My Family
By Astro Purple
AstroPurpl@aol.com
G
Timeline: Anytime during the X5s' existence.
Summary: How each X5 sees their family and their special bond.
Author's Note: Oh I forgot to mention, the first installment was Zack's POV, in case some of you didn't guess. This one is Max's POV.
Disclaimer: Dark Angel characters belong to the wonderful people who bring Dark Angel to us.
* * *
As I look out at the city lying at my feet, I imagine beside me the rest of my family sits. Each of them, silent in their own thoughts of the past, the present, and the future. But that's not going to happen. It's a risk for us all to be together, Zack's right about that. You see, my family and I aren't normal people, we're far from normal. We were genetically engineered in a lab and then planted into surrogate mothers. We were raised in Manticore, and we would still be there if Zack hadn't gotten us out.
Manticore. Those are memories I don't want to remember. They weren't good ones. They weren't happy. Even now I can still hear the sound of the doors shutting, locking us in our dorms for the night. I can hear the nomalies screaming and shaking their metal doors; doors that won't ever be opened again. There's a mixture of voices in my head; Colonel Lydecker's is the one I remember the best. He is yelling at us, ordering us, but I can't distinguish what he's saying. It's all blurred together, just ringing in my head, driving me slowly crazy.
I'm thankful that Manticore isn't my home anymore. My home isn't a ten by ten square with cold cement walls and an equally cold bed. I have Zack to thank for that. He got us out of Manticore safely and gave us a chance to build a real home in the real world. I don't mind what the US has become, it's all cool, easier for a girl like me to disappear. Besides, if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be living in Seattle; have an awesome roommate, Original Cindy; the chance to spend my nights hangin' out at Crash; even be working at my crap ass job ordered around by Normal; but the best of all, I couldn't have met Logan. Thank you Zack, for helping me fill the empty space in my heart.
What I have right now is the closest thing to a real life I'll ever had. I didn't have a childhood, and right now I'm making up for it in an adult way. I don't have a real boyfriend who can take me out to the movies or endure question and answer time with the parents, but I have a boyfriend. And he has to endure through Zack. It's kinda sweet seeing the two of them together. Zack wants the best for me and he doesn't think Logan's good enough. He's always watching Logan, staring at him with those baby blue eyes of his, just waiting for him to trip up so he can take me away. And Logan, he tries so hard not to make mistakes, he's always nervous when Zack's around. Logan knows that Zack could snap him into two. I think it's so cute the way they put up with each other. Zack knows I like Logan, no… more than like, love him, and he's willing to give Logan a chance with me. And Logan knows how protective Zack is, and he just wants to prove to Zack that he can watch out for me. Be there for me when I need him. I'm lucky to have two people in my life who love me so much.
Zack tries so hard to distance his heart from each of us, but his eyes give it all away. I saw it each time he looks at me, I saw it when he gazed sadly at Brin, and I saw it when he looked at Tinga before she was taken. He loves each of us with all his heart, but he feels like he can't show it. He tries so hard to be the hard, cold, indifferent CO instilled in him at Manticore, but another part of him tries hard to be close with us. Each time I see him, I want to say, "it's all right Zack." I want to tell him that we love him as much as he loves us, and we won't think any less of him if he starts to show some emotion. In fact, I personally think it'll help us grow closer, as well as be good for him. How much can it compromise us if he gave us a smile or even a hug those few chances we get to see him? Or a pat on the back for once? For everything I do, my mind always wanders to what Zack would do if he were in the same situation. It's just a habit I've gotten myself into; Zack is my role model, and the big brother I look up to for approval.
When I first saw Brin, lying there helpless on the bench, my mind went back to our days at Manticore. I don't know why, but I guess it's because out of the twelve of us, she seemed the least wanting to get away. She had always been a good little soldier and followed all the orders to the exact letter. When we practiced missions, she was always the one to go against decisions Zack made about modifying how we were going to execute and complete our mission. She never verbally or physically protested, but I could just tell. We all could. Unlike the rest of us, Brin never knew what to do unless someone told her. She didn't have the creative thinking programmed into her like the rest of us. I know some of the others think she might have been a defected prototype, but I still love her. She'll always be my sister, Manticore soldier or not.
