AUTHORS NOTE:
The stuff from part 1 still applies to this part too. This is my first try at fanfiction ever, so I'm a little worried about OOCness. Of course, this is a reincarnation fic, and because they have lived different lives this time around, they won't be exactly the same. For those who for some reason haven't read the first five parts (why you'd do that, I don't know), or don't remember, Nuriko and Tasuki are brothers in this story, twins.
Sorry about the big delay between part five and this one... I've been busy...and just a little stuck in the middle of this part. This is a kinda long one, because I wanted to put the two scenes corresponding to the title of this part in, and I needed the explanation in there too...that took a lot.
The title is still very much subject to change...and still has no basis in the story, though it will eventually (I think I'm trying for the part after next at the moment). And, I love feedback! I crave feedback. I don't necessarily need it to write...but I have found that, like anime, it is addictive. That, and it makes me feel like people are actually reading my story!! So...feedback GOOOOOOOOOD! Especially feedback about how I'm doing the characters...
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DISCLAIMER:
Nuriko/Ryuuen, Tasuki/Genrou/Shun'u, Kouji, Hotohori/Sai Hitei, and Chichiri/Houjun don't belong to me. Neither does the stranger who everyone should recognize (considering Nuriko identified him)... Fushigi Yuugi doesn't belong to me. Eventually, once everyone else shows up, they won't belong to me either. I'm just borrowing them and playing with them (and giving Nuriko what he wants…Hotohori!) Suing me would do no good, because after leaving school and having to start paying back my loans in less than a year I have pretty much no money to spare. (Well, except for that which I am saving to use when going to Anime Central in May...but you can't have that!)
Himitsu and Devin on the other hand are mine, ALL MINE!!!!! I haven't let anyone take them yet...and I'm not about to either. All others so far are just random characters, and if you take them I won't be too angry, but if you can't come up with your own random characters that's pretty sad...
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Chapter 6: not there
Genrou spent a lot of time away from the house during the next two weeks. I knew he wasn't doing what he usually did, because Kouji kept asking me if I knew where he was. That next day after my date I saw him leave school with Himitsu-sensei and Devin. Another day I saw him with the blue haired guy, at the mall I think.
I wasn't really worried about Genrou's absence. Besides that one day, he hadn't missed any school, and he wasn't getting into trouble, so I didn't really care that he was never home. Actually, it made me more comfortable not having to see him.
I'd had more weird dreams besides the one of him and me, one every night since then. They were confusing, like bits and pieces of a movie taken at random and out of order. They seemed very real, more like memories than dreams. And they starred mostly people I knew in real life, or had at least seen.
I was Nuriko in the dreams. Genrou was Tasuki, and Sai was Hotohori, the one I'd been crying over during the first one. The blue haired guy was in them too, as Chichiri. So was the guy I'd run into the night I bought Sai's hair tie. He was Taka, though sometimes he had teal hair and was called Tamahome. I wasn't quite sure why.
I never saw enough in the dreams to figure out what was going on. All I really knew was that Hotohori was an emperor (I was very much in love with him), Tasuki was a bandit (I fell in love with him eventually), Chichiri was a monk (I wasn't in love with him), Tamahome (not sure about Taka) was obsessed with money, and we, along with some others that I hadn't seen in real life, were somehow tied to someone named Suzaku. (I couldn't quite tell if this Suzaku was a person or a bird too.) I knew everything during the dreams, but when I woke up it was all gone, except for a few bits and pieces.
The dreams bothered me. It wasn't just that Tasuki/Genou and I were sleeping together during several of them. (Even if it didn't happen during any dreams but the first, I knew it was the case during some of them.) It wasn't that Hotohori/Sai didn't love me, or even notice me that way either. It was that they seemed so real.
The one that bothered me the most didn't even have anyone else I knew there. It happened on a snowy mountain. I was there for some important reason, though I couldn't remember that reason when I woke up. It was cold, and I was trying to move a huge boulder when a creature attacked me.
His name was Ashitare, and I remember he was an enemy of ours. We fought up there on the mountain, and I ended up hurt really badly. I might have been okay if I hadn't moved the boulder after the fight, or I might have been doomed anyway. I'm not sure. It didn't matter in the end, since I had to move that boulder and I was the only one who could do it.
