Random Orcs, or We Fell to Middle Earth
Chapter Fifteen: In Which There Is Entirely Too Much Mud
by Galadriel Tolkien
::You suck.::
I didn't bother to reply as I shoved another sopping wet branch out of my way and ducked under it. Behind me in the underbrush, Alayna demonstrated remarkable talents as she made not a sound following me through this section of Ithilien's woods. It was raining, one of those dreary, soak everything yet never pour types. An annoyance for those of us using the woods as cover as we stalked Mordor's army. But we would live.
Alayna's complaints probably stemmed from wanting to be in a warm and dry stall, with hay and clean water to drink. I could understand that. Me, I was dreaming of a warm cushiony chair near a fire, with a mug of hot coffee in one hand and something sugary and chocolatey in the other.
Neither of us were destined to get our wishes.
Sound came to us filtering through the trees in such a way as to make it difficult to pinpoint the source. But the sounds were what we had been waiting for. An army marching through muck and mud, approaching the fortress of Osgiliath intent on sweeping over it like it was so much dust to chuck under the rug.
They were going to get a surprise.
Hopefully.
I peered out from under the bushes, and inspected the approaching host. At the forefront were riders on black horses, cruelly barbed armour gave them a frightening appearance, but I was betting scrawny men were under that. Well, semi-scrawny, considering that stuff had to be weighty.
Behind them marched tens of thousands of men and orcs and creatures which should never have lived. I studied them with horror, recognising the doom of Minas Tirith and the downfall of the west. Unless it all came together, anyway. Which it might. We could be that lucky. Some of the creatures seemed to be made of parts of others, and I wondered how much necromancy Sauron was into. They might just have been science experiments, of course. But I doubted it.
The army was larger than I'd thought. And it worried me, because it was large enough to literally walk over Osgiliath and not even notice the fortress.
And Alayna and I skirmishing would do shit to slow them down. For one thing, I didn't want to show magic this early in the game. For another, there were just too damned many of them.
I sat there in the mud and calculated the ride back to Osgiliath.
::What the fuck are you thinking for, bitch? Let's MOVE!::
She was right. I rolled out from under the bush, ignoring the mud which collected in my clothes, and hopped into the saddle.
We went, half-flying, half-falling through the forest as we tried to get away from the army and towards the people under our protection. Companions can run fast, when they need to. But in trees and bushes, with muck and rain, they're almost as slow as a normal horse.
I swore. ::The road.::
::Might not be any better.::
Ducking another branch, I got a stream of water down my back, ::Anything has to be better.::
::Right.:: She turned, angling towards the road. Hopefully, we'd get there far ahead of where the army was. Hopefully. If not, they'd see us. And we'd have them chasing us, which would give less time for Osgiliath to be evacuated.
I fretted until we spotted the muck-covered surface. Far to my left, I spotted what had to be the pointman. We hit the road and Alayna stretched out her legs, galloping. Mud flew up behind us in spatters, and I wondered if they'd be able to read the signs of a horse passing. Possibly. It didn't matter, really. We had enough of a lead to reach Osgiliath within an hour.
Luck was with us. We hit the walls of Osgiliath 45 minutes after leaving the Dark army far behind us. Alayna skidded to a halt in the forecourt, and I dropped out of the saddle, running for the hall and Faramir's strategy room. Behind me I heard someone exclaim over our condition and take Alayna off for a hot mash.
I didn't have time to care about her or even myself. My clothing and hair were just as coated with mud and water as hers. I was slightly warmer, thanks to the dragon mail, but it wasn't much.
One of the sergeants looked up at me as I entered. Faramir was notably absent. "Where's Lord Faramir?" I demanded.
"He's gone to inspect the far battlements."
"Shit." I turned to run, then paused, "Start getting the troops ready to move out. Mordor is coming." And I was gone, pelting from the room towards the far battlements.
They were a section of the ruins which still stood, but it still took me a good five minutes to get there and another to find Faramir, inspecting a section of wall for defensive purposes. Nice, but it wouldn't stand.
It started raining harder, too.
"My lord!"
He blinked at me, "Marya. I thought you'd gone to make play with the enemy."