Krit and Syl… what can I say about those two? They always stuck together in Manticore, partnered up for drills, simu-missions, anything. When I drove into that warehouse again and saw their faces, I wasn't surprised they had arrived together, and I wasn't surprised that they traveled together. They're the opposite of me, always on the move while I enjoy staying put where I currently have set up camp. I don't hate them for leaving town when they're in a jam; after all, they're still young. When they're older, maybe they'll have some compassion for the lives they touch and the people who care about them. Maybe. I still have my hopes up.
My best friend when I was young… Jondy. I miss her. I miss how we stayed up nights talking and staring out the window at the night sky. She's like me, we don't need as much sleep as the others do. The night was my time, she was the only other person who understood that. From what Zack's told me, she's a full-blown rebel, but then she always did push the rules at Manticore. I use to wonder how she could loved taunting the guards and the doctors the way she did. But oh well, that was Jondy.
Whenever I think that I finally have a real life, my mind goes to Tinga. Out of all of us, she had the real life. I mean, she had a child. She took a chance and brought another being into the messed up world we live in. In a way, I'm not surprised. In Manticore, she was like our acting mother. There for us when we were hurt or needed a shoulder to cry on or just someone to talk to. She nurtured us the best she could, even though she wasn't much older. Zack and her had roles in our "family." Zack was like our father, our big brother, and the person who would protect us from the bad. And Tinga… she had the role of mother. She was the person who made sure we had our vitamins, didn't go to bed hungry, and sat with us through the night if we weren't feeling well. In my mind, it seemed perfect that Tinga was the only one to have a family. The rest of us wouldn't have been ready for that kind of responsibility, yet.
Out of everyone I've heard about or met, Zane is the one I look forward to spending time with the most. Zack says he's always in some form of trouble. Whether it's with the gangs he seems to enjoy hanging out with, or with the local law enforcement. Zack also said that Zane would be the first one caught by Manticore. He was wrong about that. But Krit says Zane is just living like any teenager would without a guardian to watch over him twenty four seven. Whatever his real deal is, I'm hoping once we manage to blow off Manticore for good, I can meet him. I've already heard so much about him from Zack that I feel like I know my little brother inside and out. Zack's always storming in on me and complaining about Zane drinking too much, the many 'girls' he picks up, taming the wild side of himself, taking life a bit more seriously, or even when Zane is trying to be like Zack. Zack expects so much out of us, and I know there's no way we can ever live up to his expectations.
I had to kill Ben. That's the one memory that keeps returning to haunt me. The one memory that I can't seem to lock away into the deepest chasms of my mind. Whenever I try to remember him, all I can see is him lying there on the forest ground, pleading for his life with his eyes. He was so scared. There was something really wrong with him, he was really sick. But I couldn't help him, in the end, the only thing I could do was kill him. I can't seem to remember our days at Manticore, when he was healthy and still telling us stories or making shadow puppets to entertain us. Zack returned to Seattle after hearing that news reports of a killer and his mark. He knew it was Ben, but he was too late. I couldn't wait any longer. I tried to carry him out of the forest, but Ben wouldn't have it. He wanted to go back to Manticore, and I hated him for it. Worst of all, he wanted all of us to go back to Manticore, and I almost stopped loving him. I almost forgot that he use to be a loving brother. One of the only brothers I had ever felt close to.
So you see…? My family isn't your run of the mill family. We shouldn't even be around, even exist in your world, but we do. There's no one out there who can understand my feelings except for my family. I'm lonely at times, but I can't let it show. I can't let Lydecker know that my family is my weakness, because in each of us, our weakness is our family. As I sit on this Space Needle, high above anyone and everyone, I'm alone. Without my family beside me, I grow colder as the days pass. Maybe it's some kind of biological clock ticking away, telling me that my time in this world is almost up. I was forced into existence, brought here by a bunch of norms looking to play God, but they're not God. Instead of creating something magnificent, what if they created a hideous monster?
* * *
I was listening to "Smoke" by Natalie Imbruglia when I wrote Ben's little paragraph. I think that's why that paragraph and the end is so depressing. Oh well, it kinda fits and brings this 'chapter' to a nice close.
