A/N--Hey everyone! I'm back. neways, I kinda forgot to mention that
'Christina' is Severus Snape's daughter. Just F.Y.I, she's not even a year
old.
A/N-- I've had some questions from my reviewers regarding the child issue. In my little harry potter world, Minerva and Albus haven't been together really really long. NO, she's never miscarried before...but she's had problems.
A/N--As you will find out in this chapter, emotion runs high, and doubt reaches it's zenith. Enjoy the chapter.
********************
chapter six: Just Beyond the Eyes
He silently opened the door to see minerva looking out the window. He let out a sigh of relief. 'at least she's not in the bed crying.' he thought to himself.
He walked slowly toward her, and put his hand on her shoulder. She did not turn around, but placed her hand on his, and opened her mouth as if to speak...although no sound seemed to come out. He was not expecting her to be able to talk about it yet, infact he would have preferred their relationship to stay silent for a time; until the shock of the information had run out.
She tightly squeezed his hand, and turned to face him. She seemed to look past him, obviously searching for her children. "Where are Ellie and Will?" She asked softly
"I left them with Poppy. She's agreed to watch them overnight...I didn't think that it would be good for you to be near them when you're in such a stage."
She gently nodded her head, and leaned into his chest. She wrapped her arms tightly around him, and began to cry again. Her sobs were long, but quiet. She held him tightly, and he returned the gesture. There wasn't a word spoken...only vibrant emotions erupting through one, if not two very hurt souls.
She eventually looked up at him with her tear stained face, to see his face quite red, and he had infact been crying also. For some reason, the simple fact that he had cried made Minerva feel slightly at ease; at eased enough to know at least that she wasn't the only one hurting. From the inside to the very outside of her skin it hurt, it burned to know what had happened, and the simple fact that it was her fault made it even the more hard.
She drew in a deep breath, and let it out with a small sigh. The tears did not leave her eyes, but her sobs ceased. She stared openly towards Albus into his pale blue eyes, letting her mind linger for just a single second to the stare that he had given her the day that she had told him of the pregnancy...the way that his eyes just told her how much he had wanted another child, and how his wish was the reason she agreed to it. She felt the tears come back to her, but swallowed it down and kept it down with all her might.
"Albus?" she said, trying her best not to let her voice waver
"Yes Minerva?" He said as he looked down onto his wife.
"Why did it take you so long to come back up here? I- I thought you were just going to pick up Elizabeth and William."
"I went down to the dungeons to inform Severus of what happened, and then I went to speak with Kate for a moment or two about arrangements."
"What sort of arrangements?"
"I fear that you won't be in a stage to teach for quite a time. I asked Kate to take over your classes until you felt ready."
"Thank you." she said softly, and leaned back into him, squeezing him tightly around the waist. She felt his strong hands bring her closer, and gently graze the skin that lay beneath her hair. She heard him softly whisper "I love you". Thats all it took. She drew in yet another rugged breath, and broke back down into sobs. She buried her head within his robes, and pulled his warm body even closer to her.
Albus didnt know what to do anymore. It pained him to see her like that, but what could he do? It was his fault that there was even a child to begin with. It was his fault that she had agreed for a child. It was his fault...it all was his fault. She was crying into his arms, and why, because he messed up, and the mess just became a disaster.
Her crying didn't last more than 5 minutes, but she stayed within his arms for nearly 10. Ten minutes of nothing but silence, and for a short duration, crying. They held eachother close...for this short period that they had to go through, all they had was eachother. Eachother to hold, eachother to mourn with.
He looked down on her soft complexion. The soft rosy cheeks that had always blushed uncontrollably, the lips that woke him up every morning, the eyes that just sucked him into another world. He couldn't bare it anymore. He couldn't bare to see her like that. "Minerva, why don't you go and get cleaned up. You'll feel better after a nice long, hot bath. I wont disturb you if you promise not to kill yourself." He tried to smile at his own dumb joke
She also tried to smile, not to say that the punch line in the joke hadn't passed through her mind. You can't be depressed, and not have the thought of death pass through your mind...but she smiled, or at least attempted it. "Perhaps you're right. Maybe I should."
