On Carmine's tenth birthday, the boy didn't feel like celebrating.
Dad should be here to see today. Carmine thought. No matter how much time passed, it felt like only yesterday the poor boy learned of his father's death.
Carmine just spent the whole morning in his room. He didn't come out for breakfast either, and Miranda made his favorite. Poached eggs on cheesy toast. He didn't want cake either. Who could eat cake knowing the person they were closest to, who also only came to see them on their birthday, died and they'd never see them again?
Carmine lay curled up in his bed with his bunny, listening to his music box playing his father's lullaby.
Miranda couldn't bear to see her little boy so upset. She herself was still grieving for the loss of her son. Honestly, what mother wouldn't struggle with grief knowing she'd outlived her child? She started to blame herself for this happening.
I should've insisted Qui-Gon stay here when I had the chance! It should've been him who outlived me. Not the other way around.
Miranda entered her grandson's room with a plate of some cookies she made.
"Carmine," sang Miranda. "I brought you some cookies. They're lemon. Your favorite."
"I'm not hungry." Carmine said, not coming out from under the blanket.
Miranda set the cookies onto the nightstand beside Carmine's glasses and began pulling the blanket off of her grandson. He was curled up and squeezing his bunny.
Miranda rolled her grandson over to face her. Carmine's face was tearstained, his hair a mess, and he was still in his pajamas.
"Carmine..." Miranda said. "You can't spend your whole birthday in bed."
"What's the point? Daddy's not coming ever again." Carmine said, starting to cry again.
Miranda sat on the bed and took Carmine into her lap, hugging him close as he cried into her shoulder. She didn't let go for a long time and gently rocked him back and forth like she did when he was smaller, and used her magic to make the music box play as she sang to him.
Carmine listened to his grandmother sing and could hear his father's voice when he listened to his music box. He started to remember all the times he'd had with his father in the little time they'd shared.
"I miss him too, Baby." Miranda said, tears coming to her own eyes. "Not a day goes by that I don't feel sad about Qui-Gon's loss. You lost your father, I lost my only son."
Carmine only continued to cry.
"Sweetie, I know how much it hurts. You aren't the only one suffering. The pain is more than I can bear, even more than you could ever imagine. And I made a promise to your father that I wouldn't let you go it alone in any time. We only have each other now. We'll get through this together."
"I want Daddy!" Carmine cried harder. "I miss him."
"I know, Baby. I know." Miranda said, stroking her grandson's hair. "It's going to be hard for a while. We may never be finished being sad or mad about your father's death. It's okay to feel all these feelings. But your father wouldn't want us to continue suffering like this."
Miranda wiped her little one's tears away and caressed his little face.
Carmine's vision was blurred because he wasn't wearing his glasses, but it was even more blurred by his tears. Despite his blurred vision, he knew his grandmother was being sincere by her touch.
Miranda kissed his head and told him that Qui-Gon wasn't truly gone as long as they remembered him and never forgot his love for either of them.
For a while, Carmine still felt sad by the loss of his father and fell into a fit of depression. But his grandmother stood by him and made sure he had all the emotional support he required.
Every day, she guided Carmine through Jedi training the best she could. She had no Force powers, so there wasn't much she could do to help him with those abilities. But she could guide him through yoga and meditations to help him keep a peace of mind. And she got him some dance holo-videos to help Carmine practice his dancing and keeping up with the beat as he got better and better with his music magic.
Miranda helped Carmine practice his singing too by having him sing along to songs on the radio, practice his father's lullaby, and guided him through various vocal warmups they found on the holo-net.
Carmine also read every book he could find about music, dance, musical instruments, songwriting, and performance he could find in the library.
Carmine got really good at singing and dancing over time, and he became more and more determined to become a great professional singer. He would make his father proud of him just like Qui-Gon believed he would.
Now thirteen-year-old Carmine was sitting down with his journal, working on lyrics for a new song. He sang them to himself and wrote them down.
When I look at my life
Wanna see myself shine on the dance floor
But I won't get it right until I stop asking why
And just let it go
Sometimes I take a look at my life
I take a look at my life
And say oh, oh
Carmine liked what he had so far. He thought again and came up with something to add.
Wanna get it, yeah
Gotta get it, don't need a pot of gold
"Okay, that's good." Carmine said, writing it down. "What else?"
He thought again and came up with... "I've got it!"
