Dating for Dummies
Disclaimer: Joss owns the characters, except for David, and whoever writes those "'Blank' for Dummies" series owns my title too. *sniffles* They own everything! It's just so cruel . . . *sobs*
SUMMARY: Buffy, who has been dateless for a LONG while, makes up a boyfriend to keep everyone from feeling sorry for her & from setting her up with Riley. Everything goes well until her "boyfriend" is asked to make an appearance at her sister's wedding. What is she gonna do?!?!? Somewhat based on the book "Asking for Trouble" by Elizabeth Young. I took some of her ideas, mwuahahaha! And borrowed some ideas from "Must love dogs," by Claire Cook. Hehehe . . .
A/N: To those who mentioned that movie, "See Jane Date," with Charisma Carpenter in it: Yes, I have watched it. It was a cute movie. I'm probably gonna use one of the scenes from that movie.
The book, "Asking for trouble," is a little like the movie . . . But totally different. You see, instead of having her friends set her up with guys, she- *growls* Argh! I don't wanna give anything way, so just read the darn book. *giggles* OR you could read my story . . .*nudge nudge* Hehe!
Thanks for reading and reviewing! Thanks a BUNCHES for the wonderful reviews.
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How exactly DID I get into this mess? Well . . .Things are usually easier to understand when they're told from the beginning.
Three years ago, I was dating this guy name Angel O'connor. We had been the picture-perfect couple. He was always the sweetie, buying me flowers now and then, telling me he loved me. Surprising me with elegant jewelry and cruises. We had dated all our years in high school and even after that for another two years . . .that is until he met this girl named Faith. You can guess what happened from there.
A secret affair happened, of course.
I had found the pair making out in this alley behind this club called The Bronze. There was groping and everything. I knew if I hadn't come, they would've gone farther than just kissing. I wanted to break it off, but he begged for forgiveness. He even bought this ring for me in apology. It was a silver heart being held by a pair of hands and he asked me for another chance.
And the idiot that I am, I gave it to him. A few days later, I thought about having lunch with him. I was going to surprise him at his work. Turns out I was the one surprised. I discovered Faith laying on the table with Angel above her, in all their disgusting, naked glory. Horrible thing was, they didn't even realize I had come in. So they kept at it, panting and moaning, until I finally managed to find my voice and called Angel a bastard and Faith a whore.
Faith just laughed and Angel yelled at me to get out of there. I was happy to comply and threw him the ring he gave me, saying it was over.
I tried to move on, really, I did. But it was so hard to trust anyone from then. I stopped dating for about a year and I literally gave up on love. But mom, being the mother she was, she just *had* to butt into my business.
"Sweetie, you *know* how I feel about you being alone." My mom had worried.
I nodded, "I know." I replied in annoyance, "But really, I'm not alone. Willow lives with me, remember?"
Mrs. Summers agreed, "Yes, yes. Quite right. But still. You've been single for *so* long now. Don't you think it's about time to start seeing someone?"
I gripped the innocent phone tightly as I fought the urge to yell at her. Every time she called, she wasn't ever checking for my health. Or how my job was going. Or how Willow was doing. It was *always* about my love life.
So like every other time that she asked me if I was seeing someone, I replied in the same way, "Mom, I'm just not ready to, yet."
Then she would go on to talking about Riley. Riley Finn . . .The delivery boy at her gallery. No. He didn't work for my mom. He wasn't the guy who delivered paintings to other people.
No, he was the delivery boy. The "Pizza" delivery boy who delivered *TO* my mom's gallery.
She would tell me how good looking he was getting and how sweet he was to her. I rolled my eyes. Right! Whatever . . .
It was a year ago that she called, like she did every other weekend, that she asked me if I was seeing anyone.
"Hello?" I said, picking up the phone.
"Hi, dear. It's your mother." The voice on the other end, said.
I sighed, "Yeah, I know it's you."
"Oh, dear. Must you speak to me that way?"
