"Through the rude winds' wild lament
And the bitter weather."
Traditional carol, "Good King Wenceslas"
***
A warm softness suddenly descended from the chill, enveloping her like a child. Calleigh gave a contented murmur and snuggled down into the warmth momentarily. Full memory returned with wakefulness, and her eyes snapped open. She was still on the couch, with a fleecy blanket tucked gently over her now, and she could hear him through the kitchen door behind her. She sat bolt upright, clutching the blanket around her like the fading wisps of a pleasant dream.
"Horatio!" She had never in all their acquaintance made his name sound like that. He snapped around to face her. "It's time we had a talk. Just where do you think you've been?" She glanced at her watch - 11:00 PM - and nailed him again with her eyes.
He made a rare error in perception, an error she would be forever grateful for, and mistook anger for concern. "Didn't you get my message?"
A balloon stuck with a pin would not have deflated faster. "What message?" She shed the blanket and scrambled to her feet, joining him in the kitchen. Together they looked at the red light blinking on the counter. "You must have called while I was taking a shower, I guess." She suddenly wasn't sure of anything anymore. "I didn't see it."
"And all this time you didn't know . . . I'm sorry, Cal." He stepped across to hug her, and she realized something suddenly. In fact, she couldn't believe she hadn't noticed it sooner.
"You're wet!" He was, absolutely drenched, not just like he had darted through the rain to the house but like he had gone swimming fully clothed. She gripped his arm through his sodden sleeve and could feel the tremors that swept over him. "You're freezing! What on earth have you been doing?" She took a quick inventory of the rest of him. He seemed to be intact, just cold. She could almost hear his teeth chattering.
"There was an accident," he started. "Not with me, but right in front of me. A car went into the canal, and I pulled it out with the Hummer."
She interrupted him. "You jumped into the canal? In December?"
"They would have drowned. The roof was caved in around the windows, and I couldn't get the door open." A pool was forming under him on the kitchen floor. Calleigh shook herself, like a person waking from a nightmare, and became once again the calm, competent bullet girl her coworkers knew.
"Horatio, go take a hot shower. Now! You've got to get warmed up."
He glanced back to the counter. "I was just about to make some hot coffee."
"I'll make it. Move!" She shoved him toward the hall. Once she had heard the click of the bathroom door, she crossed to the answering machine and pushed the button. His voice, his wonderful, velvet voice, filled the room. "Calleigh, I've been delayed at an accident. I'm fine; I wasn't in it. But I'm helping out at the scene, and the extrication is going to take a while. Don't wait up for me." She started to hit erase, then hesitated and listened to it again. Why on earth hadn't she come in here to check for messages after taking her shower? She decided not to erase this one but to save the tape, to remind her that he was real. Then, she decided to erase it after all. She had a better reminder to hold onto. When he had come in as a human icicle, his first action had been to cover her with a blanket. How utterly Horatio. She might have been dreaming earlier, but she knew she was awake now.
She worked quickly, making coffee. She poured them each a steaming cup and put a few good slugs of whisky into his. On second thought, she gave herself a bit, too. Horatio emerged from the shower wrapped in his robe now, but he was still shivering slightly. They sat at the kitchen table, and she passed him his cup of coffee. He took a gulp, and his eyes widened. "Drink it," she said firmly. "Now." He finished the cup off, and she fixed him another like it. She retrieved the blanket he had covered her with from the couch and draped it over his shoulders.
"Put on your robe, Cal. You look cold, too." She considered protesting but didn't want him to expend the energy. She got her robe and came back to the kitchen as he finished his second cup of coffee. He had almost stopped shivering now. "I'm sorry you didn't get the message. You must have been frantic."
She was stunned to realize that she hadn't been. What on earth was wrong with her lately? She filed that question to consider later, too focused on him at the moment to spare the thought. She poured him another cup of coffee. "So tell me about the accident."
He wrapped both hands around the coffee cup on the table. "I was coming back from the mall, driving along the canal, and a car right in front of me blew a tire. It was going a bit too fast anyway. The roads are slick out there. So it flipped down the bank into the canal. I tried to get the people out, but the doors wouldn't open, and the roof had crunched down the windows. Luckily, there was a tow rope in the Hummer. So I hooked it up and pulled them back onto the bank. They still couldn't get out though. Two people, a woman and her 6-year-old kid. They were frantic. They wanted me to stay with them, and the extrication took three hours." He took another gulp of coffee.
