(A random nugget of information to those who care-1) Liz Phair's "Why Can't
I?" is like the best song ever. Listen to it while you write. 2) Only 2
more chappies! Hurrah! Also, the next Chappies might be a bit subdued.
Sorry. Katronette understands . . . )
ACT 4 SCENE 1
[same part of the woods, Helena Demetrius Hermia and Lysander are all asleep or unconscious, sprawled out in various positions; Titania, her fairies and Bottom come in]
TITANIA: And does my love need anything? [makes goo-goo eyes]
BOTTOM: Peaseblossom?
PEASEBLOSSOM: What.
TITANIA: Don't use that tone with my lovely lover!
BOTTOM: Hee!
PEASEBLOSSOM: [high pitched singsong] Wha-a-a-at?
BOTTOM: Scratch my head. Cobweb?
COBWEB: Uh . . . [gets look form Titania] Yeah! What?
BOTTOM: Mounsieur Cobweb, good mounsieur, get you your weapons in your hand, and kill me a red-hipped humble-bee on the top of a thistle; and, good mounsieur, bring me the honey-bag. Do not fret yourself too much in the action, mounsieur; and, good mounsieur, have a care the honey-bag break not; I would be loath to have you overflown with a honey-bag, signor.
COBWEB: Uh . . .
TITANIA: JUST DO IT!
PEASEBLOSSOM: [to Moth] That's Nike's phrase.
MOTH: What the hell is a Nike?
TITANIA: DO IT!
COBWEB: But I don't get it!
[Bottom Yawns]
TITANIA: Oh, you're tired! [Cobweb flies off]
BOTTOM: Mustardseed?
MUSTARDSEED: What.
BOTTOM: Scratch my ears.
MOTH: [to Peaseblossom and Mustardseed] If he ever had an original thought he might implode.
BOTTOM: Hey! Standing right here!
MOTH: Queek! [runs away before Titania goes all Galadriel]
TITANIA: [discreet cough] Uh, would you like to hear some music, lover?
BOTTOM: Yeah, I'm pretty talented in that area m'self.
TITANIA: I'm sure you are!
[All of a sudden Bottom falls asleep]
BOTTOM: [snoring]
TITANIA: Hm . . . he must be sleeping, so I must do whatever my love does! [falls asleep]
MOTH: [to Peaseblossom and Mustardseed] Which one of you put the sleeping draught in his drink?
[Fairies wander off, Oberon walks in]
OBERON: Dude!
PUCK: [sticks his head around tree] A-HA! Point for me! [disappears]
OBERON: [mutters] Never making a bet with Puck again . . . huh. Anyway. Titania! Wakey-wakey! [pours water on her face, washing out the nectar and waking her up]
TITANIA: [discombobulated] the hell? Oh, howdy, Oberon. I dreamt I was in love with an ass!
OBERON: [coughs]
TITANIA: Not you, you dumb butt.
OBERON: Oh. Oh. Look behind you.
TITANIA: [turns around and sees Bottom] AHG!
OBERON: AHG!
TITANIA: AGH!
OBERON: AHG!
TITANIA: AGH!
OBERON: BLOODY HELL! JUST GET THE DAMN MUSIC OVER HERE, PUCK!
[Puck brings in boom box and turns it on, it starts playing 'Hot in Herre']
TITANIA: Well, okay.
[They all dance out]
[Theseus and his hunting party come into the clearing]
THESEUS: I knew it! I told you the elusive Snigglebumbers play cheesy rap during the mating season! I told you so!
HIPPOLYTA: Huh.
THESEUS: oh! Ohmuhgod! And this one time -
HIPPOLYTA: At band camp?
THESEUS: No, no, that's later. And this one time, when I was hunting, I killed 10 Ubleros!
HIPPOLYTA: Wow. So. Shocked. I can't contain my excitement.
THESEUS: [oblivious to sarcasm] Well, you're doing a pretty good job.
HIPPOLYTA: [sighs] Well, when I was in the Amazon, I once destroyed an entire herd of cow with one breath.
THESEUS: You know, you sure are beautiful, but do you have to put me down all the time?
HIPPOLYTA: [signs] I was kidding.
THESEUS: Dude! Look at the kiddies! Man, that's a hot one!
EGEUS: That's my daughter, you idiot!
THESEUS: [pensive] Why so it is! Wait . . . what's your daughter doing with all these dudes!
HELENA: [in sleep] And me . . .