"Speak like what?"
My mom sniffed, "Speak like you don't want to talk to your poor, old mother." She was sobbing on over the line now. How my mom could be so over sensitive and melodramatic.
I rolled my eyes, thankful that she couldn't see my expression over the phone, "Mom . . .You know I enjoy talking to you."
She sniffed one more time and I could hear her nasally reply, "Yes, of course you do, dear." She blew her nose and sniffled again. "So, did you hear about your sister's new beau?"
I pinched the bridge of my nose, controlling my annoyance, "Yes, mom. I've heard about him from you about the other ten hundred times you've told me. Besides, he's been dating Dawn for about a year now."
"Don't take that tone with me, young lady." My mother scolded. I could almost see her waving her finger at the phone.
"Sorry," I mumbled, "But it's true."
Mrs. Summers agreed, "Quite right. But he is such a fine boy, is he not?"
"He's great, mom."
"That should show that Mrs. Jenkins woman." Joyce said smugly. Mom and Mrs. Jenkins had always been at each other's necks since they had become neighbors. They were so competitive, but tried their hardest not to show it. Mom would occasionally slip into their conversations that her Dawn had been put last in her piano recitals. Being put last in piano recitals meant you were the best. Mrs. Jenkins would then top that off by saying that Tara didn't go to recitals and that she was invited to start recording in a studio. Then Mrs. Jenkins would say how Anya graduated top of her class and my mom would stick her chin in the air and say that I graduated top of the whole grade. And so on.
Now that we were older. Competitions situated on who had the better boyfriend, better husband, more money . . . The competing never ended.
"Yesterday, me and Mrs. Jenkins were talking about Dawn's and Tara's boyfriends."
"Oh?" I asked, trying to sound interested.
"Yes. She told me that Tara was dating a man who owned a fancy restaurant." I heard mom snort on the other side and laugh, "And I just said that Dawn was dating a man who was a lawyer! Ha!" My mom droned on and on about how Dawn's boyfriend was better than Tara's. Mom could talk an ear off, I tell you.
She sighed, "I am so glad Dawn is thinking of marriage. He'd make a *fine* extra piece to our perfect family."
"Uh huh." I replied, sitting on the couch while my dog jumped up beside me.
"And do you know what else would make a fine extra piece to our perfect family?" Mom asked.
"What?"
"A boyfriend for you."
"Mom!"
"What?" Mrs. Summers asked innocently. I heard dad's voice in the background, "Leave the poor girl alone, honey." Ah . . .Gotta love dad.
My mom directed her voice to my dad, "I know, Hank. But she won't ever get a boyfriend unless I tell her to."
"You've been telling her that for the past year, Joyce." Dad reminded and I could hear a fork being slid across glass. He went back to eating.
"Dear, you know I just want you to be happy." Mom told me.
I nodded, "I know, but I am."
"No, you're not."
"Mom, not everyone needs a man to be happy."
"They don't?" Mom asked surprised.
"No, mom. They don't."
There was a long silence on the other end and I ruffled my pet's hair.
"What about Riley?"
"Mom! No!" I grimaced.
"Why not?" I could almost see mom pouting.
"I've told you a million times. He's just not my type. He's big and masculine, his muscles could probably rip his shirt. Plus, he *always* smells. And every time I see him, he's got these brownish looking round stains under his armpits. Mom, it's gross. And he can't fix his hair, it's always messy. And . . .And . . .I don't like his nose." I ended with a 'Hmph.'
"I knew you liked him!" Mom had a tendency to block things out when she didn't like what she was hearing. "So would you like to go on a date with him tomorrow?"
"No," I state firmly.
"Great! Be ready by noon. He's taking you out to lunch."
"Mom!"