Three hours, standing out there in a cold driving rain, after diving into the canal. In December. "Were they hurt badly?"
"No. The woman had a broken ankle. The girl had some cuts, probably needs a few stitches. They were just scared, and soaked through, of course. I left you the message, but I couldn't leave. The girl kept panicking every time I wasn't right there. She was terrified that they were going to slide back into the canal and drown before they could get out." He shivered again. "I am sorry about that message, Calleigh. I should have tried to call again later, I guess. What was it you wanted to talk about?"
Deeply humbled, she bowed her head and studied her own cup of coffee. "Not tonight. We'll talk later."
***
Calleigh woke up five minutes before the alarm clock would have gone off. Her first thought was for Horatio, and she rolled over quickly to check on him. He was deeply asleep and didn't even stir when she lightly put a hand on his forehead. No fever, not yet, anyway, and his breathing was even and unlabored. Maybe he hadn't given himself pneumonia last night. He just felt pleasantly warm, not hot and no longer, thankfully, cold. It had taken him forever to get warmed up last night. They had huddled together under the covers, Calleigh trying to warm him up with her body, and even after the shower and coffee, his legs and feet felt icy. Then, when he had finally warmed up enough to get to sleep, he had had nightmares about the death of his father. That accident had also involved a car flipping off the road, only it had taken hours for anyone to find them, hours that Horatio, at age 7, had spent trapped with his dead father. More hours had been spent prying the car open enough to get to them. Calleigh had held him, trying to warm him up and soothe him simultaneously, and finally, about 2:30 AM, he had fallen into a sound sleep. She hadn't had any dreams at all, herself. Her entire consciousness had been focused on him. Still, she had slept soundly once he had, and she felt more rested than she had in weeks. She quickly squelched the alarm clock before it could disturb him and lay back, watching him, for a heart-to-heart conversation with herself.
She was absolutely appalled at what she had almost done last night. Looking at Horatio, reminded of who he was, she knew that her fears were groundless. One thing she could always count on was his rock solid integrity. If he ever did meet anyone who replaced her in his affections, he would tell her so. Besides, hearing the affection in his voice last night, his consideration for her in the message, remembering how his first move had been to cover her with a blanket, she knew that his feelings for her hadn't changed. Still, something was bothering him. Probably he hadn't wanted to tell her out of consideration for her, knowing that her Christmas memories already had her on edge. He had an incredibly strong, almost too strong at times, protective streak. Later on, when she had a chance, she would nail him down and drag whatever it was out of him. She was glad he had stopped her before she had gone too far last night, though. He probably would have forgiven her for the accusation, but wounds that are forgiven still bleed.
So why had she jumped to that conclusion? Why were her Christmas dreams so much stronger this Christmas, when she had him, than all the previous ones without him? What was wrong with her? She gradually sifted through the fears, doubts, and old memories and finally reached the core issue. She was afraid of losing him, afraid that some cosmic clock would strike twelve and her newfound happiness would vanish. It was this, not Christmases 20 years ago, that bothered her so much this year. She memorized his face, reaching out to take his temperature again. This is real, she told herself firmly. If I have to recite it a hundred times a day, I will. I am not going to throw away the best thing that ever happened to me just because I've never had it before and I'm not sure I deserve it.
Feeling a little better now that she at least knew what she was fighting, she slipped out of bed. She moved quietly, but Horatio still never stirred. She switched off the ringer on the bedroom phone, then gathered her clothes for the day and closed the bedroom door behind her as she left. Once in the kitchen, she ran through Horatio's agenda for today while fixing herself breakfast. Horatio and Eric had been meeting Adele this morning to talk to the house sitter again, leaning on him a little, trying to get an admission that he had seen Albert Edwards lately. They were also going to process the house thoroughly, with full permission now. If they could find Edwards' fingerprint anywhere, they had a conclusive link. Well, Adele and Eric could do it alone. She called Adele, then ate breakfast herself. She wrote a note and left it propped on the table. "Horatio, Adele isn't expecting you this morning. You're already late, so take time to eat. All my love, Calleigh." She slipped into the bedroom again to check on him just before she left. He was dead to the world. She kissed him gently, then left, carefully closing the bedroom door behind her so he wouldn't hear the kitchen phone if it rang. She deliberately made herself hum Christmas carols as she drove to CSI.