That boulder should have been too heavy for any person to move. I don't know how I was able to do it, but in the dream I knew I could, and I knew I was the only one who could. The dream ended right after that, but I knew what happened next. I didn't actually experience it, but I'd dreamed of my own death.
-
Two weeks after the first dream, I was dreaming for the second time about sleeping with Tasuki/Genrou. This time we were in his room in the palace. We weren't actually doing anything yet, just a little foreplay. I moaned his name, and then moments later I felt a hand shaking me roughly. Someone was growling my name in the real world.
"Oi Ryuuen, wake the fuck up!" Genrou was growling as I woke up. He glared at me as I blinked sleepily and yawned.
"You woke me up," I said fuzzily. I was never at my best right after being woken up. At the moment, even that dream seemed better than being awake, so I tried to pull the sheets back over my head and go back to sleep. To my surprise, he couldn't keep his grip on the sheets, and I ended up yanking too hard.
"Dammit Ryuuen, what the hell were ya dreamin' about?" he yelled once he realized I was trying to go back to sleep.
"Nothing important," I muttered, trying to ignore him.
"It didn't sound like 'nothing important,'" he said. "Ya know, I don't mind ya havin' some hot dreams about guys. What I do mind is ya havin' those dreams about me." That caused me to sit up straight and stare at him. I felt my cheeks growing warm. I realized I must have been talking in my sleep.
"I was not dreaming about you," I said, though my blush probably wasn't doing much to convince him of that.
"Look, Nuriko," he said, and I stiffened when he used that name. I don't think he meant to use it, or even realized it when he did. "I think we both know damn well that ya were dreamin' about me, so don't lie to me."
I wasn't sure if I wanted to cry, to shout at him, or to run away. I didn't want to be this Nuriko person and have slept with Tasuki, who seemed to be the same as Genrou. I didn't want to face it either. But, at the same time, I was pissed off at Genrou for reminding me. I wanted to run away too, because I didn't want to face him. I ended up choosing both the first the second choices. I cried and shouted.
"I am not Nuriko!" I shouted at him as the tears started. "I have never cried in your arms, or kissed you. You're my brother, not my lover!" He stared at me for a few moments. It seemed like he knew what I was saying, that he understood. Then he reached out, to comfort me I think.
"So, yer startin' to remember, are ya?" he asked.
At that moment I didn't want Genrou touching me. I wanted him to yell at me, to say what I just said was as disturbing to him as I thought it was. I didn't want him to act like it was expected. I didn't want him to understand and try to comfort me. So, I ran.
Genrou grabbed my arm as I tried to get by him and out of the room. His grip on my arm was tight, so I pulled away, to get him off balance, and then shoved him away from me. He went flying forward, much farther than he should have. I recognized that kind of strength I'd put into that shove. It was the strength that I had in the dreams, Nuriko's strength.
I ran out of the room, then out of the house. I was still in my pajamas (flannel pants and an old t-shirt that I was borrowing from Genrou because I forgot to do my laundry and didn't have any clean pajamas at the moment), but I didn't notice the chill, even though it was late October by then and starting to get chilly at night. I was too busy running to notice, until I crashed into a tree and fell to the ground with a thud.
It was then that I started to shiver. It was also then that I realized I had reached the park. It was the middle of the night, so there was no one around, but once I realized where I was, I suddenly was extremely conscious of what I was wearing. I felt like there were people staring at me from the shadows, and I wanted to be somewhere less public.
Without thinking, I searched the pockets of the pants I was borrowing for change so I could call Sai. I didn't even think about the fact that I was wearing something that would not hide my gender very well. I just wanted to be away from there, and I was pretty sure that he would come get me, so I wouldn't have to go back home, where Genrou was. That was all that was on my mind as I dug out the coins I found in the pocket, deposited them into a nearby payphone, and dialed Sai's number.
"Hello?" was the answer on the other end. It was Mary, Sai's family's live-in housekeeper. She didn't sound like I'd woken her up, but I probably had. I'd met her a few times, and I was pretty sure she would recognize my voice.
