Don't hit me for not being able to speak Spanish. I'm trying, okay?
I lied:
After a couple days of heart-searching with Schmee, and the usual getting pounced on by bullies and whatever else might have been rabid at the time- Squee mustered up all the guts he had, which admittedly wasn't more than a few ounces, and took that first step into hell. And another, and another.
He had gone to Pepito's house after school, only for Pepito's mother to tell him she thought she saw him go down into the basement with his father. Breathing a little harsher in trepidation, he opened the basement door and was tossed into the hall by the back draft of fire and heavy sulfur smoke.
Choking and sputtering, he gained his feet and descended down the creaking, moaning stairs. They all whispered to him to go back, don't come any further, but he knew by now to ignore voices, since they always wanted him to do bad things.
As time went on, and he jogged past tortured souls, shadows began to trail him. Sometimes coming closer when he was shocked into stillness at a particularly gruesome scene, and other times fading back when he gave a high-pitched squeal, the dark beings always stayed near him. They multiplied the farther he got down into the sublevels of hell, and soon there was a great crowd behind the little boy. "Soon, soon," they cackled and whistled to one another.
And then- it was their chance! Todd had stopped in front of two huge doors marked 'Employees Only' and was trying to figure out what to do next, when the demons rushed him. All at once, and with a terrific cry, they fell and flowed on top of him, scratching and tearing and screaming with rage and bloodlust.
In the midst of all this, Todd was so scared and panicked he couldn't cry or even squeak. He knew he was going to die in seconds, this really had been the worst idea he had ever had, even worse than the time he'd tried to wash his own clothes and had fallen into the washer instead. Sometimes, when it was real quiet, he could still hear the water sloshing around in his lungs.
But even as the terrors continued to consume Todd, Schmee kept a cool head and kept repeating to Todd what he should say to save himself. Todd finally heard Schmee's voice, and stuttered the magic words.
"!Pepito ama a me! !Me quiere! Uh, uh, what Schmee!? ?El anticristo me enamora?" and just as he had spoken the words, the mob stopped, some gaping at him, others looking fearfully over their shoulders. Most of them dissipated into thin air right then, but others measured him with chilling stares.
One monster stepped forward, and it's long tongue curled out as it spoke in a stone-deep voice, "?El realidad gusta a tu, este es verdad?"
Schmee told Todd to nod, and say, "Si, todo es verdad!"
The demons looked to one and another, shaking their heads sadly, and all departed to find their fun elsewhere.
Todd took a moment to soak this all in, before screaming and running for another entrance door he had spotted.
~~~
It had taken at least another hour of strenuous hiking, but Todd finally made it to the main office of hell. The secretary seated there looked up at him and one eyebrow rose. "You're not supposed to be here yet. You've got at least a few more weeks. Who brought you?" she typed away at her keyboard and peered into hell's databanks.
Todd gulped at her, and quietly told her that he had been invited by the Anti-Christ to join his armies of darkness.
After laughing heartily for a few moments, the secretary made a face at him and told him that there were thousands of people coming there every day making that same claim. Did he really think she'd take him seriously? She waved him off, telling him to scram, since she had much more important arrivals due in seconds.
But Todd, as easily squeezable as he was, wasn't about to give up after being attacked by a herd of demons and getting blisters on his feet from the rough trek down into the pits of despair and hopelessness. "No, seriously Lady, Pepito told me to come here. I want to speak with him, his mom said he'd be down here."
She scrunched her eyes and gritted her teeth and rose from her chair to tower over him, "I have about this much patience left, little boy, and you're walking all over-" her tirade was cut off by a hand appearing in front of her face. It would probably help to know that the hand was connected to one Senior Diablo.
"Excuse me, Miss March, I'll be taking this little nuisance from you. Please go back to work, and thank you for doing such a nice job." Cool and genteel as always, Mr. Satan took Todd's hand, the one not currently squeezing Schmee in a death grip, and led him back toward the cubicles.
From there they went to the elevator, and Satan took Todd down to even further levels, until they got to the 666th floor, where Satan's office was located. Both comfortably seated, Satan got down to business.
"I see you finally accepted my son's proposal."
"Yes sir."
"This is your final decision?"
"Um, I think so."
Satan waited a few minutes for Todd to conference with Schmee.
"Yes, I'm sure."
"Good, good." Satan stood behind Todd and laid a comforting hand on the boy's tense shoulder. "Pepito will be pleased, and I can see you're going to be a fine worker. There is only one problem."