***
"You're in a good mood this morning," called Alexx, as Calleigh went humming past her in the hall. She had just finished talking to Eric and was now heading for her own work in ballistics. She turned to face her friend, smiling.
"I've just decided that I am going to enjoy Christmas this year. I've got a lot to be thankful for, you know." When Alexx looked at people, they always had the feeling she saw far underneath the surface. Calleigh submitted to her inspection and grinned. "Are you satisfied?"
"Yes," Alexx decided. Calleigh looked more rested, and more at peace, than she had in weeks. Alexx immediately looked around for the probable cause and found him missing. "Where's Horatio? Didn't you come in together?"
"He's sleeping in this morning."
Alexx's expression changed instantly to concern. That had never happened, in all the years she had known him. "He's not sick, is he?"
"If he isn't, it'll be a miracle, but I think he's just asleep." Calleigh filled her friend in on the events of last night, and Alexx immediately switched into professional mode.
"He didn't have a fever, did he?"
"No. Breathing nice and easy. He just seemed to be totally out, so I left him there. It took him forever to get warmed up enough to sleep last night, and he was tired anyway before the accident."
"Probably the best thing for him, then."
"That's what I thought. He'll be mad at me when he wakes up, though. He's missing out on Adele questioning our house sitter again."
Alexx shifted a little closer in the hallway, tightening their conversation to a different level. "Are you two okay?" The warmth of her concern reached out and touched Calleigh.
"I think so. I just need to remind myself of how much I've got now. And as for Horatio, I'm going to pin him down as soon as I get a chance and make him talk to me, but last night wasn't the right time."
Alexx nodded wisely. "He needs to be pushed a little, I think. But by you. He sure didn't react well when I tried it."
Calleigh felt a quick stab of guilt that Alexx had tried it, while she herself hadn't, then determinedly shoved it down. "I'll pry it out of him, whatever it is. We are both looking forward to dinner at your place on the 24th. I hope we get this case wrapped up before then, though."
"I hope so too, honey," said Alexx. "At least we can give that poor woman's family some closure on Christmas. And her friend."
Calleigh remembered Lisa abruptly and again felt guilty. "I hope so, Alexx. I've got to get to work." She proceeded down the hall, now humming, "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas."
***
Calleigh spent the entire morning finishing her work with the bullet that killed Sam. The computer search she'd finished the night before had turned up no record for the gun that fired this bullet. Now, she was trying to recreate the scene. Working with a similar 9 mm, human head forms, and the measurements from the crime scene, she determined that the killer had been about 10 feet away from Sam when he fired. She frowned slightly, sensing something there that fluttered just beyond her grasp. That was a bit farther than usual for a hardened criminal execution, and Sam had been looking at him, not running. What should that tell her?
Her stomach rumbled right then, telling her she was hungry. She was surprised to discover it was 1:00 PM. She ordered a pizza, then resumed working on her calculations, double checking them. Her pizza arrived, and she was just finishing her third piece when she felt Horatio. Like the force of the tide can be felt long before the waves hit the shore, she felt him before he swept into the room. She turned around to face the door as he entered. The angry glint in his blue eyes made him especially handsome, she decided.
"Good morning," she said, although it was now 1:45 in the afternoon. "How are you feeling?"
"Late," he replied. "Why on earth didn't you wake me up? I was supposed to meet Adele."
"You were exactly where you needed to be," she said. "Did you eat anything?" He shook his head. "Sit." She pushed him down herself onto the adjoining chair and shoved the pizza box over to him. "Eat. You're finishing it off."
"I need to get to work. I'm late enough already." She stopped his protest by cramming the end of a slice of pizza into his mouth herself. His hands came up to grasp it, and she slid her hand over his forehead as she let go. He still wasn't running a fever, at least.
"And, while you're eating," she continued, "you can tell me what's been bothering you the last few days." He started to put her off, and she nailed him with all the force in her petite frame. "You might as well tell me. You aren't getting out of here to work until you come clean."
He studied her up and down, then grinned. "You're feeling better today."