"Is Sai there?" I asked.
"Kourin, is that you?" she asked me. That was enough to shock me into realizing what I was getting myself into by calling Sai. Unfortunately, I couldn't just hang up, not after asking for Sai and having her recognize me. My stomach tried to sink to my feet as I answered her.
"Yes, it's me," I said. "Is he there?"
"I'm afraid he never came home last night," she said, and I managed to feel both relieved and disappointed at the same time. I wouldn't have to worry about him finding out, since he wasn't home. But at the same time, I wanted him to get me out of there...and he couldn't do that if he wasn't home.
"I will tell him that you called when he returns though," she continued.
"No...that's fine," I told her. "I'll be okay, and I guess I can talk to him tonight. Thanks anyway, bye."
I gave her a chance to say goodbye before I hung up the phone, but then I slumped to the ground. My relief at not having Sai find out just wasn't enough to overcome the exposed feeling I was having, or the discomfort from what had happened at home. I wanted Sai with me. I wanted someone to tell me that what I had been dreaming wasn't real, and I thought that Sai would be that someone. But he wasn't there, and I was going to have to head back home soon if I wanted to get out of public.
I sat there for a few moments though, not quite crying, but close. I was partially trying to work up courage to go back and face Genrou again, though it wasn't coming easily. I had actually just gotten enough courage worked up when a shadow fell over me. The sinking feeling in my stomach told me without looking that it was Genrou.
"What the hell are ya doin' out here?" he asked me angrily when I turned to face him. "Are ya tryin' to freeze that girly ass of yours off or something?"
"I..." I said. He sighed, and then offered me a hand up.
"Come on," he said. "Why don't we go inside? Then we can explain some stuff to ya, since ya obviously haven't remembered it all yet."
I hesitated. I still didn't feel comfortable, or even right, in accepting my dreams. He wasn't supposed to be nice and understanding about it. He wasn't supposed to explain. He was supposed to blow up, just like he did whenever someone at school said he was gay. He was supposed to be angry.
He growled in frustration when he saw me hesitate. Then he reached forward, grabbed my arm, and hauled me to my feet. I didn't resist, or he probably wouldn't have been able to do it. Then he gripped my shoulders and glared at me. He looked angry, but not for the reason that he should have been angry about.
"Listen," he said tensely. "What we did back then was not wrong. We weren't brothers then, and there's nothin' wrong with two guys lovin' each other." He paused after that, as if he hadn't quite convinced himself of that, but then he continued. "Yer not bad because of it, so stop beatin' yourself up over it. It's all in the past, and as long as ya don't try to bring it back now there's nothin' wrong with it."
"I don't want to talk about it right now," I said. "I just want to be alone, to think."
"Like hell I'm gonna leave ya alone right now!" he shouted. "I'm not gonna stand around while ya freeze to death. It's too much like last time, and dammit Nuriko, no way in hell am I gonna lose ya again like that!"
I stared at him, my eyes wide. I knew what he was referring to, since I had dreamed it. I had died in the snow, even though it wasn't the snow that killed me. There wasn't snow on the ground in the park, but there was that hint in the air that told me that it would come soon. It felt like snow, and that terrified me, because I didn't want to remember that dream.
I yanked my arm out of Genrou's grip then. I didn't want to think about that time on the mountain, in the snow. I was fairly sure I wouldn't die from being out there that night, since it wasn't quite that cold, but I didn't want to be around Genrou either. And most of all, I didn't want to talk about the dream I'd been having when he woke me up, even if he didn't seem to mind.
Genrou went sprawling, since I pulled with more strength than I expected again. He fell to the ground, which gave me the time I needed to get away from him. I ran, and managed to make it back to the house long before Genrou could. Once there, I rushed into the study and locked the door behind me.
There was no couch in the study, or anywhere comfortable to sleep, but I didn't really care at that point. I didn't want to have to face Genrou again, and I wasn't going to lock him out of our room just so I could avoid him. So, I'd be sleeping on the study floor, and hopefully I'd be able to get some clothing in the morning without him confronting me.
