Flower_on_thewind: I'm SO sorry everyone!! I've been terribly busy for the
last month and something! And I'll apologize in advance for this crappy fic
that was strung together in my spare time. And ignore all my grammatical
errors. -_-; They are quite embarrassing. Well... enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own Beyblades
Warning: Yaoi/ shonen ai. (male/male couplings)
The Passions of a Phoenix: Kai's Ending
Rei finished his tale with a heavy heart. Every time he even thought about his past sent him through fresh emotions that he was just getting over. He cast a darting eye to Kai and waited for his reaction. He could almost see it now.. After Kai comes out of his neutral state, he's going to say something along the lines of "You're pathetic fag and a disgrace to the Bladebreakers". This was NOT going to be easy on his already fragile heart..
Kai's mind was reeling with the information he was just told. Normally, he would have brushed the whole conversation off without giving a monkey's ass to what the other person felt. However, this wasn't just ANYONE. This was Rei!! And Rei is..is. well, he's different from anyone Kai ever met!!! And now Kai was stuck with a choice- to take the leap of courage or to walk the path of solitude.
It was one damn difficult choice-especially to someone who was alienated to the ways of emotions. He never EVER comforted anyone in his entire life. And no one ever comforted him when he needed it most. Kai was lost and needed guidance. He imagined himself at a crossroad, confused and afraid. Somewhere deep in his heart he knew that this was a choice that could change his life. And somewhere even deeper knew that this decision would affect more that just his. His mind screamed to listen to his survival instincts and walk away, but his heart urged him to listen to it just this once and take the leap. He felt torn in two...just like how Rei felt when he made his decision to leave.
Rei was feeling anxiety at it's worst. Possibilities of what Kai's reaction will be grew by the seconds; each more pain filled and devastating then the last. His eyes began to water while Kai just stared at the ground like he was deep in thought. It wasn't just Kai's silence that caused his inner turmoil to rage to an almost unbearable peak, Kevin's confessions stung him more than he would have cared for.
Throughout his story telling, Kevin's words stuck to his head. Repeating over and over again.
~'You made me question who I am. You made me confused beyond belief! And you still do!! I hate you for that. I hate you for making me become like you! Most of all, I hate you for making me gay...'~
No matter how Rei tried to stop hearing Kevin's voice from saying those bitter words, he couldn't. Rei supposed that he did deserve it. He never wanted to hurt Kevin like he did. Hell, he loved him!! And Rei knew that he still does.
Yes, after all those long days of forgetting his past, he never really forgot how much he loved the smaller boy. He felt so guilty for hurting Kevin so much, despite how Kevin claimed that Lee was the one who hurt most of all. Rei knew that if it weren't for him, Kevin could have been happily ignorant of his real reason for leaving...could have been. Those three words were very painful to Rei. It made him think of what it would be like if he wasn't the way he was, if he were normal and liked girls instead. But that wasn't the case. And it pained him to see reality so harshly because of it. He needed to forget-he needed a distraction. Rei needed something that would shield him from the pains of his past, something that stopped the constant pain and loneliness he's been feeling forever. That's where things come back to Kai...
While Rei was dealing with his inner hell, Kai finally came to a resolution. He decided not to fight that stupid nudge that told him to leap. What's the use of fighting yourself anyways? Either way, you get hurt...
Kai raised his eyes to look at Rei. Rei had this far away look that showed his mental torture. Kai's gut clenched when he saw it. Why did it take him so long to decide? He made a quick note to shove his head down a toilet when he gets a chance.
"Rei?" Kai was uncertain how to go about this, but he was going to try and do this the right way. Not the cold, defensive method he usually used.
When Rei didn't respond to Kai's voice, a cold shiver went through him. Could Rei have fallen so deep into his depression that not even Kai could bring him back? Kai quickly gave Rei a concerned shake to make sure he was still okay. The result was Rei giving a surprised yelp while being jolted back to earth.
"Are you okay?" Rei gave his head a bit of a shake to the stupid question. Of course he wasn't okay!!!!!
"I'm fine! Er, sorry about spacing out back there. I got a lot on my mind."
"Hn." There was a bit of an awkward silence. Yep, Kai was doing a BRILLIANT job on his part...
"Um, Kai..." Rei had to ask... the question was eating him alive! "You don't think I'm a freak... right?"
"What'd I car-" Kai caught himself before he accidentally said something he might regret later. "You're not a freak."
Rei's heart did something that felt like a Roller Coaster. It was in suspense for a long time before it dropped to the bottom of his stomach when Kai started his reply. But then it soared when Kai gave his blunt answer to the question. Rei didn't know how to take Kai's unusual. It gave him hope that he wasn't as hated and as abnormal like he thought he was... But then what DID Kai think of him?
Rei must have looked confused because Kai started add to what he said.
"Listen, Rei... It doesn't matter if you're different. The only thing that matters to me is that you're hap- er able to beyblade at you best for this tournament."
'What am I trying to say??' Kai thought while frozen in fear. Was he trying to say he thought of Rei in a more than teammate/friend way? Or was he just saying these things to ensure his teammate played at his very best?
Kai knew that the first option was most likely true. And the knowledge scared the pants off him.
Things were going way too fast-for him and for Rei. The last thing they both needed was something that may complicate things even more... well... that was what Kai thought.
"Let's get back to the room before the others wake up." Kai said stiffly. He really needed to sort out his mind...
Rei just nodded in response. He couldn't find the ability to speak. 'What was Kai going to say?' Rei pondered over the possibilities. He was sure that Kai was going to say something other than his impersonal reason.
Both boys headed towards their temporary living quarters with questions running in and out of their heads.
*************** Kevin ran all the way back to the White Tigers while tears streamed down his cheeks. He stopped when he saw the room. He was sure that if he ran in there crying, the rest of the group would become worried. While brushing away the unwanted tears, Kevin's mind wandered towards the confrontation that happened minutes before.
He shuddered when all the anger and hurt washed upon him ten times more painfully than earlier. How much he hated Rei was immeasurable. He hated the way he made everything seem so easy when they were young. He hated how he turned his world upside down when he left just like that. He hated him for just about everything!! Now he hated Rei for making him loose control like that. All he was going to do was apologize and leave him with some cruel words. But it didn't happen like that.
No, instead he blurted out his inner torment to the very person who caused it!! It was like once he started, he couldn't stop. So much for leaving Rei broken down with pain- look at himself!