"Yes, I am. And don't change the subject. Out with it." He finished his first slice, and she handed him another one. He studied the pepperoni like it was evidence in a case. "Well?"
"It's about the lock code."
"The code from the barn?" He nodded. "What about it?"
"Remember I asked you to find out if it had been used the week before the murder?"
"Right, and it had. Nice deduction, I thought."
"It was also used the night after the murder. Only it failed, because I told them to change the code that day. If I'd asked about the night after, I would have known the killers had left something there."
She understood it instantly. "Horatio, that's not your fault. None of the rest of us would have even thought about asking about any other days."
He finished off his second slice. "I did think of asking for other days. I just limited the question too far." His eyes met hers evenly, and she saw the torment there. "I'm a CSI. I'm supposed to be able to frame questions about evidence so that I check all the possibilities."
She passed him a third piece. "Horatio, if you knew they weren't done at the barn, how do you know it would have made a difference? You said they passed on the first day because it was too busy. So do you think they would have marched up if you'd had a SWAT team there waiting? They would have just waited for an opportunity. Maybe even tackled one of the girls alone, away from the barn, if the barn was secured. Where this case went wrong was when a cat ran off with part of the evidence. And you yourself said that wasn't our fault." That reminded her of something. "By the way, you also said yourself that you hadn't missed anything. I even asked you about it later."
He looked slightly abashed. "No, I said that the team hadn't missed anything. And they didn't. I did."
Calleigh stared at him. "I guess I'm going to have to work myself on not limiting my questions." She was rewarded with a faint smile. "I might as well blame myself. I was the one who asked the security company that limited question at first. I should have seen it was limited."
That jolted him. "No, it wasn't your fault, Cal."
"Or yours," she insisted. She passed him another piece of pizza. "Horatio, do you remember what you said to Speed after the dispo day incident? You told him that he was still a good officer who had just made a mistake. And Speed's mistake was a lot bigger than yours. He failed to fulfill a basic responsibility of his job. Any cop should keep his weapon in shape. I know Speed isn't really a cop at heart, and that probably had something to do with it, but still, it was a big lapse on his part." She locked eyes with him squarely, wanting him to feel the force of her next words. "But there has never been one day of your life that you failed in your responsibilities to your job or to anyone else. There still hasn't. You made a mistake, but you don't know that it would have changed everything. You can't do this job in hindsight, Horatio; you'll drive yourself crazy. And you can't drive yourself crazy, because I need you. I'd be lost without you."
He looked at her for a moment. The unwavering trust and respect in her eyes healed him. He slowly stood up and pulled her up off her chair, wrapping his arms around her. "Calleigh," he murmured against her hair. "What on earth would I do without you?"
She returned his embrace full force. "We aren't going to find out. Okay?"
"I am sorry about last night," he said as they broke apart.
"So am I." For a lot more than you're ever going to know. "Just don't you dare come down with pneumonia, okay?" She shoved him back down onto his chair. "There's one piece left. Take it."
He looked at her with a glint in his eye, then pulled out his pocket knife and carefully cut the remaining piece precisely down the middle, handing her half. She grinned back at him and dropped into her own chair again, taking the pizza.
"Your turn," he said as they munched.
"My turn what?"
"Why is Christmas so difficult for you this year? And I know it's more than just your family. That's bad enough, God knows, but I've known you through more than one Christmas, and it's never been this bad."
"I'm just so happy this year," she said. "I'm afraid I'm going to lose it and go back to the unhappiness. I guess I'm just going to take some convincing that you're real."
He smiled at her. "You can stick a pin in me, if you like."
"There are better tests," she said, standing up again and kissing him. "Just don't mind if I need a lot of reassurance."
"Reassure yourself any time." That incredible voice sent shivers down her spine. She kissed him again, then reluctantly broke away.
"Much as I'd like more, um, reassurance, we really do need to get to work. As you yourself pointed out, we're late." She started to reach for a napkin, to wipe the tomato sauce from her hands, and he stopped her. Capturing both hands at the wrist, he gently licked off her fingers, one at a time. Finishing on the last finger, he stood up himself.
"Back to work then. For now."
"For now," she agreed. He kissed her again, then left the ballistics lab. Calleigh, turning back to work, realized after a few minutes that she was humming Christmas carols again. And this time, it hadn't been an effort.