Genrou figured out where I was almost immediately after rushing back into the house. It wasn't that hard to guess where I was, since there weren't very many rooms for him to check, and the study was the only locked one. He pounded on the door, somehow managing not to wake Mom up when he did it, yelling for me to stop being an idiot and talk to him.
"No!" I shouted back, and that was all I said to him after that, even though he kept trying to get me to come out for another ten minutes. He finally gave up when he realized that I wasn't going to answer him, no matter how much he tried to get me to talk. But, after he went back to our room and got something (a pillow and blanket was my guess), he came back and settled down on the other side of the study door. I wasn't getting out of that room without him knowing it.
-
I didn't sleep anymore that night, even though I tried. I laid down on the floor not too long after Genrou started his vigil outside the door, trying to get at least a little rest so I wouldn't be half dead at school the next day. But, as soon as I closed my eyes I realized I was terrified of having another dream like the one Genrou had caught me in the middle of. Or, even worse, another dream of my death. I hoped that wouldn't happen, but just the possibility made it impossible for me to fall asleep again, and I lay there on the study floor, shivering, the rest of the night.
I tried to wait until Genrou started getting ready for school to emerge from the study. I figured I could avoid him if I stayed in there until he was getting dressed, after his shower. Unfortunately, he still hadn't gone to shower at 6:30, and by then it was starting to get late enough that I wouldn't have time to shower and get dressed before I had to leave if I didn't hurry up.
I hated the thought of going to school dirty. I almost hated the idea more than the idea of talking to Genrou. Since I thought I could make it out of study and to the bathroom without getting caught by Genrou if I moved fast enough, I decided to risk it.
I flung the door open with most of the unnatural strength that I had shown the night before, catching Genrou off guard. He was right in front of the door, so I ended up pushing him halfway down the hall, which gave me an opening to run for the bathroom. Mom gave me an odd look as I dashed past her and into the bathroom, locking the door behind me, but I ignored it, happy that I had managed to avoid Genrou for a while.
The trickiest part of avoiding him that morning was after I finished my shower. I needed to get into our room for clothing, since I couldn't go to school in my borrowed pajamas, and doing that would have defeated the purpose of taking a shower anyway, since they were dirty. Luckily, he was downstairs eating breakfast when I left the bathroom. That gave me the opportunity to rush into our room and dress hurriedly.
I skipped breakfast, since Genrou was down there when I finished getting dressed as well. He looked like he was waiting for me, as I saw when I ran through the kitchen to the door. Mom yelled at me to sit down and have some breakfast, but I continued, ignoring her. Genrou tried to grab me as I ran by, but I tore away from him, making him curse under his breath as I rushed past.
I ran ahead of Genrou to school, somehow managing not to trip on my skirt even though I came close a couple times. I managed to avoid him once at school by hiding with my friends. I tried to keep the dreams out of my mind, but every time I let my mind wander a little they came back. I got several comments from my friends on that, since I was more or less distracted the whole time.
I don't remember much of that morning. I was too busy being worried about the dreams, and Genrou finding me to make me talk about them, to pa y attention in class. I just drifted through school that morning, not learning anything in class, until lunchtime. I went out for lunch, hoping that Genrou wouldn't be able to find me if I left campus to go eat somewhere else.
I didn't go off campus for lunch very often. There weren't very many places within walking distance of the school, and I didn't have a car to drive anywhere. It was just easier to take a lunch with me, or occasionally buy from the cafeteria, and that way I got to spend time during lunch with my friends who weren't allowed to go off campus yet.
I went to McDonald's that day, since I knew that Genrou hated the place. I didn't like it all that much either, but that made it a better place to hide from Genrou, since he wouldn't expect me to go there. I ordered something that looked a little less soaked in grease than everything else they served and then sat down, too wound up to relax.
Unfortunately, I was so worked up over the dreams, and hoping that Genrou wouldn't figure out where I was, that I didn't notice the people around me in the restaurant. I wasn't watching for Genrou, because I knew that by the time he got in the building I wouldn't be able to get away from him in time, so I wasn't paying attention to anything but my food. That was how the blue haired guy that I had seen more than once with Genrou managed to get to be sitting on the other side of the table from me, looking serious, but not threatening.