EGEUS: Was my daughter . . . eloping?! WITH the MAN WHO GAVE HER . . . [shrieks] RHYMES?!
[Everyone who was asleep wakes up, birds fly out of trees]
LYSANDER: I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING I SWEAR!!!
HERMIA: DAAAADDY I NEED MY BEAUTY SLEEP!!!
HELENA: WHY IS EVERYONE SCREAMING?
DEMETRIUS: HERMIA I THINK YOUR MOM IS REALLY HOT!!!
[Everyone stares at Demetrius]
DEMETRIUS: What? She is!
EGEUS: A - HEM!
DEMETRIUS: [nervously] I was kidding, sir . . .
THESEUS: [snoring] Fish . . . FLAPPING PANCAKES!
HIPPOLYTA: Bored now. Let's go, train!
[Sleeping Theseus, Egeus, Hippolyta and train exit, leaving Demetrius, Helena, Lysander and Hermia]
HERMIA: say - did anyone else have a freaky weird dream?
HELENA: You mean where you guys [points to Lysander and Demetrius] were madly in love with me and Hermia and I got into a cat fight?
DEMETRIUS: Yeah, then Lysander and I got into a fight?
LYSANDER: You mean with all the evil bunnies with carrot sticks of doom?
[All stare at Lysander]
HELENA: [to Hermia] You're going to be stuck with that man for the rest of your life, you know . . .
HERMIA: Yeah, but he's a hottie. So's you're man, by the way.
HELENA: Tell me about it.
[the two of them walk away]
DEMETRIUS: You still suck.
LYSANDER: So do you. And Hermia's mom is not a hottie.
DEMETRIUS: Oh, but she is.
LYSANDER: NOT!
DEMETRIUS: TOO!
LYSANDER: NOT!
DEMETRIUS: TOO!
[they both walk away]
BOTTOM: [waking up] GUAH! I thought a fairy was doting on my every whim! Man, elaborate fantasies. [thinks] I know! When I find Quince and the rest of his . . . uh, dudes, I'll ask him to write a song for me about my dream! And we'll call it "Bottom's Dream", cuz it has no bottom! And then . . .
[Bottom Walks off singing]
BOTTOM: WOOooo, In mah dreeeeaaam, there was thiiiiiIIIIsss chiiiiick, oooooWOOOOoooo!
{eNd}
Sorry about the delay between last chapter and this one! School, ya know? Enjoy, A4S2 coming sooN!
ACT 4 SCENE 1
[same part of the woods, Helena Demetrius Hermia and Lysander are all asleep or unconscious, sprawled out in various positions; Titania, her fairies and Bottom come in]
TITANIA: And does my love need anything? [makes goo-goo eyes]
BOTTOM: Peaseblossom?
PEASEBLOSSOM: What.
TITANIA: Don't use that tone with my lovely lover!
BOTTOM: Hee!
PEASEBLOSSOM: [high pitched singsong] Wha-a-a-at?
BOTTOM: Scratch my head. Cobweb?
COBWEB: Uh . . . [gets look form Titania] Yeah! What?
BOTTOM: Mounsieur Cobweb, good mounsieur, get you your weapons in your hand, and kill me a red-hipped humble-bee on the top of a thistle; and, good mounsieur, bring me the honey-bag. Do not fret yourself too much in the action, mounsieur; and, good mounsieur, have a care the honey-bag break not; I would be loath to have you overflown with a honey-bag, signor.
COBWEB: Uh . . .
TITANIA: JUST DO IT!
PEASEBLOSSOM: [to Moth] That's Nike's phrase.
MOTH: What the hell is a Nike?
TITANIA: DO IT!
COBWEB: But I don't get it!
[Bottom Yawns]
TITANIA: Oh, you're tired! [Cobweb flies off]
BOTTOM: Mustardseed?
MUSTARDSEED: What.
BOTTOM: Scratch my ears.
MOTH: [to Peaseblossom and Mustardseed] If he ever had an original thought he might implode.
BOTTOM: Hey! Standing right here!
MOTH: Queek! [runs away before Titania goes all Galadriel]
TITANIA: [discreet cough] Uh, would you like to hear some music, lover?
BOTTOM: Yeah, I'm pretty talented in that area m'self.
TITANIA: I'm sure you are!
[All of a sudden Bottom falls asleep]
BOTTOM: [snoring]
TITANIA: Hm . . . he must be sleeping, so I must do whatever my love does! [falls asleep]
MOTH: [to Peaseblossom and Mustardseed] Which one of you put the sleeping draught in his drink?
