TITLE: Congratulations Buffy and Spike
AUTHOR: Cheeky Chick
RATING: PG-13
DISCLAIMER: None of this belongs to me, honest!
SUMMARY: Buffy and Spike have to go have dinner with Michael and Penny and to make matters worse they are suffering from the worst hangover ever
AUTHORS NOTES: Sorry it's taking me so long to update but I've got a lot on. Now unless you hadn't noticed these stories are Joyce Summers friendly – she ain't dead in my world, also Spike hasn't professed his love for Buffy they are still at that awkward 'we're kinda friends but won't admit to it' stage and Spike IS chipped – just wanted to clear a few things up there – thanx
FEEDBACK: Just like to say thank you to all those who have reviewed my story so far
"Bloody hell!" Spike sat up, suddenly awoken from his slumber by the telephone ringing, the quickness of the motion had made Spike feel extremely dizzy due to the fact he was still intoxicated from the heavy drinking session he'd had the night before.
He leant over and grabbed the phone from its cradle
"Hullo?!" the gruff British accent muttered sleepily
"Umm… hi, is that you Spike?" the timid voice from the other side came "I didn't wake you did I?"
It was Michael
Spike shook his head as he strained to remember the events of the previous night; he then turned and looked at the clock noticing it was now 3:30pm
"No, I was just napping" Spike looked around the room noting the 3 empty Jack D bottles, the vodka, tequila, the now empty mini bar and the Slayer whose legs were now entangled with his as they lay in bed – together
'Oh my God I'm in bed with Buffy and we were drunk!' Spike started to panic but then breathed an unnecessary sigh of relief 'Thank God – we've still got all our clothes on!'
After that minutes silence Michael coughed to make sure he was still there "Umm... Sorry about that I was just phoning to confirm things for tonight"
It was at this point everything came flooding back to him, Michael and Penny – the wedding – the meal with them tonight – Buffy and Spikes pretend engagement, suddenly Spike fell out the bed with a thud that awoke the sleeping Slayer who fell with him
Spike dropped the phone in all the confusion and Buffy who woke up when they fell from the bed panicked and tried to get up but found this difficult due to the fact her limbs and those of her dead drinking buddy were entangled among the many sheets and covers of the bed
"Spike what the hells going on?" Buffy pulled herself off of Spike whom she had conveniently had landed on
"I was kinda hoping you could tell me" the blonde vampire looked the slayer, he couldn't help but grin, her hair was in a state of disarray with feathers from the pillows sticking out of it, her clothes were wrinkled and stained from multiple spillages and yet she still stood with one hand on her hip, eyebrow arched waiting
"Well all I remember is… well I remember sitting and then the drinking and oh and the phone…" she looked at him wanting him to fill in the blanks as she really couldn't recall but Spikes face suddenly dropped
"Bloody hell the phone!" Spike stared at her, as she looked on confused when he started rummaging about the floor in search of the phone, he eventually found it
"Michael mate, you still there?"
Buffy's chin hit the floor and she looked at Spike in disbelief "Michael? On the phone? On the phone, now?" she mouthed
Spike nodded in confirmation
"Um… yeah look Spike did I call at a bad time? Sounds like a bit of a domestic" Michael was quiet
Spike looked at the Slayer rolling his eyes "No not at all mate the little lady's got her knickers in a twist cos I had a few to many at the bar last night with a few old friends, but I had better go anyway"
"Ok, so we still on for tonight we'll drop by and pick you guys up at the hotel about 9:30?"
"Sure that'll be fine, I'll let Buffy know, see ya later" Spike hung the phone up and turned to face the Slayer who was still standing hand on the hip staring at the blonde vampire
"Spike?"
"Buffy?"
"Spike what's going on, why does my head hurt, why are there empty bottles everywhere and why was Michael on the phone… oh no… the phone he called last night!" Buffy moved and sat on the bed as the evening started coming back to her
Spike just smiled in amusement as her memory came flooding back and she turned to a rather amusing shade of green
"I was talking to Michael last night… we're going for dinner… I started drinking… then WE started drinking… we're going to a club… we're engaged… oh no he thinks we're engaged… Spike how could you let me tell him that?!"