Kevin was disgusted for crying in front of Rei. It was Rei who was supposed to be in pain, not him! He was even more disgusted for crying in the first place!
'Boys don't cry...' He reminded himself bitterly.
Once he calmed down and stopped crying, the only thing that was evidence that he was in tears was the slight redness in his eyes. He took one last shuddering breath before turning to the door that held his team.
Kevin didn't even take a step before the door swung open. Lee stalked out of the room with a pissed off expression on his face. It was a moment until Lee saw Kevin in the dark.
"Where the hell were you? Mariah is worried sick!" Lee exploded. It seemed someone needed their beauty sleep...
"I was out "looking" for items." Kevin lied. It wouldn't be very beneficial for Kevin or Mariah if he told Lee the truth.
"You mean stealing." Lee said with the tone of disapproval. He absolutely hated his friend's hobby. It had no honor to it. "You shouldn't steal, it's wrong."
"Not as wrong as leaving your team behind!" Kevin shot back automatically. It seemed that his rising anger hadn't simmered down yet.
Lee's eyes blazed with anger that rivaled Kevin's earlier. Lee was bound to tradition and honor. He THOUGHT that Rei was like that too, but he had thought wrong. He felt like he could never forgive his ex-best friend.
"Rei will pay for ditching us like that." Lee swore to no one in particular.
Kevin only nodded in agreement. There was no way Rei was going to walk away without paying for causing all of those days feeling loss and confused. He was NOT going to walk away while he left his friends in the dust feeling forgotten. There was no way Rei was going to leave Kevin hurt, broken and in love.
!
IN LOVE!?!?!?! Kevin's eyes grew big when that thought skated through his head. There was no way in HELL that he was in love with Rei... He couldn't be!!... ... ... Right?
While Kevin's thoughts where going into overdrive, Lee decided to come to a conclusion about Rei's fate. It had been an ongoing topic within the White Tigers. Mariah wanted to give Rei a second chance, and Gary agreed with her (being a loyal friend to Rei). Kevin and Lee both wanted to give Rei the punishment he deserved (Kevin having another reason other than his betrayal). So it was split, 50/50. Neither side could gain an upper hand in the debate. But with Lee the leader, the decision was falling more and more upon his judgment.
"Rei will no longer be accepted as a White Tiger." Lee said stated with finality ringing in his voice. "When all of this ends, and all of us goes home, Rei won't be coming with us."
Kevin's heart should have leapt in joy, but it didn't. Instead in hung low in his stomach, like the thin strings that were holding it up suddenly snapped with Lee's words. Kevin didn't like the way he was acting all of a sudden. It went against every word he said- and he always kept his word.
"That's fine with me Lee. It's not like I want to live with a traitor in the neighborhood anyway." Kevin said with an indifferent shrug. He still had a reputation he couldn't discard in front of his friends.
"Rei is going to regret ever leaving us. Not when I'm through with him" Lee said with such malice that Kevin shuddered involuntarily.
"Oh, by the way, Kevin." Lee said like he just remembered something that wasn't really important to him. "I'm glad that you got rid of Rei's bit beast. It's a good job on your part." He ruffled Kevin's hair as if he was a little kid that did something to please his brother.
And oh did Kevin HATE it when people ruffled his hair! And how he absolutely hated it when people treated him like a little kid!! He desperately wanted to say a thing or two to Lee about treating him like a kid, but he couldn't.
He couldn't because then that would be disrespectful. And Lee HATED disrespect. Kevin hated it when Lee would tick him off and he had no way of getting back at him. It wasn't like there was anything stopping him from giving Lee a piece of his mind, but something in the back of his mind told him he needed to gain Lee's respect as an equal.
But what he was doing was getting him anywhere but the respect he wanted, and yet he couldn't do anything about it. This was reminding him of back when he was younger, desperately trying to get Rei's attention.
Rei...
Maybe that was it.
Perhaps he needed Lee's respect because it was what Rei had.
'Damn him!' Kevin swore in his head. It was ALWAYS because of Rei!! And he had no control over it. It was like he had no control over his own actions! He was always constantly comparing himself to Rei, weather he liked it or not. And Rei was always the better one. He's the one with better skills; better personality. Even when it came to friends, Rei had more of them! He even had people in love with him, which was a lot more than what Kevin could say about himself... Speaking of which...
"Mariah's not going to be happy." Kevin pointed out suddenly. He quickly regretted it. Lee still had a crush on Mariah after all these years. And everyone in the White Tigers knew that Mariah had only eyes for Rei.
"No, she's not." Lee agreed while trailing off a bit. "But it's for the best..."
Kevin inwardly snickered. He didn't know why, but he had a feeling it was because a picture of Lee and Mariah suddenly emerged together in his mind's eye.
"You'd better get inside so that Mariah would stop worrying." Lee's voice took on the commanding role of leader once more"
"Yeah, just give me a sec." Kevin replied with a bored tone in his voice. Lee went back inside to catch up on some sleep.
When Kevin was alone once more, his eyes quickly roamed to the brightest star in the sky. It gleamed like a diamond in the darkness. It was calming, as the stars always were to Kevin. They were constant, always there. Unlike his life...
He let his mind wander freely about his odd feeling in the gut of his stomach when Lee announced the final decision. He should be happy that Rei would be gone from his tormented life forever, then why was his heart so heavy? Was that fleeting thought true? Was he... secretly in love with Rei? Was it kept so secretly inside him the he himself didn't know it existed?
So many questions, and no answers to answer them.
Kevin let a small sigh of defeat slip through his lips. Everything he knew was turning upside down! And this wasn't the first time this happened...
'God, I hate you Rei.'
Swiftly, Kevin went into the room that held his friends. As he went in, a single star fell from its place in the black sky.
*************
The next day, Tyson and Max dragged the whole group into a "team bonding" thing. The whole group was to stick together and have fun for the rest of the day. And what exactly were they going to be doing? Two words.
Nature Hike.
"I really don't see why you had to bring ALL of us along, Tyson." Kenny grumbled. He may be smart, but his physical abilities were lacking somewhat.
"Oh, come on, Chief. It'll be fun!!" Max reassured the smaller boy.
"Don't worry chief, this hike will be over before you know it!" Rei added in. He was more than happy to have a distraction from his confused emotions. He'd have to thank Tyson and Max somehow...