[Fairies wander off, Oberon walks in]
OBERON: Dude!
PUCK: [sticks his head around tree] A-HA! Point for me! [disappears]
OBERON: [mutters] Never making a bet with Puck again . . . huh. Anyway. Titania! Wakey-wakey! [pours water on her face, washing out the nectar and waking her up]
TITANIA: [discombobulated] the hell? Oh, howdy, Oberon. I dreamt I was in love with an ass!
OBERON: [coughs]
TITANIA: Not you, you dumb butt.
OBERON: Oh. Oh. Look behind you.
TITANIA: [turns around and sees Bottom] AHG!
OBERON: AHG!
TITANIA: AGH!
OBERON: AHG!
TITANIA: AGH!
OBERON: BLOODY HELL! JUST GET THE DAMN MUSIC OVER HERE, PUCK!
[Puck brings in boom box and turns it on, it starts playing 'Hot in Herre']
TITANIA: Well, okay.
[They all dance out]
[Theseus and his hunting party come into the clearing]
THESEUS: I knew it! I told you the elusive Snigglebumbers play cheesy rap during the mating season! I told you so!
HIPPOLYTA: Huh.
THESEUS: oh! Ohmuhgod! And this one time -
HIPPOLYTA: At band camp?
THESEUS: No, no, that's later. And this one time, when I was hunting, I killed 10 Ubleros!
HIPPOLYTA: Wow. So. Shocked. I can't contain my excitement.
THESEUS: [oblivious to sarcasm] Well, you're doing a pretty good job.
HIPPOLYTA: [sighs] Well, when I was in the Amazon, I once destroyed an entire herd of cow with one breath.
THESEUS: You know, you sure are beautiful, but do you have to put me down all the time?
HIPPOLYTA: [signs] I was kidding.
THESEUS: Dude! Look at the kiddies! Man, that's a hot one!
EGEUS: That's my daughter, you idiot!
THESEUS: [pensive] Why so it is! Wait . . . what's your daughter doing with all these dudes!
HELENA: [in sleep] And me . . .
EGEUS: Was my daughter . . . eloping?! WITH the MAN WHO GAVE HER . . . [shrieks] RHYMES?!
[Everyone who was asleep wakes up, birds fly out of trees]
LYSANDER: I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING I SWEAR!!!
HERMIA: DAAAADDY I NEED MY BEAUTY SLEEP!!!
HELENA: WHY IS EVERYONE SCREAMING?
DEMETRIUS: HERMIA I THINK YOUR MOM IS REALLY HOT!!!
[Everyone stares at Demetrius]
DEMETRIUS: What? She is!
EGEUS: A - HEM!
DEMETRIUS: [nervously] I was kidding, sir . . .
THESEUS: [snoring] Fish . . . FLAPPING PANCAKES!
HIPPOLYTA: Bored now. Let's go, train!
[Sleeping Theseus, Egeus, Hippolyta and train exit, leaving Demetrius, Helena, Lysander and Hermia]
HERMIA: say - did anyone else have a freaky weird dream?
HELENA: You mean where you guys [points to Lysander and Demetrius] were madly in love with me and Hermia and I got into a cat fight?
DEMETRIUS: Yeah, then Lysander and I got into a fight?
LYSANDER: You mean with all the evil bunnies with carrot sticks of doom?
[All stare at Lysander]
HELENA: [to Hermia] You're going to be stuck with that man for the rest of your life, you know . . .
HERMIA: Yeah, but he's a hottie. So's you're man, by the way.
HELENA: Tell me about it.
[the two of them walk away]
DEMETRIUS: You still suck.
LYSANDER: So do you. And Hermia's mom is not a hottie.
DEMETRIUS: Oh, but she is.
LYSANDER: NOT!
DEMETRIUS: TOO!
LYSANDER: NOT!
DEMETRIUS: TOO!
[they both walk away]
BOTTOM: [waking up] GUAH! I thought a fairy was doting on my every whim! Man, elaborate fantasies. [thinks] I know! When I find Quince and the rest of his . . . uh, dudes, I'll ask him to write a song for me about my dream! And we'll call it "Bottom's Dream", cuz it has no bottom! And then . . .
[Bottom Walks off singing]
BOTTOM: WOOooo, In mah dreeeeaaam, there was thiiiiiIIIIsss chiiiiick, oooooWOOOOoooo!
{eNd}
Sorry about the delay between last chapter and this one! School, ya know? Enjoy, A4S2 coming sooN!