"Nuriko, we need to talk," he said to me, and I got ready to run. He put his hand on my arm gently, obviously not to actually restrain me since he wasn't putting pressure on me. "Please don't run away. Tasuki is very worried about you. I told him I'd try to explain things, since you seemed very uncomfortable around him."
"I don't even know you," I said, standing up. "So why should I talk to you? And I already told you; my name isn't Nuriko. It's Ryuuen."
"Fine then, Ryuuen," he said. "Please, just hear me out. Your brother truly is worried about you. He knows you've been having the dreams, remembering things, and he wants to make sure that you get things explained to you before you have more. He doesn't want things to go for you the same way they did for him."
I sat back down. I think I stayed because he sounded so serious and concerned. He was soft spoken, and seemed so completely different from the always smiling Chichiri of my dreams, who he looked so much like.
When I started thinking about that, an image flashed into my mind. It was Chichiri, but he wasn't smiling. I realized then that the smiling face that Chichiri had in all of my dreams was a mask. I knew that in the dreams, though I had forgotten when I woke up. Behind the mask was the real Chichiri, who looked much more like the person sitting across the table from me, except that he was missing an eye.
"Fine, I'll listen to what it is you have to say," I said. "But would you at least introduce yourself first? I don't even know your name, and I'm not going to call you Chichiri." He laughed softly.
"Houjun," he said. "My name is Houjun. Though, if you forget and call me Chichiri I won't mind."
"Even if you don't mind, I will," I said. I glanced at my watch, a present from Sai after a month of going out, then. It was getting close to the end of my lunch period, and I needed to get back to school. "I have to get back to school. I only have one period for lunch, and it ends in fifteen minutes."
"Would you be willing to talk after you get done with school?" he asked me.
"As long as Genrou isn't there, sure," I said. "I don't want to talk to him about it yet. I need more time to think."
"I'll make sure he isn't there," he said. "And I'll meet you in the parking lot of your school this afternoon."
"Okay," I said. "I'll see you."
"It was nice to finally meet you properly this time," he said, standing up. That confused me, but nowhere near as much as some of the other things that had been happening to me recently. I dealt with my garbage, taking the fries that I hadn't finished yet with me, and headed back to school.
I remembered about as much of school that afternoon as I did that morning, though for different reasons. That morning I had been preoccupied by the dreams, and the thought of Genrou catching me in the hallway to talk about the specific dream he had caught me during. That afternoon I spent distracted by thoughts and images going through my head, almost like memories, though I had never seen them before in my life.
I saw Hotohori and myself pretending to be women while prisoners of a bunch of bandits, though that wasn't much different than my usual self. I saw myself throwing a man into a wall and then complaining about it breaking. I saw Hotohori carrying Miaka (a Japanese girl that I knew then that he loved more than anyone else) out of the water, the kanji 'hoshi' glowing red on his neck. I saw myself rescuing Miaka and Tamahome from a collapsed building, and then revealing my own red kanji 'yanagi,' which was glowing on the left side of my chest.
The whole time I was learning new things about the things I had seen in my dreams. The images were still out of order, skipping about at random, but they filled in some pieces of information that I hadn't known before. I still was completely confused about most of it, especially why I was seeing these things, but it was better than it was before, even if it did keep me from learning anything in school that day.
-
After school I found Houjun waiting for me in the parking lot. Genrou tried to join us when he saw me heading that way, but Houjun shook his head, looking a little sad. That caused Genrou to mutter something to himself, but he walked away and left us alone, which made me happy. I then went with Houjun, who drove me to a coffee house downtown.
I had a hot chocolate while we talked. It was cold outside again, with the same hint of snow in the air that said that the ground was going to be very white soon. I've always hated snow, though I could never quite explain why. That dream of my death actually gave me an idea as to why I hated snow, which is one of the few things I liked about the dreams in general.
"First, I think I should tell you that I will probably cover some things that you've already remembered," he said. "It's inevitable, since I don't know what you have and haven't remembered yet. Also, please don't interrupt during my story. I may end up answering any questions you have during the story, and if I don't you can ask them later."