"I wish that you guys would hurry it up so we can get this over with." Kai spat while walking ahead of the group. He didn't really say much all day, but that was normal. What was abnormal about Kai today was the fact that he didn't say anything that was negative! When Tyson started the day with his usual perky-somewhat annoying- self, Kai didn't even comment about it. Why was his behavior off today?
He was deciding. He came to the conclusion that he was in love with the Chinese team member, and was wondering if he should do something as drastic as to confess his emotions. A very difficult choice; one that needed to be thought thoroughly.
So through China's terrain they went, seeing many beautiful sites, and awing landscapes. Finally, Max had this crazy idea of climbing a mountain to see the view from a bird's eye view. Tyson agreed in hopes of trying to get over his fear of heights. Kenny agreed because he made a deal with Max that they would go back after the climb. Rei and Kai were both off in their own little worlds and didn't really care what was going on.
"Alright! This is so cool!" Tyson cried a little too enthusiastically to be normal. It was quite clear that he was afraid, mainly due to the expression on his face.
"Come on Tyson," Rei called. He had snapped from his deep thoughts to enjoy the "little" climb. "You're holding us back!"
Kenny wasn't fairing too well either. But kept at it with the knowledge that it would be all over after this. Kai on the other hand was... ... ... was somewhere in between. Sometimes he was so deep in thought that he would almost be as slow as Tyson or Kenny, other times he would be a few feet away from Rei. It was obvious to all that he was thinking hard and respected his solitude.
Rei's mind kept on slipping towards Kai for some odd reason...well, everyone already knows the reason. Ever since last night, a bubbly feeling of...of something erupted in Rei's stomach every now and then. It usually is a result after a happy daydream about Kai... (^_^;) And with every daydream, Rei's hopes and feelings seem to rise with them. Not only did his feelings for Kai increase, but the memories of his past seem to slowly disappear with each new thought about his future. It seemed like... like Kai was somehow healing Rei... but only in his dreams...
The Blade Breakers were almost at the top when they heard the familiar sounds of a beyblade battle near the top of the mountain. Being curious (well, Tyson and Max mostly), they quickly followed to where the sounds were coming from. And lo and behold, they found...
The White Tigers.
Yep, it was them in the flesh. Lee and Gary were practicing while the rest of them watched intently. They didn't even noticed the Blade Breakers until Kevin, having a sixth sense to know when people were watching (very helpful for a thief), spotted the intruders. His eyes quickly harden when he recognized who they were.
"Well, well, if it isn't the TRAITOR in the flesh." Kevin sneered. He DID have a reputation to keep so he kept a show on as if those confusing thoughts never came to him the night before. "And look, he has his NEW buddies here to hide behind."
By now, the rest of the White Tigers spotted them too, and the tension in the air was thick. Tyson was ready at any moment to battle for his team, so was Max but in a more calmer and controlled manner. Kenny had his laptop and Dizzy ready for calculations, Kai was in his normal stance of cold indifference, and Rei...
Rei felt like he was withering from the angry stares of Lee and Kevin. Mariah had a sadden look of sympathy and Gary's eyes were focus like he was in a battle.
"Rei, you dishonorable bastard, give me what is rightfully mine!!!!" Lee's voice boomed with authority and accusation. Even Kevin flinched when Lee cried out.
"What do you mean, "yours"? The White Tiger is mine. And I intend to use it to learn as much about beyblading as possible." Rei stated with an honest tone. He took a quick glance at Kevin whose expression was angry, but his eyes...
Rei was confused. Kevin's eyes were definitely angry, and secretly said something along the lines of you-are-a-liar-and-a-coward. But there was something else in there... something sad, lonely, afraid, and had a bit of...longing? Why was there longing in Kevin's eyes? Was it the eyes of the little boy who use to look up to Rei and now was overshadowed by the hatred that had consumed Kevin? This idea made Rei sick to his stomach... he desperately wished to forget his past at that moment.
"You aren't worthy of the White Tiger!!" Lee bellowed at the top of his lungs. "It left you because it deemed you unworthy and a mistake."
Rei's anger flared against his own will. Lee's taunting words were getting to him, and that surly was NOT a good thing.
"Hey, why don't you just shut up!" Tyson yelled at the leader of the White Tigers. NO ONE puts down one of his teammates and gets away with it. No one. "If you wanna settle it, it's fine by me. Let's go."
Before anything else was done, Max put a hand on to Tyson's shoulder to keep him from doing something irrational and dangerous.
"Whoah there buddy, let's try to settle this with out violence." Max said calmly, trying too cool Tyson's flaring temper.
"Come on, Lee." Mariah said in her soprano pitch voice. "Let's save our battles for the tournament." Lee gave Mariah a calculating glance before agreeing.
"Fine, but remember this, Rei. The day you WANT to come home is the day you'll remember that you are a traitor. And traitors aren't welcome back into the village." With that, he walked a deliberate slow pace to the edge of the cliff and jumped with Mariah and Gary behind him. Throughout the little argument, Kevin had disappeared without anyone noticing. Where he went, nobody knew...
"Well, that went well..." Kenny mumbled to Dizzy.
"You're right, Chief." Dizzy chirped. "It could have ended with a bloody nose and a few black bruises."
"Right, Dizzy... You haven't been downloading anything violent I hope."
"Who me?" The small conversation between boy and computer continued while Tyson had his own argument with Max for stopping him. Kai, who had been silent for the whole time, kept a close watch on Rei. Rei's expression on his face was one of pain and torture. The words that were said had hurt him more than he would want to let on.
Rei took a glance at the scene at made the hasty choice to go off on his own. He ran off to another part of the mountain that overlooked the sunset in the distance. It was quiet here, and he was alone to express his feeling in private.
Tears rolled down Rei's cheeks as Lee's voice boomed in the back of his head. Why was everything so complicated? He was so frustrated, and angry, and hurt, and... and... and just wanted it all to stop!! Nothing was making any sense anymore! It was like, everything he knew was going up side down!! He needed something solid- something to cling on to. He wanted something that would stay by him no matter what. Something constant that would always be there in his life.
'What's the matter with me? What did I ever do to deserve this!!!' This thought went over and over again like a mantra in his head. Every time it replayed, Rei sank deeper in his personal hell. It was that feeling where it was hard to breathe, and the emotion griped your heart tightly making it hard to beat. And then suddenly you can't move for you are struck to the bone with this emotion- this ultimate pain.