Traditional carol, "Good King Wenceslas"
***
A warm softness suddenly descended from the chill, enveloping her like a child. Calleigh gave a contented murmur and snuggled down into the warmth momentarily. Full memory returned with wakefulness, and her eyes snapped open. She was still on the couch, with a fleecy blanket tucked gently over her now, and she could hear him through the kitchen door behind her. She sat bolt upright, clutching the blanket around her like the fading wisps of a pleasant dream.
"Horatio!" She had never in all their acquaintance made his name sound like that. He snapped around to face her. "It's time we had a talk. Just where do you think you've been?" She glanced at her watch - 11:00 PM - and nailed him again with her eyes.
He made a rare error in perception, an error she would be forever grateful for, and mistook anger for concern. "Didn't you get my message?"
A balloon stuck with a pin would not have deflated faster. "What message?" She shed the blanket and scrambled to her feet, joining him in the kitchen. Together they looked at the red light blinking on the counter. "You must have called while I was taking a shower, I guess." She suddenly wasn't sure of anything anymore. "I didn't see it."
"And all this time you didn't know . . . I'm sorry, Cal." He stepped across to hug her, and she realized something suddenly. In fact, she couldn't believe she hadn't noticed it sooner.
"You're wet!" He was, absolutely drenched, not just like he had darted through the rain to the house but like he had gone swimming fully clothed. She gripped his arm through his sodden sleeve and could feel the tremors that swept over him. "You're freezing! What on earth have you been doing?" She took a quick inventory of the rest of him. He seemed to be intact, just cold. She could almost hear his teeth chattering.
"There was an accident," he started. "Not with me, but right in front of me. A car went into the canal, and I pulled it out with the Hummer."
She interrupted him. "You jumped into the canal? In December?"
"They would have drowned. The roof was caved in around the windows, and I couldn't get the door open." A pool was forming under him on the kitchen floor. Calleigh shook herself, like a person waking from a nightmare, and became once again the calm, competent bullet girl her coworkers knew.
"Horatio, go take a hot shower. Now! You've got to get warmed up."
He glanced back to the counter. "I was just about to make some hot coffee."
"I'll make it. Move!" She shoved him toward the hall. Once she had heard the click of the bathroom door, she crossed to the answering machine and pushed the button. His voice, his wonderful, velvet voice, filled the room. "Calleigh, I've been delayed at an accident. I'm fine; I wasn't in it. But I'm helping out at the scene, and the extrication is going to take a while. Don't wait up for me." She started to hit erase, then hesitated and listened to it again. Why on earth hadn't she come in here to check for messages after taking her shower? She decided not to erase this one but to save the tape, to remind her that he was real. Then, she decided to erase it after all. She had a better reminder to hold onto. When he had come in as a human icicle, his first action had been to cover her with a blanket. How utterly Horatio. She might have been dreaming earlier, but she knew she was awake now.
She worked quickly, making coffee. She poured them each a steaming cup and put a few good slugs of whisky into his. On second thought, she gave herself a bit, too. Horatio emerged from the shower wrapped in his robe now, but he was still shivering slightly. They sat at the kitchen table, and she passed him his cup of coffee. He took a gulp, and his eyes widened. "Drink it," she said firmly. "Now." He finished the cup off, and she fixed him another like it. She retrieved the blanket he had covered her with from the couch and draped it over his shoulders.
"Put on your robe, Cal. You look cold, too." She considered protesting but didn't want him to expend the energy. She got her robe and came back to the kitchen as he finished his second cup of coffee. He had almost stopped shivering now. "I'm sorry you didn't get the message. You must have been frantic."
She was stunned to realize that she hadn't been. What on earth was wrong with her lately? She filed that question to consider later, too focused on him at the moment to spare the thought. She poured him another cup of coffee. "So tell me about the accident."
He wrapped both hands around the coffee cup on the table. "I was coming back from the mall, driving along the canal, and a car right in front of me blew a tire. It was going a bit too fast anyway. The roads are slick out there. So it flipped down the bank into the canal. I tried to get the people out, but the doors wouldn't open, and the roof had crunched down the windows. Luckily, there was a tow rope in the Hummer. So I hooked it up and pulled them back onto the bank. They still couldn't get out though. Two people, a woman and her 6-year-old kid. They were frantic. They wanted me to stay with them, and the extrication took three hours." He took another gulp of coffee.