"There's too many of them. This side of Osgiliath must be abandoned." I probably looked really silly. Soaked, with rain dripping down my face. And muddy. Well, at least my hair was short. Long hair and rain are a bitch. Nowhere near as romantic as some would have you think.
"We can defend it."
"No. We can't." I grabbed his shoulder, resisting the urge to shake him. "The force marching upon us is probably ten times that faced at Helm's Deep. They will walk over us and not even realise we're there."
Despair lit his eyes. "Then we are lost."
"Nope. Once we're across the bridge, we can hold them for a time." I fingered the trailing ends of magic around me and smiled grimly, "And I plan to leave them one hell of a surprise."
He nodded shortly. "I'll begin the mustering for evacuation."
I coughed. "Hate to say it, but the army? It's about an hour behind me. There might not be time for an organised retreat."
Faramir shot me an irritated look, then began running back towards the main hall, "Then we shall have to leave faster than normal."
"Right. Faster." I pondered the magic around me, and sighed. To get them into the fortress, they'd have to believe there were men to defeat here. Bait.
I hate plans.
--
Dawn was approaching as the three hundred or so men stationed on the eastern side of Osgiliath abandoned the fortress to its fate. Remaining behind were myself, Faramir, Phred, and about ten other men. We had fast horses tethered on the causeway to the bridge. Alayna was with them, happily cropping grass and occasionally mocking my still-sodden state. She'd gotten a rubdown and that warm mash before having to go out into the rain again. I didn't even get cold wine.
Horses get *much* better treatment than humans in a battle. Easier to replace us.
My calculations said the enemy would be upon us within ten minutes. We'd give them a bit of a fight, then run like hell, leaving the structure for them to plunder. I was hoping a lot would want to plunder. They'd probably use it defensively, as well. Expecting us to wait on the other side and pepper advancing forces with arrows.
I was off by five minutes. They must have seen me and tried to hasten their speed to overrun us faster. I'll admit a bright green horse isn't that easy to disguise, but... Rain is usually pretty good at dulling everything.
Or maybe they saw me. Didn't matter.
Within moments, we were over-matched, the archers hitting targets that were immediately replaced with others. I kept firing, though, until the ladders were mounting the walls, and eager orcs swarmed up them. Faramir blew the signal, and we all hastily fired one last time, then ran.
I waited at the top of the stairs into the courtyard counting off archers as they surged past me. Faramir was the last, and I shoved him ahead of me then jumped down onto the stone of the yard as orcs began swarming over the crenellations and the gate shattered with a loud bang.
Our party made it into the hallway, and I slammed the door behind us. "All here?"
There was a quick affirmative from Faramir, and then we all began following the hall through our escape route. Behind us I could feel the orcs crowding in the courtyard and spilling into the stables and other small buildings there. Things were broken and looted, as they searched for the defenders of Osgiliath.
We made it to the second door, and brightened. One more stood between us and certain escape. I turned as I reached it, and winced as something crashed. "They've gotten the first door open."
Faramir nodded grimly and shoved me in front of him as he slammed this door shut. "I'm almost of a mind to stand and defend." He caught me opening my mouth and shook his head, "I saw the size. I know 'tis fruitless. Still... it grates at my bones to leave this place for them to cover in filth."
"They won't." I narrowed my eyes as the second checkpoint was tripped by the invaders. "We need to get out of here. They're right--"
Behind us the door shattered inwards and orcs crowded into the corridor. The leader spotted us and set up a cry. Faramir and I turned, swords out. In the narrow way, we'd have the advantage. They couldn't all come at us at once. The men turned behind us, readying themselves to catch any that slipped past our guard. Two nocked arrows to bows, and fired into the oncoming enemy.
We fought, swords swinging as one for an instant, then dividing into two separate and deadly entities. As they surged over us, we backed, the men behind us keeping us level and upright.
The closer we got towards that final door, the more I worried that the army would slip around behind us. That would be bad. As the minutes and seconds dragged on, I swore, and decided on a different course of action.
With a quick twist, I stepped out in front, and shoved Faramir behind me. "Run."
They were smart men. They ran. For a moment the orcs surged forward, sure of their victory. Then I shot two concussive blasts into the ceiling and rabbited. It fell, crushing them and nearly catching me, but I was just fast enough to get out of range.