By Astro Purple
AstroPurpl@aol.com
G
Timeline: Anytime during the X5s' existence.
Summary: How each X5 sees their family and their special bond.
Author's Note: Oh I forgot to mention, the first installment was Zack's POV, in case some of you didn't guess. This one is Max's POV.
Disclaimer: Dark Angel characters belong to the wonderful people who bring Dark Angel to us.
* * *
As I look out at the city lying at my feet, I imagine beside me the rest of my family sits. Each of them, silent in their own thoughts of the past, the present, and the future. But that's not going to happen. It's a risk for us all to be together, Zack's right about that. You see, my family and I aren't normal people, we're far from normal. We were genetically engineered in a lab and then planted into surrogate mothers. We were raised in Manticore, and we would still be there if Zack hadn't gotten us out.
Manticore. Those are memories I don't want to remember. They weren't good ones. They weren't happy. Even now I can still hear the sound of the doors shutting, locking us in our dorms for the night. I can hear the nomalies screaming and shaking their metal doors; doors that won't ever be opened again. There's a mixture of voices in my head; Colonel Lydecker's is the one I remember the best. He is yelling at us, ordering us, but I can't distinguish what he's saying. It's all blurred together, just ringing in my head, driving me slowly crazy.
I'm thankful that Manticore isn't my home anymore. My home isn't a ten by ten square with cold cement walls and an equally cold bed. I have Zack to thank for that. He got us out of Manticore safely and gave us a chance to build a real home in the real world. I don't mind what the US has become, it's all cool, easier for a girl like me to disappear. Besides, if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be living in Seattle; have an awesome roommate, Original Cindy; the chance to spend my nights hangin' out at Crash; even be working at my crap ass job ordered around by Normal; but the best of all, I couldn't have met Logan. Thank you Zack, for helping me fill the empty space in my heart.
What I have right now is the closest thing to a real life I'll ever had. I didn't have a childhood, and right now I'm making up for it in an adult way. I don't have a real boyfriend who can take me out to the movies or endure question and answer time with the parents, but I have a boyfriend. And he has to endure through Zack. It's kinda sweet seeing the two of them together. Zack wants the best for me and he doesn't think Logan's good enough. He's always watching Logan, staring at him with those baby blue eyes of his, just waiting for him to trip up so he can take me away. And Logan, he tries so hard not to make mistakes, he's always nervous when Zack's around. Logan knows that Zack could snap him into two. I think it's so cute the way they put up with each other. Zack knows I like Logan, no… more than like, love him, and he's willing to give Logan a chance with me. And Logan knows how protective Zack is, and he just wants to prove to Zack that he can watch out for me. Be there for me when I need him. I'm lucky to have two people in my life who love me so much.
Zack tries so hard to distance his heart from each of us, but his eyes give it all away. I saw it each time he looks at me, I saw it when he gazed sadly at Brin, and I saw it when he looked at Tinga before she was taken. He loves each of us with all his heart, but he feels like he can't show it. He tries so hard to be the hard, cold, indifferent CO instilled in him at Manticore, but another part of him tries hard to be close with us. Each time I see him, I want to say, "it's all right Zack." I want to tell him that we love him as much as he loves us, and we won't think any less of him if he starts to show some emotion. In fact, I personally think it'll help us grow closer, as well as be good for him. How much can it compromise us if he gave us a smile or even a hug those few chances we get to see him? Or a pat on the back for once? For everything I do, my mind always wanders to what Zack would do if he were in the same situation. It's just a habit I've gotten myself into; Zack is my role model, and the big brother I look up to for approval.
When I first saw Brin, lying there helpless on the bench, my mind went back to our days at Manticore. I don't know why, but I guess it's because out of the twelve of us, she seemed the least wanting to get away. She had always been a good little soldier and followed all the orders to the exact letter. When we practiced missions, she was always the one to go against decisions Zack made about modifying how we were going to execute and complete our mission. She never verbally or physically protested, but I could just tell. We all could. Unlike the rest of us, Brin never knew what to do unless someone told her. She didn't have the creative thinking programmed into her like the rest of us. I know some of the others think she might have been a defected prototype, but I still love her. She'll always be my sister, Manticore soldier or not.
