Hehe, minna..if you're reading *or at least, were reading-I know it's been
a looooong while since I last updated.*, then gomen! After not being able
to write so long, I've hit a case of writer's block on some stories, muse-
overload on others, and well.confusion! ^^;; Basically, I either have no
idea what I'm going to do with one story, and too many ideas for another.
^^;; Sooooooo...I figured while I try to sort that out, I might as well
reintroduce myself into the fanfic world.^^;; You might be confused by
this, and I know my writing isn't up to par, having fallen after a few
months of no writing at all *sigh-the horror* but...hopefully it'll all
come together, ne?
-----------------------------
"Why did you do it?" Her eyes still shone with innocent curiosity.
He turned away, in shock and fear. How was it possible that she was here?
"How could you do this to me?" She pleaded for an answer.
He choked. This couldn't be real; she couldn't be here, not before him.
This had to be a dream, it had to be! It was just his conscience.
"Ran.how could you? I trusted you."
No, this wasn't happening! It was a dream! He would never act like this if it wasn't! She was not in front of him, sitting on the floor, her white dress pooled around her.
"After I helped you at the flower shop, too.and Aya-chan.Ran, how could you?"
Aya-chan.oh gods, she had visited Aya-chan, bringing her a new vase of flowers every couple of days, whenever she felt the old one was beginning to lose its vibrancy.
She had reassured him that his sister would be just fine, hell, she had stood by his side, helping him keep a grip on his sanity.
"Why?!! DIDN'T YOU CARE ABOUT ME?!!" tears fell from her eyes.
Oh gods.go away! Just leave! Don't do this to me.leave me alone and let me suffer!
"DIDN'T I MATTER TO YOU?! DIDN'T YOU CARE?!!"
I did! I did care! I still do! But.
I had no choice.
If I didn't do it..then Aya-chan..she would have.
Died..
.And I won't let her die..
"I thought I could trust you..I thought you were a good person."
I thought you could trust me too..
I was never a good person, not after the accident..you should have known.
"But you betrayed my trust.you killed me."
I had no choice!! Try to understand, I had no choice! I couldn't let Aya- chan die! They would have killed her if you weren't dead!
"And I don't understand..why?"
Because..
You.
Were expendable.
Or at least I thought you were.
But now..I don't know.
I don't know.
"Ran-chan," he flinched at her nickname for him. "Just tell me why.."
"Because.." He paused. "Because.." Why had he done it? Oh yes, the mission..if she wasn't killed..then his sister would have been..in fact, everyone in the hospital would have been.
"Because..I had to.." Tentatively, he reached out a hand towards her.
Only to have her vanish. It was just a dream.
She reappeared seconds later, this time, dressed in a yellow sundress, stained a deep crimson. Blood continued to gush out of the wound in her stomach in a crimson river, refusing to stop its rapid flow.
"Because.you had to." her voice was bitter, her eyes, dead. "Because you had too." Her voice.it was so.lifeless. "That's not good enough."
Forgive me...
No don't...I don't deserve your forgiveness...
A bloodied hand reached out towards him, caressing his cheek.
"But I forgive you..because I have to.."
He flinched.
No..I don't deserve forgiveness...
"Because I can't NOT forgive you.."
Hate me, beat me, hurt me! Anything, just don't forgive me.it's too hard for you to just forgive me!
"Aishiteru Ran-chan, even now..aishiteru."
No.NO! DON'T LOVE ME!! HATE ME! KILL ME! ANYTHING BUT LOVE ME!
"I forgive you Ran.and I love you..but I'll never trust you again..."
And she slowly began to vanish, caressing his cheek softly one last time with a bloodied hand.
"Aishiteru, Ran."
Usagi...don't go..
"Aishiteru, Ran.don't you dare say goodbye to me.don't you dare show your face at my funeral."
Usagi...his heart clenched.
"Aishiteru, Ran..I don't want to see you ever again.."
Usagi, iie! Don't go! Don't leave me!
"Aishiteru, Ran. I forgive you.."
And she was gone.
-------------------------------
A startled Ran awoke from his dream, his fists clenched, jaws tight. Two days, three hours, fifty-two minutes, and 27 seconds had passed since he had last seen Usagi, the only person he had allowed himself to love other than Aya.
And he would never forgive himself..because two days, three hours, fifty- two minutes, and 27 seconds ago, he had killed Usagi. Stuck his katana right through her right lung, allowing the blade to pierce through her, coming out from her back, shining with the metallic dullness that was blood.
He would never forget the way she looked at him then, with confusion and..pain..so much pain and betrayal in those eyes..he would never forget them..
And now his dreams wouldn't let him...
He ran his hand through his hair, and pulled back as he felt a sticky substance rub on his hand from his cheek.
It was blood.