Looking for the rainbow to break the storm inside of me
The rainbow to take the clouds that hide in me
All I want is someone to heal the heart of me
The rainbow, it could be the start of me
"Good." Carmine said, writing down his lyrics again.
"How wonderfully you sing, Carmine." Miranda said, walking in.
"Grandma, you're home!" Carmine said, running up and hugging his grandmother.
Miranda wasn't empty-handed either. She held a box bigger than Carmine had seen her hold for any of his gifts.
"What's that?" Carmine asked.
"What do you think it is?" Miranda chuckled, setting the box on the table. "Open it. I think you'll like what's inside."
Carmine opened the box, curious to see what his grandmother had gotten for him. And inside was a beautiful guitar. It was hand-carved painted orangey brown, and it had little music note patterns carved into it.
Apparently, Qui-Gon had been working on that present for Carmine's tenth birthday before he died. A while back, Miranda went to the Temple disguised as a Jedi and decided to look for anything of her son's at the Temple, hoping to find a piece of memorabilia for herself and her grandson. But when she found his room, she didn't find much. Except for a box marked Carmine, and inside she'd found what looked like a wooden carving guitar. But it was unfinished. Thus, Miranda decided to finish it for her son to give to Carmine.
Over the last couple of years, Miranda learned all she could about woodworking and over time, finished carving the guitar herself. Eventually, she painted it, and got a professional to add strings, a bridge, and tuning keys.
Carmine felt so touched that his father worked to make him such a special gift, and even more so knowing that his grandmother worked so hard to finish it for him and make it so perfect. He'd wanted an instrument for a while, but musical instruments were expensive, and Carmine couldn't pick just one he liked for the longest time. But when was eight, he couldn't stop talking about how much he wanted to play guitar, knowing how many of the greatest musical stars played guitar.
"It's... beautiful. Thank you so much, Grandma." Carmine said, taking it out of the box. "I can't believe you and Dad both worked on it."
"Try it out, Dear." Miranda smiled.
Carmine did try it out. The guitar sounded so perfect. And he felt even better about singing his songs now that he had an instrument to play the music to.
Carmine played a pretty song for his grandmother.
Somethin' in your eyes, makes me wanna lose myself
Makes me wanna lose myself, in your arms
There's somethin' in your voice, makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts, the rest of my life
If you knew how lonely my life has been
And how long I've been so alone
And if you knew how I wanted someone to come along
And change my life the way you've done
Carmine thought and felt in his heart just how much his grandmother meant to him. Despite not having much in the beginning, he was happy with her.
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I come from
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
Miranda and Carmine didn't live in a luxurious penthouse or giant mansion, they didn't have tons of money, they didn't have servants tending to them, and they had to save mainly for the bare necessities, but they felt rich because they loved each other and they had all they really needed.
A safe place to sleep, enough to eat, a roof over their heads, and most importantly, a loving family. It was small, but the love they shared was immeasurable.
A window breaks, down a long, dark street
And a siren wails in the night
But I'm alright, 'cause I have you here with me
And I can almost see, through the dark there is light
Well, if you knew how much this moment means to me
And how long I've waited for your touch
And if you knew how happy you are making me
I never thought that I'd love anyone so much
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way the back where I come from
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
Miranda hugged her grandson close. Carmine kissed her cheek.
"I love you, Grandma." Carmine said.
Even though he still grieved over his father, Carmine believed everything would be okay. He had his grandmother, and as long as he had her, he would be okay. She took care of him, and Carmine would take care of her too.
But all that changed one fateful day.
One day, Miranda left Carmine with the Hanshaws while she went to attend an event for small fashion businesses that wanted to expand so she could hopefully expand her business and increase the chance of Carmine getting into a good college.
Carmine was playing a game with Polly and Wilfer while he waited for his grandmother to come pick him up. But, she seemed to be running awfully late.
"Odd," said Nancy. "Miranda should have been back an hour ago."
"What's taking her so long?" Carmine asked.
"Don't worry, Carmine. I'm sure she's just late. But I'll call her just to be sure."
Nancy called Miranda's phone, but the call wasn't getting through. She tried again, and no answer again. Luckily, Miranda gave Nancy a key to her apartment so she could bring Carmine home if she ran late. So, Nancy put her kids to bed, then brought Carmine home and tucked him into bed.
"I'm sure your grandmother will be home by morning, Carmine." Nancy said. "You know all emergency procedures, right?"