Todd peered up at the horned figure, "What?"
"You can never break any of the rules." And a thin pamphlet materialized and fell into Todd's lap.
"Are these all the rules?" Todd began to flip through the few pages.
"Yes, but they are all very important. So important, in fact, that if you disobey even one, just once, your soul will be stripped away and destroyed."
"Like, going to hell, destroyed?" Todd really couldn't see the punishment, since technically he was already here.
"No, as in, you will cease to exist. Poof, no more."
"No more?"
"Never existed, never will. No one will know or remember you. Any of your possessions in life will be gone as well, including your parents."
Todd gasped, "Why my parents?"
"Because they had you. Because they got old and useless because of you. If you were to suddenly disappear, and your parents didn't, how would they explain why they are so decrepit, so lifeless and full of anger and pain? They wouldn't be able to well enough, so they go too."
Todd gulped hard, he couldn't imagine messing up so badly that his parent's were thrown into oblivion too, "Um, and these are all the rules?"
"Yep!" Satan smiled brightly at him. "That's all of them. Do you have any questions?"
"Uh. Not yet."
"Well then, I guess you'll be wanting to go see Pepito- he's in his room. It's about time you joined. He's been such a pain in the neck lately, always moping around and talking back. If you're not the cure, then we'll have to keep dosing him with holy water and cod-liver oil. Don't forget to wear your pin now- it'll keep the little-boy-eating-monsters at bay for the first couple days you're here. After that, you're on your own." And in a puff of smoke, Todd was suddenly standing in the hallway, where the door to the basement was.
"You mean this whole time, I could've just asked Satan to transport me?" Todd pouted and trudged for the second-floor stairs. Schmee, swinging at his side, only grinned in that freaky teddy-bear way of his.
Update:
I am dumb. I didn't even put the translations at the end, did I? Sorry, here they are now, in case you're wondering. (And keep in mind these are loose translations.)
!Pepito ama a me! - Pepito loves me!
!Me quiere! - (He) wants me!
?El anticristo me enamora? - The Antichrist is enamored with me?
?El realidad gusta a tu, este es verdad? - The royalty finds you pleasing, this is true?
Si, todo es verdad! - Yes! Everything is true!
Man, I'm sloppy. Okay, back to work, all of you!
I lied:
After a couple days of heart-searching with Schmee, and the usual getting pounced on by bullies and whatever else might have been rabid at the time- Squee mustered up all the guts he had, which admittedly wasn't more than a few ounces, and took that first step into hell. And another, and another.
He had gone to Pepito's house after school, only for Pepito's mother to tell him she thought she saw him go down into the basement with his father. Breathing a little harsher in trepidation, he opened the basement door and was tossed into the hall by the back draft of fire and heavy sulfur smoke.
Choking and sputtering, he gained his feet and descended down the creaking, moaning stairs. They all whispered to him to go back, don't come any further, but he knew by now to ignore voices, since they always wanted him to do bad things.
As time went on, and he jogged past tortured souls, shadows began to trail him. Sometimes coming closer when he was shocked into stillness at a particularly gruesome scene, and other times fading back when he gave a high-pitched squeal, the dark beings always stayed near him. They multiplied the farther he got down into the sublevels of hell, and soon there was a great crowd behind the little boy. "Soon, soon," they cackled and whistled to one another.
And then- it was their chance! Todd had stopped in front of two huge doors marked 'Employees Only' and was trying to figure out what to do next, when the demons rushed him. All at once, and with a terrific cry, they fell and flowed on top of him, scratching and tearing and screaming with rage and bloodlust.
In the midst of all this, Todd was so scared and panicked he couldn't cry or even squeak. He knew he was going to die in seconds, this really had been the worst idea he had ever had, even worse than the time he'd tried to wash his own clothes and had fallen into the washer instead. Sometimes, when it was real quiet, he could still hear the water sloshing around in his lungs.
But even as the terrors continued to consume Todd, Schmee kept a cool head and kept repeating to Todd what he should say to save himself. Todd finally heard Schmee's voice, and stuttered the magic words.
"!Pepito ama a me! !Me quiere! Uh, uh, what Schmee!? ?El anticristo me enamora?" and just as he had spoken the words, the mob stopped, some gaping at him, others looking fearfully over their shoulders. Most of them dissipated into thin air right then, but others measured him with chilling stares.
One monster stepped forward, and it's long tongue curled out as it spoke in a stone-deep voice, "?El realidad gusta a tu, este es verdad?"