Three hours, standing out there in a cold driving rain, after diving into the canal. In December. "Were they hurt badly?"
"No. The woman had a broken ankle. The girl had some cuts, probably needs a few stitches. They were just scared, and soaked through, of course. I left you the message, but I couldn't leave. The girl kept panicking every time I wasn't right there. She was terrified that they were going to slide back into the canal and drown before they could get out." He shivered again. "I am sorry about that message, Calleigh. I should have tried to call again later, I guess. What was it you wanted to talk about?"
Deeply humbled, she bowed her head and studied her own cup of coffee. "Not tonight. We'll talk later."
***
Calleigh woke up five minutes before the alarm clock would have gone off. Her first thought was for Horatio, and she rolled over quickly to check on him. He was deeply asleep and didn't even stir when she lightly put a hand on his forehead. No fever, not yet, anyway, and his breathing was even and unlabored. Maybe he hadn't given himself pneumonia last night. He just felt pleasantly warm, not hot and no longer, thankfully, cold. It had taken him forever to get warmed up last night. They had huddled together under the covers, Calleigh trying to warm him up with her body, and even after the shower and coffee, his legs and feet felt icy. Then, when he had finally warmed up enough to get to sleep, he had had nightmares about the death of his father. That accident had also involved a car flipping off the road, only it had taken hours for anyone to find them, hours that Horatio, at age 7, had spent trapped with his dead father. More hours had been spent prying the car open enough to get to them. Calleigh had held him, trying to warm him up and soothe him simultaneously, and finally, about 2:30 AM, he had fallen into a sound sleep. She hadn't had any dreams at all, herself. Her entire consciousness had been focused on him. Still, she had slept soundly once he had, and she felt more rested than she had in weeks. She quickly squelched the alarm clock before it could disturb him and lay back, watching him, for a heart-to-heart conversation with herself.
She was absolutely appalled at what she had almost done last night. Looking at Horatio, reminded of who he was, she knew that her fears were groundless. One thing she could always count on was his rock solid integrity. If he ever did meet anyone who replaced her in his affections, he would tell her so. Besides, hearing the affection in his voice last night, his consideration for her in the message, remembering how his first move had been to cover her with a blanket, she knew that his feelings for her hadn't changed. Still, something was bothering him. Probably he hadn't wanted to tell her out of consideration for her, knowing that her Christmas memories already had her on edge. He had an incredibly strong, almost too strong at times, protective streak. Later on, when she had a chance, she would nail him down and drag whatever it was out of him. She was glad he had stopped her before she had gone too far last night, though. He probably would have forgiven her for the accusation, but wounds that are forgiven still bleed.
So why had she jumped to that conclusion? Why were her Christmas dreams so much stronger this Christmas, when she had him, than all the previous ones without him? What was wrong with her? She gradually sifted through the fears, doubts, and old memories and finally reached the core issue. She was afraid of losing him, afraid that some cosmic clock would strike twelve and her newfound happiness would vanish. It was this, not Christmases 20 years ago, that bothered her so much this year. She memorized his face, reaching out to take his temperature again. This is real, she told herself firmly. If I have to recite it a hundred times a day, I will. I am not going to throw away the best thing that ever happened to me just because I've never had it before and I'm not sure I deserve it.
Feeling a little better now that she at least knew what she was fighting, she slipped out of bed. She moved quietly, but Horatio still never stirred. She switched off the ringer on the bedroom phone, then gathered her clothes for the day and closed the bedroom door behind her as she left. Once in the kitchen, she ran through Horatio's agenda for today while fixing herself breakfast. Horatio and Eric had been meeting Adele this morning to talk to the house sitter again, leaning on him a little, trying to get an admission that he had seen Albert Edwards lately. They were also going to process the house thoroughly, with full permission now. If they could find Edwards' fingerprint anywhere, they had a conclusive link. Well, Adele and Eric could do it alone. She called Adele, then ate breakfast herself. She wrote a note and left it propped on the table. "Horatio, Adele isn't expecting you this morning. You're already late, so take time to eat. All my love, Calleigh." She slipped into the bedroom again to check on him just before she left. He was dead to the world. She kissed him gently, then left, carefully closing the bedroom door behind her so he wouldn't hear the kitchen phone if it rang. She deliberately made herself hum Christmas carols as she drove to CSI.