Spike who was now sitting on a chair a few feet from Buffy lit up a cigarette and grinned
"I wasn't here luv, I left to give you and Mickey boy some privacy and I come back and you've made an honest man of me"
"This is not a laughing matter Spike, we're going out with them in like 6 hours and you're joking we haven't even got our story straight, and you've got nothing to wear" Buffy started pacing the room only adding to Spikes amusement at the whole situation "and… and you haven't explained why we were in bed – together – never mind the fact you and Michael are 'mates' now!"
"Look Buffy I hate to burst your bubble but although I'm finding this all rather funny I'm no more comfortable about this situation than you are and I'm not mates with Michael I'm merely being polite and as for waking up in bed with you – I don't know, I was drunk but you needn't worry we both had our clothes on anyway and it'd take more than a couple bottles of whisky before I'd contemplate trying to worm you out those tight panties of yours!" Spike smiled and took another puff of his cigarette
Buffy just stomped the ground in frustration and threw a cushion at Spike who laughed as she ran to the bathroom and proceeded to bring up the entire contents of her stomach.
Buffy re-emerged about an hour later showered and clean wearing a large white bathrobe and Spike was still sitting where she had left him
"Feeling better?" he looked up at her
"Yes, no thanks to you I mean you haven't even moved!" Buffy then turned and noticed the freshly made bed, the lack of empty bottles and the orange juice and dry toast on the table "… well apart from to tidy and get breakfast and… and don't look so smug!"
"Don't let it go to your head Slayer I got bored waiting on you beautifying yourself – and by the way you still look like shit and the clock is ticking" Spike tapped his watch smiling
Buffy just ignored him and sat down starting to eat her toast
"So what we doing tonight then?" Spike moved over to the table and sat across from her; he had changed into black jeans and a black shirt
"Well first things first we gotta get you something to wear for tonight and then we gotta set a story"
"Sounds like a start" Spike pushed himself back in the seat and put his feet on the table "So how about my black jeans and my red shirt?"
Buffy laughed and then looked at Spike "Your kidding right?"
Spike looked down, "No, what's wrong with it?"
"You'll look like some Billy Idol reject from the eighties!"
"Hey!" Spike touched his hair "No Billy Idol jokes it was him that copied me, ok, bugger thought he was being smart – I should have let Drusilla eat him when she had the chance!"
Buffy laughed, "Okay, okay but really – you can't wear that" her voice took on a definite tone of seriousness in the second part of her sentence
"Fine so what, you want me to go in my birthday suit?"
"No!" Buffy raised her hand "Please no just give me an hour, I'll be back with something a little more suitable"
She ran into the bathroom and shoved on some jeans and a jumper grabbed her bag and ran out the door without another word
"Women!"
Spike had fallen asleep and didn't even hear Buffy when she returned from her little shopping escapade.
"Spike? Oh Spike" Buffy stood next to the bed trying to wake him but he was dead to the world (sorry) "Spike get up you blonde, worthless excuse for a master vampire!" the holler was enough to make him fall out of bed for the second time that day
"Bloody hell woman what you trying to do – deafen me?"
"Nope, come on just get up it's 6:30 and we've got to do a dress rehearsal and then make up a pretend relationship history" Buffy walked away and returned a few seconds later with several bags "Now I can trust you to get ready on your own, can't I?"
"Very funny slayer – just bugger off and let me get changed" Spike made a face at her and she left
Spike opened the first bag and observing the contents was not totally disgusted, it was a pair of dark trousers, they were grey/black in colour, not quite Spikes usual but they weren't too bad, next package was even better a black shirt which complimented the trousers perfectly. Spike admired the shirt and although it wasn't silk he smiled,
'Not too bad Slayer, not too bad at all!'
With only one small package left Spike opened it quite content, but what was inside did not amuse him in the least, boxer shorts. Not just any boxer shorts they were black silk boxers covered in red love hearts,
"Slayer!" Spike hollered, "I do not do novelty underwear!"
Buffy had been waiting outside anticipating his screams, which were pretty late in coming,
"You don't like your outfit Spike?"
"No I don't mind the outfit, it's a bit too poofy for me, something that Angel might wear but it'll do I suppose, I do however have a problem with the underwear!" Spike held up the boxers and Buffy grinned
"It was just a joke Spike" she snatched them from him "Anyway I think they're kinda cute, Angel used to have a pair just…"
"Slayer I don't even want to know!" Spike grabbed them back and ordered her out so he could try everything on "Leave so I can dress up like a poof!"