Ahead Faramir held the last door open and I ran through it. He followed and we both mounted at the same time as dark men came galloping around the side of a building. I grabbed an arrow and fired at them. With haste, we rode, our horses taking us across the remaining feet of the causeway and onto the bridge. I twisted in the saddle, firing arrow after arrow, stopping our pursuers. They regrouped, and their own bowmen began firing us. Luckily, we were nearly out of range.
It was almost with a sense of sadness that I turned as we entered the earthworks on the other side of the bridge. Faramir was checking his mean while arrows rained the area of the bridge for a time, then stopped. After all, it's sorta stupid to shoot out arrows at nothing. Waste of ammunition and all.
Shortly, though, a troop of orcs came stalking across the bridge, determined to take our side and see us fall. Faramir gave orders, and our bowmen competently kept them away from the closed gate.
"The bridge," I said conversationally as we walked along the battlements, "How are you planning to destroy it?"
Faramir shot me a surprised look.
"Logic."
"Ah. We dammed a bit of the river last night. Now we will release the water, pushing a boat in front. It shall hit the bridge broadside. That, along with previous work along the pillars shall see it fall."
I studied the visible pillars that rose above the water. They were worn with age and the river, and new striations indicated points where Faramir's men had hacked at them. It occurred to me that this move would destroy a bridge that had stood for centuries. But if it halted the host of Mordor, I was all for it. "Sounds good. How soon?"
"We are nearly run out of arrows. Soon."
That soon came shortly as I loosed a last few arrows into the scouting orcs. Then I noticed the river quieting, as if awaiting something. And then that something arrived. A boat, rushing forward, a wall of water behind it. The crewmen scrambled about busily, until at the last possible moment it turned. And the sailors jumped free as ship and water slammed against the bridge. Stone and wood shrieked together. Orcs cried in surprise and terror as the water washed them away.
But it wasn't enough. The bridge swayed, but the ancient stone held. I swore and dumped the bow to the floor. "Keep them off me, please."
Faramir didn't have time to ask his question as I pulled off cloak and boots, slid out of every stitch of outer clothing, and ran. The gate was merely a leap, where I grabbed the top and flipped over. Water-slick stones caught at my bare feet, but I ignored them, even as they tried to send me sliding over the edge. I slid, fought to keep my balance, and ran for the section of bridge that was slowly resettling after the recent contretemps.
Studying the stone there, I readied myself. The cuts would have to be precise diagonals. I swung, shoulders and hips driving the blade down and deep into the stone. It shuddered and my momentum ran out halfway through the stroke.
An arrow flew at me and I cursed, wrenching the blade free and dropping flat. A volley of arrows came from the west bank and I bounced back up and made the second cut. The stone rumbled a protest, but didn't fall. I turned and made a third cut some twenty feet away from the first two. More arrows flew past me and I ignored them.
More creaking and groaning came from the bridge and I knew it was working.
A fourth cut and time stopped for a moment. Then twenty feet of massive stone bridge gave a soft sigh and slid free, falling into the river.
I leapt, slamming the sword deep into the western pillar. My weight dragged it down in a diagonal and the already unsettled stone tipped, twisted, and slid apart. Another section of the bridge began falling as I hit the water below.
As with the last time, the Anduin was fucking cold. I fought the suddenly swirling currents and headed towards the western bank.
I miscalculated, however, and two tons of bridge fell on me. The water helped cushion me, but I was caught, dragged to the bottom where I wouldn't be able to breath. Pinned beneath massive shelves of stone.
::FUCK!:: Alayna's mind-voice was bright with irritation. ::Telekinesis, you idiot!::
::Oh. Right:: I pushed, using the current for leverage, and slid out from under the slab. The current tugged me south, and I let it.
I surfaced moments later and began swimming for the western bank. Once I was out, I gathered my reserves and began making my way north. I could still see Osgiliath, but I had a good mile to go before I could even think of warm cocoa or dry clothing.
::Poor baby.::
I sniffled. No coffee.