He stared into her innnocent eyes. "And you...wont kill yourself, right?" He almost seemed unsure at the way that she had responded, the smile came too quickly on her face to not have something wrong be going through her mind.
"No. I won't kill myself. I have no reason to, and even if I had, I'm sure I wouldn't be able to bring myself to do it."
He looked deep into her eyes before he was able to believe her, but she had always seemed to have a power over him. "Alright. I couldn't bare to lose two people when I only have to lose one."
These words shocked her. The way he was able to talk about it, he referred to it as if he had lost a simple object, like a pair of glasses, or his wand. While she, she could barely even think about it without gettig a knot in her throat, or crying. It had only been 2 hours, give or take 30 minutes...yet he was standing there acting as if it had been forever. Suddenly, the sincerity of everything had left her system. She stared into his eyes, this time though, she saw past the hurt that he was feeling.
She nodded, and walked over to the bathroom. She let the water fill up the tub as she shut the door behind her. She waited patiently for the large bath to be full. Once it had, she quietly discarded her clothing, and stepped foot into the warm water. She let her hair surround her , let the thin fluid envelop her body, and leave her to the thoughts that were swimming around in her head.
What was it that she had seen in him. For some reason, he seemed different, the way he stared at her just said something to her. His eyes they told everything. They often told her how much she had meant to him, they often screamed with emotion when they were together, but what was it that she had seen just now? It certainly wasnt love. She knew the look that he had when there was love on his mind. It no doubt wasnt anger, that look is far too obvious to see. But perhaps- perhaps it was sorrow, or worse, disappointment. NO, it couldnt have been one of those, his voice didnt hint any of them.
'What is left?' she thought quietly to herself. She looked around the large bathroom, thinking quietly to herself. For just a moment, her eyes seemed to look down on her stomach, and she wondered how it could have been a child one day, and reduced to nothing the next. She wondered, she wondered all about everything. Her world had been turned upside down, and at a bare minimum at 2 hours...how could that be?
"Why me?" she voiced out softly, so as she was the only one who could possibly have heard. She softly bit her lip, and let her head sink down under the water.
******meanwhile, only a door away...
Albus rummaged quietly through the closet that sat next to the entrance to their room. He looked through it carefully, carefully looking for a potion; a sleeping draught to be exact. He didn't want to see her cry, he didn't want to see her in such pain. He had agreed to that with his inner conscience, and he wasn't about to see her so depressed.
He was infact planning on giving it to her, perhaps after a good while's rest, she may feel up to talking about it...or was that hoping for too much? 'YES, of course that's hoping for too much, this is minerva we're talking about' he thought to himself.
He walked over to the bed in frustration. He didn't know what to do. Half of him wanted to hold her, and kiss her, the other half wanted to put her to sleep and not speak to her again. Not unlike her, he was having mixed emotions. Love was definately there, but depression had no doubt taken a toll as well. He loved her more than anything, he had made himself realize it no more than 5 years ago, and here he was, not able to cope with the fact that they had lost what would have been their third child. In which, this may have been his first in the experience, Minerva had already lost two within her youth...
flashback
She lay in the hospital bed, pushing. Albus had immediately heard the news, and rushed over to the hospital to see what would have been her first child. He had thought to himself what a shame it had been that the father couldn't come to see. But Sean had his own hospital bed, and his own worries.
Midway through the birthing process, a doctor came out and asked where the father was. Albus had immediately told him that the father was unavailable. With this news, the doctor took Albus aside personally, and told him what was happening within the surgical room. "There are complications" the doctor had said "Do you know of anyone that she may want in there with her while we perform the operation?" Albus had thought for a moment, knowing that none of her family could even have had a chance to be alerted...it was after all 3 months early. And he, he had a rather queezy stomach when it came to blood. "I dont think so." he said rather regretfully to the surgeon.