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A/N: Next chapter will probably be posted tomorrow because it's already finished. But if I receive good reviews, I might just post it today. It's all up to you. ^_~
Please be kind and review. =) Do you want the next chapter or what? *giggles*
Disclaimer: Joss owns the characters, except for David, and whoever writes those "'Blank' for Dummies" series owns my title too. *sniffles* They own everything! It's just so cruel . . . *sobs*
SUMMARY: Buffy, who has been dateless for a LONG while, makes up a boyfriend to keep everyone from feeling sorry for her & from setting her up with Riley. Everything goes well until her "boyfriend" is asked to make an appearance at her sister's wedding. What is she gonna do?!?!? Somewhat based on the book "Asking for Trouble" by Elizabeth Young. I took some of her ideas, mwuahahaha! And borrowed some ideas from "Must love dogs," by Claire Cook. Hehehe . . .
A/N: To those who mentioned that movie, "See Jane Date," with Charisma Carpenter in it: Yes, I have watched it. It was a cute movie. I'm probably gonna use one of the scenes from that movie.
The book, "Asking for trouble," is a little like the movie . . . But totally different. You see, instead of having her friends set her up with guys, she- *growls* Argh! I don't wanna give anything way, so just read the darn book. *giggles* OR you could read my story . . .*nudge nudge* Hehe!
Thanks for reading and reviewing! Thanks a BUNCHES for the wonderful reviews.
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How exactly DID I get into this mess? Well . . .Things are usually easier to understand when they're told from the beginning.
Three years ago, I was dating this guy name Angel O'connor. We had been the picture-perfect couple. He was always the sweetie, buying me flowers now and then, telling me he loved me. Surprising me with elegant jewelry and cruises. We had dated all our years in high school and even after that for another two years . . .that is until he met this girl named Faith. You can guess what happened from there.
A secret affair happened, of course.
I had found the pair making out in this alley behind this club called The Bronze. There was groping and everything. I knew if I hadn't come, they would've gone farther than just kissing. I wanted to break it off, but he begged for forgiveness. He even bought this ring for me in apology. It was a silver heart being held by a pair of hands and he asked me for another chance.
And the idiot that I am, I gave it to him. A few days later, I thought about having lunch with him. I was going to surprise him at his work. Turns out I was the one surprised. I discovered Faith laying on the table with Angel above her, in all their disgusting, naked glory. Horrible thing was, they didn't even realize I had come in. So they kept at it, panting and moaning, until I finally managed to find my voice and called Angel a bastard and Faith a whore.
Faith just laughed and Angel yelled at me to get out of there. I was happy to comply and threw him the ring he gave me, saying it was over.
I tried to move on, really, I did. But it was so hard to trust anyone from then. I stopped dating for about a year and I literally gave up on love. But mom, being the mother she was, she just *had* to butt into my business.
"Sweetie, you *know* how I feel about you being alone." My mom had worried.
I nodded, "I know." I replied in annoyance, "But really, I'm not alone. Willow lives with me, remember?"
Mrs. Summers agreed, "Yes, yes. Quite right. But still. You've been single for *so* long now. Don't you think it's about time to start seeing someone?"
I gripped the innocent phone tightly as I fought the urge to yell at her. Every time she called, she wasn't ever checking for my health. Or how my job was going. Or how Willow was doing. It was *always* about my love life.
So like every other time that she asked me if I was seeing someone, I replied in the same way, "Mom, I'm just not ready to, yet."
Then she would go on to talking about Riley. Riley Finn . . .The delivery boy at her gallery. No. He didn't work for my mom. He wasn't the guy who delivered paintings to other people.
No, he was the delivery boy. The "Pizza" delivery boy who delivered *TO* my mom's gallery.
She would tell me how good looking he was getting and how sweet he was to her. I rolled my eyes. Right! Whatever . . .
It was a year ago that she called, like she did every other weekend, that she asked me if I was seeing anyone.
"Hello?" I said, picking up the phone.
"Hi, dear. It's your mother." The voice on the other end, said.
I sighed, "Yeah, I know it's you."
"Oh, dear. Must you speak to me that way?"