Krit and Syl… what can I say about those two? They always stuck together in Manticore, partnered up for drills, simu-missions, anything. When I drove into that warehouse again and saw their faces, I wasn't surprised they had arrived together, and I wasn't surprised that they traveled together. They're the opposite of me, always on the move while I enjoy staying put where I currently have set up camp. I don't hate them for leaving town when they're in a jam; after all, they're still young. When they're older, maybe they'll have some compassion for the lives they touch and the people who care about them. Maybe. I still have my hopes up.
My best friend when I was young… Jondy. I miss her. I miss how we stayed up nights talking and staring out the window at the night sky. She's like me, we don't need as much sleep as the others do. The night was my time, she was the only other person who understood that. From what Zack's told me, she's a full-blown rebel, but then she always did push the rules at Manticore. I use to wonder how she could loved taunting the guards and the doctors the way she did. But oh well, that was Jondy.
Whenever I think that I finally have a real life, my mind goes to Tinga. Out of all of us, she had the real life. I mean, she had a child. She took a chance and brought another being into the messed up world we live in. In a way, I'm not surprised. In Manticore, she was like our acting mother. There for us when we were hurt or needed a shoulder to cry on or just someone to talk to. She nurtured us the best she could, even though she wasn't much older. Zack and her had roles in our "family." Zack was like our father, our big brother, and the person who would protect us from the bad. And Tinga… she had the role of mother. She was the person who made sure we had our vitamins, didn't go to bed hungry, and sat with us through the night if we weren't feeling well. In my mind, it seemed perfect that Tinga was the only one to have a family. The rest of us wouldn't have been ready for that kind of responsibility, yet.
Out of everyone I've heard about or met, Zane is the one I look forward to spending time with the most. Zack says he's always in some form of trouble. Whether it's with the gangs he seems to enjoy hanging out with, or with the local law enforcement. Zack also said that Zane would be the first one caught by Manticore. He was wrong about that. But Krit says Zane is just living like any teenager would without a guardian to watch over him twenty four seven. Whatever his real deal is, I'm hoping once we manage to blow off Manticore for good, I can meet him. I've already heard so much about him from Zack that I feel like I know my little brother inside and out. Zack's always storming in on me and complaining about Zane drinking too much, the many 'girls' he picks up, taming the wild side of himself, taking life a bit more seriously, or even when Zane is trying to be like Zack. Zack expects so much out of us, and I know there's no way we can ever live up to his expectations.
I had to kill Ben. That's the one memory that keeps returning to haunt me. The one memory that I can't seem to lock away into the deepest chasms of my mind. Whenever I try to remember him, all I can see is him lying there on the forest ground, pleading for his life with his eyes. He was so scared. There was something really wrong with him, he was really sick. But I couldn't help him, in the end, the only thing I could do was kill him. I can't seem to remember our days at Manticore, when he was healthy and still telling us stories or making shadow puppets to entertain us. Zack returned to Seattle after hearing that news reports of a killer and his mark. He knew it was Ben, but he was too late. I couldn't wait any longer. I tried to carry him out of the forest, but Ben wouldn't have it. He wanted to go back to Manticore, and I hated him for it. Worst of all, he wanted all of us to go back to Manticore, and I almost stopped loving him. I almost forgot that he use to be a loving brother. One of the only brothers I had ever felt close to.
So you see…? My family isn't your run of the mill family. We shouldn't even be around, even exist in your world, but we do. There's no one out there who can understand my feelings except for my family. I'm lonely at times, but I can't let it show. I can't let Lydecker know that my family is my weakness, because in each of us, our weakness is our family. As I sit on this Space Needle, high above anyone and everyone, I'm alone. Without my family beside me, I grow colder as the days pass. Maybe it's some kind of biological clock ticking away, telling me that my time in this world is almost up. I was forced into existence, brought here by a bunch of norms looking to play God, but they're not God. Instead of creating something magnificent, what if they created a hideous monster?
* * *
I was listening to "Smoke" by Natalie Imbruglia when I wrote Ben's little paragraph. I think that's why that paragraph and the end is so depressing. Oh well, it kinda fits and brings this 'chapter' to a nice close.