Buffy left and sat at the table eagerly awaiting the 'New' Spike. When he emerged moments later Buffy was more than pleasantly surprised. Spike stood in the doorway looking down at his attire unhappily, Buffy on the other hand smiled in satisfaction at turning the fashion victim into well, not so much of a victim. His shoulders were quite broad and his muscular upper body meant the shirt hung well, his slim waist and cute butt looked great in the trousers and the colours really suited him, much better than the usual tacky red shirt and mucky denims. Then she looked down and noticed the boots, those battered, dirty boots were nearly as old as Spike himself, and there were a few minor adjustments to be made to the outfit but nothing too drastic.
"Well that's an improvement" Buffy beamed at him
"For once Slayer I'm glad I don't have a reflection – don't have to see how daft I actually look!" he mumbled, "I feel like an idiot"
Buffy walked towards him "Well Spike you feeling like an idiot can't be helped but at least you don't look like one now!"
"Hey!"
"Oh be quiet and take those hideous boots off and put on these shoes, oh and I nearly forgot here's a belt" she shoved the belt and shoebox into his arms, Spike opened the shoebox and slipped on the black leather loafers, Buffy stood back holding her chin "There's still something missing?"
"What now?" Spike was loosing patience with the little blonde
"Well you look… well you look kinda alright I suppose, there's just something I have to do" Buffy moved towards him, moving closer until they were about a foot apart, Spike was looking down at her as she stared at him intently, unsure of her motives he didn't move and then she leaned up and… and ruffled his hair, applying a little gel to her hand she proceeded to spike it up a little until she was happy with the result
"There, perfect!" she smiled, Spike was stunned, "I've ALWAYS wanted to do that and it looks a lot better" looking him up and down again "Yes, yes, you'll do fine" and with that she trotted away
Spike still stood there 'She was gonna, I thought she was gonna, she didn't, not that I care or anything anyway I mean… oh get a grip Spike!' he internally scolded himself as he finally moved to sit down and have another smoke
"Right I better start getting ready and then we can go to the Hotel bar and wait for them" Buffy was shouting from the bedroom
"Umm… won't we be a little early it's only 7 o'clock"
"Yeah but I have to get ready and then we have to discuss 'our history', we're actually cutting it a bit fine if you ask me"
"Whatever you say boss!" Spike just stared into space 'How the hell do I get myself into these situations?!'
"Hi there can I take your order?"
Buffy looked up at the young waiter "I'll have a martini please and Spike…? Spike…? Spike will you please quit staring and tell the waiter what you want?"
"Huh?" Spike was in a daze, Buffy looked absolutely stunning she had on a scarlet red dress with a split that ran from the ankle to mid-thigh, it was classy, showing just enough, it ruffled at the chest and had spaghetti straps, the material hugged every curve complimenting her slender body. Her blonde hair was waved and tumbling over her shoulders, she was gorgeous.
"I wasn't staring, it's just your getting a huge zit on the end of your nose!" Spike grinned at the waiter who stared placidly "Smile mate, Christ, I'll have a beer and a whisky on the rocks"
The young waiter walked away and Buffy grabbed a spoon and began inspecting her nose in the shiny metal
"Jesus Slayer I was joking – I'm just not used to seeing you all dressed up"
"Right, sorry" Buffy smiled 'Suppose that's as near to a compliment as I'll get'
The waiter brought their drinks over and they began discussing their 'relationship'
"Right so first things first – where did we meet?" Buffy took a sip of her drink, the taste of alcohol reminded her of their previous night and she felt nauseous but soon shook it of with a second drink
"Well not school cos I'm British and he would have met me when he stayed in Sunnydale that time, anyway I suppose I look a little older than you"
"Yeah, well why are you in America anyway? He's gonna ask these kind of questions" Buffy was beginning to stress out "Shit, this so wasn't a good idea!" she took a gulp of her martini and excused herself to go to the ladies
"Yeah and for once it wasn't mine" Spike laughed as he finished his beer
"Ahem…"
Spike heard the noise coming from behind him and turned to see a young boy standing behind him, he was like an even cheesier version of Captain Cardboard, he had the floppy hair and clean shaven good looks and wide grin of an all-American boy next door, it was at this point it clicked and Spike turned to look at him again
"Your Spike right?"