Just then, when Rei thought that all was loss, he felt a hesitant touch on his shoulder. At first he thought it was just his imagination and kept his tear filled eyes cast toward the sun. But then the touch went from a hesitant soft touch to a reassured firm grip. It was that touch that stopped him from falling further into his black despair. Rei turned his head to see who was with him in this secluded area. And sure enough, it was Kai.
Kai's eyes weren't incased in ice when Rei gazed into them, but were blazing with emotion instead. Rei momentarily got lost in the burning crimson. He knew he should stop, but he couldn't. It was like Kai's gaze alone was driving that horrible feeling away and made him do nothing but concentrate on him, and only him.
Kai adverted his eyes from Rei's transfixed gaze to the beautiful sunset in front of them.
"Being the chosen one to posses a bit beast is demand, yes. Especially if you have a demanding bit beast such as Dranzer." Kai glance at Rei to make sure he was listening. He wasn't sure what or why he was speaking, but his stupid heart wouldn't be ignored this time... And oddly enough, he wasn't TRYING to ignore his heart this time.
"Dranzer expects perfection from me. The absolute best. At least, that's what I've always been taught. He expects many things from me... such things are strength, honor, power..." He gave a pause as if thinking twice about what he was going to say next.
"But there are two things I have yet been able to provide him." Kai stated hesitantly which grabbed Rei's curiosity despite everything that had happened earlier.
"Those two aspects are Love and Passion." He bore straight into Rei's amber eyes as he uttered his final sentence. His eyes were totally opposite from his tone of voice. His eyes were warm, and almost kind while his voice was cold and monotonous. Rei was confused. Just what was Kai getting at?
"I'm sorry, Kai. I don't understand what you are trying to say."
Kai looked at the setting sun once more.
"You know that as the leader of this team, I must make sure that each of my teammates are in fit condition to battle at their best ability." He let out a breath.
"So I'm asking you, Rei, what could I do to help you?"
The question echoed in Rei's mind. A series of flash backs suddenly flew across Rei's mind. First he saw himself as a little boy with the White Tigers. It felt so right... ... but only for a moment. He was suddenly overshadowed in darkness, and that secure feeling vanished without a trace. Rei was now alone in the darkness. Completely, utterly, alone.
Then he saw his old team again. This time, they didn't give off that secure feeling, instead they glared daggers of hurt and accusations. Rei took a glance at all of their faces, but one stood out the most. It was Kevin's. He's eyes burned with so many emotions that were directed and caused by non other than himself. It hurt to look into them, but it was like this was his punishment... One that he wanted to stop.
"Rei? Are you alright?" Kai asked while snapping him back to reality. Rei had that far away look that worried Kai a lot.
Rei knew now what he had to do to stop this internal torment from consuming him totally. He needed...
"I need you to help me forget." Rei stated in a flat tone. Kai quirked an eyebrow. This was getting interesting...
"I need you...to help me forget my past feelings... I need you to help me get over them. I need you to help me..." Rei's voice was desperate and pleading.
Kai regarded Rei's desperate look with a plunging heart. He needed to help Rei. He needed to make things better for Rei because... because he loved him.
He grabbed Rei by the shoulders and forced him to look into his eyes.
"Tell me what to do and I'll do it." Kai sputtered out fiercely.
Rei took this as a sign. If this wasn't how to end his hell, then he didn't know what to do. Rei harden his eyes in determination and took one deep breath. This was his leap- his jump.
Kai had no idea why Rei's eyes went from pleadingly desperate to fearless determination. He was also sure that there was something else that was shining in Rei's eyes but had no time to figure it out for Rei closed the gap between the two with a crushing kiss.
The kiss was demanding and desperate at the same time. Kai was shocked at first at this sudden action, but returned the favor as soon as he got over the initial surprise. He distinctly noticed how soft and warm Rei's lips were. He wrapped his hand around Rei's waist to pull the Chinese boy closer to him.
Rei couldn't believe it! Kai didn't push him away or dislike him at all!! In fact, not only was he kissing back, but he seemed to be enjoying it!
When the kiss ended, Rei didn't know what to say. He was absolutely speechless.
"Well, that was interesting." Kai commented. His insides were bursting with joy.
"Yeah..." Rei mumbled. There was an awkward silence. This was too weird. First thing Rei knew was that he was at the lowest of the low. Now he felt like he was soaring over the clouds. Not only that, the kiss somehow took that black, depressing feeling away from him. Somehow, that kiss made him forget. How could one kiss do that to him? Then it hit him. Hard.
He was in love. For sure this time.
Now Kai didn't have the advantages over his beyblading skills any more, but he also had the upper hand with his heart as well. He almost laughed out loud in happiness.
Kai was glad that no words were needed to express himself. He had no idea how he was going to tell Rei his feelings and it all came out okay in the end. Not to mention better than okay. His insides were doing funny things, but felt nice for some odd reason. Kai smiled none the less.
"So where does this take us?" Rei asked shyly. This situation was starting to feel embarrassing...
"Wherever you want it to go." Kai said grinning now. Rei melted at the grin. No words needed to be said after that. The last ray of sunlight fell behind the clouds as the two boys walked off to join their teammates.
Little did they know that someone saw the entire scene play out.
Kevin jumped from the tree that he was sitting on. Neither smile nor tears graced his face. His expression was quite neutral aside from the sad grin that tugged at the corners of his mouth. Rei was gone for sure now. No more absurd possibilities that things could be as they once were can ever enter his mind now. Rei was gone, and he was happy.
And for some unknown reason... Kevin was happy too. It was finalized that Rei will never come back and things are going to be different forever, but now Kevin could focus on the future and stop thinking about the past. Maybe one day, he will stop feeling constantly confused and afraid of himself. Maybe one day, he too will find his happiness, just like his former idol.
"Heh, who would've thought..." Kevin mumbled to himself before tilting his head towards the sky.
"The tiger was tamed by the passion of a phoenix."
In the night sky, a newborn star shone brightly in the night sky- beaming the hope of a new tomorrow.
*************************
Flower_on_thewind: I have to apologize again for rushing this fic... well actually it took me forever to do, but it's the best I could do while balancing my schedule. And sorry for such a rushed ending...Argh!!! Too many apologies!! Anyways, please review my fic!! I would like to know what your thoughts about my fic are. ^_^; Oh and fics in the future, Look for another beyblading fic by me about how Rei left the White Tigers to present day and onward from that. Thank you for your time.
