspired me to write this. Along with the book 'The Music Of Dolphins'. That too is wonderful. That's where I got the whole first-person, present-tense thing from. Now I'm beginning to regret it. Ah well, I like experimenting.
Okay. I have some explaining to do. 'The Music Of Dolphins' was a simple, childish book. Therefore, some parts of this will be rather simple. However, 'Stranger in A Strange Land' was complicated and adult. So, some parts in this fic will be complicated and adult. You readers might be in for a ride.
I know I am.
~Beth
* * * *
Soon the bar is filled up, and a male Irken's face is on a screen. He has red eyes, but they are a different shade than mother's. He looks very relieved.
"Izarith! You're alive! Thank the gods! When my computer detected that explosion, I was sure you all would be goners-" Then he sees her expression. "Why...aren't you happy? /You just narrowly escaped death! You're a hero!/ What's wrong?" He says, looking very concerned.
My mother's face is ashen. She can barely even keep eye contact with the Irken she is talking to. Sobs are rising in her throat as she tries to talk. "Zim. Oh, Zim. Everyone else is with the gods you just thanked. Everyone else is being greeted by them now. /All of them./ They didn't make it." She looks away, her ruby eyes now blood-red with tears. A sob is rising in her throat as she rocks herself unconsciously. "I'm a failure. I have failed. I was their one hope for survival, for sanctuary. And I failed them. I don't deserve being called a hero. I couldn't save them."
"Its not /your/ fault that the empire killed them. You couldn't have known until you were too late anyways. Don't blame yourself." He says consolingly. But mother is no better.
"/But I knew! I sensed that something would happen, but I did nothing!/" She shrieks, tears like liquid rubies falling from her eyes. She buries her face in her hands, sobs shaking her suddenly frail-looking body. Everyone is silent, waiting for her to calm down. She just keeps on sobbing, keeps on wailing like her hearts are being torn up. I cannot stand to look at her like this. She does not look like my mother.
Instead I look over at Bob, who is right across from me. He is shaking and whimpering, but I don't mind; he is always like this. He is just pushing against the corner of the pod like he just wants to go through it and die in space. When mother's wailing continues, he curls up into a tight, shivering, whimpering ball, soon sobbing uncontrollably himself. I look helplessy around. My eyes lock onto Zim's face in the screen.
I stand up and go to the monitor. He just stares at me with wide- eyes, as if he were frightened by me. This makes me feel rather self- conscious, the way he was looking at me so intensely. It is so silent now; I cannot stand it.
"Hello. I'm Zera." I say, trying to be friendly.
"How? What? /Huh?/ Wait... You're a /human./"
I am confused now. "A human?"
"Yes... They are one of the species on Earth. It appears that you are going home then." He states, still looking as shocked as ever.
"But...Irk is my home." I reply. He is shaking his head now.
I am so very confused by all of this. Irk is my home. A home is where you have grown up. It is where you have had all of your most significant experiences. It is where you were raised, where you learned and grew and became who you are. It is where you feel the most comfortable.
And here I am, leaving my home. It is like leaving a piece of me. I feel lighter, emptier, and smaller now. I have left my home. The only place I have ever known. I have lost everything that has ever touched me. That has ever changed me. I feel different; I don't feel like me. Leaving my home is like losing myself. I will never forget my home.
And then here is this male I don't even know, and he is telling me that I am going home. But I am not going home. I am leaving home, and going somewhere else. I find it so strange. They say home is a sanctuary. And I am leaving home; in search of sanctuary. Here we are, leaving a beautiful place that is our home...trying to get away.
After a while, I realize something: Mother is no longer crying. She is just staring at me, looking guilty. Her eyes meet mine. We are not talking. Our eyes seem to speak to each other.
She is saying to me: 'Zera. Zera, I'm so sorry. For everything. I've never told you, never told you we were going to the place you came from.' She looks so sorry right now, I cannot help but accept her apology.
'It is okay. At least now I will see more of my own kind. I can actually say nothing but thank you. Maybe I will be able to find out who I am.'
She smiles weakly at me. There is gratitude in her eyes, and even a pinch of skepticism. I smile sadly at her. There is nothing else I can do.
"Well..." She begins, biting her lip. "We'll be there in about three months now, considering how slowly this pod travels. Maybe less - I don't know."
Zim suddenly coughs loudly, and we all remember he is there suddenly. We look over at him, and his features are alight with impatience. He coughs again, and mother sighs exasperatedly, rolling her eyes playfully.
"Does the great and oh so almighty Zim want our attention now?" She mocks, looking happy and mischievous. He glares happily and sighs also.