--------------------------------
Yup..that's it..confused? Me too..it's almost three in the morning *yawns* me need sleep.I know it's not too good...my writing has gone a bit down hill after a pretty long time on hiatus.^^;; well, review and lemme know what you think...who knows..maybe I'll add on to it to try and make some sense out of it.^^;;
-----------------------------
"Why did you do it?" Her eyes still shone with innocent curiosity.
He turned away, in shock and fear. How was it possible that she was here?
"How could you do this to me?" She pleaded for an answer.
He choked. This couldn't be real; she couldn't be here, not before him.
This had to be a dream, it had to be! It was just his conscience.
"Ran.how could you? I trusted you."
No, this wasn't happening! It was a dream! He would never act like this if it wasn't! She was not in front of him, sitting on the floor, her white dress pooled around her.
"After I helped you at the flower shop, too.and Aya-chan.Ran, how could you?"
Aya-chan.oh gods, she had visited Aya-chan, bringing her a new vase of flowers every couple of days, whenever she felt the old one was beginning to lose its vibrancy.
She had reassured him that his sister would be just fine, hell, she had stood by his side, helping him keep a grip on his sanity.
"Why?!! DIDN'T YOU CARE ABOUT ME?!!" tears fell from her eyes.
Oh gods.go away! Just leave! Don't do this to me.leave me alone and let me suffer!
"DIDN'T I MATTER TO YOU?! DIDN'T YOU CARE?!!"
I did! I did care! I still do! But.
I had no choice.
If I didn't do it..then Aya-chan..she would have.
Died..
.And I won't let her die..
"I thought I could trust you..I thought you were a good person."
I thought you could trust me too..
I was never a good person, not after the accident..you should have known.
"But you betrayed my trust.you killed me."
I had no choice!! Try to understand, I had no choice! I couldn't let Aya- chan die! They would have killed her if you weren't dead!
"And I don't understand..why?"
Because..
You.
Were expendable.
Or at least I thought you were.
But now..I don't know.
I don't know.
"Ran-chan," he flinched at her nickname for him. "Just tell me why.."
"Because.." He paused. "Because.." Why had he done it? Oh yes, the mission..if she wasn't killed..then his sister would have been..in fact, everyone in the hospital would have been.
"Because..I had to.." Tentatively, he reached out a hand towards her.
Only to have her vanish. It was just a dream.
She reappeared seconds later, this time, dressed in a yellow sundress, stained a deep crimson. Blood continued to gush out of the wound in her stomach in a crimson river, refusing to stop its rapid flow.
"Because.you had to." her voice was bitter, her eyes, dead. "Because you had too." Her voice.it was so.lifeless. "That's not good enough."
Forgive me...
No don't...I don't deserve your forgiveness...
A bloodied hand reached out towards him, caressing his cheek.
"But I forgive you..because I have to.."
He flinched.
No..I don't deserve forgiveness...
"Because I can't NOT forgive you.."
Hate me, beat me, hurt me! Anything, just don't forgive me.it's too hard for you to just forgive me!
"Aishiteru Ran-chan, even now..aishiteru."
No.NO! DON'T LOVE ME!! HATE ME! KILL ME! ANYTHING BUT LOVE ME!
"I forgive you Ran.and I love you..but I'll never trust you again..."
And she slowly began to vanish, caressing his cheek softly one last time with a bloodied hand.
"Aishiteru, Ran."
Usagi...don't go..
"Aishiteru, Ran.don't you dare say goodbye to me.don't you dare show your face at my funeral."
Usagi...his heart clenched.
"Aishiteru, Ran..I don't want to see you ever again.."
Usagi, iie! Don't go! Don't leave me!
"Aishiteru, Ran. I forgive you.."
And she was gone.
-------------------------------
A startled Ran awoke from his dream, his fists clenched, jaws tight. Two days, three hours, fifty-two minutes, and 27 seconds had passed since he had last seen Usagi, the only person he had allowed himself to love other than Aya.
And he would never forgive himself..because two days, three hours, fifty- two minutes, and 27 seconds ago, he had killed Usagi. Stuck his katana right through her right lung, allowing the blade to pierce through her, coming out from her back, shining with the metallic dullness that was blood.
He would never forget the way she looked at him then, with confusion and..pain..so much pain and betrayal in those eyes..he would never forget them..
And now his dreams wouldn't let him...
He ran his hand through his hair, and pulled back as he felt a sticky substance rub on his hand from his cheek.
It was blood.
--------------------------------
Yup..that's it..confused? Me too..it's almost three in the morning *yawns* me need sleep.I know it's not too good...my writing has gone a bit down hill after a pretty long time on hiatus.^^;; well, review and lemme know what you think...who knows..maybe I'll add on to it to try and make some sense out of it.^^;;