Flower_on_thewind
Disclaimer: I do not own Beyblades
Warning: Yaoi/ shonen ai. (male/male couplings)
The Passions of a Phoenix: Kai's Ending
Rei finished his tale with a heavy heart. Every time he even thought about his past sent him through fresh emotions that he was just getting over. He cast a darting eye to Kai and waited for his reaction. He could almost see it now.. After Kai comes out of his neutral state, he's going to say something along the lines of "You're pathetic fag and a disgrace to the Bladebreakers". This was NOT going to be easy on his already fragile heart..
Kai's mind was reeling with the information he was just told. Normally, he would have brushed the whole conversation off without giving a monkey's ass to what the other person felt. However, this wasn't just ANYONE. This was Rei!! And Rei is..is. well, he's different from anyone Kai ever met!!! And now Kai was stuck with a choice- to take the leap of courage or to walk the path of solitude.
It was one damn difficult choice-especially to someone who was alienated to the ways of emotions. He never EVER comforted anyone in his entire life. And no one ever comforted him when he needed it most. Kai was lost and needed guidance. He imagined himself at a crossroad, confused and afraid. Somewhere deep in his heart he knew that this was a choice that could change his life. And somewhere even deeper knew that this decision would affect more that just his. His mind screamed to listen to his survival instincts and walk away, but his heart urged him to listen to it just this once and take the leap. He felt torn in two...just like how Rei felt when he made his decision to leave.
Rei was feeling anxiety at it's worst. Possibilities of what Kai's reaction will be grew by the seconds; each more pain filled and devastating then the last. His eyes began to water while Kai just stared at the ground like he was deep in thought. It wasn't just Kai's silence that caused his inner turmoil to rage to an almost unbearable peak, Kevin's confessions stung him more than he would have cared for.
Throughout his story telling, Kevin's words stuck to his head. Repeating over and over again.
~'You made me question who I am. You made me confused beyond belief! And you still do!! I hate you for that. I hate you for making me become like you! Most of all, I hate you for making me gay...'~
No matter how Rei tried to stop hearing Kevin's voice from saying those bitter words, he couldn't. Rei supposed that he did deserve it. He never wanted to hurt Kevin like he did. Hell, he loved him!! And Rei knew that he still does.
Yes, after all those long days of forgetting his past, he never really forgot how much he loved the smaller boy. He felt so guilty for hurting Kevin so much, despite how Kevin claimed that Lee was the one who hurt most of all. Rei knew that if it weren't for him, Kevin could have been happily ignorant of his real reason for leaving...could have been. Those three words were very painful to Rei. It made him think of what it would be like if he wasn't the way he was, if he were normal and liked girls instead. But that wasn't the case. And it pained him to see reality so harshly because of it. He needed to forget-he needed a distraction. Rei needed something that would shield him from the pains of his past, something that stopped the constant pain and loneliness he's been feeling forever. That's where things come back to Kai...
While Rei was dealing with his inner hell, Kai finally came to a resolution. He decided not to fight that stupid nudge that told him to leap. What's the use of fighting yourself anyways? Either way, you get hurt...
Kai raised his eyes to look at Rei. Rei had this far away look that showed his mental torture. Kai's gut clenched when he saw it. Why did it take him so long to decide? He made a quick note to shove his head down a toilet when he gets a chance.
"Rei?" Kai was uncertain how to go about this, but he was going to try and do this the right way. Not the cold, defensive method he usually used.
When Rei didn't respond to Kai's voice, a cold shiver went through him. Could Rei have fallen so deep into his depression that not even Kai could bring him back? Kai quickly gave Rei a concerned shake to make sure he was still okay. The result was Rei giving a surprised yelp while being jolted back to earth.
"Are you okay?" Rei gave his head a bit of a shake to the stupid question. Of course he wasn't okay!!!!!
"I'm fine! Er, sorry about spacing out back there. I got a lot on my mind."
"Hn." There was a bit of an awkward silence. Yep, Kai was doing a BRILLIANT job on his part...
"Um, Kai..." Rei had to ask... the question was eating him alive! "You don't think I'm a freak... right?"
"What'd I car-" Kai caught himself before he accidentally said something he might regret later. "You're not a freak."
Rei's heart did something that felt like a Roller Coaster. It was in suspense for a long time before it dropped to the bottom of his stomach when Kai started his reply. But then it soared when Kai gave his blunt answer to the question. Rei didn't know how to take Kai's unusual. It gave him hope that he wasn't as hated and as abnormal like he thought he was... But then what DID Kai think of him?
Rei must have looked confused because Kai started add to what he said.
"Listen, Rei... It doesn't matter if you're different. The only thing that matters to me is that you're hap- er able to beyblade at you best for this tournament."
'What am I trying to say??' Kai thought while frozen in fear. Was he trying to say he thought of Rei in a more than teammate/friend way? Or was he just saying these things to ensure his teammate played at his very best?
Kai knew that the first option was most likely true. And the knowledge scared the pants off him.
Things were going way too fast-for him and for Rei. The last thing they both needed was something that may complicate things even more... well... that was what Kai thought.
"Let's get back to the room before the others wake up." Kai said stiffly. He really needed to sort out his mind...
Rei just nodded in response. He couldn't find the ability to speak. 'What was Kai going to say?' Rei pondered over the possibilities. He was sure that Kai was going to say something other than his impersonal reason.
Both boys headed towards their temporary living quarters with questions running in and out of their heads.
*************** Kevin ran all the way back to the White Tigers while tears streamed down his cheeks. He stopped when he saw the room. He was sure that if he ran in there crying, the rest of the group would become worried. While brushing away the unwanted tears, Kevin's mind wandered towards the confrontation that happened minutes before.
He shuddered when all the anger and hurt washed upon him ten times more painfully than earlier. How much he hated Rei was immeasurable. He hated the way he made everything seem so easy when they were young. He hated how he turned his world upside down when he left just like that. He hated him for just about everything!! Now he hated Rei for making him loose control like that. All he was going to do was apologize and leave him with some cruel words. But it didn't happen like that.
No, instead he blurted out his inner torment to the very person who caused it!! It was like once he started, he couldn't stop. So much for leaving Rei broken down with pain- look at himself!
Kevin was disgusted for crying in front of Rei. It was Rei who was supposed to be in pain, not him! He was even more disgusted for crying in the first place!