"Speak like what?"
My mom sniffed, "Speak like you don't want to talk to your poor, old mother." She was sobbing on over the line now. How my mom could be so over sensitive and melodramatic.
I rolled my eyes, thankful that she couldn't see my expression over the phone, "Mom . . .You know I enjoy talking to you."
She sniffed one more time and I could hear her nasally reply, "Yes, of course you do, dear." She blew her nose and sniffled again. "So, did you hear about your sister's new beau?"
I pinched the bridge of my nose, controlling my annoyance, "Yes, mom. I've heard about him from you about the other ten hundred times you've told me. Besides, he's been dating Dawn for about a year now."
"Don't take that tone with me, young lady." My mother scolded. I could almost see her waving her finger at the phone.
"Sorry," I mumbled, "But it's true."
Mrs. Summers agreed, "Quite right. But he is such a fine boy, is he not?"
"He's great, mom."
"That should show that Mrs. Jenkins woman." Joyce said smugly. Mom and Mrs. Jenkins had always been at each other's necks since they had become neighbors. They were so competitive, but tried their hardest not to show it. Mom would occasionally slip into their conversations that her Dawn had been put last in her piano recitals. Being put last in piano recitals meant you were the best. Mrs. Jenkins would then top that off by saying that Tara didn't go to recitals and that she was invited to start recording in a studio. Then Mrs. Jenkins would say how Anya graduated top of her class and my mom would stick her chin in the air and say that I graduated top of the whole grade. And so on.
Now that we were older. Competitions situated on who had the better boyfriend, better husband, more money . . . The competing never ended.
"Yesterday, me and Mrs. Jenkins were talking about Dawn's and Tara's boyfriends."
"Oh?" I asked, trying to sound interested.
"Yes. She told me that Tara was dating a man who owned a fancy restaurant." I heard mom snort on the other side and laugh, "And I just said that Dawn was dating a man who was a lawyer! Ha!" My mom droned on and on about how Dawn's boyfriend was better than Tara's. Mom could talk an ear off, I tell you.
She sighed, "I am so glad Dawn is thinking of marriage. He'd make a *fine* extra piece to our perfect family."
"Uh huh." I replied, sitting on the couch while my dog jumped up beside me.
"And do you know what else would make a fine extra piece to our perfect family?" Mom asked.
"What?"
"A boyfriend for you."
"Mom!"
"What?" Mrs. Summers asked innocently. I heard dad's voice in the background, "Leave the poor girl alone, honey." Ah . . .Gotta love dad.
My mom directed her voice to my dad, "I know, Hank. But she won't ever get a boyfriend unless I tell her to."
"You've been telling her that for the past year, Joyce." Dad reminded and I could hear a fork being slid across glass. He went back to eating.
"Dear, you know I just want you to be happy." Mom told me.
I nodded, "I know, but I am."
"No, you're not."
"Mom, not everyone needs a man to be happy."
"They don't?" Mom asked surprised.
"No, mom. They don't."
There was a long silence on the other end and I ruffled my pet's hair.
"What about Riley?"
"Mom! No!" I grimaced.
"Why not?" I could almost see mom pouting.
"I've told you a million times. He's just not my type. He's big and masculine, his muscles could probably rip his shirt. Plus, he *always* smells. And every time I see him, he's got these brownish looking round stains under his armpits. Mom, it's gross. And he can't fix his hair, it's always messy. And . . .And . . .I don't like his nose." I ended with a 'Hmph.'
"I knew you liked him!" Mom had a tendency to block things out when she didn't like what she was hearing. "So would you like to go on a date with him tomorrow?"
"No," I state firmly.
"Great! Be ready by noon. He's taking you out to lunch."
"Mom!"
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A/N: Next chapter will probably be posted tomorrow because it's already finished. But if I receive good reviews, I might just post it today. It's all up to you. ^_~
Please be kind and review. =) Do you want the next chapter or what? *giggles*