(Author's note: In case you didn't notice, this is a parody. I'm not making fun of Tolkien, and any names, characters, places, or ideas that are his I fully leave to him. I am not Tolkien, obviously. Anyway, this is supposed to be funny. If it's not…well…heh. I tried. If you don't know what I'm poking fun at here, then you might as well not worry your little head about it. It'll only give you a headache. ^__^ )
There was once a beautiful elven princess from a land called Eerinyahasen-It's either an unknown disease, or maybe it's the name of a kind of tropical fern, I guess. No one had ever heard of this land, as it lay to the far east, somewhere past Mordor, I suspect, but anyway there a great kingdom of elves flourished. It popped out of nowhere. Funny, that. This princess, who's name happened to be Nerinel Lonna Nuyredra Starsong, but for no apparent reason, other than the fact that it sounded pretty, her nickname was Lily. She was a beautiful elf (Duh), as was stated before, who had long silky black hair, with streaks of blue, which were natural of course. Her eyes were emerald green, but they changed color to fit her moods. Maybe she had some chameleon ancestry?
Anyway, Lily was a beautiful little princess. In case you missed that part or forgot. She didn't like being a princess though. She was rebellious in all the ways any princess really is. She refused to wear dresses, she could effortlessly beat any man at archery, and could wield a sword better than anyone else alive. But none of this affected her beauty one bit. No scars on this chick. But she also had magic, but she didn't use it except when it was very necessary since it didn't do to show off, did it? Lily was so charming and kind that she was loved by all who met her, but she had a temper too. Don't they all? She was often called the 'fiery princess' because no one would ever wish to provoke her anger. Why anyone would want to get that close in the first place is a good question.
Lily looked like an elf, but in reality, she was no mere elf, because that would have been just boring. She had unicorn, dragon, phoenix, and mermaid blood in her family. How exactly this had all come about, I know not, and I'm not even going to hazard a guess. Her mother had actually been a Goddess that had come to Middle Earth, but she had given up all of her powers to become mortal. Lily inherited these powers anyway, though. She did not know it, but Galadriel in faraway Lorien was actually her great grandmother, and Luthien was another of her kin. Some said she was even more beautiful than Luthien though. In fact, why don't we just say she's the most beautiful being ever to walk Middle Earth? Yeah, that's about right. But she was very humble about this, and only mentioned it once or twice a day.
Though Lily was somehow perfectly talented with sword, bow, dagger, axe, nun chucks, knives and any other weapon you could possibly imagine(("Except for the almighty spork," comments the author haughtily)), she had other hobbies too. How did she have time for these? Anyway, she loved to draw, write poetry, read, swim, climb trees, cross-stitch, watch movies...whoops, I mean watch plays, go horseback riding, and walking and dancing, and also singing. Her voice was sweet enough to charm men, both immortal and mortal, and put them under a spell. She's part chameleon, part siren. That's interesting. That's why she always sang out in the middle of the woods so that only all the cute fuzzy little woodsy creatures could hear her. Incidentally, many of these fuzzy creatures developed countless mental diseases.
Oh, she had a horse, who was perfectly white except for it's pure sea-blue eyes. Impossible, yes, but since when did she care about biology? Her name was Talatenquetanalia, and she was always called that too. Lily was one of the few people who could actually pronounce this name, which was just as well, because Talatenquetanalia would obey no one but Lily. Talatenquetanalia could run faster than the wind, and any other horse on Middle Earth. In fact, Shadowfax was one of Talatenquetanalia's nephews.
So anyway, one day for no apparent reason, orcs attacked the magnificent kingdom of Eerinyahasen, and somehow destroyed it's beautiful crystal walls and castle. No one knows why, they just showed up and started killing people, razing buildings, and all that unpleasant sort of thing. Lily fought hard, but even after killing hundreds of the orcs, because she really was talented you might remember, she was finally overwhelmed, and taken prisoner. Eh, just because it's a good, terribly over-used and clichéd plot idea.
It was not long before they came to the realm of Mirkwood. Never mind the fact that Mirkwood was several hundreds of miles away and it was a very long way from Isengard, where they were supposed to be going. So they were marching through the woods, heading towards Isengard when suddenly arrows flew out of the trees. All on their own, it seemed. Flying arrows...New species. All of the orcs fell dead, and lo and behold, a perfectly handsome blonde elf, who happened to have gorgeous sapphire blue eyes, stepped out of the trees to kneel at poor Lily's side. She had received grievous wounds from her battles, but somehow had not died of them yet. Also sadly, she had not been caught by one of those Flying Arrows. Princesses have a tendency to avoid things like that, so I've learned.
Lily's horse, the white, sea-blue eyed Talatenquetanalia, came to stand behind Legolas as he carefully gathered up Lily in his arms. Where did the horse come from you ask? Say it with me "p-l-o-t-h-o-l-e." And at this point she'll disappear back into it for a while. I'll give you a cookie if you can figure out why.
Legolas carried her all the way back to the palace. Yes, palace, you heard me. There her cared for her for days and days until she started to get better. He was sitting by her bed side when she first awoke.
"Where am I?" She asked as she turned to look at Legolas, her eyes a gentle deep shade of violet.
"You are in Mirkwood, my lady," Legolas answered softly. He took one of her hands in his. He had started to feel a great affection for Lily in the days that he had been taking care of her. He feel in love with her great beauty, of course. How could he not? "How do you feel?"
"I feel fine," Lily replied as she gazed into his eyes. Her own eyes were now a dark green. That chameleon thing again. How she understood his language is beyond me, as she'd never been out of Eerinyur, er, Eruns, um...whatever that place was. "Oh, you are the one who rescued me! Pray tell, what is your name?" She asked, in a very bad attempt at speaking in a medieval style, which was out of place in Middle Earth anyway. Her stunning black hair with it's blue highlights fell about her face, making her look very innocent and attractive. Yes, I know you already know what her hair looks like, but that was for the people who missed it.
"My name is Legolas," The prince replied with a smile. "Now, you should rest. Do not worry, I will not leave." After all, by this time poor Legolas was already under the Sue's(*cough*) princess's spell.
Lily smiled and closed her golden-yellow hued eyes. She felt safe here. Finding out more could wait until morning. Oh yeah, it was night when that happened, I forgot to say.