"Yeah and I take it your Michael?" Spike looked the kid up and down, that's exactly what he was, a kid
"Yeah pleased to meet you Spike" he took Spikes hand in a firm handshake
"Yeah likewise mate, likewise – sorry Buffy's just away to powder her nose"
"Oh ok, sorry we're early but we did try phoning your room and there was no answer – we decided to meet a bit earlier cos we're gonna go for a drive before the meal"
"Great!" Spike cringed through his now clenched teeth "So where's your old ball and chain then?"
"Penny is just coming she's just chatting to someone" Michael looked around awkwardly
Spike was unsure what to say or do and was eager for Buffy to return
"Umm, please Michael sit down, we can have a drink here before we leave"
"Sure" Michael nodded in agreement "I'll have a be…. Buffy!"
Suddenly Michael jumped out his chair and ran towards the now beaming Slayer who was halfway across the room, he hugged her and kissed her
"Oh Buffy you look… you look fantastic!" Michael took a step back and eyed her admiringly
"Yeah you too" Buffy squeezed his hand; Michael hadn't changed a bit he was still that handsome, nice, guy next door.
Spike watched the whole scene play in front of him and unfamiliar pangs rattled his inside,
'Capt Cardboard wannabe thinks he can stroll in here and be all "hi mate" and then try and steal my girf… oh right wait that's why we're here, so that he doesn't marry that what's-her-face'
Spike was so busy daydreaming he hadn't noticed Buffy and Michael returning to the table,
"Spike you've met Michael" Buffy smiled proudly at Michael like he was her prized puppy
"Yeah"
"Yeah we met, I knew it had to be Spike when I walked in" Michael grinned and turned to Spike "Yeah you've got a very British air about you"
Spike just smiled politely and then cringed internally as Michael pulled out a chair for Buffy to sit on
"Please excuse me for two seconds, I'm gonna go fetch Penny, won't be long"
Buffy smiled at him and Spike stared into his drink, Buffy waited until Michael was out of earshot
"What the hell are we gonna do?" Buffy grabbed Spikes whisky and poured it down her throat with ease
"Have you ever seen a British show called 'Whose line is it anyway?'" Spike looked across the table at a bewildered Buffy
"What!? I really think we have more to worry us right now than some silly British TV show!" Buffy began to fidget
"No, you don't understand, it's an improvisation show, and that's what we're gonna have to do tonight – improvise!" Spike grabbed her hands to stop her fidgeting and looked up into her eyes "Okay, can we do that?"
Buffy looked up and was caught in the deep blue orbs that were Spikes eyes and nodded "Yeah, sure I can"
Buffy felt all tingly inside she quickly put it down to the alcohol
"Aww, now ain't that sweet!"
Buffy's head nearly turned 360 degrees when she heard that voice; she released Spike's hand
"Buffy Summers you haven't changed a bit well apart from the hair colour but I knew it was you" Penny ran towards her like a long-lost relative, flashing one of the most false smiles Spike had ever seen
Buffy sighed under her breath and turned around to face her, she too plastered on a smile
"Penny! You look great!" Buffy was cringing inside as she hugged her
Spike thought this was one of the funniest things he'd ever seen and felt obliged to join in, he stood up and headed towards Penny
"Ahem… Buffy honey aren't you going to introduce us" Spike smiled a big giant oh-so-false-smile at the Slayer who nearly burst, she knew Spike was taking the piss and couldn't believe it
"Sure, Penelope this is my… fiancé Spike, Spike this is Penelope"
Penelope smiled and offered her hand, which Spike took; he lifted her hand to his lips "Charmed"
"Why William you are a gentleman" Penelope smiled at Buffy who started spluttering and coughing, this was one of the most hilarious things she had EVER seen
They all sat around the table in the Hotel bar and ordered some drinks, Michael and Penny at on one side, Buffy and Spike on the opposite, after the usual pleasantries the dreaded interrogation began.