***
"You're in a good mood this morning," called Alexx, as Calleigh went humming past her in the hall. She had just finished talking to Eric and was now heading for her own work in ballistics. She turned to face her friend, smiling.
"I've just decided that I am going to enjoy Christmas this year. I've got a lot to be thankful for, you know." When Alexx looked at people, they always had the feeling she saw far underneath the surface. Calleigh submitted to her inspection and grinned. "Are you satisfied?"
"Yes," Alexx decided. Calleigh looked more rested, and more at peace, than she had in weeks. Alexx immediately looked around for the probable cause and found him missing. "Where's Horatio? Didn't you come in together?"
"He's sleeping in this morning."
Alexx's expression changed instantly to concern. That had never happened, in all the years she had known him. "He's not sick, is he?"
"If he isn't, it'll be a miracle, but I think he's just asleep." Calleigh filled her friend in on the events of last night, and Alexx immediately switched into professional mode.
"He didn't have a fever, did he?"
"No. Breathing nice and easy. He just seemed to be totally out, so I left him there. It took him forever to get warmed up enough to sleep last night, and he was tired anyway before the accident."
"Probably the best thing for him, then."
"That's what I thought. He'll be mad at me when he wakes up, though. He's missing out on Adele questioning our house sitter again."
Alexx shifted a little closer in the hallway, tightening their conversation to a different level. "Are you two okay?" The warmth of her concern reached out and touched Calleigh.
"I think so. I just need to remind myself of how much I've got now. And as for Horatio, I'm going to pin him down as soon as I get a chance and make him talk to me, but last night wasn't the right time."
Alexx nodded wisely. "He needs to be pushed a little, I think. But by you. He sure didn't react well when I tried it."
Calleigh felt a quick stab of guilt that Alexx had tried it, while she herself hadn't, then determinedly shoved it down. "I'll pry it out of him, whatever it is. We are both looking forward to dinner at your place on the 24th. I hope we get this case wrapped up before then, though."
"I hope so too, honey," said Alexx. "At least we can give that poor woman's family some closure on Christmas. And her friend."
Calleigh remembered Lisa abruptly and again felt guilty. "I hope so, Alexx. I've got to get to work." She proceeded down the hall, now humming, "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas."
***
Calleigh spent the entire morning finishing her work with the bullet that killed Sam. The computer search she'd finished the night before had turned up no record for the gun that fired this bullet. Now, she was trying to recreate the scene. Working with a similar 9 mm, human head forms, and the measurements from the crime scene, she determined that the killer had been about 10 feet away from Sam when he fired. She frowned slightly, sensing something there that fluttered just beyond her grasp. That was a bit farther than usual for a hardened criminal execution, and Sam had been looking at him, not running. What should that tell her?
Her stomach rumbled right then, telling her she was hungry. She was surprised to discover it was 1:00 PM. She ordered a pizza, then resumed working on her calculations, double checking them. Her pizza arrived, and she was just finishing her third piece when she felt Horatio. Like the force of the tide can be felt long before the waves hit the shore, she felt him before he swept into the room. She turned around to face the door as he entered. The angry glint in his blue eyes made him especially handsome, she decided.
"Good morning," she said, although it was now 1:45 in the afternoon. "How are you feeling?"
"Late," he replied. "Why on earth didn't you wake me up? I was supposed to meet Adele."
"You were exactly where you needed to be," she said. "Did you eat anything?" He shook his head. "Sit." She pushed him down herself onto the adjoining chair and shoved the pizza box over to him. "Eat. You're finishing it off."
"I need to get to work. I'm late enough already." She stopped his protest by cramming the end of a slice of pizza into his mouth herself. His hands came up to grasp it, and she slid her hand over his forehead as she let go. He still wasn't running a fever, at least.
"And, while you're eating," she continued, "you can tell me what's been bothering you the last few days." He started to put her off, and she nailed him with all the force in her petite frame. "You might as well tell me. You aren't getting out of here to work until you come clean."
He studied her up and down, then grinned. "You're feeling better today."
