Disclaimer: Blah blah blah… If you sue me, I'll cry. ;_;

A/N: And because last chapter was so "serious", I'm returning to the old formula of humor over plot. Mary and Gary (shudder) are still here, though. I'll try to ease up on the drama and stuff… So, enjoy!

~Kouji

~~~

GTE: Great Teacher Ericks!

Chapter 7: Great Teacher Vash!

Augusta High School Report:

And so, peace returned to Augusta High School. The students and teachers were a bit traumatized, but that's about it. The public's response to the English teacher being Vash the Stampede: No response at all. After hearing how he saved the school from destruction, he was a hero. The only thing that changed was his relationship with a few students. They thought he was 'cooler' than before.

There were several other changes to the school. Meryl Stryfe and Milly Thompson were the new Principal and Vice-Principal, respectively. The P.E. teacher, who left due to trauma, was replaced by a newly revived Nicholas D. Wolfwood. The History teacher, who also left due to being scared beyond belief, was replaced by Millions Knives. We hope these changes will help improve the school even more!

~Phil Shomore, Superintendent.

~~~

~~~Earlier that morning…~~~

"Ah! What a beautiful morning!" Vash said as he woke up. He yawned, then looked to Meryl's side of the bed. "Good mor--" She wasn't there. That's odd…Vash thought. Meryl and Milly have the noon shift at work today… Oh well, they must have gone shopping! He got ready for school, and was very excited, as the school was reopening after some repairs. He went to go wake up Knives, who had graduated to a room in a big closet they had. He was still kept under constant watch though, and it was till debated wheter or not he should have a job. "Oh well", Vash thought, as he woke up Knives.

"Snore… Hurt all spiders…" Knives mumbled in his sleep.

Vash twitched. "Well, at least he's improving…" He poked Knives.

"Grah!!" Knives screamed as he woke up. "Hiten Misturugi Style!!!"

Vash screamed. "Ahhh, don't hurt me!!"

Knives regained his state of mind, then stared at Vash. "Oh, it's you…"

"What you say !!"

" How are you Vash !! All your base is belong to us !!"

"Er…"

"Sorry… I have that 'History teacher' job today, don't I?…"

"… Yes…"

"Ah…" Knives got a freaky smile on his face.

"… Do I have to shoot you in the leg again?… I don't wanna, but if necessary…"

"No! Evil!!! Please no!!!"

"Well then, let's get ready…"

The two brothers got dressed. Vash was wearing his usual 'teacher' outfit. Knives was wearing a blue suit. It was completely blue. The shirt, the jacket, the pants, the shoes. Anyway, they hopped into Vash's red Jeep. Knives glared. "I wanna drive…"

Vash stared at Knives. "Last time I let you drive, we ended up on Earth… That was a very, very scary experience…"

"Hey, we got back, didn't we?"

"Yes, but afterwards we crashed into a plant."

Knives got teary eyed. "That poor, poor, plant…"

"The point is, you're not driving!"

"Fine then…"

And so, they drove off. They arrived a few minutes later, with Knives complaining to Vash about how he lost the chance to run over an 'old spider man'. Vash smacked Knives in the head and they went to their respective classes.

~~~ Even earlier that morning…~~~

"Meryl!!! What are we gonna do?! I lost the morning announcements!" Milly yelled in worry. She was wearing the school uniform.

"Don't panic! It has to be here somewhere!" She then looked at Milly. "Um, Milly?…"

"Yes, Meryl?"

"You don't have to wear the uniform…"

"Oh, I know that! I just didn't think it was fair that teachers don't have to wear the uniform!"

"Er…Okay… Anyway, I was thinking of surprising Vash today!"

"That's a good idea!"

"Alright Milly, here's what we do…"

~~~Meanwhile, in the Gym…~~~

"… How did I get myself into this mess?…" Wolfwood aske himself as he looked at the Gym he was now in charge of. "Oh, yeah… 'Nicky dear, please work as the new P.E. teacher?!' Heh…" He was about to light up, but read all the "No Smoking" signs. He put his lighter away. "Damnit…"

Just then, Vash walked by. Wolfwood waved at him. "Howdy, Needle Noggin!" Vash waved back. Wolfwood chuckled when Vash came back, shock on his face. They had a tiny convo, then Vash walked off, haven gotten the better of Wolfwood. "Hey! Don't ignore me, Needle Noggin!" He sighed, then looked at his schedule. He began to list off the game choices outloud. "Basketball, football, hockey, racing, pickle ball, donutball-- Donut ball?…" He stopped. "Actually, football doesn't seem so bad…"

He went over to the closet that had said to have the balls in there. He opened the door, and a huge wall of balls fell over on top of him. "Holy sh--" He never finished that phrase. He was buried under several different types of balls. Big ones, small ones, hairy ones… Heeey… Get your mind out of the gutter! Anyway, Wolfwood dug his way out of the pile of balls. He sighed again. "I'm gonna hate this job…"

~~~

Meanwhile, in English class, Knives had an entirely different reaction to teaching. "I'm going to love this job…" He had the class in the palm of his hand. They were scared of him. He loved the power. A student raised his hand. Knives called over to him. "Yes, puny spider child!!! I am superior to you!" He smiled brightly as the student shivered.