Spike looked over at the girl across the table, Penny was tall and had curly red hair that went half way down her back, fiery hair, fiery temperament. Her slim waist looked even slimmer due to her enhanced chest, Spike new real from fake and they were fake, she had a bright white smile and rosy lips, her dazzling blue eyes sparkled but still Spike looked at her and everything he saw was false, from the coloured contacts to fluoride enhanced grin.
'If this is what happens to women when they stay in L.A I'm glad we stay in Sunnydale!'
Spikes train of thought was broken when Penny finally stopped talking about herself and her wedding
"God and here I am going on about my wedding!" Penny rose a hand to her chest "Michael you should have stopped me, I mean the reason we're out tonight is to celebrate for you guys!" Penny beamed across at Buffy and Spike
Buffy quickly slapped Spike's leg to try and get him out of his little daze
'Tell me he doesn't think she's hot! I mean she's blatantly flirting with him – not that I care but she's marrying Michael and that just isn't right and….'
"Not at all me and Spike are just glad to be here aren't we?" Buffy looked over at the vampire
"Yeah, we just hope you can come to our big day!" Spike grinned
"Of course we wouldn't miss it for the world! But you're gonna have to tell us how it all happened, I mean how did you guys meet anyway?" Michael sat back and Buffy and Spike shifted uncomfortably in their chairs unsure who was going to begin, Spike took the initiative, he took Buffy's hand and looked in her eyes letting her know this was his call and he'd deal with the question. Buffy was getting worried, 'he'd better not ruin this, I'm not getting shown up in front of this snobby bel-air bitch!'
"Well let me tell you it definitely wasn't love at first sight!" Spike smiled and Buffy nodded her head, laughing in agreement
"Your right there!"
"So did you guys meet at school?" Penny rested her chin on her slender hand as if she was really interested though they could both see right through her
"Umm no actually, I went to school in Britain and once I completed university I decided to come and see America, but I ran out of cash and had to go stay with my Uncle Rupert"
Buffy smiled catching on
Michael and Penny nodded
"… And well Uncle Rupert was the librarian at Sunnydale High were Buffy used to go and I had to earn my keep somehow so I started helping him in the library"
Penny began laughing, "You are not telling me you met Buffy in the library are you?"
Michael was slightly embarrassed by this outburst "Penny!"
"What, Buffy was never into books were you Buff?"
Buffy smiled and Spike squeezed her hand and hissed through his teeth "Rise above it Buffy!"
"Yeah that's true a bit like you really" she smiled
Spike could feel the tension building so he intervened "Anyway as I was saying I was helping out in the library and spent a lot of time in the school and a couple of students invited me to go to the Bronze, a local club and that's were we first met"
Michael and Penny nodded and Buffy smiled "Yeah but we really didn't hit it off at first, I thought he was ignorant and obnoxious"
Spike laughed externally but was cringing inside "Yeah and I thought you were an annoying little bugger, but anyway we were both seeing people at the time"
Penny was already getting bored but Michael wanted to know everything this whole engagement was a bolt out the blue and he wanted to suss everything out
"So how did you eventually become friends then?"
Buffy and Spike looked at each other – they had obviously agreed to lie but they were finding difficult to separate their lies from the reality that was their twisted 'friendship'
"Well Dru, that was my girlfriend, she left me and then I became rather ill, I suffer from a rare but treatable brain disorder, anyway Buffy took me under her wing and helped me to get over my loss of Dru and her and uncle Rupert nursed me back to health"
Spike thought this was funny, as did Buffy who struggled to keep her laugh in 'Nursed you – like force feeding you pig's blood while your handcuffed to a bath is nursing you!'
"Well that's our Buffy all round good citizen!" Penny swirled her drink around in her glass and looked at her watch, she really wasn't in the mood to spend the whole night talking about Buffy and Spike's wondrous relationship so she interupted Michael and cut to the chase "So how did you two lovebirds eventually get together?"