"Yes, Mrs. Hanshaw." Carmine said.
Nancy tucked Carmine into bed and locked the door so Carmine would be safe tonight.
But little did Carmine know that he was about to get some devastating news.
Carmine woke up the next morning, but found his grandmother wasn't in her bed. He searched all around the apartment for her, and she was nowhere to be found.
Carmine got worried. He could barely focus on the bowl of cereal he poured himself for breakfast, when he heard a chime at the door. But Carmine knew better than to open the door without a grownup with him.
Carmine peered through the curtain and saw it wasn't Nancy at the door or any of his neighbors, but a police officer and a professionally dress woman. That got Carmine concerned.
The young teenager went to the door and answered.
"Hello, young man." said the policewoman. "Are you Carmine Jinn?"
"Who's asking?" Carmine asked.
The officer showed her badge to show she was legit, and the other woman did the same.
"Mr. Jinn. I'm Cassie O'Dell with Child Protective Services." said the woman, revealed to be a social worker. "I'm afraid we have some bad news."
"It's about your grandmother." said the officer.
According to the officer, Miranda hadn't gone to an event at all. She only told Carmine she was so he wouldn't worry. It turned out, she'd been going to the doctors. And it turned out she had contracted a very rare disease. The doctors did everything they could, but Miranda's virus was just too powerful. Still, the doctors kept fighting to keep her with them, trying to give her more time... and she flatlined.
Carmine felt weak in his knees and practically collapsed before Ms. O'Dell caught him in her arms.
Carmine couldn't believe his grandmother kept it secret that she'd been sick. He had no idea how long she'd been hiding it, but he was nevertheless devastated by the news. First his father, now his grandmother.
Once they got Carmine to his feet and got him to sit down, the officer and social worker asked Carmine some questions about whether he had any other family he could stay with. But, Carmine told them he never knew his mother and that his father was dead too.
For the time being, Carmine was to be taken into Child Protective custody until he could be placed with a foster family or any living relatives could be found.
Carmine was allowed to pack his belongings before they left.
Carmine got his backpack and took some essentials. Fluffy Bunny, his music box, his guitar, some changes of clothes, his toothbrush, some money he'd saved, his favorite books, some pictures of his father and grandmother, and a box Miranda told him was filled with important things to help him continue to learn magic after she was gone. He didn't think he'd need it, but now that she was gone... he had to honor her wishes and continue to learn and grow. Not to mention, he would be able to learn more about his heritage.
Carmine picked up a blue scarf with white butterflies embroidered into it and wrapped it around his neck. It had been his grandmother's favorite, and before she'd left him for the last time, she gave it to him. And that made the boy wonder... did Miranda know she was going to die? If she did, why didn't she tell him? He would've tried to cherish every moment he had left with her. But now, he had no idea where he was going next.
Luckily, Carmine already learned a special bag space spell to cast on his backpack to make it easier to carry his stuff.
Carmine walked with the officer and social worker to their vehicle and sat in the seat as he was buckled up.
Carmine held the locket his father had given him the last time his son had seen him and looked inside it, seeing the image of both the people he loved the most, who now were both gone.
Carmine sniffled and started to cry as he was escorted from the only home he'd ever known and brought to the child protection office to be processed.
About a week later, Carmine was brought to the lobby to meet a Gotal male who was to be Carmine's new foster father.
"Carmine, I'd like you to meet Mr. Gordfrey. Your new foster father." said the social worker.
"Hello." Carmine said.
"Time to come home, little one." said the Gotal, taking Carmine's hand and walking him to his vehicle.
Carmine was taken to Mr. Gordfrey's apartment, where he was brought to what was the guest room, but now was to be Carmine's bedroom.
"Home sweet home, boy." said the Gotal, patting Carmine's head. "You will be very comfortable here."
As his foster father left to get dinner ready, Carmine sat on the bed and thought to himself.
He felt scared. He was in a strange place with someone he didn't even know at all. Nancy couldn't take him in, he had nowhere else to go, and he didn't know what to do.
Carmine hugged Fluffy and started to cry. He looked up to the heavens and asked, "Why did my grandma have to die?! Why did my dad have to die?! What did I do wrong?!"
"Carmine, stop that shouting!" Gordfrey called from the other room. "Inside voice."
Carmine grabbed his pillow and screamed into it, the sound muffled by the pillow. And then he started crying again.