Schmee told Todd to nod, and say, "Si, todo es verdad!"
The demons looked to one and another, shaking their heads sadly, and all departed to find their fun elsewhere.
Todd took a moment to soak this all in, before screaming and running for another entrance door he had spotted.
~~~
It had taken at least another hour of strenuous hiking, but Todd finally made it to the main office of hell. The secretary seated there looked up at him and one eyebrow rose. "You're not supposed to be here yet. You've got at least a few more weeks. Who brought you?" she typed away at her keyboard and peered into hell's databanks.
Todd gulped at her, and quietly told her that he had been invited by the Anti-Christ to join his armies of darkness.
After laughing heartily for a few moments, the secretary made a face at him and told him that there were thousands of people coming there every day making that same claim. Did he really think she'd take him seriously? She waved him off, telling him to scram, since she had much more important arrivals due in seconds.
But Todd, as easily squeezable as he was, wasn't about to give up after being attacked by a herd of demons and getting blisters on his feet from the rough trek down into the pits of despair and hopelessness. "No, seriously Lady, Pepito told me to come here. I want to speak with him, his mom said he'd be down here."
She scrunched her eyes and gritted her teeth and rose from her chair to tower over him, "I have about this much patience left, little boy, and you're walking all over-" her tirade was cut off by a hand appearing in front of her face. It would probably help to know that the hand was connected to one Senior Diablo.
"Excuse me, Miss March, I'll be taking this little nuisance from you. Please go back to work, and thank you for doing such a nice job." Cool and genteel as always, Mr. Satan took Todd's hand, the one not currently squeezing Schmee in a death grip, and led him back toward the cubicles.
From there they went to the elevator, and Satan took Todd down to even further levels, until they got to the 666th floor, where Satan's office was located. Both comfortably seated, Satan got down to business.
"I see you finally accepted my son's proposal."
"Yes sir."
"This is your final decision?"
"Um, I think so."
Satan waited a few minutes for Todd to conference with Schmee.
"Yes, I'm sure."
"Good, good." Satan stood behind Todd and laid a comforting hand on the boy's tense shoulder. "Pepito will be pleased, and I can see you're going to be a fine worker. There is only one problem."
Todd peered up at the horned figure, "What?"
"You can never break any of the rules." And a thin pamphlet materialized and fell into Todd's lap.
"Are these all the rules?" Todd began to flip through the few pages.
"Yes, but they are all very important. So important, in fact, that if you disobey even one, just once, your soul will be stripped away and destroyed."
"Like, going to hell, destroyed?" Todd really couldn't see the punishment, since technically he was already here.
"No, as in, you will cease to exist. Poof, no more."
"No more?"
"Never existed, never will. No one will know or remember you. Any of your possessions in life will be gone as well, including your parents."
Todd gasped, "Why my parents?"
"Because they had you. Because they got old and useless because of you. If you were to suddenly disappear, and your parents didn't, how would they explain why they are so decrepit, so lifeless and full of anger and pain? They wouldn't be able to well enough, so they go too."
Todd gulped hard, he couldn't imagine messing up so badly that his parent's were thrown into oblivion too, "Um, and these are all the rules?"
"Yep!" Satan smiled brightly at him. "That's all of them. Do you have any questions?"
"Uh. Not yet."
"Well then, I guess you'll be wanting to go see Pepito- he's in his room. It's about time you joined. He's been such a pain in the neck lately, always moping around and talking back. If you're not the cure, then we'll have to keep dosing him with holy water and cod-liver oil. Don't forget to wear your pin now- it'll keep the little-boy-eating-monsters at bay for the first couple days you're here. After that, you're on your own." And in a puff of smoke, Todd was suddenly standing in the hallway, where the door to the basement was.
"You mean this whole time, I could've just asked Satan to transport me?" Todd pouted and trudged for the second-floor stairs. Schmee, swinging at his side, only grinned in that freaky teddy-bear way of his.
Update:
I am dumb. I didn't even put the translations at the end, did I? Sorry, here they are now, in case you're wondering. (And keep in mind these are loose translations.)
!Pepito ama a me! - Pepito loves me!
!Me quiere! - (He) wants me!
?El anticristo me enamora? - The Antichrist is enamored with me?
?El realidad gusta a tu, este es verdad? - The royalty finds you pleasing, this is true?
Si, todo es verdad! - Yes! Everything is true!
Man, I'm sloppy. Okay, back to work, all of you!