Knives thought for moment. "Ah, yes… I'm supposed to teach you 'History' or whatever…" He picked up a book. "Wel then, where should I start?… Well, once upon a time, the Earth was plagued by a disgusting new species… Humans… I like to call them SPIDERS!!!"

~~~A half an hour later…~~~

"And so, you pathetic spiders introduced… War. Things in nature have always fought, but you spiders fight over trivial things!!!! You're all 'Oh look, he doesn't agree with me, declare war on him!!!' or 'I want your country, even though mine is big enough to choke a Nebraska family member!!' Peh… You humans disgust me… But you also amuse me, so I don't kill you right away… That and the fact I don't want my brother to shoot me in the leg again…" The class stared at Knives. Knives stared at the class. They all stopped staring.

~And now, back to our present setting…~

After fainting, Vash awoke, his head in Meryl's lap. "Ooh, this is nice…"

Meryl stared at Vash. "You're awake?… Good… Get to class…"

"But can't I stay here longer?…"

"GO!"

"Alright!" Vash then ran to class.

~~~

"Class! It's good to see you again!" Vash yelled, smiling and running into the room.

Kaite smirked. "It's good to see you, Vash…"

Mackenzie hopped out of nowhere, and knocked Vash over in a glomp. "Great Teacher Vash! Welcome back! Let us go to the Storage Closet! I have rope!"

"Er… No, and my wife is the Principal now, so…"

"Damn! My rival has new powers over me! She wins this round!" She then hopped off of Vash and sat back into her seat.

Suddenly, a chill ran through the room. A familiar chill… Vash frowned. "Oh no…" Then, Mary Sue and Gary Stu arrived and took their seats. "What are you two doing here?!"

Gary smiled at Vash. "Why Great Teacher Vash… Does the fact that we loathe you and want to kill you give you the right to deny us an education?…"

"Yes! Now get out, please!"

Mary grinned. "Mr. Stryfe, you are so mean…"

"Yes, I'm a mean bad scary man! Rar!"

"Um…"

"Alright, fine! You can stay! But no funny business!"

Mary and Gary smiled quite sadistically while Vash began to sweat. He began to think to himself. "Oh what have I done?…"

~~~

After getting two footballs out, Wolfwood watched as people came into the Gym from the locker rooms. He smiled, as he realized he would be working with kids. Older kids, yes, but kids nonetheless. He stood up and faced the students. "Hello class. I am Nicholas D. Wolfwood. I will be your new Physical Education instructor." He 'urked' as the girls in class pounced on him.

~~~

In English Vash wrote on the board. "Class, starting next week, we will have silent reading in the morning. I want you to bring your own books." A student raised his hand. The student had dirty blonde spiky hair, a bracelet with three rows of studs, and a black shirt underneath his jacket. "Yes, Jin?…"

The boy spoke up. "… Does manga count?…"

Vash sweat dropped. "Er, no… Sorry."

Jin pouted.

~~~

After class ended, Vash talked with Kaite. "I'm… disappointed…"

Kaite raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean? You actually did something English related today!"

"Yeah, but besides that… I get the feeling nothing was accomplished today…"

"Actually, yeah… You ever get the feeling that our lives were never real?"

"Huh?…"

"Y'know, the feeling that our lives are fictional… And we were created to entertain people… And then people write stories based on you, some are masterpieces worthy of being an episode of your 'life', some are utter crap. Some have you married to the person you're most likely to get with, some have you sleeping with your sworn enemy of the same sex."

"Erm… Aren't you late for class?…"

"Oh, yeah! Seeya!" Kaite then ran off.

Vash then sat down. "Oh boy… What a day… Hopefully tomorrow will be more normal…" he then leaned back in his chair too far and fell out the window. "Ow… Medic…"

To be continued…

~~~

And that's all for now! Sorry for the lack of plot, I was just setting up the new set-up of this story. Chapters from this point on will probably get longer to cover the adventures of not only Vash, but Wolfwood, Meryl and Milly, and Knives! There will be 2 to 3 subplots along with the main plot. Gary and Mary will become even bigger characters. Just stick with me, this will get interesting…