"Yes, I do, oh all mighty hero." He mocks back at her. She feigns being offended, and pretends to wipe away a tear. I laugh at this. It seems that mother is finally happy, and that makes me happy. I do, however, find it strange that she is so happy around this arrogant male... This surprises me. I haven't seen her like this lately. Oh well. It still warms my heart to know that maybe she won't be so lonely anymore... To know that maybe, on earth, her hearts will finally have a home.
I know that mother hasn't lead and easy life. She is cold sometimes; definitely not the most friendly Irken you'll meet. She has hearts of stone, or so she says. I would too, if my life was anything like hers...
When she was 12, nearly still a child in the eyes of the empire, almost a smeet on the Irken biological calendar, she was taken in as a mate by a terrible general. I do not want to remember what she told me what happened there; it is too terrible. All I know is that she has many children, but they were taken away to be trained, ripped from her arms right after they were born. She did not care that they were the children of a monster; she had grown attached to them before they were even born.
When she was 17 or so, still very young, she was able to run away from her mate. But only to be caught again. She was as beautiful as a goddess, and her mate did not want to lose her that easily. Upon being captured, he punished her by removing her right antenna. He would have blinded her as well, but her eyes 'are just too pretty'. Right after brutally ripping out her antenna, he... Tore her apart from the inside. He ravaged her terribly, and she had a miscarriage. She hadn't even known she was pregnant.
He had continued to ravage her daily, always ripping her apart, never healing her, but making her give birth anyways. When she wasn't 'warming his bed, she was chained to the wall by her wrists, which were now in terrible condition.
One day, when she was about 25, she had recently given birth only to have her smeet torn from her savagely again. That had been her seventy- eighth child. That had been the last straw.
That night, while he mounted her again, she had placed her arms around his back lovingly, and began to rub his neck gently... Then snapped his neck, killing him instantly. She had run out into the warm desert air, and stolen his Voot Cruiser, headed for the tranquility of deep space.
And there, she had found the remains of a ship, with me inside, safe inside a small container. In her grief of losing another child, she had decided to care for me. And so she did.
Shaking the story of how I was found, I look to see mother bantering pointlessly with Zim.
"...Well, we /would/ be on earth right now, if only it weren't so darn far away! Don't give me that look you! You know that the Tallest wanted you to go as far away as possible, and they sure did a good job of it! Its a six-month trip! You have /no right/ to be so impatient with us! It isn't our fault you idiot!" She says, but she is smiling the whole way.
"I know that! I'm not /that/ stupid! Sheesh. you are so- Aaaah! No Gir! No! Don't touch that! I'm warning you, you little-"
"WHEEHEHEEEHEEHEHEEEE!" A giggling and shrieking SIR unit is in on the screen now. But there is something wrong with him: he has aqua eyes, not red ones. I wonder what is wrong with him. "HIYA!! I BE GIR!" He yells. To the Gods, he certainly is hyperactive. And he certainly has intelligence-issues. Zim pushes him away, and I hear much protesting from Gir. "Hey! Lemme at 'em! Lemme at 'em...or...I'll stick a rat down your pants! One I already ate!" I could see Zim's face turn a tad greener at this, and he looks ill. Mother just cackles evilly at him.
"You told me-" cackle, "that you had a retarded-" more cackling and laughing, "SIR unit, but this is just-" more cackling, "sad!" she howls with laughter, tears running down her cheeks. She looks about ready to explode. Her face is becoming more and more flushed as she continues to laugh at Zim's misfortune. He blushes furiously and hides his face. Mother laughs more at this. I, honestly, don't know how she can find this funny. He obviously doesn't. But I can hear shrill giggling from off screen. That must have been Gir.
I hear a sniffle, and I look over to the corner of the ship, where Bob is curled up miserably. I crawl over to him. I tap him on the shoulder and her turns towards me. The look on his face is heart- wrenching. I almost cry. It looks as if his heart was just broken into a million glittering pieces. And I know, somewhere inside of me, that that's just what happened to him. Without a word, I hug him close, understanding completely. He buries his face in my shoulder. He begins to cry, and I do too.
He has known my mother for a long, long time. They had been very good friends before my mother was taken away. But somehow they were able to communicate, even with my mother under constant watch. It was him that had kept her going. It was him that had comforted in her in her times of utter grief. It was him that had told her how to finally kill her awful mate. He had saved her life from utter destruction. He had been there to call her back to life whenever she would see the shining faces of the Gods. He had been her light in the dark. And he did it because he loved her. He had loved her since he had first met her as a smeet at the training academy. He had vowed to protect her at all costs, to put himself in danger to save her. And he had. But she didn't love him. And to be with her, near her, was beautiful. But it was torture as well. Especially when she was so happy, like now. It made her so much more beautiful. And he wanted her. But he knew she did not want him.
And now we both have this sneaking suspicion that she does want Zim though... And that maybe Zim wants her too...