'Boys don't cry...' He reminded himself bitterly.
Once he calmed down and stopped crying, the only thing that was evidence that he was in tears was the slight redness in his eyes. He took one last shuddering breath before turning to the door that held his team.
Kevin didn't even take a step before the door swung open. Lee stalked out of the room with a pissed off expression on his face. It was a moment until Lee saw Kevin in the dark.
"Where the hell were you? Mariah is worried sick!" Lee exploded. It seemed someone needed their beauty sleep...
"I was out "looking" for items." Kevin lied. It wouldn't be very beneficial for Kevin or Mariah if he told Lee the truth.
"You mean stealing." Lee said with the tone of disapproval. He absolutely hated his friend's hobby. It had no honor to it. "You shouldn't steal, it's wrong."
"Not as wrong as leaving your team behind!" Kevin shot back automatically. It seemed that his rising anger hadn't simmered down yet.
Lee's eyes blazed with anger that rivaled Kevin's earlier. Lee was bound to tradition and honor. He THOUGHT that Rei was like that too, but he had thought wrong. He felt like he could never forgive his ex-best friend.
"Rei will pay for ditching us like that." Lee swore to no one in particular.
Kevin only nodded in agreement. There was no way Rei was going to walk away without paying for causing all of those days feeling loss and confused. He was NOT going to walk away while he left his friends in the dust feeling forgotten. There was no way Rei was going to leave Kevin hurt, broken and in love.
!
IN LOVE!?!?!?! Kevin's eyes grew big when that thought skated through his head. There was no way in HELL that he was in love with Rei... He couldn't be!!... ... ... Right?
While Kevin's thoughts where going into overdrive, Lee decided to come to a conclusion about Rei's fate. It had been an ongoing topic within the White Tigers. Mariah wanted to give Rei a second chance, and Gary agreed with her (being a loyal friend to Rei). Kevin and Lee both wanted to give Rei the punishment he deserved (Kevin having another reason other than his betrayal). So it was split, 50/50. Neither side could gain an upper hand in the debate. But with Lee the leader, the decision was falling more and more upon his judgment.
"Rei will no longer be accepted as a White Tiger." Lee said stated with finality ringing in his voice. "When all of this ends, and all of us goes home, Rei won't be coming with us."
Kevin's heart should have leapt in joy, but it didn't. Instead in hung low in his stomach, like the thin strings that were holding it up suddenly snapped with Lee's words. Kevin didn't like the way he was acting all of a sudden. It went against every word he said- and he always kept his word.
"That's fine with me Lee. It's not like I want to live with a traitor in the neighborhood anyway." Kevin said with an indifferent shrug. He still had a reputation he couldn't discard in front of his friends.
"Rei is going to regret ever leaving us. Not when I'm through with him" Lee said with such malice that Kevin shuddered involuntarily.
"Oh, by the way, Kevin." Lee said like he just remembered something that wasn't really important to him. "I'm glad that you got rid of Rei's bit beast. It's a good job on your part." He ruffled Kevin's hair as if he was a little kid that did something to please his brother.
And oh did Kevin HATE it when people ruffled his hair! And how he absolutely hated it when people treated him like a little kid!! He desperately wanted to say a thing or two to Lee about treating him like a kid, but he couldn't.
He couldn't because then that would be disrespectful. And Lee HATED disrespect. Kevin hated it when Lee would tick him off and he had no way of getting back at him. It wasn't like there was anything stopping him from giving Lee a piece of his mind, but something in the back of his mind told him he needed to gain Lee's respect as an equal.
But what he was doing was getting him anywhere but the respect he wanted, and yet he couldn't do anything about it. This was reminding him of back when he was younger, desperately trying to get Rei's attention.
Rei...
Maybe that was it.
Perhaps he needed Lee's respect because it was what Rei had.
'Damn him!' Kevin swore in his head. It was ALWAYS because of Rei!! And he had no control over it. It was like he had no control over his own actions! He was always constantly comparing himself to Rei, weather he liked it or not. And Rei was always the better one. He's the one with better skills; better personality. Even when it came to friends, Rei had more of them! He even had people in love with him, which was a lot more than what Kevin could say about himself... Speaking of which...
"Mariah's not going to be happy." Kevin pointed out suddenly. He quickly regretted it. Lee still had a crush on Mariah after all these years. And everyone in the White Tigers knew that Mariah had only eyes for Rei.
"No, she's not." Lee agreed while trailing off a bit. "But it's for the best..."
Kevin inwardly snickered. He didn't know why, but he had a feeling it was because a picture of Lee and Mariah suddenly emerged together in his mind's eye.
"You'd better get inside so that Mariah would stop worrying." Lee's voice took on the commanding role of leader once more"
"Yeah, just give me a sec." Kevin replied with a bored tone in his voice. Lee went back inside to catch up on some sleep.
When Kevin was alone once more, his eyes quickly roamed to the brightest star in the sky. It gleamed like a diamond in the darkness. It was calming, as the stars always were to Kevin. They were constant, always there. Unlike his life...
He let his mind wander freely about his odd feeling in the gut of his stomach when Lee announced the final decision. He should be happy that Rei would be gone from his tormented life forever, then why was his heart so heavy? Was that fleeting thought true? Was he... secretly in love with Rei? Was it kept so secretly inside him the he himself didn't know it existed?
So many questions, and no answers to answer them.
Kevin let a small sigh of defeat slip through his lips. Everything he knew was turning upside down! And this wasn't the first time this happened...
'God, I hate you Rei.'
Swiftly, Kevin went into the room that held his friends. As he went in, a single star fell from its place in the black sky.
*************
The next day, Tyson and Max dragged the whole group into a "team bonding" thing. The whole group was to stick together and have fun for the rest of the day. And what exactly were they going to be doing? Two words.
Nature Hike.
"I really don't see why you had to bring ALL of us along, Tyson." Kenny grumbled. He may be smart, but his physical abilities were lacking somewhat.
"Oh, come on, Chief. It'll be fun!!" Max reassured the smaller boy.
"Don't worry chief, this hike will be over before you know it!" Rei added in. He was more than happy to have a distraction from his confused emotions. He'd have to thank Tyson and Max somehow...