::Faramir's impressed.::
::That's so comforting.::
::He's lamenting your loss.::
::Well, don't let him burn my clothes.::
::Never.::
I yawned and hefted my sword. ::How's the Dread Army taking this?::
::Confusion.::
::Yippy skippy.::
--
Chapter Fifteen: In Which There Is Entirely Too Much Mud
by Galadriel Tolkien
::You suck.::
I didn't bother to reply as I shoved another sopping wet branch out of my way and ducked under it. Behind me in the underbrush, Alayna demonstrated remarkable talents as she made not a sound following me through this section of Ithilien's woods. It was raining, one of those dreary, soak everything yet never pour types. An annoyance for those of us using the woods as cover as we stalked Mordor's army. But we would live.
Alayna's complaints probably stemmed from wanting to be in a warm and dry stall, with hay and clean water to drink. I could understand that. Me, I was dreaming of a warm cushiony chair near a fire, with a mug of hot coffee in one hand and something sugary and chocolatey in the other.
Neither of us were destined to get our wishes.
Sound came to us filtering through the trees in such a way as to make it difficult to pinpoint the source. But the sounds were what we had been waiting for. An army marching through muck and mud, approaching the fortress of Osgiliath intent on sweeping over it like it was so much dust to chuck under the rug.
They were going to get a surprise.
Hopefully.
I peered out from under the bushes, and inspected the approaching host. At the forefront were riders on black horses, cruelly barbed armour gave them a frightening appearance, but I was betting scrawny men were under that. Well, semi-scrawny, considering that stuff had to be weighty.
Behind them marched tens of thousands of men and orcs and creatures which should never have lived. I studied them with horror, recognising the doom of Minas Tirith and the downfall of the west. Unless it all came together, anyway. Which it might. We could be that lucky. Some of the creatures seemed to be made of parts of others, and I wondered how much necromancy Sauron was into. They might just have been science experiments, of course. But I doubted it.
The army was larger than I'd thought. And it worried me, because it was large enough to literally walk over Osgiliath and not even notice the fortress.
And Alayna and I skirmishing would do shit to slow them down. For one thing, I didn't want to show magic this early in the game. For another, there were just too damned many of them.
I sat there in the mud and calculated the ride back to Osgiliath.
::What the fuck are you thinking for, bitch? Let's MOVE!::
She was right. I rolled out from under the bush, ignoring the mud which collected in my clothes, and hopped into the saddle.
We went, half-flying, half-falling through the forest as we tried to get away from the army and towards the people under our protection. Companions can run fast, when they need to. But in trees and bushes, with muck and rain, they're almost as slow as a normal horse.
I swore. ::The road.::
::Might not be any better.::
Ducking another branch, I got a stream of water down my back, ::Anything has to be better.::
::Right.:: She turned, angling towards the road. Hopefully, we'd get there far ahead of where the army was. Hopefully. If not, they'd see us. And we'd have them chasing us, which would give less time for Osgiliath to be evacuated.
I fretted until we spotted the muck-covered surface. Far to my left, I spotted what had to be the pointman. We hit the road and Alayna stretched out her legs, galloping. Mud flew up behind us in spatters, and I wondered if they'd be able to read the signs of a horse passing. Possibly. It didn't matter, really. We had enough of a lead to reach Osgiliath within an hour.
Luck was with us. We hit the walls of Osgiliath 45 minutes after leaving the Dark army far behind us. Alayna skidded to a halt in the forecourt, and I dropped out of the saddle, running for the hall and Faramir's strategy room. Behind me I heard someone exclaim over our condition and take Alayna off for a hot mash.
I didn't have time to care about her or even myself. My clothing and hair were just as coated with mud and water as hers. I was slightly warmer, thanks to the dragon mail, but it wasn't much.
One of the sergeants looked up at me as I entered. Faramir was notably absent. "Where's Lord Faramir?" I demanded.
"He's gone to inspect the far battlements."
"Shit." I turned to run, then paused, "Start getting the troops ready to move out. Mordor is coming." And I was gone, pelting from the room towards the far battlements.
They were a section of the ruins which still stood, but it still took me a good five minutes to get there and another to find Faramir, inspecting a section of wall for defensive purposes. Nice, but it wouldn't stand.
It started raining harder, too.
"My lord!"
He blinked at me, "Marya. I thought you'd gone to make play with the enemy."