"Very well." he had said. And turned around, and went back into the room.
It wasn't long before he saw the doctor again, although not with a very hopeful expression. The doctor walked over to Albus, and informed him that the child had died...that it hadnt even taken a breath. That was the end of that.
Minerva left that hospital with nothing to show, but a dead child, and a life that seemed all but reasonable. The father of the child you might be wondering, had been diagnosed with cancer only 5 months ago, although unfortunately, it acted fast, and he lay in his own hospital bed, dying.
"un"-flashback
Albus felt guilty for not going in when it was his rightful duty, he had once been close to Minerva, and all that he could offer he did. He offered a job, a home, and a friendship that lasted them nearly forever.
But at this very moment, his thoughts were not on their friendship, it was on her. How she had made him everything, and how she had went past all the bad, and brought out the good in him. How she had affected anyone and everyone that she had met, and how she wouldn't be that person for a long time. 'i wont have my Minni back.' he thought softly to himself. 'She's been through too much to be the same.'
A tear slid down his face, not for her loss, but their loss. Their child...gone. And Minerva...gone. He could see her, a week from now. He could see her a wreck.
For a moment, he mused himself with the thought that he may be a "seer" but it was more a gut feeling than anything. They'd been through too much to not see what was coming...and the future, the future certainly didn't look hopeful. But they would get through it, he loved her, and she loved him, he knew this...his mind was a blur at the time, but that he knew.
***********************************
A/N: Yes, she has had past loves, and yes, she has had problems. If you would be more interested in learning about her relationship with "Sean" I have another story out named "What Might Have Been" There isn't a need to read it, it's just good backround info.
A/N: Okay everyone, I have a confession to make, I've had nearly the whole story done for quite some time. For the remainder of the story, I'm going to try to send chapters in sets of two...that way you guys aren't TOO bored. I know this story isn't what you're used to, and I thank EVERYONE who has taken the time to read it.
-min
A/N-- I've had some questions from my reviewers regarding the child issue. In my little harry potter world, Minerva and Albus haven't been together really really long. NO, she's never miscarried before...but she's had problems.
A/N--As you will find out in this chapter, emotion runs high, and doubt reaches it's zenith. Enjoy the chapter.
********************
chapter six: Just Beyond the Eyes
He silently opened the door to see minerva looking out the window. He let out a sigh of relief. 'at least she's not in the bed crying.' he thought to himself.
He walked slowly toward her, and put his hand on her shoulder. She did not turn around, but placed her hand on his, and opened her mouth as if to speak...although no sound seemed to come out. He was not expecting her to be able to talk about it yet, infact he would have preferred their relationship to stay silent for a time; until the shock of the information had run out.
She tightly squeezed his hand, and turned to face him. She seemed to look past him, obviously searching for her children. "Where are Ellie and Will?" She asked softly
"I left them with Poppy. She's agreed to watch them overnight...I didn't think that it would be good for you to be near them when you're in such a stage."
She gently nodded her head, and leaned into his chest. She wrapped her arms tightly around him, and began to cry again. Her sobs were long, but quiet. She held him tightly, and he returned the gesture. There wasn't a word spoken...only vibrant emotions erupting through one, if not two very hurt souls.
She eventually looked up at him with her tear stained face, to see his face quite red, and he had infact been crying also. For some reason, the simple fact that he had cried made Minerva feel slightly at ease; at eased enough to know at least that she wasn't the only one hurting. From the inside to the very outside of her skin it hurt, it burned to know what had happened, and the simple fact that it was her fault made it even the more hard.
She drew in a deep breath, and let it out with a small sigh. The tears did not leave her eyes, but her sobs ceased. She stared openly towards Albus into his pale blue eyes, letting her mind linger for just a single second to the stare that he had given her the day that she had told him of the pregnancy...the way that his eyes just told her how much he had wanted another child, and how his wish was the reason she agreed to it. She felt the tears come back to her, but swallowed it down and kept it down with all her might.
