Pegasus Loses
Citizens of California, it is I, Pegasus. Sadly to say, I was not voted to be your new governor. In fact, I didn't get any votes except for Crochet (who I told to forge thousands of ballots, stupid bastard) and Kemo (who I told not to walk in candle store with so much hairspray on). But I can admit defeat gracefully. Unlike a certain someone who ought to eat Miracle-Grow for breakfast instead of waiting for a cure for being short. But that is not the point. Of all the candidates to pick, why Arnold? He's like Deborah Harry with big shoulders. I could buy him and sell him, but why waste my time and good looks! And he's married to a Kennedy! Before you know it, he's gonna wind up a drunk, a druggie, or dead. That's why I'm smart and have been single. The only bunny for me is Funny Bunny. No sir, I'm still not gay! Just because I'm a fan of a cartoon bunny doesn't mean anything! I get drunk just like any one of you! I go to nude beaches. I know that gives some of you a nasty mental image, but nakedness is beautiful! I was born naked and I'm gonna die naked too! Which won't be anytime soon, mind you, unless they cancel Funny Bunny… in which I will submit my organs to research. So none of you greedy bastards will sell them on eBay for a one-night stand with Sharon Osbourne. You know, she could have been my wife if that damn Ozzie didn't get her hitched. But do you see me crying? NO! I can get any woman at John Knox Village if I wanted to, but like I said before, I'm staying single. Why am I discussing my love life with you morons? That's between me and my lesbian lover! Let me wrap up this speech so I can go home and enjoy my tea. In the many years that I've studied at Oxford, I've learned this. The wine industry has not participated in political and social matters as much as they should. But in 2005, when I can become governor, I will persue the need of Democratic Vineyards! Thanks for all your not needed support! Pegasus for 2005!