Buffy decided to lay it on thick this time "Well one night we had all been at the Bronze and Spike had walked me home" Buffy took Spike's hands in hers and looked straight at him, letting him know she was gonna lay it on "I went to my bed and then I heard a noise and looked out my window and saw Spike climbing up my tree with one of Mrs Peterson's roses in his mouth when I opened the window he looked up and then lost his footing a fell" Spike and Michael laughed Penelope was not amused so Buffy continued "… so I ran downstairs and Spike was lying on my front lawn, my neighbours were all at their windows and my mum was standing with her arms crossed at the front door, and when I went to help him up he just looked up at me with those big blue eyes and said…" at this point Spike interupted
"… Buffy I love you, I've always loved you and I always will love you and she started to cry and that as they say is history!" Spike smiled at himself and Buffy leaned forward and whispered into his ear
"That was good, that was really good this improvisation stuff is funny! But your watching a bit too much Passions" and she leaned back a bit before planting a light peck on his lips for effect
"Now ain't that just sweet!" Penny looked at the supposedly smitten couple and felt like barfing "Can we go now?"
Michael was stunned. Buffy was so different she was never that affectionate with him and she did look radiant and was smiling constantly, she had always hated holding hands and whispering sweet nothings but he put it down to it being the man she was truly meant to be with.
"Yeah the cars outside" Michael turned to tell Buffy and Spike but they were just sitting gazing at each other "Ahem…"
"Sorry mate" Spike looked over at Michael "We'll be out in a minute"
Michael walked away and Penelope was already halfway to the car, she was so angry at seeing Buffy so happy, she'd hoped that the wedding would have made her all jealous and sad but obviously it didn't work she was in love with someone else as Penny thought about it Spike was sexy – in a British kinda way.
Once they were both out of earshot Buffy jumped out her chair clapping
"We were great – I mean we are sooooooooo… good at this, they really think we're in love!"
"Yup we got them hook, line and sinker!" Spike was happy she was so pleased but was finding this difficult, they'd spent so much time together and were enjoying themselves and kinda having fun but it was weird
'I do not fancy the Slayer – get a grip Spike you're both just acting and don't get carried away!'
"You're doing a great job Spike – we could get an Oscar for this performance! Now she's getting real pissed so if we just keep it going we'll be fine," Buffy grinned as they headed out the bar
'We are so good – so realistic – too realistic – wait Buffy get a grip, Spike doesn't like you and you most certainly don't like Spike, do you? No, no, no! It's an act a big act! A really good act!'
Buffy stopped in the reception "Wait we should set ground rules!"
Spike looked at her questioningly
"You know like no groping, no full on kissing just little pecks here and there when appropriate and we can hold hands and stuff – I mean it's gotta look realistic without totally grocing ourselves out"
Spike's jaw hit the floor "Like I'd want to grope you anyway Slayer, and remember I'm doing this as a favour not for my own pleasure like this is how I want to spend my time"
Buffy shook her head "Get a grip Spike I was just saying now lets not argue and go get them, we're gonna really noise her up tonight!"
Spike nodded "Yeah and just wait to the wedding – I'll liven that up let me tell you – not been to a real wedding for, well for a few decades anyway"
"Spike remember and behave yourself" Buffy slapped his arm
"Always – scouts honour!" Spike put his hand up
Buffy looked up at him raising an eyebrow "You didn't go to scouts Spike!"
"Yeah but I ate a few – does that count?" he grinned cheekily
"Not funny Spike!" Buffy looked up at him ready to give him an earful or a stake-ful when she noticed the dazed look on his face
"What's wrong Spike?"
"That may not have been funny but this is fuckin hilarious!"
"What is?" Buffy was confused so Spike pointed to the large white limousine parked in front of the hotel
"Oh my god!" Buffy raised her hand to her mouth more to muffle out her laughter than her shock
In front of them was long white limousine with the words 'Congratulations on your engagement Buffy and Spike!' written on BOTH sides in bright red
"Yeah oh my god!" Spike couldn't believe this
"You like it?" Michael stepped out the rear door
Buffy and Spike just nodded as the stared
"Good – we've got it for the night – we're going for a drive around L.A and then to the restaurant and then the club!" Michael opened the door and motioned them inside the large car "We'll be travelling in style tonight!"
"Yeah we sure are!" Buffy smiled at Michael before turning to Spike "I need another drink!"
"Oh yeah me too, me to!"
Sorry it took so long to update but I've got a lot on at the moment but I've already started the next chapter. Now they couldn't go to L.A and not visit or 'bump' into Angel and Co now could they? Thanks for all the reviews I really appreciate them and keep them coming they're the best encouragement a writer can get!