"I wish that you guys would hurry it up so we can get this over with." Kai spat while walking ahead of the group. He didn't really say much all day, but that was normal. What was abnormal about Kai today was the fact that he didn't say anything that was negative! When Tyson started the day with his usual perky-somewhat annoying- self, Kai didn't even comment about it. Why was his behavior off today?
He was deciding. He came to the conclusion that he was in love with the Chinese team member, and was wondering if he should do something as drastic as to confess his emotions. A very difficult choice; one that needed to be thought thoroughly.
So through China's terrain they went, seeing many beautiful sites, and awing landscapes. Finally, Max had this crazy idea of climbing a mountain to see the view from a bird's eye view. Tyson agreed in hopes of trying to get over his fear of heights. Kenny agreed because he made a deal with Max that they would go back after the climb. Rei and Kai were both off in their own little worlds and didn't really care what was going on.
"Alright! This is so cool!" Tyson cried a little too enthusiastically to be normal. It was quite clear that he was afraid, mainly due to the expression on his face.
"Come on Tyson," Rei called. He had snapped from his deep thoughts to enjoy the "little" climb. "You're holding us back!"
Kenny wasn't fairing too well either. But kept at it with the knowledge that it would be all over after this. Kai on the other hand was... ... ... was somewhere in between. Sometimes he was so deep in thought that he would almost be as slow as Tyson or Kenny, other times he would be a few feet away from Rei. It was obvious to all that he was thinking hard and respected his solitude.
Rei's mind kept on slipping towards Kai for some odd reason...well, everyone already knows the reason. Ever since last night, a bubbly feeling of...of something erupted in Rei's stomach every now and then. It usually is a result after a happy daydream about Kai... (^_^;) And with every daydream, Rei's hopes and feelings seem to rise with them. Not only did his feelings for Kai increase, but the memories of his past seem to slowly disappear with each new thought about his future. It seemed like... like Kai was somehow healing Rei... but only in his dreams...
The Blade Breakers were almost at the top when they heard the familiar sounds of a beyblade battle near the top of the mountain. Being curious (well, Tyson and Max mostly), they quickly followed to where the sounds were coming from. And lo and behold, they found...
The White Tigers.
Yep, it was them in the flesh. Lee and Gary were practicing while the rest of them watched intently. They didn't even noticed the Blade Breakers until Kevin, having a sixth sense to know when people were watching (very helpful for a thief), spotted the intruders. His eyes quickly harden when he recognized who they were.
"Well, well, if it isn't the TRAITOR in the flesh." Kevin sneered. He DID have a reputation to keep so he kept a show on as if those confusing thoughts never came to him the night before. "And look, he has his NEW buddies here to hide behind."
By now, the rest of the White Tigers spotted them too, and the tension in the air was thick. Tyson was ready at any moment to battle for his team, so was Max but in a more calmer and controlled manner. Kenny had his laptop and Dizzy ready for calculations, Kai was in his normal stance of cold indifference, and Rei...
Rei felt like he was withering from the angry stares of Lee and Kevin. Mariah had a sadden look of sympathy and Gary's eyes were focus like he was in a battle.
"Rei, you dishonorable bastard, give me what is rightfully mine!!!!" Lee's voice boomed with authority and accusation. Even Kevin flinched when Lee cried out.
"What do you mean, "yours"? The White Tiger is mine. And I intend to use it to learn as much about beyblading as possible." Rei stated with an honest tone. He took a quick glance at Kevin whose expression was angry, but his eyes...
Rei was confused. Kevin's eyes were definitely angry, and secretly said something along the lines of you-are-a-liar-and-a-coward. But there was something else in there... something sad, lonely, afraid, and had a bit of...longing? Why was there longing in Kevin's eyes? Was it the eyes of the little boy who use to look up to Rei and now was overshadowed by the hatred that had consumed Kevin? This idea made Rei sick to his stomach... he desperately wished to forget his past at that moment.
"You aren't worthy of the White Tiger!!" Lee bellowed at the top of his lungs. "It left you because it deemed you unworthy and a mistake."
Rei's anger flared against his own will. Lee's taunting words were getting to him, and that surly was NOT a good thing.
"Hey, why don't you just shut up!" Tyson yelled at the leader of the White Tigers. NO ONE puts down one of his teammates and gets away with it. No one. "If you wanna settle it, it's fine by me. Let's go."
Before anything else was done, Max put a hand on to Tyson's shoulder to keep him from doing something irrational and dangerous.
"Whoah there buddy, let's try to settle this with out violence." Max said calmly, trying too cool Tyson's flaring temper.
"Come on, Lee." Mariah said in her soprano pitch voice. "Let's save our battles for the tournament." Lee gave Mariah a calculating glance before agreeing.
"Fine, but remember this, Rei. The day you WANT to come home is the day you'll remember that you are a traitor. And traitors aren't welcome back into the village." With that, he walked a deliberate slow pace to the edge of the cliff and jumped with Mariah and Gary behind him. Throughout the little argument, Kevin had disappeared without anyone noticing. Where he went, nobody knew...
"Well, that went well..." Kenny mumbled to Dizzy.
"You're right, Chief." Dizzy chirped. "It could have ended with a bloody nose and a few black bruises."
"Right, Dizzy... You haven't been downloading anything violent I hope."
"Who me?" The small conversation between boy and computer continued while Tyson had his own argument with Max for stopping him. Kai, who had been silent for the whole time, kept a close watch on Rei. Rei's expression on his face was one of pain and torture. The words that were said had hurt him more than he would want to let on.
Rei took a glance at the scene at made the hasty choice to go off on his own. He ran off to another part of the mountain that overlooked the sunset in the distance. It was quiet here, and he was alone to express his feeling in private.
Tears rolled down Rei's cheeks as Lee's voice boomed in the back of his head. Why was everything so complicated? He was so frustrated, and angry, and hurt, and... and... and just wanted it all to stop!! Nothing was making any sense anymore! It was like, everything he knew was going up side down!! He needed something solid- something to cling on to. He wanted something that would stay by him no matter what. Something constant that would always be there in his life.
'What's the matter with me? What did I ever do to deserve this!!!' This thought went over and over again like a mantra in his head. Every time it replayed, Rei sank deeper in his personal hell. It was that feeling where it was hard to breathe, and the emotion griped your heart tightly making it hard to beat. And then suddenly you can't move for you are struck to the bone with this emotion- this ultimate pain.
