Disclaimer: I do not own any harry potter characters.
And please dont get me wrong, I LOVE harry potter books and everything about it, this is just a SLIGHT exaggeration. EXAGGERATION. Sorry, just incase people didn't read it, I still wanted them to see that I was an exaggeration. And a joke. I'm bored.
::when typing is in these colons, it is my spoken narration::
when its in italics, its actions while speaking
THE REAL HARRY POTTER
0o0o0o0o0o0oo0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
::I was desperately reading; flipping the pages, sweat dripping down my face. I couldnt simply sit there and get more and more brainwashed by these stories.::
::I had to investigate. what could I do? I needed to know the real, true Harry Potter & co. There was no way a guy of fifteen could be so temperamental and idiotic about girls. Ron simply couldnt be so ruthlessly mean. Hermione couldnt possibly be so obsessed with her schoolwork and "Hogwarts: a history." Not all of the Slytherins could be such asses. There was no way Dumbledore was so all-knowing, and no way Percy could be such a prude dick, I mean cmon, hes a teenage guy, the dick part is right, but a prude teenage guy is just not sane. And none of the characters above could need so many dung bombs, getting them every chance they get.::
::So I went to Hogwarts an' took them, I did. I needed to see this with my own eyes. Normal teenagers these were not. I just had to------::
"Fucking get on with it, weve been sitting in your room for long enough." Percy said in a most annoyed tone.
Emily- you're supposed to be in play-format, like this!
"Ill speak whichever way I want, bitch, Im a fucking prefect, head boy even, goddamit." Percy replied.
Emily- now getting pretty pissed- oh, no you will NOT, sir. I am the creator of this fanfic and you will do what youre told!
Percy- mutters almost inaudibly- fucking.kjfdkjfsdfk. wont take this shit. bitch.akdkdjfhgidf.
Emily- In a considerably better mood. -now on with it!
Ginny- whining most annoyingly- what the hell are we doing here!?! Why do you have an American accent!?! Why did you say 'fanfic'!?! wheres Ron!?! Why wouldnt harry have sex with me!?! Why wont anyone have sex with me!?! Why did Voldemort try to kill me in 6th grade!?! Wheres my mom!?! I WANT FOOD-AHH!!
Emily- goodness, fucking shut up.
Ginny- why are you so mean!?! What is th-
Emily- YOULL DO WHAT I WANT! Sheesh, you're a year younger than me and bitchin at me all at once..
Emily- where have you been?
Ginny- in a bitchy voice- ya, ROOOON!
Ron- in a quite timid voice, while twisting his fingers in his hands- s-s- sorry guys, I was in the b-b-bathroom.
Harry- oh, ok. Ya, I was wondering where you were. But now that I think of it, Emily, why are all of us here?
Emily- well, you see, harry, I wanted to get to know you all, besides what it says in the book, because the way you all act there is just not normal. I dont think theyre your true selves, so I took you here to find the true you.
Harry- well that is mostly accurate, actually. In the book, I am overly ridiculous when it comes to girls, but in reality I quite don't notice them.
Ginny- well trust me, harry-boy -eyeing him provocatively- girls sure notice you. -licks her lips-
Percy- -in an almost inaudible voice-not only girls, mind you.
Fred- well you cant expect that Rowling character to get us dead on can you?
George- ya, I mean, sure she like stalks us, but who can blame her, look at me!
Fred- looking disgusted- dont flatter yourself.
George- psha!
::I was already discovering things about the characters that nobody else knows, or will ever know.::
Harry- whats that supposed to mean?
Emily- oh, I'm just saying that Im the only one genius enough to know how to get you guys. It was quite difficult, you know. You only know half of it, actually. Here is a brief recap of my capturing of you:
Wait until my next chapter is up. Im almost done with it, but decided to make it a separate chapter cuz I thought it was getting kinda long. So just wait like a half hour maybe.
And please dont get me wrong, I LOVE harry potter books and everything about it, this is just a SLIGHT exaggeration. EXAGGERATION. Sorry, just incase people didn't read it, I still wanted them to see that I was an exaggeration. And a joke. I'm bored.
::when typing is in these colons, it is my spoken narration::
when its in italics, its actions while speaking
THE REAL HARRY POTTER
0o0o0o0o0o0oo0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
::I was desperately reading; flipping the pages, sweat dripping down my face. I couldnt simply sit there and get more and more brainwashed by these stories.::
::I had to investigate. what could I do? I needed to know the real, true Harry Potter & co. There was no way a guy of fifteen could be so temperamental and idiotic about girls. Ron simply couldnt be so ruthlessly mean. Hermione couldnt possibly be so obsessed with her schoolwork and "Hogwarts: a history." Not all of the Slytherins could be such asses. There was no way Dumbledore was so all-knowing, and no way Percy could be such a prude dick, I mean cmon, hes a teenage guy, the dick part is right, but a prude teenage guy is just not sane. And none of the characters above could need so many dung bombs, getting them every chance they get.::
::So I went to Hogwarts an' took them, I did. I needed to see this with my own eyes. Normal teenagers these were not. I just had to------::
"Fucking get on with it, weve been sitting in your room for long enough." Percy said in a most annoyed tone.
Emily- you're supposed to be in play-format, like this!
"Ill speak whichever way I want, bitch, Im a fucking prefect, head boy even, goddamit." Percy replied.
Emily- now getting pretty pissed- oh, no you will NOT, sir. I am the creator of this fanfic and you will do what youre told!
Percy- mutters almost inaudibly- fucking.kjfdkjfsdfk. wont take this shit. bitch.akdkdjfhgidf.
Emily- In a considerably better mood. -now on with it!
Ginny- whining most annoyingly- what the hell are we doing here!?! Why do you have an American accent!?! Why did you say 'fanfic'!?! wheres Ron!?! Why wouldnt harry have sex with me!?! Why wont anyone have sex with me!?! Why did Voldemort try to kill me in 6th grade!?! Wheres my mom!?! I WANT FOOD-AHH!!
Emily- goodness, fucking shut up.
Ginny- why are you so mean!?! What is th-
Emily- YOULL DO WHAT I WANT! Sheesh, you're a year younger than me and bitchin at me all at once..
Emily- where have you been?
Ginny- in a bitchy voice- ya, ROOOON!
Ron- in a quite timid voice, while twisting his fingers in his hands- s-s- sorry guys, I was in the b-b-bathroom.
Harry- oh, ok. Ya, I was wondering where you were. But now that I think of it, Emily, why are all of us here?
Emily- well, you see, harry, I wanted to get to know you all, besides what it says in the book, because the way you all act there is just not normal. I dont think theyre your true selves, so I took you here to find the true you.
Harry- well that is mostly accurate, actually. In the book, I am overly ridiculous when it comes to girls, but in reality I quite don't notice them.
Ginny- well trust me, harry-boy -eyeing him provocatively- girls sure notice you. -licks her lips-
Percy- -in an almost inaudible voice-not only girls, mind you.
Fred- well you cant expect that Rowling character to get us dead on can you?
George- ya, I mean, sure she like stalks us, but who can blame her, look at me!
Fred- looking disgusted- dont flatter yourself.
George- psha!
::I was already discovering things about the characters that nobody else knows, or will ever know.::
Harry- whats that supposed to mean?
Emily- oh, I'm just saying that Im the only one genius enough to know how to get you guys. It was quite difficult, you know. You only know half of it, actually. Here is a brief recap of my capturing of you:
Wait until my next chapter is up. Im almost done with it, but decided to make it a separate chapter cuz I thought it was getting kinda long. So just wait like a half hour maybe.