"There's too many of them. This side of Osgiliath must be abandoned." I probably looked really silly. Soaked, with rain dripping down my face. And muddy. Well, at least my hair was short. Long hair and rain are a bitch. Nowhere near as romantic as some would have you think.
"We can defend it."
"No. We can't." I grabbed his shoulder, resisting the urge to shake him. "The force marching upon us is probably ten times that faced at Helm's Deep. They will walk over us and not even realise we're there."
Despair lit his eyes. "Then we are lost."
"Nope. Once we're across the bridge, we can hold them for a time." I fingered the trailing ends of magic around me and smiled grimly, "And I plan to leave them one hell of a surprise."
He nodded shortly. "I'll begin the mustering for evacuation."
I coughed. "Hate to say it, but the army? It's about an hour behind me. There might not be time for an organised retreat."
Faramir shot me an irritated look, then began running back towards the main hall, "Then we shall have to leave faster than normal."
"Right. Faster." I pondered the magic around me, and sighed. To get them into the fortress, they'd have to believe there were men to defeat here. Bait.
I hate plans.
--
Dawn was approaching as the three hundred or so men stationed on the eastern side of Osgiliath abandoned the fortress to its fate. Remaining behind were myself, Faramir, Phred, and about ten other men. We had fast horses tethered on the causeway to the bridge. Alayna was with them, happily cropping grass and occasionally mocking my still-sodden state. She'd gotten a rubdown and that warm mash before having to go out into the rain again. I didn't even get cold wine.
Horses get *much* better treatment than humans in a battle. Easier to replace us.
My calculations said the enemy would be upon us within ten minutes. We'd give them a bit of a fight, then run like hell, leaving the structure for them to plunder. I was hoping a lot would want to plunder. They'd probably use it defensively, as well. Expecting us to wait on the other side and pepper advancing forces with arrows.
I was off by five minutes. They must have seen me and tried to hasten their speed to overrun us faster. I'll admit a bright green horse isn't that easy to disguise, but... Rain is usually pretty good at dulling everything.
Or maybe they saw me. Didn't matter.
Within moments, we were over-matched, the archers hitting targets that were immediately replaced with others. I kept firing, though, until the ladders were mounting the walls, and eager orcs swarmed up them. Faramir blew the signal, and we all hastily fired one last time, then ran.
I waited at the top of the stairs into the courtyard counting off archers as they surged past me. Faramir was the last, and I shoved him ahead of me then jumped down onto the stone of the yard as orcs began swarming over the crenellations and the gate shattered with a loud bang.
Our party made it into the hallway, and I slammed the door behind us. "All here?"
There was a quick affirmative from Faramir, and then we all began following the hall through our escape route. Behind us I could feel the orcs crowding in the courtyard and spilling into the stables and other small buildings there. Things were broken and looted, as they searched for the defenders of Osgiliath.
We made it to the second door, and brightened. One more stood between us and certain escape. I turned as I reached it, and winced as something crashed. "They've gotten the first door open."
Faramir nodded grimly and shoved me in front of him as he slammed this door shut. "I'm almost of a mind to stand and defend." He caught me opening my mouth and shook his head, "I saw the size. I know 'tis fruitless. Still... it grates at my bones to leave this place for them to cover in filth."
"They won't." I narrowed my eyes as the second checkpoint was tripped by the invaders. "We need to get out of here. They're right--"
Behind us the door shattered inwards and orcs crowded into the corridor. The leader spotted us and set up a cry. Faramir and I turned, swords out. In the narrow way, we'd have the advantage. They couldn't all come at us at once. The men turned behind us, readying themselves to catch any that slipped past our guard. Two nocked arrows to bows, and fired into the oncoming enemy.
We fought, swords swinging as one for an instant, then dividing into two separate and deadly entities. As they surged over us, we backed, the men behind us keeping us level and upright.
The closer we got towards that final door, the more I worried that the army would slip around behind us. That would be bad. As the minutes and seconds dragged on, I swore, and decided on a different course of action.
With a quick twist, I stepped out in front, and shoved Faramir behind me. "Run."
They were smart men. They ran. For a moment the orcs surged forward, sure of their victory. Then I shot two concussive blasts into the ceiling and rabbited. It fell, crushing them and nearly catching me, but I was just fast enough to get out of range.