Just then, when Rei thought that all was loss, he felt a hesitant touch on his shoulder. At first he thought it was just his imagination and kept his tear filled eyes cast toward the sun. But then the touch went from a hesitant soft touch to a reassured firm grip. It was that touch that stopped him from falling further into his black despair. Rei turned his head to see who was with him in this secluded area. And sure enough, it was Kai.
Kai's eyes weren't incased in ice when Rei gazed into them, but were blazing with emotion instead. Rei momentarily got lost in the burning crimson. He knew he should stop, but he couldn't. It was like Kai's gaze alone was driving that horrible feeling away and made him do nothing but concentrate on him, and only him.
Kai adverted his eyes from Rei's transfixed gaze to the beautiful sunset in front of them.
"Being the chosen one to posses a bit beast is demand, yes. Especially if you have a demanding bit beast such as Dranzer." Kai glance at Rei to make sure he was listening. He wasn't sure what or why he was speaking, but his stupid heart wouldn't be ignored this time... And oddly enough, he wasn't TRYING to ignore his heart this time.
"Dranzer expects perfection from me. The absolute best. At least, that's what I've always been taught. He expects many things from me... such things are strength, honor, power..." He gave a pause as if thinking twice about what he was going to say next.
"But there are two things I have yet been able to provide him." Kai stated hesitantly which grabbed Rei's curiosity despite everything that had happened earlier.
"Those two aspects are Love and Passion." He bore straight into Rei's amber eyes as he uttered his final sentence. His eyes were totally opposite from his tone of voice. His eyes were warm, and almost kind while his voice was cold and monotonous. Rei was confused. Just what was Kai getting at?
"I'm sorry, Kai. I don't understand what you are trying to say."
Kai looked at the setting sun once more.
"You know that as the leader of this team, I must make sure that each of my teammates are in fit condition to battle at their best ability." He let out a breath.
"So I'm asking you, Rei, what could I do to help you?"
The question echoed in Rei's mind. A series of flash backs suddenly flew across Rei's mind. First he saw himself as a little boy with the White Tigers. It felt so right... ... but only for a moment. He was suddenly overshadowed in darkness, and that secure feeling vanished without a trace. Rei was now alone in the darkness. Completely, utterly, alone.
Then he saw his old team again. This time, they didn't give off that secure feeling, instead they glared daggers of hurt and accusations. Rei took a glance at all of their faces, but one stood out the most. It was Kevin's. He's eyes burned with so many emotions that were directed and caused by non other than himself. It hurt to look into them, but it was like this was his punishment... One that he wanted to stop.
"Rei? Are you alright?" Kai asked while snapping him back to reality. Rei had that far away look that worried Kai a lot.
Rei knew now what he had to do to stop this internal torment from consuming him totally. He needed...
"I need you to help me forget." Rei stated in a flat tone. Kai quirked an eyebrow. This was getting interesting...
"I need you...to help me forget my past feelings... I need you to help me get over them. I need you to help me..." Rei's voice was desperate and pleading.
Kai regarded Rei's desperate look with a plunging heart. He needed to help Rei. He needed to make things better for Rei because... because he loved him.
He grabbed Rei by the shoulders and forced him to look into his eyes.
"Tell me what to do and I'll do it." Kai sputtered out fiercely.
Rei took this as a sign. If this wasn't how to end his hell, then he didn't know what to do. Rei harden his eyes in determination and took one deep breath. This was his leap- his jump.
Kai had no idea why Rei's eyes went from pleadingly desperate to fearless determination. He was also sure that there was something else that was shining in Rei's eyes but had no time to figure it out for Rei closed the gap between the two with a crushing kiss.
The kiss was demanding and desperate at the same time. Kai was shocked at first at this sudden action, but returned the favor as soon as he got over the initial surprise. He distinctly noticed how soft and warm Rei's lips were. He wrapped his hand around Rei's waist to pull the Chinese boy closer to him.
Rei couldn't believe it! Kai didn't push him away or dislike him at all!! In fact, not only was he kissing back, but he seemed to be enjoying it!
When the kiss ended, Rei didn't know what to say. He was absolutely speechless.
"Well, that was interesting." Kai commented. His insides were bursting with joy.
"Yeah..." Rei mumbled. There was an awkward silence. This was too weird. First thing Rei knew was that he was at the lowest of the low. Now he felt like he was soaring over the clouds. Not only that, the kiss somehow took that black, depressing feeling away from him. Somehow, that kiss made him forget. How could one kiss do that to him? Then it hit him. Hard.
He was in love. For sure this time.
Now Kai didn't have the advantages over his beyblading skills any more, but he also had the upper hand with his heart as well. He almost laughed out loud in happiness.
Kai was glad that no words were needed to express himself. He had no idea how he was going to tell Rei his feelings and it all came out okay in the end. Not to mention better than okay. His insides were doing funny things, but felt nice for some odd reason. Kai smiled none the less.
"So where does this take us?" Rei asked shyly. This situation was starting to feel embarrassing...
"Wherever you want it to go." Kai said grinning now. Rei melted at the grin. No words needed to be said after that. The last ray of sunlight fell behind the clouds as the two boys walked off to join their teammates.
Little did they know that someone saw the entire scene play out.
Kevin jumped from the tree that he was sitting on. Neither smile nor tears graced his face. His expression was quite neutral aside from the sad grin that tugged at the corners of his mouth. Rei was gone for sure now. No more absurd possibilities that things could be as they once were can ever enter his mind now. Rei was gone, and he was happy.
And for some unknown reason... Kevin was happy too. It was finalized that Rei will never come back and things are going to be different forever, but now Kevin could focus on the future and stop thinking about the past. Maybe one day, he will stop feeling constantly confused and afraid of himself. Maybe one day, he too will find his happiness, just like his former idol.
"Heh, who would've thought..." Kevin mumbled to himself before tilting his head towards the sky.
"The tiger was tamed by the passion of a phoenix."
In the night sky, a newborn star shone brightly in the night sky- beaming the hope of a new tomorrow.
*************************
Flower_on_thewind: I have to apologize again for rushing this fic... well actually it took me forever to do, but it's the best I could do while balancing my schedule. And sorry for such a rushed ending...Argh!!! Too many apologies!! Anyways, please review my fic!! I would like to know what your thoughts about my fic are. ^_^; Oh and fics in the future, Look for another beyblading fic by me about how Rei left the White Tigers to present day and onward from that. Thank you for your time.
Flower_on_thewind