"Okay," I said, taking a sip of my hot chocolate.
He then told me a strange story about a world in a book that was run by an ugly old woman and four animal gods. Each of the four gods had seven warriors, shichiseishi, who served them and their chosen mikos. Apparently he, Genrou, and I were all shichiseishi for the god Suzaku, who protected the Konan empire, in previous lives. Hotohori, the one from my dreams who seemed to be the same as Sai, was the emperor of Konan and another Suzaku shichiseishi.
He told me the story of how we shichiseishi had been brought together by the arrival of Yuuki Miaka, the same girl I had seen in images earlier that day. She was Suzaku no Miko, and it was her duty to gather the Suzaku shichiseishi and then summon the god himself. Unfortunately, at the same time Seiryuu, the patron god of neighboring Kutou, was having his shichiseishi and miko assembled to summon him, and they tried to ruin our attempts the whole time.
He told me about how Miaka had fallen in love with Tamahome, yet another of the shichiseishi. Their love had been forbidden, since the miko was supposed to be pure for the god, but despite that they had persevered. In the end Miaka had been able to summon Suzaku, though it cost us the lives of all the shichiseishi except for Tasuki and Chichiri. Tamahome had been reborn outside of the book as a guy named Sukanami Taka, and he and Miaka had lived happily ever after.
The story was one that belonged in a fantasy book, not one that I should believe. It just didn't sound real. But, I couldn't help but believe it. It sounded right, and it fit with everything that I had dreamed, and seen that afternoon. And not just that, but I felt that it was true, even though it sounded like a fairy tale.
Then, after he was done telling me the base story, he told me about myself. He told me about how I had entered Hotohori's harem, pretending to be a woman so I could be considered for his bride. I had been in love with him, though he had loved Miaka and never returned the feelings, especially after everyone found out that I was male. It had broken my heart.
Then the scene that I had remembered in my first dream had happened. I had, little by little, fallen in love with Tasuki, who was in no way related to me in that life. He and I had been fairly happy together, except that our love had been very short lived. I died, killed by Seiryuu shichiseishi Ashitare on a mountain, trying to open up a cave for Miaka, not too long after we got together.
I think that was what made me believe in the end. I don't know why, but it just sounded far too right to me. As he told me the story, I remembered each part just before he told it. I remembered when Miaka told Hotohori and Tamahome my secret. I remembered Tasuki's reaction to my cutting my hair the night before I died. And most of all, I remembered as a spirit going back to Konan and seeing the wife Hotohori had chosen, how she looked exactly like me.
I thanked Houjun for telling me it all after I was done asking questions. By that time it was getting close to 6 o'clock, and I needed to get home and get ready for my date with Sai that night. By then I was sure that Sai really was Hotohori, just like Genrou was Tasuki, but I wasn't going to let that affect my date with Sai. I was trying not to think about it, because I was afraid Sai would act more like Hotohori had when he found out I was male. I didn't like that thought, so I put it out of mind.
"So will you talk to Tasuki now?" Houjun asked me before I left for home. "Just enough to tell him that you don't hate him would be nice."
"I will," I said. "Maybe not right away, but I will."
We then parted. He offered to give me a ride home, but I declined. I wanted to walk home, because I wanted to be alone to think about it all. I knew that it was real, but that didn't mean I was comfortable with it all, and I wanted to be sure how I felt about it before I had to face Genrou. I knew he would want to talk, and I wasn't sure if I wanted to try and avoid it.
Luckily, I didn't have to worry about it when I got home. I was supposed to meet Sai at the restaurant that night, at 7:30. It was 6:30 when I got home, and in order to have time to walk to the restaurant slowly enough to not mess up my outfit, I needed to be out of the house by 7:05. That left me with only thirty-five minutes to get ready, and I needed each and every one of them. Because of that, I didn't feel bad when I told Genrou that I didn't have time to sit down and have a serious talk, and I think he understood.