Ahead Faramir held the last door open and I ran through it. He followed and we both mounted at the same time as dark men came galloping around the side of a building. I grabbed an arrow and fired at them. With haste, we rode, our horses taking us across the remaining feet of the causeway and onto the bridge. I twisted in the saddle, firing arrow after arrow, stopping our pursuers. They regrouped, and their own bowmen began firing us. Luckily, we were nearly out of range.
It was almost with a sense of sadness that I turned as we entered the earthworks on the other side of the bridge. Faramir was checking his mean while arrows rained the area of the bridge for a time, then stopped. After all, it's sorta stupid to shoot out arrows at nothing. Waste of ammunition and all.
Shortly, though, a troop of orcs came stalking across the bridge, determined to take our side and see us fall. Faramir gave orders, and our bowmen competently kept them away from the closed gate.
"The bridge," I said conversationally as we walked along the battlements, "How are you planning to destroy it?"
Faramir shot me a surprised look.
"Logic."
"Ah. We dammed a bit of the river last night. Now we will release the water, pushing a boat in front. It shall hit the bridge broadside. That, along with previous work along the pillars shall see it fall."
I studied the visible pillars that rose above the water. They were worn with age and the river, and new striations indicated points where Faramir's men had hacked at them. It occurred to me that this move would destroy a bridge that had stood for centuries. But if it halted the host of Mordor, I was all for it. "Sounds good. How soon?"
"We are nearly run out of arrows. Soon."
That soon came shortly as I loosed a last few arrows into the scouting orcs. Then I noticed the river quieting, as if awaiting something. And then that something arrived. A boat, rushing forward, a wall of water behind it. The crewmen scrambled about busily, until at the last possible moment it turned. And the sailors jumped free as ship and water slammed against the bridge. Stone and wood shrieked together. Orcs cried in surprise and terror as the water washed them away.
But it wasn't enough. The bridge swayed, but the ancient stone held. I swore and dumped the bow to the floor. "Keep them off me, please."
Faramir didn't have time to ask his question as I pulled off cloak and boots, slid out of every stitch of outer clothing, and ran. The gate was merely a leap, where I grabbed the top and flipped over. Water-slick stones caught at my bare feet, but I ignored them, even as they tried to send me sliding over the edge. I slid, fought to keep my balance, and ran for the section of bridge that was slowly resettling after the recent contretemps.
Studying the stone there, I readied myself. The cuts would have to be precise diagonals. I swung, shoulders and hips driving the blade down and deep into the stone. It shuddered and my momentum ran out halfway through the stroke.
An arrow flew at me and I cursed, wrenching the blade free and dropping flat. A volley of arrows came from the west bank and I bounced back up and made the second cut. The stone rumbled a protest, but didn't fall. I turned and made a third cut some twenty feet away from the first two. More arrows flew past me and I ignored them.
More creaking and groaning came from the bridge and I knew it was working.
A fourth cut and time stopped for a moment. Then twenty feet of massive stone bridge gave a soft sigh and slid free, falling into the river.
I leapt, slamming the sword deep into the western pillar. My weight dragged it down in a diagonal and the already unsettled stone tipped, twisted, and slid apart. Another section of the bridge began falling as I hit the water below.
As with the last time, the Anduin was fucking cold. I fought the suddenly swirling currents and headed towards the western bank.
I miscalculated, however, and two tons of bridge fell on me. The water helped cushion me, but I was caught, dragged to the bottom where I wouldn't be able to breath. Pinned beneath massive shelves of stone.
::FUCK!:: Alayna's mind-voice was bright with irritation. ::Telekinesis, you idiot!::
::Oh. Right:: I pushed, using the current for leverage, and slid out from under the slab. The current tugged me south, and I let it.
I surfaced moments later and began swimming for the western bank. Once I was out, I gathered my reserves and began making my way north. I could still see Osgiliath, but I had a good mile to go before I could even think of warm cocoa or dry clothing.
::Poor baby.::
I sniffled. No coffee.
::Faramir's impressed.::
::That's so comforting.::
::He's lamenting your loss.::
::Well, don't let him burn my clothes.::
::Never.::
I yawned and hefted my sword. ::How's the Dread Army taking this?::
::Confusion.::
::Yippy skippy.::
--