"Albus?" she said, trying her best not to let her voice waver
"Yes Minerva?" He said as he looked down onto his wife.
"Why did it take you so long to come back up here? I- I thought you were just going to pick up Elizabeth and William."
"I went down to the dungeons to inform Severus of what happened, and then I went to speak with Kate for a moment or two about arrangements."
"What sort of arrangements?"
"I fear that you won't be in a stage to teach for quite a time. I asked Kate to take over your classes until you felt ready."
"Thank you." she said softly, and leaned back into him, squeezing him tightly around the waist. She felt his strong hands bring her closer, and gently graze the skin that lay beneath her hair. She heard him softly whisper "I love you". Thats all it took. She drew in yet another rugged breath, and broke back down into sobs. She buried her head within his robes, and pulled his warm body even closer to her.
Albus didnt know what to do anymore. It pained him to see her like that, but what could he do? It was his fault that there was even a child to begin with. It was his fault that she had agreed for a child. It was his fault...it all was his fault. She was crying into his arms, and why, because he messed up, and the mess just became a disaster.
Her crying didn't last more than 5 minutes, but she stayed within his arms for nearly 10. Ten minutes of nothing but silence, and for a short duration, crying. They held eachother close...for this short period that they had to go through, all they had was eachother. Eachother to hold, eachother to mourn with.
He looked down on her soft complexion. The soft rosy cheeks that had always blushed uncontrollably, the lips that woke him up every morning, the eyes that just sucked him into another world. He couldn't bare it anymore. He couldn't bare to see her like that. "Minerva, why don't you go and get cleaned up. You'll feel better after a nice long, hot bath. I wont disturb you if you promise not to kill yourself." He tried to smile at his own dumb joke
She also tried to smile, not to say that the punch line in the joke hadn't passed through her mind. You can't be depressed, and not have the thought of death pass through your mind...but she smiled, or at least attempted it. "Perhaps you're right. Maybe I should."
He stared into her innnocent eyes. "And you...wont kill yourself, right?" He almost seemed unsure at the way that she had responded, the smile came too quickly on her face to not have something wrong be going through her mind.
"No. I won't kill myself. I have no reason to, and even if I had, I'm sure I wouldn't be able to bring myself to do it."
He looked deep into her eyes before he was able to believe her, but she had always seemed to have a power over him. "Alright. I couldn't bare to lose two people when I only have to lose one."
These words shocked her. The way he was able to talk about it, he referred to it as if he had lost a simple object, like a pair of glasses, or his wand. While she, she could barely even think about it without gettig a knot in her throat, or crying. It had only been 2 hours, give or take 30 minutes...yet he was standing there acting as if it had been forever. Suddenly, the sincerity of everything had left her system. She stared into his eyes, this time though, she saw past the hurt that he was feeling.
She nodded, and walked over to the bathroom. She let the water fill up the tub as she shut the door behind her. She waited patiently for the large bath to be full. Once it had, she quietly discarded her clothing, and stepped foot into the warm water. She let her hair surround her , let the thin fluid envelop her body, and leave her to the thoughts that were swimming around in her head.
What was it that she had seen in him. For some reason, he seemed different, the way he stared at her just said something to her. His eyes they told everything. They often told her how much she had meant to him, they often screamed with emotion when they were together, but what was it that she had seen just now? It certainly wasnt love. She knew the look that he had when there was love on his mind. It no doubt wasnt anger, that look is far too obvious to see. But perhaps- perhaps it was sorrow, or worse, disappointment. NO, it couldnt have been one of those, his voice didnt hint any of them.
'What is left?' she thought quietly to herself. She looked around the large bathroom, thinking quietly to herself. For just a moment, her eyes seemed to look down on her stomach, and she wondered how it could have been a child one day, and reduced to nothing the next. She wondered, she wondered all about everything. Her world had been turned upside down, and at a bare minimum at 2 hours...how could that be?