"Yes, I am. And don't change the subject. Out with it." He finished his first slice, and she handed him another one. He studied the pepperoni like it was evidence in a case. "Well?"
"It's about the lock code."
"The code from the barn?" He nodded. "What about it?"
"Remember I asked you to find out if it had been used the week before the murder?"
"Right, and it had. Nice deduction, I thought."
"It was also used the night after the murder. Only it failed, because I told them to change the code that day. If I'd asked about the night after, I would have known the killers had left something there."
She understood it instantly. "Horatio, that's not your fault. None of the rest of us would have even thought about asking about any other days."
He finished off his second slice. "I did think of asking for other days. I just limited the question too far." His eyes met hers evenly, and she saw the torment there. "I'm a CSI. I'm supposed to be able to frame questions about evidence so that I check all the possibilities."
She passed him a third piece. "Horatio, if you knew they weren't done at the barn, how do you know it would have made a difference? You said they passed on the first day because it was too busy. So do you think they would have marched up if you'd had a SWAT team there waiting? They would have just waited for an opportunity. Maybe even tackled one of the girls alone, away from the barn, if the barn was secured. Where this case went wrong was when a cat ran off with part of the evidence. And you yourself said that wasn't our fault." That reminded her of something. "By the way, you also said yourself that you hadn't missed anything. I even asked you about it later."
He looked slightly abashed. "No, I said that the team hadn't missed anything. And they didn't. I did."
Calleigh stared at him. "I guess I'm going to have to work myself on not limiting my questions." She was rewarded with a faint smile. "I might as well blame myself. I was the one who asked the security company that limited question at first. I should have seen it was limited."
That jolted him. "No, it wasn't your fault, Cal."
"Or yours," she insisted. She passed him another piece of pizza. "Horatio, do you remember what you said to Speed after the dispo day incident? You told him that he was still a good officer who had just made a mistake. And Speed's mistake was a lot bigger than yours. He failed to fulfill a basic responsibility of his job. Any cop should keep his weapon in shape. I know Speed isn't really a cop at heart, and that probably had something to do with it, but still, it was a big lapse on his part." She locked eyes with him squarely, wanting him to feel the force of her next words. "But there has never been one day of your life that you failed in your responsibilities to your job or to anyone else. There still hasn't. You made a mistake, but you don't know that it would have changed everything. You can't do this job in hindsight, Horatio; you'll drive yourself crazy. And you can't drive yourself crazy, because I need you. I'd be lost without you."
He looked at her for a moment. The unwavering trust and respect in her eyes healed him. He slowly stood up and pulled her up off her chair, wrapping his arms around her. "Calleigh," he murmured against her hair. "What on earth would I do without you?"
She returned his embrace full force. "We aren't going to find out. Okay?"
"I am sorry about last night," he said as they broke apart.
"So am I." For a lot more than you're ever going to know. "Just don't you dare come down with pneumonia, okay?" She shoved him back down onto his chair. "There's one piece left. Take it."
He looked at her with a glint in his eye, then pulled out his pocket knife and carefully cut the remaining piece precisely down the middle, handing her half. She grinned back at him and dropped into her own chair again, taking the pizza.
"Your turn," he said as they munched.
"My turn what?"
"Why is Christmas so difficult for you this year? And I know it's more than just your family. That's bad enough, God knows, but I've known you through more than one Christmas, and it's never been this bad."
"I'm just so happy this year," she said. "I'm afraid I'm going to lose it and go back to the unhappiness. I guess I'm just going to take some convincing that you're real."
He smiled at her. "You can stick a pin in me, if you like."
"There are better tests," she said, standing up again and kissing him. "Just don't mind if I need a lot of reassurance."
"Reassure yourself any time." That incredible voice sent shivers down her spine. She kissed him again, then reluctantly broke away.
"Much as I'd like more, um, reassurance, we really do need to get to work. As you yourself pointed out, we're late." She started to reach for a napkin, to wipe the tomato sauce from her hands, and he stopped her. Capturing both hands at the wrist, he gently licked off her fingers, one at a time. Finishing on the last finger, he stood up himself.
"Back to work then. For now."
"For now," she agreed. He kissed her again, then left the ballistics lab. Calleigh, turning back to work, realized after a few minutes that she was humming Christmas carols again. And this time, it hadn't been an effort.