A Midsummer Night's Dream—the Parody
A load of junk that I wrote when I was stressed over learning my lines as Helena (for one scene—some people got away with "Here Peter Quince" and "Cobweb, sir" or whatever. Damn them!)
DISCLAIMER—I don't own any of Shakespeare's works, and in fact he didn't even have a right to produce them. Ha! English does pay off………
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ACT 1 SCENE 1
[Theseus and Hippolyta are walking around in their palace, linking arms. Theseus looks dreamy, and Hippolyta looks kind of sick.]
THESEUS: Our wedding day is approaching, my darling. It'll be here in 4 days. Aren't you excited?
HIPPOLYTA: Thrilled.
THESEUS: Glad to hear it. Remember how I brought you to Athens?
HIPPOLYTA: Yes, I was there, you know.
THESEUS: [ignoring Hippolyta] I fought you and won—
HIPPOLYTA: I let you win, you know.
THESEUS: [ignoring Hippolyta] but I will wed you in such a different manner—
HIPPOLYTA: Two sides to Theseus? I'm shocked!
THESEUS: [still ignoring Hippolyta] With pomp, triumph, and reveling.
[Enter Egeus, Hermia, Lysander, and Demetrius]
EGEUS: Howzit, Theseus?
THESEUS: Not much, dawg. Why y'all here?
EGEUS: My daughter wants to marry this 'gentleman', [points to Lysander] but I want her to marry Demetrius. [Demetrius looks condescendingly at Lysander, who sticks his tongue out at him] [Egeus gets agitated] Thou, thou hast GIVEN HER RHYMES! [Everyone looks confused]
LYSANDER: Calm down, old man! No need to get irritated.
EGEUS: You gave my daughter RHYMES! [More confused looks] Anyway, I want Hermia to die or go to a convent if she won't marry Demetrius.
HERMIA: [whining] But daaaaaaaddy………
THESEUS: All of you, SHUT UP! Listen, Hermia, I'm gonna give you until my wedding day, and then you are going to give me one of three answers—1, Mrs. Demetrius.
EGEUS: I think he has a last name, you know.
THESEUS: Ahem. 2—Become a convent girl.
LYSANDER: But this is ancient Greece. Do we actually have Catholic temples in Athens?
THESEUS: AHEM! Or 3—Death. You got four days, girlie.
HERMIA: [whining] But daaaaaaaddy………
THESEUS: Everybody, out! Hippolyta and I need to talk more about your upcoming wedding.
HIPPOLYTA: Sure, honey, whatever you say.
[They exit]
(AUTHOR'S NOTE—I'm going to skip the scene where Hermia and Lysander talk, because it was too hard for me to create a scene, well not like that, but if you don't know, Lysander says he has an aunt who lives a bajillion miles away from everything, and that they could get married there. What about Spartans? Anyway, Hermia tells her best friend Helena, her plan. Helena LOOOVES Demetrius, who used to love her back until Hermia came into the picture, and he was just like, Helena? Who's Helena? So she's going to tell Demetrius where Hermia and Lysander went. Goddammit, this is a complicated play!)
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Okay, was that terrible, or was it terrible? Yeah, I thought so. Please review so I can get on with the mechanical's scene! (3 *good* reviews = continuation, 3 *bad* reviews = no continuation, no reviews = no continuation.)
A load of junk that I wrote when I was stressed over learning my lines as Helena (for one scene—some people got away with "Here Peter Quince" and "Cobweb, sir" or whatever. Damn them!)
DISCLAIMER—I don't own any of Shakespeare's works, and in fact he didn't even have a right to produce them. Ha! English does pay off………
****************************************
ACT 1 SCENE 1
[Theseus and Hippolyta are walking around in their palace, linking arms. Theseus looks dreamy, and Hippolyta looks kind of sick.]
THESEUS: Our wedding day is approaching, my darling. It'll be here in 4 days. Aren't you excited?
HIPPOLYTA: Thrilled.
THESEUS: Glad to hear it. Remember how I brought you to Athens?
HIPPOLYTA: Yes, I was there, you know.
THESEUS: [ignoring Hippolyta] I fought you and won—
HIPPOLYTA: I let you win, you know.
THESEUS: [ignoring Hippolyta] but I will wed you in such a different manner—
HIPPOLYTA: Two sides to Theseus? I'm shocked!
THESEUS: [still ignoring Hippolyta] With pomp, triumph, and reveling.
[Enter Egeus, Hermia, Lysander, and Demetrius]
EGEUS: Howzit, Theseus?
THESEUS: Not much, dawg. Why y'all here?
EGEUS: My daughter wants to marry this 'gentleman', [points to Lysander] but I want her to marry Demetrius. [Demetrius looks condescendingly at Lysander, who sticks his tongue out at him] [Egeus gets agitated] Thou, thou hast GIVEN HER RHYMES! [Everyone looks confused]
LYSANDER: Calm down, old man! No need to get irritated.
EGEUS: You gave my daughter RHYMES! [More confused looks] Anyway, I want Hermia to die or go to a convent if she won't marry Demetrius.
HERMIA: [whining] But daaaaaaaddy………
THESEUS: All of you, SHUT UP! Listen, Hermia, I'm gonna give you until my wedding day, and then you are going to give me one of three answers—1, Mrs. Demetrius.
EGEUS: I think he has a last name, you know.
THESEUS: Ahem. 2—Become a convent girl.
LYSANDER: But this is ancient Greece. Do we actually have Catholic temples in Athens?
THESEUS: AHEM! Or 3—Death. You got four days, girlie.
HERMIA: [whining] But daaaaaaaddy………
THESEUS: Everybody, out! Hippolyta and I need to talk more about your upcoming wedding.
HIPPOLYTA: Sure, honey, whatever you say.
[They exit]
(AUTHOR'S NOTE—I'm going to skip the scene where Hermia and Lysander talk, because it was too hard for me to create a scene, well not like that, but if you don't know, Lysander says he has an aunt who lives a bajillion miles away from everything, and that they could get married there. What about Spartans? Anyway, Hermia tells her best friend Helena, her plan. Helena LOOOVES Demetrius, who used to love her back until Hermia came into the picture, and he was just like, Helena? Who's Helena? So she's going to tell Demetrius where Hermia and Lysander went. Goddammit, this is a complicated play!)
****************************************
Okay, was that terrible, or was it terrible? Yeah, I thought so. Please review so I can get on with the mechanical's scene! (3 *good* reviews = continuation, 3 *bad* reviews = no continuation, no reviews = no continuation.)