"Why me?" she voiced out softly, so as she was the only one who could possibly have heard. She softly bit her lip, and let her head sink down under the water.
******meanwhile, only a door away...
Albus rummaged quietly through the closet that sat next to the entrance to their room. He looked through it carefully, carefully looking for a potion; a sleeping draught to be exact. He didn't want to see her cry, he didn't want to see her in such pain. He had agreed to that with his inner conscience, and he wasn't about to see her so depressed.
He was infact planning on giving it to her, perhaps after a good while's rest, she may feel up to talking about it...or was that hoping for too much? 'YES, of course that's hoping for too much, this is minerva we're talking about' he thought to himself.
He walked over to the bed in frustration. He didn't know what to do. Half of him wanted to hold her, and kiss her, the other half wanted to put her to sleep and not speak to her again. Not unlike her, he was having mixed emotions. Love was definately there, but depression had no doubt taken a toll as well. He loved her more than anything, he had made himself realize it no more than 5 years ago, and here he was, not able to cope with the fact that they had lost what would have been their third child. In which, this may have been his first in the experience, Minerva had already lost two within her youth...
flashback
She lay in the hospital bed, pushing. Albus had immediately heard the news, and rushed over to the hospital to see what would have been her first child. He had thought to himself what a shame it had been that the father couldn't come to see. But Sean had his own hospital bed, and his own worries.
Midway through the birthing process, a doctor came out and asked where the father was. Albus had immediately told him that the father was unavailable. With this news, the doctor took Albus aside personally, and told him what was happening within the surgical room. "There are complications" the doctor had said "Do you know of anyone that she may want in there with her while we perform the operation?" Albus had thought for a moment, knowing that none of her family could even have had a chance to be alerted...it was after all 3 months early. And he, he had a rather queezy stomach when it came to blood. "I dont think so." he said rather regretfully to the surgeon.
"Very well." he had said. And turned around, and went back into the room.
It wasn't long before he saw the doctor again, although not with a very hopeful expression. The doctor walked over to Albus, and informed him that the child had died...that it hadnt even taken a breath. That was the end of that.
Minerva left that hospital with nothing to show, but a dead child, and a life that seemed all but reasonable. The father of the child you might be wondering, had been diagnosed with cancer only 5 months ago, although unfortunately, it acted fast, and he lay in his own hospital bed, dying.
"un"-flashback
Albus felt guilty for not going in when it was his rightful duty, he had once been close to Minerva, and all that he could offer he did. He offered a job, a home, and a friendship that lasted them nearly forever.
But at this very moment, his thoughts were not on their friendship, it was on her. How she had made him everything, and how she had went past all the bad, and brought out the good in him. How she had affected anyone and everyone that she had met, and how she wouldn't be that person for a long time. 'i wont have my Minni back.' he thought softly to himself. 'She's been through too much to be the same.'
A tear slid down his face, not for her loss, but their loss. Their child...gone. And Minerva...gone. He could see her, a week from now. He could see her a wreck.
For a moment, he mused himself with the thought that he may be a "seer" but it was more a gut feeling than anything. They'd been through too much to not see what was coming...and the future, the future certainly didn't look hopeful. But they would get through it, he loved her, and she loved him, he knew this...his mind was a blur at the time, but that he knew.
***********************************
A/N: Yes, she has had past loves, and yes, she has had problems. If you would be more interested in learning about her relationship with "Sean" I have another story out named "What Might Have Been" There isn't a need to read it, it's just good backround info.
A/N: Okay everyone, I have a confession to make, I've had nearly the whole story done for quite some time. For the remainder of the story, I'm going to try to send chapters in sets of two...that way you guys aren't TOO bored. I know this story isn't what you're used to, and I thank EVERYONE who has taken the time to read it.
-min