Of course, just because I think he understood doesn't mean he was happy about it. He swore when I ran in the house and into our room to start throwing clothing around, looking for the outfit I wanted to wear. Usually I was more prepared for dates than I was that day, and most of the time I didn't have to go rooting around through drawers and closet just to find the clothes I wanted that night. That morning I hadn't had time to plan for my date that night though, so I was in a hurry.
I ended up making it out the door on time, barely. That gave me the time I needed to just walk to the restaurant, instead of running and being out of breath, and very likely messed up, when I got there. Unfortunately, it started to snow before I was even halfway to the end of the block, which made me hurry up. I did not want to be in the snow that day, and I started to wish that I had agreed to let Sai pick me up at my house that night.
My watch told me that it was 7:25 when I got to the restaurant, shivering from the cold and brushing snow off myself. I didn't see Sai's car in the parking lot, but that didn't seem odd. He had once been a minute early for one of our dates, but every other time he had been there exactly on time, not early, not late. I waited for him inside, after telling the hostess that my date would be joining me soon and that the reservations were in his name.
But when it got to be 7:45 and he still wasn't there I was beyond worried. I'd gotten worried at 7:30. Fifteen minutes later I was starting to wonder if he had found out that I was male. I was sure he would have called me if something had happened that made him unable to make it otherwise, but I wasn't sure what he would do if he found out that I had been letting him believe a lie. It didn't help that Hotohori's reaction to finding out I was male came to mind when I started worrying about Sai finding out.
I used the pay phone sitting in the lobby of the restaurant to call Sai's house. I wanted to make sure he was all right, since I'd realized that he could be missing because he had gotten hurt, or sick, and was unable to call me. I hated that idea almost as much as the one that he had figured out what I was keeping from him, and I wanted to make sure it wasn't the case.
"Hello?" Mary said on the other end, once she picked up.
"Is Sai there?" I asked.
"No, I'm afraid not Kourin," she said. "He still hasn't come home. I haven't seen him since yesterday morning. Why, is something wrong?"
"He was supposed to take me to dinner at 7:30," I said.
"That isn't like him," she said.
"I know," I replied. "Could you tell him to call me when he comes back?"
"Of course dear," she said. "I'll make sure that's the first thing he does once I see him. Now, you take care."
"I will," I said. "Thanks, bye."
I hung up the phone, feeling numb. I had been sure that he would be there, either hurt or refusing to talk to me. It was all I could do to keep my composure as I stumbled out of the restaurant and ran home.
I did though, and I managed to keep the tears inside until I got back home and in my room. Genrou was there, but I ignored him as I flung myself onto my bed. It was then that I let the tears out, sobbing into my pillow. I couldn't quite figure out why I had to cry then, since a little voice in the back of my mind was saying that it would have been worse if he was there, either refusing to talk to me or hurt, but I was, and the tears just wouldn't stop.
"Oi, Ryuuen, you alright?" I heard Genrou asking me not too long after I buried my face in my pillow. I ignored him and kept crying, and I heard him get off his bed and move over to mine.
"Ryuuen, dammit, will ya talk to me?" he asked angrily, sitting down on the bed next to me. He didn't try to pull me away from the pillow, probably because he knew he couldn't. "What happened? Did he do somethin' to ya?"
"No," I said between sobs, my voice muffled by the pillow. "He didn't do anything."
"Then what happened?" he asked.
"Nothing," I said.
"Why are ya cryin' then?" he asked, sounding frustrated.
"He wasn't there," I said quietly, and I felt the bed shift as he leaned closer to hear what I said. "I called his house and the maid said he hasn't been home since yesterday. So nothing happened."
"He bailed on ya?" he asked, sounding surprised.
"I don't know," I said. The tears started to calm down a little then, and I sat up, wiping my eyes. "I don't know where he is, and I don't know why he wasn't there. For all I know he might be laying dead in an alley somewhere!"
Then the tears rushed back. Genrou opened his arms up to let me cry on his shoulder. He hugged me awkwardly as I sobbed. I cried myself to sleep there in his arms, and just as I was drifting off I heard him mutter something about needing to make Sai feel sorry he had made me cry yet again. I was too close to being asleep at the time to protest though, and by the time I woke up I had forgotten it.